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Send for pamphlet of horn# At nil Prup Stores. One nottie, sl. Bf.oon 1* AIM t OMPANY, Atlanta, Oa ii i •.o • i -mu -rvil:■ by J (■r/.tilTUIiK &, (JO. dpi" newHome o. vfirgVjSJs I .ii ™ OUT OF ORDER. | • > *45 no E0 ljAl NEWHOMf.^HACHIHEC” 30 UNION SQUARE NEW YORK ~J^ CA O ill. v MASS s GA. rCR SALE BY I ‘ld A If if CA I X. SUMMERVILLE, GA. N " ■ 5>L HehArm Davis The lightest running Shuttle Sewing Machine ever produced, combining greatest simplicity, durability and speed. It is adapted to a greater va riety of practical and fancy work than any other. No basting over required. For particulars as to prices. &c., and for any desired information, address [HE DAVIS SEWING MACHINE CO,/ WATERTOWN, N. V. 158 Tremont St., Boston, Mass. 1223 Chestnut St., Philadelphia, Pa. 113 Publio Square, Cleveland, Ohio. ■lO, 43 & 50 Jackson St., Chicago, 111 r ’ in Ho mm •-nll lo I*y * J. B. CLEGIIOIIN & CO. ALA B AST"INE A Superior Substitute for Kalsomine, etc. Alabastlnc is the /fri/oml Ajr p.rej-or:;t son made from eoreinim gv;>siitn rock, for appli cation to walls w ill, a brush, and is fully cov ered by patents aad perfect.;,l by many \ t-.. - of cxpcrii.iiiit.?. It is tiio only pi-i-maii.-nt wall litticU, t.,d admits of apphinguom c coats .as desired. one over imoiis-r. to a.iy hard surface, without danger of scaling, or noticeably adding to the'thichnes# of tiio wall, v. nicli is stren;3li<:)iod anti improve.) by ouch additional coat, from time to lime. !'. is the only material foF tiio purpose not de pendeni ;x>n glue for ils adhesiveness. Ai; .no ts hardened on the wall by ay, moisture, etc,, while nil fcalsomlnes or whit emng preparations have inert soft cutll : and glue for their base, which are icti'lerad soft or scaled in a very short time. fn addition to tho above advantages, Alahastine is less expensive, ns it require* but one-haif the number of pounds to rover the same amount of surface with two coats, is ready for use by adding; water, and easily applied by any one. For sale by your Paint Dealer. Ask for Circular containing Sampios of 12 tints, itmufactured only by tlie At,\k,-rr\i Cos.. V jCHinton, Manager,Grand Rapids. Mich. A deed has been registered in Wyau. ilotte, Kam, conveying a certain lot of land to William Henry Harrison Tyler Tippecanoe Coon There is by God’s grace an immeas ii’ ; !e distance between late and too £ljc 3*ummcntUlc (SNijcttc. VOL. XI. * PURE * •&XE/) FAINTS ReadyForUse Olives, Terra Cottas and all tho latest fashionable shades for CITY COUNTRY OR SEASIDE. Warranted durable and permanent. Descriptive Lists, showing 33 actual shades, sont on application- For sale by the prinoipal dealers, wholesale and retail, throughout the country. Ask lor them and take no others, HILLINGS, TAYLOR & CO. CLEVELAND, OHIO. -*- SANDS’ -*- PATENT TRIPLE FREEZER®^ Tho only Freeaor evur rnado having throe distinct motions inside the can, thereby, of course, prod tie* inp finer and smoother Croatu than any other * n c/er on the market. 300,000 In use. Catalogue and Trlco Llt bailed upon application. WHITE MOUNTAIN FREEZER CO., NASHUA, N. H. On a Mississippi Steamer. Nnsby xvrites: “The captain of a steamer is always a large-bodied man, and to be representative should have immense legs, slightly bowed. His name should always bo Thomas, so that his familiars may address him as Cap’n Tom. He must havo a florid face, must be liberally endowed in the way of gen eral profanity in all matters hi which tho crew are concerned, but must lie urbane, polite and gentlemanly, even courtly, especially when in tho presence of ladies. His politeness, boxvever, must be dashed with a rough and ready gruff ness, as liecomes ono who has all sorts of weather to go through, and whoso life is spent over high-pressure boilers and is alxvays threatened by snags, sawyers and other perils. Ho must ho a com pound of urbanity and strictness. When 3ii duty he must lie entirely unapproach able by any one, but xvhen everything is right, and ho saunters into tho cabin, he must he the most delightfully rough old fellow in the world. However, even in his moments of relaxation he must pre serve his dignity, as becomes one upon whose shoulders rests tho cares of an empire. His boat is an empire if it be a small one. The mate must be a very stout, sturdy, red-faced man, whose principal business is to threaten tho ne gro roustabouts on shoro, and deck hands when on the water, xvith a stout stick, and swear at them as often and as vigorously as possible. In the matter of profanity he is equalled by few and excelled by none. No matter how well the negroes xvork, thore is a running stream of abjurgations at their slowness and laziness ; no matter how skillfully ‘.hey roll or lift the freight, it is never lone quickly or well enough, and their eyes and souls are being perpetually con liguod to the place of torment especially reserved for the wicked.” Hie Monroe Doctrine. Mr. Gladstone is I. iicved to have con fributed to the Fortnightly Lte.view an article on the relations of the Poxvers, in which he reviews favorably the foreign policy of America. He is even alleged co have recommended the study, and, in deed, tho reproduction in the English conduct of foreign affairs, of certain of our methods. The American policy con sists mainly in the prosecution of the Monroe dootrine, by means of which aud in consequence of our isolated position we have at least kept out of serious for igu complications. Almost every Eu :opean Power has been at war during ;he past half century, and the political itmosphere of the Continent is nearly Always disturbed and threatening. It, theiefore, is not surprising that England, for instance, should feel inclined to ‘call a halt” while she investigates the muses of the peaceful relations sustained ay the United States. In a general way she will find there is no other such com fortable means for insuring peace with one’s neighbors as minding one’s own business, and not interfering xvith tho concerns of others,— N. F. Her aid. SUMMEHVI I LL, GEOHOI A, WEDNESDAY EVENING, .JULY 23, 1884. AIARGJIKRITA'S PI. A f.\T. Mv love lias ffonei out in tho wide, wide world, Without farewell to mo Raying: Oh, fair young Hinder ! my heart’s doli lit! Oh, sun that made my life so bright, For thee I am over praying. Scarcely had time to look in hia eye*, And now the swoet dream is ended ; Oil, love, why makest thy llnroes so sweet-? Oh, love, why mnkest the heart so to beat? It it break it cannot be mended. Where has ho gone The world is so wido— Is full of deceptions and sfciangers; Ah, mo, to Italy he hath hied, Where women are fair and false beside, God guard him amid all dangers. Victor Von Scbriwitj. MY Fill FAD'S STORY. j “Many years ago," saiil mv friend, ; “in an idle moment. I went into the Old I Bailey, when a scene of more than ex : trnordinary interest was abont to take place in tiiat theatre of human misery i and degradation. r “The prisoner at tiio bar was a young i man of about twenty-four years of age, tall, of a dignified and prepossessing i air; His dark bair hanging disorderly on 1 his shoulders and about his brow, gave | a singularly wild and mournful expres sion to features that seemed to indicate 1 feelings such as felons never possess, : “The indictment was read; it con tained an account of a most atrocious crime, committed under circumstances of ingratitude that deepened tts horror. Ho was, it appeared, a young Scotoh j man, the son yf a minister; he had dis ! tingnished himself in tho University of j Glasgow by bis talents and acquire ments, and had been ordained a minister I of the Gospel. While at college lie had j formed an acquaintance with tho son of : a Highland laird, of nearly the same i age, and of an amiable and cultivated ' mind. The father of this youth, a man i of largo property, had been so pleased with tho friend his son luul made, that he had obtained for him a ohuroh in tho Highlands, on condition that he should previously accompany his son in his travels over tho Continent. “They had accordingly gone to Lon don, and, having there received large remittances for tlioir proposod journey, were just going to set off, when one night the youth wns found murdered in his bed, and appearances seemed to point out tho prisoner as tho perpetra tor of the deed. They wore briefly these: “Some days before thoy had been heard talking in their room iu a very loud and angry tone of voice. The sub ject of the dispute was, it was supposed, a lady, whose name was mentioned. Tho words ‘jealousy’ and ‘revenge’ were dis tinctly heard; a visiblo coolness was ob served for somo days after, till the even ing of the murder, when they gave an entertainment at their lodgings to friends who had come to bid them farewell. An evident change had taken placo In tho behavior of tho prisoner, who affected to be obsequiously attentive to his friend. But the prinoipal witness for tho prose cution was an old game-keeper who for many years had been in tho employ of the deceased, and who soemed almost overpowered with grief. He stated that on the fatal night, while sitting in the kitchen smoking his pipe, in company with a woman who acted as charwoman in the lodging-house, ho heard a noise in his master’s room, as if two persons woro struggling. He alarmed the land lord, entered the room, which was opon; a light was on the floor and still smok ing, and tho prisoner was found hanging over the bed—a bloody knife, which was known to belong to him, by his side, bis hands bloody, his face pale, and betray, ing all the marks of a guilty and dis turbed mind. The prisoner was skilled in anatomy; he had been hoard to de scribe the quickest and surest way of destroying life; and the place of tho wound corresponded with the descrip tion. Morover, some notes paid by a banker to tho deceased wore produced in court by a woman, whom the prisoner had been seen to visit, from all which proofs it satisfactorily appeared that this unhappy youth, corrupted by vicious company, had, by feelings of jealousy and tho temptation of money, been in stigated to murder his friend. “While tliis melancholy detail was given, the prisoner appeared almost sinking under contrition and shame. When the case had been closed for tho prosecution, the judge, in the most im pressive manner, called upon him for his defense. Ho stood up, and, after a short but violent effort to conquer his feelings, he addressed tho bench with a voice at first weak and tremulous, but afterward collected and full; “ ‘My Lord and Jury: You call upon me for my defense; I have, none to make, yet I am not guilty. You have just heard a circumstantial account of an atrocious crime, supported by a weight of evidence which, 1 fear, will leave np on your minds no doubt of my guilt. But it is all wrong. The woman who appeared in evidence never received the money from me; it was my fear of tho daDgerous influence which she bad ac quired over him that was the cause of tho temporary coldness of my friend, and which his better feelings, and bis confi dence in the purity of my intentions en abled him to conquer. My visits to the woman had no other object but to pre vail upon her to break off her connec tion with him. As to that horrible night, I will state all I know of it, I wa/ Awakened by a nose in my friend’s room, which was next to mine. I listened, and all was still, Tlion I heard what must fiave been my poor friend’s Inst dying cry, but which I thought was only tho involuntary moan of disturbed sleep; still, a vague but irresistible feeling of alarm impelled me to the room. By a light that was dimly burning, 1 discovered my friend in tho condition you have heard described,’ Here his voice faltered. ‘I have no recollection of what followed. When I came to myself tiio room was full of people, but I saw no one; I sav only him who lay in that bod, “ ‘Yon have hero a plain, unvarnished tale. I have no hopes that it will bear down the mass of evidence against me. I know I am the only one who can be charged with tho crime. Still I must say: Pause, beware of shedding inno cent blood. May the Lord, in His un erring wisdom, move your minds as seemeili best, to Him: for in Him is all my trust—man cannot save me.’ “Tho jury, after half an hour’s consul ration, returned tho verdict - guilty. He heard it respectfully, but unmoved. Sentence was prommeed in tho most impressive manner by tho judge, in a long and pathetic address, often inter rupted by his emotion. Ho expressed no doubt of tho prisoner’s guilt, and lamented the abuse of talents, tho cor ruptUn of a mint! ouco innocent, and earnestly recommended the unfortunate youth to confess bis guilt, rather than rashly persist in protestations of inno cenoe which could no longer savo hia life, and which precluded all access to divine mercy. “The prisoner then aroso, and never did I see a more expressive and com manding countenance. It was no longer the despondency of fear and the gloom of hopelessness, but the triumphant, yet calm and modest look of one about to receive the crown of martyrdom. “ ‘I bow with submission,’said lie, ‘to the judgment of my country, and, though 1 die innocent, I return thanks to the venerable judge who liur just pro nounced the awful sentence for the Christian tenderness with which he has treated one seemingly so deeply involved in guilt ns T am; the jury, as mon, could have returned no other verdict; far be it from mo to murmur against them; my doom was sealed in heaven. May the sacrifice of my life atone, if not for u crime of which I am innocent, at least for the many faults f lmvo com mitted. It is impossible not to recog nize in tiiis the band of tho Supremo Disposer of events. I did at first cling to life, and cherish fond hopes that I might yet bo saved and restored to my beloved father and the esteem of good men ; but 1 think I am now resigned to die, with a firm hope that, if my days are cut short in their prime, if my hopes of happiness and honor have been blasted, and an ignominious death is to be my lot, it is wisely and mercifully de creed, in order to redeem me from the Brrors into which I have fallen, to purify my soul from thoso feelings of self-ap plause and pride which had made mo seek human praise rather than peace witli God.’ "During this affecting address the hall was hushed to perfect stillness, and it was scarcely concluded when the deep, solemn silence was broken by I hone words: ‘I thank Thee, Oh, God, ho is Innocent !’ This exclamation, which Btrtick upon tho hearts of nil, proceeded from an old man who sat not far from me, and who had fallen on his knees in an attitude of prayer, his hands nonvitl sivoly clasped together; his lips were moving, but his eyes were shut. It was his father. A young and beautiful girl bad thrown her arms round the old man’s neck, and hung on his breast, pale and motionless. The prisoner started at the well-known voice, and in stinctively Bprang forward toward them; but he recollected his position, and, with a look which went to my heart, sat down, arid a flood of tears came to his relief. It would be difficult to paint the effect which so melancholy a sight had on the assembly; tears flowed from every eye. Even the jailers, who came to lead the youth to tho condemned cell, ap peared affected. “The execution was to take place tho following Monday. My late and re spected uncle, whoso lifo's work was to vinit the gloomy dungeon and shed on tho still deeper gloom of benighted souls the beams of Christian truth, was unremitting in his attentions to the young Bcotchman. But he . mo that, lie went there not to administer but to receive, and that the edifying be havior, the simplicity and resignation if the interesting youth, left no doubts of his innocence to all who visited him. Efforts were made, but too late, to save him. Tho day came. My uncle took me with him to the prison. At that time I was young and very thoughtless, but I received there an impression which neither years, nor sorrow, nor joy have effaced, and which will remain to my dying hour. "On reaching the scaffold IHo con demned man ascended the platform with a firm step, supporting, rather than sup ported by his father. He addressed a few words to the crowd, told them lie was innocent, that he hoped his inno cence would one day appear, but that he was resigned to die, trusting to (lie ire-rev of Him who died for all men. Af t(.r (Ills his father and he kneeled down in silent prayer—no words could have expressed tho feelings of their souls ; then, while the executioner was adjust ing the rope and covering his eyes, they sang a psalm together, in the most heart-rending acoeuts. The orowd was still as death and nothing was hoard but these last supplications of tho old man and his son mournfully ascondingon high. The song ceased the living mass below heaved back with a simultaneous motion of horror - lUe happy soul had fled. “A few days after, while tho poor father was yot, too weak to bear the fa tigue of a journey, tho seizure of a house breaker led to the detection of one of tb< darkest plots that xvas over contrived by guilty man. The ruffian, knowing there was no help for him, confessed that ho had been introduced into tho house by the old game-keeper, ami committed the murder according to his directions. Tho father heard this account with little emo tion. U knew,’ said Ho, ‘that he was in nocent I shall soon be with him. Still, I am glad for Ins sister's sake, that the world knows it; but it could not appre ate, it could not fed, tho dignity of in oeoneo.’ “This calamity excited universal sym pathy. Government offered to settle n pension on the man. Ho rejected it with disdain. ‘.Shall ] take the price of my son’s blood ?’ said tie. Thoy felt for him, respected Hih sorrow, and pressed him no further. A simple and elegant mots nmont erected over the bodies of the two victims, recorded in a few words their miserable end. Tho old man returned to Scotland where he died not long after his arrival, and his daughter soon after followed him to hia tomb.” THE NATIONAL HANKS. A ItrnoluMon lo Invi’Hliantc Tlioar of New \ orl* City. A Washington dispatch says: Tho severest condemnation was expressed be members of both parties on a resolution offered in tho House by Mr. Broadhead, of Missouri, authorizing an investigation of the national banks of New York city. His request for unanimous consent to its immediate consideration was objected to by Mr. Hewitt, and the resolution was promptly referred to the Banking and Currency Committee where it will be buried forever. Mr. Hewitt says ho objected to the consideration of tin's resolution, because lie knew that such a measure was only calculated to oreate distrust, unsettle business and precipitate trouble upon innocent business men. "Even if an in vestigation was necessary,” Haul Mr. Hewitt, “a Congressional Committee is the very last body that should be en trusted with such a mission. The soundest bank could not stand tho ex citement which would follow.” He had no criticism to make regarding Mr. Broadliead’s action, for he believed him to be only actuated by the purest mo tives. Yet he certainly made a great mistake and must have boon badly ad vised. Mr, Potter, of the Banking and Cur rency Committee, said lie was astonished that Mr. Broadhead should offer suoh a resolution at a time when the banks were safely over their troubles and there was no reason to snspeot that any of them were unsound. From what ho had heard, however, he believed that Mr. Broadhead had been deceived by de signing people. He felt very much pleased that Mr. Hewitt had made an objection, and, for one, lie would do all in his power to see that the resolution was never reported; even if reported, though, that would not help it now, as it was not a privileged matter and would have to go on tho calendar. It is known here that interested par ties in New York were aware that this resolution would be offered and that they have been on the lookout for it for several days in order to benefit by the effect it was expected to produce in un settling the stock market. Its reference to committee, however, killed the scheme completely. A Little Account An oooupant of one of the offloes in tho city building in ltutland told, Friday evening, a littlo anecdote that we repro duce. “Tho first part of the story took place thirteen years before the main event that I am going to toll you abont. I was a yonng fellow and was taking n girl to ride. We drove into Greene to a party in winter. We got out at the house where tho party was to ho, placed games for half an hour, kissed the girls, perhaps, and then wrapped up and drovo homo. Well, sir, thirteen years afterward, a number of years ago, a man dropped into my share. He said: ‘How d’ye do,’ and so did I. He said: ‘Your name’s K .ain’t it?' Said I, ‘Yes.’ ‘Let’s see,’ said he, ‘you was out to my house to a party, warn’t you, once ?’ ‘Yes, sir, and had a good time,’ said 1. Then the old fellow drew a piece of paper out of his pocket and passed it to me. ‘You owe me a littlo bill, don't you ? It’s all writ down on the paper. ’ The paper was a bill of forty cents for baiting the horse, thir teen years before. I made him sit-down and reckon interest before I paid him, and then I told him to get right out of the store.” Rat land ( Vt. j Herald.. A Stratford, Conn., woman dreamed tiiat she saw her husband kissing a neighbor’s wife. She awoke and struck him in the, face, breaking his nose. Ho mast have thought that he had been kicked by a night-mare. NO. 27. CONFLICFUSfi DIVORCE LAWS. Is a Desres hi T.-vi- n line to n SUM ill New York Mule f [From the New York Herald. 1 In relation to tho mixed condition of tho divorce laws of the several States, a case of interest was submitted to Judge Andrews, in Supremo Court, Special Term. The suit was brought by William Gibson Jones against Lula V. Jones. The parties were married iu June, 1R75, and separated in 1377, the wife leaving her husband on the ground of cruelty, and going with her father, Ward 11. Wakefield, to Camp county, Texas, where the latter had purchased a planta tion. After a residence of two years iu Texas the wife commenced a suit for divorce in that Slate on the ground of cruelty, and obtained a suit iu her favor on May 9, 1883. Tho husband had apix-ared and de fended the suit, and during that period, the wife alleged, the cruelties on his part we re repeated. When flic decree xvas given against him tHe Imsband ap pealed and carried the ease to the high est court of t lie State, where it was affirmed iu nn opinion in which the prin cipal act of cruelty—that of an unfounded charge of adultery against the wife was characterized as one to which no vir tuous and refined woman should be com pelled to submit without redress from tiio courts. Iu the meantime the hus band brought tho suit in this Slate, which was still peudiug at the time his wife got her decreo in Texas, and which wuis only then reached for trial. After the decree was rendered Judge Andrews granted permission to the xvife to plead it in the suit of her husband boro as a part of her defence. On tho trial counsel for the wife offered in evidence a certificate of tho proceedings of the Texas court, includ ing the decree; and claimed that the hus band having appealed and contested that suit tho judgment therein formed an absolute lmr to the present suit. Tiio introduction of tiio decree was opposed by counsel for tho husband, who claimed that the record showed the wife had remained just long enough in Texas to como within the requirements of tho statute ns to residence; that sho never lind lost her residence in this State, and that as the suit wns based on acts of cruelty alleged to have been com mitted in this State this court had a right to inquire into tho jurisdiction of the Texas court and to rojeot the decreo if it thought proper. Judge Andrews said the question was an important one, in view of the present stnte of the divorce laws, and reserved his deoision. The Niece of President Buchanan. Great wealth and exalted station are no safeguard against the commonest ills that befall humanity. Harriet Lane,the niece of ex-President Buchanan, has lost her husband, Henry E. Johnston, the Baltimore banker. Sorrows have fallen tbiok and fast upon her iu recent years. When I visited at Wheatland rnoro titan a year ago, says a letter writer, they were then in mourning for their eldesl son, James Buchanan Johnston. Tho other son wns convalescing from the same disease that had carried off his brother, and the parents hurried with him to Europe iu the hope of saving his life. They had scarcely readied Paris before lie, too, was dead. Tiio parents never recovered from this errible blow. They closed their splen did home in Park avenue, Baltimore,amt the wealth that had been largely expend ed in hospitality was devoted to chari table purposes. In memory of their boy, they founded and endowed the Harriet Lane Johnston Hospital for girls and a training school for nurses. Mrs. John ston withdrew from the society in whioh site had been most prominent and rarely left the house except on missions of re ligion und mercy. Mr. Johnston failed rapidly in health and retired from the control of tin; groat banking house. His death now leaves his distinguished widow lonely indeed. Their sons were bright, manly lads, full of mental and physical vigor, and gave promise oi growing into noble manhood. The last timo I saw Harriet Lane in the streets of Baltimore grief had worn deep lines in that handsome face that seemed so attractive and so dignified under its crown of abundant white hair, j One of her chief solaces in recent years has been the issuing of Curtis’s life of her uncle. She xvas to him moro of a daughter than a uiece. A liinciiinn’s Feat “What do you consider as the greatest feat in tho history of linemen ?” The old lineman thought a moment, and then said: “I think it occurred when George Riley xvas ordered in a hurry to carry a secret wile from a di rector’s room—to hide it, understand. He looked over the room, and found a speaking tubo. After trying vainly to push the wires down through the angles of the tube, he went into tho cellar, set a trap and caught a mouse. no then tied a string to the mouse’s tail, and sent the mouse safely down tho tube. When tho string was through he made the wires sing to it. They were then readily drawn through to the room, three stories below, where the terminus of the tube was.” Tub hoarse laugh indicates brutality of character, HIE HUMOROUS PAPERS. What wk kinii in thkvi to mciii.k OVHIt TIIIN VYKUIt. NO OUT IN SAt-AnrRH. Tile employees of a Michigan railroad lmd boon trembling in their lioots over a threatened reduction of wages, when an agent dispatched from headquarters passed along the line and said to the va rious station officials : "I am happy to inform you that thore xvill lie no cut in salaries.” “Good. My salary is so small that I could hardly stand a out of 5 per cent.” “The road is not making any money, lujt tiio President feels that every era ployec is earning his salary,and Hint i‘r luqiH the full business may bring us out all right. Put your name down for wlint you can afford. ” “On what ?” “Why, on this paper. Tt is a subscrip tion to buy the President a 82,000 silx’or leu-sot ns a token of the esteem of tho employees. Let’s see? Yen get 8000 per year. If you put your name down for 8' r >o you xvill be giving all you can af ford. Rest easy, Mr. Blank, there xvill bo no out in salaries.” HOXtfc THE KANGAROO ACTBP. “So you went to the circus, Mary?’ “Oh, yes, and enjoyed, myself very much.” “Did you seo the kangaroo in the uie uagorie ?” “I did, and folt sorry for it. Poor thing, it is dying, isn’t it?" “Why, no. What put that into your head ?” “The way it acted. When I saw il it seemed to tie on its last legs,”- Abi.itr villc Journal. DO GUT OFF. Here’s a bit ol conversation between Belle, six years, and Frank, five years : Belle— “Frank, do got el! that sofa with your feet. Mamma paid a hundred thousand dollars for that sofa, ora great deal of money, anyway.” Frank—“Uh, yes! get oil that sofa ’cause she paid money for it. ( let on tiio floor; sit on the carpet; sho paid money for tHe carpet. Go out on tho gross; tiiat cost money to plant it, too, Geton the ground; she paid for that, too, didn’t she ? Hang yourself ill air; that's Ills only tiling round here you can do." All this in one string, ns sarcastic as pos sible. A SAD, SAD CASK. Hill Simpson and Jim Dobson are two Austin society young men, who Imve heretofore lived by their xvil-s; they hove no money of their own, bill man age to live by borrowing and gambling. Not long since Bill Simpson’s rich uncle died and left him a fortune. Shortly afterward he met tiis old chum Dobson, who asked: “Wliat tins como over yon, Bill? Be fore you came into possession of ail that money yon xvero the jollicst fellow in Austin, alxvays in a good humor and full of fun, but now that you are rich, you sit around as if you had the toothache. What has come over you, anyhow ?” “Oh, Jim, you don’t know—you can’t possibly realize how it hurts a fellow to have to spend his own money.” —Texan Siftings. ONE THAT HE KEPT. For peace and good will of tiio men Iherein, Boston clulw excel. There was one little tiff iu one of the clubs the other day that has croated much amuse ment. The men had a row, one with another, that xvas really, I imagine, sharper in words than in mind. At any rate, ono told tho other that there was no use for him to talk club manners aud requirements. “To my certain knowledge, you've broken every rule in the club but one Bince you belonged to it.” “Indeed 1 And what’Bthat?” ‘Feeing tho servants.” in neV YORK. Stranger—“l say, sir, here’s a tioke' yon can have cheap.’’ New Yorker—“ Ticket for what?” “Ticket for Europe; first-class pas sage.” “J don’t want to go to Europe.” “What are you hurrying so for then ?” “I’m late to dinner.” ‘Oh! beg pardon. I’m a steamship agent, and 1 thought from your hasto you must be a bank president. ’’—Phil, Call. WHY HE "BDOPED.” Miss Pert to young Oneoftheboys,wlio Had been indulging a trifle and had a somewhat "vehement” breath; “Did you ever stand near a passing train ?” “Oh, yes, lots of times.” “Well, didn’t it take your breath axvay ?” “Not at all, my dear Miss Pert.” “Well, what xvill, then?" Young Oneoftheboys felt his breath taken away by the question and sloped at nneu WHY ITE XVAS FINED. “I don’t believe that I’ll fine you,” said a polico judge, to a young tnnn who had been arraigned for drunkenness. “Thank you, Judge, for this is tho first time that I was ever arrested for being drunk.” “What 1” tho Judge exclaimed; “tho first time? Then I shall fine you, for a man who was never drunk before should have better sense than to g< drunk the first time.”- -Arkansa/w frav • clr.r. Lucky Bob Swan. Tho Ottumwa (loxva) Democrat tells this story : Bob Hwan, of this place, xvlio served as captain in the Thirtieth In diana Infantry, applied for a pension, whioh was granted, with $5,‘380 back pay. To complete the proof his dis charge papers xvero needed, but after a search in the records they could not bo found, which reminded (Bob that at the time his company was mustered out lie was on detailed duty elsewhere and was evidently forgotten. Inasmuch ns he was never mustered out he will draw 885,000 as captain’s pay,