Newspaper Page Text
ELUSIVE PAPER DOLLARS.
Adventures of One Who Tried to Es
e‘ ohango Silver for Papor.
From Purl:.
gome things look mighty easy until you
, rv t heni. The other morning as I left the
house my wife said:
-Henry. I wish you would send SI to the
itlieo of the Children's Beacon Light , and
cot the paper six months on trial for the
children; and they send the loveliest oil
.minting to every subscriber.”
’ !n the course of the day my wife's re
cuost came to my mind, and I accordingly
,!. r cte the necessary letter to the presiding
ronius of the aforesaid publication, and
p on. of course, I had to inclose the dollar.
s ‘ ha li I get a postal note! No, that costs
,'T' , in d lhis thing is costing enough nl
. Ha! (1 didn't say “Ha," I only
: a Fit; but it looks well in print.) I
procure a $1 bill, and, verily, it shall
...,■the purpose of a postal note, un
! -.s' some unworthy and covetous vassal of
J p,, ,t Office Department doth lay hold of
, oin elope with voracious clutch and ab
-1" , ; the bill therefrom; but there are risks
j V ; |i tilings earthly. (I didn’t say any of
. ',ai cither, because there was no one to
it to; but it all passed through my
111 I bad numerous silver coin of the de
nomination of $1 about my person; but I
j,..,; n o promissory note of our esteemed
relative. Uncle Sam, for that amount. I
would just step down stairs and get a bill in
exchange for a silver dollar at one of the
stores.
The first store I entered was a grocery
store. A gazelle-eyed clerk with a protrud
in'. forehead was (loing up a dollar’s worth
oAight-brown sugar and two bars of soap
for ;f benevolent-looking old lady with a
large basket.
May I trouble you to exchange a dollar
bill "for a silver dollar ?” I asked iu that blind
that has made our family famous in
legislative halls. He looked right, through
nm at the stove and said pleasantly:
‘Haintgotauy —do you prefer this mot
tled or the Imperial clear soap, Mrs. Jaw-
S Then I tried a dry goods store. The girl,
dressed in tho blue jersey, with the blonde
hangs, to whom I preferred my request, re
fered me with an imperious wave of her
jeweled hand to the cashier. To that mighty
potentate 1 said:
•‘May I trouble you to exchange a dollar
bill fora silver dollar?”
Yaw, we don’t keep silver dollars for
dollar bills.”
"But I want a dollar bill for a silver dol
lar."
“0! Well, we don’t keep them, either.”
I did not insist upon it.
1 then tried without success three dry
goods emporiums, six retail grocery stores,
four confectioners, two banks and a cigar
store. The majority of the tradesmen I
came in contact with would look at me in a
sad, reproachful, half-suspicious sort of a
way, when I made my want known, that
had I been less determined would nave melt
ed me into buying at least $2 35 worth of
something I didn’t want at almost every
store.
At the cigar store I quailed. (The quail
season had just begun.) The young man
who was persuing the pink columns of the
Police Gazette at the back end of the store
came forward so promptly when I rattled
my dollar on the showcase, and with such
an imploring “strong or mild” look on his
ingenuous countenance, that, I involuntarily
shuddered. (I had heard of people doing
that before; that’s why I did it.) My heart
was touched. I do not smoke—it makes me
sick and gives me heart-bum—but I said
calmly:
“Give me 25 cents’ worth of those in
the corner—those with the red-paper belt
on. ”
There was a real pretty picture on the
box-cover, too. He gave me three of the
cigars and I left.
1 felt homeless and alone in the world;
every passer-by seemed to regard me with
suspicious stare, as if I were a body-snatcher
or a boodle Alderman. I would have paid
double the price of admission just then to
have seen the faee of a friend; but though
I have lived in that city for many years,
not a familiar face could I see. I was about
to depart in sadness and a bob-tail car to
my office, which I had left a mile behind (it
may seem queer that I did not leave my
office in front of me where I could watch it,
but I did not), when I saw the smiling
countenance of a very short and very wide
German gentleman standing across the
street at the door of his lager beerery. I
am very impulsive, and liiy impulser at
once started me across the street in his di
rection.
Here, I thought, is a man and a brother,
benevolent, certainly; a retailer of malt
and spirituous beverage, certainly; and per
haps—stranger tnings have happened—he
has a paper dollar in his till. By the time I
had thought all that out with my customary
care I was in hailing distance of him; but I
didn't hail him, I don’t know how to hail. I
only said:
“How do you do, sir?’
He looked at me with a calm, contempla
tive gaze, and said:
“negates!”
At the termination of this conversation
we both went in and had some beer. I felt
better then—l could smile at my desolation
of a few moments ago. We becred again.
Things, as many things as I could see, be
gan to assume a brighter hue. I would make
unother effort to get that dollar.
I said:
“Mr. Schlieffenheimer (that was the most
of his name), do you happen to have a dol
lin' bill in tho drawer there?”
“Nii-nun-mm-m-liah?’ remarked Mr.
Schiioffouheimer, pleasantly.
“Have you got a dollar bill in your
money-drawer?’
Again that underserved look of distrust.
“V.'il, und votif I baf?” queried this port-
R t ■ i ii vniedo,
'■>. you sec, I have been looking for
■ as two houre; 1 want- to use one.”
Mi i Unti l You t’ink I let some-
I’dics moneys, eh? Vot you take
me 1(11 ; '
"But you don’t understand me. I want
you to give me u dollur bill, paper money,
you know, for tliis silver dollar.”
Mr. S. became needlessly excited at this
point.
“Of you donVl leaf mein blare meit your
gonfidenoe skin games I ring der batrol vag
on up mit you.”
By the way Mr. Bchlioffenheimer’s eyes
“napped, and the vigor with Which he wiped
t he vagrant beer foam from his counter, I
judged ho was prepared to execute this
1 breat. Ar a last desperate chance, I said,
with as much impressive solemnity as I
could muster:
“My friend, I will give you these two sil
ver dollars for a one-dollar bill.”
He snoke not, but the energetic manner in
which ho reached for the bung-starter was
*" suggestive of an intention to do me bodi
ly harm that I retreated toward the door.
Mr. ft. followed, and in a choice selection of
Rome of the most inelegant but forcible opi-
Jhets, from both the German and English
language, and with tho most appalling flu
ency, gave me to understand that I would
better exercise my nefarious calling in some
ether place than his; and ns 1 backed to the
door I was met by a large, rod-nosed, navy
blue, brass-buttoned policeman, who said:
“Now look here, Cully, I’ve lieen watchln’
you to try to work your little game long
enough, ’n if you make any more breaks on
my heat you go in, now you hear me!"
I heard him. Perhaps 1 looked like a con
udonce-inan then; I know I felt like one. I
{“ft the scene of the encounter — it’s proba
bly there yet — and with humbled mien I
“homeward trod my wewy way,” musing
much upon the aphorism which opens this
*implo chronicle.
"hat's that! Did I finally get one? Yes,
I did. My wife found th<ise three cigars in
my vest pocket that night, und with tears
m her eyes said she had known for some
tunc tluit I was keeping a secret from her,
out she never would have supposed that I
had contracted that filthy habit. Of course
: had to explain how the nasty things came
"‘to my isiHscssioji, hut the only terms un
der which she agreed to ho convinced wurw
that I should give her $l5 with which to
J?urcoa*3 two yards of t hat lovely plush to go
in tho last winters wrap she was making
'•ver.
Implicit faith iu me was cheap at any
price, and I had to give her the money, and
-n that cute little alligator's skin wallet her
brother William gave me last Christmas I
found tho object of my afternoon’s disas
trous quest—a paper dollar—l had over
looked it. But what has that got to do with
the case, anyway ?
KING OF 3A3Y KISSERS.
The Greatest Effort in the Life of a Pop
ular Maryland Congressman.
From the New York Sun.
Congressman Lewis E. McComas of tho
Sixth Maryland district was a noticeable
figure at the Gilsey House yesterday. He
has gamed some reputation as a legislator,
but his chief title to fame rests on the fact
that ho is the champion baby kisser south of
Mason and Dixon’s line. Ke has, during
his eight years in public life, reduced baby
kissing to a fine art, and to his skill in this
art are mainly due his election and re-elec
tion to Congress. Before Mr. McComas be
came the Republican standard bearer eight
years ago the Sixth district had gone reg
ularly Democratic. Since that time the Re
publicans have carried it.
Mr. McComas did not invent baby kissing
as a campaign art. Statesmen have practiced
it from the first days of the republic. But
to him is due the honor of bringing it to a
state of perfection.
The average seeker of votes goes about
kissing promiscuous babies with all the
hilarity which would mark his approach to
the dentist’s chair. He folds his hands be
hind his back, closes his eyes, clinches his
teeth, as if determined to die hard, ducks
his head, and, as a general thing, bumps
against tho little one’s uose and raises a
howl.
Mr. McComas’ modus operandi is as dif
ferent from this bungling sis a Meissonier is
from a schoolgirl's daub. He goes about the
operation as if it were a thing of perennial
joy. No matter how dirty or how sore
faced the baby or how much it scratches
and squeals, he manages to throw into the
kiss an amount of tenderness that it is sure
to win the parents’ hearts. Here is the opera
tion in detail, as testified to by thousands of
eye-witnesses:
First of all, Mr. McComas stands over
the baby, and beams on it with his large,
tender hazel eyes. Then, as if moved by a
sudden am 1 irresistible impulse of affection he
snatches the little one to liis bosom with all
the fervor of the deserted stage mother. After
pressing it for a moment with head bowed
m emotion, he holds it in front of him in a
horizontal position, beams once more on the
little face; then his head slowly descends,
there is an agonizing pause before the big
moustache reaches the little lips, the angels
hovering about suspend the Happing of their
wings, a long-drawn sigh of joy proceeds
from the Congressman’s breast, a low, sweet
lingering, honey-suggesting smack is heard
—and the deed is done.
The child is again pressed to the manly
bosom and the final move—perhaps the most
important of all—is made. Before handing
the baby back to its proud parents he gazes
at it as if it were the most precious thing in
the world, and then fixes his eyes on the
parents with an expression whicli, if trans
lated into words, would read:
“And just to think, you are the
parent of this little angel! How I do envy
you!”
Occasionally Mr. McComas adds anew
scene to the act when the vote of the father
of the baby is very doubtful. This scene
consists of walking slowly to the door, after
the baby is deposited in the cradle, and there,
as if forced by an overwhelming flood of
affection, to rush back to the little one and
take a final kiss. Any one who has seen the
Congressman perform this extra act must
unhesitatingly pronounce him one of the
greatest actors of the age.
That he has a wonderful control of his
features need hardly be told. The dirtiest
mouth that ever adorned a baby can’t make
him blink. The greatest test to which this
facial control was ever put occurred last
October at the Frederick county fair in
Maryland, at the time Mr. McComas was
having a hard fight for re-election to Con
gress, his opponent being Col. Victor Baugh
man, perhaps the most popular Democrat
in Maryland. The rivals, of course, at
tended the Frederick fail - and settled down
to a day of hand shaking and baby kissing
among the farmers. Both seemed to meet
with equal success. McComas had found a
foeman worthy of his steel.
Toward the end of the day, however, the
merits of the rival baby kissers were put to
a terrible test, About the same time they
came upon a farmer and his wife with a
baby whose hideous red face and sore lips
would deter the bravest of men from ap
proaching it. Col. Baughman came up to
the group first, shook hands with the man,
said some sweet things to the woman, and
then glanced at the caricature of a baby.
As he did so a perceptible shudder passed
over his strong frame. Several friends who
stood near him encouraged the brave Colonel
with: “Go it, Vic!” "It won’t
last long!" and similar inspirit
ing words. Baughman did seem to grow
inspirited, too, for he took the child in his
arms and prepared for the awful deed. By
this time a large crowd had gathered, and in
it were many of Mr. McComas’ men who
were willing to bet freely that Baughman
would not have the nerve to go through with
the task.
The Colonel glanced at the baby again;
again he shuddered, and again a look of de
termination came into his face. Finally he
closed his eyes, clinched his teotli, and let
his head fall—but alas! before his lips reach
ed the upturned face the Colonel, forced by
that incomprehensible instinct which impels
men to look upon the most repulsive ob
jects, took another glance at the baby. This
time it was too much for him. Ho grew
pale, trembled, and handed the child back
with an uncontrollable expression of loath
iug.
Just then McComas came up, and the
crowd bent forward with breathless interest
to see how the second knight would bear
himself in the arena. Baughman stood near
by, the most interested of all. Bets of five
to one that McComas wouldn’t do it found
few takers. Tho Congressman first did the
beaming act as usual, then the pressing act.
then the horizontal act; but here he grew
pale, and a shade of terror crept into
his melting smile. Would he succumb
like his rival? Would he turn in disgust
from those sore lips on that early-tomato
face?
Look! He beams once more; his head
slowly descends in the usual way; there is
the customary agonizing pause, and—ah,
ves 1 all honor to thee, bold McComas—there
is heard the long drawn out smack. Vic
tory ! The Republicans break into a sup
pressed cheer. Baughman and his followers
retire discomfited. McComas was elected to
Congress.
When the Congressman was asked by a re
porter yesterday now ho got through the or
deal, he said, with a wry face: “I managed
to kiss the baby—but—-or—I’ll bed and if
I hankored after it.”. _____
“Euchu-Palba.”
Quick, complete cure, all annoying kid
ney, bladder and urinary disease.!. 81. At
druggists.
“Rough on Bilo” Pills.
Small granules, small dose, big results,
pleasant in operation, don’t disturb the
stomach. 10c. and 25c.
“Rough on Dirt.”
Ask for “Rough on Dirt” A perfect
washing powder found at last! A harmless
extra fine A1 article, pure and clean, sweet
ens, freshens, bleaches and whitens without
slightest injitrv to finest fabric. Unequaled
for fine linens and laces, general household,
kitchen and laundry use. Softens water,
saves labor and soap. Added to starch pre
vents yellowing. 5c., 10c., 25c. at grocers.
In some parts of Africa a missionary, who is
found out of doors after 10 o’clock at night
without being able to give a good account of
himself iu decapitated. >
THE MORNING NEWS: TUESDAY, JULY 19, 1887.
THE LUCK OP A FISHERMAN.
What Happened to a Fat Man Who
Went Fishier in Connecticut.
From the yew York Evening Sun.
A fat man climbed up the City Hall ele
vator station stairs Saturday afternoon. He
was going to Greenwich, Conn., to fish. He
was also in search of a place where a per
son's clothes did not act ns a blotting pad.
There are places that are hotter than the
bridge station, but for ordinary wear the
elevated road will last a man us long as two
suits bought elsewhere. Someone had told
the fat man that the fishing was good at
Byram ’' uid, near Greenwich. He there
upon l u at a rod, reel, and line and start
ed as a o i said.
Being superstitious, he felt a hoodoo
thrown over his trip on account of a red
headed, cross-eyed woman who sat opposite
m'the elevated train. Tho fat man took off
his hat to wipe his brow and the cross-eyed
woman smiled and bowed. The fat man
was sure that his luck was gone then. Noth
ing of further note occurred until the Grand
Central depot was reached. Here was a
jam. A gentleman who had kissed tho
blarney stone elbowed his way into the de
pot:
“Bodad,[ain’t any av these people got any
homes'” he said.
The fat man fought his way to tho ticket
office, knocking a colored baby over, step
ping on a woman’s Boston-sized foot, broke
a dude’s fish pole, and gourged an old maid
in the back with his umbrella m getting
there. He then fought his way to the train,
and luckily found a seat on the shady side
of tin' car. He had just got comfortably
set te ! when a sweet voice asked:
'•t.s this scat engaged;”
“No; quite at your service, miss.”
Great heavens! It was that red-headed,
cross-eyed woman again. She was large for
her age, and took up the greater part of a
seat that tho fat man needed for his own
comfort. Before the train started the wom
an had got so well acquainted that she
asked:
“Is it hot enough for you!”
The fat man looked at his *l5 fishing out
fit in the rack and heaved a sigh that sound
ed like car wheels squeezing around a sharp
curve.
The woman became quite familiar on
short acquaintance. She saw the fish pole
and became voluble. She told bow she
loved to fish, and the fat man went out on
the platform and counted telegraph poles to
change his luck.
Arriving at Greenwich he was driven to
the Lenox House, where all the high-toned
amateur fishermen stop. Mr. Hamilton,
one of the proprietors, is an amateur. Mr.
Perry, the other end of the firm, is a pro
fessional; that is, you would judge so to
hear him tell about the number of bass he
caught.
There are a number of fishermen now at
the Lenox House, and after dispatching a
fine meal the fat man joined the crowd on
the veranda and waited for a chance to tell
his first story, but like the letter sung in
song, it never came. Charles Forbes, of
New York, started out to tell how many
pickerel he caught up in Maine one sum
mer, but said he would will wait till he
heard some of the others, as he didn’t wish to
strain his reputation more than a point or
two at tho present state of the market.
Then Mr. Perry cut loose. He caught sixty
five black bass and ten pickerel in two
hours and thirty-seven minutes by the
watch.
“That’s nothing,” interrupted Judge San
derson, of Hartford. “I’ll bet the wine that
Ananias could double the number iu the
same time.”
“I’d like to know where the connection is
between a fish story and Ananias?” asked
Perry.
“I only judge from the reputation An
anias hail for stretching the truth. He
was such a terrible liar that he must have
been a dandy fisherman.”
After the laugh subsided, the fat man
tried to work in his st&ry, but a lady clad
in snowy muslin, with a truthful look in
her eyes, spoke up:
“I can tell a bigger fish story than any of
you gentlemen.”
“Let’s have it,” was the chorus.
“My corsets are made from whalebone
taken from the jaw of the whale that swal
lowed Jonah.”
There were no more fish stories told.
Sunday was appropriately observed. The
ladies sat on the piazzas and talked about
nothing. The men lolled about under the
shade trees reading the papers or played
penny ante out in the barn. The church
bells tolled and Greenwich people who have
fot good clothes went to divine worship.
'he fat man ate so much that. he slept all
day and dreamed of the wonderful things
that Explorer .Stanley found in the water in
Africa.
He set his alarm clock to go off at 5 a. m.
on the glorious Fourth, but he was up long
before that. A boy threw a giant cracker
into the window that smelled like Barren
Island and made a noise loud enough to
raise the dead.
The fishing party, which consisted of Mr.
Hamilton, Judge Sanderson, and the fat
man, hurriedly breakfasted and clinilxxl into
a carryall that rivaled the deacon’s One
boss shay. Just as the party started Mr.
Perry, accompanied by a colored porter,
came round the corner of the house. Mr.
Perry wanted to go but couldn’t, and the
colored man didn’t want to go but had to.
He carried a 40-pound watermelon, and as
he put it in the wagon ho looked up at the
Judge with a grin.
“Well, sir?” the Judge shouted.
“Good mawnin’, Judge, good mawnin’.”
“What are you grinning at, sir?”
“Ise not grinnin’, sah.”
“Yes, sir, you are, sir; do I look ludicrous
enough to laugh at?”
“No, sah.”
i ‘Well, what are you grinning at then?”
“I was jis’ finkin’ what a monstrous fine
time you’s gwiue to have eutin’ dat yar
watermillion, dat’s all, sah.”
Henry Buekhart, cashier of the Fourth
National Bank, who has the record on bull
heads, R. J. Mills, who built the Second
avenue elevated road and was the champion
at spearing eels in his boyhood, Joseph S.
Case, of Wall street, who is the only man
that can catch suckers with a hook, and
Charles F. Forbes, of the Marvin Safe Com
pany. whose St. Louis record on catfish has
never been broken, got up early to see the
fishermen off.
It was a delightful ride in the cool, early
morning, the robins chirping and the slant
ing shadows of the rising sun made it very
pleasant for the fat man who was in fear of
evoluting into a grease spot. Six miles had
been covered when the Judge began to
swear. He had left his pistol.
“Well, what of it? We are not going
hunting,” said Hamilton.
“No, but we will want a drink though.”
It was agreed to go on to a little store
two miles further whore liquids were sold.
“Have you got any good whisky?” asked
the Judge.
“Waal, I shouldn’t wonder, mister.
There’s some rye that I gin 12 shillin’s a gal
lon tor in New York,”
The fat man said a half pint was
enough. A little beyond was a German’s
house where bait was procured. The fat
man, always on good terms with every
body, patted tho dog on the head and met
with a compound fracture of a $l2 pair of
trousers.
“Maypee negxt time, mine friend, you
vill be introduces! init dot dog.”
The party arrived at the lake, but could
hire no boat. They fished around the edges
for two hours, but caught nothing but snags,
while a woman who hired the Inst boat was
catching bass os fast as she could pull them
in.
“There’s a red-headed woman in that
boat, ‘‘where’s your white horse?” asked
Hamilton.
It was the woman who sat in the same
sent and asked the fat moil if it was hot
enough for him. The fat man is now a firm
believer In Jonahs and mascottes.
The ride home was enlivened by the
Judge telling stories and singing songs,
brought out by the 12-shilling whisky.
Colgate's Cashmere Bouquet.
A white, pure, deliciously scouted toilet
soap, which never roughens tho most deli
cate skin.
Mr. and Mrs. Bowser.
From the Detroit Free Press.
After supper the other evening Mr. Bowser
pulled a lot of statements of account from
his pocKet with great gravity of demeanor,
and spreading them out on the centre-table
be said:
“Mrs. Bowser, do you see these?”
“I do.”
“Do vou know what they are?”
“Why, they are the monthly accounts
from tho grocer’s.”
“Oh, they are! Well, I should say so!
Do you know what this family lias de
voured, wasted and given to the Polacks in
the last month?"
“I know that we have been very economi
cal.”
“Do’you! The grand footing is SO4, Mrs.
Bowser—over #ls per week for a family of
four, and one of them a baby and the other
a hired girl with the dyspepsia! I am no
miser, but I pronounce this an outrage!”
“But I haven’t ordered anything extra,
and I’ve tried to be very careful to buy
close. ”
“Mrs. Bowser, it’s your poor buying and
poor management. You don’t know any
more about running a house than I do of
bossing a steamboat. Either that or else
grocers are swindling mo, and I won’t stand
it. Hereafter I shall do all the buying.”
I gave the cook orders to tell him what
she wanted, and next morning Mr. Bowser
entered upon his duties. The first purchase
lie marie was a bushel of potatoes front a
peddler in front of tbo house He gave
$1 10, and told the man where to carry them.
When he came home to dinner the cook had
to tell him:
"I put that bushel of potatoes into three
peeks, and then cut up the whole lot to get
good ones enough for dinner.”
The first thing to come up from the gro
cery was a consignment of ten cans of
pumpkin. This was followed by fifty pounds
of evaporated apples and one hundred dozen
clothes-pins. As nothing further appeared
the cook boiled some potatoes, made a
pumpkin pie and stewed some of the ap
ples. When we went out to dinner Mr.
Bowser looked around in astonishment.
“Whatdoes this mean?” he finally de
manded.
“Why, it’s all you sent.”
He couldn't gainsay that, and by and by
he explained that he had saved fully $1 50
on his purchases by buying in such quanti
ties.
“You paid 10c. per can for pumpkin,
while I get the lot for 7c.," he went on.
“Thirty cents isn’t very much, but it is as
good to me as to the grocer.”
“Yes, but I bought about one can a
month. You have enough here to last us
three years.”
“But I savod forty cents on the apples,”
he protested.
“We have used just two pounds in the
last six months, Mr. Bowser. At that rate
you have laid in a supply for two years.”
There was a look of terror in his eyes and
he dare not proceed to clothes-pins, nor say
a word about the potatoes.
I went down with him next morning, and
as we halted in front of a grocery he called
out:
“Say, Green, a roast for dinner—two
quarts strawberries —and—yum—say, a
head of cabbage.”
When we had driven away he said to me:
“We were just eleven seconds in front of
that grocery. You’d come down here and
fool away half mi hour to givo the same
order. You’ve got to be right up and down
business with these fellows.”
When we came to sit down to dinner we
had roast pork and strawberries mid boiled
cabbage.
“I want to know what this means!” ex
claimed Mr. Bowser, as he shoved back.
“This is what you ordered, dear, and it
didn't take but eleven seconds. You didn’t
specify the sort of roast you wanted, and
you didn’t tell the cook whether you wanted
the cabbage boiled, fried or baked. You
are running the kitchen, you know?”
He swallowed a few mouthfuls, tried hard
to change the subject, and after dinner he
Went into the kitchen and said to the girl:
“Hannah, I want sweet cakes, tarts, hot
biscuit, raspberries and chipped beef for
supper.”
“Very well, sir.”
“I’ll send up everything as I go down.”
“Yes, sir.”
’About mid-afternoon a grocer’s wagon
delivered a pound of cloves, a pound of cin
namon and a beefsteak. When Mr. Bow
ser came home to supper the cook called
him into the kitchen and said:
“Did you bring the baker’s bread sir?”
“Why no, 1 told you we’d have hot bis
cuit.”
“But I’ve no flour.”
“Then why didn’t j r ou say so?”
“The missus always asks me, and you
didn’t say a word. The lard is also out.”
“But the beef?”
“I can’t chip a raw beefsteak, sir. They
probably misunderstood your order.”
“And the tarts?’
“I had nothing to make ’em of, and in
this country we don’t make sweet cake of
cloves and cinnamon. AVhere’s them
raspberries?”
“I—l forgot ’em!”
Mr. Bowser had the beefsteak,and I worked
away on the ovajtoratod apples and a rem
nant of the pumpkin pie. When we re
tired to the sitting room Mr. Bowser did
some hard thinking for awhile, and then
observed:
“Mrs. Bowser, you are a very poor
buyer. ”
“I presume so.”
“And a very extravagant woman?”
“Yes, dear.”
“But, nevertheless, I cannot permit you
to shirk the responsibilities of a wife and
helpmeet. I’ve gone ahead for the last
three days and shown you that this house
can be run with half trie trouble and ex
pense you have been to, and now I turn it
over to you again. I think you will accept
the lesson,”
I did. I saw by the hills afterward that
it cost him almost #lB for the three days,
and we are holding most of the stuff yet for
a fail gift to some orphan asylum.
The Brand on Cain
was not more fearful than are the marks of
skin diseqpcs, and yet Dr. Fierce’s “Golden
Medical Discovery” is a certain cure for all
of them. Blotches, pimples, eruptions, pos
tules, scaly incrustations, lumps, inflamed
patches, salt-rheum, tetter, boils, carbun
cles, ulcers, old sores, are by its use healed
quickly and permanently.
SHOES.
W. L. DOUGLAS
$3 SHOE.
The only S3 SEAMLESS |j9§nj
Shoe in the world. I
Finest Calf, perfect fit, and / K-l -*-1
warranted. Conor™, Button f/Q {nJ hi
and Lace, all stylos toe. A# Wf to A
■tvllsli arid durable s ijf ol
those costing $-' or PI. A, JXL4M) (pcrA
W. L. DOUGLAS >r .*0 WM-cP i
• 2.50 SHOE excels V , <sl
the *.l Shoes adver- . oAvP J
Used b)
[Name and price stamped on bottom of each
Shoe.)
Boys all wear the W.L. DOUGLAS *2 SHOE..
If yourdmlor does not keep them, send your
name on postal to VV. L. iIOUGLAM, Brock
ton, Muss.
FOR BALE BY
BYCK I3HOS.
SOLE AGENTS,
Sa.Ara.nnixh, - - Gra.
TOILET ARTICLES.
Fine Bath and Toilet Sponges, Flesh
Brushes and Toilet Requisites,
AT
BUTLER’S PHARMACY,
dor. Bull and Cougros Streets.
SWIFT’S SPF.CIFIC.
/
HL.J&.X /*■
11 1 y interest*
CANCER, ye"
Xp' Jr Diseases it
Promptly and most
effectively eradi- Ak J, rS\
* ™,
remedy. , 0
Permanent ' y Cared by
MILLINERY.
rs EwlS i juinei n ; AT
KROUSKOFF'S t
Mammoth Millinery House.
We are now offering immense lines of New Straw Hats,
Ribbons, Feathers, etc., which are now being shipped daily
by our New York buyer, and our Mr. KrouskofT, who is now
North to assist in the selection of the Choicest Novelties in
the Millinery Line. It is astonishing but a fact, that we sell
fine Millinery cheaper than any retail store in New Y r ork. llow
can we do it? Cannot tell. This is our secret and our suc
cess. Perhaps on account of large clearing out purchases or
perhaps from direct shipments from London or Paris—but no
matter so long as the ladies have all the advantages in stock
and prices.
We are now ready for business, and our previous large
stock will be increased, and we are now offering full lines of
fine Milans in White and Colors, for Ladies, Misses and
Children in an endless variety of shapes
RIBBONS, RIBISONS, new novelties added and our regu
lar full line entirely filled out.
We knock bottom out in the price of Straw Goods.
We continue the 'sale of our Ribbons at same prices as
heretofore, although the prices have much advanced.
We also continue to retail on our first floor at wholesale
prices.
B. TCHOTTBTvOTnT.
IRON WORKS.
KEHOE’S IRON WORKS,
Broughton Street, from Reynolds to Randolph Streets,
- - Georgia.
CASTING OF ALL KINDS Xt LOWEST POSSIBLE PRICES.
THE RAPIDLY INCREASING DEMAND FOR OUR
SUGAR MILLS AND PANS
I T AH Induced us to rrm nu fact tire them on a more extensive scale than
Wpnp I 1 ever. To that end no iminw or oxporise lias been spared to muintain
5,34 their HIGH STANARD OF EXCELLENCE.
O These Mills arc of the BEBT MATERIAL ANI) WORKMANSHIP, with
heavy WROUGHT IRON SHAFTS (made long to prevent danger to the
ft Eff operator), and rollers of the i**st charcoal pig iron, all turned up true.
Tnev are heavy, strong and durable, run light and even, and are guaran
teed capable of grinding the heaviest fully matured n jii* w.™ nu >■
fr - * * '.'PtiQ : Vi ~ ulwmß All our Mills arc fully warranted for one year. Cfljj ( t^
Otn the down. iSSSSr
■T/fgvj 3 |x)ssess smooth ness, durability and uniformity of
WE GUARANTEE OUR PRICES TO BE AS LOW AS ANY OFFERED.
A Large Stock Always on Hand for Prompt Delivery.
Win. LCelioe <Nr Cos.
N. B.—The name “ KEHOE’B IRON WORKS,’ is cast on all our Mills and Tana.
ENGINES. BOILERS, ETC.
. , / ’ Engines. Boilers.
• ■ And Machinery of All
Kinds.
Simplest, Safest and Most Durable. All Machinery fully Guaranteed. Reliable Ma
chinery at reasonable prices.
Do not buy without first seeing us, or writing for our prices, naming Just what you want. Address
RICHMOJ&rSrA. | TALBOTT & SONS, Macon, Ga.
J. C. WRAVK’Ri MHnager.
■■■■■ 111,1 ■
DO WIN THEYGO:
MATTINGS AT REDUCED PRICES
AT LINDSAY So MORGAN’S.
IN order to close out our Summer Stock wo are sdlin ■ STRAW MATTING AT VERY LOW
PRICES. MOSQUITO NETS, REFRIGERATORS, BABY CARRIAGES, and all oilier season
able goods
MARKED DOWN TO PANIC PRICES.
BODY BRUSSELS CARPETS at NINETY CENTS A YARD.
Rheumatism and Neuralgia Kept Off by Using Glass Bed Rollers.
Our General Stock is Complete. Call on us Early,
LINDSAY & MORGAN.
Jf>9 and 171 Rrougliton Street,
Vale Royai Manuiacturing Cos.
ga„ <
MANUFACTURERS OF AND DEALERS IN
Sash, Dus, ills, Mis, Pew Ends,
And Interior Finish of all kinds, Mouldings, Balusters, Newel Posts. Estimates, Price Lists, Mould
ing Books, and any information in our line furnished on application. Cypreas, Yellow Pine, Oak,
Ash and Walnut LUMBER on hand and In any quantity, furnished promptly.
VALE ROYAL MANUFACTURING COMPANY, Savannah, Ga
GAS FIXTURES, HOSE, ETC.
JOHN NICOLSON, Jr.
DEALER IN
Gas Fixtures,
GLOBES & SHADES.
PLUMBERS’, MACHINISTS*
AND
Mill Supplies*
ENGINE TRIMMINGS,
Steam X J acking,
SHEET GUM,
Want, Steal and Saction
HOSE.
IRON PIPES AND FITTINGS,
Lift and Force Pumps.
30 and .iti Dravton St.
AGRICULTURAL IMPLEMENTS.
i ii gardes:
Lawn Mowers, Three Sizes,
Ladies’ Garden Hoes,
Hand Plows, Hedge Shears,
Pruninng Scissors and Knives,
Garden Trowels and Weeders,
Fountain Pumps,
Rubber H ose and Reels,
—rOR SALK BY
Palmer Bros
US and 150 Congress Street.
BUTTER.
BEST
Table Butter
%
ONLY
i
25c. per db.
STM IS,
22 and 22 1-2 Barnard St
HAMS.
ASK YOUR GROCER FOP
KHD BREAKFAST BACON.
O JsfS GEIiU INE
**ARINQ OUR PATENTED TRAOI-MANKt, A LIQ>|T
METALLIC) CAL, ATTACHED TO TH* STRiNO, AMO
THK •I Hi PEL) CANVAS, All IN THE MT.
HARDWARE.
EDWARD LOVELL TM.
HARDWARE,
Iron and Turpentine Tools.
Office: Cor. State ant] Whitaker street*.
Wareboure: 138 am] 140 State street.
> RU IT.
PEACHES!
Received in large quanti
ties daily. In packages to
suit all buyers.
For Sale Very Cheap
A. H. CHAMPION.
RUSTLESS IROI PIPE.
EQUAL TO GALVANIZED PIPE, AT
MUCH LESS PRICK.
Weed & Cornwell.
5