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NOTES AND COMMENTS. It is a curious fact that the largest handler of oysters in the world is lo cated at Chicago. He employs over $5,000,000 of capital and buys 6,000 bushels daily in New York and as many more in Baltimore. The English mar ket takes 10,000 bushels a week. Petbb Doskn of St. Louis, wrapped a So bill around a roll of paper and went around showing off what was taken for a thousand or so. Next thing he knew he had- a cracked skull, and two policeman were taking him to the hospital. He says he will never try to put on airs again. A novel mode of aging whisky and other liquors is to place a Maxim or Edison light inside of the barrel. Ex - posure of the liquid to the electric light for a hundred hours, it is said, changes - the flavor and converts a new liquor into one that resembles a ten-year-old brand. As one travels upon the Continent, says an American who was for some years abroad, he will learn that from every port the best articles are dis patched to England and the worst to the United States, but zimericans are invariably expected to pay the best prices. ■ Massachusetts has a rival in the number cf marriageable women. Para guay, in South America, has only 30,000 men to marry 270,000 women, a veritable woman’s kingdom. The men sit at home drinking and smoking, and the women are the farmers, producers and workers. Tn® New York Press Clnb elected Amos J. Cummings of the Sun Presl dent. Mr. Cummings is a working journalist and goes to the front as naturally as if he belonged there with out any election at all. He is a typo who sets type for fun occasionally, and not because he has to. An indignant New Yorker reveals the fact that in that city goats repose on the front steps of brown-stone mansions and eoasionally enter the parlors and browse on the wall-paper and pictures. As a consequence, tierce war is raging be tween the brown-stone aristocracy and the predatory animals. Several papers in Oregon take wheat in payment for subscriptions for adver tisements, and their prospectus reads •lout like this: “The Star of Empire ,will be sent to any address for five bush els of No. 1 winter wheat We have no JJse for any other kind. Beading notices inserted at the rate of two bushels per inch. Come on, noble farmers; our bin is nearly empty.” Edmund Yates say'? tn the London World: “An officer of '4e Fourth Hus sars tells me they have got over forty gentlemen serving as troopers, and I hear that the Buffs, or what used to be the Buffs, has also got a large number of gentlemen privates. This looks as if the service was improving, and seems to throw new light upon the question of what is to become of our eons. ’’ , A Member of the British Parliament Slk r.ed an agency which does such t^.: 6 s to furnish him with clippings of <1 the derogatory things which the • u- ’’’ers should say about him for a ’’he return was enormous, and cost v.. 'ember thirty pounds. For the following month he bespoke clip pings of all that was printed in his favor, and bill amounted only to seven shillings and sixpence. BUYING BY THE SM ALL MEASURE. The Profit on n Barre! <>i l*o?ntoe* When They are Prddicd Out. Good potatoes can 1 e bought at the market for SI.BO a barrel. They are not the highly cultured vegetable—the Early It >-.e or such varieties—but they are big wholesome potatoes that contain hi'! i - much nutriment as the more ex pt ire kinds. The price charged at the comer grocery for a small measure of oMi.'iary potatoes is 10 cents. As not few of the measures are arranged with false bottoms, there are sometimes live of them to the peck. But allowing that the men are honest enough to give fair measure, the cost cf a j>eck is forty cents, or $1.6) a bushel, and $6.40 a barrel. This method of selling potatoes enables the grocer to obtain a profit of 225 per cent, on a sinele barrel of pota toes. The profit when the question of credit arises, is considerably larger.* Then the customer is required to pay 15 cents a small measure; 60 cents a peck; $2.4 . a bushel and $9.60 a barrel, or a modest gain to the dealer of 500 per cent. • Comer grocerymen say that they would rather sell a barrel of potatoes than a ton of coal, ndtwithstanding the fact that they make 150 per cent, on the latter commodity. When false measurements are reckoned, the enor mous profit on a single barrel of pota toes will become nearly double. The grocer in these stores does not deliver articles that are purchased. The cost of help is reduced to the minimum, and almost the only things that eat into a corner-groceryman’s profits are the ex penses of supporting his own family. Although it is a criminal offense to de fraud persons by means of weights and measures of false quantities, the in spectors usually either wink at the vio v lations of the law or are satisfied with a kittle present now and then.— N. Y. Ad- Fveriiser. Industrial Schools. Technical and industrial schools are 1 increasing in number throughout the country. There are now fifty-two schools in New York city in which girls are taught sewing, cooking and housework, and the boys are taught the principles of agriculture and plain trades. A gener- | al bureau has been organized to direct . and assist this department of education. • The association is not charitable; it teaches boys and girls and women to help themselves, and some of its classes are intended for the mistresses of house holds. It hopes to introduce industrial education into the reformatory inatitu- ' . tions of New York State. j @lje (!? njette. VOL. XII. SUMMERVILLE, GEORGIA. WEDNESDAY EVENING. JANUARY 20, 1885. NO. 1. PERENNIAL HOURS. We may not force the law of fate, Or hasten one perennial hour That manifeeta or soon or late Thy ceaseless and omniscient power. If Thou hast led us by away We never sought, and which, when found, Encircled our meridian day With blackness as of parched ground. We look to Thee for wisdom still Through all the subtle ways of time; We Inng to know Thy perfect will, And consecrate our wills to Thine. Thy days of darkness turn to light, And out ofall the stormiest hours Os love and passion, in their flight, Thou weavest fadeless wreaths of flowers. Nay, from the grave of love there springs New music of a siren’s song, And unseen harps of countless strings Repeat the echoes quiet and long. William Henry Thorne. TWOOTISTMASEVES. The first one was marked by the wed ding of Hosmer Allen and pretty, win some Edna Grey. It was a most brill iant wedding, and attended by all Mrs. John Mnrchmont’s circle of friends. The bride was daintily lovely in her rich, white lace dress, her pearls and orange blossoms, that suited well her tiny figure and pure blonde face. The bridegroom, a pale, handsome man, many years older than the bride, was grave, glancing often anxiously toward the stately hostess, as if he feared some interruption of the festivities. But there was none. The splendid supper was discussed, the light feet moved to the music of a band, the con gratulations were heartily uttered, and no one suspected that the hostess had a care, when Hosmer Allen and his fair bride finally departed to take a midnight train for New York, to connect with the next day’s European steamer. Every guest had departed except two, when Mrs. Marchmont, pale and weary, turned from the last farewells to re-enter the still brilliant ly lighted parlors. The two who waited still were her lawyer and her dead husband’s cousin, Bonald Marchmont. The latter gentleman she greeted at once with stately courtesy. “I thank you for granting my re quest,” she said. “You have given me one pain less in leaving the only home I have known for thirty years. Mr. Allen, who knows all, lias promised to keep all painful revelations from Edna until she returns home. ” The old lawyer, looking keenly at the quietly dignified woman who thus spoke, said respictfully: “Mrs. Marchmont, my sister wishes me to invite you to be our guest for as long as you may find our quiet home a pleasant one. The same feeble health that prevented her presence here to night, prevents her from giving the in vitation in person; but I hope you will accept her hospitality.” “You are very kind but Igo to Barton tomorrow. I have secured the position of assistant teacher there, in the Barton Seminary, and my duties commence af ter New Year’s Day. But I have prom ised to go to the seminary to-morrOw.” Then Mr. Marchmont spoke in a grave voice: “I hope you. will take with you, Mrs. Marchmont, not only all of your person al possessions, but any article in the house to which you attach an especial value, either from association or other cause. ” “You are very kind I” she answered, and after a few words more the gentle men took their leave. Already the ser vants had closed in the haudsoma house and retired, and alone Mrs. Marchmont went from room to room, taking leave ol her old life. Thirty years ago her husband had in herited the house from his deceased uncle, and had brought his bride there. The large income inherited at the same time he had left at his death to his widow For thirty years all this fair home, thia large income had been under Mrs. Mirchmont’s absolute control. Having a generous heart, she had saved nothing, never deeming the income could fail her. She had adopted Elna Grey, the child of an old schoolmate; had given her every advantage her own child could have claimed with warmest love. She had been very happy when Edna gave her whole heart to a man as noble and ttue as she kuew Hosmer Allen to be, and had provider! bountifully for a grand wedding. The trosseau was all a gen erous, wealthy aunt could provide, and it was understood that E Ina would in herit the Marchmont estate. But just three days before the Christ mas Eve set for the wedding day Bonald Marchmont came to L with a newly- found will of the uncle who had en riched his cousin. Bonald Marchmont had deeply offended this relative t efore bis death, and exp?cted nothing better than to be disinherited. But after be ing securely h <ll >: for thirty years a ! la'rr will tin the one >li'inheriting aim bad been found, giving him all the estate. He came to L , told his tidings to Mr.- Allison, Mrs. Marchmont’s lawyer, and proved his identity and claim to the property. And Mrs. Marchmont, hid ing her own pain, only pleaded for a little delay until Edna should be far away from the knowledge of the cruel news. She told Hosmer Allen all, but his love was not founded upon the rumored inheritance of his promised bride, and he willingly consented to keep the nows from her. So, with her usual serene face, Mrs. Marchmont had concluded her prepar ations for the wedding, while she, at the same time, applied herself to the novel task of seeking employment. It seemed to her a special Providence that the vacancy at Barton Seminary was adver tised at that time, and she was pro foundly grateful when she was accepted to fill the position of assistant teacher. In the early morning, with only her Nothing and personal effects packed in two large trunks, Mrs. Marchmont left her old home and turned her face to Barton, a village some twenty miles from L . A year later, about a week before Christmas a close hack drove rapidly from the railway station at L , and stopped before the house, which Mrs. Marchmont had left on the dreary De cember day, when she entered upon her new life. A little figure, clad in deepest mourning, sprang from the hack, and mounting the steps, rang the bell. Again and again the resounding peal echoed through the great house, but there was no answer. At last a window in the next house was raised, and a voice said: “There is no one in that house. It is for sale.” “Where is Mrs. Marchmont?” asked the lady in mourning. “I cannot tell yon. But Mr. Allison is agent for the sale of the house.” In a moment the little black-robed figures was back at the hack door. “Do you know whore Mr. Allison lives on Elm street?” she asked the driver. “Yes’m. ” “Drive there as quickly as you can. It is not yet nine o’clock; he may see me.” “Yes’m.” It required an extraordinary event to upset Mr. Allison's perfect repose of manner, but it certainly was upset about fifteen minutes later, when a little fig ure in close widow’s weeds entered the library where he was reading, crying : “Oh, Mr. Allison, is my Aunt Lizzie dead ?” Down went the lawyer’s ponderous book upon the floor as he started erect. “Edna Allen !” he cried, “where did you come from, and in that dress ?” “Did you not get my letters ? Did you not know that my dear husband was dead ? And now—the house is all shut up—Aunt Lizzie I” “There, there, don’t cry so! Your aunt is alive and well. Let mo bring your trunks in and I will tell you all about it.” So Baying, the old lawyer rang the bell, sent a servant out for the traveler's baggage, summoned bis sister and then told Edna all about it. The long-guard ed secret could be kept no longer. * » * * ♦ ♦ » In the Barton Seminary, an elderly, white-haired lady, with a sweet, sad face, the morning before Christmas day, opened a letter and read it over with an anxious face. It was from her lawyer, Mr. Allison, and it begged of her, for reasons of the deepest importance, to meet him in her old home on the even ing of the day then passing. But the sentence that caused the deepest pain to the loving heart was the postscript of the letter: “I have just heard of Hosmer Alien’s death in Pans, last mouth.” "Hosmer Allen dead ! Where is my poor Edna? A widow at nineteen I Poor little one I” More to hear the tidings of her adopted child than from any other reason, Mrs. Marchmont resolved to obey the lawyer's summons. The train from Barton that reached L at six o’clock, carried her upon her journey, and it was but a short drive to her old home. She was surprised, having heard it was for sale, to find it brilliantly lighted in every room, and to see her old foot man opening the door. She hurried to the parlor, warmed, lighted, but empty. There she saw a large, legal envelope upon the centre table. It was directed to herself, and she opened it hastily. A large folded paper fell out and a tiny note. She opened the first and found a deed conveying to her the house in which she stood, and thirty thousand dollars deposited in her name in the L Bank. Utterly bewildered, she sank into a chair, and for the first time spied the tiny note. It was directed in a familiar hand, and she opened it, already guess ing its contents. And inside, in Edna’s hand, she read: “Dear, dear Aunt Lizzie: Will you accept the accompanying Christmas gift from “Your loving child, Edna?” “Edna ! Is Edna here ?” she cried. And in answer, the little figure of her adopted daughter came quickly down the wide staircase. “I thought you would never call me she cried, as she sprang into the loving arms opened to her. “Edna I my little one !” “I may come home, may I not?” the young widow asked, lifting her sweet face, that looked so sad in its youth and suggestive dress. For answer there were only mute but , tender caresses. “But I do not understand,” Mrs. Marchmont said at last, “my poor head is quite bewildered 1” “I will explain it all, then, Aimtie. When Hosmer was in Paris he was taken suddenly ill, and although we had the best advice, he died in less than a week after he was first taken. Before we left here he signed a will left with Mr. Alli son, giving me his entire property in case of his death. And it is a weary burden to think of, Aunt Lizzie. I want him so much, so much 1” She sobbed bitterly as she spoke, and it was several minutes before she con tinued: “Mrs. Carleton was in Paris, and c lin ing home by the next steamer, and I was only too glad when she begged of me to come home with her. I wrote to you and to Mr Allison, but th® letters were on the same steamer, I think, for they came here after I did. When I con’d not find you, I went to Mr. Alli son, afld he was so kind, so good to me, Aunt Lizzie. His sister made me a wel come guest, and when I was rested he helped me to prepare this Christmas surprise for you. 1 have lieen here all day, making the house look just as it used to look, and wc will try and be happy together here, will wo not, as if the past year’s sorrows were only heart sorrows, not money troubles ?” “Dear child,” was the gentle answer, “I accept your generous gift in the same loving sp : rit that makes you offer it, and if my love can comfort yon in your great sorrow, you must know it is all in my heart for you, as it has been since you were a child.” “And now come to dinner. Mr. and Miss Allison are your guests, and are waiting for us in the dining-room. I saw lots of your prettiest dresses hanging in the wardrobe in your old room, so you can moke your toilette while I go and entertain the company till you come. I found Margaret, Aunt Lizzie, and she was delighted to come back, so you may be sure all your favorite dishes will be on the table.” It was a quietly happy party which met at that dinner to celebrate the second of the Two Christmas Eves. A MONKEY FOND OF BIDING. A Run to lloundM which Cured Him or Hterdiliy EquvNtrlunlMin. Not long ago a gentleman who rather prided himself on a very tine stud of hunters, found that the horses did not appear properly refreshed by their nightly rest. One of the grooms, on being desired to keep a strict watch, discovered that a tame monkey belong ing to the house, was accustomed to ride on the horses’ backs almost all night, preventing them from taking sufficient rest. His master, on discovering his pen chant for riding, and being averse to killing the monkey on account of his horsemanship, succeeded in curing him effectually of his love for horses. The next time that the hounds met, be had the monkey put into a full hunting suit, and secured by a strap to the saddle of his most spirited hunter, and took him away to the meet. When the fox was found the horse pricked up his ears at the well-known sound, and started off at once. The chase happened to be a par ticularly long and severe one, the mon key, of course, from his light weight, being far ahead of the legitimate hunts men. A countryman who was coming from the direction the fox had taken, was in terrogated by some of the sportsmen who had been thrown out as to the position of the hiin(, and told them that the fox was looking tired*, but that none of the huntsmen were near except a little gen tleman in a yellow jacket, who took leaps beautifully. Sure enough, Master Jocko was in at the death, but did not by any means appreciate the honor. After the fox had been killed, there was a long ride home again, by the end of which time the monkey seemed thor oughly wearied out. After this experi ence he was never known to mount i horse again. —— - —■ Greater than Waterloo. General Freston, of Kentucky, speak ing of the late war, said: “There were three battles of the war, all of them greater than the battle of Waterloo, Shiloh, Stone River, and Chickamauga. Each of them was most stubbornly con tested, and the losses on each side con siderably greater than at Waterloo. Shiloh I regard in many respects the greatest battle of the world. It was practically the crowning glory of Ameri. can valor. Here were two great armies of|raw troop - who met in the shock of bat tle and never flinched. It was the most stubbornly contested battle of modern times. Once when Sir Garnet Wolseley, the present commander of the English army, asked me at a dinner party at Montreal if the South could not have field out longer, I replied : ‘As a mere matter of physical endurance, yes; but do you know, sir, that in the four years of war through which we passed, the South alone, with its few millions of ■ people, lost more men in battle than ' England did in all its wars from William ‘ the Conqueror to Qu. eu Victoria.’ I spoke with some feehn ; and it ended in a discussion as to the reason why the ! South did not continue to fight,” ARE CANNED GOODS POISONOUS? The Doctors by no Moans Satlsfled That buch 1m the Case* A paper read before the Medico-Legal Society, of New York city, some weeks ago by Dr, Johnson of Brooklyn, upon “Poisoning by Canned Goods” attracted the attention of Dr. Thomas Stevenson, of London, Government Analyst, and he wrote a short monograph on the same subject and sent it to the society. It was read at a meeting of the society by Dr. J, A. Irwin. Dr. Stevenson says that no positive case of acute metal poisoning by canned goods is known in London. It is reasonably certain that where persons have been poisoned by eating canned meats, the meat itself was tainted before canned. In February last, the doctor continues, there were in Glasgow several cases of poisoning from tinned provisions. The symptoms were those of gastro-enetritis. An analysis showed salts of tin present, but it could not be proved that the ill ness was due to the tin. That canned goods usually contained traces of tin has been shown by several British chemists, and it is a well established fact. That such provisions do not usually produce any serious results is a matter of com mon experience. “I am not prepared to say,” remarked Dr. Stevenson in closing, “that tin com pounds are inert, but evidence is want ing to show that the daily injections of fractions of a grain of tin compounds is manifestly injurious to health.” Dr. Irwin followed with a short paper of his own on the same subject. It ap peared to him, he said, that before the question of the danger to health from using canned goods could be determined it was necessary to settle two questions: First—Are the canned goods now in the market contaminated at all by tin ? If so, is the contamination of a nature likely to endanger the public health ? The first question must be settled by the analytical chemist. Dr. Stevenson’s paper showed that, while foods in tin usually take up salts of tin, they are not usually injurious. An eminent au thority has said the public had not the faintest cause for alarm on the subject. Certain suits of tin are never used ex cept for artistic and commercial pur poses. Chloride of zinc is a highly poi sonous substance, and never given inter nally. Salts of fir a-e unquestionably corrosive irritant poisons. Yet not a case of fatal poisoning from meats in which they had been detected had been recorded. Dr. Irwin agreed with Dr. Stevenson that meat of an inferior quality or taint ed is often canned. As to the length of time which provisions can be kept in tin there was no exact knowledge. He had eaten canned fruits in Patagonia which had crossed the equator twice and which had certainly been in cans for a year. Personally ho had never suffered from such food. He believed, however, that food long canned becomes detri mental, and could see no objection to a law compelling manufacturers to stamp cans with the date of sealing. The Responsibility He Incurred. “I—l wanted to ask your opinion bout a little matter, and also secure » our advice,” he said, as he cornered a member of the City Council on one of the City Hall porches yesterday. “Well, sir, what can I do for you?” “Is it your opinion that we shall have m open winter?” “Why, sir, I—l can’t really say. Ido not pretend to be a weather prophet.” “Sorry—very sorry, continued the other; “I have got to go to Chicago on ;oot. If you could guarantee me fine weather I wouldn’t need to ask you to lend me more than half a dollar. As you can’t do that, and as I am liable to be snowed in somewhere for a week, I shall be compelled to request the loan o' at least eighty cents. Do you advise me to lay in a stock of crackers and cheese at this point, or would you buy as you went along and from day to day ?’’ The aiderman sought to crawl out of any responsibility in the matter, but the man hung to him until he got thirty cents as a compromise. The man who won't predict an open winter ought to be bled.— Detroit Free Press. — He was Nearly Drowned. During his boyhood days Governor Bichard J. Oglesby, of Illinois, came very near being drowned. In company with friends some days ago he told his experience in the water. He said: “When I was a boy I was bathing with some friends and got beyond my depth and was unable to swim. I had heard that when a person in the water goes down a third time he drowns. I counted distinctly the number of times I sank, and when I started down a third time I said to myself, ‘Here goes the third and last time; now lam dead.’ Every event of mv life passed before me with vivid distinctness, but without creating any peculiar feeling. 1 saw them go by as if they were a swift moving panorama. I was dead. I kuew that I was dead, and a sweeter death one cannot die. My consciousness suddenly departed, and I died without a struggle or pain.” He was rescued immediately after touching bottom the third lime, and after work ing with him for nearly an hour life was restored. HORRORS OF WITCHCRAFT. An Interesting Paper Before the New* England Society of Brooklyn. Witchcraft was made unusually in* foresting to a large audience of ladies and gentlemen by the Rev. John W. Chadwick, in Brooklyn, where the New- England Society, of that city, held its fifth public meeting. Among the many causes which led to the Salem witchcraft, in 1692, the Bev. Mr. Chadwick mentioned the supersti tion of the times, the doctrines taught, the lonely situation of the place, with its gloomy, unexplored surroundings, the animosities which arose from con flicting claims, parish bickerings, op pressive taxes, and innumerable quar. rels which died out and were brought to life again by witchcraft. He traced its beginning from a separation from the mother church, which was per mitted for convenience sake, and the dissensions that arose until the Bev. Samuel Paris brought to a critical point the bitterness which had been growing during the terms of his three predeces sors in the new church. The two Indian servants of this minister were the teachers of the “ten afflicted children,” of whom only three were children, who met at his house at first to have a good time in testing necromantic arts, which in time worked on their imaginations until they would utter incoherent sounds and fall upon the ground writhing in agonies. Then the doctors gravely pro nounced them bewitched, as they now attribute to malaria diseases they cannot understand. These children were ex hibited free of charge; they walked through the village or burst out in church with some remarkable cry. And finally, when asked who were influencing them, they pointed out the supposed witches, like Sarah Good and Sarah Osborne. The accused grew in number. Paris was zealous in his denunciation of witchcraft, his enemies became the en emies of the “afflicted children,” and family quarrels all produced their vic tims. The Boston Judges arrived and were convinced, the belief spread and was accepted everywhere, and execu tions followed each other until the death of a woman like Rebecca Nurse and of a man with the excellent character of Giles Corey, and the courage of a few men from Andover checked the horrible wave until May, 1693, when 150 persons accused of witchcraft were discharged. Treating the subject generally, the speaker said that the belief in witch craft was one of the most universal traits of the human mind. It was prevalent among the Greeks, Romans, Jews and early Christians. In Germany during the fifteenth and sixteenth centuries 100,000 persons were executed in 100 years for witchcraft. At Toulouse, in France, 400 died at a single execution, in Geneva 500 in three months, and one Judge boasted that he had condemned 800 persons for the same cause. Luther condemned witches, and so did John Wesley among the Methodists in the eighteenth century. Every witch ex ecuted at Salem was executed undei a law of J ames I. Supported by populai opinion, by the traditions of the past, and openly by men like Cotton Mather, and men with the truthfulness of dispo sition, the vigor of intellect, and the penetrating judgment of Mathew Hale, it was a wonder, the speaker thought, that Salem witchcraft did so little harm. “Viewed in this light,” he concluded, “there is nothing in all this to make us think less reverently of the Puritan fathers.’ t - *» —— . Who Will Pay the Wager? THE WINNER OF IT SEEMS TO BE ABOUT S6OO OUT OF POCKET. Mr. Reynolds, Republican, and J. Frank Wright, Democrat, both well known citizens of Mount Vernon, West chester County, N. Y., some time before election made a wager of S6OO each that their respective Presidential candidates would carry the State of New York. The money was put in the hands of Joseph Roe, who, not caring to carry $1,20C about in his trowsers pocket, deposited it in Masterton’s banking house at Mount Vernon, which is now badly insolvent. Mr. Roe took the certified check of the bank as security for his deposit. After election day Mr. Wright, the Democrat, regarded himself as S6OO in pocket. But the bank burst, and Mr. Wright now regards himself as §6OO out of pocket. Mr. Reynolds feels about the same way. The certified check for $1,200 which Mr. Roe holds js said not to be worth the paper it is written on. A funny feature of the affair is that two votes were lost. Mr. Reynolds did not put in an appearance at the polls, and Mr. Wright was challenged and did not vote. A Mount Vernon lawyer says that Mr. Roe is plainly responsible foi the loss of $1,200, and it could be recov ered from him by law. Morin, the Detective. —A dispatch from Paris says that M. Morin, who was shot by Mme. Clovis Hugues, suffers the most acute agony. Hie brain is on fire, afld he utters piercing shrieks all night long. He drinks milk, cognac and rum with great avidity. His left hand is tied to his side to prevent him from tearing the bandages from his head. His right arm is paralyzed. A. BATCH OF STRAY WAIFS • WHAT WE FIND TO SMILE OVER IN TflE HUMOROUS COLUMNS. The Chinese Muet <.’o—A Want of .Settlers— A Patron cf I!ittbnndry—Simply a Fabio —A Paiuf nl Sin prise* Elc. A TATRON CF IIISDANERY. “President Cleveland will be very popular with the patrons of husbandry,” Said Gilhooly to Mrs. Col. Yerger, on the occasion of a social gathering at the palatial residence of the latter. “You refer to the granger element, I suppose,” said Mrs. Yerger, who is well up in politics. “Oh, no; by patrons of husbandry I refer to the mother with marriageable daughters.” N. B. Mrs. Yerger has several mar riageable daughters, and the whole family is going to Washington nexi spring to be present at the inaugural ba’l.—Texas Siftings. HE FOLLOWED INSTRUCTIONS. “When you go to bed you should al ways hang up your watch, It is bettei for it,” remarked Wilson to his son re cently. The next night he asked the young man what time it was. “I don’t know,” replied the youth. “Where is your watch?” “I hung it up, sir.”— Graphic. K CORDIAL INVITATION. A slim youth, accompanied by a pug dog and chain attachment, met a young lady on Fifth avenue whom he knew. He walked by her side until her resi dence was gained, when she invited him in. “Aw —thawnks; awfully much pleased, I’m suah,” he said; “but—er—the dog, y’know ” “Ob, the dog won’t make the slight est difference. Dear little fellow ! Mam ma will be glad to see you both. ” PAINFUL SURPRISE. “My dear,” he said as he entered the house, “who is that gentleman across the street ?” “I am not sure, but I think he is an old beau of mine.” “How long has he been waving his handkerchief ?” “Oh, more than half an hour.” “Is he trying to flirt with you ?” “That’s just what annoys me. He may mean it for me, or for the lady in the bay window above. If it’s for me I ought to know it, and if it’s for her I’ll never speak to the shame-faced thing again as long as I live ! Oh i George ! you don’t know how vexatious and un certain it is to have roomers above you ! I wish we had a little cottage of our own.”— Detroit Free Press. BY A COACHMAN. To speak the words her tongue did falter, But nil her tears and prayer < were idle; Her father forced her to the altar, For he’d determined on the bridle. She did not wish to stirrup strife, And so her feelings she did smother; But saddle bo her married life— She wedded one but loved another. —JlusUm Courier. OUT OF OIL. “And so you are comfortably fixed now,” pleasantly remarked one lady to another. “Oh, yes; we own our home, and are getting along very well,” replied the other. “How did your husband make hfr money ?” was asked. “Out of oil,” the reply. “Oh, boring for it ?” “No, ma’am.” “Buying oil land?” “No, ma’am.” “Speculating ?” “Oh, no.” “How did he make his money out of it, then?” “By keeping out of it.”— Rochester Post. NOT WHAT HE WANTED. “I don’t ’zao’ly underetan’ this ’erl Spanish treaty. What does it do?” “Why, it gives us cheaper sugar.” “What do wo want o’ cheaper sugar J The s’ioons alius throws in the sugar.’’ -Chicago News. SETTLERS WANTED. A man who had a bad habit of letting his accounts with the butcher, grocer, etc.. run on forever, was seen the othei day by one of his creditors, packing t box home. “Hello,” he said, “what are you going to do with that ?” ‘ Going to put my goods and chattels In it.” “What for?” “I’m going to move out West?” “What’s that for?” “Oh, I’m going out there to Bettie: there’s nothin’ here for me.” “Going West to settle, are you?” “That’s the racket.” “Well, you’d better settle here first. There’s nothing out there for us, and we want settlers in this neighborhood, about as much as any place you evei saw.”— Merchant Traveler MUST GO. He (solemnly) —“You had a very nar row escape last night, Miss Julia.” She— “Mercy, what do you mean ?” He—“ Well you see, I had a dream about you. I thought I was just about to kiss you when the Chinaman rapped at the door and I woke up.” She (after a pause)—“The Chinese must go. ” [Only the intimate friends of the fam ’ies invited.]—Van Francisco Post. Prentice told a friend that his famous poem“lne Closing Year” was written un the following circumstances:—J dashed it off one New Year’s night jast as the dawn began to pi ep into the windows of my dirty editorial room. My paper had just gone to press when a crowd of newsboys came into the < ffica and asked me to write them something for a car rier’s address. It was the morning of New Year’s, and they had gotten noth .ng as yet, and were desperate. I told , lt!l them I would do the best, I could foi' iK ' hem, and scratched off that poem.