The Summerville gazette. (Summerville, Ga.) 1874-1889, June 18, 1884, Image 1

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BflTlNlP^s U 9 1819 I U Remedy Sure, uft ana satisfactory, Purities the Blood from Infancy to old age. One bottle proves its superiority. Hereditary Taint and Scrofu lous symptoms cured. Itching Humors and Glandular Swellings relieved. All bad giBLDOII M SR | rt Cures Chronic Skin ) 3 H fed sll 9 I ■ Diseases, Ecsetna, B 1 I II 111 I I Itching Humors, yiH!iiuss lilu!<• jH'.', >jnotches, and all other troubles of the'>km affecting old and young. Re duces x rofulous, A Glandular Swellings, Turn ns,Ovarian Tumors, Enlarged Gland*. fr i '* aM u " | p | -^jj a §i PS ? I B “ 111 it! fUs o res "Secondary gW-i;’ rsun.l ternary diseoao of the bones ana EVAi*, Internal organs cured. Special uud speedy Be Y': [ ' 1; * to females suffering from painful, H In • 1 "pressed and prolonged menstruation, or 8? EJ .v ho are prostrated from lougsickness. If mm and M i pun : r, R H. li. will idease you. One but- j ;ie some oasw Scud for pamphlet of home ' < ’*. At all Drug Stores. One bottle. (1. BLOOD RAL.M (OM I‘AN Y, Atlanta. Ga i t' r s ie in Su niu-rvllle by J >S, CLT GHORN & CO. v- PUREST •pxtU) RUNTS ReadyForUse Olivo.;, Terra Cottas and all the latest fashionable shades for CITY COUNTRY OR SEASIDE. WarranUd durable and permanent. Do vriptive Lists, showing 3S actual shades, sent on application. For salo by the pritioipal dealers, ywholesnle and retail, throughout the country. Ask lor them and take no others, BILLINGS, TAYLOR &GO. CLEVELAND, OHIO. *-*- SANDS' --> PATENT TRIPLE FREEZER®^ The only Fr. r/rr ever mndo having throe distinct motion* insltl the rail, thereby, of courve, produc ing finer and snx'otiier Cream than any other 300,000 in 1190. Catalogue and ITice Ll.t mailed upon application, WHITE MOUNTAIN FREEZER CO., NASHUA, N. H. ' NEW OfIYIS The lightest running Shuttle Sewing Machine ever produced, combining greatest simplicity, durability and speed. It is adapted to a greater va riety of practical and fancy work than any ether. No basting ever required. For particulars as to prices, Arc., and for any desired information, address r THE DAVIS SEWING MACHINE CO., WATERTOWN. N. Y. 158 Tremont St., Boston, Mass. 1223 Chestnut St, Philadelphia, Pa. 113 Pub'io Square, Cleveland. Ohio, 46, 48 & 50 Jackson St., Chicago, 111. ALABAST! ME A Superior Substitute for Kalsomine, etc, Alahaetino is the first- and only preparation made [nan r denied gypsum rock, fur appli cation to walls wiili a brush, and is fully cov ered by patents and perfected by many years of vexpiriimat-. It is the only JUT rim nen*. wall finish, and admits of applying as many coats as desired, one over another, to any hard surface, without danger of seating, or notice: l l itv adding to the thickness of the wall, which is strengthened and improved by each additional coat, from time to Tune. It is the only material for the purpose not do pendent upon glue for its adhesiveness. Alaliastiue is hardened on the wall by eg", moisture, etc... while ad_ kalsomines or whit enmg preparations have inert soft chalks and glue for their base, which are rendered soft or scaled in a very short time. In addition to the above advantages, Alabastine is less expensive, as it requires but one-half the number of pounds to cover the same amount of surface with two coats, is ready for use by adding water, anu easily applied by any one. For sale by your Paint Dealer. Ask for Circular containing Samples of 12 tiut3. manufactured only by the alabastine Cos., M. U. Chubcu, Manager, Grand Rapids, Mich. @J)c &nmmenriUe #rt3ctte. VOL XL V -vjr -w *— ye MEfrfOME Q;c\R ( | n 93 : '">° 0, c|]j r] 8 (•' >A S mo EO uAt (-T •. NEV. H??iNiiHAC|j!l£o t 30 UNION SQUARE NEW YORK ' 6 *' CA °o ILL MASS. GA. TOR SALE BY I M l \ Hi,* (' A I X, SUMMERVILLE, GA BUTLEII ON STRIKES. VAliv Thn nrr IH.ii.lnm, lo Hie l.nhnrln* Mint The Ni l'll nl u Tribunal ol Arbllrn. lion. The following is the text of Ex-Gov ernor Butler’s letter to a labor mass meeting held in Buffalo, N. Y. * * * Let me premise by saying that I do not think a strike would ever take place if honest anil fair-minded dealing was al ways had between capitalists and labor ing men, because their interests do not naturally clash; and it is only when some advantage is to be taken of tbe laborer by the capitalist, or some unfair dealing takes place, that a call for a strike ever exists. I have been an em ployer of labor to a considerable extent for moro than a quarter of a century, and I can say no strike has ever occurred ot tbe slightest extent where 1 haVe had a considerable interest as compared with the whole. A strike is not a contest be tween labor and capital, bnt between two kinds of capital, the property of two sets of men. What is usually called capital is the earnings of labor with its aggregate profits when that capital is employed in productive industry. If that production stops nothing is hist by such stoppage, except profits which might be gained if production went on. The capital untouched, the profits only are lost. On the other hand, the laboring man’s capital is the capacity to earn or pro duce; the capability he has of doing a day’s labor of a given value. This capi tal of tbe laborer perishes in the using os well ns in the non use. Tlie only ac cumulations of the laboring man’s capi tal, leaving out what he may have saved of his former earnings, is the worth of so many days’ work to be done by him. If he loses a day the earnings of that dav are gone forever. If he lies idle a month, the losses to him of that month can never be replaced. He may work and save another month, but that does not make good the lost month. There fore, being idle on a Btrtke, he loses all his capital and profits against the profits alone on the part of the capitalist * * * Contests arising between employer and employed as to their rights are the only ones of any imjiortance in which efficient, if not too prompt, tribunals are given by our laws. But there is no court of arbitration, or other court, that can decide tbe most important of all controversies to those having them, as well as to the country in general, differ ences arising between what is usually termed labor and capital. May we not Iffipe that a law will he passed at an early date giving some tribunal in which those controversies can be justly an equitably settled? Revenue Receipts. The collections of internal revenue during the first nine months of the fis cal year ending June 30, 1884, were as follows: From spirits, $55,407,393, an increase of $2,102 440 over the corre sponding period of the previous year; from tobacco, $18,854,635, a decrease of $13,755,303; Horn fermented liquors, $12,658,859, an increase of $895,773; from banks and bankers, $2,392, a de crease of $.3,741,534; from miscellaneous sources $440,904, a decrease of *6,006,- 5.30. The aggregate receipts were $87,- 454 084. which is $20,505,253 less than the collections for the corresponding period of the previous fiscal year. “I w ant a Chaucer," said a customer to a New York clerk in a book store, after looking over the list of English poets. “Fine cut or plug?” inquired the young man, putting his hand in his pocket. SUMMERVILLE, GEORGIA, WEDNESDAY EVENING, JUNE 18, 1884. BABY LOUISE. Tm in love with .yon, Baby Louise! With your silken hair and your soft blue ryes, And I ho dreamy wisdom that in them lies, And the faint sweet smile you brought from the skies— 9od’s sunshine, Baby Louise! When yon fold your hands, Baby Louise— Your bauds, like a fairy’s, so tiuy and fair— With a pretty, innocent, saint-like air, Are you trying to think of some angel-taught prayer Yon learned above, Baby Louise? I’m in love with you, Baby Louise ! Why, you never raise your beautiful head ! Homo day, little one, your cheek will grow red With a flush of delight to hear the words said: “I love you,” Baby Louise, Do you hear me, Baby Louise! I have sung your praise for nearly an hour, And your lashes keep drooping lower and lower, And you’ve gone to sleep like a weary flower, Ungrateful Baby Louise ! Makoaret Eytinok. A. Wii<Vs Clmnn A pout upon the red lips of Gerald Sinclair’s young wife—unmistakably a pout- for though a wife of almost two I years, her fond, indulgent husband had j for the first time said nay to an openly expressed wish. The fancy ball of the season, a grand and fashionable assemblage, was to take place during bis absence, and ho bad said that he should prefer she would not attend. She was only 20. Let this much bo said in extenuation of the two greet, tears that rose to the brown eyes and slowly tiiokled down the pretty face, splashing ou to the dainty morning dress, which, clinging to the dainty form, revealed so perfectly its graceful ontlines. Certainly, Niobe had no reason to feel ashamed of this one of her children. But Gerald Sinclair had only stooped and kissed away the glistening drops, in a half-hurried manner, perhaps to hide his awakening remorse. “Never mind, little wife. I’ll make it np to yon another time.” Thou he was gone; but she sat still turning and returning her wedding ring, with eyes bent upon it. It was a curi ous ring—a solid band, set with five large diamonds. It had been lier charm, her talisman, not to be taken from her finger until soul and body had parted; but this morning it had lost its charm. If it failed to scatter the clouds, it failed to bring hack the sunshine. Even when the hour came round for Gerald’s home-coming, he missed his nsunl warm welcome; but he thought, that he might trust his wife’s heart and said nothing. The next day he started on his journey. “You’re not going, my dear?" ex claimed Mrs. Martin, bursting in upon her friend on the morning of the ball. “And why not?" “Gerald is away,” replied Mrs. Sin clair, with some little show of wifely dig nity, as though the fact were in itself sufficient explanation. “And why need that make any differ ence ?” pursued Mrs. Martin, a bewitch ing little widow, some years tier friend’s senior. “I will share my escort with you—Count Belzoni 1” Sophie Sinclair looked up amazed. She knew the man mentioned had but lately gained entree into society, and knew also that her husband disliked and distrusted him. Once or twice she had seen his eye fixed admiringly upon herself, and had felt somewhat as the bird might feel beneath the basilisk glare of the ser pent. “Well, why don’t yon answer?” con tinued Mrs. Martin. “Will yon go?” “No, no," she replied, trying to speak with firm decision. “Besides, Ido not think that Gerald admires the Count.” “Prejudice, my dear, all prejudice, The Connt is the most charming and i greeable man ] know. Indeed, i think I should he canonized for my willingness to share his attentions, especially as I have heard him say all manner of pretty things about yon.” “Nonsense, Ellen,” retorted Mrs. Sin clair. But she felt the ground slipping be neath her feet as she spoke. After all Gerald had not said positively no ! Bari he thought it necessary after he iiad openly expressed his disappro bation of her going ? Efe had not known that she would lie so sorely tempted. Besides she would wear a mask. No one would know her; and when she told Gerald he would for give her. A sudden thought came to her. “I will go,” she said at last, after con tinued nrging, and looking at the pic ture in all its brightest lights, “on one condition, and that is that no one is to know me—not even the Count. Say that you have persuaded a friend to accom pany yon, who wishes to remain un ! known. I will come to yonr house, where he will find me, and thus gain no j clue.” So it was decided; but, in spite of her , exquisite costume of a fairy as she con j cealed it and herself beneath a large : domino, as the clock on her mantel chimed ten, it seemed to Sophie that every stroke said; “Stay ! stay !” She was almost tempted to obey it, but she had promised Ellen; and, after j all, she had heard that it was well fox young wives to assert themselves. An hour later and, on the Count Bel- zoni’s arm, she entered upon the brilliant scene. So for ho had not seemed curi ous to ascertain her identity. Sho ex perienced at this a singular Bouse of relief. The ball was at its height when the clock rang out the hour of midnight, but for the first time in her life light and gayoty were distasteful. A hundred times she wished herself at homo. “I will tell Gerald. I have already been punished,” she whispered to her self, as she stood for a moment alono in a quiet corner. “You look moro liko a nun than n fairy—rather like one who had fore sworn tho vanities of the world, than a siren to tempt men to their destruction,” said a voice close to lier, “though to tho latter I know no one more fitted.” “Sir !” she exclaimed indignantly, reo ognizing, as she spoke, the Connt standiug at her elbow. “Ah, yon thought I did not know you. I should penetrate any disguise yon ivore. Besides you have forgotten to re move a badge of recognition.” She followed with her eyes his down ward glance, and saw that it rested on her hand, ungloved, as in better accord with the exigencies of her costume. Involuntarily she drew it away, with the ring which had betrayed her. Denial was useless. “Since you know me, then,” she said, “we will not further play a part. To the others wo are masks, to ourselves we are ourselves.” “Ah, madamo,” he whispered, “let ns rather say to tho world ive are ourselves, to each other we are a mask. Can men, think you, look coldly on such beauty as you possess ? Can ” Indignant and alarmed, slio checked his further speech by starting forward to escape him. His hand closed on hers as in a vice. She wrenched it from him, sprang among a crowd of maskers, and so made her way to the door. “Call a carriage for mo,” sho directed. Ten minutes later she was within lier own home. Her first impulse was to tear off tho hated costume which hod caused her such trouble; her next to throw liersolf on the bed and sob out lier excitement and contrition. Tho morning suu, streaming into her room, awoke her. With a shudder, she remembered the events of the past nigh*. Hhe looked down at lier hand—the hand which had been polluted by another’s tout'll—as though in some way she expected to find tho contamination brand on itH soft white surface. It was all unmarred; but— Sho looked again—slio rubbed her eyes and looked—tho color mean while fluttering out of her cheeks, and her pale lips quivering, as if lier heart seemed to stand still in a sudden agony of fear; for from the third linger was missing tne talismanic ring. When and where she had lost it, and how could she now find (he courage to confess all to Gerald ? Sho rose and dressed, revolving this problem in lier mind. At nny hour her husband might, re turn. For the first time she dreaded to meet him—dreaded to look into his kindly, handsome eyes and read there all his incredulous reproach, mingled per haps with scorn and anger. The day wore on. Her friend, Mrs. Martin, ran in to scold her for her deser tion; but her pale face and trembling tones made good her plea of sudden ill ness. At nightfall Gerald arrived. She threw herself into his arms m a burst of nerv ous weeping; but when lie wonderiugly asked its cause, her courage failed her. Why was it that she never imagined that he might look stern until to-day? A week passed, when ono evening, sitting in tho twilight, a step sounded close beside. She looked up to dis cover the Connt. “Pardon I” ho began, in answer to hoi indignant, questioning look. “Why must yon be so cruel ? May I not now Bee you ?” “Sir, I command you to leave mo. I am under tho protection of my own roof. ” Ho was about to answer, when a latch key was heard inserted in the ontside door. In an instant ho had sprang into some place of concealment, but the fact that he was near lent to tho young wife a sudden courage, born of tho moment’s desperation. Her husoand, entering, ap proached her, but she motioned him back. “Gerald,” she paid, “I have a bitter confession to make. It is fitting you should hear it now.” He listened, with arms folded across his I,roast, while she told him all the story of that fated night. “And is this all?” ho questioned bit terly, when she had paused. “No, not all,” she continued, rais ing her voice. “My confession has another witness, who has forced his hated presence again upon me. The 1 Count Belzoni is here again, Gerald.” As sho spoke she drew aside tho cur tain; but the form she expected to dis close was gone, the open window attest ing to its flight. Silently the husband drew a paper from his pocket, and showed her a para graph offering a reward for the arrest of a thief and swindler known as the Count Belzoni. “My darling,” he said, “my little wife : has learned a lesson sho will never for get, I have known this story all the time, bnt have waited until yon enme to tell it to me. I returned tho night of the ball, to take you with me, when I found you had gone. Imagine what I suffered, and my added suffering when, arriving at the scene of enjoyment, whero I had followed yon, I discovered who was yonr companion. I stood near ) you, and heard the words he addressed | to you—heard with joyful heart your auswer; saw yon wrench your hands from his hold, and also saw what you did not, the sparkle of the ring he drew from yonr fiuger. Poor little girl I I watched yon hasten through tho crowd, and knew that yon had already met your bitterest punishment. It has been through my efforts that the Count hns been traced and exposed. Only this morn ng I recovered yonr ring from tho man with whom he had pledged it as secur ity. Onoe moro I place it on your fin ger. But remember, darling, it is only tho outward charm. A wife’s true talis man is her husband’s honor. THE PLEI!KO-PNEUMONIA BILL A TfXiiM Senator Aifnrlt* the Department ol Agriculture* When the 17. S. Senate began the con sideration of tho bill to establish a Bureau of Animal Industry, to prevont the exportation of deceased cattle, and provide for the extirpation of pleuro neumonia and other contagious diseases among domestic animals, tho House bill was substituted for tbe Senate bill. Mr. Plumb said that the cattle interests of the country were unanimously in favor of the legislation proposed by tho bill. Mr. McPherson stated that tho alarm ing reports spread throughout the country and Europe some months ago bail been discovered to be unfounded, and those reports had come principally from suoh people as the bill under con sideration provided should bo appointed as inspectors of meats for export. Mr. Coke severely criticised the De partment of Agriculture for spreading false reports of the nature of the disease among American cattle. This bill had already boon twice kicked out of the Senate, and should be kicked out again. The States separately were quite effi cient to deal with their own cattle, anil should not be interfered with. If the Agricultural Department would stop libelling the cattle of the United States no inure trouble wonhl he found with the cattle business. Mr. Williams regretted that tho Sen ator from Texas, Mr. Coke, had been carried so far by the warmth of his feel ings in the denunciation of those who desired the passage of the bill. Mr. Williams said he was himself a stock raiser, and ho knew that nineteen twentieths of all the stock raisers of the country favored this measure, “and," ejaculated Mr. Williams, “to say there is no pleuro-pnenmonia in this country —My God |” It was, he said, in New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, Mary land and the District of Columbia. Mr, Williams himseif had H(-ell it. Mr. McPherson said ho had not been able to find any in New Jersey. Mr. Williams acknowledged tho emi nence of “Dr.” McPherson as an author ity on constitutional taw and matters affecting the Navy, bnt he did not think that that gentlemen could recognize pluero-pnenmonia if he saw it. Die Pike Comity Trout. Ed. Mott, tho l’iko county historian, tells of a monster brook trout that hat tantalized the sportsmen of that section for ten years. It has been seen time and time again. “Crack fly-casters,'' says Mott, "have come from New York and Philadelphia every season to try (heir skill on him. Sometimes as many ns half a dozen have gathered at the pool at one time. They fished singly, in pairs, by threes, and by sixes. They fished at daylight, at nightfall, by moon light. Sunny days, rainy days, chilly days, were tried. They fished witli the wind in the north, when no angler ven tures forth. They fished with the wind in the went, when the trout will bite tho best. The fished with the wind in tho east, when the trout will bite the least. They fished with tho wind in the south, which blows the bait in the fish’s mouth. But the mammoth denizen of the pool trimmed his sail to no wind, and re mained safety in port. One time a team ster, who had taken a day off to go trout fishing, came running hatless to the Falls. He was as pale as a sheet. He carried a piece of liis chestnut polo in each hand. He had half of his horse hair line left. “‘1 hooked the big tront 1’ he yelled. T was baited with a pieker’l’s bolly fin. I played him till he broke my pole an’ my line, an’ here they be 1’ “People rather believed tho teamster, and he was quite the lion of tho back woods. He was promoted to be sawyer. But a few days later Doc Jaggers trapped a mink on tho creek that hail a hook in its jaw and four feet of horsehair line hanging to it. Then that teamster lost caste. He was discharged from the mill. His old place as male driver was re fused him. He wont away, and is be lieved by his former comrades to be a homeless wanderer on the face of the earth.” “Doctor, do you think smoking is hurtful?” “Why, of course. Look at the chimneys. They make a business of the thing; and yet it’s those that smoke tho least that do the best,”— French Wit. NO. 22. Valuable Dogs. Wliilo a group of spectators were ex amining the famous oollie, Tweed IL, at the New York Dog Show, Mr. F. 0. Phebus, of Newmarket, Md., who has grown up with shepherd dogs, became enthusiastic in expatiating ou the traits of these animals. “If yon onco gain the affection of a collie,” lie said, “you may starvo or abuse it, but lie will nover dosert you. Ho will die nt your feet or ou your grave, if you die first. Their intelligence, when intrusted with the care of sheep, iH be yond belief, except to those who work with them. This dog lias taken a flock of seventy-five sheep from the stock yard at Baltimore, to a farm thirty-six miles away, without losing one of them. His endurance equals his sagacity. He will cross a road sixty-live feet wide twioe a minute, and travel all day with out resting. With a wave of the hand ho will fly from tho rear to tho front of tho Hook. At another signal he will divide a flock into two, and if I hold my hand up thus, live fingers extended, ho will separate that number out of the flock. He will take a flock of eighteen and divide them into three groups of six each at a word, and nover touch ono with his teeth. He once took seventy through tho streets of Baltimore, a dis tance of four miles, without losing one. Ho will nlso separate chickens from lings, and hens from roosters, at com mand.” WITH A GENTLE HAND. The One Touch of Nature Thai Unite* the Whole World liln. They were moving; not the ordinary and regular routine of May 1, when dis tressed families flock from one cramped and inconvenient dwelling into another of the same type, but this was a going “Out of tin: olil house into tlie new.” And the mother's faco was serious, for there wan one of tho little flock missing, not lost, but gone before into the new home, in the city whose wallß lie four square. Thus it happened that ono little room was left to the lost and as a rough work man laid his hand oil the door and pushed it open, tho mother cried out ai if he had struck lier a blow: “Oh, not there I Not there I I will move those things myself. Yon cannot touch them I” “That was baby Grace’s room and sho died in that little bed,” said ono of (lie older children. The rough workman stayed his foot on the threshold. Then ho touched his hat, anil his tone was husky as ho said: “If ye please, ma’am, I’ll handle them things gently. I’vo a little one of my own in glory—tho heavens be her lied— and it’s myself will see them not a bit damaged, and I’ll sottlo it beyond witli yon.” It was tho “one touch of nature" that "makes the whole word kin.” —Detroit Free Press. Lady Slratlhrokc Snubbed. London Truth says: It is quite a mis take to suppose that “the lady of title” who is morally responsible for the Lon don World libel lias gone entirely un punished. Tho Queen was exceedingly angry with lier; she received an un mistakable hint that slie would do well not to attend thb drawing room, and Her Majesty also crossed her ladyship’s name out of the State ball anil concert invitation lists. Indeed tho name would have been permanently Btruck off the Buckingham Palace list but for the Queen’s consideration for her ladyship's blameless husband, who has suffered as much mortification from the affair as did the Duo d’lvry after his siiouse’s indis cretion at that Congress of Baden of which we read in "The Ncwcomes.” “My lady” lias also received tho cold shoulder from Marlborough House, so that altogether her position has lieen by no means so satisfactory as most people suppose. Ills Spirits Dampened. The train halted for a few minutes at the station and a young man who had been entertaining two fair maidens with his cultivated conversation during tho last ran rushed out and disappeared be hind tbe door of an adjacent saloon. He swung liimself on the oar just as tlie train started and pantingly resumed his seat and the abruptly interrupted chit chat. “Gracious!” exclaimed one of the girls. “How frightened you look 1” “Do I?” he gasped. "I don’t feel so. T only went out to see a friend.” “You must have met a wicked ghost,” she said. With a puzzled look ho mnrmnred : “Why, that’s absurd. Yon know I don’t believe in the supernatural.” “Perhaps not,” she retorted, with the faintest suggestion of a sneer, “bnt yonr breath is awfully snggestive of bad spirits.” Tlie youth muttered something about malaria, and concealed his pungent ex halations behind a paper. Too Young.— A Chicago hotel-keeper who has just been sued for breach of promise of marriage, puts in the extraor dinary defence that the plaintiff de ceived him by telling him she was thirty-nine years old, whereas she is only twenty-nine. He avers that, being a middle-aged man, he wanted a wife of corresponding years. THE HUMOROUS PAPERS. WHAT WR FIND IN THEM TO HMII.B OVER TIIIH WEEK. IN TIER! 0110111. During tho sermon ono of tho quat* tette foil asleep. “Now’s your chants,” said tho organ ist to tho soprano. ‘ ‘See if you cantiolo tho tenor.” “You wouldn’t dnro duct,” said th contralto. “You’ll wakohymn up,” suggested the bass. "I could make a better pnn than that) as sure ns my name's Psalm 1” remarked the boy who pumped the organ; lint he said it solo that no one quartet.-— Life. VERY PECULIAR. A was tho owner of a number of b b b, That were infected by a curious and 0 o, Which could not bo remedied with net. Except by giving them fresh g g g, Tbe f x of which h timo lie tries Would be to swell their little ii i; So they wore noticoil by tlie J J j, Ami swallowed at onco in every k k k, ’This wnH leaving the bbbtoapquler fato Ho ho thought he would with them MI (great) To Swissland, or n n n of the earth if he please, For Ida life’s support he o o o to tlie h b b, Ho must do this —there iB no x q q q, He had no p p p—bnt r r’s profuse. He hail an x s of gold and of b b b Ho wished to exchange for coffees and 111, Ho f v could trade and himself m u u u ire oould make tho trip of w w w. Ay y y thought struck him—he took a notion And with his bhli lie crossed an ocean, Whero there are no J j j to swallow hiß b b b, And lie buys all tho coffees and 111 he oe c. — St. Louis Globe. now IT WORKS. Mrs. Grasp—“ How is Uncle Joe get ting along ? I liopo lie is making a liv ing, for I don’t want him coming on to us in his old age. ” Mr. Grasp—“ That reminds me; I just hoard the strangest thing. Old Brown recently returned from a visit to Uncle Joe and says that instead of being poor lie is very ricli and is becoming evtrava gant. He got into some speculations and made loads of money.” "Goodness gracious I Who would have thought it ? Extravagant, too. Ho will squander all liis money. Don’t you think Undo Joe always was a little qneer ?” “Why, so ho was. I never thought of it. Poor Uncle Joe.” “Yes; come to think, bis mind has al ways been a little shaky. I am afraid he will kill somebody next,” “So he might, I will see the lawyers at onco about getting him into a lunatic iutylnm.”— Phila. Call. LEARNING WISDOM. A Peasant who had Seven Daughters wearing out solo leather for him went to the (lave of a Wise Old Duffer, and be sought his Advice as bow to bring them up.” “Marry them off as soon ns Possible, and yon can then Break np Honsekccp ing and go Boarding among them.’’ After a few Months the Father re turned to the Gave, and his phiz had such a Lonesome Expression that the Wise Man oried out: “Ah, you must fidlow my Advice to learn Wisdon i” “Tho Trouble is that I did follow it, but instead of having seven places to board around at I have seven Sons-in-law to board on mo.” MORAL: However, the Peasant had tho Wisdom, —Deroit Free I 'reus. NOT A WEAK WOMAN. “You’re ft nice man, ain’t yon? Tho idea of as big a man as yon being brought here for whipping your wife, as small and delicate a woman ns she is. Ain't you ashamed of yourself?” “Well, Judge, I must confess that I nm ashamed of myself. Hbo’s a little and apparently weak woman, and that's why I am ashamed of myself, fur I know I ought to bo able to lick lier, but I can t. She jist laid mo out quicker; and I’ll bet she can lick you nr any other man in town. She’s about half cat and the other half lightnin’." His Honor surveyed the little woman, . got frightened and told them both to go homo, —Kentucky Journal. A NATURAE MISTAKE. Passenger (in Pullman car)—“Faro, sir 1 fare ?’’ Conductor—" Yes, sir. Haven’t yon a ticket ?” Passenger— "No; I bail not lime to get one; but I just paid my faro.” Conductor—“ Paid your fare ! Why, who to ?’’ Passenger—“ That gentleman there.” Conductor—“no is only tho porter. Ho probably regarded what you gave him us a fee. Ho has nothing to do with tho faro.” Passenger “Dear, dear ! I thought from liis actions that lie owned the whole railroad.”— Phila. Kuenina Call. INCUMBERED PROPERTY. “I hear that you are to marry a wealthy American girl,” said one noble man to another. “Ya’as,” replied liis lordship. “Yon must allow me to congratulate yon. Are there any incumbrances on lier property ?” "Ya'us, the lady.” —Fvtninrj Call. A Monster Gun. The South Boston Iron Works, by contract with the government, cast the largest gun ever constructed iu this country. It will be about thirty feet in length, of twelve-inch rifle bore, and will weigh 212,000 pounds. Tlie cost of the gun will bo $28,000, or about one half the sum a steel gun would have cost. It is calculated to throw a pro jectile Bix miles. This company is also under contract to tarnish a ten-inch wire-wrapped cast iron rifle gun and a t welve-inch rifled mortar