Newspaper Page Text
bright bits of repartee.
KIMiS STABBED WITH THE KEE\
RAPIER OE WIT.
Example* of Humor. Sarcasm. Irony
aixl Wit From Various Sources.
, !r Wesley’s Hetort to tlie Smart
I oil nit Ma n.
From the Chicago Chronicle.
A London pa per has invited its readers
to send to the editor the best samples of
nt.it repartee they ever heard or read.
Judging from the. number of replies the
c, .rld's stock of ready answers must be
v try large. For the proper use of repar
t. cs it is necessary either to recollect, or
i understand them, and it is desirable,
w hen possible, to do both. Such was not
the case with the undergraduate who re
marked upon the shortness of a friend’s
Koß n. and received for answer, "It will
be long enough before I buy another.”
Hugely delighted with this witticism, he
said to the next acquaintance he met,
“My gown is short, but it will be a long
time before I buy another.” To his sur
prise and chagrin the man merely stared
and did not laugh.
What are the conditions of a repartee?
It should be courteous in form, severe in
substance, difficult either to mistake or to
resent. Such was the famous reply of
Provost Goodall to William IV. “When
he goes,” said the king, speaking to Keate
and pointing to Goodall, “when he goes
pil make you him.” “I couldn't think of
going before your majesty,” said the pro
vost with a profound bow. Nothing could
be more absolutely perfect. The king had
been brutally rude. The provost was ex
tremely courteous. But a sterner rebuke
was never administered to a monarch by
a subject.
This is far better and more truly humor
ous than Wilkes’ smart retort to the
Prince of Wales. Wiikes was whistling
"God Save the King.” “How long have
you taken to that tune?” asked the
prince. "Ever since I had the honor of
your royal highness’ acquaintance.” Here
the brutality is on the side of Wilkes.
Among complimentary repartees, the
first place must be given for stateliness
and dignity to the famous answer of Ser
jeant Maynard. The serjeant was present
ed to the Prince of Orange in 1688 as the
oldest practicing member of the bar. The
prince observed rather awkwardly, “You
must have survived most of your contem
poraries in the law.” “Yes,” re
plied Serjeant Maynard, “and if
it had not been for your high
ness I should have survived the law,
too.” That is the revolution in a nut
shell, and one of the great sayings of
the world.
For simplicity and cruelty nothing could
surpass Mr. Roger’s repartee to Lady
Davy. "So, Mr. Rogers, I hear you have
been attacking me.” “Attacking you, Lady
Davy? I waste my whole time in defending
you.” For a combination of malice and
wit the collected works of Voltaire might
lie ransacked for a parallel.
Below’ will be found some of the best
samples of repartee collected by the paper
referred to above:
A military tory candidate was address
ing a meeting of voters in a rural village
at a by-election, which took place toward
the end of 1892. The candidate was known
to be strongly in favor of flogging In the
army, and this was being used against
him with damaging effect. Defending him
self, the orator urged that no necessary
disgrace attached to being flogged. "Why,”
cried he, “I was flogged myself once, and
it was for telling the truth.” “And it cured
'ee naw doubt,” said a rustic in the meet
ing.
The late Dr. John Ritchie of Edinburgh,
a keen abstinence advocate, was forced by
a heavy shower to take shelter in a road
side public house, where he met a num
ber of carters. He remonstrated with
them for drinking, and told them that
drink was their worst enemy. Observing
the doctor’s clerical garb, one of them re
plied boorishly that his kind told them to
love their .enemies, "yes,” replied the doc
tor, “but not to swallow them.”
The notorious Miss Chudleigh (afterward
Duchess of Kingston), while maid of honor
at the court of George 11, had many
scandalous tales rife as to her doings even
in that scarcely moral time and place.
“My lord,” she cried one day to the Earl
of Chesterfield, “I believe you heard what
people say about me—that I have had
twins?” "Madam, I make a point of never
believing more than half of what I hear,”
replied the earl, with a bow.
A gentleman went to look over a house
that was to be let furnished. He was pi
loted through the rooms by a pretty house
maid. As he was leaving he turned to
the girl, saying, “And are you to be let
with the house?” “No, sir,” she replied,
"I’m to be let alone^!
Demosthenes urging the Athenians to
oppose Philip of Macedon is much vexed
with Phocion, who tells them they can
not tight Philip. Says Demosthenes,
“Phocion, you will drive the Athenians
mad some day, and then they will kill
you.” "Yes,” Phocion answered, “me,when
they go mad; and, as soon as they get
sane again, you.”
*
One of the best repartees on record is
that of Foote, the actor. Dining with some
friends, a heated dispute arose between
himself and a young gentleman. The lat
ter sought to disparage Foot# by asking
him what his father was. “A tradesman,"
said Foote. “Then, sir, it’s a pity he did
not make you one.” “And pray, let me
ask, what was your father, my lord?”
"My father, Mr. Foote, was a gentleman.”
“Then, my lord, it’s a pity he did not
make you one!”
In Jowett’s Life the following repartee
is given as one in which "the master”
greatly delighted. A Scotch minister see
ing one of his congregation asleep brought
him up with a pause, and then holding out
a finger said solemnly: “There’ll be no
sleeping in hell, John.” To which the of
fender retorted, “Aye, but It'll no be for
the lack of ministers.”
An officer in the army, seated at the
table d'hote of a hotel, looking significantly
to a clergyman opposite, said: "If I had
a son who was an idiot I would make him
a clergyman.” The clergyman respond
ed, “Very evidently your father was not
of that opinion.”
The following has always seemed to me
*° lie the best short repartee on record.
Shortly after the coup d’etat Lady Bles
eington met Napoleon at a party. She was
e little hurt by the coolness of his recep
"o'i. considering their former Intimacy In
Lngland. and was prepared to exercise her
v '.i ai his expense. So that when he cas
'' asked her: “Do you stay long in
; she replied without a moment's
1 ’ 'cation, “No, do yhu?"
) T late Archlbishop of Canterbury once
n i :in ex-dlssentcr what most impress
' ,|r n in the Church of England. The new
’•i 'll did not wish to offer any opinion
i church, and said: “Any opinion
: ’* !,e both premature and immature."
•ui his grace was very persistent, almost
‘j ;"“deness, whereupon the ex-dlssenter,
. "I am greatly Impressed with the
M’ icr of feeble men in the front ranks,
Si .‘ l J] e number of able men on the back
. That remark closed the conver-
A an election in a rural constituency a
few years ago, at a time when the tide
had turned 6trong'.y in favor of the liberal
party, over the door of the liberal commit
tee-room the following poster was put up:
Vote for Wilkins and the flow
ing tide.
This was followed by a poster from the
conservative side:
Vote for Johnson and dam the
flowing tide.
Dr. Johnson once happened to offend
an individual of the uneducated classes,
who thereupon remarked. "You're no gen
tleman." “You’re no judge,” replied the
doctor.
A conceited fellow’, with some preten
sions to literature, once traveled some dis
tance by rail with Victor Hugo, and en
tertained the great author with much ego
tistic converse. The author of "Les Mis
erables,” having arrived at his destina
tion, was about to leave the train, when
his interlocutor said: "You may perhaps
like to know who I am. I am Victor
Hugo.” "How odd,” remarked the real
Hugo. “So am I.”
Joseph Hutne was of lowly origin, and
someone had the bad taste once to tell
him he .was born on a dunghill. “Yes,”
says Hume, "it is true I was born on a
dunghill, and I am now a member of par
liament. Had my reproacher been born
on a dunghill he would have remained on
a dunghill all his life.”
The Cchoolman Duns Scotus was dining
with the French king of his day, when
the latter jokingly said: “Duns, can you
tell us the difference between Scotus and
Sotus?” “Just the width of the table, your
majesty,” was the prompt reply.
A local preacher, being anxious to in
terview Rev. C. H. Spurgeon, called at his
bouse, but was informed by the servant
maid that the great preacher was engag
ed. "Tell him,” said the caller, "that the
servant of the Lord wishes to see him.’
“Ah!” replied Mr. Spurgeon, “tell the ser
vant of the Lord I am engaged with his
Master.”
Lord Norbury and Counselor Parsons
were passing by the Naas jail in the
judge’s carriage, when Norbury. notic
ing a vacant gibbet, observed: “Parsons,
where would you be if that gallows had
its due?” Without a second’s hesitation
Parsons responded: “Riding alone.”
I w’as present at a conservative public
meeting held in Derbyshire in the autumn
election campaign of 1885. The conserva
tive candidate took exception to a state
ment reported to have been made in a
speech by his opponent a few days earlier
as to what he (the liberal candidate) was
going to do “when I am your represen
tative in parliament.’’ and said: “I think
Mr. (meaning the liberal candi
date) is counting his chickens before they
are hatched." “Ah! but he is a good sit
ter,” shouted a collier from the back of
the hall.
Old Languet, the celebrated cure of St.
Sulpice, was remarkable and disagreea
ble for the importunity with which he
solicited subscriptions for finishing the
church, which is not yet completed. One
day at supper, where Cardinal De Fleury
was, he happened to say that he had seen
his eminence’s portrait at some painter's.
The old cardinaj, who was stingy in pri
vate as well as economical in public ex
penditure, was glad to raise a laugh at
the expense of the troublesome old cure,
and replied: “I dare swear, then, that
you asked it (the picture) to subscribe to
your new church.” “Oh, no, my lord,”
said Languet, “it was too like.”
Sir Nicolas Bacon had once to sentence
a number of malefactors to be hanged.
One of these, by name Hogg, pleaded hard
for mercy, and, among other pleas, put in
that of kinship. “Nay," says Bacon,
“how do you make that out?” Says the
prisoner: “My name is Hogg, and yours
is Bacon, and Hogg has ever been kin to
Bacon.” “Not,” says Bacon, “till it has
been well hanged,” and forthwith con
firmed the sentence.
Dean Trench’s clever snub to an impu
dent young subaltern deserves high rank
as a piece of repartee. The youngster had
asked the dean what was the difference be
tween a dean and a donkey. To which the
reply was that while one had a cross on
his back the other wore it on his breast.
“And what,” returned the dean, “may I
ask, is the difference between a subaltern
and a donkey?” “I don’t know,” was the
response. “Nor do I,” was the dean’s re
ply as he turned away.
A Roman Catholic priest met one day a
lady whose spiritual condition, in his opin
ion, was not satisfactory, and greeted her
with: “Good morning, daughter of the
evil one.” “Good morning, father,” was
the smart reply.
(Scotchman—Well, sir, what did you think
of my country?
Dr. Johnson—Why, sir, that it is a very
vile country, to be sure.
Scotchman (ill pleased)—After all, sir,
God made it.
Dr. Johnson—True, sir, but you must re
member that he only made it for Scotch
men, and for the matter of that, sir, com
parisons are odious, but—God made hell!
Mr. Laiande, dining at the house of Re
camier, the banker, w’as seated between
the celebrated beauty, Mme. Recamier,
and the distinguished wit, Mme. De Stael.
Thinking to be agreeable to the ladles, the
astronomer exclaimed: “How happy I am,
thus placed between wit and beauty!”
“Yes, Mr. Laiande,” sarcastically retorted
Mme. De Stael, "and without possessing
either.” ri
As is well known, the finest poem Ed
mund ’Waller ever wrote was his panegyric
of the lord protector. Yet at the restora
tion the poet addressed another pane
gyric to Charles 11. “Master Waller,”
said the king to him on his coming to
court, "those verses you wrote on Crom
well are, they teil me, lar better than
those you have written on me.” “Sire,”
was the apt and courtier-llke reply, “poets
always excel more in fiction than in truth.’’
A young girl was taken in to dinner by
a solicitor, who probably, considering her
too youthful for it to be worth his while
to make himself agreeable, barely spoke
a single word to her during the meal. It
so happened that she had before dinner
asked him to explain the difference be
tween a barrister and a solicitor, which
he did by telling her that as the latter
was not permitted to, epeak
in court the former had
always to be employed for the pur
pose. At the conclusion of dinner, as the
ladies were leaving the room, she sarcas
tically addressed him in the following
words: “What a pity, Mr. X., you omit
ted to bring your barrister with you this
evening.”
One of the cleverest repartees was that
of Lord Melborune to Mr. Black, who was
editor of the Morning Chronicle. Lord
Melbourne was prime minister and he and
his government were constantly and se
verely attacked In the Chronicle. One day
Lord Melbourne and Mr. Black met in the
Strand, when each inquired after the oth
er’s health. Mr. Black complained that
he was suffering from a bad cold. "Ah.
Mr. Black,” said Lord Melborune, “you
have been lying on damp sheets.”
It is reported of Mr. Wesley that on one
occasion when.he was crossing the Atlan
tic two frivolous young fellows came up
to him one day with solemn faces, ex
claiming, “OU, Mr. Wesley, the devil is
THE MORNING NEWS: SON DAY, NOVEMBER 14, 1807.
dead.” Putting his hands on their shoul
ders and looking equally solemn, the cele
brated minister exclaimed, “My poor fath
erless children, what will you do?”
Mr. Spurgeon was quick at repartees.
After Mr. Charlesworth left the Congre
gationalists and joined the Baptists, some
one said to him in Mr. Spurgeon's hearing,
“So you have changed your views, Mr.
Charles worth ?” “Oh, no,” said Mr. Spur
geon, "he has not; he has only cleaned
his windows.”
. Lord Palmerston and Bishop Wilberforce
Were staying at a country house and when
Sunday came round Lord Palmerston of
fered the bishop a lift to church. The
bishop declined and proceeded on foot,
but was overtaken by rain. When laird
P. passed in his carriage he mockingly
said: “How blessed is he who ne'er con
sents by ill advice to walk,” to which the
bishop promptly answered: “Nor stands
in sinners’ ways, nor sits where men pro
fanely talk."
A CHINESE VIEW OF ENGLAND.
In Cursed With Doctors and Lawyers.
Intemperance Worse Than Opium.
From the London News.
Wanted: Information which shall estab
lish the identity of Mr. Wo Chang, author
of "England Through Chines Spectacles.”
(The Cotton Press.) Mr. Chang tells us
himself that he had the advantage of an
extended ira’ning in the Eng ish language
and literature under a very learned and
wise English tutor residing at one of the
treaty ports. He came, it is added, to
London a quarter of a century ago—ap
parently on a mission not remotely con
nected with the tea trade—and has remain
ed to find fault with us ever since. He
has cut off his pigtail, it seems, and wears
English, dress. We confess that we should
not rub our eyes with amazement if not
merely Mr. Chang’s dress, but a good deal
of what his dress covers, werd found to be
English* We strongly suspect him, in
deed—or some of him—to be nothing more
than a literary artifice, a descendant of
Goldsmith's Lien Chi Altangl. At any
rate, this Heathen Chinee is peculiar,
which the same we are free to maintain.
In brief, he knows a great deal too much
about us not to escape the suspicion of
being—or collaborating with—one of
ourselves.
The freedom with which he grumbles at
us and our institutions encourages the
suspicion. But Mr. Chang has another ex
planation for that. “Panegyric,” he says,
“coming from a foreigner would savor of
vulgarity,” and he "frankly confesses”
that he has abstained from It. Evidently
the figure meiosis is not unknown in
China—or else must have been included in
the curricullum of the very learned and
wise English tutor residing at a treaty
port. For Mr. Chang’s absention from
the vulgarity of panegyric comes to noth
ing less than a sweeping indictment of
our whole social, political, and industrial
system. He bids us set our house in order,
study Confucius, and generally do as the
Chinese do. He contrasts the British and
the Celestial Empire, and the com
parison, if he will pardon us a familiar
idiom, knocks us endways. We are lawyer
-ridden; in China there is not a single
lawyer. Our doctors arc humbugs and
extortionate; the Chinese have adopted
the simple rule ot “No cure, no pay.”
Our intemperance is notorious; w cas in
China opium is only used as “tlu .ojther
of ruffled minds among the poor”—though
it may Jiere and there be carried to
excess. As for our family life, it is
abominable. It is the degrading custom
in the rich middle and upper classes in'
England to give bribes a dowry. Mr. Chang
cannot trust himsedf “to refer at length
to the monstrous injustice committed by
the vast majority of even middle-class
husbands in occupying the best part of
their leisure with professional or com
mercial friends, or in the smoke-rooms
and billard-rooms of clubs, casting the
burden of training their families on the
mothers.”
There is a still deeper abyss of British
parental neglect, the habit of leaving chil
dren to governesses and tutors. Thus chil
dren grow up without affection or respect
for their parents. How different the state
of affairs in China, where “filial piety is to
the national Constitution what liberty is
to the Constitution of England,” and they
have a favorite proverb that, “Of the hun
dred virtues, filial duty is the chief.” The
Chinese son who forgets this proverb gets
a pretty sharp reminder of it, as a little
story told by Mr. Wo Chang will show.
“A man and his wife once joined in mal
treating the hubsand’s mother. To mark
public abhorrence of such vile criminality
as distructive of the fundamental principle
of Chinese government, the authorities at
Pekin had the scene of the dreadful act
openly cured. The active agents in this
outrage on the peace of the empire were
put to death, the mother of the wife was
bambooed, branded, and exiled for her
daughter’s crime: the scholars of the dis
trict for three years were not permitted to
attend the public examinations, and their
promoion was thereby stopped; the magis
trates were deprived of their office and
banished. The house in which the offend
ers lived was dug up from the found
ations.” With this anecdote, we think
it only fair to Mr. Chang to couple
the modest assertion, which he
makes elsewhere, that, “ass a
whole, it will be found that the Chinese
have been more rational In their punitive
administration than the English have
been.”
One of Mr. Chang’s most engaging chap
ters deals with “Liars in England.” Nat
urally, it runs to some length. The great
scholar. Mang Chefan, it seems, has re
marked that "great trading always breeds
many liars”; .and Mr. Chang can confirm
this from his personal experience. When
he settled in London he weighed his meat,
like Mr. Goldfinch in "A Pair of Specta
cles,” (not Chinese,) and found it several
ounces short. He bought a lactometer,
"being of a mechanical turn of mind and
Interested in useful instruments* of all
kinds,” and the revelations of that lactom
eter were awful. As for his butter, it was
so recondite and baffling even to the most
useful instruments that he has now "sub
stituted the best dripping." The very first
Englishman he employed as a traveler in
the tea business deceived him. “yet this
corporate mass of pulpy corruption could
obtain a flaming certificate from his
clergyman." There was another English
man who actually lied about his know
ledge of Kant and Hegel, but two German
friends of Mr. Chang's set a trap for this
man and laid bare his imposture. Then, we
are told, "they rose up and politely In
formed this parasite on the skirts of an
intelligent and cultered society that he
was a liar of a certain unnameable dis
cretion, and manifested their senses of
loathing toward him by withdrawing
from the room.” Mr. Chang promises
a further volume, dealing, among other
matters, with the merits of our newspaper
press. We tremble.
Dyspepsia and general debility are cured
by P. P. P., Llppman's great remedy, the
(superior of all sarsapariilas.
P. P. P. is the greatest tonic for the
stomach that was ever known.
Indigestion, bad dreams and biliousness
give way rapidly to the powerful tonic
and blood cleansing properties of P. P. P.
A prominent railroad su|<erintenJent
says he feels better than he ever did, and
he had the worst case of dyspepsia on
record. He had no appetite, and the little
ne ate disagreed with him, causing aim
to vomit often; he had pains in the head,
breast and stomach; but after using three
bottles of P. P. P. he felt like anew roan.
He says that he feels that he could live
torever if he could always get P. P. P.
His name will be given on application
to us. Sold by all druggists.—ad.
Florida Contra! & Peninsular Railroad Cos.
xii Mitre Shortest Line to Tampa, 34 Miles Shortest Line to Jacksonville.
TIME TABLE I.N EFFECT SEPT. 20, ISU7.
NORTH. j Train j Traitfjj ~ SOUTH. fTrain I Train"
r 36 I 88 I 35 37
f* v Tampa ; 7 3.jam; glOpmJlLv New York liaTsami 4 30pm
1 . 9. rla , ndo i 82i ->m| 815pmj]Lv Philadelphia 350 am; 0 55pm
r' t L 1 I <7am| 2 llamljLv Baltimore 6 22am; 9 20pm
t r, ac “ sonv ‘l'® | 7 uupm| 8 15nm’jt,7 Washington U 16ain,10 43pm
Lv bernandina ] 6 45pm| 7 suum| Lv Richmond V 2 ot)ii'nj 2 Ooam
Lv Brunswick s 15pm; 9a>ani;:Lv Asheville 3 u6pm
Lv Darien | 4 25pm| 9 30aroj Lv Co,umbia 12 47um|ll 66am
Ar Savannah II 25pm;12 13pm]]Ar Savannah 6 00am, 4 36pm
Lv Savannah ,11 36pm:12 20pm I.v Savannah .7. 5 iuam| 4 43pm
Ar Augusta | 8 46pmj Ar Darien 122Spm| 7 ltipm
Ar Columbia | 424ain] 4 15pm;;Ar Brunswick 7 45am; 8 00pm
Ar Asheville 2 4epm| hAr Fernandina 9 30am; 9 20pm
Ar Knoxville j 7 25pm: HAr Jacksonville DlOamj 9 30pm
Ar Cincinnati 7 15.im| |]Ar St. Augustine 10 30am
Ar Richmond ............76 25ian 60Cam! Ar Ocala 1 53pm| 306 am
Ar Washington j 935 pm 6 42amMl Tampa A | 0 16pm| 8 20am
Ar Baltimore 1125 pm - n’,.iu: Ar T.i ri.ilmssee ...X 7| S'SOpml.T
Ar Philadelphia j 2 56am|10 16am Ar Pensacola 1100pm]...,
Ar New York | 6 23am]12 43pm |Ar Mobile ... | 3 term
|(Ar New Orleans j 7 leumj
”j I TraliT | ff Train"
__ 1 1 II L L 39 _
Lv Savannah | | 5 00pm IjLv Denmark j | 4 00am
Ar Denmark ! ; 9 30pmj;Ar Savannah | i 9 30nm
Trains 39 and 40 dldly except Sunday, stop for local business.
Pullman buffet sleepers Jacksonville and New York on trains 35 and 36 and Jack
sonville and Cincinnati via Asheville without change.
Pullman buffet vestlbuled sleepers between Tampa and New York on trains 37
and 38,connecting at Charlotte with southwestern vestlbuled limited train.
For full information apply to A. O. MACDONELL. G. P. A., Jacksonville, Fla.
N. S. PENNINGTON. Traffic Manager, Jacksonville, Fla.
I. M. FLEMING, Division Passenger Agent, Savannah, Ga.
Trains leave from central depot, corner West Broad and Liberty streets.
THE LONGEST TROLLEY ROAD.
IT BINS THROUGH BOSTON AND
OVER 124 MILES OF COT 'THY.
Sleepers to Be A.l.lcd-Sn Convenient
„n,| Clean That They Win Soon
Have All the Comforts of Home.
Hound tl.e World On a Trolley.
Boston. Nov. 12.-YOU Will soon be able
to go around e world on a trolley.
This is not an extravagant assertion.
The financial success of the trolley road
is such that capitalists are constantly ex
tending it. a.*l every year sees Important
additions to the service.
innovations are made beyond those of
improvements in the electric supply. The
same old broom-stick trolley is in favor
and will continue to be used, and the im
provements are in the evenness of the
roadbed and the constancy and infalli
bility of the running.
The longest trolley road in the world
now is 124 miles in distance. It is over
a system beginning in Fairhaven, Conn,
and terminating in Nashua, N. H. From
Fairhaven the route runs directly east to
New Bedford, and then zigzag to all the
important places, proceeding north on Its
way It touches at Fall River, Taunlon,
Bridgewater, Brockton, Braintree, Quincy,
Boston, Malden, to Melrose, and thence
on ,0 Wakefield. Reading, Wilmington.
Billerica, Lowell, Dracut and Nashua. It
goes through three
Massachusetts and New Hampshire-and
its route lays along some of the most beau
tiful scenery in New England.
Persons wishing to travel from b air
haven .0 Nashau. N. H„ could get on
at the former place and sit slil> until
arriving at the latter. The journey would
take about twenty hours. Under ordinary
circumstances there need be no change
of cars, and the distance could projrably
be made in a little less time.
But, of course, no one cares to si
twenty hours in a trolley even in the In
terest of money saving, and the person
taking the journey would probab.y make
stops at New Bedford and Bnintree,
and then proceed along to Lowell and
Wilmington.
But it is proposed to so arrange troi
ley cars that persons wishing to travel
in them can be accommodated just as
though they would be in the ordinary
steam cars. Plans are now being con
sidered by the directors of the trolley lines
to introduce dining cars, and the question
of the trolley sleeper is also being we.l
considered, and a very nice arangement
for them has been presented to the trol
ley directors.
This arrangement is for the prov.ding
of berths along each side ot the trolley
car. By day these can be lifted up and
seats enjoyed by the window. The sides
can tie also lowered and the person trav
eling can be in an open car. At night the
window’s can be lifted and the berths let
down. This would give every facility for
sleeping without deprlvir/; the traveler
of the pleasure of riding in the open car.
The cost of a trip on a trolley under
these circumstances would be something
more than the regulation 5 cents and less
than the regular sleeping car fare. A
compromise Would probable be made be
tween the two, making the trolley sleepei
price about 50 cents. The cost of running
the trolley is so small that the projectors
could afford to give all the comforts of
home without charging the regular high
rates for them. . ,
Once fitted out with the electric plant
the trolley road costs little to keep in op
eration. If the batteries are kept sup
plied the cars go as soon as the current
is established. This is done by the motor
man with a turn of the wrist. The ques
tion of mechanism is such a simple one
that if can be mastered by even unskilled
workmen, and to guide the trolley through
country requires nothing beyond a little
mechanical instruction. The question of
accident is almost to be put out of the
way because in case of a runaway the
brakes will check the cars. The only prac
tical difficulty is that of blockades or
stoppages when for some reason the elec
trie current is interrupted. But’the trol
ley roads have their wagons always mov
ing back and forth between the trolley re
pair shops and no great delay Is neces
sary.
It Is said that the directors of the differ
ent trolleys arc combining upon a plan for
day riding. (Something like five cents for
six hours is their agreement. A person
taking a car at Fairhaven at 9 o’clock In
the morning could ride until 3 for 5 cents.
The fare would then be collected and the
passenger could ride until 9. He couid
then, did he not care to ride six hours
longer, leave the car and take sleeping
accommodations in a hotel and resume his
Journey next day. But this would cost
him more than to take a berth in the
sleeping car. and he would probably com
promise with himself by doing the latter
were it provided on the trolley.
There are advantages and disadvantages
in trolley car riding.,. The disadvantages
are the delays that are neeeosarily greater
than by steam traffic. This is owing to
the fact that trolleys go througn cities
where the speed is limited to a very few
miles an hour. It is also because the trol
ley can be stopped at every few blocks,
and at every cross roads there are people
to take It. These are serious objections
to the man of business. For people of
leisure, however, the new way of riding
suggests many possibilities. Free from
dust and without noise, they can go from
one side of the continent to another. Trol
ley parties around the worid will be the
next fad. Grant Eldrldge.
GEN. GRANT’S COUSIN AN EARL
PREPARATIONS Foil THE COMI'G
tF AGE OF THE ELEV ENTH '
' earl of sea field.
Scottish “Grants of Grant” The
Young Earl Closely Resemble* His
Cousin, I Iysses ,S. Grant Third—Has
Lately Come Into Ills Fortune.
New York, Nov. 12,-When Gen. Grant
became famous, the genealogists traced
out for him an ancestry which connected
him wilh the ancient Scottish family of
the "Grants of Grant,” the heads of
which liouso have been many years Earls
of Sea field. y
l*he general was aware of the relation
ship, and while he pretended to be amused
by it, was secretly well pleased at the dis
tinguished blood that ran in his veins.
His close resemblance to the then living
earl was curiously noted l>y him. And
could he be alive to-day he would be much
interested tn following up the same re
semblance between h!s grandson and the
young earl of almost the same age, who is
just celebrating his majority.
The Grants first became prominent in
1214, when Alexander II was King of
Scotland and Gregory de Grant was
sheriff of Inverness. The family has just
been brought into notice again by the
commg of age of the eleventh Earl of
Seafield, the son of a farm laborer in New
Zealand, and the return of the young man
to Scotland.
Stranger than a creation of fiction has
been the history of the vicissitude* of
the Scottish Grants. Death and poverty
have been busy with them of late years.
So rapidly have the bearers of the title
of Seafie.d died that the widows of the
seventh, ninth and tenth earls are still
alive, and it is the first mentioned dow
ager, the great aunt of the present earl,
who has whatever property has been
saved out of the wreck of the fortunes of
this Illustrious house.
The ninth earl was so poor that he
W’as unable to provide properly for his
son, Francis William, and the young man
wandered out to New Zealand, where he
got" employment as a farm hand, and, be
ing an industrious and hardworking man,
he managed to acquire a little farm of
his own. and became a notability in the
little colonial community in Oamaru
where he lived.
Everybody knew he was an heir of the
bankrupt Earldom of SeatlebJ, but did not
think any the less of him for that, as he
never put on airs. As Farmer Grant he
talked crops and politics with the country
folk, and wms as good a Judge of top
dressing as anybody in fhe neighborhood
Finally Farmer Grant was elected to the
local legislature, and was as proud of the
distinction as any of his ancestors bud
been when royal hands were showering
lands and peerages upon them.
One day in 1888, when Farmer Grant
went to the country post-office for his
mail, driving down to the village in his
farm W’agon, he found a letter from Scot
land telling him that his father was dead,
and that he was Sir James Ogllvie-Grant!
Earl of Seafield, Viscount Reidhaven
Baron Ogilvy of Deskford and Cullen’
Baron Strathspey of Strathspey, and a
baronet. That was all right, as far as
titles went, but titles would not build a
new barn or put in another crop of pota
toes, and titles was all that Farmer Grant
had inherited.
So he drove slowly back to the farm,
thinking all the while of the strange things
that happened to noble families. “When
Grant had begun to do well enough in New
Zealand to support a wife he had mar
ried Annie Trevor Gorry Evans, a daugh
ter pf the noble house of Cprberry, who,
for the love she bore him had been content
to follow his fortunes and become a far
mer’s wife In far-off New Zealand.
They raised six children, three boys and
three girls, and had given those old enough
to go to school the best education that
they could In that far-away place. Mrs.
Grant herself had attended to the teach
ing of the younger ones in the time she
could spare from her many household du
ties, and, more than all, they had been
brought up to be honest and God-fearing,
and to look forward to a life of industry
such as their parents had lived. That same
sturdy Grant character which made the
ancestors of Gen. Grant hard-working and
respected citizens of Connecticut and fin
ally crowned him with days undying, was
evinced in the farm-house at Oamaru.
When Farmer Grant arrived home and
told his wife that she was a Countess, she.
“like a well-conducted person, went on
cutting bread and butter” for the chil
dren’s supper, and there was no stir in
the household, though It Is probable that
when the hired man’s snores resounded
from the garret, and the chil
dren were all peacefully asleep, there was
a long talk between the good farmer and
his wife as to what might have been and
the prospects which the children had If
"Aunt Caroline” should take one of them
Into favor.
Aunt Caroline was the Hon. Caroline
Stuart, daughter of William Robert, elev
enth Lord Blantyre, and widow of the
Earl Seafield, and she held the family es
tates so that while Farmer Grant knew
that he would now be entered in the
“Peerage” as having "seats” at Cullen
house, Banffshire; Grant Lodge, Elgine;
Castle Grant and Balmacaan, Inverness,
his little farm at Oamaru would be still
put down as his “residence.”
Farmer Grant lived only nine months
after his accession to the earldom, and
when he died his oldest boy, James, car
ried on the farm until he became of age.
In the meantime his royal clansmen In
Scotland had not forgotten him, and had
kept watch over the outgoing and incom
ing of their hereditary chief.
Last April the boy became of age, and
there arrived for him an address from
the Clan Grant, and, stealing a while
Plant System.
7 rains operated by I>OU Jicriautu 11 me—Oue hour slower than City Tims.
READ DuWN. jj 'XI lit, V A Kb. fj READ LP. .
I I6j-73 |32 7l ~ Tr |23 T"jj "" ’
I |Dally jDuily Dallyjj In Effect Oct. 20, 1897. ||Dully;Daily Daily| [
I | 6 00a;12 sQajl2 50p;;Lv ....Savannah...; Ar/i x 24a, 2 46a 7 40pj
|U 59a 5 lua 4 50p,,Ar ....Charleston... Lv|| 6 SOajll Oop 335 p
I I 6 50P 4 20a |Ar Richmond... Lv:; 7 3upj 9 Usa |
1 11 Dpj 7 41a ( Ar ...Washington... Lv"| 3 46p] 4 30a
I I j 45aj1l 25a Ar ..Philadelphia... Lv 12 09pJ12 05a !
• 1 1 !*> “-“I 2 03p;;Ar —New York.... Lv|j 9 30aj 9 OOp
307 i j 21123 !35 |’j ~||321781 24 126 3oT~
_ Ex * Jr „Ii II II | | Ex- Sun. Ex
_ull, 1 ’D rily,D.-uiy Pally|| ||Dally|Dally]Bun. On!y.|Sun.
‘ J’I’, 1 ’, : 4 OOpI 3 00a| s tla Lv Savannah.... Ar 12 30p|12 30aj 9 50a 8 60a I ( l|s
} I 5 4S P| 4 34a1 10 07aj|Ar Jeeup Lvljll 07a!10 45p 7 31a 7 07a 10 30a
• I 1 °°P| 5 40a,11 OOuijAr .... Waycross Lv ;10 10a 9 20p 6 00a 6 00a 6 10a
1 1 ®6aj | 2 23p ,Ar Albany Lvj| | 3 40p|12 65a 12 55a
a| 1 00p ,Ar ...Jacksonville.. I.v , 8 20a, 7 00p) .....7.7777
1 1 12 10p| 4 30p Ar ....Gainesville.... Lv ! 3 15a| 3 50p| 7 ....... „”L
I I 2 30p| 6 25p Ar Ocala Lvj| 1 3oh| 2 00rt.
I .11 ,: *l 1 04p.,Ar .... Valdosta .... Lv’ f. !spj 4 12a 4 12a’.77717
I * ■ |:,a l 9- 20 pAr ...Montgomery... Lv; 7 55a| 8 OOp 8 OOp
I 7 26p| 7 4fln Ar ..New Orleans... Lv! 7 Eop 7 soa 7 55a
; I 7 -.a: | 4 10p| Ar ...Clm In nail Lv it SOajll OOpJU OOp r .....
All trains except Noa. 23, 32, 35 and 78 mako all local stops.
Pullman buffet sleeping cars are operated as follows: Nos. 35 and 32 between
Now York and Jacksonville, New York and Port Tampa via West Coast and
Jacksonville and Nashville via Montgomery. Nos. 23 and 78 between New’York
and Jacksonville. No. 21 between Way cross and St. Louis via Montgomery Way
crons and Nashville via Atlanta, Wayeross and Jacksonville, and Jacksonville and
Port Tampa. No. 32 between Port Tampa and Jacksonville.
Steamships leave port Tampa for Key West and Havana 9:00 p. m Mondays and
Thursdays. ,
E. A. ARMAND, City Passenger and Ticket Agent. De Soto Hotel
B. W. WRENN, Passenger Traffic Manager.
H. C. MeI’ADDEN. Assistant General Passenger Agent.
GEORGIA AND ALABAMA RAILWAY
SAVANNAH SHORT LINK
Passenger Schedules. Effective Oct. 3, 1897.
72 Miles Shortest Operated Line Between Savannah and Montgomery. 26 Miles
Shortest Operated Line Between Savannah and Columbus.
’ l'- C'7 & P. | a7“C\ Line. |j [j ~aT~c7 LlneTT F. C. & P."'
12 15am 4SOpirl 900 pm) BSlam v.v ...New York.... Aril 2tis'pmi <s3am <23am 1243 pm
3 oOamj 6 55pm112 0i n’t|l2 09n'n|:Lv .’.Philadelphia. Art;ll 25am| 345 am 2 56am 1015 am
6 22aml 9 2tpm| 2 50am| 2 25pm :Lv ...Baltimore... Ar|| 9 Usam|l2 53 n't U 35pm 8 00am
11 16am 10 43pm| 4 30aml 3 4ipm Lv ..Wuslungton... Aril 7 40am111 10pm 9 25pm 6 42am
| 9 05nm| 7 30pm||Lv ...Richmond... Ar j | 4 20am 6 60pm
1016 pm 9 25am; j|Lv ..Charlotte Ar!| 8 50am 8 20pm
12 47am!1l 55am I | Lv ....Columbia.... Ar|j 4 24am 4 16pm
| I | 8 06amM Ar ,G. &'A.crossing Lv|) |
5 00am | 435pm| 2 40am! 8 24am||Ar ....Savannah... Lvl|l2 50n’n|12 60 n’t|li 35p’m 12 20pm
79 I I I H H || |~ 18 "j— j 35
1 JOpml | 7 55am|iLv ...Savannah.. Ar | 8 35pm lTSoam
7 45pm; | 8 16amj|Ar .C. A S. crossing Lv ) 8 28pm ......... 11 Ssam
10 26pm| r 10 03amjjAr Collins Lv | 6 23pm 8 42am
12 55am 1 11 58am! |Ar Helena Lv 1 4 15pm 5 43am
2 14am| f 12 48n’n||Ar ....Abbeville.... Lvj 325 pm 4 35am
*9 15amj 4 35pm)|Ar ...Fitzgerald... Lv | 1125 am *6 00pm
335 am 1 1 50pm|! Ar Cordele Lv | 2 20pm 315 am
11 00am| | | Ar Albany Lv | 4 00pm
6 07am| | | 3 09ptn; Ar ...Amerlcua Lvj 12 63n'n 129 am
6 15am| j | 4 00pm|jAr ....Richland.... Lv] 11 55am 12 !oam
•10 30am| | |5 20pm||Ar ....Columbus... Lv 10 30am *4 15pm
12 47pm *8 15iim!jAr —Dawson Lv *6 10am 307 am
63(iam| 421pmj|Ar ....Lumpkin.... Lv 1128 am 11 43pm
8 26am] 5 fDpmjjAr ...Hurtsboro.... Lv 9 46am 9 06pm
10 45am 7 sopm,|Ar ..Montgomery.. Lv 7 50am 7 40pm
7 30pm 12 22 n’t| Ar ...Birmingham. Lv 4 51am 4 00pm
8 20pm |j Ar ....Chicago I,v 10 10am 7 OOpra
| 7 32pm||Ar ....St. Louts.. Lv 12 20 n’t 8 56pm
3 50pm| | 3 06am||Ar Mobile Lv| 12 20 n’t 12 58n’n
8 10pm| (.7 40am||Ar . New Orleans.. Lv(| | 7 50pm 7 56am
‘Dally except Sunday.
Train No. 17 makes close connection at C. ’and S. crossing with C. and S. train
No. 35 from New York, Washington, Richmond and Charleston.
Connecting at Savannah by all trains, with steamship lines for Baltimore, Phil
adelphia, New York and Boston; with Plant system, and .Florida Central and Pen
insular; Atlantic Coust Line for points north; with Savannah and Atlantlo Rail
way for Tybee.
At Cob 111s with Collins and Reldsvllle railroad and Stlllmore Air Line.
At Helena with Southern railway for all points thereon.
At Cordele with Georgia Southern and Florida for Macon and beyond; also with
Albany and Northern railway for Albany.
At Richland with Columbus division for Columbus. Dawson and Albany.
Trains 17 and 18 carry Georgia and Alabama Railway new and magnificent buf
fet parlor cars.
Trains 19 and 20 carry Pullman Palace sleeping cars between Savannah and
Montgomery. ... .
Tickets sold to all points and sleeping car berths secured at ticket offlca, corner
Bull and Bryan streets, or at West Broad street passenger station.
CECIL GABBETT, First Vice President and General Manager.
A. POPE, General Passenger Agent. C. C. MARTIN. Agent.
J. J,. BECK, Soliciting Agent.
> CHAS. N. RIGHT, Assistant General Passenger Agent.
A. M. MARTIN. Ticket Agent, corner Bull and Bryan streets.
€ Central of Georgia Railway Cos.
Schedules In rffre* INoi/. 13. 1097.
GOING WEST, READ DOWN(| || GOING EAST, READ UIC
No. 9 | No. 7 | No. 3 | No. 1 || Central J| No. 2 | No. 4 | No. 8 | No.lif
except (except j dally, dally.|| or 90th || Uuily.| daily. |except |except
Sund'y;Sund’y| | || Meridian time. || | [Sund’y|Bund'y
2 OOpm I 6 00pm 9 00pmi 8 45am])Lv .’.Savannah Ar|| 6 30pm| 6 00am’ 7 48ami 4 60pm
305 pm 7 04pm 10 03|jm| 959um,;Ar ...Guyton — Lv; 6 24pm 4 51am 648 am 345 pm
H 19pm 1110am] Ar .Rocky Ford Lv 4 14pm 342 am
8 35,’ini 1 50pm: Ar ...Augusta.. Lv 150 pm 8 40pm
[ t 1 40pm t 8 SOpmj Ar Mllledgeville Lv t 6 30am t 345 pm
t 3 20pm|tl0 Oopm| Ar ...Eatonton.. Lv f 5 25am t 130 pm
1 355 am .3 45pm|[Ar ....Macon.... Lv 1155 am 1138 pm
’’ 120On’n j|Ar ..Madison.. Lv 4 13pm
t 105 pm | Ar .Carrollton.. Lv t 210 pm
j 9 35am 8 40pm] Ar .Fort Valley Lv 6 39am 6 30pm
j” ” 207 pm lOOlpmjAr .Amerlcus... Lv 5 18am 1 27pm .....
1 20pm 1 Ar ..Opelika... Lv 2 45pm
” 6 37pm | Ar .Birmingham Lv 9 45am
BETWEEN SAVANN AH AND TYBEE.
_ | Dally j Dally IBund’Y
|ex. Sun. | | only
Going” leave Savannah | 5 15am] 2 OOpm 1 9 00am
Returning, leave Tybee | 6 30amj 4 36pm|40l0am
Trains marked t run dally, except Sunday.
Time shown Is 90th meridian, one hour slower than Savannah city time.
Solid trains between Savannah, Macon and Atlanta.
Sleeping cars on night trains between Savannah and Augusta, Savannah and
Macon, Savannah and Atlanta. Parlor cars between Macon and Atlanta.
Passengers arriving Macon at 3:50 a. m. can remain In sleeper until 7 a. m.
For further Information and for schedules to all points beyond our line, applj;
to W. G. BREWER, City Ticket and Passenger Agent, 39 Bull street.
J. C. HAILE, General Passenger Agent, Savannah, Ga.
THEO. D. KLINE, Gen. Superintendent. E. H. HINTON, Traffic Manager.
from his farm labors, the young man read
at the close of the address, “We recall
with pride that, notwithstanding the ad
verse circumstances with which for years
you have contended, you have never for
gotten your obligations to your noble line
age, and have throughout maintained the
character of an honorable and an upright
man, and had the respect of all with whom
you have come In contact.”
There came also a letter from Aunt
Caroline, Inviting the young earl to visit
the land of his ancestors and see the
family estates. So James, being now able
to afford the trip, determined to make a
visit to Scotland, and the other day he
arrived in London on his way to visit
his great aunt, who will undoubtedly make
him her heir. When he arrived in Dune
din, New Zealand, to take the steamer
for "home,” the Scots in that colonial
seaport gave him a dinner as a "send off,”
and to an address the young man replied
tn a vein which has the true Grant ring.
He said: “In a retrospective sense it)ls
Impossible for one in my position to re
gard events in connection with the for
tunes of my house with other than mix
ed feelings: but, with Qod’s help and
the support of your kindly sympathy, I
shall endeavor to shape my life that I
may hope each year to still further win
the good will of all true clansmen, both
at home and abroad.”
Carolina, Countess of Seafleld, lives
much of the time at Cullen house,
which is filled with rare pictures con
nected with Scottish history. In the north
she is much beloved for her many acts
of charity.
The young earl will be possessed some
day of rare lands, which Includes the
present shooting box of the Bradley-Mar
tins. Irving King.
—One of every 100 young men Inscribed
for military service In 1896 in Italy scarce,
ly forty-two were found fit for service,
forty-nine were either held over till the
following year or rejected altogether,
while the remaining nine represented the
deserters. Italian sociologists ascribe the
causes, the backward condition of hygiene
In remote localities, poor food, lied schools
and the complete absence of an organized
system of gymnastics for youth.'
19