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The Scmi-Wcckly Journal
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THURSDAY. SEPTEMBER 4. 1992.
Begin to save your money. The circus
xaan will need It.
Th® automobile continues to make a new
death record almost every day..
The people of Tifton are opening the
ayes of the blind tigers down that way.
Were there mosquitos in the garden of
Eden, asks an exchange. Well, we hope
Mt.
First Citizen Morgan still declines to tell
ua what he is going to do about the coal
strike.
General Corbin was one of the sights
that the king of Italy saw when he en
tered Berlin.
If patience and perseverance get a man
anything David B. Hill has the presi
dential nomination nailed down.
A aatdway show that can shock the Au
gusta city council ought to be able to do
• land office business in Savannah.
* When Governor Candler asserts that ho
isn't out of politics, it merely goes to
show that he isn't informed, that s all.
It ia not Improbable that the police will
have to interfere during Uie second round
of that South Carolina senatorial tight.
The presidential boom of Mayor Harri
son collapsed more suddenly and more
completely than such inflations usually
do.
The public executioner of Paris Is said
to be an enthusiastic automobilist. It is
bard to break a man of old habits, evi
dently.
We are inclined to believe the story that
moat desperate criminals are single men.
We know bow harmless we have been
ever since.
Governor Candler ought to take a look
at Senator Maeon as a horrible example
of a man who is staying in politics just
for revenge.
It would be a low down trick for some
foreign nation to declare war on this
country while both Generals Miles and
Corbin are away.
The Chicago police may justify their as
sertion that there is no gambling In that
burg by explaining that gambling implies
the idea of chance.
If all the thirteen southern governors
pile at once on Pierpont Morgan and his
wicked railroad merger they should be
able to bold him a white.
Admiral Von Diedrichs has resigned
from the German navy. He will go Into
history as the man whom Admiral Dewey
called down in Manila Bay.
' Saratoga baa regained its long lost pop
ularity and is now the recognised gamb
ling eenter of the country. New Orleans
has taken a seat away back.
Speaking of heroes a western newspa
per remarks that the man who returns
his property foe taxation at full value has
tbs beat title to that distinction.
Wo sincerely hope the Sultan of Turkey
will settle up before the time comes
around for the paragraphed to apply that
Thanksgiving joke to the situation.
It la dangerous to talk about preachers
fcj Tennessee. A reverend brother who
was charged with drunkenness and im
morality has ehot and killed two of his
accusers.
No doubt President Roosevelt would
have as readily given bis consent for Gen
eral Mfles to go to the place that the Rev.
Sam Jones says is only half a mile from
Savannah.
It remains to be seen whether Virginia,
under her new constitution, will be able
to get any more definite results in her
coming election than Alabama and South
Carolina did.
A German scientist has discovered that
■eventy-fiv-a per cent of the women who
wear veils Impair their sight. But that
won't matter with the women as long as
it helps their look.s
President Roosevelt s body guard was
increased to twenty men while he was in
Boston. Probably feared he might forget
himself and bite a few antl-lmperlalists If
not closely watched.
London drinks less than half as much
water as New York and yet has a million
and a half more people. The sufficient
explanation Is the quality of London water
and the cheapness of London beer.
Attorney General Knox, before sailing
for Europe, expressed Jhe opinion that
edngrees will take up the trust question
at its next session. But the trusts won't
care so long os it is a Republican con
gress.
After a brief rest Mr. Andrew Carnegie
has resumed bls regular occupation of
giving away money He has just bestow
ed a $150,900 donation upon Marley bone.
England, and several other British bor
oughs are threatened.
Southern papers say that the capitalists
who run'the cotton mills tn the south long
hours with light wages and employ child
labor are from the north. Yes. but the leg
islatures which refuse to prevent such
evils are southern and Democratic, sug
gests the Indianapolis Journal.
A petition is being circulated In the
north asking President Roosevelt to call
congress in extra session for the purpose
of ending the coal strike. The situation
would seem to be critical enough without
injecting congress into it. It is some
times well to leave bad enough alone.
Hugh Dewitt, a nonagenarian inmate of
the Soldiers' Home In Lafayette. Indiana,
has carved his own tombstone with a
unique epitaph and has constructed a
coffin to hold his remains. Here is one
man. at least, who has managed to get
tn ahead of the tombstone and coffin trust.
The presence of Ki.MO troops does not
seem to have a soothing effect upon the
half-starved Pennsylvania coal miners.
They may be comforted, however, by the
assurance of one of the bloated eoal trust
magnates that God has commissioned him
and his gang to take care of the poor in
their boat.
BILK IN THE SOUTH.
Industrial activity in the south seems
tn be reaching out in every possible direc
tion. The productive capacity of this sec
tion is practically unlimited; new sources
of wealth are being discovered constantly
and old ones aroiteing enlarged. Recently
silk culture has received much attention
In several southern states.
This is a revival of an old southern in
dustry. rather than the introduction of a
new one.
The spinning of silk thread and the
weaving of silk cloth were by no means
rare in Georgia in ante-bellum times. Dur
ing the civil war southern ladies frequent
ly ap|>earvd in elegant silk dresses which
were the product out and out of their pa
tience. skill and industry.
It has been demonstrated that the silk
worm can thrive remarkably well in Geor
gia and (hat he yields a very line quality
of silk here.
We believe that silk culture properly
carried on in this state would pay well
•nd we expect to see efforts in this direc
tion In the early future.
North Carolina seems to be taking the
lead of the other southern states in this
matter. The Brooklyn Eagle in a recent
issue devotes a lengthy and very interest
ing special article to this phase of North
Carolina enterprise.
It refers especially to the intelligent
and energetic efforts of Mr. Gerald Mc-
Carthy, biologist of the North Carolina
agricultural department. The Eagle gives
this hopeful view of the silk culture ex
periment in the “Old North State:”
"Undismayed by the history of past.
failures the department of agriculture of
North Carolina has been for several
months vigorously experimenting with
silk worms, has persuaded near-by farm
ers’ wives and farmers’ children to raise
them and has found a market for the co
coon® The national department of agri
culture at Washington has secured an ap
propriation of 110,000 to commence experi
menting on its own hook, and if further
signs of this new activity be needed a
company has been formed in New York
with an authorised capital of two and a
half million dollars—the Incorporated Se
riculture and Manufacturing Company of
America—to start silk growers and provide
reeling plants for their product.
"Immense possibilities lie behind all
this, for now 145.wi0.0u0 worth of raw silk
is Imported into this country each year,
the iiguree having doubled since IBM. Silk
manufacturing has become one of the
mightiest of enterprises. As the years
go on an giormoue further demand Is not
to be doubted, and it is this that has led
the scientists to brave all discouragements
and ’try again* to produce silk in Ameri
ca. even if the trials of a hundred years
all failed.
•’There Is much to encourage them in
their hopes. Silk worm growing is one of
the simplest of agricultural pursuits; sven
old women and children can make a suc
cess of it. As experiments have proved
the mulberry trees, on the leaves of which
the silk worms feed, can be grown in
scores of localities in this country; in fact,
both north and south, the mulberry tree
flourishes tn many places today. The dif
ficulty and obstacle is at present that
there are no reeling mills and the cocooons
that have been occasionally raised here
and there through the country find no
buyers.”
Professor McCarthy has fats heart tn
this work and is going at it in a practical
way that will probably prove largely
beneficial to his state.
In a recent circular which he has Issued
and sent throughout North Carolina he
says-
"Silk culture was a considerable busi
ness in the Carolinas as early as 1780. It
continued to be practiced in a small way
until the period just preceding the civil
war. Thousands of mulberry trees plant
ed prior to 1800 are still in full vigor in
many parts of these states. The cause of
the detline from the prosperity of colonial
days was due solely to social changes, not
at all to any lack of adaptability in soil
or climate.
"Wishing to determine the present value
of silk growing upon North Carolina
farms the state department of agriculture
in the spring of the present year imported
from Italy 12 ounces of silk worm eggs,
and distributed them among the farmers
of the state in quantities of about one
eighth of an ounce. The experimenters
who actually did the work were for the
most part ths wives and daughters of
white farmers. Most of these had never
seen a silk worm before. The department
supplied with the eggs a sheet of instruc
tions and a ‘feeding chart.’ With these
for their only guide our experimenters
went to work. The result has far exceed
ed our most sanguine expectations. Nearly
everybody made a success of it—the few
who failed have suffered from the depre
dattoon of rats. Something over 100
pounds of cocoons were harvested for each
ounce of eggs incubated. The quality was
on the average the grade known as ’medi
um fine.' The worms were in all cases
grown with makeshift appartus and in
closets or cupboards in family living
rooms.
“No one complained of any difficulty in
rearing the worms, in fact where given
plenty of food and fresh air the worms did
the rest tn away that might have won
the heart of a veteran Kodaker. The
work proved of enormous interest to the
children who carried it through. It was a
revelation to most of them—country-bred
folk as they were. The lack of a filature
or reeling establishment for winding the
silk Into hanks, in which form it is found
in the market, has so far prevented us
from completing the experiment by turn
ing the cocoons into cash. This lack will
be supplied another year, and the industry
thus placed upon a permanent basis.”
Already there are more than one hun
dred silk growers in North Carolina and
Professor McCarthy believes there will
be ten times that number next year.
He urges the state agricultural depart
ment to distribute 10,000 mulberry trees
among the farmers of North Carolina this
fall and recommends that an appropria
tion be made to supply the needed equip
ment for intelligent experiments in silk
culture.
Professor McCarthy estimates that with
proper effort North Carolina can produce
$3,000,000 worth of cocoons.
The climate of North Carolina Is said to
be finely adapted to the successful hand
ling of the product of the green worm, but
It can be hardly mure so than that of
Geoorgia.
An experiment In the manufacture of
silk has been made at Fayetteville, N. C.,
and It Is said to have proved successful
even beyond first expectations.
There is every indication that the prop
osition to merge the Txtuisville and Nash
ville railroad with <ae Southern will be
bitterly contested. Governor Beckham, of
Kentucky, has already taken the initia
tive. and will seek to invoke the consti
tutional law of that state against rail
road consolidation to thwart the plans of
the Morgan syndicate.
Georgia has a law similar to that of
Kentucky, and some years ago it was en
forced by Judge Speer, when the old Rich
mond and Danville (the predecessor of the
Southern) sought to taxe over the Central
of Georgia. Justice Jackson afterwards
rendered a decision almost in direct oppo
sition to Judge Speer, but the United
States supreme court, in a subsequent de
cision, practically sustained Judge Speer
on all material points. So that, as the
matter now stands, the constitutional
laws of Kentucky and Georgia prohibiting
the consolidation of competing lines of
railroad are practically sustained.
The present state constitution of Ken
tucky was adopted in 1891, and in it was
I Inserted a clause prohibiting any railroad
from consolidating its capital stock, fran-
TIIE SEMI-WEEKI7T JOURNAL, ATLANTA, GEORGIA, THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 4, 1902.
chine or property with any other company
owning a parallel or competing line, or
from acquiring by purchase or lease such
line.
This. It will be seen, is right in line
with the provision of the Georgia consti
tution of !•<", both of which have been
upheld by the United States supreme
court, the former directly and the latter
indirectly.
The Louisville Courier-. rnal tells of
the lirst test case which grew out of the
attempted enforcement of the Kentucky
law.
The Chesapeake, Ohio and Southwestern
road extending from Louisville to Mem
phis. and a parallel and competing line to
the Louisville and Nashville railroad
was about to be purchased in the interest
of the Louisville and Nashville, when a
suit was brought by the commonwealth
of Kentucky in the Jefferson circuit
court to enjoin the Louisville and Nash
ville and the other parties to the proposed
transaction from its consummation. The
result of the suit in the lower court was
favorable to the state and its decision
was affirmed by the state court of appeals.
The case was then taken by the appel
lant railroad companle: by writ of error
to the supreme court of the United States,
and after full argument before the court
at its October term, 1895, a decision was
handed down at its March term, 1896. af
firming the decree of the court of appeals
in favor of the commonwealth.
A WORD W*IT H THE FARMERS.
Some years ago inquiries were sent out
as to the best things which a farmer can
attend to to make farming a pleasure and
a profit.
A. said: ’’Owner must live on his farm,
plow deep, fertilise well, plant and sow
early. Have good buildings for owner,
tenant and laborer; sow one-fourth in
grain, one-fourth in grasa, one-fourth in
permanent pasture, and one-fourth in
summer crops. Keep well posted.”
B. said: "Crop well planted is half
made. Kill sprouts, plant grain in Octo
ber; spread manure in December for
spring crops.”
C. said: "Terrace hillsides, surface
drain low lands; keep all the cattle you
can winter, pen them every night and
spread tnafiure on the surface of your
land. Rotate crops, cotton, corn,, oats,
then sow pea a Raise your supplies and
your own stock, let your cotton be your
money’ crop.”
D. said: "Let the negro emigrate; raise
your farmers at home. Turn out old
lands and cultivate well the remainder.”
E*. said: "Be a Christian; keep out of
debt; keep books with yourself, raise your
own provisional raise cotton for money
crop.”
F. said: ”A place for everything, every
thing in its place; stop leaks, keep up re
pairs; keep all the stock that can be kept
for milk, butter or beef. Give everything
good attention on the farm.”
G. said: "Southern farmers should grow
grain and grass; grow everything that
family and stock can eat. Manure crops
well, but let commercial fertilizers go.
Do all you can every year to improve your
land by plowing under grasa peas; never
sell any cottonseed."
This is enough for one lesson and there
is good hard sense all the way down from
A to G.
You may have a good cotton crop, but if
you can grow and sell butter, buttermilk,
sweet milk, chickens, eggs, hams, sides,
sausage, souse, lard, pigs, pork, straw
berries, peaches, grapes, apples, pears,
wheat, wheat straw, flour, potatoes, sweet
and Irish, roasting ears, butter beans,
snap beans, turnips, onions, squashes car
rots, cabbage and stove wood, you will
find your small crop Is ahead of the big
cotton crop, that Is, if you work high
priced free labor, and worry with their
absences and hindrances.
The secret of good farming is to be in
time and do the work well. Plant early
and work it well before weeds and grass
get a start.
By sowing rye, barley and grasses at
the proper time, to furnish, winter pas
tures, as fine stock can be kept and raised
in Georgia as anywhere in the country,
and when we remember the long, severe
cold winters of the north and west, It
seems a pity that southern farmers do
not appreciate the value of our climate.
TOO MANY~BACHELORS. ‘
Those eminent gentlemen who have
been picturing by means of pen and
brush the summer resorts as sadly lack
ing in that very necessary commodity,
men, are responsible, perhaps, for one of
the greatest errors that ever misled our
intelligent populace. They have been mak
ing us believe that man, in his all-pervad
ing importance, Is so scarce in the spots
where seductive rest Is supposed to lurk
that woman spending her time in cooking
up plans to nab the first trousered arrival
in order that she may bear him off tri
umphantly to the side of the sad sea
waves or to the mountain top, as the
case may be, and there by main force tear
from his unwilling lips a proposal relat
ing to matrimony.
It may be these are not mere artistic
illusions. But be they true pictures of
life in restful places or be they fancies,
only fancies, they have created a general
impression that men are scarce. Men are
not scarce. Put the fond hope aside as a
snare and a delusion. The last census
shows that men, unmarried * men—bach
elors, to be plain about it—are about the
heaviest drug on the American live stock
market.
The census shows that there are in this
country 6,726,799*baehe10rs to 4,105,440 spin
sters. In other words, if the bachelors
and spinsters snould become reconciled
and mated, there would be left over, out
in the cold world, as it were, 2.931,333
bachelors. The census shows it, and the
census figures are absolutely reliable.
In the language of the day. It is now up
to the worthy bachelors to get a move on
themselves; to wake up from dreams of
being sought by fair maidens, and to
eliminate the possibility of becoming an
atom in the unsheltered two million and
more.
POPULAR NOMINATIONS.
Last week Alabama had the first state
primary that his been held in that state in
many years.
The primary plan has probably been
adopted permanently In that state, as it
has in many others during the last few
years.
There is an increasing determination to
place both nominations and elections
nearer to the people; to make them more
directly popular in their character.
The plan of nominating local candidates
under the convention plan has fallen into
disfavor in most of the southern states
and there is a great and growing demand
that the people shall pass upon the claims
of the candidates.
The convention plan was so abused In
Georgia some years ago that a revolt
against it ensued in many parts of the
state.
Independentism received a tremendous
impetus and for a while the supremacy of
the organized Democracy in Georgia
seemed to be seriously threatened.
The party was compelled to reform it-
self in order to maintain its control of
the state.
The wisdom and justice of the primary
gained general recognition and adoption.
The primary has extended in Georgia
further and further until it has gone be
yond state and congressional district nom
inations and is rapidly Including all mu
nicipal. town and even militia district
nominations.
Georgia led the other southern states In
this reform and Georgia is continually go
ing further on the line of popular nomina
tions.
This movement Is growing throughout
the south and along with it is the in
creasing demand for the popular election
of United States senators. The Georgia
legislature has several times memorialized
congress to submit a constitutional
amendment to this effect. Its senators
and representatives in congress are in
favor of the proposed amendment and the
people of Georgia would give it an over
whelming majority if they had a chance.
The idea of making elections an expres
sion of the popular will as completely as
possible caused a notable reform in Geor
gia recently in the removal of the elec
tions of judges, solicitors and several state
house officers from the legislature and the
executive departments and the placing of
them in the hands of the people.
Georgia has a very strong faith tn pop
ular elections and there is no danger that
she will take the back track on that ques
tion.
SOME ALMOST CERTAIN GAINS.
Conservative reports from both sides to
the present congressional campaign seem
to indicate very clearly that everything is
not going as well with the Republicans as
they would like, or as they would have
the country believe.
Try as they may, they are unable to
conceal their anxiety for certain Michi
gan, Wisconsin and Ohio districts. Tn the
former state reports as to conditions in
the district comprising part of Detroit
which is represented by Mr. Dorliss are
not very encouraging, from a Republican
standpoint, and the district now repre
sented by H. C. Smith—the Second—seems
to off* difficulties because of the resent
ment felt by Smith s friends at his defeat
for renomination. The Wisconsin sltua
ion Is said to be a shade better, but to
still be somewhat disturbing because of
the factional tight there.
Tn Ohio the Democrats claim they will
carry both the Columbus and the Dayton
districts, now represented by Republicans,
both of whom were elected by narrow
pluralities, and even well posted Republi
cans admit that It would not be surpris
ing if such should be the result.
The great obstacle to Democratic suc
cess in the present congressional cam
paign throughout the country is lack of
funds with which to put speakers in the
field and send out the necessary campaign
literature, but Chairman Griggs and his
co-workers are doing all In their power
to overcome this. In any event. Demo
cratic gains in several states are practical
ly certain.
NATIONALITIES IN HAWAII.
There is no place in the world, says the
Honolulu Star, where such various na
tionalities, and such widely different races
can be found in bo small an area as in
Hawaii. It is true that on the mainland
such races are to be found, but not all
in one spot. Few people realise how many
different nationalities are to be found in
Hawaiian schools, and that few schools
are confined to off® nationality. The sta
tistics of school children give the Islands
HawaiiSns, Tart-Hawaiians, American,
British. German, Portuguese, Scandinavi
an, Japanese, Chinese, Porto Ricans and
scattering, which are classed as "other
foreigners.” The tabulation of teachers
gives Hawaiian, Part-Hawatlan, Ameri
can, British, German, French, Belgium,
Scandinavian, Portuguese, Japanese, Chi
nese and others. The Japanese and Chi
nese teachers are not employed in the
public schools of the territory, but are
engaged in private schools. The main
body of the teachers in the public schools
are American, Hawaiian, Part-Hawaiian
and British.
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.
New York Press.
One baby makes a family.
A kiss in time makes nine.
Two rounds never make a fight.
Somehow the best cooks give us the worst
indigestion.
A girl can get mad at you if you kiss her or
if you don’t.
Most any girl with a good figure learns to
swim young.
A wise eon knows enough to pretend it is
hie father who is wise.
Company manners always wear out if the
company stays too long.
The liver has as much to do with soul-sick
nese as with other kinds.
Most of us make our incomes go so far that
we never see them again.
Lots of people will forgive their enemies, but
won’t stop lying about them.
The higher we go the higher up seems to bs
the place we want to reach.
A woman can stand stays or shoes being tight
or most anything but a man.
The only cheap thing about getting married
is the price of the marriage license.
Nowadays everybody forgets there are other
kinds of fortunes than the money kind.
Man has almost as much trouble with his
first cigar as woman with her first baby.
You can tell the age of a horse by his real
teeth but not of a woman by her false ones.
It’s easier most always to marry the person
you love than to love the person you marrv.
One reason a woman has so much scorn tor
thinking is she haa so little use for it among
her friends.
gome people who get rich quick seem to think
nobody will know it unless they make fools of
themselves.
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
Chicago News.
Wise saws of the ancients are more or less
rusty.
It is the guilty man who is always afraid
of his ‘shadow.”
It is the polished villain who beats the boot
black out of his fee.
Many a man's crookedness is due to his
attempt to make both ends meet.
Gossips are not to be blamed if one-half the
world doesn’t know how the other half lives.
It matters but little if a prophet is without
honor in his own country provided he can
allord to go abroad.
OF GENERAL INTEREST.
No one can land in South Africa without a
permit, and none but refugees, government
employes and persons engaged in a service of
a public nature will be permitted to move
up into the Transvaal.
Dr. Conan Doyle has made 17.000 from his
war pamphlet and with 15.000 of this sum has
established a South African scholarship at the
University of Edinburgh, of which Dr. Doyle is
an alumnus.
Frederick Taylor, F. R. G. S.. of New York,
has sailed for Italy on his way to Asia and
Australia, to be absent about two years, dur
ing which time he will make geographical
studied of the countries visited.
Forty per cent of the entire crop of cotton, or
4,150,000 bales, is retained for American con
sumption this vear, and of this total northern
mills will take 2.2.40.000 bales, while 1,865,000
bales will be taken by southern mills.
At the time an effort was made to Impeach
President Andrew Jackson the deciding vote
was east by Senator Ross, of Kansas. Mr.
Hosd is now setting type tn a newspaper office
in Albuqerque, N. M.
Kt. Rev. Dr. Nevtll. the Anglican bishop
of Dunedin, N. Z., is reported to be form
ing a syndicate, largely composed of clergy
men and church members, for the purchase
of saloons and the building of "refijjßSd”
hotels In their place.
REV. SAM JONES ON ELIGIBILITY
AND, INCIDENTALLY, PROHIBITION
AS A Georgian, like all other
Georgians I feel interested in
whatever interests the people
,of the Capital City of our
state. Atlanta pitches the tune for
what little there is of Georgia outside
of Atlanta. I have read with some in
terest the pro and con arguments on
the eligibility of your respective candi
dates for the mayoralty, the whole
question. of course, hinging upon the
legality or eligibility of the candi
dates. I believe the arguments thus far
is in favor and against the candidates.
I am not a lawyer, and it ia none of
my business to discuss the legal phases
of anj' question that is before the peo
ple. but there are other questions
broader and deeper than any legal
question involved. I come up to what
I say by asserting that the Methodist
church is not to blame when one of its
members commits a crime, great or
small. A Masonic lodge is not to be
held responsible if one of its members
violates the sacred oath of a Mason.
If one or a dozen people gbt drunk In
Atlanta today, Atlanta may not be re
sponsible for that, but there is a point
where responsibility attaches and inev
itably settles down. I repeat, the Meth
odist church is not responsible when
one of its members gets drunk or steals
something, but the Methodist church
is responsible to God and man for who
they put ht the head of the church. A
Masonic lodge may not be responsible
for the bad conduct of one of its mem
bers, but. that lodge is responsible,
world without end, for who they make
worshipful master of the lodge. Atlan
ta may or may not be to blame for the
crowd that files into Judge Briles’ court
every morning, and from the court to
the stockade, but Atlanta is everlast
ingly responsible to God and man for
who she puts as her supreme execu
tive.
There ought to be three distinct
phases of eligibility of a candidate.
First, mental fitness; secondly, moral
fitness, and thirdly, legal fitness; and
they ought to come In that order—in
telligence, uprightness first, and lastly,
qualified legal fitness. A man who will
get drunk is no more fit to be mayor
of a city like Atlanta than a pig is fit
to preside at a feast of angels In hea
ven. A dissolute character has no more
place kt the executive head of a great
city than he has in a pulpit preach
ing the gospel. A tree Is known by its
fruits. Senator Ben Hill once said: “A
man who is privately corrupt cannot
be politically pure, and a man who is
politically corrupt cannot be private
ly pure.”
Atlanta wjll go to the devil fast
enough with her best citizens in au
thority, but God has said “when the
wicked rule the people mourn,” and
MR. DOOLEY ON “OUR
REPRESENTATIVES ABROAD”
BY F. P. DUNNE.
(Copyright, 1902, by Robert Howard Russell.)
’D LIKE to be an ambassa
dure,'V said Mr. Hennessy.
| "An’ why?” said Mr. Doo-
X ley.
"It must be a grand job.” said Mr.
Hennessy.
" ’Tis an aisy Job,” said Mr. Dooley,
"and ‘tis a gran - job is ye care f'r it.
But it ain't th’ job it used to be. Th’
time was, Hinnissay, whin a man that
was an ambassadure was th’ whole
thing, d’ye mind. He wint off to a for
eign counthry an' they was no calbles
an' no fast ships an' he done as he
pleased an’ th’ first thing anny iv us
heerd iv him he’d hit th’ king in th’
eye an’ we had a war on our hands.
Thtm was th’ days whin ye’d have a
good time as an ambassadure. I can
see ye now mixin’ in a little proosic
acid with th’ soup iv yeer frind th’
Eyetalian ambassadure, rayceivin’
spies on th' doings iv th’ prime mln
isther's wife an' sindin a letther to th’
king: ‘I have th' honor to inform
ye 4 er majesty that if ye don’t do so
an’-so befure »ix o’clock this av’nln’
I will be obliged to bump ye. Accept
th' assurance Iv me moe’ distinguish
ed considheratlon an’ hurry up.’ An
ambassadure d’ye mind, vras a kind
is a prisldlnt iv th’ United States
livin’ abroad an’ he done what he
thought th’ prisidint would do if he
.was In th’ Fame place an' th’ prisidint
had to make good,f'r him.
"But nowadays, we don’t need an
ambassadure anny more thin we need
a i|jage coach to go down to Michi
gan City. Th' requiremints has chang
ed with th’ time. If me frind Prisidint
Tiddy wants to know what's goin' on
annywhere all he has to do is to sub
scribe to th’ pa-apers. If he wants to
do annything about it he can dhrop
into a tillygraft office an' sind a cable
message to th’ king iv Boolgahrya or
wnolver It is that's makin* th' trouble.
To be an ambassadure all a man needs
is to have his wife want to live in
Europe; to be a first sicrety he must
be a good waltzer; to be a slcind sic
rety he must know how to press
clothes an' take care of childher. Ye
don't see annybody nowadays that
stands ach ant to be flirted sheriff
t'nryln’ to be ambassadure annywhere.
An ambassadure is a man that is no
more use abroad than he wud be at
home. A vlce-prisidtnt iv a company
that’s bein’ took in to.be a thrust, a
lawyer that th’ juries is onto, a con
gressman that can’t be refllcted. a
milishy gin’ral who’s fam’ly wants to
learn Fr-rinch without th’ aid iv a
teacher, thlm’s th’ kind that lands.
Ye cqdden’t blindfold me an’ back me
into th’ job. No sir. If me frind in
Wash’nton iver offered to sind me to
reside at or near th’ coort iv St. James
I’d ast him: ‘Ar-re all th’ guagers’
jobs took?’ No wan that loves his
fellow counthrymen as I do, an' knows
this wud accipt th’ honor an' lave his
property an’ good name in their care
f’r four years. While I have me vigor
I ll remain here with me hand on th’
gun. I bet ye I cud put an adver-tise
ment in th pa-apers tomorroh:
‘Wonted an ambassadure ixhtror
dhnry; middle aged, protestant gintle
man iv good figure, kind disposition
an’ used to siciety: salary $3 a week,’
an' Ar-rchey Road'd be blocked with
applicants an’ they'd all be good
enough.
“No sir, it ain’t the’ job it was. I
used to think I'd like to be wan an' go
over to Rooshya an’ whin some good
la-ad fr’m this counthry got into
throuble over hurlin' remarks iv an un
kind nature at the Czar to wrap him
up in an American flag an’ dhrive him
through town in an express wagon
while th’ Roosyan gin'ral that was
go'in to shoot him bit holes in his
whiskers an' muttered: ’Curse that
American dogsky. He’s foiled me be
fure me ar-rmy!’ An’ if th’ American
citizen was pinched I’d dhrive up to th’
palace In a furyous rage, push th’
guards aside an’ march Into th’ cham
ber where th’ Czar sat on his thron®
an’ say: ‘Sign an order to release this
man in tin minyets or I’ll blow up th’
flat.’ ’Ar-re ye aware.’ says th’ Czar
with blanched face, ’that ye’re ad
dhressin’ a king?’ ’I am ’ says I. with
me hand on th’ brest iv th’ uniform iv
th’ Hibernyan Rifles iv which I was
ilicted (in me mind) th colonel befure
I sailed. ‘I am. dishpot.’ says I. ‘An’,’
I sa;"». jre J, •V ,a *
while Atlanta Is submiting the question
of eligibility of candidates to the finest
legal talent. It Is well enough for them
to submit some questions t» God’s old
book, called the Bible, and let the
light of its truth shine upon candi
dates. Every man to his taste, but I
won't vote for a man who is not as
pure as his wife; I won’t vote for a
man who will stand on the streets and
curse. I don’t care what else he is or
ain’t, if he does either one of these
three th.rigs I will not rtuitify my
manhood and sense of right by giving
him my endorsement at the polls. I am
not championing any candidate or
fighting any candidate. I am stating
some great principles of right. I know
I am stating prthciples that the voters
of Atlanta in the interest of home and
tneir Ci—idren had better hear and
heed. lam not saying anybody’s
drunk or been drinking; that any
body’s dissolute or been dissolute. I
am talking facts about condidates' fit
ness for office in this country where
we profess to be Christian and decent.
Atlanta had better never have another
mayor than to have a man as chief
executive who would dishonor the
homes and the morals of the town. At
lanta has been kicked and cuffed and
bought and bossed at the polls by con
tending corporation Interests and
some dirty politicians, until almost
anything Is respectable at the polls
there, but she is paying for it and she
will still pay dear for all the influences
which have corrupted her municipal
life, or buli-dozed, bought, or de
bauched her officials. If we have got
a drunkard or a blasphemer or a dis
solute character. In we name of Gou
let's put him behind Atlanta’s barroom
screens, whisky barrels and beer kegs,
and hide him from -ie gaze of man.
and not elevate him to a position
where he is constantly on the exhibit
not only of his own deformities, but
also of the choice of the people who
placed him there.
But run who you please, gentlemen,
and elfect wno you please as mayor.
I can stand it if you can. I am 59 miles
away. The only objection outsiders
can have is the big head lines and
awful revelations that your Atlanta
papers make when you get your mon
key at the top of the pole.
I see Americus has gone back from
prohibition to saloons. "The dog to
his vomit and the sow to her wallow
In the mire.” I have some little respect
for a town that is year after year
striving to vote it out and falls, but
I have lost all power to respect any
community that will put it out and
then deliberately vote the dirty sa
loons It tn their community to de
bauch e-r negroes and wreck the
homes of the white people. A thous
and-dollar license and close up every
ye ar-re addhressln',’ I says, ‘Martin
Dooley, Ministher Plenlpootoochinary
an’ Ambassadure Exthroordin'ry iv th’
United States iv America. County iv
Cook, 8. s.. hurool’ says I, pullin’ a lit
tle American flag fr'm me vest pocket
an’ wavin’ it over me head. ’Great
Hlvlns,’ says th’ Czar. signin’ th’
ordher with thremblin’ hands an’ I
hurry off to th’ dungeon an’ release
Eben Perkins an’ he gives me a goold
watch an his good-lookin’ wife throws
her arms around me neck an' calls
me their presarver." ’Twas wan iv th’
Dhreams Iv me youth. I’m oldher
now.
"Gln’rally whin ye see in th' pa-a
pers that a man’s been appinted an
ambassadure ye know it ought to
r-read that his wife has been appinted
ambassadhress. His wife wants him
to lave th’ counthry an’ th' counthry
is resigned an’ th’ place he’s goin’ to
don’t raise no objections. Whin he
reads in th’ pa-aper all th’ things he’s
called he begins to think th' job is
almost as high as a place in th' Cus
tom House, an' th' good woman sees
hersllf an’ th’ Queen rompin’ together
an’ maybe she won’t give th' cold
eye to th’ wife iv th’ rich undertaker
up th’ sthreet whin she comes to
Boodypest an’ sees her an’ th’ rile
fam’ly rowlln’ by In th’ rile coach
dhrawn be camels. Th’ ambassadure
lands at th’ coort where he’s goin’ to
avinge th’ insults to his native land
f’r four years an’ th’ sicrety iv th’
legation, who used to be a good tennis
player befure he lost his mind, meets
him at th’ deepo an’ hurries him into
a closed hack. ’What’s this Fr?* says
th’ ambassadure who’s had th’ Coat
iv Arms iv Noo Jarsey painted on th’
soles iv his boots an' would like to
put thlm out th' window. ‘Why am I
threated like a pris’ner?’ he says.
’Hush,' says Alonzo th' first sicrety.
‘Ye can't be seen untill ye've been
gawn over be th’ tailor,’ he says. ‘lf
annywan got onto that blue Prince Al
bert it'd be ye to th’ Basteel,' he says.
‘l’ll take ye home an' keep ye locked
up till th’ harness maker has got
through with ye,’ he says. ‘But.’ says
th’ ambassadure, 'yhin do I begin th’
important jooties if me exalted sta
tion?’ he says. ‘Thank Hivln,’ says
th’ Sicrety iv Legation, 'there ain’t a
bftll f’r a week.’ he says. ‘Please keep
ye'er face away fr’m th’ window an’
do throw away that pocket comb,’
he says.
"Th' first sicrety has th’ dlvvie’s
own time f’r a week or two. Ivry
roomin' he spinds in tachin’ th' am
bassadure an’ his lady th’ two sthep
an' th’ wurruds iv th’ counthry Indi
catin’’ ‘How d' ye do?’ ’l'm plazed to
meet ye.’ ’lt’s a ‘*ne, big hquse ye
have.’ ‘l’ll take a little more iv th'
spinach,’ an’ so on. Fin'lly he has it
all right an’ th’ first sicrety takes him
up to see th' king. As he enters with
a martial sthride th’ speech he pre
pared In Jersey City slips his mind, he
falls alsily on a rug into a settin’ or
kneeling posture an’ th' king mutters
a few kindly wurruds in th' language
that th' embassadure used to shoot at
whin he was In th' milishy an' all Is
over. Th’ first secrity carries him out
an' he goes home an finds his wife in
hysterics fr’m thryin’ to explain her
position in Cedar Rapids befure she
was married to a Rooshyn princess
through a Danish maid iv honor that
wanst lived in Scotland.
"Afther awhile he begins to appre
cyate th' honors Iv hts Th’
king slnds him an Invitation to peek
into th’ rile gardens on public holidays,
to speak at a dinner iv th' Buss
Dhrivers Assocyation an’ to attind an
ny fun’rals iv th’ rile fam’ly. Th’ first
sicrety gets him so he can weep ivry
time th’ name iv Shapespere is min
tioned. Th’ first sicretry tells him that
he oughtn’t to know too roanny Amer
icans but that’s because th’ first sic
rety don’t understand his fellow coun
trymen. Ivry mornin’ whin th' axubas
sadure opens his mail expictin’ a let
ter fr’m th’ prisidint tellin' him to
run right over to th' palace an’ ast
th’ king about th' Pannyma Canal, he
gets a few lines fr’m an American
stoppin' at th’ Stars an’ Sthrlpes Ho
tel, sayin': Dear Ambassadure, I
have a letther fr’m Mark Hanna tell
in' ye to give me th' best rooms in
ye'er house or lose ye'er job. I will
move in tomorroh. Meanwhile plaze
Jtipd .JtV ne.me.Jx a good in
night at 10:30 is the saloon law for
Americus. Atlanta has the same, and
Atlanta boasts of the best regulated ,
saloons in the United States, and if
the world knew like God knows, tha
debauchery, wreck and ruin of the sa
loons of Atlanta, and knew at the
same time that they are the best
regulated saloons in the world, then
It woipd not take humanity long to
vote every cursed saloon out of tha
world, tye only know a little of the
effects of the well-regulated saloons
of Atlanta by the unfortunate gang
brought up before Judge Broyles, and
i that’s just a drop in the bucket.
Tifton. Ga.. instead of voting saloons
back, has taken the wise step of visit
ing the blind tigers In the town and
giving them three days to git—clear
the county. It is a debauched senti
ment that will vote saloons back into
a town; It is a pusllanimous sentiment
that permits blind tigers to run an
hour. The difference between the sen
timent that licenses saloons and the
sentiment that permits blind tigers—
one Is mean and the other is cowardly.
My private opinion, publicly express
ed, Is about that. I consider any horse ,
thief in the United States a better
citizen in the community where he
lives than I do any man that will voto
for or favor a saloon. The best way
to look at anything is to bring it home
and look at it. Suppose I have got two
near neignbors. the one on my right ia
a horse thief, and the one on my left
is a man who votes for and fosters sa
loons. If you ask me which I regard .
the best neighbor and citizen I will say *
the horse thief every pop. You say
■fchy? I reply, because if, the horse thief
breaks down my hern 'door and steals
my horse tonight and runs away with
him, I can get another horse tomor
row for a hundred dollars; but if tha
other neighbor votes the saloon upon
iny town and debauches my boy and
breaks the heart of my wife and
damns my poor boy in hell forever, ■ *
let’s see you fix that up for a hun
dred dollars. I am a peculiar Ameri
can citizen. I think more of my boy
♦han I do of my horse, and that’s
what makes me think more of a horsa
‘thief, as a citizen, than I do of any
man who votes for or would foster th®
' infernal saloon. I am going to fight
them and say just what I gentleman
ly please on this su\ ject. First, I am
sure I am right, and secondly. 1 am
going to say it and take the eonso
qnences. I'd rather go around with iny
mouth in a poultice all the time, and
pull the poultice down and shoot them
again, than to go around with a well
mouth like mans - a preacher in thia
country is doing, afraid to condemn
the wrong and speak his honest senti
ments. Yours, '
SAM P. JONES.
Cartersville, Aug. 27, 1932.
this accursed hole where an American .
can buy a pair iv suspinders.’ If he’s i
a wise amliassadure he does it. A man
• that riprisinted this counthry abroad
soon lams how to match silks an*
where to buy rockin’ chairs. If he
don't he’s no good. An’ on th’ Foorth
iv Julj’ he stands at home an’ grasps
manny a wet an’ frindly hand.
”All this I lamed fr'm Dargan who <
was over there las' year.* He met an
ambassadure the' used to run f'r
Congress ivry time he had a mind to.
Dargan got his tnoncy eight times be
fure th' good man larned that Dargan
didn't live In th' rttsthrict. He says
that th’ ambassadure tol’ him what
I'm teilin' ye an’ wept on bls shoul
der. 'How long ar-re ye in for?' asks
Dargan. ‘Three venrs more.’ says th*
ambassadure. Three years more,’ he
says, 'an' thin . il give th’ first slc
rety a punch In th’ nose an’ rayturn to
th’ land Iv th’ free.’ he says.* ‘Hava
ye anny fine cut?’ he says. At this
minyit a young man come around th*
corner an’ grabbed th’ ambassadure be
th’ collar. 'Didn’t I tell ye niver to
come out iv th' park in thlm pants?*
he says. 'Here comes Lord Gimlets,*
he says. It was th’ first slcrety. An*
Dargan niver see th’ ambassadure
again. He thinks they have him lock
ed up in the coal cellars.
“So I don’t want to be any ambas
sadure. Hlnnnisy. Th’ cable is quick
er, th' newspaper rayporther is more
Important an’ theyse more diplomatic
business done be jew mon fr'm Wall
' street thin be all th’ diplomats fr'm
Constantinople to Copenhagen, bedad.*
“But supposin’ Ireland was free.**
said Mr. ennessy.
“Ah,” said Mr. Dooley, "thin twud
be ye I’d Ikie to see get th’ job. I
cudaen’t have too many iv me ol*
frinds presin tin’ their cridintlals to
me.”
TWINKLES.
Tookers Statesman.
“Keeping a boy continually at the grind
stone,” remarked the Observer of Events and
Things, “is no way to sharpen the boy.”
Baltimore World.
Actor—“l have a war as well as a histri
onic record. I was nearly killed once by t
bursting of a shell.” Manager—" Who threw
the egg ?' ‘
Detroit Free Press.
WllUeA"Say, pop, give me a nickel for a poor
lame man." His Papa— "Who is he?” Willie—
‘‘He runs the lemonade stand on the corner.”
New York Sun.
“I would be willing to work.” said Tyre Dout,
“if I could get the sort of job I want.” "Well,
what would that job be?” “Well, I wouldn't
mind calling out the stations on an Atlantia
liner.”
Boston Transcript.
Pryer—"So you and your wife have separated?
No third party involved? No? You don't mean
you became tired of supporting her?” Bent—
“My dear sir, she was insupportable.
Boston Post.
“You promised you would marry me fif
teen years hence,” complained the argent
suitor, "and now you break the engagement.”
••Yes.” she replied listlessly, "and its a great
wait off my mind.”
Catholic Times.
Miss Kulcher—"You can always tell a woman
who has enjoyed the benefits of higher euuca
tlon.” Mr. Crabbe—“ Not much! You can’t tell
her anything; she thinks she knows it all."
Chicago News.
F male lawyer—" How old are you?" Female
Witness—“ You know as well as I do that I am
just a week younger than you are, but if
necessary—” Female Lawyer (hastily)—"Nev
er mind, it isn’t necessary.”
Mere Opinion.
Chicago Record-Herald.
The varnish is soon worn from the railing !»’
front of the bar, but church pews seldom need
repairing.
It isn’t always the man who lives longest wba
lives most.
A bad man gets vast credit for doing a good
thing which nobody would have noticed if the
doer had been decent.
When a baby girl is born she at once begins
to yell for clothes and she never gets over
the habit.
The sound of the brewery wagon rumbling
through the street is sweet music in the devil s
ears.
When a man has difficulty in finding a chance
to propose he can make up his tnind that the
girl doesn't want him.
The business Instinct frequently takes the
form of an easy conscience.
The Ynan who loudly yells: “X want you
to understand that I'm no fool” would prob
ably have hard work to prove it in court.
It is more profitable to bet cm a fool who has
luck than to put your faith in a sage who can t
make connections.
Some men who mingle freely in company
without worrying over their lack of brains
would be terribly mortified if they were to dis
cover that they had no cuffs on.
His View of It.
Chicago Post .
"Why are you having your bouse redeco
rated this spring?”
"Well, the only reason T can assign for It
is that my wife did-’ '■"'S I spending
more- *-nr»u—h •