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I I ADVERTISING BATES.
„.w are the rates to which wc adhere in
Advertising, or Where advertisements
II? withont instructions. I)isim.avk,> Ad
l will j, e charged according to the hpaob
I T. 1 M. » H ■» M. : l‘j m:
Ui iiolts Bolt T ||is 00
8 ( M | 7 00 15 00, 20 00 BO 00
K) no 20 00 85 oo| 65 On! 80 00
" 15 00 25 00 40 00 70 00 180 QQ
S’Ar.IKS, AT)MI NIST RATO RS, OtTARDTANS, <trO.
,f or e, since the war, the followinsr are the
otices of Ordinaries, Ac.-to bk paid in ad
;,££‘V'sqr ofVenid n W: ; V' :: y: 6 00
Notices of Sales pr sqr 2 00
’ Salks —for these Sales, for every fl fa
Sales, per square. $5 00
9 are charged for the same as other adver
-I,rcan to advertise my Ironware freely,
ncreased with amazing rapidity. For ten
[ have spent £BO.OOO yearlv to keep my
ires before the public. Had I been timid in
I never should have possessed my fortune
r-McLeod lielton, Birmingham,
ising. like Midas’ touch, turns everything to
it, your daring men draw millions to their
itnart Clay.
ndficlty is to love, and boldness to war, the
of printer’s ink, Is to success in business.” —
vspapers made Fisk.”—T. Fisk, Jr.
IV Oi. t the aid of advertisements I could have done
flflff dat ions. I have the most complete
i failin’“printers’ink.” Advertising is the “royal road
tobt siness Barnum.
“],t aside a liberal per centage for advertising.
tyoiuself unc 'asingly public; and it
■rs not what bust css you are engaged in, for, if
igently and industriously pursued, a fortune will
e result Hunts Merchants’ Magazine.
mm* « -/'-KW’T- •arv*- xjrwi r*«w—KE anjuu a.w-■*-( l-^uju^unra*
■jroltisiooal Cavils.
T. WE VVER, Attorney at Law,
Ml • Tlwmastnn, (ta. Will practice in all the
■Com iof the Flint Circuit, and elsewhere by special
coat et. june2s-ly
M'll\ !. HALL, Attorney and Counsellor
fl i Law "Will practice In the counties composing
the; int Circuit,. In the Supreme Court of Georgia,
«nf' r i the District Court of the United States for the
lion, ern and Sou hern Districts of Georgia.
Tlomaston, Ga., June 18th, ISTi'-ly.
W. T' VI M A N T . Attorney at Law,
jflj* Rarnesville, Ga. Will Practice in the Courts of
■■Flint Circuit, nnd ElseAihe.ie by Special Contract,
attention given to all collection of claims.
1 jatie4-ly
II. SMITH, Attorney and
Counsellor :it Law. Office Corner Whitehall and
itrerts Atbinia, Ga. Will praetice in the Su
]»eri • Courts of Coweta and Flint Circuits, the Su
pr4ie Court of the State, and the United States’ Dis
tr»Court. All com,t unications addressed to hint at
will receive prompt attention. april9-ly
■NO. R. HART & J. Y. ALLEN, have
tn united for the purpose of practicing Law. One
or loth may always be found in their office. By strict
attention to business and fair dealing with all they
to merit a liberal share of patronage,
aonior member of the firm refers with confidence
H 1 foe whom he has done business during the past
Hill practice by contract in any of the courts, or in
, *ny ortion of the State.
Gil, 4an. 92,1570. }an22-8m
Anderson & McCalla, Attorneys
ftt Law, Covington, Georgia. Will attend regu
an'l Practice in the Superior Courts of the
of Newton, Butts, Henry, Spalding. Pike,
Upson. Morgan, DeKalb, Gwinnette and das
dec 0-ly
JAMES M. MATIIEWS, Attorney at
Liws, Talbotton, Ga„ will practice all the counties
the Chattahoochee Circuit and elsewhere by
contract. declO-ly
ILLIS & WILLIS, Attorneys at Law
Talbotton, Ga. Prompt attention given to
n css placed in our hands. declO-ly
’MIERT P. TRIPPE, Attorney at Law
Forsyth, Ga. Will praetice in the State Courts
Jim the United States’ District Court at Atlanta and
dec 0-ly
A. HUNT, Attorney at L aw, Barnes^
■ tia Will practice in all the counties of
■ Hint Circuit and Supreme Court of the State.
I| ARION BETIIUNE, Attorney at
8,',, Uaw, Talboton, Ga. Will practice in all the
J! ms of the Chattahoochee Circuit, and Upson and
counties. declS-ly
|I|UMAS BEALL, Attorney at Law,
crir , maßt °n. Ga. Will practice in the Flint Ci'r-
B ' an(l elsewhere by special contract. declS-ly
■ Vi- ROGERS will continue the practice
’diilieiDe. Office at B. D. Hardaway’s Drug
J * dectß-ly
BV’ L. W. T. HANNAH, is pleased to
Wr T n °tlfy the citizens of Upson that he will continue
mctice ot Medicine in its various branches at
» Ga. declS-ly
■ WALKER, Attorney at Law
■ wGange, Ga. Will practice in Circuit Courts o
H H C flj^‘ v ‘ n United States District Courts.
I DentistryT
undersigned feeing permanently
Ii . ;' l “ ; ' n Thomston, still tenders thier professional
touanVa® p ™ ct lce of Dentistry to the citizens of
, .’ A' mining counties. Teeth inserted on gold,
■ „,V f , dman tine or rubber. All work warranted and
I l>ha r ' ,laran teed. Office up stairs over Suggs &
H ecu ts Qru ß slore *
BRYAN & SAWYER.
■ PUBLIC.—I have moved up to
tami | n Messrs Cheney and Allen’s new build
»aml'r,,./*.'!l^,rL engaged in the practice of medi
teetne to go at any time. Persons wishing
r 'mai:s , , r j ln n . ot l n my office, can call on Messrs,
i. the- exn •' w !' s ;uil ’ lawyer’s and obtain informa-
HPmtni.t! . V 1!?" leave any incs-age there, which will
■ ipriiais > chvered
- “ _ DR J. O. HUNT.
fISONjIMUM.
M HOLESALE DEALERS IN
PEHS USB PROVISIONS,
B»^ P l an «'' r ’ s Su PP a * 3 on TIME for
111 ‘ Savannah Warehouse Accepts
I ’* x»ay2l'tUn
r
TIIOYIASTO2ST GA, SATURDAY AIORTSTITSTG, JULY IG, 1870.
The syetotns of liver
In i u n mr a *1 complaint are uneasiness
BY ISIIIII \ V J and pain in the si(Je
2 I 1 ill ill U ll Ij I Sometimes the pain is in
I the shoulder, and is mis
■BEatjp&BgTwyßi nvßßMmmm taker* for rheumatism.
The stomach is affected with loss of appetite and sick
ness, Dowels in general costive, sometimes alternating
with lax. The head is troubled with pain, and dull,
heavy sensation considerable loss of rnemorv, accom
panied with painful sensation of having left undone
something which ought to have been done. Often coin
pl-lining of weakness, debility, and low spirits. Somc
times, some of the above
j T it § symptoms attend the dis-
I, I I Ij II I ease, and at other times
li 1 V 1 1 11 Every few of them; hut
| the Liver is generally the
organ most involved
Cure the Liver with
DR. SIMMONS’
Liver Regulator,
A preparation of roots and herbs, warranted to be strict
ly vegetable, and can do no Injury to anyone.
It has been used by hundreds, and known for the last
3o years as .me of the most reliable, efficacious and
harmless preparations ever offered to the suffering. If
i< is sure to cure.
y nr. ■ m f\r\ ■Jaundice, costiveness.sick
g! Sll I 111 A I 'll*" K headache, chronic diarr
|| 1* Ui iJU tiil I Ull«8 boea, affections of the
M bladder, camp dysentery,
affections of the kidneys,
fever, nervousness, chills, diseases of the skin, impurity
of the blood, melancholy, or depression of spirits, heart
burn, colic, or pains in the bowels, pain in the head,
fever and ague, dropsy, boils, pain in back and limbs,
asthma, erysipelas, female affections, and bilious dis
eases generally. Prepared onlv bv
.1. 13. ZEUS ELI Y & rO„
Price 81; by mail *1.85. Druggists, Macon, Ga.
The following highly respectable persons can fully at
test to flic virtues of this valuable medicine, and to
whom we most respectfully refer;
Gen. W. S. Ilolt, President S. W. R. E. Company:
E.w J. Felder, Perry, Ga.; Col E. K Sparks, Albany,
Ga.; George J Lunsford, Esq., Conductor S. W. It. E.;
C Masterson, Esq., Sheriff 15ibb county: J A. Butts’
Ralnhridge, Ga ; Dykes Ac Sparhawk, Editors Floridian,
Tallahassee; Eev. J W. Burke, Macon, Ga.; Virgil
Powers Esq.. Superintendent S. W. R. It.; Daniel Bui
lard, Bullard's Station. Macon and Brunswick It. E.,
J wiggs county, Ga.; Grenville Wood, Wood’s Factory,
Macon. Ga ; Eev. E F. Easterlinn, P. E. Florida Con
fererce: Major A. F. Wooley, Kingston, Ga.; Editor
Mac n Telegraph.
For sale l>v John F Henry, New York, Jno D. Park,
Cincinnati, Jno. Flemming, New Orleans, and all Drug
gists apl2-ly
DISSOLUTION.
rpilE On-partnership nf Saul«bury,
fi (’iikrry Ac Blasinoamk te - urinates, and is hereby
dissolved, from this date. Signed,
Jamfs L. Sattlsuttry,
WII.T.IAM A CIIKRP.Y,
JAM K3 P. BLASINGAMK.
Macon, May 1, 1870.
OO -
r |'MIE undersigned have Ibis dav formed
Ia Co-partnership, commencing the first day of
May ensuing, under the firm name of S VULSBUEY,
ERSPESS A CO., for the transaction of a Warehouse
and General Commission Business in this City.
James ISaulmhtry,
John E. Resprss,
William T Ef.suass,
James P. Blasinoamr.
James L.SAULBiunti’ jr.
Dated Macon, April 20, IS7O.
In retiri ig from the late firm of Saulsbury, Cherry
A Blasingame, I take occasion to recommend their
successors, Messrs. SACLSBUEY, EESPEsg DO., as
in ever}' respect worthy of the fullest confidence of my
friends, and solicit for them their patronage and influ
ence. WILLIAM A. CHERRY.
Wo beg leave to addin connection with the above
announcement regarding the new firm, that we will
take pleasure in the transaction of any business en
trusted to our care, with the promise that our best ex
ertions will be given to promote the interest, of our
patrons. We have ample facililies for affording our
Customers reasonable accommodations when required,
either upon cotton in store or for purposes of making their
growing crops Special attention will be given to fill
ing orders for supplies upon ihe most, favorable terms.
inayl4-8m BAULSBUKY, KESPESB & CO.
j In the Superior Court,
r> I.* xri c; ! Present, the Honorable Jas.
uuie ai. f w Greene> (Ju(lge of said
J Court.
Yeatman, Shields &c.. j Mortgage, &c.
vs >•
Georgiana Timmons. ) May Term, IS7O.
Cl EOKGI V—Upson county.-—lt appearing to the
I (’mirt. by the petition of 11. T. Yeatman, B. F.
Shields and G. W Sbeilds partners doing business un ■
der the firm name and style of Yeatman, Shield & Cos ,
accompanied by the note and Mortgage deed, that on
the first day of December (IS6S) eighteen hundred and
sixtv-eigbt, the defendant made nnd delivered to the
plaintiff hn- prornisory note bearing date the day and
year aforesaid, -whereby the defendant pi onuses three
months after date of said note to pav the plaintiff or
bearer Eleven hundred and fifty-seven dol ars and
eighty-one cents for value received. And that after
wards on the day and year aforesaid the defendant the
better to secure the payment of the said note executed
and delivered to the Plaintiff her deed of Mortgage,
whereby the defendant mortgaged to the plaintiff. Lot
of Land No. and) one situate, lying and being in the
South-west corner of the West Front Square of the
town of Thomaston, also Lot of Land on the West
fiont square of said town of Thomaston, upon which
James M. Smith’s Law office formerly stood, in the
county aforesaid. And it. further appearing that said
note remains unpaid. It is therefore, ordered ihat the
said defendant do pay into Court, on or before the first
(lay of the next Term thereof, the principal interest
and cost due on said note, or show cause to the contra
ry if any they can. And that on (he failure of the de
fendant. to do so, the equity of redemption in nnd to
said Mortgaged premises be forever thereafter barred
and foreclosed. And it is further ordered that this rule
be published in the Georgia Herald forfonr months
previous to the next Term of this Court or serVed on
the defendant or her special Agent, or Special Attorney
at least three months previous to the next Term of this
Court. By the Cou’-t
HALL, COTTF.N & WEAVER.
Mav Term IS7O Petitioner's Attorneys.
It lurther appearing to the Court that the defendant,
Georgiana Timmons, resides out of this Siato and re
sides in the State of Tennessee. It is therefore ordered,
that the foregoing rule he served on the said Georgiana
Timmons by publication in terms of the Statute.
By (he Court, May Term, IS7O.
HALL, GOTTEN «fc WEAVER.
Petitioner's Attorney's.
I certify that the above and foregoing is a irue ex
tract from the minutes of the Court
juneJ-lmlm H. T. JENNINGS, C. S. C.
TAILORING.
JOHN F. Ivl'Criß.ll.A-'X
VGATN returns his thanks for the libe l
. ral patronage he has received in the past, and
informs his Old Friends, and
EVERYBODY ELSE,
that he is now at the Store of WEAVERS & A., in
Tliomaston, Gra.,
Where he is thoroughly prepared to do TAILORING.
Cut,ring, Making, Repairing, &c, in all its branches,
and in as line style as cun be done in or out ot the
State. Satisfaction guaranteed. Terms Cash
UPSOjV SHERIFF'S SAEE.
TXTILL be sold on the first Tuesday in August
\ V next, before the Courthouse door, in the town of
Thomaston, Upson county, between the legal hours of
sale, the following property to wit:
Seventy bushels of wheat, more or less; the same
levied on as the property of F. A. Cochran, by virtue of
an execution issued from the Superior court of said coun
ty in favor of 1). W. Patterson, against F A. Cochran
principal, and J, H. Lawrence securiiy ; also a distress
warrant in favor of G. A. Cunningham, Executor of
11. 0. Cunningham, deceased, Property pointed out by
plaintiff s Attorney.
july2-td O. C. SHARMAN, Sheriff
JOB WORK of all kinds neatly executed
ut the HERALD OFFICE. declS-tf
poctri).
ANNIE AND THE BABY.
As Annie was carrying the baby one day,
Tosting aloft the lump of inanity,
Dear to its father and mother no doubt—
To the rest of the world a mere lump of humanity.
Sain came along and was thinking, may be.
Full as much of Annie as she of the baby.
“Just look at (he darling,” cried Annie, in a flutter,
Giving its locks round her finger a twirl ;
“If I was a man I know that I couldn’t
Be keeping my hands off a dear little girl ”
And Sam gave a wink as if to say “may be
Os the girls I'd rather hug you than the baby ”
“Now kiss it,*’ she cried, though she still hugged it
closer.
“Its mouth's like the roses the honey bee sips !”
Sam stooped to obey, and, as beads came together,
There chanced to aiise a confusion of lips!
And as it occurred it might have been, may be,
That each got a kiss, Sam, Ann and the baby !
It’s hard to tell just what was the matter,
For the babe was the only one innocent there;
And Annie flushed up like a full blown pony,
And Samuel turned red to the roots of his hair.
jpscftlflncinw.
A FOURTH OF JULY SKETCH.
From the New York Ledger.]
BY JUDGE CLARK.
No town or neighborhood but Ims it3
great man. Kosherham, unfortunately,
had two.
Cicero Smith and Demosthenes Dobbs
were a couple of lawyers of great local em
inence-rivals in everythin;' from law to
love, and rank haters of each other. One
such man might have make the place fa
mous ; two kept it in hot water.
The entire community took sides. All
who were not swearers by Smith, were
drummers for Dobbs. ’ The number of
“hung jurieß ,, in that county was some'
thing incredible. It was astonishing, con
sidering the acrimony between them, and
the fact that both gentlemen were militia
officers, that the contest continued blood
less. Indeed P'bbs, on one occassion, did
challenge Smith, for calling him a liar, in
open court : but the affair was compromised
by Smith’s explaining that he meant noth
ing unprofessional.
Some weeks before the Fourth of July,
many years ago, the Kosherhammers. as
usual, began their prepartions for celebra
ting the day. How differently such tilings
were conducted then ! If there was less of
of fizzing nnd popping and blue-blazes than
modern improvement has brought, what
imposing parades of cornstalk militia we
had ! and what speeches !—to say nothing
of the boundless supply of gingerbread and
cider for the juveniles, and something a
little stronger for the old folks! Happy
times !—I fear “we shall not look upon
their like again !'’
Mr. Smith had-been the orator of the
preceding year, and had acquitted himself
with distinguished honor—so much so, that
he had been putting on airs over Dobbs
ever since.
The Dobbs faction were determined that
the coming occasion should give their fav
orite a chance. “Turn about was fair
play,” they said ; and though the partisans
of Smith hooted at the folly of discarding a
man of approved gifts for one of untried
powers, Dobbs eventually carried the day
by a single vote —a result brought about
by the sudden defection of Posey Potts, who,
after talking and drinking on Smith’s side
to the last moment, unaccountably deserted
to Dobbs.
Mr. Dobbs had written his speech months
before, so as to have it ready in case of
emergency. On one passage he especially
prided himself. ISo public demonstration,
we should explain, was deemed complete
in those days without the presence ot one
or more Revolutionary soldiers, (many of
whom were still surviving ) conspicuously
put forward as lay figures whereon to hang
the choicest chaplets of the orator’s elo
quence. Mr. Dobbs had adopted, as the
basis of this part of his speech, Mr. Web
ster’s noble address to the “venerable men”
whom he so grandly apostrophized on a
memorable occasion—a model, it is but just
to say, on which Mr. D. considerably im
proved, at least in sound, by substituting,
wherever practicable, words of four sylla
bles for those of one.
But the fates frowned on Dobbs. Not a
week bes ire the eventful day. Daddy Daw
son, the onlv “Revolutioner” within twen
ty miles of Kosherham, and who had often
stood a target for oratorical popguns, than
he ever had for British bullets, perversely
died ! To leave out his finest passage al
together—a sacrifice Dcfbbs couldn’t bear to
think of—or deliver it to a dummy, at the
risk of being redieulous, was the perplex
ing alternative the case presented.
The morning of the Fourth found Dobbs
still undecided; nor had he vet made up
his mind when the crowd had assembled,
nor even when the drum and fife—Kosher
ham was spared, as yet, the infliction of a
brass band —began to play the opening
overture.
Just then Posey Potts was seen elbowing
his way toward the platform, leading Hans
Haversack, a broad-faced, good-humored
old Dutchman, a new-comer in the place,
and proprietor of a thriving establishment
known as the “Mug and Pretzel .”
Potts beckoned tj Dobbs, and whispered
something.
“You don’t say so !” the latter exclaimed.
“But I do, though !”
“A real Revolutionary soldier?”
“I have it from his own lips.”
Dobbs whispered excitedly to the chair
man ; the chairman whispered to the com
mittee, and Ilans, by main force, was hois
ted into the seat of honor, where he sat
blushing like a Jrau bis ocean of face
rippled over/ with smiles.
A. load was lifted from the breast of
Dobbs.
“It is the Sun of Bunker-Hill,” he be
gan, as soon as the music ceased, “that this
day shines upon us with undimmed splen
dor !” It was not the fault of Dobbs that
the morning was dark and cloudy. If any
body was to blame, it was the Committee
of Arrangements.
As the speaker proceeded, Smith, who
sat sneering on the stand, began to feel
concerned for his laurels. Dobbs was do
ing better than he had expected. How.,
ever, tho crucial test was yet to come. It
was by the final apostrophe to the ‘Old
Revdutioners” that the audience always
judged of the orator’s success or failure.
“This overdone”—though that could hard
ly fe —“or come tardy off,” irredeemably
marred and ruined all.
The critical moment came at last.
“Stand up,” whispered Posey in Hans’
ear.
Hans obeyed, looking bashful and fool
ish.
“By what commander were you led to
glory?” inquired Dobbs, by wav of making
believe the whole thing was impromtu.
‘‘Vat ish dat?”
’‘Under whom did you serve?”
‘‘Me? ’ said Ilans, his face brightening
wqb a grin of comprehension—“?•//, 1 uas
wilder Hessians unter Sheneral Boorcoyne,
untold Kates, he napt us all
Dobbs was struck dumb !
* Yefer mint, Misthcr Topps,” added
hnne», ecring the effect ofhis answer, and
seeking to set maters right ; “I pe’s a coot
American now, nut fotes for Sheneral
Shaekson all de wile
Dobbs’ oration was never finished. If
the world ever sees the rest of it, it w ill he
in his posthumous works. Amid roars of
laughter from the friends of Smith, the
poor fellow sank into the nearest seat,
overwhelmed and crushed.
Cries of “Smith !” “Smith !” brought
forward that gentleman, who brilliantly
closed the exercises by repeating, in his
best style, some of the most magnificent
portions of his last year’s speech, to the
great edification of himself and friends,
and the utter disgu-t of Dobbs and his.
A TRUE PICTURE OF A BATTLE FIELD. —
Steadily the brave follows ascended the
range of hills, two ranks deep, under a fu
rious fif£ of artillery, flashing death’s ter
rors under the most fearful form, and gaylv
they climbed the numerous fences in their
way. Men dropped, the gaps were made
in the ranks, but the lines were immedi
ately closed—all were compact as before.
The wounded silently fell. All bosh about
the screams of the wounded that we read
of in books. On they went until a blaz/ng
fire of musketry stormed upon them from
the rifle-pit hitherto invisible, and induced
a halt. Firmly they stood and returned
the fire. Up went the swards of the field
officers, wildly cheering them on. Again
they advanced, Again they halted. Line
officers ran behind the men—picking up
cartridge boxes of the dead, and replenish
ing those of the living.
Back and forth they went, in the rear of
their companions, asking men if their am
munition held out, indicating localities
where shots might be effective, and encour
aging them with hopeful words;—
“Steady, boys, steady ; give ’em thunder !
Smith are you hurt?”
“Yes, sir ; my arm’s broke.”
“Go to the rear, my boy.”
Another boy falls.
“Where are you struck Robert?”
“In the thigh, sir. I can’t move.”
~Lie still, and keep cool; they’ll take
you away soon.”
‘ Denis, what’s the matter with you ?
Why the devil don’t you fire?”
“The ball’s banged to the top o’, me mus
kit togither, sir, aud broke the bagenet.”
“Pitch it away; here’s another. Fire
faster, Jones ! That’s right, Robinson ! Give
it to em ! Splendid ! boys, splendid ! Down
with you, a now battery opening!”
So it goes, encouragement arid reproof by
turns, in quantities varied by the individu
al vitality of the officer, interspersed with
constant orders to lie down and avoid the
fire of the batteries.
“D—n this knapsack ! I can’t stand it!”
says one ; and it is jerked off.
“This coat is as hot as says anoth
er, and off it goes.
Terrible is this work of death ! The en
emy in the rifle pits have the advantage of
three to one. They put their heads up,
fire, and down they go to load.
“Oh, blast it! Cap’n we ain’t got no
chance against them fellers; we ought to
have reinforcements.”
This cry extends along the lines, Cols,
in their visits to their regiments, hear it
from their line officers; soon it comes to
the knowledge of the generals, and after an
hour’s fighting, an order to fall back is giw
en, which is obeyed with a steady pace,
and but little straggling, towards the city.
A Little Mixed.— During the Presiden
tial canvass of 1812, in which the Federal
ists supported the claims of De Witt Clinton,
party feeling was strong and rampant.
Those who favored the war measures of the
administration had President
Madison, and the contest was duly opened.
In a thriving town of Oxford county in
what was then the District of Maine, lived
a hard-working, well meaning man, named
Jerry Phipps, whe had heretofore voted
with the Federalists, lie knew as much
about politics as he did abnut the geogra
phy of Jupiter ; but his vote, nevertheless,
counted as much as the next man’s. Dur
ing the autumn of this year Jerry was ot
work for Mr. Noble, —and Mr. Noble was
a rank Republican. He told Jerry that he
must be a patriot, and vote for Madison ;
and he explained how necessary it was that
the government should be sustained in the
midst of the nation’s perils by sea and land.
Jerry’s heart was fired, and he promised to
vote for Madison.
“But,” said he, a little dubiously, “ye
know, “Squire, I’ve allers voted t’other way.
When they ask me what for I’m a goin to
vote for Jim. Madison, what shall I tell
’em?”
“Tell them,” replied Noble, “that you
are bound to vote for the only man who
will support our Navy, and stop Insurrec
tion.”
Jerry nodded, and went his way. Not
long afterward, at the village store, he was
approached by a Federal politician, and
asked how he intended to vote.
“For Jim. Madison,” answered Jerry,
promptly.
“But. Jerry, I thought you were a true
patriot.”
“So I be.”
“Then how can you vote for Madison ?”
“Because,” replied Jerry, with lofty en
thusiasm, “he’s the only man that will
support knavery, and stop the Resurrection
Jerry probably imagined, as he turned
away, that the position was impregnable ;
and hence his auditors had wondered, and
were silent.
Our humorists sometimes use the keen
edge of their wit in righteous slaughter of
follies that can be dealt with in no other
way so effectively. Mark Twaiu is at pre
sent the best of these. A llcv. Talmadge.
of Brooklyn, recently said in the Independ
ent, in behalf of renting pews .
I have a good Christian friend who, if he
sat in the front pew iu church, and a word
ing man should enter the door at the other
end, would smell him instantly. My friend
is not to blame for the sensitiveness of his
nose, any more than you would flag a
pointer for being keener on the scent than
a stupid watch-dog. The fact is, if you had
the churches free, by reason of the mixing
up of common people with, the uncommon,
you would keep one-halt of Christendom
sick at their stomach. If you are going to
kill the church thus with bad smells, I will
have nothing to do with this work ot evan
gelization.
To which M rk Twain responds :
We have reasons to believe that there
will lie laboring men in heaven : and also
a number of negroes, and Esqumaux, and
Terra del Fuegans, and Arabs, and a few
Indians, and possibly even some Spaniard*
and Portuguese. All things are possible
with God. We shall have all these sorts of
people in lierven ; but alas! in getting
them we shall lose the society <t Dr. Tal
madge. Which is to say, we shall lose the
company of one who could give more real
“tone” to celestial society than any other
contribution Brooklyn could furnish." And
what would eternal happiness he without
the Doctor ? Blissfull—unquestionably—
we know that well enough—but would it be
distingue would it be recherche without
him? Sfc. Matthew without stockings or
sandals; St. Jerome bareheaded, and with
a coarse brown blanket robe dragging the
ground: St. Sebastine with scarcely any
raiment at all—thego we should see, and
should enjoy seeing them ; but would we
not miss a spike-tailed coat and kids, and
turn away regretfully, and say to parties
from the Orient: “These are well enough ;
but you ought to see Talmadge, of Brook
lyn ” I fear me that in the better world
we shall not even have Dr. Talmadge’s
“good Christian friend.” For if he were
sitting under the glory of the Throne, and
the keeper of the keys admitted a Bejamin
Franklin or other laboring man, that
“friend,” with his fine natural powers ins
finitely augmented by emancipation from
hampering flesfi, would detect him with a
single sniff and immediately take his hat
and ask to be excused.
HOW TIIE SERPENT DECEIVED EYE.
A Frenchman gives the following account
of the temptation and fall of man :
Monsieur Adam, he wake up. he secs
une belle demoiselle aslip in ze garden.
Voila de la chance. “Bonjour, Madame
Iv.” Madame Iv she wake ; she hole her
fan before to her face. Adam put up his eye
glass to admire ze tableau. Zey make one
promenade. Madame Iv, she feel hungry ;
she see appel on ze arbre. Serpent ee
promene sur l’arbre, make one walk on ze
tree. “Monsieur Serpent,” say Iv, “weel
you not have ze bonte to peek me some ap.-
pel, j’ai faim.” “Certainment, madame,”
say ze serpent, “charm de vous voir.”
“Uola, mon ami, ar-r-r-eter vous,” say Ad
am ; “stop, stop, que songez vous faire ?
What madness is zees—you must not peek
se appel.” Ze snake, he take one pinch of
snuff, he say, “Ah ! Monsieur Adam, do
you not know zere is nossing prohebeet for
ze ladies ? Madame Iv, permeet me to offer
you some of this fruit defendu.” Iv, she
make one courtesy, ze snake he fill heY
whole parasol wiz appel ; he say “Eritis
sicut Deus. Mons Adam he will eat ze ap
pel, he will become like one Dieu, know ze
good and ze evil, but you, Madam Iv, can -
not become more of a goddess zan you are
now.” And zis finish Madame Iv.
HOW TO READ THE BIBLE.
1. Read ic every day.
2. Read, sometimes, one verse ftt a time.
3. Read, sometimes, a paragraph at a
time.
4. Read, sometimes, a whole chapter ; at
others, a whole book.
5. Sometimes, read by subjects : e. g., the
parables, by themsslves, one after another,
etc.
6. Take one “character” and trace it
through the Old and New Testaments ,
thus: 1, direct history or biography ; 2, il
lustrative comments on, either in the way
of enforcing as an example or exhibiting as
a warning ; 3, by contrast with others of
different type.
7. Hnnt up a doctrine through both Tes
taments. For example, God’s watch-care
over his people—God’s sovereiguty—elec
tion-predestination—the law of the Sab
bath.
8. Find out the contrasts between the
Old and the New Testaments ; between one
saint and another ; between some zealous
Christian and some zealot persecutor; be>*
Jew and Samaritan.
9. Take a verse, sometimes, to pieces,
word by word ; and find when the potential
words are ustd elsewhere, and in what
verses.
10. Use all the helps you can get—if yon
haven’t a commentary, put by the difficult
pas a ages to ask your minister the meaning
of.
11. Above all, endeavor to make your
readings of God’s w'ord improve you iu the
article of self-examination and growth in
grace.— Religious Herald.
Keeping Rattlesnakes—A Question of
Law.— ln Dahlonega county, Ga., lives a
man who is fond of rattlesnakes? He keeps
them in his garden as pets. He has no
children of his own, but some cf his neigh
bors are blessed with offspring. Aslittle
son of one of his neighbors having ventured
into his garden for the purpose of picking
strawberries, was bitten by a rattlesnake
and killed. The question has heDce arisen,
whether the owuer of the rattlesnake is
liable in damages to the boy’s father for
the death of his son. The detence is, that
the boy, having gone into the garden to
steal strawberries, was a trespasser, and
therefore not under the protection of the
law. On the other hand, it is claimed that
a man has no business to put his neighbor’s
children to death bv means of a rattle
snake’s fangs, for offences which the law
itself does not punish with deattj.
“SEED CORN.”
God may hear the heart without words,
but not words without the heart.
llopk leans on an anchor, but an anchor
must have something to hold by and on.
A B’uff oi l farmer says : “If a man pro
fesses to serve the Lord. I like to see him
and » it when he meaMires onions as well as
when he hollers “Ualleluyer 1"
Good resolutions are like crying babies
at a concert ; they ought to be carried out.
To Remove Stains from Character—Get
rich.
Virtue is without merit when it is with
out opposition.
I housands who fear death, pour it down
their throats.
A frog does not remember when he was
a tadpole, but others do.
Tiie moment a man is satisfied with him
seli, everybody els© is dissatisfied with him.
1 roubles like infants, thrive on nursing.
1 here is a time when thou tnayest say
n 'thing and a time when thou mayost say
something; hut there never will be a time
when thou shouldest say all things.
Masonic —“On the evening of May 14,”
says the London Jh'/nrs. “Earl de Grey
was installed as Grand Master of English
Tree Masons, and such an assemblage of
the craft as were there gathered to give him
a cordial greeting, is altogether without
precedent or parallel. That such sh uld
have been the case is, not to be wondered
at when it is known that there has been no
similar event in this country for twenty
six years, the Grand Mastership having for
that period been occupied by the Earl of
Zetland, who now retires from the tnrono
of Free Masonry. The occasion was ren
dered still more interesting from the inti-*
motion that Brother the Prince of Wales
had given out, sometime since, that when
ever the Grand Master-electshould installed
as Grand Master, he should do himself the
pleasure of being present to witness it. Up
ward of 1,200 of the highest officers in the
craft were present, some of them from Chi- .
na, Canada, America and other countries.”
Or eat horror has recently been expressed in
Bacchanalian circles at an item of infor
mation in the Internal Revenue reports
concerning stimulating fluids. At Cincin
nati, 42.000 barrels of “saloon washings”
are re-distilled every year, yielding about
two and a half gallons of new spirits each.
The slops bring about $2 per barrel. Wo
do not know why re-distilled bar-room
s’ops should disturb the equanimity of tough
old absorbers, who have been so long com
placently imbibing strychnino, belladonna,
coceulus indieus, sugar of lead, and other
well-known chemicals, which lend such a
fascination, to the sparkling and rosy
beaker. The re-distilled rinsings are not
particularly dirty, until they have been
doctored, and need no more trouble the
stomach than foreign w ines trodden out by
unwashed feet.
TooTit ache —For the benefit of those
who may need a little consolation, we pub
lish the following from a correspondent of
an exchange :
“If any of your readers suffer from tooth
ache, or neuralgic affections, arising from
teeth in any state of decay, they may ex
perience relief, instantaneous and perman
ent, by saturating a small bit of clean cot
ton or wool with a strong solution of ammo
nia, and applying it immediately to tho
affected tooth. The pleasing contrast in
stantaneously produced, in some cases, a
fit of laughter, although a moment before
extreme suffering and anguish prevailed.
I have used the remedy for over one year,
and have obtained sufficient proof to war
rant publication.
An Editor Under the Influence of
Gin. —The editor of the Logan (Ohio) Ga
zette having been presented with a bottle
of London Dock Gin, drank it, and then
attempted to w’rite a paragraph of thanks,
with this melancholy result;
“In conclusion, here's to the “fire Foun
tain Company No. some” the Brass foun
tain Belle Band, and the rest of our home
institutions and organizations includin the
ladies, and other branches of business (hie)
in and around town —and especially the
Messident’s Pressage, Monington Washu
ment, etc., all of which may be had cheap
at the Buck Drook—Brook and Drug Store
of Binninger’s London Dock Gin, for two
dollars a year, if payment is delayed until
the end of the Atlantic Cable.”
The most laughable thing, probably, that
ever occurred in church took place at a re
vival meeting at Milwaukee. The minister
noticed a seedy—looking chap in one of Ghe
seats, loaking as though be needed religion
or a good square meal, so he stepped up to
him aud asked him if he was a Christian.
“I am the editor ot the , says the man,
mentioning a radical paper. “Then let us
pray, alas, let us pray,” said the devoted
minister. That editor was confined to his
bed.
Matrimony is—hot cakes, warm beds,
comfortable slippers, smoking coffee, red
lips, kind words, shirts abounding in but
tons, redeemed stockings, bootjacks, hap
piness, etc. Single biessedness is—sheet
iron quilts, blue noses, frosty rooms, ice in
the pitcher, unregenerated linen, heelless
socks, coffee sweetened with icicles, gutta
percha biscuits, rheumatism, corns, rhubarb
and any amount of misery.
/f" "
A Little girl in a Western town, after
studying for some time a picture of the
Magdalen reclining on her face and weep-*
ing, suddenly turned to her mother and ex
claimed : “Mamma, I know whv Mrs.
Magdalene is cryiDg. It is because Mr.
Magdalene does not buy her clothes
enough.”
On being asked to dance, a young lady
out West said: “O, blazes, boys, I can’t
dance ; but there’s mam, jest as good a
dancer as ever shuck a foot.”
• It was once said of the elder Booth that
“the blind could see him in his voice and
tho deaf could hear him his visage,”
isro. 32.