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CjplPcrnmgtleiDS
Wornfng News Building, Savannah, Ga.
THURSDAY, DECEMBER 13. 188S.
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INDEX TO NEW ADVERTISEMENTS.
Meetings— Zerubbabel Lodge No. 15, F & A.
M.; Retail Grocers Union; Workingmen's
Benevolent Association.
Bpecial Notice - Bananas and Cocoanuts,
Kavanau.'h & Brennan.
Amusements— “ Two Old Cronies" at the
Theater.
The Windsor Factory—Windsor, Fla.
Elegant— L. &B.S.M. H.
Cheap Column Advertisements— Help Want
ed; Employment Wanted; For Rent; For Sale;
Raffle; Strayed; Lost; Personal; Miscellaneous.
Thefts of diamonds are becoming very
common. Probably many of the diamonds
are Rhinestones.
Col. Elliott F. Shepard’s dogs of war are
still tied to the back fence. Somebody
ought to call his attention to this.
When the southern democrats vote for
high protection, the esteemed republican
organs will quit charging them with intim
idation and fraud. The prospects are that
the republican organs will howl a number
of years more.
It is denied that five United States sen
ators called on Gen. Mahone at Petersburg
the other day to talk politics. The state
ment had a fishy flavor. Why should re
publican statesmen go to see Mahone? He
hasn't been elected Presid nt, or Vice Pres
ident, or even constable.
Senator Matt Ransom, of North Caro
lina, wants to he returned to the Senate,
but two or three other North Carolinians
propose to see that he isn’t. They would
like to get the office themselves. Among
them are ex-Gov. Jarvis, Col. A. M. Wad
dell and Capt. S. B. Alexander.
There is a 13-year-old boy living on a
farm near Titusville, Pa., who wears a No.
8% hat. When he plays, it is said, he is
obliged to abstain from running, as he is
liable to become overbalanced. That Is the
sort of a fellow John L. Sullivan ought to
have engaged for his running match.
Newspapers which said that Congressman
Martin blew out the gas had better make
haste to say that he didn’t. His attack on
the reporter who started the story shows
that his indignation has at last risen to the
fighting pitch. Mr. Martin is a very big
man—physically. Probably he didn’t blow
out the gas.
The first “patriarch’s ball” of the season
was held in New York the other night.
Those who attended it were members of
Ward McAllister's 400, and it is said they
represented over $300,000,000. Mrs. Paran
Stevens and Mrs. Cornelius Vanderbilt bad
$130,000 and $40,000, respectively, invested
in necklaces.
Secretary Whitney has spoken concerning
the rumors connected with his future
actions. He says he does not waut to be
governor of New York; that he doesn’t
want any public office whatever, and that
what he really hankers after is a life out
side of politics. A good many people have
accused the Secretary of being a good man
for President in 1892, and probably by that
time he will have had enough of private
life.
The widow of the late Anarchist Par
sons has returned to this country from
England, where she engaged in a lecture
tour on the doctrines which led to the exe
cution of Parsons. She wore a smiling
countenance,', a handsome new silk dress
and a love of anew bonnet when she landed
in New York, and her sympathizers in an
archy, who met her, came to the conclusion
that she had made a very good thing out of
her lectures.
Ex-Gov. Bullock denies, in the New York
Tribune , that be has been selected by Gen.
Harrison to distribute tbo federal patronage
in Georgia. If he should be selected, how
ever, he says he would recommend for office
competent people, without regard to pre
vious political affiliation, color or nativity.
It baa been stated also that Maj. J. F. Han
son, of Macon, would be the distributor of
patronage. Georgians will probably hesi
tate to believe that Maj. Hanson would
occupy that position.
The republican organs pretend to think
that the democrats are opposed to an investi
gation of recent election frauds, because Mr.
Clevo’and’s contribution to the democratic
campaign fund might be discussed. Mr.
Cleveland contributed to the campaign
fund, he made no secret of having done so,
and the committee did not try to prevent
the fact from becoming known. His re
publican predecessors contributed to cam
paign funds, and nobody thought less of
them for It. Ob! no—the democrats don’t
mind having that matter discussed. Dis
cuss it exhaustively if you wish, but don’t
let a discussion interfere with an investiga
tion of Quay’s and Dudley's corrupt prac
tiSH,
Savannah Harbor Improvement.
Savannah harbor will probably get a very
small 'appropriateon in the pending river
and harbor bill. From present indications,
the appropriation, as it will appear in the
bill when reported to the House, will be for
dredging. It is of the utmost importance
that it should be applied to the 2S-foot
improvement.
The river and harbor committee says that
it has not time to consider new projects. It
doesn’t appear ever to have considered any
thing very seriously, though it has been
careful to provide handsomely for the
rivers and harbors which are in the districts
of it members.
Last winter it declined to make an appro
priation for the Savannah harbor 28-foot
improvement 1 >ecause it hadn't time to con
sider new projects, and it gives the same
excuse this winter for not making an appro
priation for that improvement. Last
winter, however, it considered anew
project for the I’hiladelpliia harbor for
which no estimates had been submitted
when congress convened. That project
called for $3,000,000, and it received a very
handsome appropriation to begin with.
The committee's excuse, therefore, that it
) adn’t time to consider new projects was
not a valid one.
But the 28-foot improvement in the Sa
vannah harbor is not anew project. It is
cnly a continuation of the old project, and
it is made necessary by the increasing
demands of the port. TV hen the 22-foot
improvement was begun it was not thought
ti at the commerce of Savannah would
grow to 6uch immense proportions, nor
that vessels of such deep diaft would seek
her wharves. The 22 foot improvement is
about completed, but it does not meet the
demands of Savannah’s commerce. Deeper
water is absolutely necessary. Commerce
is now greatly obstructed for the want
of it.
The government would save hundreds of
thousands of dollars by beginning the
2S-foot improvement at once, because the
money now on hand for the 22-foot improve
ment could be applied in such a way as to
advance that improvement. The river and
harbor committee, however, is not anxious
to cultivate economy. Its chief aim appa
rently is to get its bill through congress
with as little trouble as possible, at the
same time looking out for those public im
provements which are in the districts of its
respective members.
It looks now as if Savannah would have
to call upon the Senate and Senator Brawn
for help. Senator Brown has the credit of
having secured recognition for the 22-foot
improvement, and of having obtained au
thority for the survey and estimates for the
28-foot improvement. If he will give the
latter improvement a start by getting the
first appropriation for it, however small it
may be, he will place Savannah under still
greater obligations.
The Branch Colleges.
There is some opposition in the legislature
to the oppropnations proposed for the tech
nological school and the branch colleges.
There is a pretty strong feeling that these
Institutions ought to take care of them
selves.
The technological school is anew institu
tion and has begun well. It was established
by the state, and it was understood that it
should have state aid. It should bo sustained
by the state until its usefulness has been
shown and it has secured a firm hold upon
the good will of the people. It should then
be made self supporting. In a very few
years it will become so popular that parents
will willingly pay tuition fees that will
enable it to do without state aid.
The branch colleges have no such claim
upon the state as the technological school
has. Indeed, it is doubtful if they have any
claim at all that the state is under obliga
tions to recognize. No one of them reaches
the dignity of a college, and there is no
probability that any one of them will ever
become a much more important institution
than it is at present. There is, therefore, no
more reason why the state should aid them
than there is that she should aid a similar
institution in every county in the state.
They are good schools and they are doiug a
good work, but those who enjoy their
benefits should support them. The money
that is given them should go toward the
support of the public schools.
Those who want a better education than
is afforded by the public schools should pro
vide the means of getting it. They should
not look to the state for it —at least not
until the state has provided a common
school system that will afford all of her
children a chance to get such an education
as common schools afford. Wnon the state
has done that, she can afford to be generous
and lend aid to branch colleges.
Pensions for Ex-Confederatea
There seems to be a disposition in several
southern states to increase the appropria
tions for maimed confederate soldiers. In
Georgia it has been proposed to appropriate
$130,000 annually, instead of SOO,OOO, for
them. In North Carolina there is a very
strong sentiment in favor of an increase.
If these and other states do not provide
as|gonerously us their finaucos permit for this
class of citizens, they should do so at the
earliest opportunity. No southern state
can fail to vote reasonable pensions to
maimed ex-soldiers without being open to
tho charge of ingratitude.
Soldiers on the southern side of the late
war—tho revolution, Dr. Havgood calls it —
who lost their property and their health in
tho cause, returned home to retrieve their
fortunes, but very few of them have suc
ceeded even partially. Much the greater
numlier of them are able to make only a
very scant living, and if they receive any
help, it comes from private sources or
from their states.
The south bears her part of the heavy
pension burden created by congress, and at
the same time she must provide for her own
ex-soldiers. Although she boars a double
pension burden, she should not hesitate to
increase that part of it which is borne in
behalf of her needy veterans. The south is
better able now to help these soldiers than
she has ever been, and while the opportunity
lasts she ought to do wbat she can for them.
Tho anarchist Sabbath schools in Chicago
are queer institutions. Almost everything
except religion is taught in thorn. A
special study is made of rivers of blood,
intended to bo turned through the streets
of Chicago. Mr. Medill, of the Tribune,
should write an article demanding that
nothing but the Shorter catechism bo
taught in the Hubhath schools.
Anderson Howard (colored), of Columbus,
Ga, has been encouraged, by tho views of
various colored republicans iu the south, to
tell what he thinks of politics. He says that
he is a republican; that the elections in tho
south aro free from intimidation or unfair
nas> of auy kind, aud that his race is well
treated. Of course Howard is right.
THE MORNING NEWS: THURSDAY. DECEMBER 13,1888.
The Legislature and the Schools.
Representative Gordon, of this county, is
in sympathy with the growing conviction
among the progressive people of Georgia
that the greatest Deed of the state now is a
better system of public schools. He stated
in the legislature. Tuesday, that Georgia
was now the banner state for illiteracy,
and this statement ought to cause every
Georgian to blush for his state.
Georgia is now in a good financial condi
tion, and the people are able to bear heavier
taxes for school purposes. There are thous
ands of white boys and girls in the state
who cannot read and write, and tens of
thousands of colored ones. In some locali
ties there are no schools worth mentioning,
and nowhere outside of the twwns are the
public schools open more than three months
in the year. No one who has a cor
rect appreciation of the advantages
of a common school education
will admit that such a short period is suf
ficient. It isn’t long enough to get the chil
dren interested in their lessons. The great
majority of them forget what they learn
during one school term before another be
gins.
Dr. Clark, at the conference in Milledge
ville, the other day, said that millions of
dollars were being spent in the south annu
ally by northern people to educate colored
children, aud he pointed out that if the
white people neglected to give their chil
dren a fair share of education, they would
see the colored people taking the lead in
which required a fair share of edu
cation.
The people of this state should wake up to
the fact that education means wealth and
progress, and that without it there is cer
tain to be poverty and all the evils that are
so closely associated with ignorance. There
should be a special school tax, large enough,
with the present school fund, to keep the
schools open at least six months each year.
No taxpayer would miss the additional
taxes he would be required to pay, and the
benefits he would receive would far out
weigh the additional tax burden. It is
gratifying that the legislature seems to be
realizing its responsibility with respect to
educational matters.
An Unjust Criticism.
Several of the leading republican jour
nals, while commending the Birmingham
sheriff for resisting the mob of lynchers,
take occasion to say that the sheriff’s action
will have a good effect in the south, where,
they allege, lynch law prevails to an alarm
ing extent. It is true that the taking of a
prisoner from the possession of the officers
of the law and lynching him is not an un
known tiling in the south, but as a matter
of fact, are there more lynchings in the
south than ia the north? These journals, in
their haste to criticise tho south unjustly,
do not have a proper regard
for the truth. How long has it been since a
mob burned tho court house in the great
city of Cincinnati and pillaged the town
because of the alleged corrupt condition of
the courts ? How long has it been since in
Oregon scores of Chinamen were shot to
death because they had incurred the hos
tility of their white neighbors i Tho news
papers contain about as many accounts of
lynchings in the north as in the south. Mob
violence is not confined to any section.
Whenever a horrible crime is committed,
whatever the locality may be, thero is a
desire to see the criminal punished imme
diately, and if the proper restraint is not
exercised, the mob spirit is pretty certain
to show itself, particularly if there happens
to be present aggressive leaders. There is
no doubt that where punishment of crimi
nals is swift, the mob spirit is less liable to
become ugly, but the punishment of crimi
nals is not more swift in the north than in
the south.
The example of tho Birmingham sheriff
will have a good effect in tne north as well
as the south. It will encourage other sher
iffs to do their duty, and when it becomes
understood that lynch law cannot be re
sorted to with safety, it will not be resorted
to at all, except in exceptional cases.
The purpose in checking lynchings is not
so much to protect criminals against mob
vengenee as to compel respect for the law.
Unless tho law is upheld there cannot be or
ganized society. If the lawless element
were permitted to have its way,there would
soon be anarchy.
The political complexion of the next House
is not yet settled, and if the Washington
correspondent of the New York Times is
right, Messrs. McKinley, Reed. Burrows
and the other republican aspirants for the
speakership are exerting themselves unnec
essarily. According to his statement, the
unofficial list of members gives tho republi
cans a majority of five, but in this list the
seat from the disputed Tennessee district is
giveii to the republicans, and two of the
four West Virginia districts are givon to
the same party. West Virginians assert,
however, that three democrats out of four
havo been elected from that state, and if a
certificate should be issued to the democrat
in Tennessee, the House would stand 1(53
republicans and 162 democrats. It lias been
stated also that the democrats elected the
entire West Virginia delegation. If such
should be the case, and if Bate should be re
turned from Tennessee, the democrats
would have a majority of one. It has
become quito evident that the republicans
will not have the majority Chairman
Quay has been claiming.
The Garrett side of Dr. Gorter’s suit for
$30,000 for attending Mr. Robert Garrett
seven months has been given. It is as fol
lows; Dr. Gorter, upon leaving the Garrett
party in Berlin, was requested to make
known the amount of his bill. Ho did not
do so, bowover, at that time, but subse
quently wrote that ho charged $25,000.
Mr. Garrett’s representative thought the
charge excessive, and afterward consulted
New York physicians, and was told by
them that $5,000 and expensos was enough.
About this time Dr. Dorter proposed to
have the dispute settled by referring it to
three eminent physicians, but before the
final arrangements were made he withdrew
his proposition and instituted suit. It is
very probable that ho would have been
satisfied with a much smaller sum if Mr.
Garrett were not wealthy.
The young lady who was very recently
married to Hawes, the suspected Birming
ham murderer, has been interviewed by a
New York newspaper. The interview was
short, but it was to the point. The young
lady said that if Hawes is guilty, no fato
can be too harsh for him, and that, after
the rruol manner in which ho has deceived
her, she cannot believe his protestations of
innocence. Probably Hawes is a bad man,
but he is entitled to a fair trial.
Congressman Scott, of l'eunsylvania,
appears to be the special target of tbe re
publican organs, aside from Mr. Cleveland.
This is positive evidence that Mr. fcjcott is
an able and successful democrat. i
CURRENT COMMENT.
Couldn’t Be Spared.
From the Nashville American ( Oem .)
Editor Shepard of the New York Mail and
Express wants to be minister to England. < )h,
no: When we have a good thin? like Shepard,
why should we not keep it? If any of the Brit
ishers want to see it, let them come over.
Not Famous for Resigning. *
From the Washington Post (Dem.)
It is reported that Senator Joe Brown of
Georgia will retire at an early date. This will
give Gov. (Jordon and Editor Grady an opportu
nity to lock horns. It may be remarked in this
connection, however, that Senator Brown is not
a man who has made himself famous as a re
linquisher.
Entitled to a Fair Trial.
From the New York Timet (Ind.)
There was not the slightest excuse for the at
tack on the jail at Birmingham, and no extenu
ation for the conduct of the men who joined in
the mob. The allege' 1 murderer. Hawes, may
have been guilty of a most atrocious crime, but
he was entitled to a fair trial, with a strict ob
servance of all the forms of law.
And the Monopolist Planked Down.
Emm the New York Evening Post dud.)
“I'd like to know who of us is getting any
more out of the tariff than you are. You
ought to be ashamed of yourself not to comp
down with more than that." Such was the re
mark made by one of the manufacturers who
“get practically the sole benefit of the tariff
laws” to another, at a little gathering in a New
England city called for the purpose of raising
money for the republican campaign fund, with
the especial object of buying Connecticut for
Harrison. The derelict manufacturer saw the
point, and immediately trebled his subscription
BRIGHT BITa.
Bridget- Is all the elections over fur this
year, Patrick?
Patrick—Oi’m thinkin' they are, Biddy.
Sorry a one o’ the political swells hez lifted
his hat to me fur a wake.—P7< iladelphia Record.
“Who was that girl with you yesterday after
noon, McCrackle?”
“She is one of the most popular girls in town,
Cumso."
“Indeed:"
“Yes, she has more ‘callers’ than any ether
girl, in fact. She is tne telephone girl at ‘Cen
tral I’ ” — Draiee's Magazine.
Jinks—Johnson wants to borrow £lO from
me. Is he good for that amount?
Blinks -Yes, with proper securities.
Jinks—What would you suggest?
Blinks—A chain and padlock, a pair of hand
cuffs, and a dog. That would be enough, I
think, to hold him.— London Tid-Bits.
After their return—The Baronet—l see
there has been a great tire in New York.
The Lady Frances—ln New York? Fancy!
We saw New Y’ork. didn’t we?
The Baronet—Why. of course, my dear. We
were there a week. Don’t you remember an
enormous town with ash barrels and garbage in
front of the houses?— Life.
Mrs. Gosfiley (tremulously)—Does the doctor
give us any hope. Mary?
Mary (joyously)—Yes, ma’am. He says the
worst is over and Mr. Goshley will recover.
Mrs. Goshley (tearfully)—Go down to Yardley
& Ribbons anil tell them not to send that
sealskin sack. I had hoped the life insurance
would pay for it.— Lowell Citizen.
The Glass of Fashion—“Ah,” said Mr. Scour
plate grimly, as he adjusted bis necktie, “We
‘ave to put hup with the airs of these society
people all day; but when evennink comes, me
boy, they show wot the truly genteel is by
puttink on the dress that we wear all day:”
“That's so,” repiied Mr. Crumbcloth, with a
grave nod. “You ‘ave a great ‘ead, Tummis;
we waiters be the real leaders of fashion.— Life.
“I can only be a sister to you George; uothing
more."
“I'm afraid that won't do. Miss Clara. I have
five grown sisters already, and, to tell you the
truth. 1 they are not favorably disposed toward
you; they think a match with you would be the
mistake of my life.”
“In that case, George,” said the girl, drawing
herself up with haughty grace, “you may name
the day."— Sew York Bun.
Waiter (tooustoraer about to leave the res
taurant) —You've forgotten something haven’t
you?
Customer—Tguess not. I‘ve got my overcoat,
cano and hat. What have I forgot?
Waiter (extending his hand)—The tip, if you
please, sir.
“I had fowl for dinner, didn't I?"
“Yes, sir."
“Well, according to the new base ball rules,
there are to be no more fow l tips. Good dasL ’ ’
Texas Siftings.
“You see that well dressed man just pass
ing?”
“The one to whom everybody bows?”
“Yes.”
“Well, what of him?”
“Why, thirteen years ago that man hadn't
enough money to pay his board; to-day he is
worth $2,000,000.”
“How did he make it?"
“He didn't make*R; he stole it; but he's got
it, just the same.”
“Introduce me."— Burdette.
PERSONAL
Mme. Patti-Nicolini is tired of living in Wales,
and she intends to buy the castle of Chemon
ceaux, France, the property of the Wilson
family,
James Russell Lowell is living with his ‘sis
ter at Boston, and will probably stay there all
winter. He has lieen invited to deliver a course
of lectures at Philadelphia.
The marriage of the daughter of Mr. Law
rence Barrett, the great tragedian, to Mr.
Joseph Anderson, a brother of Miss Mary An
dersun, will take place in Boston on Jan. 3.
Miss Rose Elizabeth Cleveland, who has
been living at Holland patent for sometime
past, will probably accept the urgent invitation
of President and Mrs. Cleveland to visit them
at the White House during the wiuter.
The marriage of Miss Louise Drexefof Phila
delphia. and E. D. Morrell, a talented
young lawyer of that city, will be solemnized
with ail the pomp of Catholic ritual in Ger
many. Miss Drexel has recently purchased a
beautifu 1 place adjoining the estate of Torres
dale, in Bucks county, Pennsylvania, where
they will reside after their return from abroad.
Queen Victoria is said to be greatly angered
by some of the published passages in the mem
oirs of the Duke t f Saxe-Goburg-Gotha. Among
these are certain private letters of tbe late
Prince Consort, especially the one attacking
Lord Palmerston. She is also displeased by the
reference to Napoleon 111. and the Empress
Eugeuie, who is numbered among her most inti
mate personal friends.
Says a Washington correspondent: “During
the past summer Mrs. James Brown Potter's
mother, Mrs. Urquhart, has resided at Dobb’s
Kerry with her granddaughter, Mrs. Potter’s
only child, who is now 12 years of age. It would
seem from all accounts that extravagance was
an inherited trait in the family, as Mrs. Urqu
hart recently declared that she found her pres
ent income (s?ou a month) wholly insufficient to
live upon in this country, and has. therefore,
decided to go abroad.” From property in New
Orleans Mrs. James Brown Potter has an in
come of $5,000 a year.
There is living in the town of Durham, Conn.,
an old Indian squaw who is the last living rep
resentative of the Matabesset tribe of Indians,
which bad its hunting grounds in the town
ships of Middletown, Middle-field, Haddain,
Durham and Madison. The name of the squaw
is Mrs. Beaumont. She is 90 years of age and
six feet tall. Her present name she took from
a negro whom she married. She has high
cheek-bones, a bronze complexion and straight
black hair. She thinks nothinfe of walking six
teen miles a day. She lives on what she can
raise on an eighth of an acre of ground.
Laura Jean Liiibev says, in answer to an
item in the Boston HeraUl of recent date, that
Boston Is her strongest point. More copies of
“Miss MlddleWin s Lover. ' and also of that still
spicy novel, "A Forbidden Marriage.'' were sold
in Boston than in any other city in the union
save New York. Another immense order for
“A Forbidden Marriage" has been filled this
week for Boston. Furthermore. Miss Libbey is
in receipt of upward of 100 letters from ladies
and gentlemen of the “Athens of America,”
praising in glowing terms the two aforeinen
tioned novels. Think of that, ye cultivated
bean eaters 1
The Enquirer of Cincinnati, 0., has discov
ered In that city a whistler who rivals Mrs.
Shaw. Her name is Lucille Elston. Says the
Enquirer: “Mlsn Elston is scarcely more than
18 years old, and is a graduate of Notre Dame
College. In addition to graduating with hon
ors in her other studies, she was awarded the
first g ild medal for the lies', public examination
in the theory and practice of music, her average
living lilt per cent. According to tbe statement
of her mother. Lucille could whistle before she
could talk When she grew into girlhood, her
iwrcnis tried to break the habit, hut with bad
results. Bbe continued to whistle, and when
she began Iter studies in music, found it a great
nelp or late years she has practised whistling
instead of singing.”
** ‘Brown’s Bronchial Troches' are excellent
for the relief of Hoarseness or Bora Throat.
They are exceedingly effective."— Christian
World, London, Lay.
“WE’VE LOST THE HOUSE."
How a Queer Story was Started Down
at the Capital.
From the Washington Post.
Col. Staley, of the Courier Journal, is seek
mg to rectify an error. One night before the
complexion of the Fifty-first congress had been
decided,he went home and was met by his wife.
“Well,” she asked, “what's the news?”
“We’ve lost the House,” he replied, sadly.
“Are you sure?” she went on.
“Not positive; but every indication points
that way.”
His little boy and girl overheard the talk and
looked at each other inquiringly and at their
parents, but said nothing.
A day or so liter the colonel was shocked to
learn that all his republican neighbors were
talking about him. and telling it around that
Col. Stealey had gone over to New York be
fore the election to bet on Cleveland, and that
he had lost his house as the result of his reck
lessness.
The kids had told the story without suspect
ing there was any other house to lose than their
own.
This is the error the colonel wishes to rectify.
He didn’t bet at all; he never bets.
Tirei of Cabinet Making:.
From the St. Paul Pioneer-Press.
A sad eyed, dejected-looking man sat on a
nail keg in a country store down in the center
of the state. A drummer from St. Paul, having
finished bis business with the proprietor, ac
costed the lugubrious individual and inquired
the cause of his woe.
“Ob, I don’t somehow seem to be of any use
in this world,” replied the man.
“How so?”
“I don’t seem to catch on like the rest of
folks.”
’’What are you trying to catch on to?"
“Politics."
"Politics, eh?” Been trying to construct a
cabinet, rnebbe?”
“Yes, I’ve made a cabinet. It’s this,” and
the disconsolate man drew a greasy sheet of
legal cap from his p -eket and read the follow ing:
For Secretary of State—Me.
For Secretary of the Treasury—John.
For Secretary of the Interior—Em’ly’s hus
band.
For Attorney-General—Dan Sanders, brother
in-law of mine.
For Secretary of War Pete, my brother.
For Secretary of the Navy—Me, at odd spells,
when I ain’t Secretaryin’ of State.
For Postmastei-General—’Rastus Hawkins,
nephew of mine.
“Well, isn't that a first class cabinet?"
“Fair. I sent it to Gen. Harrison, but he
won’t have it.”
“How do you know?”
“Oh, I know he won’t. He don’t feel under
obligation enough. I sent it soon's he was
’lected, an’ I ain’t heard a blamed word from it
since. It’s no use, I tell you; I'm an unfort
unate, and don’t care a durn whether another
'lection comes off again or not.”
An Experience in Berlin.
From the New York Tribune.
American girls who live abroad unchap- roned
are often sujected to in -ignities of a startling
kind, it is not usual, however, that a cibman
furnishes material fo" a gossipy story; yet. one
young woman has hail an adventure with a man
of this clasi which she will not soon forget, she
is the daughter of a prominent politician who
has held many offices of distinction, and is
spending the season in i.erlm. Calling a car
riage, in the early hours of the morning after
a brilliant ball, the young woman started home,
it is cusli mary in Berlin, when sending a
girl home in a cab. to require a ticket which
the jehu is compelled to give, upon which are
his number and the price of the trip and which,
in case of any accident, can be used in evidence.
The escort of the American girl had neglected
his. The journey led her through a lonely
part of the Tniergarten, where even in daytime,
people seldom walk. When in the darkest
corner the cab su tdenly stopped, the driver de
scended from his box. opened the door and thus
addressed the young lady: “Miss, I have often
heard that a kiss from the high ladies tastes bet
ter than one from our people, and I am going
to know- for myself.”
With that, he stretched out his hands, covered
with their buckskin gloves, clasped the girl
about the neck, and drew her, screaming, toward
him. Resistance was impossible, her cries were
unheard, and the coachman's lips touched her
own. With the aggravating remark, “Not a
bit!” he closed the door, and continued the
journey, assisting bis victim to alight when the
destination was reached. The young lady
rushed into the house, not waiting to pay her
fare, and spent hours scrubbing her lips. She
had no means of identifying the scoundrel and
he escaped unpunished.
Under the Plum J ree.
From the Columbus Dispatch.
Behold the office-seekers come
And 'neath the Dip tree gather,
Aud doo3 each want the biggest Dlum?
Well rather.
Big plums! Little plums!
Rich and ripe and rare.
Oh! don't they look tempting
As they hang up there f
Big plums! Little plums!
Every size aud shape.
They'll soon come a tumbling;
Don't let one escape!
The fun's begun! Upon my soul.
What jostlin' and what tloutiu'!
And does each claim the longest pole?
You're shoutin’.
Long polos! Short poles!
Slashin' right and left.
Some with aim most
Some with aim most deft.
Long poles! Short Df.les!
Boys, roll tip your sleeves!
If you don't get plums, at
Least you can get leaves.
What Literary Societies Are For.
From Time.
"Oh, Mrs. Watts, you should join our literary
society!”
“Should 1?”
“Yes, indeed! We study and learn so much.
Last meeting we took up Carlyle's quarrels with
his wife.’’
“It must have been interesting.”
"Very. Next, meeting wo shall investigate the
private life of Goethe and his love alTairs. - ’
“How instructive!”
“Yes, and we have found out everything
about Poe’s dissipation and disreputable con
duct, and purpose soon to investigate thor
oughly the immoral actions of Voltaire.”
"Indeed!”
“Oh, there's nothing like a literary society to
increase one's culture. You ought to join.”
A Genuine Grass Widow.
From the Springfield Republican.
It was dusk one evening, ana in the church
yard of a northern village the parish sexton
noticed a woman. She approached with stealthy
step a grave in which a man had been buried,
and the sexton, thinking her manner somewhat
strange, followed her. When she arrived at the
grave she took a handful of grass seeds from
her reticule and sprinkled them upon the earth
“Ah, grass will grow there soon enough, mum,”
said the old sexton. "Yes, I dare say it will,”
replied the woman; “but my dear husband
when he died made me promise not to marry
again until the grass grew upon his grave. To
tell you the truth, I have just had a good offer,
and as I don’t mind how soon the grass grows 1
thought there would be no harm in sowing some
seeds.’’ She was a grass widow in earnest.
Income From the Weighing’ Machine.
From the Few York Star.
“Beating our weighing machines must keep a
good many people awake at night,” said a
manufacturer who has some forty of those
catch penny devices out. “We have to keep a
man busy taking out buttons, medals, bits of
lead, nails and other trash which idiots put into
the slot to sesif the thing will work. A man
will spend f,O cents’ worth of time in cheating
our machine out of a 5-cent weigh. And it
takes half our profits to repair the damage.
How much does a machine turn in* It depends
entirely on the location. If I could have one in
the middle of the stock exchange floor and keep
the boys from monkeying with It, I could retire
from business, in a fair stand the automatic
weighing machine will turn in s.’l a day. They
cost about Slot) to make.
How Bhe Pleased Him.
Mncfarland in the Philadelphia Record.
A girl in Washington married a very particu
lar amt exacting young man six months ago
Her girl friends predicted at the time that she
would fail to satisfy him and that consequently
they would not live together six months. That
period having elapsed and there being no evi
dent signs of any seiiarat lon between the happy
pair, the girl's friends felt called upon to visit the
young wife and ass her how she had managed
to please the man who had never lieen known to
be pleased before. Mustering all their impu
donee they called upon her in a body and asked
her for her secret. “What is the recipe, " they
asked. ”We may need It.” “Well, I'll tell
you,” she replied; "if you'll never tell— feed the
brute."
Imperative.
From the Cartoon.
Jonesby~Bay, Bmithkin, let me have $lO,
will your
Bmithkin - Well- rnally - dear boy—l
Joneaby—Oh, yvn. I kuow. Your wlfo's been
nick, and youve had blsr doctor'* bill* to nay
and blfb rents, and you've got nay mm t* to
make, and all that, but J let you have $lO last
summer, ami now l waut it. I
ITEMS OF INTEREST.
A cow broke into a Brooklyn oyster dealer's
establishment last Monday night, and devoured
eight quarts of raw oysters before she was dis
covered.
An ostrich escaped from one of the Cali
fornia ostrich farms, swam a river, and gave
the horseman a run of twenty-seven miles be
fore he was captured.
Mrs. Sarah Barnett of Lafayette, Va., took
to her bed forty years ago and has not left it
since. Her appetite is good, as well as her
general health, but she suffers from au injury
of the spir.e.
J. H. Moss of Coldwater, Micb.. has raised
4,000 pounds of horse radish this year, and ex
pects to raise five times as much next season.
He runs a factory, where the job of grinding
and bottling is per for rued.
There are in New York city with its 1,600.000
population only 100,000 members of Christian
churches. Tiiere are in all 855 evangelical
churches, or 1 to every 4.500 inhabitants, while
there are 10,000 saloons, or 1 to every 100.
An elevator in a New Hampshire factory
stopped suddenly, the engineer having shut off
the steam, and the lad who was riding on it be
came so frightened lest it should fall that he
was attacked with heart disease and died.
A Tennessee salesman has been cut out by
his father, a widower, who has married the
girl to whom his son was engaged. There are
many occurrences that more readily excuse the
quotation of that phrase about the most un
kindest cut.
For the first time since the death of her hus
band, King Alfonso, in 1885, the queen regent
went to the opera in Madrid on Nov. 16, in com
pany with Queen Pia of Portugal. After a long
and sore trial, Christina is very popular in
Spain and her reappearance was greeted with
great satisfaction.
Progressive journalism has exponents in
England. The Newcastle Chronicle on a recent
day, when it appeared with two blank spaces in
its leading columns, explained: “We are mo
mentarily expecting Mr. Bright to die. and we
leave these open spaces as typographical graves
in which to insert the news without the loss of a
moment;”
British reform has brought to light a for
gotten personage known as “Chaff Wax.” His
real title should be chafe wax, and his duty was
the preparation of wax for fitting the writs
issued from the court of chancery and for the
official seals. He has long drawn a salary for
doing nothing, but has at last been found out,
aud will be abolished.
Katie Josie, a remarkably fine looking Bos
ton girl, has fallen in love with Sam Kee, a
Chinese laundryman of that city. She first met
him at his laundry, and it was a case of love at
first sight. They are going to New Y’ork this
week to be married in real Chinese fashion,
after which Sam’s pretty wife w ill preside over
the financial department of her husband's Bos
ton laundry.
Edwan A. Barber of West Chester, Pa., who
is an antiquarian, has just procured a Chinese
hank note of the fourteenth century. It is a
note of tne Ming dynasty, made of a fibrous
paper of a gravish color, covered with Chinese
characters. Sir. Barber says that there are
only two specimens of this note beside his in
existence, one being in the imperial museum at
St. Petersburg.
The AVinnemucca (Nev.) Silver Slat * gives the
following instance of Piute surgery: Piute
Charley, who attempted suicide by shooting
himself in the head a few days ago, is reported
out of clanger. Natehes, who has had much ex
perience m Pmte surgery, sucked the bullet out
of the wound. The ball struck the right cheek
bone and plowed its way through the front part
of the head, lodging under the eye in the left
cheek.
George Heat*i of Rangeley, Me., set a bear
trap near Spotted mountain, and one morning
the trap and clog were gone. He followed the
trail easily, for the bear that had got caught
was so strong that trees of considerable size
were bent aside or chewed through when they
were in the way. Finally Mr. Heath came to
the trap, but there was no bear. He had gone,
but he left in it the largest bear’s foot that Air.
Heath ever saw, aud he has caught many bears.
It has been estimated that an average of five
feet of water falls annually over the whole
earth. Supposing that condensation takes place
at an average height of 8,000 feet, remarks Gen.
Strachey, the force of evaporation to supplv
such rainfall must equal the lifting of 82,000,000
pounds of water 3,000 feet in every minute, or
about 300,000,000 horse power constantly ex
erted. Of this great energy a very small part
is transferred to the waters that run back
ibrough rivers to the sea, and a still smaller
fraction is utilized by man: the remainder is
dissipated in space.
The unbred politeness which springs from
right he-rtedness is of no exclusive rank or sta
tion. Robert Burns was once taken to task by
a young Edinburgh blood with whom he was
walking, for recognizing an honest farmer in
the open street. “Why, you fantastic gonier
eli.” exclaimed Burns, ' it was not the great
coat, the scone bonnet and the Saunder’s boot
hose that I spoke to, but the man that was with
them, and the man, sir, for true worth, would
weigh down you and me, and ten more such,
any day.” There may lie homeliness in exter
nals. which may stem vulgar to Those who can
not discern the heart beneath, but to the right
minded character will always have its clear in
signia.
Some men digging in an old road in Lowell,
Me., came to a peculiarly reddish spot in which
they found three sharp chisels and a gouge, all
of stone They lay pointing one way, and
were probably burSd there with some warrior
of the Penobscot tribe of Indians. Interesting
relics of these Indians are constantly being un
earthed. There is a point of laud on the Penob
scot river, opposite Mattawamkeag, where un
numbered spear heads and arrow heads and
stone axes have been found; and it is said that
on that spot the Penobscots fought a great
buttle with their old enemies, the Mohawks,
utterly routing them, and thus ending a long
series of wars for the mastery of the hunting
grounds of that country.
“Jarndyce vs. Jarndyce” sinks into com
parativo insignificance, say* the New York
World, beside the patent infringement suit of
the Webster Loom Company against Messrs
Higgins, the carpet manufacturers. An ac
counting has b-cu rendered on the judgment
secured by the plaintiffs, who sued for almost
s3o,ooo,ikW, and they have been awarded—noth
ing One of the defendants, both of their
original counsel and one who was called into
the case later, the patentee of the infringement,
and t wo inventors who improved upon it and ali
the defendants' original experts, are dead. The
president of the plaintiff company has sunk his
fortune in the suit and the inventor of the in
fringed mechanism finds sixteen years of en
deavor come to naught.
The recent sale of Frank E. Daggett’s share
in the Amulet (Silver mine, near Preicott, Ariz.,
recalls the manner of its discovery. In June,
1880, Daggett was climbing the side of Lynx
c r. ek mountain w.th a prospector s outfit on
his shoulder. He was on his wav to a gold
bearing quartz claim on the other side of the
mountain. Half wav up he stopped to rest,
and after a nap picked up his tools end was
about to slart. .lust then his pick slipped from
his grasp and in falling struck Ins leg. hurting
him extremely. He grabbed the pick and stuck
it into the earth with all his strength, swearing
tb-t it might slay there lorever. After a
while the sharp pain ceased and Daggett
changed his mind and thought he'd take the
pick He pulled it from the earth with difficulty
and with it some shining metal. He had suck
the pick into a blind ledge, wh ek is now the
Amulet mine, aud from which thousands of
dollars of ore have been shipped.
President Eliot, of Harvard, is the victim
of a practical joke, for which some mis
chievous studeuts were doubtless respou
sible. The other day it reached Pre
sident Eliot’s ears that many cards had
been issued to people of all classes of
society, inviting them to a reception at his
home. He was dumtounded, and hurried to
the newspaper offices to deny his responsibility
for the iuvitatioiiß. He likes a joke as well as
the next one, but be wanted to show the recipi
ents of the cards the annoyance that would
surely follow an acceptance of the same. The
cards of invitation were engraved for
tlie express purpose of annoying Presi
dent Eliot. The date is filled in with ink, there
fore it is possible that the unknown person who
had the engraving done intends to send out an
other lot, in the future, wlieu people slmll have
forgotten that the trick has once tieen played.
President Eliot says that an advertisement, set
ting forth that he desired to engage a servant,
has lately been published in a Boston paper, re
suiting in answers by forty or fifty applicants
for ths place. He takes the matter good
naturedly. If his unknown enemies imped to
torment him, they have shot wide of the mark.
They have tried to deceive the newspapers by
sending to the editors invitations to the recep
tion, expsctlng thereby to cause the publication
of an announcement that there Is to bes recep
tion.
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None of these contain a single article which
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Coffeevillk, Miss, February 20,1888.
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■fight bottles. I was completely cured, and bcs
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r duty tc you and suffering humanity to make
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Montport House, Wills Point, Texas. *
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and caused us to despair of her 1. She was
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We finally gave her Swift's Specific, which
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anywhere. - E. V. Dels.
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