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CjjeUlttrrangltetos
Morning >ei Building, Savannah. •
TUESDAY- DECEMBER 2, I*l*o.
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dressed "MORNING NEW'S,” Savannah,
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EASTERN OFFICE, 23 Park Row, New
Tork City, C. S. Faulkner, Manager.
\mi 10 mTvmm)\ ektTsem esis.
Meeting—B. P. O. Elks No. 183.
Special Notices—Thanksgiving, Christ
inas and New Year’s, Jas. McGrath & Cos.;
Sherry Calves -Foot Jelly, A. M. & C. W.
West; Notice as to Closing of Agency, R.
G. Trezevant, Agent; Notice to Water
Takers; Proposals Wanted for Feed, John
E. Maguire, Fire Chief; Dividend, Chat
ham Real Estate and Improvement Com
pany; Notice as to Discontinuance of Cars
on Suburban and West End Railway; The
Auction Sale of the Schwarz Stock of Fur
niture, Etc.. John McLaughlin & Son, Auc
tioneers; Notice to City Court Jurors;
Wise Buyers Buy White Flyers, R. D.&
Wm. Lattimore.
New Year’s Is a Good Time—B. H. Levy
& Bro.
Mineral W'ater—Apenta.
Collars—Cluett’s Collars.
Hides, Wool, Etc.—R. Kirkland.
Snappy Weather—Falk Clothing Com
pany.
Medical—Hood’s Sarsaparilla; Woman’s
Friend.
Cheap Column Advertisements—Help
Wanted; Employment Wanted; For Rent
For Sale; Lost; Personal; Miscellaneous,
The appeal of the committee in behalf of
the confederate war museum, or battle
abbey, should meet with a hearty re
sponse. The sum raised by subscription
is to be duplicated, dollar for dollar, by
Mr. Rouss of New York, ytiis should
be an incentive to southern people to make
their contributions as large as possible.
The movement should result in one of the
grandest memorials to the lost cause ever
erected to any cause in any country.
A correspondent of the Morning News
at Tallahassee informs us that Mr. G. G.
Gibbs, a Leon county, (Fla.) farmer has
this year made twenty-six barrels of sy
rup, worth *1&2.40, from one acre and a
half of land. Ordinarily the farmer who
can make his farm bring him one-fourth
as much per acre considers that he Is do
ing very well. Mr. Gibbs’ experience, how
ever, is not novel among those farmers
of Florida, and of Georgia, who have
gone into farming for profit—"for all there
is in it." We have several times recently
printed notices of farmers who have made
some of their acres give them returns of
*l5O to *2OO each. They were special acres,
to be sure, but they illustrated what could
be done. We confidently expect to see
the number of such acres increase rapid
ly during the next few years.
The story of the prodigal son was enact
ed with variations, at Vincennes, Ind., on
t’hristmat/eve. Two years ago the son of
a prominent farmer yielded to temptation
and forged a paper. He ran away to hide
his disgrace. On Christmas eve he re-ap
peared at his father’s house in the dress
of a tramp. He was Impelled possibly
by the sentiments of the season to return
home and ask his father’s forgiveness and
assistance. As twilight was falling he rap
ped at the door. The father opened It,
looked at his boy a moment In hesitation,
then uttering a glad cry he pulled him in
side. The boy was fed and given a decent
euit of clothes. In the meantime the hired
man had been instructed to hitch the horse
to the buggy, and when the young fellow
had finished his meal the old man took
him in the buggy, drove to town and turn
ed him over to the sheriff, and he was lock
ed up in Jail. The father was determined
t hat he should suffer the full extent of the
law for his transgression, notwithstanding
his love for his son had not been diminish
ed.
Secretary Howard of the Spinners' union
of Fall River, Mass., who recently came
south, and into Georgia, for the purpose
of organizing the cotton mill operatives,
is not well pleased with the results of his
trip; though he says he has hopes of bet
ter results at a later date. He was some
what surprised to find the operatives in
this state enjoying so many privileges. He
found that employes were in the habit of
going In and out of the mills whenever
they pleased, even during work hours.
That kind of thing Is not permitted In
Massachusetts, The treatment of women
in the southern mills Impressed him. "Wo
men are much more respected there than
bar*,’’ he said to an Interviewer, "and
wny one who would insult one would las
Immediately shot, and the courts would
scquti the woman-defender." He proba
bly has sn exaggerated idea with regard to
Ine proneness of the southerner to shoot;
not |t la pretty well estxb ished that south
ern BiMi defend their women against in
*w-l-
Tariff Hearings Begun.
The ways and means committee yester
day began collecting information upon
which tb base anew tariff bill. From re
ports which are appearing In the pqbllc
prints it is evident that protection for
about every interest that can be protected
is going to be demanded, and each interest
will ask for all the protection Its represent
atives can get.
Protection for a good many products
will be asked, not because these products
could not be profitably produced without
it under a low tariff, but because the cost
of their production will be greatly increas
ed If articles needed in the production of
them are protecled. It Is apparent, there
fore, that may of the articles that are now
on the free list will be put on the list of
protected articles In all probability. Among
southern products sugar and lumber are
now on the free list, but many of the arti
cles which are used in manufacturing
these products are protected. Consequent
ly the cost of producing lumber and sugar
is greater than it would be under a strict
ly revenue tariff. The producers of them,
therefore, have good reasons for asking
for protection.
But when protection is granted to every
body that wants it will the country be
any better off? Will it be as prosperous?
We don’t think it will. Protection makes
the cost of production so great that our
manufactured products will be shut out
of foreign markets. It confines us to our
own market, and that is not great enough
to keep our factories fully employ*.
We have now a comparatively low tar
iff. Its beneficial effects were seen In the
increase in the amount of our exports of
manufactured goods last year. The in
crease was *70,000,000. It will be much
greater doubtless this year.
If our manufacturers are 6hut out of
the foreign markets they will make all
they can out of the home market. To do
that they will have to form trusts. That
is about what all the protected industries
do. They compel home consumers to pay
a great deal more than a fairly remunera
tive price for manufactured goods. We
had an example of their methods In the
nail trust, which recently dissolved because
some of its members failed to keep faith
with the others, and we have it now in
the steel rail trust, which has been sell
ing rails to foreigners at *23 a ton and de
manding $28.50 from home consumers. The
present duty on rails is *7.80, and yet it is
well understood that the cost of making
steel rails in this country is no greater
than it ie in England.
If the republicans make the kind of tar
iff law which they have outlined, not only
will the cost of nearly all manufactured
articles be Increased, but our manufactur
ed goods will be practically shut out of
foreign markets.
Turkey’s Financial Troubles.
A dispatch from Constantinople publish
ed in this issue of the Morning News con
tains- the information that the European
powers have decided to take hold of Tur
key’s financial affairs and endeavor to put
them on a safe and businesslike basis.
Turkey’s finances have been going steadily
from bad to worse. If the sultan were
permitted to continue to manage the finan
cial affairs of his empire it would not be
long before his treasury would be hope
lessly bankrupt.
The dispatch says that the ambassadors
will have a conference to-day as to the ad
vlsabiity of resorting to coercive measures
“to compel the sultan to put the proposed
reforms in operation.” The only reforms
mentioned In the dispatch are those relat
ing to financial matters. Turkey owes a
vast amount of money to several of the
powers, and there is a growing doubt as
to whether she will be able to pay her
debts. The powers have practically decid
ed that she must pay them. The reforms
therefore, which the sultan must put into
operation are those which relate to the
collection and expenditure of the revenues
of the empire.
When their material Interests are at
stake the powers find no difficulty in
reaching an agreement to coerce the sul
tan to adopt such financial reforms as they
may think advisable, but when the Arme
nians were being subjected to all sorts of
horrible outrages and were being slaught
ered by the thousands these same powers
refused to listen to the appeals of the suf
ferers for aid. They couldn’t come to an
agreement to protect the helpless Arme
nians from the fury of the fanatics who
were persecuting them. In other words
the powers hold money to be of far more
value than human life.
It Is poesble that after the powers have
provided for the safety of the money
which the sultan owes to Europeans, the
powers will insist that the Armenians shall
be given protection. Still, thus far, they
have shown themselves to be much more
concerned about the payment of the
money the sultan owes Europeans than
about the sufferings of the Armenians.
The information that Mr. William Wal
dorf Astor has sworn allegiance to the
queen Is not received with good grace by
some of the New York newspapers. They
seem to hold the opinion that because the
Astor millions were made In America, all
of the Astors ought to remain Americans
and spend their money in this country.
There are various reasons given as to
why Mr. Astor has become a Briton. One
is to the effect that by changing his na
tionality he can, and will, become a peer.
Another is that he’wlll not only become a
peer, but will contract a brilliant marriage,
with a princess, or something of the sort.
Mr. Astor has not been In America since
the Drayton-Borrowe affair. lie Is 48
years old. From 1882 to 1885 he served
this country as minister to Italy.
The New York Journal recently had Its
correspondents In all parts of the country
obtain Interviews with leading business
men with regard to the state of business,
and the outlook for the approaching year.
While many of them do not claim that
there is any great buaineas Improvement at
present, they assert that the conditions
are favorabla for a return of prosperity,
The gentlemen of thia city Interviewed
were Muysr Myers, Mr. Henry liluo, Mr,
J. A. U. Ctorsos and Mr. 11. t‘. Kmart, each
of whom „egatd thv outlook as hopeful.
THE MORNING NEWS: TUESDAY, DECEMBER 29, 1896.
Too Many llnnks in Cities.
There are Indeations that there are too
many banks in the cities and too few in
the small towns. The cities have more
currency than they need while the coun
try districts haven’t as much as they need.
In our dispatches yesterday it was stated
that the Atlas National Bank of Chicago
had decided to go out of business, although
in a perfectly solvent condition. The rea
son given for this decision Is that younger
banking institutions have taken away from
it a large part of Its business.
It is safe to say that in many of the
cities there are banks that are not making
dividends. They have a surplus out of
which they are paying dividends, hoping
all the tirade that business will improve.
Eventually the most of them will find It
advisable to wind up their affairs.
The announcement comes from Boston
that some of the savings banks of Massa
chusetts have a plan for closing about a
half dozen of the national banks of that
city. The law of Massachusetts permits
savings banks to invest In the stock of
national banks, and the savings banks of
that state hold 194,649 of the 522,500 shares
of the national banks of Boston. A ma
jority of the stock of each of eight national
banks of that city is owned by the savings
banks of the state. The savings banks
own 37 per cent, of all the stock of the na
tional banks of Boston.
As already stated the savings
banks think that Boston has too
many national banks, and jhe
proof that it has is found in the
fact that the stock of twenty-two out of
the sixty banks is below par. It Is also
claimed that some of the banks whose
shares are above par are not so healthy
as their shares indicate.
This condition of affairs is not at all sat
isfactory to the savings banks. They are
tired of carrying so much depreciated bank
stock. Therefore, if reports are to be
credited, they have appointed a commit
tee to devise a plan to force some of the
natonal banks out of business. It is hoped
by this means to improve the market value
of the shares of the other banks.
It is not claimed that any of the banks
aro in a shaky condition. The contention
is that there are too many of them for
the business that is to bo done, and that
some of them must close up their affairs.
As the savings banks are Sn a position to
speak with some authority it is not im
probable that Boston will have fewer banks
in the near future.
Calm's Debt.
A vast amount of money Is going to be
lost by somebody in connection with Cuba.
It is stated that Cuba’s debt now amounts
to about *425,000,000. This Includes, of
course, what has been spent by Spain in
her efforts to put down the insurrection
as well as what Cuba owed when the war
■for independence began.
Spain has pretty nearly bankrupted her
self in carrying on the war In Cuba and
the Philippine Islands. She cannot bor
row any more, outside of her own people,
and it is estimated that she will spend
what she has in her treasury in about two
months. It is doubful if her people would
take another loan. What then is she to
do when her treasury becomes empty?
She cannot carry on the war in Cuba and
the Philippine Islands without money,
Cuba couldn’t pay the debt which has
been saddled upon her even if she were
willing to do so, and It Is quite certain
she will not pay it if she succeeds in
gaining her independence. If Spain suc
ceeds in re-establishing her authority in
Cuba, she will, of course, - endeavor to
make Cuba pay It. The Interest on the
debt is somewhere near *25,000,000.
It would be practically impossible for
Cuba to raise that amount of money an
nually, besides the taxes for local govern
ment. It can be safely assumed, there
fore. that whether Cuba wins her Inde
pendence or not, owners of Cuban debt3
are bound to lose a great deal of money.
It Is said that the total revenues of the
island since the revolution began two
years ago have been less than *20,000,000.
It will take the people several years after
the war is ended to recover from the
losses which the war has caused them. It
will be a good while before they are in a
condition to bear heavy taxes.
In his sermon at Wesley Monumental
church on Sunday night, the Rev. Mr.
Wii.iams asserted that the prevailing dis
content is misdirected; that the desire
tor gain of worldly possessions is principal,
ly the basis of It, and that in the scram
ble for offices, riches and the like, the
moral side of human nature is not receiv
ing the attention It should. He is right.
There needs to be a moral awakening in
this country; in this section of the coun
try. A glance through the files of the
newspapers for one week (or for a month,
or two months, for that matter), will
show that the telegraphic and .ocal col
ums are filled with reports of murders,
burglaries, defaleations, forgeries, frauds,
embezzlements after trust, rapes, lynch
tngs, burnings, and all manner of crim
inal actions. The papers will show also
that criminals very frequently escape from
the consequences of their crime without
more than momentary inconvenience. The
reports will show that people with a “pufi”
may commit forgeries, or get into a drunk
en brawl and commit murder, yet enjoy
all of the freedom that is enjoyed by those
who lead correct lives. There needs to be
a revival of character and respect for law
and high citizenship. ,
The Florida Citizen, commenting upon
the Morning News’ paragraph of the other
day with regard to the scarcity of Cuban
tobacco and the likelihood that Florida's
cigar trade would suffer If the war In Cu
ba were not soon ended, says
that while our observations are
true, Florida has made gratify
ing progress In the matter of rais
ing tobacco to take the pluoa Of the Cuban
product when that product shall be no
longer oldalnable. "Those who have come
from Cuba ami engaged In tobacco grow
ing in this state are among the most en
thusiastic believers in ilia i.oaaiolllty of
producing a plant that will taka th ptaea
of tlia boat Cuban product," aayt the Clt
lean.
So far as the records go, Kentucky
holds the record for lynehings during
Christmas week, the number being six. It
is a most horrible record, and one which
the good, law-abiding citizens of the state
should make every effort to sponge out.
There is not a county In Kentucky which
has not perfect legal machinery for the
punishment of crime. If the lynchers
made way with their victims because they
lacked confidence in the legal machinery,
they should themselves be run through
the mills of the courts, and thus have It
demonstrated to them that their lack of
confidence was not well grounded.
The Brazilian claim upon Guiana, it
seems, did not amount to much. The Her
ald’s correspondent at Rio de Janeiro tel
egraphs that it has been officially announc
ed by the government that the claim of
Brazil to all territory in Guiana has been
renounced. The announcement was made
recently that the Brlziiian government,
had in its possession documents which
would prove that the territory claimed by
Great Britain and by Venezuela really be
longed to neither of them, but to the Bra
zilian government
PERSONAL.
—Herbert L. Mathews of Kansas City,
Mo., who died recently, was regarded as
one of the greatest authorities on old books
in the west.
—The woman tennis champion of New
Zealand has but one hand, and that is the
left one; but she can serve a ball that is
exceedingly difficult to return.
—Shoes that formerly belonged to Marie
Stuart, Marie Antoinette, Queen Anne
and the Empress Josephine are included
In the large collection of footwear owned
by the Queen of Italy.
David O'Donnell, who was ordained to
the Roman Catholic priesthood In Boston,
is the first graduate ot the academic de
partment of Yale university to enter the
Roman, Catholic priesthood.
—Ex-President Bartlett of Dartmouth
College, says that Japan is filled from end
the apparatus of the latest
civilization, down to the electric car and
the international exhibition.
—lsben has selected the realistic title
“John Gabriel Borkman’’ for his new play
which is about to lie published in five lan
guages at once, Norwegian, English.
French, German and Russian.
—Morocco's sultan Is about to take for
his second wife the daughter of one of his
most powerful vassals. As everyone in
Morocco must contribute a wedding pres
ent, the pqoplo are much discontented.
—lt is not true, according to a cable dis
patch, that Queen Victoria has become a
total abstainer. At her 2 o’clock dinner
she takes a glass of weak Scotch whiskv
and In the evening sips a little wine.
—Joseph Juneau, the founder of the Alas
kan city which bears his name, has just
returned to San Francisco, after an ab
sence of thirty years. He first went to
California by the old overland trail In 1851.
—Dr. Johnson’s aversion to Scotland was
shared by the late Sir Edward Bates, an
English millionaire, who died recently
and who left his money to his daughter’
married to a Scotchman, on condition that
she should not spend more than six months
a year in Scotland.
—Quite in contrast with the materialis
tic temper of the age was that remark
once made by Prof. Agassiz, when of
fered a higher salary if he would remove
to another position than the one he was
so laboriously and faithfullv filling: ”1
cannot afford to Waste my time making
money!”
—A Rockland (Me.) woman, who sings
finely, has developed a very strange ac
complishment—that of singing duets, ear
two se Darate and distinct parts.
The first part is sung in the ordinary voice
while the second part, which is produced
by a contraction of the cheek, is low, but
very distinct.
—The transfer of the body of Pasteur
from Notre Dame Cathedral to the mag
nificent tomb which has been erected in
the Pasteur Institute in the Rue Dutot
took place recently, says the New York
Tribune. Very few invitations to attend
the ceremony had been sent out, as the
friends of Pasteur desired the removal to
be private, and also because there was lit
tle room in the chamber leading to the
crypt where the body of the dead scientist
will permanently repose.
CTHHE.YT COMMENT,
1
Mr. Cleveland’s Idea.
From the Galveston News (Dem.).
Mr. Cleveland's idea Is to have Spain
grant to Cuba an autonomous government
on the Canadian plan, and Spain Is said
to be considering this method of settle
ment.
Not Popular to. Ohio.
From the Cleveland Plain Dealer (Dent.).
"Office-holding is not the highest object
In this life,” says Mr. Bryan, "be the of
fice however great." It would be time
wasted to preach such a heresy in Onio
Just now.
Votes For Jefferson Davis.
From Springfield (Mass.) Republican (Ind.)
Northern papers have shot a number of
gibes at the voters of Arkansas because
several of them at the last election voted
for Jefferson Davis. But there seems to
have been nothing the matter with those
voters. Jefferson Davis Is a citizen of Ar
kansas, alive and well, and before the
fusion was arranged between the demo
crats and populists he was an elector oh
the democratic ticket.
The “New South.”
From the Norfolk Virginian (Dem.).
Every now and then some fellow who
wants to attract attention announces that
he is going to speak on "The New South,’’
and ft is in evidence that on a certain
occasion one of these speakers was una
ble to state positively where Mason and
Dixon's line, was. Asa matter of fact,
there ts no “New South’’—it Is the same
dear old south with Us thousands of mem
ories. It Is little changed, perhaps, but
tlie old south still.
Georgia's Anil-Trust Law.
From Jacksonville Times-Union (Dem.).
To reach foreign trusts. It is provided
by the law that any one Injured may sue
for recovery of the amount of the dam
age done him, and, further, that such
trusts shall not have power to sue In the
courts of the stale That Is to say. if a
citizen of Georgia can buy goods of a
foreign trust on credit, the courts of the
state cannot be employed to compel him
to pay for them. • • * In our opin
lon It will fall, and will do only harm in
Georgia. The community In that state in
which even one man grows rich by cheat
Ing foreign creditors under uuthorllv of
the state law w.U suffer greater loss than
the trusts could have indicted upon It
and not merely moral loss. Character Is
as valuable in business as capital—lt gives
the command of capital. And so or the
whole stats lts solemn declaration
through its legislature that Its citizens
may take property from others, promis
ing to pay, ami may then properly and leg
ally refuse to pay, cannot fad to Injure
its character and credit. This ta.salil on
the assumption that the law will be sus
tained by the courts—but will It be? In
the most interesting phases of Its appli
es Uun it must come before the federal
courts, aa there are no trusts of Import
ance tu Georgia. Will these courts hold
that a company legally existing :u New
York or Illinois can be outlawed In Geor
gia!
A Plea For Tradition.
The hired girl had not l-aated the turkey
with proper regularity; the celery had
frozen, and the mince pies had been left
too long in the oven, so that on the whole
the housewife, whose home is near this
city, had some cause to be less affable
than usual, says the Washington Star.
Meandering Mike observed that she was
not in a sociable frame of mind, but the
promptings of his stomach took the place
of moral courage.
"Madam," he said, with a deferential
bow, which caused him to inadvertently
sweep off some snow with his hat, "1
called "
"You go away from here!” she exclaim
ed, as she tried" to shut the door in his
face.
“Yer ortn’t ter be so hasty. How do you
know that 1 ain't no express messenger
with a box full o’ Christmas gifts fur ye?"
“1 know you’re nothing that’s either use
ful or ornamental,-and I want that door
shut, so that I can get some warmth in
the oven without heating the whole back
yard beforehand.”
"But ”
“I don't care to hear any remarks from
you. Y'ou’re a great big, healthy man, and
yet you shy at the sight of a woodpile
worse than a colt at a girl with bloomers
on. You seem to imagine that all the duty
you owe to society is to travel around the
country and see the sights. You seem to
think society owes you a living, and that
you have nothing to do but go around and
call for it. Where did you get your li
cense to collect taxes from the people of
this country, l*d like to know? When
did you get to be a trust or a gas company?
Have you done anything for the develop
ment of the magnificent resources of this
continent, which is still in the infancy of
a glorious career? Not a thing. You
couldn’t even, wouldn’t even, develop a
bunch of lather on a cake of soap. Have
you contributed any of your energies to
making the human race grander, nobler
or better? Not a thing. The only thing
that you ever produce is an appetite."
Meandering Mike stood in silence at the
door for half a minute or more. When he
had recovered, he exclaimed;
"Lady, lrr.ime congratulate yer. You’re
good. That’s one o’ the best talks I ever
heard.”
"I don’t want any congratulations.”
“But you've earned ’em, an’ the reward
shall not be withheld. Of course. I didn't
pay nothin’ ter git in, an’ it don't become
me to criticise. But I can’t help pointin'
out one fault that spiles the artistic ef
feck o’ the whole bus’ness. It’s a defeck
that I’ve noticed fur the last five miles.
Dere’s a disposition to vi'late the perprl’-
ties dat I cannot contemplate wldout re
gret. Every place I goes now dey seems
determined ter skip de rest o’ de menu,
an’ not have not’in’ but de after-dinner
speeches."
A Matter of Reciprocity.
He had been trying for several months to
pilot a funny paper to success in Chicago,
says the Chicago Times-Herald. The
town refused to support the enterprise
pfoperly and it was moribund. The "busi
ness manager” reported that he could find
no business to manage, and added that the
bills were coming in too fast to be dodg
ed. So the editor with a sigh agreed to
go out with him to hustle for advertis
ing.
On Clark street they saw a crowd stand
ing in front of a window. In the window
was a woman with hair seven feet long.
Inside the place there were other long
haired women, and a loud-voiced “barker”
was busily explaining the marvelous prop
erties of his mag!c hair invigorator.
"Let's go in and strike ’em for an ad,”
said the editor.
"No use. ’ replied the business manager.
"I’ve tried it a dozen times. They won't
do it.”
"Let me tackle ’em. then.” said the ed
itor, and a moment later he had pushed
and elbowed his way through the crowd
and stood before the "lecturer.”
"Good afternoon,” said the editor. “How
are you to-day?”
The hair tonic man stopped talking long
enough to bow.
"Remember me?” continued the humor
Ist.
"N-no, sir; can't say that I do, said the
“barker.”
“That’s mighty queer,” went on the edi
tor. “Don’t you remember that I came in
here three weeks ago and bought a couple
of bottles of your stuff?"
The tonic man couldn’t recall the occur
rence.
"Weil, it isn’t at all strange.” remarked
the humorist, "that you should h'ave for
gotten me. I was as bald as a billiard ball
then, and now look at my hair.”
The lecturer instantly remembered all
about the occurrence. He was surprised, of
course, to see the remarkabie results ac
complished by only two bottles of his cele
brated mixture, and heartily congratulated
the editor. The crowd began buying hair
tonic with all the eagerness of a young
turkey picking up corn.
"I’d like to see you a minute about an
other bottle,” remarked the editor, and the
"barker” took him to the rear of the room
behind a screen.
"You’re all right," said the tonic man- as
soon as they were alone. “Ever been in the
business?”
“No,” replied the humorist, "but I wish
I had. I’ve given you an advertisement;
now I want you to give me one. I’m run
ning the Bazoo, and a column will cost
you S3O even. Is it a go?"
It wap.
A Depraved Parrot
When Joseph Holland returned from his
continental tour last summer says the
Cincinnati Enquirer, no one greeted him
with more evident delight than did a big
gray American parrot, which he had pre
sented to his mother about a year before,
but during the first conversation held be
tween the comedian and the bird the for
mer discovered that somebody had been
teaching his pet bad habits. Before he
had left for Europe polly could carry on
a lively conversation and express herselt
in choice grammatical phrases. It will,
therefore, do readily understood with
what chagrin and mortification Mr. Hol
land heard the parrot give utterance to a
string of slang, interspersed With an oath
or two, that would have done credit to
Chimmie Fadden before he made the ac
quaintance of small bottles. In deploring
the degeneration of the bird’s morality to
their pastor at Quitsit, in Massachusetts,
Mr. Holland said: "I can't for the life of
me imagine where Polly has picked up all
her slang phrases. Somebody has been
teaching her, I suppose, to shock me.”
"Suppose you let me have her over to
my house for a few weeks,” answered the
pastor.
"Delighted!” said Joe. and the next day
found Polly and her brass cage an occu
pant of the curate's domicile, where she
remained for 3bout three weeks, at the
end of which time the minister caused her
to be returned to her owner, together
with the declaration that he was positive
that she was a reformed bird. The post
script to the note which arrived with
Polly said: "Ask her to say her prayers,’
which Mr. Holland proceeded to do, sur
rounded by a group of admiring friends,
who had run down to spend the day.
“Now. Polly, nice bird, say your pray
ers," from Joe brought an immediate re
sponse from his pet, who began to croak:
“Now I lay—now I lay me—now I lay me
down—l lay—lay me—.” she stuttered and
stammered, at the same time picking her
bill with one of her claws. "Now, i lay
me—l lay me down—when suddenly,
straightening up and stretching her neck
to its full length, she fairly screamed:
“Why the h—l don't somebody ask me to
have a cracker?”
Slightly Twisted.
He entered the store hurriedly, with the
air of a man whose mind was tilled by a
weighty commission, says the New York
Press. Those whom he had passed at the
door heard him conning under his breath
a formula which he seemed to fear might
Blip away and be lost. He approached th<
counter like one who wishes it were well
over.
• ”1 wish to get." he said boldly, “some
ribbon for a red baby.”
' The salesgirl's blapk stare seemed to
arouse him to a sense of something lack
lng.
"That is.” he said, “I would like some
baby for rihbed red one."
The salesgirl whs smiling broadly nos
and four cash boys, floor walker and seve
and four cash boys, floor walker and seve
customers gathered and grinned in uni
son.
He begun again. "That Is—of course
you know. I mean, some ribbed red bah
for one—that is—some red ribs for on
baby—some one’s red bsby's riba—some re
ribs for one baby— some—thunder am
guns, where's the way out?”
lie departed on a run.
. Wo l' l ’ !r " •*'! 'he salesgirl thought
fully an hour or so sfterward, “if he coult,
have utaant wmt rd baby ribbon !”
ITEMS OF INTEREST.
—Kerrville, Tex., boasts of a cow which
is possessed of eighteen horns. Two are
on her head, while the remaining sixteen
take the place of hoofs, two projecting
forward and two backward on each foot.
—The British Medical Journal inveighs
against the use of so-called rice powder
for the face, on the ground of its injuri
ous effects on the skin. Some of the rice
powders are alleged to be no longer com.
posed of rice, but of chalk, white lead,
starch, and alabaster in varying propor
tions.
—Argentina’s torpedo boat destroyer
Entre Rios has Just reached Buenos Ayres
froth England, having made the run from
the Island of St. Vincent, a distance of
3,700 miles, without putting into port for
coal. The Entre Rios crossed the Atlantic
in stormy weather and proved herself a
first-rate sea boat.
—When a drop of human blood is placed
between two plates of glass and examined
with a microscope it is seen to contain lit
tle whitish grains called "white corpus
cles.” If the g.ass is warmed to a tem
perature equal to that of the human body
these orpuscles, or phagocytes, as they
are otherwise called, will be seen to put
out and retract minute processes, which,
as if acting the part of feet, enable the
phagocytes to crawl over the surface of
the glass. The phagocytes in our blood
feed upon the microbes of infectious dis
eases when such microbes are introduced
into the system. Phagocytes are the main
defensive means possessed by the living
body against its miroscoplc foes. When
ever a wound is made in any part of the
body the phagocytes, like well trained sol
diers, rush to the breach and make war
upon the putrefactive microbes endeavor
ing to enter the system.
—When the dies the pop
ular belief is that two angels appear at his
head holding a balance, says the Pittsburg
Dispatch. One part points to the east, the
other to the west. In this the dead man's
sins as well as his good deeds are weighed.
Then his soul is transported over a deep
abyss. If he has been a true believer his
passage will be made easy by tw r o ac
companying angels. If otherwise, he will
be obliged to halt many times on the way.
There are seven stations in the abyss. At
the first he is asked in whar manner he has
observed the religious rites prescribed by
Mohammed; at the second he must tell if
he has said his prayers regular.y; at the
third he enumerates his deeds of charity:
at he fourth he must teil how he has ob
served the fasts and festivals; at the fifth
he will be questioned as to his visits to
Mecca; at the sixth prove that he has at
tended to ail his duties regularly and at the
seventh prove that he has never neglected
his family. For every sin some penalty
is exacted.
—An authority on smokng matters says
that not one in a thousand cigar smokers,
and not one in a hundred tobacconists,
treats his cigars as they ought to be
treated. The tobaccon.st alternately
damps them and lets them get as dry at
tinder until every bit of flavor is lost. In
deed, every smoker knows how difficult
it is to get a satisfactory “smoke” even
when he pays a fair price for it. And
the worst of the matter is that the cigar
is well-made, and of good quality, but
it has been ruined in the keeping. A
cool, dry cellar is the proper place to
store large quantities. But you can dis
pense with that not always attainable
store room if you keep your cigars in
wide-mouthed, well-corked bottles. Of
course, those who have studied the mat
ter, and appreciate a good cigar, have
quite a scientific system of treatment. Bui,
for the ordinary run of smokers, all that
is needed is to be sure to get the cigar
while it is in good condition, and then put
it at once In the bottle. Try this plan
next time you buy a box, and you will
be delighted with the result.
—To be overtaken all on a sudden, with
out time for preparation, by a cheeky os
trich, is one of the greatest ills flesh is
heir to, and might result disastrously to
the uninitiated, but old hands are always
all there on an emergency, says the Strand
Magazine. Undoubtedly the best weapon,
barring a wire fence, is a good stout stick
or blunt pitchfork. Asa rule, if a birds
means to have your life or die in the at
tempt he charges from about thirty yards,
when you receive him at the bayonet's
p'oint. He rushes at you with flashing eye,
looking the very embodiment of fury.
Drawing himself up to a hight of ten feet
or more, with wings outstretched and hiss
ing like a cobra, he makes four or five
strikes. You retreat a pace or two, so
as to avoid the fork piercing through his
neck and hold him off at arm’s length till
he learns that his efforts are useless. Draw
ing the fork sharply away you strike him
a blow on the neck, rendering him insen
sible and taking away his breath. This
quiets him awhile, till he recovers from his
bewilderment and makes a fresh charge,
when the fork is again presented.
—A curious relic of the old days of the
paper duties which so much hampered
journalistic enterprise in the first half of
the present , century will shortly come up
for sale at a auction room, says
the Westminister Gazette. It is the first
number of “Berthold’s Political Handker
chief. being a news sheet printed on cot
ton fabric instead of paper, the idea being
to evade the paper duty. It is dated Lon
don. Saturday. Sept. 3, 1831. price four
pence, and the letter press, whicli is fairly
legible, is as remarkable as the material
on which it is printed. The tone of this
news rag is intensely radical, but it repro
duces the order of ceremonial to be observ
fL a V he cor P? a , t ®2 of King William IV
Sf ~S,! leen Adelaide on the following
Thursday, and it is announced that a proc
lamation to the people of Europe will ap
pear in our “next cotton.” It is embel
lished with a medallion woodcut of Nano
!^a/*~i OS S nK . the A1 P S > but tbe inh > this
e ?° rt was 'op much for the cotton,
and the Alps are in a fog and the em
peror on horseback very indistinct.
—Paris is besieged by rats, says the New
lork Press' London correspondence. They
have been thriving and multiplying in k
way that has attracted the attention of
f lun .£ l i’?L Councilors, who are search
ing tor the best method to destroy them
ss mn 'h* n ‘£i Pa l. coun cllor proposes that
$5,000 be offered to the syndicate or per
son who will kill 100,000 rats within the
next month. Some of his colleagues ar
gue that 6 cents apiece is too large a
?° u ? ty L ot t teTa say that It would be*beD
ter to give 5 cents apiece for every dead
f at {J e, 'vered to the city government
which would give the poor people a chance
to earn some money. The first councilor
responds by saying that this would
qu.re a small army of clerks, and the kill
inKvr u l ’ ! )e hcsultory. while the work of
a syndicate would be a harvest of
. T h recent floods have made
the rat nuisance worse than ever. They
are raising havoc in the abattoirs, the
markets and the shops. At night they
appear in the stress In squadrons, and
the gendarmes pursue them with their
sword bayonets by way of diversion.
—Americans who have visited the Bank
of England will remember the great, pomp
?t ÜB ,n^ a u le s "I uniform, who look as
if they had stepped out of a fairy book,
?<icl fh hoS K lj ’ lsl , ne9H iM> nominally, to pro
tect the bank from thieves, savs a Lon-
Stfih 0 ?^? in New York Press. For
In these days they art largely omamentArt
work'butff‘wn
*°„ rk ’ , But all Englishmen love the pres
ence of gorgeous flunkeys. Financiers In
hemi ty ay v °l' ld h j horrified to have the
beadles discharged, or even to have their
uniform changed. It seemed Impossible
thf a . 2 n, 'J, ookln ? beadle tut Hood,
the foremost beadle of all, could be a thipf
£" e .t of i. hi *. prlvllc * feß wis to carve at
gitat city banquets. He was an lrif*ii
itv nk rh y * With i an # air of pompous superior-
IVn'ttcn result of the cultivation of gen
erations of flunkey ancestors. His cheeks
were fat and red, and they were topped bv
“-‘‘"/ray side whiskers. He mro,Te buck
and forth In the Bank of England court
his great mace In hand, with the gloryof
a ( olossus. To see him raise hts knife over
VM'r, Wa f to .hypnoti*e any Bank
or Jangland director Into sweet, dreamy
contemplation of the grandeur of the god/
He carved not onlv with skill hn*
with beautiful inUe'gestures, possibly only
in one whose father, KTunofather and
Kn-uf-grandfather had carved noble joints
on noble occasions. After a time It Uhm
22 k 2l lh- i l whfn#vir h# * <*arvgd at a din
ner given by a great city lord plate dls
aj? I YJ are a burst of verlKjHtty, worthy
of the Duke of Argyll, ho expressed hlw
regret at the mishap which had bowed hU
Sailer. Boma of the
waiters thut he said lie muiii(n , i<rt a..
now, alas! it la known that tin- poor wait
lOliocem. aiel tli.it the* beadle In
grac.fulti* '>■< that fe"
gllf gun\ y y, oVer “• *' tfrt,y *W>l waa hltn- j
THE SHAKERS DO THEIR
DUTY.
to advertise it.’’ Yes, and at ™ dat
suffering demands the speedles X'*
f ,b e " } d Ut J eC the man first be surfS?
fering had better wait than
by false hopes. Medicine, like
ki'nrt 1 cruel ln ordt ’ r 'o be rew
M? Teh" this Prince the Shakerlf
Mt Lebanon. N. Y.. withheld their gat
he ?" , and dys PP ßia remedy Vn
tb6 v,Pa b ! lC for years. With tm
right-doing is everything—money ennir
ativeiy nothing. Hence the
and success of whatever they off? fZ
eale : Slaving: satisfied themselves - the
merit of their medicine by employs it
in tne worst cases of digestive di-Mers
n their own vicinity for years, tiv did
tneir duty-they advertised it, utrr Z
name of the Shaker Digestive Cos ia! i?
all cases where there is distre; after
eating, pain stomach, cist and
back; aversion to food with th result
lng symptoms, such as headach futred
tongue, eructation of gas. with eakne-s
and loss of flesh, etc., the Coral has "a
most happy effect. Being itsel a digest
ed food with power to digest cJer foods
it relieves the weak and posslv inflam
ed etomaeh of the labor it is n j coudi
t on to perform, gives new strigth to t> la
body and presently restores ' the dices
tne organs their normal vor. Taken
Immediately after eating thl remedy in
sure.-; the digestion of the nal and ure
vents the fermentation of th food which
is tlio source of most ofthe afflicted
symptoms which aecompanylyspepsia
it also as agreeable to theaste as a is
potent a-; a medicine.
To show their wn confidace in it and
to hasten its universal adopon, the Shak
ers authorize druggists tosell trial bot
tles at the nominal priced ten cents
Cloak weather is
here sire. Cloaks
are atthis store,
too, f<r
a ni
. j HI.
COIT HAS BERN
REACHED AND
GONE BELOW, and
CLOAKS
lire tee n
If Oil Pit
Take advant
age of the offer
and get a Cloak
way below New
York c*st
Carpets
at big reduction
prices.
Blankets
at every price.
in i
The corner Broughton
and Barnard Sts.
c
L
O
A
K
S
CITY AND SUBURBAN RAILWAY.
WlftTElt SCHEDULE.
Commencing Thursday, Sept. 21, I®-
lale of Hope Schedule—Week Dayi
City Time. _
Leave |
From Isle of | I nto
Hope. |
TaTam Bolton 8L 600 am j Bolton St.
7 00 am Bolton St. 7 10 am Boiton St
900 am Second Ave. 810 am Second A l
10 37 am Bolton St. 9 45 amlßolton St
230 pm|Second Ave. 100 pm Second A'*
400 pmjßolton SL 400 pm,Bo ton m.
600 pm|Bolton St. 600 pm Bolton SL
730 pmlßoltori St, 730 pmißo ton •
830 pm|Bolton St. 19 30 pmjßolton
Saturday night only, 11:00 p. m., froß
Bolton atreet depot. R
Cars leaving from and arriving into
ton street, passengers change at Tnun
hOlt. . -njt
For Montgomery—9:oo a. m. anal .■
6p. m. Leave Montgomery-7 “
12:30 and 5:20 p. m.
For Thunderbolt-Cars leave
atreet depot on every hour and nan
during the day and evening.
TOOL CHESTS
DOLLAR WATCHES,
OIL STOVES,
RAISIM SEEDERS.
MEAT CH JPPERS,
POCKET KNIVES.
SAFETY RAZORS.
Foraalo by _.,t
EDWARD LOVELL'S SON*
TERNE PLATES
rOK SALE BV
C. M. Gilbert & Cos.,
IMPOHTEHS. <
I l -i.te order, at iwswoiaw * ““
I V\ hiulter at, or Teiepaoae **. jgn
I 'l aka Melt uue ran war tot uortucl
I illufl road.