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Innitipmi UJfln UEHfS nd satisfactory. Purifies lhe blood from infancy to old age. One bottle proves it* snperiorlty. Hereditary Taint,mil Scnifu ious symptome curd. ItcltinK Humors anaOlandularSuelliinrs rvliwcil Ul l a.I 811 fili'ii If|TP 9 II | ft Cures OhronieSkln Ulflmu matches, splototitis, him! all other troubles of the skin affecting ohl and young. He duces scrofulous, & Glandular Swellings, Turn' >rs,i ivarian Tumors. Bn larged Glands, et<\ CuresCata.rrh.Osvena. Hip Disease, old atom mm -"i 1 llin Cures all itages of STS !1 i N Rj ! I ■f.vphtlisaml Syphl- S 0 3 ’ sjf 111 | I line troubles ' urea lit ' rliflUfJ.iS - tur di>ea-e of the bones ana rcpCk ■^H r< ■' 1 to ieruales mi tiering from painful, I ■l'' 1 - "pressed and pr.ii>ngcl menstruatiou, or ■ DU 1 ".re i rated from long If U 81.009 eSLM i ■"'it.i< rr I, pi.*" tie cun.- i,me cases Send for |*nii.:.l.-t of bonu cures. A: nil Drug Store*. Otic V.nti. gi Hl.'.'.Hi IJAI.SI iiIMI’ANY. Atlanta, Oa 1' •a!:' It >'*, : lien I ■ liv .1 S. f’LKGH >1 N .V t O. ami Til Mil's >N HILL . HM# hew Home C! - lAf 'jSO -k 5^ 13 !.e &>E CT^ABT iCULAR Pqj IN outoTorkb. NEWHOMn mcMA[H j^r 1 30 UNION SQUARE NEW YORK ■tVCAa lU-A/Vb it-i MASS GA. T 0 R SALE BY J I'M A~i ; iV at GA I X. SUMMKin II.: : GA # NEW HehAhm Davis Tho lightest running Shuttle Sewing Machine ever produces, combining greatest simplicity, durability and speed. It is adapted to a greater va riety of practical and fancy work than any other. No basting ever required. For particulars as to prices, &c., and for any desired information, address rHE OAViS SEWING MACHINE CO, WATERTOWN, N. Y. 158 Tremont St., Boston, Mass. 1223 Chestnut St.. Philadelphia. Pa. 113 Publio Square, Clevela: , Ohio. 46. 48 & 50 Jackson St., Chics;.'..lJ. Fur sale in Summerville by J. 8. CLEG HORN A. CO. ALA 8 ASTI NE A Superior Substitute for Kalsomine. etc Alaliasline is the first and onhj preparation made froiii calcined gypsum rock, for appli cation In v .i.l.s with a brush, ami is fully cov er,h! by patents and perfected by many years of c'cper.imiils. It is the only iierniaiiont wall tiniah. and admits of applying as many coats as desired, one over another, to any hard surface, without danger of scaling, or noticeably adding to the thickness of the wall, which is strengthened and improve 1 by e:,-a additional coal, from time to time. It is ihe only material for the purpose not de | intent upon glue for Its adhesiveness. Ai tinstill** is hardened on the wall by age, moisture, etc., while all kateogtines or whit ening preparations have inert soft chalks and glue fur their base, which are rendered soft or scaled in a very short time. In addition to (lie above advantages. Air •.•Mine is lc.-s expensue, as it requires bu' one-half the number of pounds to cover the .same amount of surface with two coats, is ly for use by adding water, and easily applied by any one. To sail- by lour Paint Dealer. Ask for C rul r emit .lining Samples of 12 tints, (namif.iclmnl o:,:i by the Alabastinl Cos.. . U. Ciicfa'ff Ma ager. Grand Rapids, Mich. is - , > ■■■■>•, ■ ■ iufiwta—a Girls, if you do wed, marry a strong man. .Tnsr think bow nice it will be to have a husband who comes up from the cellar with a wash tub in each arm and a piled up scuttle suspended from his teeth. @ljc (iNijcttc. VOL XL * PURE * PAINTS ReadyForUse Olives, Terra Cottas and all the latest fashionable shades lor CITY COUNTRY OR SEASIDE. Warranted durable and permanent, Dosoriptivo Lists, showing 32 actual shades, sent ou application. For sale by the principal dealers, wholesale and retail, throughout the country. Ask for them and take no others, BILLINGS, TAYLOR & CO, CLEVELAND, OHIO. ■=-*- SANDS’ PATENT TRIPLE rREEZEkX The only Freezer ever made having three distinct motions Inside the ran, thereby, of course, produc ing finer and smoother Cream than any other Freezer on the market. 300,000 in use. Catalogue and Price Mat Railed upon application. WHITE MOUNTAIN FREEZER CO., NASHUA, N. H. II Mi*. O’lltirris Turned. Tho other night a laboring man named O’Harris was drinking beer and playing cards in a Grand River avenue saloon, when somebody asked him what sort of a wife he had. “The humblest, ilocilest little woman in all this world,” he replied. “Doesn’t she ever say anything about your spending your evenings away from home ?” “Never a word.” “And has she no objections to yom spending half your wages in beer and cards?” “if she has sho doesn’t state ’em.” “lint won’t she turn on you some day ? You know that even a worm will turn ?” “Faith and she will that. I’ve been going on in this way for the last four teen years, and for the last two I’ve been looking for a climax. A wife sutlers about so long and then slio turns on you. ” Not more thun live minutes had passed, and the men were busy with their cards, when a woman ojiened the door and slipped in. She stood for a moment to get Hie range, and then made a bee-line for the laborer. Off went his hat, the hair flew in showers, and over went tho table with its glasses and cards. Five or six badly frightened men rushed out of doors in a body, the last one helped along by a push from a chair, and as the laborer took tho middle of the street and gathered himself together for some tall running he cried out with a lump in his throat: “It’s my wife, and she’s turned at last. I’d like to see tho worm which would upset seven men and a saloon in the elegant manner just witnessed in side I” —Detroit Free Press. Lewis ( ass and His Preceptor. Tn a pamphlet giving reminiscences ot Dr. Benjamin Abbot, the first Princi pal of Phillips Exeter Academy, which has been compiled by Prof. Waterhouse, the following anecdote is related: “Lew is Cass,” said Dr. Abbot, “was a very wild boy. One day his father, Major Cass, came to me and asked me if I would take his sou, ‘Certainly; but why do you ask me ?’ ’Oh, the young ster is headstrong and hard to manage. I am an officer and can govern soldiers, but that boy is too much for me. ’What does he do ?’ ’Plays truant, runs away from hie work, steals off without my permission to go a gunning, fishing, and swimming, and is full of all kinds of pranks.’ ‘Well, send him to me, and PI 1 see what I can do with him.’ The boy was placed under my charge. Sev eral months later I met his father, and asked him how his son was gettin along. ’Well, Sir,’ said he, ‘if Lewis was half as afraid of the Almighty as he is of yon I should never have any more trouble with him.”’ In relating this incident Dr. Abbot fairly shook with the laughter which the recollections of Major Cass’s answer excited. SUMM EHVI I LL, UEOROI V WEDNESDAY EVENING, AUGUST i><>, 188*4. THE RTHO. A I ami of Imraisliod gold, My fingers gently hold, Did through the magic circle of its ri* Before my dimming eye*, A tlumMUul memories rise. \ud fill my soul with longing, vague and dim. 1 act m to see the gate, At which I Used to wait evr her who g.ivo to me thin token sweet, 1 fee! a tender thrill, That calls to mind the hill Where hours, like moments, tied on pinion* UCvt. Tho form of youthful grace, The smiling, tender face, Is near me srill, in spirit, though tho years Have slowly come and fled, And cherished hopes lie dead, Along my way too thickly strewn for team. Oh, little band of gold ! A wealth of joy untold Your shining circle conjures to my mind, An t will - until my breath Shall meet the kian of death, And ull the pain of earth be left behind. James 0. ll abvet. M A HI! VINO AN HEIRKSS. Tin* Inflight, stealing softly through iin-heavy Bilk window draperies of tho i' : ti \ ul Abbott Court, became trans i orm ed into u sort of crimson duskiness Hi;* clear, low-burning tire glimmered, uko coral, all aglow —and the two ruddy paths that betokened the whereabouts f the two gentlemen and their cigars, .-hone steadily from the cushions and chairs on either side of tho hearth. Dinner whs just over- tho clock in the hull had chimed seven and Mr. Abbott and his distant cousin, and adopted son were alone together. “My dear Gerald, you must bo crazy,” said the elder gentleman, in a tone of great, though repressed irritation. ■’My dear Mr. Abbott, I never was more sane in my life.” “But just look at the advantages of the thing I I tell you she is young and pretty, with au independent fortune in her own right ’’ “May I never sink so low as to be come a fortune-hunterejaculated Ger ald, fervently. “Pshaw —nonsense I and Berkeley and 1 have both set our hearts upon it I” “Mr. Abbott, I would rather walk up to a cannon’s month than have a wife thrust at me in that sort of way—it is repellent to every manly feeling of my nature." “I only ask you to see her, Gerald— she is coming to New York in a week, and ” “And I shall take particular pains to leave (own in a week !” Tho elder gentleman fired up instan taneously. “Gerald, I forbid you talcing any such foolish step, at the peril of being turned out of my house !” Gerald colored high. “Mr. Abbott, you have been very kind to me for years, I feel that I owe you almost a son’s duty and allegiance--hut in this matter I can not be dictated to.” “Take your choice, sir,” ejaculated Mr. Abbott, who had now wrought him self into a towering passion; “either leave my house and protection, or com ply with my wishes about this young lady; and I give you until to-morrow morning to think it over.” Gerald was silent; lie could not trhst himself to speak—and it was a relief to him when Mr, Abbott rose, and left the room. The next morning, when the coffee and newspaper were brought in, no Gerald made his appearance, only a note instead, thanking his benefuntor for the uninterrupted kindness of years, and announcing his intention, for the future, to depend on his own exertions for a livelihood, rather than toconlractu marriage, so opposed to all his wishes and predilections! Mr. Abbott read tho note through with a contemptuous "hump!” then tore it in little pieces. “The young scamp I” he muttered; “he’ll be back fast enough, \ warrant me. Earning one’s own living isn’t such an easy affair to a man who has been brought up as he has, and so lie’ll find it. I never knew such obstinacy in my life—the ungrateful, reckless young vagabond I” Nevertheless, tho old house seemed very sad and lonely without the light footsteps and cheerful voice of the adopted sou. “I didn’t know I was so fond of him, the more fool I !” grumbled Mr. Abbott. “But he may go his own gait for all me.” Meanwhile, Gerald, full of spirit and ambition, was sitting in a dismal hotel parlor, where the chimney smoked, and tho paper was peeling off the wall in mildewed spots, taking down various memoranda from the advertisingcolumns of the newspaper. “Anong all these ‘wants' I should think I might manage to satisfy one or two at least,” he exclaimed gayly to himself as he rose, buttoned his over coat and drew on his glovd. “At all events, I am ready and willing to work.” “Jones A* Cobb,” the first place, looked dubiously over the four spectacle glasses at the young applicant; “they could not think of employing a young man who could not bring Bolid refer ences from his last place.” “Solomon & G 0,,” the next ou the list, “wanted no raw hides," and politely motioned Gerald to tho door. “Parker A Swift,” a gift enterprise establishment, required a deposit of one hundred dollars—au item Gerald did uot happen to possess. “Markham A Markham’s," light and easy place, turned out to lie that of a heavy porter; and the “Splendid oppor tunity to realize a fortune,” in which Gerald had unconsciously built many hopes, was to peddle from door to door a newiy-inventod variety of blacking. Footsore and weary, tho young man returned to his hotel, late at night, with thoughts and ideas by no menus so san guine ns when he had sallied forth, and serious cogitations on tho subject of tak ing cheap lodgings. It was not so easy to obtain a monoy maklng situation in New York ns he had supposed. So passed away a week—ten days—a fortnight, and he was as far as ever from obtaining a place where ho could earn his daily bread, while his slender stock of funds was fast decreasing, and his spirits beginning to sink ill proportion. Vague thoughts ot enlisting or work ing his passage loross seas in some great American vessel—of seeking em ployment in the country ns a farm hand- -were passing through his mind, when one morning his eye caught the following advertisement: “Wanted—-A private tutor to instruct three boys in French, German nnd Latin, three hours a day. Apply at street.” Tt was a straw, but Gerald clung to it, and half an hour afterward he was silling in a snug library in a handsome brown-stone house, nervously awaiting an interview, having sent lip liis name as “Mr. Selwyti.” “For I feel that I ought no longer to hear the name of Abbott, even though it is justly mine,” lie thought, Fr; sently a plump matron iu blue silk and flowing cap-ribbons, sailed into the room—Mrs. Audley, tho mother of the three boys in question, rosy varlots of nine, ten nud eleven, who followed her with eyes eager of curiosity. Tommy, Raymond and Harold were duly introduced, and their mother at once explained the difficulty of obtain ing sufficient attention at tho school they had been attending, and her many perplexities as to the best mode of teaching their young ideas how to shoot. ‘‘ l’h. y are such sad rebels that the governess can do nothing with them, and, really, Mr. Selwyn, I sometimes think they will grow up as ignorant as threo young savages! Adelo advised mo to advertise for a tutor, an excellent idea, I’m sure—and —and as for terms—” She hesitated anil looked piteously at the tutor, unaware that Master Ray mond wits surreptitiously drawing ill 1 the hairpins out of lier chignon. “Having never taught before, I am unable to name any precise sum,” said Gerald, almost as much embarrassed as was she, herself. “Dear mo, how awkward -but Adele thought—my sister fancied that if you would come tlireo times a week, per haps five dollars a lesson would bo about light I" “1 shall be quite satisfied with that arrangement,” replied Gerald, to whom it se* med as if a mine of gold were suddenly opening. Fifteen dollars a wool: I He thought of the solitary dollar in his purse, and rejoiced in spirit 1 The lessons commenced the very next day—but at about tho third one, Mrs. Audloy’s blue ribbons and plump face once more made their appearance. “Now I’m going to be politely dis mis.-ed,” thought our hero, with a cold chill at his heart 1 But no such ill-for tune awaited him. “To tell you the truth, Mr. Selwyn,” said the rosy matron, “my sister, Adele, is anxious to perfect herself in German, and I told her I was sure you wouldn’t object to her joining the class—” “Hurrah ! won’t it he jolly for Aunt Adelo to study with us I” bawled Harold. “Harold, be still 1” said his mother, despairingly. “Tom, if that chair should slip, you would fall headlong into the fire 1” “I shall be happy to have tho lady join our class,” said Mr. Selwyn, pictur ing to himself a spectacled old maid de voted to inky fingers and "belles-let ters.” “Thank you; anil would two dollars a lesson—” “It would be quite satisfactory, mad am,” said Gerald, bowing. “Very well - I'll call Adelo.” And Adele came—no spectacled maiden lady, but a beautiful little dam sel of eighteen, with golden brown curls, eyes of the most limped hazel and lips like twin cherries. “Dear mo, are you the tutor?” said Miss Warren, frankly. “Why, I thought you were a fussy old fellow of fifty 1” Gerald laughed, he could not help it; and thus melted away all the formality of their first meeting I Adele was the moat charming pupil in the world—ready to learn, quick to com prehend; and invaluable in repressing the noisy spirits of the three boys, who one and all idolized “Aunt Adele,” and would even commit the sacrifice of keep ing still tor five consecutive minutes to oblige her I So the lessons went on, tor two or three weeks, and one night, Gerald Sel wyn, walking home by the dusky glim mer of the winter twilight, checked himself suddenly iu the middle of the street. "It's dangerous,” he muttered be tween his set teeth. “By Jove, it's as dangerous as playing with a powder magazine I fm in love with her now desperately, modly in love—l, the poor tutor. Well, good-by to the lesßous. I had better starve than forget my manly honor and honesty.” So, the next, day, when lessons were over and done, Tom, Harold and Ray mond had considerately taken them selves off to base-ball; Gerald spoke to Miss Warren. “Miss Adele,” heflhid, faltering a lit tle, in spite of himself, “f am afraid this must be our last lesson." “Our last lesson I” Blui turned as white as the mautle-pieoe. "Why? Have we said or done anything to offend you ?" “By no means; our intercourse has been pleasant, beyond my fondest hopes; in fact, too pleasant I” Adele’s cheek orimsoned again—she looked earnestly at the young man. “You mean—” “I mean,” he broke forth, passion ately, “that I have been mad fool enough not to see you without losing my heart 1 I mean that I love you— that t cannot longer remain here, with out expressing my love—that you are a favorite of fortune, and l only a poor, half-starved tutor I Good-by, Adele— let mo call you Adele just once 1” “1 am a favorite of fortune, indeed,” she said, gently, “if I have been able to win the affection of so true and noble a heart. Gerald—l love you, too— stay I” And she hid her blushing face upon his shoulder. Half an hour afterward, she insisted j upon leading him into tho parlor, lo j confide iu Mrs. Audley. “For I want Susie to know ail about it,” she said, with a pretty, coaxing smile, which it was impossible to re. sist; “Susie always liked you so much.” Mrs. Audley was in the parlor, lint Mrs, Audley was not alone, two elderly gentlemen were sitting with her. “This is my Uncle Berkeley, Mr. Selwyn,” Adele said, introducing Gerald to the older, “and this is Mr. Abbott.” “Gerald I” cried liis adopted father seizing both his hands with a grip that made llicin ache. "Sir I” echoed the astonished young mail. "Row is this?” exclaimed Mr. Abbott looking from Adele to Gerald, and back again. “Surely you have never ” “(hit I have, sir,” said Gerald, resolu toly. “ I love this young lady, and I would marry her if forty heiresses stood in the way.’’ “It’s the very ouo ! —it’s Berkeley’s niece, and my little pet, Adele Warren 1” roared Mr. Abbott, in an ecstasy of de light. “To Bay that yon should have gotie and picked her out, and fallen in love with her yourself, after all your protestations I Adelo, this young villain whose arm you’re leaning on is my adopted son, Gerald Abbott 1 Berkeley, Fate lias declared in our favor most sig nally.” Yes, it was true. Gerald had walked into the very complication he had schemed so desperately to avoid, and Allele's blue eyes had been the lode-stars to attract him thither. But she had been as unconscious as himself, that she was stealing away tho heart of Gerald Abbott instead of Mr. Belwyu tho ob scure tutor. Great was tho rejoicing of Mr. Abbott when his adopted sou, once more received into the highest favor, was married to the very heiress he had selected for him I “ Never mind her money, old fellow,” said he, gently, “yon will have all mine, one day, and that will make you even I” Money I as if Gerald could think of money when he looked into Adele’s blue ayes I Con. MaijOzbwski, who died lately at his home in Prussian Poland, was 100. While serving in the Prussian army he was taken prisoner, and forthwith en tered the French army and took part in many of Napoleon’s campaigns. After Waterloo he went home, but in the ris ing of 1830 entered the Polish army and, being taken prisoner, passed forty-seven years ill Siberia. Ho was only released in 1870. Wine vs. Dress. A Spanish writer goes into a calcula tion of tho cost of visiting a Paris dressmaker’s establishment. His wife must have a mi iilest bal 1 dress, not over gar nished with hand-woven felicities, either; but this gown will cost S4OO. Now the husband is tho owner of a viriyard- Wine sells in the crude at fifty cents the six gallons, and 4,800 gallons will be necessary to purchase the garment Each acre will produce in moderate sea sons 600 gallons a year; therefore eight acres of grapes will be required. But then consider the digging, hoeing, re hoeing of the vine stock, the sulphuring of tho grapes, tho salary of the super intendent, the cost of grape picking, the endless jiruning, and the nurturing of the vine sprouts. All this will cost per haps S3OO, so that the liquid product of the eight acres will not, after all, lie more than SIOO. It is indispensihle, consequently, that one should he the proprietor of thirty-two acres of excel lent vines if one would give to his wife that dress. NO 31. TALKS WITH THE BOYS. HOMK IJOOU AIJVH’K TO Till: KISINO OKNttItATIOiN. \ IzOmnoii Ih l.lfc—Wlini \on l*o. Ho li W i ll anil Kfrrlvp Your l(i > Hiiril< if yon have arrived at the age of 15 ot 18 it is timo yon looked matters square iu the face nnd had some idea of your future. If you were to answer at once you would say that you would taka a profession in preference to a trade. A profession mean* several years of hard study, quite a large cash outlay awl 'lieu trials' and rebuffs to get a start in business. Tt is one thing to graduate as a lawyer or a doctor, and quite another to piok up clients and patients. If you have fully decided on a profession bo careful of your first move, If yon have a large head your grandmother lias doubtless many times exclaimed: “What a groat lawyer this boy would make." Don’t try to make one on the size of your head. We’ve got any number of that class in the country now, and they can’t pay thoir grocers’ bills. If yon can pull a Bliver out of your linger without winking it may bo a sign that you would make a good surgeon. It may also be a sign that you are born to be a butcher. How will you know what to pursue? Your own feelings are the safest guide. If left to your parents and to circumstances you may he forced into a trade or pro fession which yon can never make a success. When you come to realize that you must make your own way in life your particular forte will be apt to reveal itself. One of the best lawyers in Detroit was intended for the ministry; another served three years as a jour nalist, but all the time feeling that he was out of liis element; another was forced by his father to learn the trade of harness maker. I know* a machinist who at first studied medicine; of a watchmaker who tried to become a lawyer; of a carpenter who threw away three years of his life trying to become a dentist. After you have selected your profes sion or trade, what then ? Strive to master it iu all its details and to excel. If you become a carpenter, don’t be satisfied when yon can saw and plane and match. Don’t be satisfied with $2 per day. Make yourself worth $3. Mas ter details, and push yourself from cai penter to builder. Don’t imagine that a man in search of a lawyer walks down the street and drops in at the first sign hanging out. It is the lawyer who has climbed above his fellows that lie seeks out. If our friends are ill we want the best dootor. We want the man who lias made himself the best by study and energy. The blacksmith who is content to mend old wagons will never iron a now one. The machinist who stands at the lathe to do about so much work in ten hours need not hope to lie better off. It is the men who put their heart into what they do who succeed. I can name you twenty instances in Detroit where skilled workmen have been taken as partners in large fac tories. The clerk who is capable, honest and persevering is bound to win a higher position. The joiner who does liis work to last for years instead ot months is never out of work. There are house painters who are satisfied to stand on a ladder or scaffold at $‘2.50 per day. There are other house painters whose energy and enthusiasm have made them sign-writers and decorators, and raised their wages to S4O per we’ek. It is not so much what you do, but how yon do it, that brings prosperity. M. Quad. Down on Enterprise. A Detroiter who moved to Southern Indiana and went into business a ten months ago will return next week. He settled in a town where they did not ap preciate his enterprise. He invented a self-rising pancake, and they fined him SSO for advertising it oil the side of the mooting house. Ho dropped the price of codfish to three cents, anil boneless at that, and three butchers in tho town waylaid and pounded him. He refused to make his grocery tho headquarters of old bald heads who wanted to talk horse and jaw about hard times, and someone bored holes in his kerosene barrels and started the story that he poisoned his first wife. A month ago he brought out anew baking powder, advertised it on the fence around the graveyard, and hired a boy to follow u funeral proces sion and distribute bills. That night they tried to blow him up with dyna mite, and a shingle on which was writ ten “You are too previous for this local ity. ” was nailed on his house. The gro oer will come back to Detroit. Here he can make the fur fly and the hair stand on end and the blood of tho public grow cold with his flysheets in Bibles, and there is no one to make him afraid.”— Detroit Free Press. A youno man who was addicted to the opium habit in a California city, stole a coat from a room iu Ms boarding house, so that ho would be sent to jail for a few weeks, where he oould not obtain the drug. But to his dismay ho fouud that his crime was a burglary instead of petit larceny, and he was sentenced tc the State prison for a term of years. Efforts are now being made to secure Ins pardon. QUAKER CITY WIT. A HATCH ONTII A V .IOKRM FROM TUB “GVGMNIt C A1.1..” IIAKD TO SUIT. Little Jnak "Tell mo a story, auntie.” Old Maid Aunt— "What kind of a story ?” “Oh, just a story without any moral to It, and 1 without any instruction either. I don’t like the kind my gov erness tells.” "Well, lot mo son. Oh, yes, when I was a girl—” “Oh, l don’t liko that kind.” “Wlmt kind?" “Stories about ancient history.’ TWO OIIAMPTONS. Friend—“Ah I glml to see you, Blank. How did your great boat race with Swift, the champion sculler, como oil?” Blank (champion oarsman) —"I won.” "Glad of it; glad of it. I was afraid he would beat you. What time did you make ?” “An hour and a half.” “Groat Leonidas! Au honr and a half. Why it’s a ten-minute course, and I have seen you do it in eight.” “Well, you sco that villain Swift sold out the race end was bound 1 should beat him and ho rowed as slow as he could.” “But why should that effect your timo? Why didn’t you spin over the course iu eight minutes ?’’ “Well, you see l had sold out too, nud wanted him to beat me.” A HARD-WOBKINO MYTH. A beautiful Promise stood in tho hotel rntri sot mopping his brow. “Yon seem exhausted,” said a Settee. “Exhausted I I gness you don’t know me. Not much I I’m just getting warmed up to my work. I’m willing tc bet I can do more hard work between now and election day than anybody.” “Do you never rest ?” “Oh, yes; right after election I’ll gc to sleep, and you won’t see mo again for four years.” WORTHY OP ITS NA Mil. Irate Customer—“ See here, sir, I bought one of those lightning ice cream freezers of you last, week.” Dealer—“ Well, it proved worthvof it* uamo, didn’t it?” Rate Customer—‘’Worthy of its name i Why it turned the cream sour.” Dealer—“ Yes, that’s what lightning does. ” TERRORS OP GOTHAM I,AW. Warden —“Ah, ha I Got nabbed at last, did you? Guess a week in the dark cell will do yon good. What did you do? Steal a coat?” Newly Arrived Prisoner—“ Coat ! coat I I have not had any coat but my own in my possession.” Warden —"Robbed a till, perhaps?” Prisoner —“Certainly not, sir. I ran away with $5,000,000, but dill not run far enough, that is all.” Warden—“Ah, ueg pardon. Would you like your apartments single or ou suite? Here, Mike, take tho gentle man’s had and put the champagne on ice.” * PERFECT RRIOK. Jones —“1 don’t see how you can call that idle, dissolute fellow a ‘brick.’ ” Smith—“And why not a brick ?” “A brick iH of very great use in the world. Asa part of a wall or chimney each one is valuable, but that fellow is absolutely worthless.” “But I was uot referring to a brick in a wall or chimney, when I used the term. ” ‘ ‘To what, then ?” “I meant a loose brick.” A REAP YEAR HINT. Maud—“ Why do they put wax on champagne corks, Mr. Sliyman?” Mr. Skyman—“To keep it." “To keep it ?” “Yes; unless perfectly air-tight the stuff becomes spoiled, and won’t pop.” “Ohl was it your mother’s failure to wax you when you wore young that spoiled you ?” “Spoiled mo I” “Yes; you won’t pop, either.” ARRIVING IN EUROPE. Princess Beatrice—"Ma, there’s u man at tho door says lie wants to buy Windsor Castle." Queen Vic.—“ Mercy on us I Call the police. Ho nniHt boa lunatic. Thera is not a man in England rich enough to buy Windsor Castle.” Princess Boatrice—“But ho is a® American.” Queen Vic.— “What is his business Y Princess Beatrice—“He is a plumber.” Queen Vic. —“Ask him in.” HER PECULIAR PAPA. “Do yon know, Miss Smitliers,’’ re marked young Featherly, “that there i? something very peculiar about yom father ?” “Something very peculiar about my papa?” repeated Miss Sniithers, who loved Featherly passionately, but purely. “Yes,” the young man went on, “very peculiar. ” “And what is it, pray ?’’ “It lies iu the tuet that although he i not a grandfather, he has a gran.l daughter.” — Drake's Traveler’s Ma go tine' A SMART DOG. “Speaking of animal Hagaoity,” re marked Jones, “I have a dog that takes the cake.” “In what way?” asked Smith, lan guidly. “Well, you seo,” was the reply, “I aau’t bear organ-grinders and got in the habit of setting the dog on them.” “A good idea.” ‘ ‘Yes, but it seems that the dog got a notion it tho was not organ-grinder, but the monkey I objected to.” “Not at all strange.” “Well, the other day a regular young dude called to seo my daughter, and would yon believe it that dog actually knew the difference and never touoked him.”