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IMPORTANT CASH SETTLED.
The Amount Involved $50,000 Ei
tory o: toe Case.
Atlanta, Ga., Oct 3,—Quite aa import
tant case, which has been pending in the
United States circuit court for several
yean, was settled yesterday. The case was
that of J. F. Jaques against II". F. Cartis
and Levy Curtis, executors, and W. R ; It il
liams, administrator of Dr. Joseph Curtis,
deceased. It was a suit on a contract for
$50,000 for services for negotiating the sale
of a large tract of gold nilumg pro erty
situated in White county to an English syn
dicate. Col. Jaquos, it seems, undertook
the sale of this property some e.ght or ten
years ago, but failed to carry it through by
himself, and, after Dr. Curtis’ deatu
in Londou in 1888, the sale
was completed by his representative
for the large sum of |1,500,09<X Col.
Jaques claimed that, w hile not completing
the sale absolutely by himself, his services
and efforts had, in a largo measure, brought
the sale about, and that his services were
reasonably worth $50,000. After pending
for several years the case was yesterday
sett.ed for the sum of $25,000, one-half the
amount sued for, and it is understood that
all this amount was paid in stock in the
company formed to work the property.
CADETS’ COMMANDSB&
Appointment of Officers at the Univer
sity of Georgia.
Athens, Ga., Oct. 3.—CoL C. M. Snel
liogs, commander of cadets of the univer
sity, read out his appointment of officers
this afternoon. The commissioned officers
are as follows: Company A—captain. Dud
lev Youugblood; tirst lieutenant, 1* rank
Harwell; second lieutenant, R. B. Lanier;
third lieutenant, T. G. Gerdine. Company
B—captain, Marion Hull; first lieutenant,
J. H. Boston; second lieutenant, Walker
King; third lieutenant, li. Sheffield. A. G.
Newell was appointed adjustant and E. R.
Hodgson, Jr., sergeant major. Theumform*
are expected shortly and the boys will com
mence to learn the manual of arms iu
earnest.
Supreme Court Decisions.
Atlanta, Ga., Oct. 3.—The supreme
court inet this morning and decided a num
ber of important cases, as follows: Mathis
vs. Jones; from Macon county. Reversed.
Travelers' Insurance Company vs. Shep
pard; from Bibb county. Reversed.
Schofield vs. Jones; from city court of
Macon. Reversed.
Savannah, Florida and Western railroad
vs Gray; from Decatur. Reversed.
Camp vs. Tompkins; from Dougherty.
Reversed.
Stewart vs. Thompson & Cos.; from Pu
luski. Affirmed.
Livingston vs. Hudson; from Laurens.
Reversed.
Atlanta’s Dusky Barristers.
Atlanta, Ga, Oct. 3.—M. E. Lofton, a
colored lawyer who has been practising in
Chattanooga, has boon admitted to the
Atlanta bar. This gives the oity three
dusky barristers, Charles H. J. Taylor, A.
B. Walker and M. E. Lofton. Taylor is a
democrat. Walker, being a native of
Canada, has no Amencao politics and
Lofton is a republican.
A Contest from Floyd.
Rome, Ga., Oct. 3. —lt is reported this
evening that there will be a contest of the
legislative race in Floyd county. Nothing
definite can be learned. A consultation
has been held with prominent lawyers as to
the advisability of contest. It is claimed
that more than 200 negroes voted illegally
in the Rome precinct.
A Tunnel Caved In.
Atlanta, Ga., Oct. 3.—lt is reported
that the large tunnel on the East Tennes
see road above Dallas, caved in to-night,
and that the train which left here at mid
night had to return to the city. The tunnel
is a very largo one, and will damage the
road a great deal.
May Lose His Bye.
Atlanta, Ga., Oct. 3.—Andrew Pratt, a
boy 8 years old, was accidentally shot this
afternoon with an uir gun by Anderson
LeCroy, 15 years old. The ball entered near
the eye, inflicting a wound that will prob
ably cause him to lose his eyesight.
Atlanta's New Water Works.'
Atlanta, Ga, Oct. 3. —The water works
committee to-day decided to looate the new
plant on the Chattahoochee river, from
which the city’s future water supply will be
taken. Bids are now being received for the
new pumping engines.
Atlanta Cooks on a Etrlke.
Atlanta, Ga., Oct. 3.—The oooks of
Atlanta having formed themselves into an
alliance to boycott the whites, nearly
everybody i9 doing her own cooking. The
negroes say the washwomen will join the
alliance next year.
Decatur Merchant Accidentally Shot.
Atlanta, Ga., Oct. 3.—Mr. Ramspeck,
a well-kuown merchant of Decatur, was
accidentally shot while loading a pistol to
night. He is now in a very critical condi
tion. and it is thought that the wound will
prove fatal.
Jeff Davis' Last Classmate Dying.
Charlotte, N. C., Oct. 3.—Gen. Thomas
F. Drayton aged 83 years, the last surviving
classmate Jefferson Davis at West Point,
was taken suddenly sick at 9 o’clock to
night and at midnight it is feared he is
dying.
Destructive Fire at Gainesville.
Gainesville, Fla., Oct a—Fire broke
out in the postoffice block at 1 o’clock last
night The whole block was burned. No in
surance. 8. J. Burnett was the heaviest
loser.
The following are the business houses:
Folk meat market, Prince Young; fresh
fish, Dell & Shannon; fresh meats, Allen
bakery, Sing & Loug|>ore, groceries, Mrs.
Schroder.millinery; Singer Sewing Machine
Company; W. A. Jernigan, jewelry, and
the post office. The contents of the post
office were saved, and the office opened in
the Williams building to-day.
PUBLIC EDUCATION CONSIDERED.
Yesterday’s Work by the Mississippi
Constitutional Convention.
Jackson, Miss., Oct a—The constitu
tional convention to-day oonsidered the sub
ject of public education. The committee
report makes the school age 6 to 20 years,
provides a four months’ term, the school
fund to consist of poll taxes to be retained
in the county where collected and
to be supplemented by state fuuds,
separate schorls for white and blacks are
to be provided, and sectarianism is for
bidden.
By general consent the substitute offered
by Mr. Jamison was given consideration.
The very first section, which provides that
it shall be the duty of the legislature to
establish a uniform system of free public
schools by taxation for children between
5 and years, evolved an animated debate,
which continued till within a few minutes
of the hour for adjournment, when the sec
tion was adopted.
The indications are now that the con
vention will not complete its work before
the last week of the present month.
McGonigal Convicted of Manslaughter.
New York, Oct. 3—ln the case of Dr.
McGomgal charged with causing the death
of Annie Goodwin, the qigarette fact rv
* lr ’ a erlul!,la l operation, the jury
-brought in a verdict of manslaughter in
Bne hist degree. Sentence was deferred for
V "res in order to give an opportunity to
W>rve character. The maximum penalt vi s
twenty yeai s in the states prison.
rake (dilutions Liver Regulator In youth
aud you will enjoy a green old ug*._ Adv,
GEORGIA’S ELECTION.
m'intosh county.
Darien, Ga. Oct. 3 —The following is
the ■ ffic al vote cast, only the precinct in
the city be n< opened, owing to tne heavy
rains many voters stayed quietly at
home. For state officers, etc., no opposit
’ ion, 182.
For Senator— H. Wilson {colored) rep.,
254; M. W. Eason, dem . 122; republican
J majority, 162.
For Representative—L.Crawford c iloredi
! rep.. 224; C. H. H pkms, tud. dem., 115; C.
i M. Tyson, dem. fcx
WORTH COUNTY.
Sumner, Ga., OcL a—The returns of
the election for representative resulted in a
majority for J. W. Perry. J. B. Davis was
the other candidate for the position. He
was rur. independent of the nomination by
s >me siauch democrats, the democracy of
the other candidate being seriously ques
tioned. The election of J. W. Perry repre
sents the predominance of alliancemea
BULLOCH COUNTY.
Statesboro, Ga, Oct. 3.—C. R. Davis,
the alliance candidate, was elected repre
sentative over Jasper Wilsoa. E HL Cal
loway, for senator, received the solid vote
of the county. The election passed off very
quietlv, wltn about two-thirds of the vote
of the county.
coffee county.
Douglas, Ga, Oct 3. —The following is
the result of the election in Coffee county.
There was no opposition to state house
officers: W. J. Nortben received 854 votes,
and J. W. Boyd received 557 and T. P.
O’Neal 365.
MADE RESTITUTION.
A Bank Robber Disgorges Bis Booty
and Will Plead Oullty.
Columbus, Ind„ Oct. 3.—Last night M.
H. Schriber, recently arrested in Detroit,
M'ch., for robbing the First National Bank
in this city of $300,000 in cash and securi
ties. In November, 1888, and brought to
this city and lodged in Jail, sent for the
bank officials and turned over to them all
his ill-gotten gains, and will go before the
judge and enter a plea of gtfllty aud ask
the mercy of the court. All the money not
wasted by young Schriber was invested in
real estate in Michigan, near Detroit, and
is baid to be worth about $150,000.
A REMARKABLE CENTENARIAN.
Death of Mrs. James C&ley at the Age
of 1 lO Years.
Bridgeport, Conn., Oot. 3.— Mrs. James
Caley, probably the oldest womau in this
state, died at her home at Easton yesterday
at the remarkable age of 110 years, verified
by the town records of Fairfield. Although
she has been in feeble health for
several years she retained her
facul’ies until death. She distinctly re
membered events that oocured 105 years
ago, and frequently told about seeing the
revolutionary soldiers from Fairfield and
vicinity after their return from the war.
A DOOTOR’a ODD CHIMB.
Robs a Patient’s Grave and Takes the
Body to His House.
FYom the Fhiladelvhia Record.
The grand Jury has reported in the Chit
tenden county oourt a bill against Dr. Pate
uaude of Winooski, Vt, for robbing the
grave of Mis* Katie Collins. This, in con
nection with the recovery of the body after
dark last night, makes a oomplete chain of
evidence in one of tho most ghastly crime*
ever committed in Northern Vermont.
Katie Collins was an attractive young
woman in the employ of James Madden of
that city. She became ill and was taken to
the residence of her father, James Collins,
near Colchester Point, some distance from
Winooski, where Rtie was attended by Dr.
Pateuaude of the latter place. She died
after several days, and her body was in
terred in the oemetery in the rear of the old
French Catholic church.
Several days after tho burial marks
showed that tne grave had been robbed. A
trail showed that the body had been
dragged some distance, and the sexton said
two young men had asked the location of
the grave. He pointed it out to them and
after joking together a few minutes they de
parted. The fact was afterward developed
that these young men were R. Durfresne of
the Winooski paint works, and a com
panion named Snyder. Durfresne bad been
intimately associated with Dr. Patenaude
for some time, and warrants were issued
for the arrests of them and Dr. Patenaude’s
hired mao, Deforge. Durfresne and Synder
were apprehended, but the doctor and his
hired mau had run away to St. John’s
P. Q.
There had been various mysterious
rumors abroad iu relation to the rooms oc
cupied by Deforge, the doctor’s assistant,
up three flights in Watson’s block, on Main
street in Winooski, and Chief of Police
Demas aid Deputy Sheriffs Reeves and
Wheeler broke into the place. They found
the room very scantily furnished, and in the
couter of one of the dark rooms a large spot
on the floor had been newly cleaned. In au
adjoining room was discovered a woman's
corset.
The officers learned that the body had
been taken to the place, and after an ex
amination had been made embalming fluid
had been injected into the veius by Charles
Reeves, an ex-undortakor and friend of Dr.
Patenaude, who is also missing.
Lawyer H. N. Deavitt of Winooski, who
is counsel for Patenaude, made an offer to
tho authorities to return the body of the
young woucan, pay all expenses and inclose
the remains in a now casket, if State’s At
torney Forster would drop the matter and
allow his clients and accomplices to return
without fear of molestation, but the offer
was spurned.
As no trace of the body could be found,
a prominent physician of the city wrote to
Patenaude in behalf of the girl’s family.
Last evening word was received that the
body was buried in the woods of Shweston,
about two miles southeast of Winooskij
where it was found.
The remains were wrapped in a large
piece of coarse sacking, with no other cov
ering in the way of a coffin or box, and
were slightly decomposed, but not to au
extent which rendered them unrecognizable.
The body was brought to tho cemetery and
quietly reinterred.
The maximum penalty for the crime
charged against Patenaude is ton years.
There is a suspicion that the grave was
desecrated to conceal another crime.
AN ADROIT DIPLOMAT.
Ingenious Escape of the Brazilian Min
ister to Germany From a Dilemma.
From the Evening Telegram.
From Berlin there comes a story of tact,
which may bo apocryphal, but which sounds
like the truth.
Germany not having yet formally recog
nized the republic of Brazil, tho Brazilian
minister is in a stew of embarrassment. He
has not received his passports, and lie really
represents the republic while all court
communications are addressed to him as
“Minister of His Majesty the Emperor of
Brazil.”
A few weeks ago it became absolutely
necessary for him to write to the Berlin
authorities relative to a party of German
emigrants starting for Brazil, and the
document is alleged to have been couched
in the-e Delphic words:
“During the unavoidable absence of Dom
Pedro from his states, the ofiioial affairs of
Brazil are conducted by a ministry for
whom I have the honor to acquaint you
with their iustruc ions.”
Chancellor Cnprivi is said to have laughed
heartily when he read the letter, and E n
peror William himself was equally amused.
Ayer’s Sarsaparilla, sending the brain
pure blood, luaKts souud both mind aud
body.—Adv.
THE MORNING NEWS: SATURDAY, OCTOBER 4, 1890.
SOMETHING ABOUT JOKES
MANY OF THEM ARB A3 OLD AS
THI PYRAMIDS.
Some of Those of Modern Dress are
But Rehabilitated Rib Ticklers of
Former Generations something
About Distinctively Native Ameri
can Humor.
From the .Yew York Sun.
The sense of the ludicrous has been an im
portant factor in human affairs. There
was a time when Franoe was said to be a
despotism tempered bv epigrams; and if the
faculty from which epigrams spring does
not at the present day rule kingdoms, it still
does, in its various manifestations, exert a
most potent influence upon human society.
In our deeper sorrows we seek support from
fortitude, or the oonsolatious of religion,
and the graver crimes against social order
we band over to the legal tribunals; but all
those minor offenses which contribute so
muoh to the misery of life are under the
control of ridioule. Through fear of it
many a man is deterred from the violation
of that decorum and good order which are
essential to existence in a civilized commu
nity.
Manifested as wit and humor, this faculty
sottens the asperities of life, mitigates is
discomforts and alleviates its ever recurring
daily cares. It smooths the wrinkles of age,
makes tho melanoboly man to smile, un
mask* the pretender and the hypocrite, and
rebukes folly, impatience, and that univer
sal selfishness which is tbs parent of neartv
all the misery that exists in the world. It
has ever been the favoriie weapon of the
moralist and reformer; but its natural office
is to cheer rather than to correct. And
this it doubtless has done ever since man
wav created.
The kings and great barons of mediaeval
times employed oourt jesters to contribute
to tho enjoyment of their guests, and many
of their witticisms are in exls'euce to-day.
Many others, too, are alive which came into
being more than 2,000 years ago, aud, what
is remarkable, every one of these old witti
cisms has had a numerous progeny. In
groping among the shades of departed jokes
we find many a sprightly elf in antique
garb so like to some airy nothing of to-day
that we at onoe detect a relationship, and
are tempted to exclaim with the western
orator, “That which h ith been shall be. and
it never shall be nary different.”
Max Muller has shown that hundreds of
words of as many different meanings have
descended from one root; and so it is with
Jokes. If all the traditional links could be
supplied, we might trace many a score of
them to some old Yorick, who shook bis
jolly sides at the builders of the pyramids.
Many of the most amuuiog extravagances
in “Baron Munchausen” are borrowed liter
ally from the old Latin jest books. The
wild pig which led about by its tail a blind
wild hoar, so,that when the former was slain
tho latter was lured iuto captivitv
by simply giving It the' tail
to hold, is older than the
Crusades. And so tho (Scotchman who,
rising from an bumble position to be a
mayor, assured his “ueotiors that he was
still a mon,” had a Dutch grandmother. The
old story is that “when a certain man bad
been made the prefect of a small village tie
bought his wife a rich fur garment. She,
proud of her finery and vain of her hus
band’s new honors, entered church just ns
the congregation was rising to bear the
Psalter read, and, thinking this was bolug
done out of respect to her, said graciously:
“Sit down, good people! I have not for
gotten I was once poor.”
Of equal antiquity is the story of the two
Irishmen crossing a stream, one upon the
hack of the other, and the second one carry
a kog of whisky. “Sure, Paddy,” said the
latter, "if ye carry me don’t i carry the
whisky, and isn’t that fair and aiquil?” It
is slightly different in the older story where
a cxrtaiu Piero, pitying his weary mule
which bore a heavy plough, took tho plough
upon his shoulder, aud mounting the mule
said to it: “Now you may go along, Dob
bin, for not you, but I, bear the plough,”
The mention of whisky and water sug
gests a couple of tales which are ourrent
at the south in reference to that little known
class styled “mean whites.” A northern
man was onoe forced to dine at one of their
hovels, and missing the customary “whiskv
kag” from the tnblo, he said to the house
wife: “Can’t you gtvo me a mug of ‘knock
’em-stiff ?’ ” “I can’t, stranger,” was the
reply. “We hain’t nary a drap ter speer.”
"None to spare!” he exclaimed. “Why, I
see a barrel of it there in the corner.” “A
baril uv hit,” said the woman. “Why,
whot’s thot for a lone widder and seven
ehillen? We Bhill be nation dry’fore winter’s
over.”
I have not been able to trace the pedigree
of the foregoing, but tho following is of
highly respectable parentage. It is related
that a ttaveler, overtaken by a storm, once
asked shelter at one of these cabins. The
rain was pouring in at the rent in tho roof,
and the mau, his wife and a baker’s dozen
of tow-hended children were huddled to
gether on the only dry spot in the one room
of the hut. “Why don’t you mend your
roof?” asked the traveler. “We can’t,
stranger; hit rains,” was the auswor. “But
why don’t you mend it when it doesn’t
rain?” he asked. "Why, what tho use
o’ mendiu’ hit when hit doan’t rain?” was
tho sensible reply. This same auswer
was made—perhaps by some ancestor of
this “poor white” man—to the eminent
Bishop Butler in the north of England
nearly 150 years ago. The distinguished
author of the “Analogy” was holding ser
vice in a dilapidated church, and, a storm
coming on, ho was nearly “drowned out”
by a torrent of water that filtered through
a thousand rents in the roof. At the close
of the service he mildly remonstrated at the
leaky condition of things aud suggested
that the first sunshiny day should be de
voted to repairing the edifice. “But it
dosn’t need repair, your worship, when it
doan’t shower,” was the auswer of the
worthy church warden.
Not a few of the jokes attributed to Ire
land originated in other countries ages ago.
Of such was the advice given by one son of
Erin to another at a tavern, when he found
tnat his boiled egg was ready to hatoa:
“Down wid it, Murphy! Down wid it, me
boy, or the landlord will come in and
charge ye for a chicken breakfast.” The
old Latin joke is the same, with the slight
difference that when the repast was over
the companion of the chicken eater required
him to pay the reckoning of both. “If you
don’t,” he said, “I’ll tell the landlord of the
chicken you’ve had for dinner, and theu
what a bill you’ll have to pav.”
Everybody has probably heard of the En
glishman, who being told by a bystander
that his coat was on fire, curtly replied:
“What business is that of yours, sir? I have
seen yonrs burning this half hour and not
bothered you about it." This is the twin
brother to the story Tom Brown tells of a
roguish boy, who said to a traveler warm
ing his feet at the lire: "Take care sir, or
you’ll burn your spurs.” “My boots you
mean,” said the traveler. "No sir," was the
answer. “I mean your spurs; your boots
bo burned already." Both of these anec
dotes had for parent the illustrious Eras
mus, and may be found in his “Adages.”
The story is told of an eminent Irish law
yer that, having offended the client of a
rival pleader, the client came upon him as
he was awaking from a short nap, saying:
“Will ye get up till I bate vees!” “Arrah,
and w. uld ye strike a mau when he is
down!” said the lowyer. “Divil a bit would
I,” said the clieut. “Theu I’ll just go to
slapo again,” rejoined the lawyer. The
original of this is fouud in the first book of
Bobdlius, published ao Tubingen in 15 )6.
All know a certaiu officeholder. who,
when asked as to his emoluments, replied:
“A thousand dollars a year, besides the
pickings and stealings.” the direct ancestor
of that offic al was a Roman priest of the
sixteenth century.
“What do you think of soldiers thot can
endure such wounds ?” Napoleon is said to
have asked of an Englishman when show
ing him a frightfully scarred grenadier.
’"What does your majesty think of the men
who gave the wounds ?” was the auswer.
This Bri isber was no doubt a fraud, tor
the same remark was made by Louis the
Bavarian, who lived in the fourteenth cen
tury. Older even than this is an anecdote
only the other day attributed to Alex
ander Dumas. He had an unattractive
wife, and is said to have one day sur
prised a gentleman when he was
bestowing upon her au unallowed salute.
“My poor fellow, why do you do so?’ said
Dumas. “I am sur- no one has compelled
you to such a thing.” And this suggests aa
anecdote related of William R. 1 ravers,
who was an incorrigible wit. He was food
of dining at hisclu. , and occasionally went
home somewhat Lato. and m re or less af
fected 6y the wine he had drunk. On a cer
tain occasion be had cautioned
his wife not to sit up for him, but en
tering his house far in the small hours he
found her at the bead of the stairs await
ing him. “Is that you, Mr. Travers?”
asked :he lady from over the balusters. “It
is, madsrne,” stuttered the Wall street
magnate,” but who were you expecting V
•Vlany a happy thought dashed off by
some living author is merely some old joke
dressed out in modern habiliments. Of this
klud is the witty remark of Heine to a lady
in describing his schoolboy wrestlings with
a dead language. “La: in, madim,” he said,
“you have no idea of what a mess it is.
The Romans would never have found time
to oonquer the world if they had been
obliged to learn Latin. Lucky dogs! They
already knew in their cradles a!l the nouns
ending in im." The same thine miy be
found in a letter fro m Von Hutton to
Erasmus of a date prior]by nearly 300 years.
In like manner many of the best things
said by D uglas Jerruld and (Sydney Smith
were borrowed from tho Latin, and some of
Oole. idge’s finest epigrams are mere trans
lations from the Greek. Probably the most
celebrated of them is that which records the
devil’s dealings with Job-
To try Job's constancy and patience
He took his honors, took his health;
He took his children, took his wealth.
His camels, horses, asses, oows.
Still the sly devil did not take his spouse.
But heaven, that brings out good from evil.
And loves to disappoint the devil,
Had predetermined to restore
Two fold of all Job had before—
His children, camels, asses, cows—
Snort sighted devil not to lake his spouße.
This was taken by Coleridge from the
sermons of John Donne (vol. 111. p. 333),
who did in 1091, and the humorous germ
was borrowed by Donne from St. Augus
tine, iu whose works is enough genuine wit
and humor to serve as stock in trade for
liaif a dozen modern humorists.
But all tho good things in literature are
not borrowed, for wit, like genius, is peren
nial, and flashes forth in all countries aud
all ages. However, I think it is more apt
to be original when it springs up among an
unlettered people than when it is the pro
duct of a more cultivated soil. Of this
description is the old darkv preacher’s
account of the origin of tho chivalry.
“Doan’t you know whar doy come from,
raassa?” he is reported to have said. "Well,
dou I’ll atolo you. You sees it was dis
away. All de fu-s folks, Adam an’ Eve,
fin’ Cain au’ Abel, an’ Genesis an’ Deuter
onomy, an’ all dem ole fellows, was brack;
but Caiu be kill his hi udder wid a big
club, his walkin’ stiok, an’ de Lord
lie kim down ter see ’bout it, an’
he say ter Cain: ’Cain, whar am
dy b rudder? Den Cain he stick out bis
cheek an’ he say, ‘ldoes i’t kuow, what’s ye
axin’ me fur? Dat makes de Lord wroff,
an’ he stomp on dar ground an’ he say,‘You
Cain! you brack Cain! I say, whore am
dy brudder? Now, de way de Lord say dat
frighten Cain, an’ he turn white in de face
—aat was de mark de Lord lot on him—an’
de hull raca of Cain baba been white eber
sense. Den Cain he got out, an’ he settle in
de land of Nod, and from dar he move inter
Souf Car’linu, an’ dats whar all de shivurlv
comes from.” It was perhaps this old
oiergyman who, being asked by a gentle
man what ho got for his preaching, ans
wered, “Nothin’.” “Well,” said tho gen
tleman, “that’s and and poor pay." “Yas,
massa,” was the answer, “an’ its and 1
pore preach, too.”
Of kindred with the foregoing is the
“poor white” legend of how Jonah dis
covered America, whioh was in manner
following, to wit: “Arter Jonah was a
hove overboard and gobbled up by the
whale, he at fust didn’t know what ter
make uv things. He felt mighty oneasy,
but thot didn’t do nary good, so arter
awhile he settled liimself down in a sof6
spot and In-gun to look over the situation.
It war pesky dark, and the air war closer
nor the hold uv ary smack on Neuse river.
So Jonah out with his ’backer pouch, lit a
pipe and went ter smokin’ like time. He
smoked and smoked, and ’fore long the
whale ho begun to feel a mighty commotion
in his innards. Ye see, not being used ter
’baoker, he got seasick. It wouldn’t be per
lite to tell how be retched and retched and
retched, but he done it, and fiuarly he
retched Jonah right up enter the coast of
North Carolina, and that’s the how he dis
covered this country.”
These scripture subjects suggest an an
ecdote that is told of an American clergy
man, who, in one of his sermons, severely
criticised tho Swedsnborgiau heaven, its
green fields, fine horsas and cattle, and
beautiful women. In the midst of this
glowing haraugue one of the sisters went
into raptures and snouted: “Glory! glory!
glory!” This so disconcerted the preacher
that he stopped short in his address, when
an elder called out to the enraptured female:
“Hold on there sister. You’re are shouting
over the wrong heaven.”
None of our American wit lacks pungency,
anti some of our humor is not excelled by
any in the English language. But humor
caunot be quoted. It must be taken with
its connections. Witu wit, however, it is
different, and with a few specimens of what
appear to be genuine and flavored with the
soil I will close this paper. American wit
is largely hyperbolical, and a “tall” species
came into v .gue a few years ago. It told
of a man who was so short that he had to
climb a ladder to shave himself; of auothor
so strong that simply bis sneeze bad killed a
man on the opposite side of the Mississippi
river; of a pig so lean that a knot had to be
tied in its tail to prevent its getting through
the chinks in the fence; of a squash
vine which grew so rapidly that it
overtook a drove of swine, and of an
artist who painted a snowstorm so nat
urally that he took a bad cold from sitting
near to it with his coat off. The reason for
the exorbitant prioe of cream in a certain
town was that "milk has rise i so high that
the cream couldn’t reach the top.” A jockey
once drove so fast that the mile stones went
by so quickly that the gentleman with him
thought they had been “standing still in a
graveyard.” A western man, having been
blown up on an Ohio river steamboat, said
that ho got so used to being blown up by his
wife that a mere steamboat explosion had
no effect on him. Another victim of a
steamboat explosion was a witness iu a ca3e
to determine the exact time of the death of
another victim. “What was the last time
you saw hitnC' asked the lawyer, to which
the witness said: “The very last time I
ever set evos on him was when the biler had
burst, and I was going up. I met him and
the smokestack Coming down together.”
Another species of American wit leaves
something to be understood which is incon
gruous. For instance: “A man in New
Hampshire ate the other day fifteeu dozen
raw oysters. The silver trimmings on his
coffin cost 812 So.” “John Smith, in Ne
braska. said he could handle a rattlesnake
as well as a snake charmer. The moanness
of the u dortaker in demanding pay in ad
vance delayed the funeral four days.” “Few
men would attempt to dry gunpowder on a
hot stove. A man in Indiana did. nod his
afflicted family will bo tnansful ur any in
formation as to his whereabouts. ’ “A
man in New llaven warm-d his wife not to
light the flro with kerosene. Her clothes
fit his second wife ram a- kably well.”
In an old trans-Alloghe iy newspaper!that
I have recently had occasion to examine, I
have come across some specimens of back
woods’ wit chat appear to be genuine and
worth quoting. Instance the foil- wing;
“A Christian missionary, having hopefully
converted a Cherokee Indian, udmirustereil
to him baptism and the sacramental supiwr.
When tbe Cher' kae bar) partaken of the
bread and wine, the worhv cla-gvman in
quired of him if he bed ot received inward
refreshment from the sacred cup. “Yes,”
replied the convert, “it was very gxni, hut
I like ruin better.”
Of a simi ar character it the following:
"A poor immigrant and bis wife, journey
ing into tbe western country on foot, tat
down, much fatigued, by the roadside. ‘Ob!
1 1 wish I was in heaven.’ sighed the wife. ‘I
wish i was in a tavern,’ replied tbe husband.
’That's just like you, you rogue,’ rejoined
tue wife, ‘you always want to be in tne best
place. ’ ” Shakespeare savs that
A jest's prosperity lies in the ear
Of him tnat hears it—never in the tongue
Of him that makes it.
Be this as it may, there is “prosp rity” In
a jwh It soothes distress, aids digestion,
and, more than song, or dance, or wine,
helps to “drive dull care away.” It was
care that killed tbe cat, and it is care that is
killing the American people. We must
laugh more if we would-have active livers,
a healthy digestion, aud live long as a
nation.
TBH NAKED FACT.
"If Your Foot Is Pretty, Show It,” and
the Ladies Lid.
From the 3,'ew York Sun.
Apropos of the appeal for the sandal
made a few days ago in the Evening Sun,
oomes the following anecdote about the
pedal customs of two young Caban girls
who, several years ago, were leaders in the
society circles of this city, one of wbompow
sees a title before her name in print. Shod
in the daintest fashion wherever convention
required it, these young women in
the privdey of their own apart
ments always sat with their onnuing
brown feet without covering of silk
or kid. Dress skirts were worn much longer
in those days than now, and so the
girls onuld go pattering about indoors in
their bare feet all they wanted to without
anyone's being the wiser for it uni sen tbe
ownsrsof tbe feet chose. And the story
goe-i that they did chose very frequency,
and that it was no uncommon thing tor
visitors, that were admitted to an intimacy
in tbe house, to sea in the midst of an ani
mated conversation a pair of the cunning
eet bare feet in all the world steal “like
little mice” from underneath a mm of soft
frills, and to see them c.quettishlv with
drawn until only the toes were visible, only
to steal slyly out again as conversation
made the owuer, apparently, more and
more forgetful of heiself.
Miss Rosebud (at her llrst race)—And who
did you any that gentleman In the cnecked suit
Mr. Straightip—Oh, that la S the book
maker.
Miss Rosebud (enthusiastically)—Do bring
him up and introduce him You know I dole
upon autho n.—Brooklyn Life.
MEDICAL.
Peculiar
Peculiar In combination, proportion, and
preparation of ingredients, Hood's Sarsapa.
rilla possesses the curative value of the best
known reine- | *;JI-, dies of the
vegetable 11000 Skingdom.
Peculiar in its strength and economy, Hood’s
Sarsaparilla is the only medicine of which can
truly be said, “ One Hundred Doses One Dol
lar.” Peculiar in its medicinal merits, Hood’s
Sarsaparilla accomplishes cures hitherto un
known, C -ilia andha
won for vJdfOM p<t 111 and use 1 f
the title of “ The greatest hlood purifier ever
discovered.” Peculiar in its "good name
at home,” —there Is more of Hood’s Sarsa
parilla sold In Lowell than of all other
blood purifiers. Peculiar In its phenomenal
record of rj ■ ■ sales abroad
no other ■ OCIIII Ell preparation
ever attained so rapidly nor held so
steadfastly the confidence of all classes
of people. Peculiar In the brain-work which
it represents. Hood's Sarsaparilla com
bines all the knowledge which modern
research** ■*, *ln medical
sclenee has I O lISGIT developed,
with many years practical experience In
preparing medicines. Be sure to get only
Hood’s Sarsaparilla
8o!d by all druggists, #1; six for $5. Prepared only
by C. I. HOOD <fc CO., Apothecaries, Lowell, Mass.
IQO Doses One Dollar
SPECIAL NOTICES.
A GOOD roil\Ell FOR BUSINESS.
Bay Street Property for Sale.
As the owner Intends changing his business, I
have been authorized to offer at private sale
that fine piece of property on the southeast cor
ner of Bay and Habersham streets.
The building is solid and. in good condition,
and very roomy. The stand is we'.l established
aud a remunerative business has always been
done at this place. For manufacturing pur
poses, for a large laundry, payer box factory or
a hundred other purposes, this property will be
eagerly sought after lu the near future.
For full partjoulars apply to
M. J. SOLOMONS.
JUST arrived
BY YESTERDAY’S STEAMER
SAUP. KRAUT,
SALT WATER PICKLE3,
MIXED PICKLES,
SWEET PICKLES.
CHOW CHOW PICKLES.
—Aim—
MINCE MEAT.
Also a Full Line
FANCY GROCERIES.
PHILLIPS BROS.,
Successors to M. D. Hirsch.
NOTICE OF REMOVAL
TO OUR FRIENDS AND PATRONS.
Owing to our present >, porters being entirely
too small to conduct our large, and increasing,
fruit and vegetable business, we have been com
pelled to secure larger quarters. No. 130 Bav
street, with wharf frontage, which will enable
us to discharge our cargoes of fruit within a
few feet of our back door. We will be better
able to serve trade sat.isfactorlv from our new
location on account of increased facilities. We
will add to oar present line of fruit and vegeta
bles a full line of fancy candies, and our prices
will be as cheap on same quality of goods, as
any house south. We intend to*do an exclusive
wholesale trade, and, therefore, invite special
attention of jobbers to this notice.
J. S. COLLINS & CO.. No. 130 Bay Street •
THIS SATURDAY’S PRICES
—OF—
H E I D T’S
Can be found among Personals.
Try Bohacinu Toilet Powdek.
FRIED 4 HICKS’
LADIES’ RESTAURANT
—WILL BE—
OPEN MONDAY NIGIIT.
COME ANb INSPEOJ'THS
FINEST LADIES' RESTAURANT
IN THE SOUTH.
DU. T. F. KOBE USOV
DENTIST.
ODD FELLOWS BUILDING
Corner Barnard aud State Streets.
MARRIAGES.
COOPER-C A M PFIELL. - ManWaTßt~Johifs
! church on T ursiay. Sept. 25, by the Rev. O.
P. Fitzsimons. Edward A Cooper aod Eliza
beth R. CAKPFIELr.
IJ BATHS.
DUNNING.—On the 2Sth ult., at Dresden,
Ger.naoy. in the 10th year of her age, Mrs
Fanny S Dunning widow of Robert D Dun
| ntng. and mother of Mrs. J F. Dripps.
FUNERAL INVITATIONS.
CASS ELS.—Friends and acquaintance of T.
Holcomb Cassel* and his mother, Mrs. M. C.
Hopkins, are invited to attend tbe funeral of
the former at First Presbyterian church, 8:30
THIS AFTERNOON.
SPECIAL NOTICE^
On and a flee Feb. 1, I#W, the basis of meas
urement of all advertising in the Uoamsi
News util be agate, or at the rate of fl 40 an
inch for the first insertion.
GREAT HOME E.VIKKPKIeE, ~~
THE SAVANNAH BREWING COMPANY’S
PILSEN -AND- TIVOLI
B CESS.
W-rOR SALE—
tN EVERY FIRST-CLASS SALOON.
We would especially recommend our Bottle
Beer to families on account of its nourishment
to ladies and children
NO ARE USED -IN ITS
MANUFACTURE
CALL FOR THE HOMEMADE BEER
IF" We pay 16 cents a dozen for all empties
returned to us.
TELEPHONE NO. 4fcSk
SPECIAL NOTICE.
HORSES, MULES, MARES.
NICEST AND CHEAPEST IN THE CITY.
Just Arrived from Stock Farms
GUILMARTIN & MEHRTENS,
West Broaa. Foot of South Broad Street.
SAVANNAH JOCKEY CLUB.
RUM Skits AND OTHERS WHO CARE FOR FIXE
COUPE, CARRIAGE
AND HARNESS SPONGER
AND LARGE CHAMOIS SKINS,
CAR Firth THE* AT
BUTLER’S PHARMACY,
Oor. Bull and Congress Streets.
THE eU.VD.AV MORNING NHWB
w# be foaud regularly on sale at the following
places,
ESTILL’S NEWS DEPOT. 21V6 Bull street.
CONNOR’S NEWS STAND.
K. J. KIESTER’S DRUG STORE.
Corner West Broad and Stewart streets.
T. A. MULLRYNE 4 OO.’S DRUG STORE.
West Broad and Waldburg streets.
ST. J. R YONGE’S DRUG STORE,
Corner Whitaker and Duffy streets,
W. A. BISHOP’S DRUG STORE.
Corner Hall and Price streets.
McCauley & co.’s drug store,
_ Corner New Houston and Drayton streets.
hello! hello:
1,091,113
conversations by telephone
In Savannah, as actually registered at the On
tral Office from Jan. Ist to Sept. Ist of the our
rent veau If you had taken a telephone the
number would have been still greater. If other
people find the service successful, would it not
be to your interest to snbsoribe?
Over 9.000 conversations in a single day.
The busiest reason of the year, when you
most need every facility for tbe rapid transac
tion of business, is approaching. The oost
amounts to only a few cents per day. Call on
tbe manager, or seud him a postal card, and he
will call on you.
JOHN D.EABTERLIN. Dlst. Supt., Macon, Ga.
R. B. ROOD, Manager, Savannah, Ga.
SPECIAL NOT ICR.
The Rev. Robb White, rector of Christ church,
will return to the city to-day, (Saturday), aud
hold the usual Sunday morning service, and
administer tho holy communion at Hunter hall,
Chatham Academy, at 11 o’clock. Evening
service at 8 o'clock. Sunday school, 5 o’clock
p. m.
NOTICE
Is hereby given of intention to apply to the
General Assembly of Georgia, at its next ses
sion, for the passage of an act to ba entitled,
“An Act to Incorporate ‘The Electric Railway
Company of Savannah,’ and to define its rights,
powers and privileges, and for other purposes.”
Savannah, Ga., Oct. 4, 1890.
NOTICE.
All bills against the British steamship
INCHRHONA must he presented at our office
by or before 12 m, THIS DAY, Oct. 4, or pay
ment thereof will be debarred.
STKACHAN & CO., Consignees.
ARE TOC HARD UPI ~
If you are, call on the newly licensed pawn
brokers, at SO Jefferson street, corner Congress
street lane.
NEW YORK LOAN OFFICE.
ADAM STRAUS. Manager.
DR. B. 8. PURSE
HAS—
RETURNED TO THE CITY
—AND—
RESUMED PRACTICE.
DON'T GIVE UP IN DESPAIR.
Dyspeptics, you will find a reliable remedy in
DR. ULMER'S LIVER CORRECTOR.
It is a faultless vegetable preparation, and
indorsed by prominent medical men.
Silver medal and diploma awarded over com
petitors.
Prepared by
B. F. ULMER, M. D., Pharmacist,
Savannah, Ga.
Prico, $1 por bottle. Sold by alt druggists.
BOWLINS KL ~~
Pharmacist,
Prescriptions. Ships’ Medicine Chests filled
and labeled in French, German, Swedish, Nor
wegian or Danish.
Broughton ana Drayton Streets.
Telephone ll>s
10c TOOTH. NAIL, SHOE.
and WHISK BRUSHES.
BAR HEIDT’S ARTESIAN WATER
TOILET SOAP.
SPONGES and CHAMOIS.
Use Boracine Toilet Powder.
AMUSEMENTS.
Savannah Theater,
October 3 ind i Saturday Matisse.
| THE SECOND EDITION OF
IWm. J. Cilmore’sl
glorious ballet spectacle, the -
112~ temptations
CHAS. H. YALE. Manager
WITH 100 PEOPLE ENGAGED.
The Grand Ba'lets. 12 C^**!***^]
Tbe Bewitching Dancers. |‘ ut %<> ' ELTVj
The Lovely Premiers. If
Tbe Wonderful Specialties.* t
Th" >1 as*iveSe.*n -Vy' ***" !
oO I „ The Gorgeous Costumes
IN THE BALLET 1 Tbe _ C:i " raUl K Music
****>( Toe Moving Panorama,
THE BIGGEST OF SPECTACLES.
Sale of seats open Sept. 23th, 9 a. m. at Butler a
Next Attraction—FalßlFS’ WELL 1
SAVANNAHTHEATER
-ONE NIGHT ONLY
OCTOBER 6
W. H. POWER’S CO.
—Presenting the Romantic Irish Drama
THE FAIRIES WELL.
(A Companion Play to the IVY’ LEAF. >
A Strictly First-class Company, includin' the
Talented Irish Come, lian
CARROLL JOHNSON.
(Lath or Johnson & Slavin'* Minstrels)
A Carload of Scenery. A Powerful Dramatis
Company Replete with New Songs ani
Dances. Production aarne as at
the Fourteenth Street Thea
tre, New York.
S*ats at BUTLER’S, Oct. 4.
Next Attraction—AßTHUß REHAN. Oet. 8
EXCURSIONS.
siis mail
THE
Charleston & Savannah Rv.
REGULAR SUMMER EXCURSIONS TO
CHARLESTON AND SULLIVAN’S ISLAND.
IEAVE Savannah at 12:30 p. m. Saturday re-
J turning leave Charleston at 7:20 a m slna.
day. $3. Sullivan’s Is.and tickets 25 cents addi
tional.
Leave Savannah at 7:00 a. m. Sunday, return
ing leave Charleston at 7:20 a. in. Monday 52
Leave Savannah at 7:00 a. m. Sunday, return
ing leave Charleston at 4:05 p. in. same day Si
Sullivan’s Island, tickets 25 cents additional ’
E. P. McSWINEY,'
General Passenger Agent
BASKs.
President. Vice President
JAS. H. HUNTER, Cashier.
SAVANNAH BANK 4 TRUST CO.
Sayings Dep t
allows 40/0
Deposifa of $1 and Upward Recoivd.
Interest on Deposits Payable Quarterly.
DIRECTORS:
Joseph D. Weed, of J. D. Weed & Cos.
John C. Rowland, Capitalist.
C. A. Reitzs. Exchange aud Insurance.
John L. Hardee, Capitalist
R. G. Ebwin, of Chisholm, Erwin & dußignon
Edward Karow. of Strauss & Cos.
Isaac G. Haas, General Broker.
M. Y. Maclntyre, of M. Y. & I). I. Maclntyre.
John Lyons, Of .John Lyons & Cos.
Walter Coney, of Paterson, Downing & Cos.
D. C. Bacon, Lumber.
• a * M —*———i^——Bravos
'HARinVARL
HARDWARE,
BAB, BAND AND HOOP LiON,
Wagon Material,
NATAL STORE SUPPLIES
FOR SALK B V
Edward Lovell’s Sons,
155 BROUGHTON AND 138-140
STATE STREET.
FKEIL
COTTO N SE E D H U LLS
and
COTTON SEED MEAL.
THE great Dairy Feed of New Orleans—2slla
Hulls, 5 lbs meal a full feed.
2,000 lbs HuHs for s,’o
400 lbs Meal for 300
2,400 lbs Feed for ‘7OO
Tbe above is equal to one ton of best Timothy
Hay, for which you pay $lB. Look into it For
sale at tbe mill of
SOUTHERN COTTON OIL COMPANY. I
Near Water Works, I
PR INT INGAND 1500Ji 111 N DING. I
1890-pXll am wira-iAsi I
PRINTING MU) BINDING.!
BL/UIK BOOKS. I
Establishment fully furnished with allH
necessary TOOLS and MACHINERY.*
PAPERS and MATERIALS. Cempo*
tent Workmen. Established EeputaM
tion for Good Work. Additiqnul
dare solicited. Estimates furnished.
03 % BAY STBE.ET, K
GEO. N NICHOLS. B
COTTON FACTORS. H
John Flannery. John L Johnson. K|
JOHN FLANNERY & CO.. |
Cotton Factors!
SAVANNAH, GA. I
Bagging and Iron ties furnished at
market rates. Prompt attention given t’*J
business entrusted to ns. Liiiera! cash advanh Mg
made on obnsignments of c ,t:on.
MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS. B|
WASH BUS?.’■
tI&L | !(®
in vnlrnnw .and quality
A the best In tin* worl/l- ;■!
.£> .to wear iu any climate. fc>ola ** Kgl
deajerj. Beautifully i
irOMAHEALY,CH3C!gM
IN 8U RANCH-
CII ARLFSTf^RKNDfiRGA ST ■
(Successor to R. 11. Footman S M f
FIRE, MARINE AND STORM INSURE®!
106 BAY STREET, B
[Next West of the Cotton Exehsnr’- 5 ■
Talepbone Call Sfi. 3i Savaßuai. 1 ■ ;