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THE STORY OF A SOLDIER HOW HE WAS TREATED WHILE NERVING HIS COUNTRY. Taken Prisoner, he Makes a List of Pris oners and is Punished tor it. A correspondent in the Graphic, de scribing the services of Clara Barton, alludes to her work in numbering the graves of the Union dead at Anderson ville, and also to a young soldier who assisted. Our correspondent does not recall the name and speaks of him as a Connecticut soldier. An interesting story is connected with this mention. The young man was a Vermonter, by name Dorrance Atwater, now United States Consul at Tahiti. Mr. Atwater was a drug clerk when he entered the Union Army. He was captured at Win chester, Va., in 1863, and sent to Ander sonville. There he was placed in the drug room of the hospital. On the day of his capture he had received news of his father’s death. Feeling keenly in this sorrow the anxiety of his mother, who might not know of her son’s fate, he was led to conceive the idea of pre serving in some way a copy of the death roll, to the making of which he was de tailed. At daily risk of h>s life he made this copy, concealing the coarse brown sheets whereon it was written about his person. Thirteen thou-and names, with regiments, etc., were thus obtained. Atwater desired to publish them so that the families might at least know of their members’ fate. When exchanged he was also mustered out. Arrived in Washington, he desired the government to have all the benefit of his work, but he also wished to publish it He was induced to re-enlist in the general ser vice, as a clerk, with the understanding, as he believed, that when copies were made his originals should be returned. His work was of great pecuniary*value, as it pei fected records and enabled the government to properly settle claims, etc. Mr. Atwater found that the official mind (and that being military also, it was more than commonly overbearing and arrogant) lepudiated the agreement and declared that the proposed publica tion would be injurious. The government copy was made. Miss Barton, who had, in the Sanitary Commission Service, or ganized a bureau for tracing missing soldiers, was requested by Mr. Stanton to go to Andersonville with a quarter master and escort and assist in marking the graves of the dead. Mr. Atwater was also sent, having charge of his orig inal rolls. The work was done. Mr. Atwater believed these rolls wore his property, and in some way conveyed them to the New York Tribune office for publication. On his return to Wash ington he was arrested at the instigation of an officer named Breck, tried by court-martial, and sentenced as a thief to one year’s imprisonment at hard, labor in the Albany Penitentiary. Great indignities were heaped upon him. Wirz's trial was in progress and Atwater was mobbed on the streets while passing under guard, the returned soldiers being told that he was trying to save the An dei-oaville keeper. He went to prison and served six months of his sentence, while Miss Barton kept up a constant struggle in his behalf. She got a reso lution of investigation before Congress, and then the Judge Advocate-General reviewed the sentence, declaring it to Ire -illegal, as the larcenous motive was wanting, the young man having fully believed that the rolls were bis own property. In the meanwhile the Trib ■ur. h: ’ published them. Mr. Atwater wei at once released, and soon after ap p -luted United States Consul at Zanzi bar, Africa. He has been m the Con sular service ever since. . I■. . ♦ ■ Fiendish Bobbers. BURNING A MAN WITH A BED HOT POKER TO MAKE HIM SAY WHEBB HIS MONEY WAS. A bold robbery was committed near Wheeling, W. Va., by the gang of mask ed men who are at work in that section .of tfie country. Their victim was Elijah Marlin, a rich farmer, who lives about four miles east of the city. The robbers burst the front door in and seized and bound the old man. They attempted by threats to make him divulge where bis money was hid. F*fling in this, they heated the poker red hot, and, after stripping their victim, proceeded to burn him all over the back and chest. The old man was tied to a bedpost, stripped and the red hot poker applied to his back and burned him in no less than twenty places. Hot oil was also poured down his back, and his suf ferings were terrible in the extreme. He evidently had no money concealed or this would have brought it. In their anger at failure the burglars dealt him a heavy blow on the head and left him hanging insensible in his fastehings until noon. He was found nearly frozen and half dead, and his condition is danger ous as he is nearly sixty years of age. The old man is a miser, and lives alone on one of the largest and finest farms in Ohio county. The entire community is greatly exercised over the affair, and large rewards will be offered for the arrest of these bold fiends. Laborers’ Wages on the Isthmus. It has been stated by those favoring the Nicaragua canal that white laborers from the Northern States can be hired to work on the canal for 81 per day. The current rate of wages paid to ordi nary unskilled negroes on the Panama Canal ranges from $2 50 to 83 per day, and the Panama Canal Company pays their passages from Jamaica or other We.= t India Islands, and a bounty of $5 per head in addition. This being the case the rate per day at Nicaragua could scarcely be counted at 81 per day. A Butter. — The plea of a Nashville negro, convicted of butting an enemy almost fatally, was that in infancy he had been fed on milk from a notoriously belligerent goat The Judge said he could not regard that fact as an extenua tion. % (j&ajette. VOL. XII. SUMMERVILLE. GEORGIA, WEDNESDAY EVENING. FEBRUARY 4, 1885. NO. 3. JL4 YTIME IN MID- WINTEIc. The world, what is it to you, dear And me, if its face be gray, And the new-born year be a shrewd year For flowers that the fierce winds fray ? Yoh smil•, and the sky t-eems blue, dear, You laugh, and the month turns May. Your hands through the book shelves flutter; Scott, Shakespeare, Dickens are caught; Blake’s vis ons, that lighten and mutter; Moliere— and his smile has naught Left on it of sorrow, to utter The secret things of bis thought No grim thing writt n or graven, But grows, if yon gaz *. on it, bright; A lark’s note rings from the raven, And tragedy’s robe turns white; And shipwrecks diift int > heaven; And daikncss laughs, and is light Grief seems but a vision of madness; Life’s key note peals from above With nought in it more of sadness Than broods on the heait of a dove: A* sight of you, thought grows gladness, Aud life, through love of you, love. Swinburne. THE LIGHT-HOESE KEEPER. A STORY OF THE SEA. “The fog is as thick as ever, father.” "Yes, but it won’t last, Lizzie. The glass js steadily falling, aud wo shall have pleu’y of wind ere long, most like ly from the southeast. ” “That’s a fair wind for the Gannett’ soliloquized Lizzie, half aloud, as hjr thoughts wandered of! to her sailor lover, Archie Lovell, who—after a year’s absence —was daily expected in New York. “Ab, Archie has forgotten you long ere this,” said the fond father, to tease his daughter, who only laughed and retreated into the clearer atmosphere of the single but small aud cosy upper apartment of the lofty light-house. Before following her to ascend to the lamp room to light up for the night, Richard Lee stood for a moment on the narrow iron balcony that surrounded the tower, to observe the weather. He could not see far—scarcely to the mid dle of the narrow and tapering erection. The pinnacled rock on which it was built, fully a hundred and twenty feet below, was invisible. Nor could he trace the other rocks of the ledge of which it was the termination, that stretched thence to the coast of New England, half a mile distant. The fog cloud in which they were enveloped, extended for miles either way, and far out at sea. The light house had been erected to warn vessels about to round an adjacent sharp bend of the coast, to avoid the dangerous rocks on which [disastrous wrecks were frequent. Lee had been keeper of this light-home for twenty years. He had received the appointment only on the proviso of his marriage. This accomplished, for his application for the position had been made solely to provide a homo for a wife, he settled down to the monotonous life of a night watchman. But love soft ened its sameness and tedium. For Mary was one of those genial and happy natures that look rather to the dark side of life, and shed the sunshine of their own heart on everything and everybody with whom they come in contact. Her home was small, but she made it happy. Her sphere of duty was limited, but she filled it to perfection. L” t’s choice of a wife—a selection not always or altogether a lottery, proved to be in every way wise and discriminating. It was neither ■ hastily made nor hurriedly consum mated. Their mutual happiness was increased, if that were possible, by Lizzie’s birth, two years after. And their life flowed on for eight years as uneventfully aud unvarying as the currents of the ocean on whose bosom they lived. For the success of his light-house, placed there as an experiment, had been complete. No disaster had occurred since its light bad warned the navigators away from the dangerous rocks on whieh it stood. Lee's duties were merely routine and mechanical; to keep the light clear and bright, and occasionally go for their periodic supply of provisions; but never yet the sad one of rescuing shipwrecked castaways on the iron bound coast. But, then, his hou-ehold sky became overcast. To his intense grief, Mary died suddenly of a long latent malady; leaving her husband alone with his lit tle girl. Aud it was well that he had her to soften his sorrow with her inno cent prattle and winning ways. Lizzie resembled her mother much, especially in her happy disposition; soon supplied her place in her father’s small establishment, and became as necessary a companion to him. Born and brought up in the light-house, she knew little of mankind or of the great region beyond her own little world. Ste had never landed or been out of the light-house until two years ago, when she paid a short visit to her aunt, and first met Archie Lovell, and, like him self, fell in love. Trusting, guileless, and acquainted with little else than her father’s and mother’s uprightness of character, she knew nothing of the world’s deceit and uncertainty, and be lieved as firmly in Archie’s constancy as she did in her own; so that her father’s remark created no suspicion or jealousy in her bosom. The light had long been ht; and Lizzie had retired to bed. Lee was busy about his nocturnal duties, when a fierce squall broke in on the serenity or the night and carried the fog off and away inland. The heavy gust was merely the prelude to a series of heavier winds, which at last became continuous and increased to the fury of a gale, which even shook the light-house in all its strength, and woke Lizzie, accus tomed ns she was to the roar of rough seas and fierce blasts. The fog had lifted, but the sky was overcast and the night was intensely dark. “Lizzie,” cried Lee, after a time, ‘get up, girl. There’s a brig trying to round the light-house, and I doubt if she’ll weather it. Get up and prepare for accidents.” The vessel, befogged for days, and un able to get a reckoning to ascertain her position, had been drifted out of her course and nearer to the coast than the light-house when the first squall struck her. The only chance of safety lay in weathering the rocky ledge at the end of which the light-house stood. And this they were attempting to do when Loe first noticed them. Being doubtful if the light, only made to shine seaward, would be seen by them, he removed one side of the reflector to give them the benefit of its aid, and warn them off the reef. This timely aid was soon appar ent by their altering their course. They' had not previously noticed the light house, and even if they had, before its light told them what it was, it was more hkely to prove a snare and lead them into greater danger by making them strike the middle or most dangerous part of the reef than to help them to escape into safer waters. Lizzie and her father stood watching the vessel with intense anxiety from the lofty light-house balcony, as they saw her alter her course and stand more out at sea in the attempt to weather the light-house rook. It was a case of sal vation or destruction—life or death. The ship was ably handled, and well found. Not a rope or spar gave way, as she kept bravely on in her course, almost in the teetli of the wind. But who can struggle against the in evitable ? At the most critical moment, when a brief lull in the breeze or even a a temporary steadiness would have al lowed her to weather the rock and pass tt« danger, a fierce gust laid her almost on her beam elide, so that she lost head way and would not answer her helm. Instead of gliding past the base of the light-house, she lay still for a moment, then drifted toward it, aud, carried bv a huge w ive, dashed right on the sharp est pinnacle, a helpless, unmanageable wreck, doomed to destruction. As the heavy waves struck her now fixed hull, they made short work of her aud her crew. In ten minutes she was in pieces. An iron-clad could not have withstood the irresistible force and weight of those waves; aud very soon not a vestige of her win to be seen. Lee and his daughter heard the de spairing cries of the drowning men, but were powerless to render aid. Their little boat could not have lived in such a sea, even if they could have success fully launched her. Even if Lee had descended the narrow iron ladder that led to the narrow ledge at the foot of the light-house, he could not have remained a moment; but would have been washed away like the wrecked mariners. He descended, however, as far as the tower landing and stood watching and peering through the darkness into the surging billows below. Ere long lie thought he heard a cry from the back oPthe rock and moved round to recon noitre. Sure enough, there was a man clinging to the life rope which girt the the base of the light-house. Partly by being washed and partly by swimming, he had been carried into the eddy, and fortunately c night hold of the life lino. Lee had no means of descending to help him, except by the stout iron lightning rod; down which he slid to aid the nearly exhausted seaman by lifting him up to the slippery and unsafe foot ing on which he himself stood. Together they pulled to land a hatchway to which was fastened the inanimate form of a man whom the mariner already saved had promised not to desert. Tae only way to restore him to life was to get him as speedily as possible into a warmer atmosphere. Lee’s com panion volunteered to climb for a line. He was younger and more active; aud was soon up and in the little parlor where Lizzie stood preparing a coil of rope, having already, with a woman’s forethought, discovered what was needed. “Lizzie—lass; don’t you know me ? Is Archie Lovell forgotten ?” eaid the i'. anger, as he advanced. “Archie—oh, Archie—is it yon ?' Oh, Heaven • and I didn’t know of your danger!” Then, woman-like, when ne hal fol led her in his arms, she began to cry for joy, knowing that he was safe and also true to his troth. “Never mind, love; it’s all over now; out I musn’t delay when there’s a gen tleman in sore need of help. Gve mt that rope, lass, and come with ma.” Fastening one end to the iron balco ny, he let the other down to where Lee was anxiously clinging in a perilous po sition, and immediately descended to help him. After unfastening the insen sible man from the hatchway, they tied him under the armpits, when Lovell re ascended to help Lizzie hoist him up. Lee remained Delow to pilot him clear of the rocks aud above the wash of the waves, and then mounted to aid them. On placing him before a fire in the par lor it seemed almost more than doubtful if he could even be resusticated, so limp, cold, blue and pulseless was he. “1 declare uncle doesn’t know me any more than Lizzie did,” said Lovell, when they laid the insensible man down. “Lord bless me 1 is it Archie Lovell that we’ve saved ? And so the wrecked brig was the Gannet. How you’ve al tered, boy. ” As they chatted, they were busy chafing the apparently lifeless body; and fortunately didn’t desist; but perse vered bravely till warmth began to re turn —then the pnlse—at last faint breathing—then his eyes opened as if in a dream, and he asked where he was. He was saved, but not yet out of dan ger; for ho had beai long immersed and considerably bruised on the rocks. So they put him to Bed. With these ex ceptions every other soul in the Gannet was drowned; their bodies subsequently were recovered on the beach. The storm continued with groat fury all night. For years it bad not been equaled in vio lence. The light-honse had never been subjected to such a strain and succes sion of shocks. The anxious watchers could feel it quiver and rock under the assault of the raging elements. But it bravely withstood their fury. As day broke the wind lulled, the sea went down, and they fell and thanked God that they were safe. “Lizzie,” said Leo, as they sat at the stranger’s bedside next day, for he had quite recovered the shock, and all but the bruises, “don’t you think he resem bles your mother; only you wore too young when she died to remember.” “I had a sister,” interrupted their guest, “when I foolishly ran away from home, years ago. We lived in Portland. My name is Watson.” “Watson—Stewart Watson ?” “The same.” “Then you must bo my wife’s long absent brother. Arcbio, did you know this ?” “No; he was a passenger, whose name 1 never inquired; atjd wouldn’t have guessed the secret though I had. We conversed often enough, especially at the end of the voyage; and when the storm came on I promised to look after him, as I had taken a fancy to him aud could swim. ” Os course there was great rejoicing in the small circle at this new discovery. “How came you to return home in the Gannet ?” at length asked Lee. “Well, as I said, I ran away when young. Something had offended me, and I was independent and determined to do without home help. I reached the Brazils; wandered away into the wild interior, and finally settled far from any means by which letters could be con veyed, even if I wished to send them. At last I made, not a large fortune, but a competence, and longed to take a look at the old spot where I was born, to see if my sister survived, and if any one would recognize me. Having reached Rio Janeiro, I took passage in the brig, j And so this pretty girl is my niece ?” he jocularly added, after a time, when they had told him of his sister’s death. “I wish she had been some one else, that I might marry her myself. ” “No—thank you,” said Lizzie, look ing archly at her lover. “Ah, well,” said her uncle, seeing how matters stood, “I can give you a helping bund.” Aud he performed his promise. Not only were they his kinsfolk, but they had saved his life. Ere long Lizzie Lee became Lizzie Lovell. They had a quiet wedding. Both Lizzie and her father insisted that it should be in the light house, with which so many associations, both happy and sad, were connected. Lee wished them to live there and suc ceed him. But the newly-married pair laughed at the idea; and ultimately persuaded him to leave his charge, having no one to look after him, and reside with them. This he did, but very reluctantly, so wedded had he become to his singular abode. They settled in one of the seaports of Maine, not far from the uncle, who gave Lizzie a handsome dowry. Her hus band became a shipping agent, and is now a prosperous sliip-owner, likely to ama‘s wealth; while Lizzie herself has proved to be as worthy a wife as was her mother. The Chinese as Fishermen. Captain li. W. Tucker says in an interview: The Chinese are the greatest fishermen in the world. I have spent four years on the coast of China and have It'd special opportunities for study ing the people. If it were not for the abundance of fish along her shores, there would be a perpetual famine in China. The masses of people have only two articles of diet, fish and rice. Every Chinaman along the coast and for several miles inland is a fisher man. He understands all the secrets connected with the business, and can tell you a thousand and one things about fishes which yon never heard be fore. Much of tfie business is in the hands of large companies. The nets used by them are monsters in size. I saw one of them which required the united efforts of a hundred men to bring it ashore. WIT AND WISDOM. “Beware,” said the potter to the clay, aud it became ware. The future destiny of the child is al ways the work of the mother. The only answer to all criticism, the best test of all work, is—result He who can suppress a moment’s an ger may prevent a day of sorrow. All cunning men are as dull on one side as they are sharp on the other. A native Mexican never catches cold, but the reason of it is he is too lazy. Pabtings and heartaches must come at some time or other, even in the happiest lives. The power to do great things gen erally arises from the willingness to do small things. A man too busy to take care of his health is like a mechanic too busy to take care of his tools. People care a great deal more for keeping up appearances than for keep ing up realities. Bores are people who are always speaking of themselves when we want to speak of ourselves. When alone we have our thoughts to watch, in our families our tempers, in society our tongues. White injuries in dust, but kindness in marble. Envy is a turnkey by birth, and an executioner by profession. Gentleman (entering rail car)“ls this seat engaged?” Self-conscious young lady—“ Yes, sir, that’s engaged, too.” A boy says, in his composition, that “onions are the vegetable that makes you sick when you don’t eat them your self.” A lady correspondent writes to us for a receipt for a mince pie. This we will most willingly furnish when we re ceive the pie. It is said that when a man is full his pocket is usually empty, and when he is tight his tongue is loose. This is para doxical but true. “Charge 1 Chester I charge!” “Was Chester a plumber, that the poet should tell him to charge twice in one line?” asked a subscriber. “Do you know anything about the so lar system?” “Well, I should smile. That’s a queer question to ask a father who has five daughters to shoe I” Inquirer asks: “Why is it that so many dogs have fleas ?” To be perfect ly honest we think it is because there are so many fleas. This, however, is merely conjecture. A patent medicine advertisement speaks of “the liver failing to act.” We suspect tho manager cut down his salary. When the liver refuses to act, the drama of life can’t go on very suc cessfully. An Idaho editor, having received 600 pounds of potatoes on subscriptions, asks his friends to call around with salt and pepper and board With him. Thue the generous heart of the good man gets away with him. Fat man (who is something in a hurry) “I'll give you $5 to get me to the station in three minutes.” Cabman (with provoking slowness) —“Well, sorr, you might corrupt me, but you can’t bribe that horse.” Misb Rosewood, who took part in am ateur theatricals: “Oh, I’m so tired; I had to stand all the evening.” Miss Sharp, who was in the audience: “My dear you did not have to stand nearly so much as we did.” A personal item inform us that “Vic tor Hugo mostly goes to bed on a crack er and a herring.” A funny notion, that. If the cracker should get mashed and scatter itself, Victor would be apt to pass a very restless night. A New Rule. Perhaps, boys, you would like to know the day of the week on which you were born, if there are a dozen or so of yon in the family, your mother can’t remem ber the day, your father don’t care, your older sister is sorry you were born at all and don’t want to know, your aunt never knew, and your grandmother is dead, and so you must rely on some rule, as follows: Set down the year of your birth less 1, divide by 4 (throwing away remainder, if any), and add to the date; also add the number of days from January Ist to the date of birth, divide by 7, and if 0 remains, Sunday is your birthday; if 1, Monday; 2, Tuesday, and so on. Example— Suppose you were born March 9, 187?, then 1 has would be— -1874 Divide by 4 4CB Add January, 31 Add February, 28 Add March 9, 9 Divide by 7)2410 344-2 remainder. This makes '1 uesday the day on which you were born. In computing don’t forget to give February 29 days, if your birthday was in leap year, and if the above rule don’t vzork we will forfeit a last year’s alma nac. Mbs. Blinker asked Matilda, the house servant, a few nights ago: “What dreadful scratching is that out in the kitchen ? It mu u t be the dog trying to get in. I never heard anything like it in my life.” “Dat’s no dog scratching door; dat’s de cook writin’ a lub letter to her honeysuckle who works ober in Guatiiam. ” FORMATION OF BATTLE. Effects of the Use of Breech-1.o«d nw Hi flea—Using the fSkirmirdi-Line. Captain Edward Field, of tho 4th Ar tillery, read a paper before the Military Service Institution, entitled “No Foot steps, but Some Glances, Backward.” It • was devoted to a consideration of changes in formation for battle which will probably be produced by the use of breech-loading rifles. Captain Field said that the only war in which wo had really an opportunity to judge of the effect of the modern breech-loading rille was the Russo-Turkish War, and then the effect of the Peabody-Martini rifle was most deadly. The feasibility of making the skirmish line tho formation to be used for a line of battle was care fully and fully considered. “The objections were said to be the difficulty of directing a large body of men deployed as skirmishers, the diffi culty of rallying them when once thrown into disorder, and the loss of that stead iness and concert of action with which men move to battle when elbow touches elbow aud the electric thrill of the con flict passes from man to man. If this style of fighting is to be employed sole ly,” said Captain Field, “war would de generate into a barbaric conflict like that carried on by the Indians of the plains, or else soldiers would refuse to move with out protection and become like those de generate Roman legions who protected themselves behind shields of wicker work. As examples of people who fight independently and those who fight in concert take the Indians and the ancient Scandinavians. There never was a more war-loving people or a people more brave | personally than the Indians, but what are their shouts of conflict and songs of war compared to the measured clash of armor aud the steady chant with which the devastation of the world moved to battle ?” In concluding this part of his paper, Captain Field recommended the em ployment of a line of men deployed as skirmishers with a guidon for every company borne in their rear, these guidons to have conspicuously displayed on them the letter of the company, to serve as rallying points in case of need. He believed that troops should be moved on to the field in double columns, and at the proper deployed into hue and precipitated through the curtain of skirmishers upon the enemy. Captain Field also believed that when large bodies of troops were brought into action armies operating on exterior lines had an advantage over those operating on interior lines. - - Precious Gems Are Cheaper. DIAMONDS FROM 30 TO 40 FEB cent, be low THE PRICES OF A FEW YEARS AGO. “Diamonds are from thirty to forty per cent, cheaper now than they were two or three years ago, “said a prominent diamond dealer. “This is mainly owing to the large discovery of diamonds. They are being unearthed nearly everywhere; not only in the far Western States and Territories, but in some of the Southern States. Agates, sapphires and garnets are found in large quantities in the fur West, and of course this cheapens the price of gems. Diamonds and other precious stones to the value of about $7,- 009,000 are yearly imported to this coun try and that does not include the large amount that are smuggled in, mainly by women. A great many women make their expenses of a trip to Europe by smuggling diamonds. Well, if they are caught, they cry. What else can a wo man do? But they will try the very same thing over again. “Another thing that cheapens dia monds, is the many excellent imitations that have recently flooded the market, it being so difficult to detect the genuine from the real article that a great many people wear *ho imitations, which, of course, lessens the sale of real diamonds. These are mainly worn by actresses and actors who understand the art of color ing and setting the imitation so. that. it would readily be mistaken for the gen uine article, No I The hotel clerk never resorts to such deception. He will wear the genuine article, if it takes a year’s salary to get the sparkling gem.” Sending Them Home. A San Francisco paper says: About the middle of last month Ah Sam, a hard-working Chinaman, took a contract from the Chinese Six Companies to dis inter and prepare for shipment to the Orient the bones of the Chinese tem porarily laid in the City Cemetery. He began work with a gang of Mongolians on the 17th of December, and up to the present time has removed over 200 bodies. Every Chinaman coming here in the service of the Six Companies re ceives a guarantee that if he should die his bones will be. Bent home for burial, aud this agreement is most scrupulously observed. Where Chinamen die with out having made any such contract with the companies their friends see to it that their remains are sent home in duo time. Ah Sam has with him in his present undertaking several women as well as men, and the bodies are plun dered of everything of value. Every Chinaman is buried with a coin of some ' kind in his month. The women who . assist Ah Sam take thia piece of money 1 as their reward. A BATCH OF GOOD THINGS FOUND FLOATING IN THE nUMOROU COLUMNS OF THE PRESS. In Ilin Own Interest—A Cbrlstinns Conte!- bnilon—A Foolish Question—Full of Ite rell-ln n Quiet VVuY-fle Would bo nu Owl, Etc., fcac. IN HIS OWN INTEREST. “If you do not at once remit the SIOO you owe our firm,” wrote a dun the other day to a delinquent doctor, “we shall be obliged to put the bill into the hands of a lawyer.” “My dear sir,” replied the doctor ur banely by the next post, “if you are happily acquainted with a lawyer who is able to collect SIOO from me I beg you to send him to me at once, for I shall be glad to employ him in my own in terest. — Ch icago Tribune. ” ALL IN A QUIET WAY. “I wonder the English allow them selves to be governed by a woman,” said a citizen the other day. “Why not ?” said another. “America is governed by women.” “Governed by women ? How do you make that cut ?” “Why, don’t you see, this is a govern ment <f the people.” “Yes; but tho women have no hand in it. The country is governed by the men.” “Certainly; and the men are governed by tho women.”— Boston Coiirier. HE WAS JUST LIKE OTHER MEN. They,, were coming out of a dime museum. “I don’t believe that wild man of Borneo is a wild mau at all,” she whis pered. “Why not?” he asked. “He’s civilized just like other “What makes you think so ?” “Didn’t you see the manager pay / in a 101. of money ?” “Yes; a S2O bill and a lot of small bills.” “Well, didn’t you notice how careful the wild man was to fold the twenty outside ?”— Chicago Newt. SHE DIDN'T GARB TO REMEMBER. “Miss Jonkins, permit me to intro duce Mr. Smith.” Miss Jonkins is a lady whoso alabaster brow has begun to fade, and whose eyes have grown dim in vain looking out for a husband. “Delighted, Mr. Smith.” • “Why, Miss Julia, what a pleasant surprise. lam sure you must remem ber me. It is so delightful to recall pleasant moments. I well remember our first meeting. We danced together at a ball at Mrs. Jones’s in ’56. Don’t you remember?” But she didn’t, and he wondered all night why she was so cold and distant. —Nan Francisco Chronicle. ELOQUENCE INDEED. “I hear you are highly satisfied with your new minister, Brown ?” “Satisfied is a tamo word to express our opinion of Uhn., Wo are delighted with him.* - - - i q “He is very eloquent, I understand?” “Eloquent! Why, sir, when he is preaching he affects the congregation so powerfully that there is hardly any in terest taken in the flirtations of the choir.” FULL OF DECEIT. “The world is full of deceit,” said old Mr. Squaggs, “aud wimmin is mostly at the bottom of it.” “I know it,” said old Mrs. Squaggs; “it is after a man gets a wife that he be gins to practice deceit. If he hadn’t a wife ho wouldn’t need to lie so much about where he spends his evenings. You are perfectly right. It’s the women that cause the deceit.” O’d Mr. Squaggs became very thought ■ fill.— Boston Gazette. SOME OF US KNOW HIM. A well-dressed young msn was seen to stare at a woman impudently, hail a street-car imperiously, pay his fare con descendingly, seat himself fashionably and expectorate furiously. “Who is that distinguished gentle man ?” whispered an awe-struck passiF ger to the conductor. And the conductor replied: “He j the janitor of a West Side flat.”—Mer chant Traveller. A FOOLISH QUESTION. “Lend me your ear a minute,” re marked Mrs. Brown to her husband the other evening. “Will you give it back to me ?” he in quired with mock anxiety. “Os course I will, you idiot I Doyon suppose I want to start a tannery ?” She got the ear. — Graphic. HE WOULD BE AN OWL. “I wish I was an owl,” said the young lawyer as he gentiy felt the dimensions of her alligator belt. “Why?” she asked. “Because then I could stay up al night, you know, dear,” he replied. “What would you want to do such it a ridiculous thing as that for?” she tit tered. “To wit:—To woo 1” Pittsburg Chronicle. — —— The Way They Live In Mexico. A Mexican traveler received the fol lowing lesson in etiquette from a young lady of the country: “I saw you eat ing an orange on the depot platform,” she said. “In Mexico that would be considered unmannerly. There It is un mannerly to eat anything outside of a house, even candy. And I noticed when Mr, Romero gave you a Mexican match you threw it away after using but one end of it The other was still ser viceable, and you should have returned the match with your thanks. If you baud oue a cig ir or a cigarette to light with, you must take a whiff af:er it has been returned to you, though Itmiy be so short as to burn your fingers.” A dude returned from college to his parents’ city apartments. As he war undressing to go to bed at night he no tioed a handsome motto on the wall, “God bless our flat,” and it bothered him all night so that he could hardly sleep.