Newspaper Page Text
NORTH Tn u 0 RGIA I * j ?3 t m
Wi C." AI AHTaN,| Editors and Proprietors,
THE DYING YEAR.
Ring out, wild bells, to the wild sky,
The'-flying cloud, the frosty light;
The year is dying in the night;
Ring out, wild bells, and let him die.
■Ring out the old, ring in the new;
Ring, happy bolls, across tho snow;
The year js going, Jet him go;
Ring out the false, ring in {he truo
Ring out the erief that saps the mind,
For tho.-e that here we see no more;
Ring out the feud of rich and poor,
Rmg in redress to all mankind.
-Ring-out a slowly dying cause,
And ancient forms of party strife;
■ Ring iu tlie nobler inodes of life
With sweeter manners, purer laws.
Ring out the want, the care, the sin,
Tho faithless coldness of the times;
Ring out, ring out, my mournful rhymes,
Rat ring the fuller minstrel iu.
.Ring-olit false pride in place i.nd blood,
Ulbe civic Gander and the spite;
Ring in the lovejof truth aad l ight,
Ring in the common love of good.
Ring out old shapes of foul disease
Ring, out the narrowing lust of gold;
Ring out the thousand wars of old,
Ring i» the thousand years of peace.
■Ring in the valiant man and free,
The larger heatt, the kindlier hand;
Ring out the darkness of tho land;
Ring in the Christ that is to bo.
Tknntson.
Ted’s Christmas
It was a clear, frosty winter’s day.
“ Real Christmas weather,” ladies
said, as they hurried along, drawing
their warm wraps and heavy furs closer
hidden around cozily them, and keeping their hands
away in their muffs lest
Jack Frost should give their fingers a
mischievous pinch.
■“Pretty little cold weather, 1 call it,” said
a fellow whose bare red hands
were thrust into the pockets of his thin
jacket for warmth, and whose toes
peeped out inquisitively through the
holes in his shoes.
He stood shivering in front of a
baker’s shop feasting his eyes on the
tempting display of goodly Christmas
cheer in the window, and trying to
warm himself in the steam whioh ascend¬
ed through the grating.
“Wouldn’t it be nice if a fe'Ioty could
go iu and get all the goodies he wanted, ”
tie thought, looking with longing eyes
at the rich cakes piled up in lavish pro¬
fusion, jellies. and the amber and crimson
“Come, move on, there,” shouted the
baker roughly, as he saw the boy loiter¬
ing in front of his window, opening the
door just long enough to issue this order
and let out a rush of warm air, laden
with appetizing odors.
Ted obeyed slowly, giving one back¬
ward, reluctant glance, and joined the
stream of people who were hastening
along, intent on making their Christmas
purchases.
“I wish it wasn’t too cold to bring
Daisy out,” be said to himself, as he
paused in front of a toy store. “How
<0ie would like to see all these prettv
tilings!” ■ .
The window just looked like a little
bit of fairy land. There was a miniature
Christmas tree, sparkling with tiny ta¬
pers and hung with glittering toys,
while a beautiful angel hovered over it,
with outstretched wings.
Ted loved to look at this angel. It
never seemed to him like a waxen image,
but more like a real angel, who always
smiled down as lovingly and tenderly
ufion the forlorn little fellow, shivering
outside the window, as upon many of
the more fortunate little ones who were
daintily and warmly clad.
Then there were dolls in countless
numbers. Stately lady'dolls, with vel¬
vet trains and powdered hair; baby dolls,
with rosy cheeks and golden curls; little
boy and girl dolls, dolls ihat walked and
cried, dolls that shut and opened their
eyes at their little mothers’ pleasure, and
last, but not least, cunning little black
dolls that were dressed as* nurses, and
beamed white out cheerily from the wide frills'
of their caps.
I could not begin to tell you of all the
ether toys in that wonderful window, of
the Chinese Mandarins that stood in
long rows and nodded their heads in¬
cessantly of sheep in the that wisest possible manner,
the bleated noisily, of the
valiant tin soldiers drawn up in battle
array, looking as if they conld conquer
the world. No; it would take too long
a time, so I must leave you to imagine
it all for yourselves.
Everybody window, seemed to like to Ted look in
at that and sometimes was
pnshed about and almost carried away
by the jostling, would hurrying crowd; chance bat
then he wait for a and
slip back to his old position, where he
conld see all the pretty things.
"■♦HoW I wish I could get Daisy some¬
thing for Christmas,” he thought, re¬
membering the little lame sister at home
who could not oome ont even to see the
beautiful windows. “Perhaps if I have
any luck in selling the papers to-night I
might get something,” but he checked
himself. It was rather a forlorn hope, for
an8 out of the few pennies supper for Daisy
^himself must come, and then what
ever was loft over must be put aside for
the rent,
“How she would open her eyes if I
could take home one of those lovely dolls
to her !”
“Oh, oh, oh, what beautiful things 1”
cried a sweet little voice so full of enthu¬
siastic delight that almost everybody
turned to smile at the little speaker.
She was such a pretty little girl, with
SPRING PLACE. GEORGIA, THURSDAY. JANUARY 15. 1885.
long, golden curls fallihg over her blue
plush their jacket., possible great blue eyes opened to
wijiest extent at the sight
of all the lovely tors, and the sweetest
little face, played with hide-and-go-seek rosy cheeks, Where the
dimples smiled. when¬
ever she
“She looks just like Daisy,” thought
Ted, 08 he watched her, for in his eyes
no one could be prettier than the little
sister who loved him dearly, and of
whom he took the best care that he
could.
Poor little fellow ! He was only 13
years old; scarcely old enough, one
would think, to take care of himself,
and yet, somehow or another, he had
managed to take care of this little sister
too for nearly a year, ever since the pa¬
leaving tient, hard-working mother had died,
her in his care.
It was pretty hard work sometimes,
lint if the little closet evet got entirely
empty some kindhearted neighbor would
offer the children a share of her scanty
meal, and the kind Father”who watches
over even the little sparrows never for¬
got them.
“Give us this day our daily bread,”
they prayed every’ morning, * kneeling
side by side with clasped hands, and
with all the fervent faith of childhood in
God’s promises, they believed that it
would always be sent to them.
Dh, nnrsie. . let , ,, s go in . and look at all
the lovely dolls, cried tho little girl,
drawmg the nurse o ward the door.
As she drew ner little gloved band out
arJ&sistsr- Ted IrMari pinked **
sprang ana it „p
“Waita"moment,’’ he earned „
she was about to enter the stora “You
dropped something.”
“Ob, my pretty purse,” cried the
child. “I wouldn’t have lost it for any
thing. Thank yon ever so much. Wait
a moment, nurse,” she said, as the girl
rS 8 Tfnh ?lTL\ t ? i „ . ,,t ? Want a ‘°
Oh, no, you needn t mmd that, f ” said v,
Ted, c rawing back.
little I girl, would rather, though,’ said the
putting a mlver quarter into
I spoke, J laI il^ and Ted, i thinking of little ^ Daisy, Sbe
did not refuse the gift, but accepted it
gratofullv with a very earnest “Thank
you.” “Now I
present,” can get Daisy a Christmas
he thought, joyfully, and *n~
tered the store with the happy con
sciousness.that he, too, poor and shabby
ns he was, hadsome Christmas shopping
to do.
“What do you want, little boy?”
asked a girl, sharply,
“I want all to buy a doll,” answered Ted,
not at embarrassed'by her curt man
uer.
“What kind of a doll?” she asked.
Ted was puzzled.
“I don’t know—a pretty one,” he
answered.
“How much money have you got to
spend on one?” she asked, crossly.
“Do you want an expensive one?”
“I want the prettiest doll yon have
got for tenty-five cents,” said Ted,
meekly, feeling chilled at her evident
unwillingness to waif ou him.
“You em’t get much of a doll for
that,” she answered; “but I will show
yon what we have. ” •
Tid followed her to the back of the
store. ■ .
“Here is a baby doll,” she said, open¬
ing a box and placing it before him as
she spoke. Ted gave a gasp of delight.
11 was such a beautiful doll in his eyes.
It was dressed iu a long white dress,
with a scarlet cloak and hood, and the
tiniest her bang of golden hair showing
around forehead.
What if it was a cloth doll ? Weren’t
its cheeks quite as rosy as its waxen
cousins’; and if the materials of its
dress were of the coarsest, what did Ted
care for that?
In a perfect dream of delight he gave
the girl his silver quarter and watched
her wrap the doll up in paper. 5
“Oh, did you buy something?” afeked
the little girl, touching his arm as he
was going out of the store. “Won’t yon
let me see what yon got V”
Ted opened the paper, red with pride
and bashfulness, and exhibited his treas¬
ure.
“Isn’t it a beauty ?” he asked.
“It’s real cunning,” answered the
child, “Who did you get it for ?” she
asked.
“For my little sister Daisy,” he an¬
swered, though ‘‘and ?” he won’t added she be pleased fare¬ with
it, with a fond
well glance at it as he enveloped it in
its paper covering again.
“You’re - a nice sort of a boy to get
your sister a present,” said the child,
with grave approval. “I hope she will
get a nice one for you. Good-bye.”
“Good-bye,” responded Ted answer¬
ing her smiling farewell. How
would Two he whole days be able to Christmas his 1
ever to keep, pre¬
cious secret for that length of time ?
He buttoned his thin jacket carefully
ever the treasure and stood for a
ment irresolutely on the corner, won¬ to
dering whether he would have time
go home with it before he went for the
evening papers. opened again
The door of the toy store
and his little friend oame out, accompa¬
nied by her nurse.
“Oh, there’s mamma 1” she exclaimed
as she caught sight of a lady on the op¬
posite side of the street.
“Wait! wait ! Miss Flossie, you’ll be
run over,” cried the nurse, trying to de¬
tain her, but the child had slipped from
her grasp and started to ran across the
street.
Jingle ! jingle 1 Merrily sounded the
sleigh bells as a sleigh came dashing
around the corner. There were mingled
screams of terror from the mother and
nurse as Flossie they saw the danger the Uncon¬
scious was in. Could nothing
save her ?
it Suddenly—nobody happened—a ever knew justhow
small boy, a very small
slid very ragged, but surely a very brave
boy, sprang forward right in frontof the
prancing horses and hung on their
heads.
Only a moment he detained' them, but
that "to moment was long enough for some
one snatch up the frightened baby
and save her from those cruel trampling
hoofs. Then rendered unmanageable
by fright, little the horses dashed that on again
over a prostrate muddy, form blood-stained lay un¬
conscious on the
snow;
Ted scarcely realized what he was do¬
ing in when he darted forward aad sprang
front of the horses.
He had not had time to think of any¬
“looked thing save Daisy” that the little girl who
like was in danger and
no must save her. Instinctively he had
tried to stop tne horses and that was the
last he remembered. He did not feel
strong arms lifting him gently into a
carriage nor the doctor’s skillful hands
bandaging miracle his cut head and broken arm.
“It’s a that the brave little
fellow was bad not trampled to death,” the
doctor said. “Fortunately and this cut
ou his head is very W slight his brok
e u arm will soon so with a little
ESSHsiS?" ^” E , ^ToS , nc,**
“ ’ V. .Wi _
ll( tle straw . bed , in the corner of . a dark,,
ao white }^. r K°?’ bed, with, l° ! ,J the e softest w 2f ? n of J pillows < *. < ?, wn ^\
ander lus aching head and a delicious
f D8e of He warmth pervading his chilled
frame. tried to move his arm but it
was bandaged and the effort hurt him.
“Are you awake yet?” asked a little
vo ioe, and Ted opened his eyes to see
his little friend standing beside him.
He remembered it all then. E S
ov<bv” , (I am said: BO glad you (3idu . t et nin
he feebly, for somehow ho
( q du q f ee j very strong. Then, as hq
thought of his treasured doll, he ex
claimed suddenly: ^Ob, where isf
Daisy’s doll? Did it gebbrohaq2,” a
“ Yes, it, was'all trampled in the miidf”
mustn’t Ptcsne, gravely, I “hut
mind ” that, will give te
of mine.
“ But it won’t, be thi signed
Ted, The his loss eyes of filling the doll witl emccUmuA rs.
greater misfortune to in tirtu tne
bandaged liis arm or the pain which made
head throb so wearily,
“Mamma, he’s awake,’’calledFlossie,
softly, and a lady came in from the next
room and bent over him tenderly. A
veal, warm mother's kiss she gavo him',
and in sweet low tones thanked him for
saving little Flossie's life.
“Is the pain so bad?” she asked, as
she saw the tears standing in his great
brown eyes.
“ Oh, it isn’t that”’ sobbed Ted, “but
Daisy’s doli^it is all broken, and it is
all the Christmas I had for her. I must
go home,” and he tried to sit up, but the
effort was too much for him.
“Shall I send for Daisy?” asked
Flossie’s mamma pushing back the
dark curls tenderly from his aching fore
“ Yes, please,” answered Ted ; and so,
about half an hour later, as little Daisy
looking was sitting shivering by the window
down into the dimly-lighted
street, Ted and wondering why her brother
didn’t eome, she saw a carriage stop
iu front of the house and a gentleman
get out and run lightly up the steps.
Yon can imagine how surprised she was
when she found that the carriage had
been sent to take her to Ted, and she
put hood on hastily, lierjlittle well-worn shawl and old
that she might go to him
at onee.
It seemed a loDg time to Ted before
he heard the carriage wheels stop again
in front of the house and knew that
Daisy had eome.
“ I will go down and see that she gets
nice and warm, and then I will send
her up to you,” said Flossie’s mamma.
Presently Ted heard the familiar
thump, thump of Daisy’s little crutch
ou the stairs, and in another moment
the door opened Daisy? and Daisy had came in.
But was it Ted to fairly
rub his eyes to see more plainly.
. She had on a pretty blue dress, and
her curls, as golden as Flossie’s own,
were tied back with a bright ribboD.
“Oh, you poor, darling brother,” she
cried as she saw Ted’s bandaged head,
and she threw her arms lovingly around
him.
“What a pretty dress," said Ted,
stroking its soft folds, and forgetting all
about his pain in the pleasure of seeing
Daisy so comfortably clad. it to me,”
“Flossie’s mamma gave said
Daisy. “Wasn’t she kind?” and she
nestled her little go! dan head down be¬
side Ted’s dark carls and said told him how
Flossie’s mamma had they were to
stay and spend Christmas with Flossie
and see a beautiful tree and have lovely
presents. all seemed like dream to these chil¬
It a
dren, who had known so little happiness.
“Now you must huny up and get well
before Christmas, Teddie, dear,” said
Flossie, softly stroking lovely his bandaged time.”
head, “aud we’ll have a
And they did have a lovely time. • I
don’t think that either of them will ever
forget beautiful it. Christmas-tree suoh
The bore
wonderful fruit—a nioe new suit of
clothes and a warm overcoat for Ted,
and the prettiest little cloak and hat for
Daisy; M and then, besides those riseftil
presents, lovely there doll were Daisy so many others.
A for that seemed to
bf the twin sister of Flossie’s, and more
other pretty gifts than I could tell you
of. And tills happy Christmas was only
the beginning of good times for Ted and
Daisy.
You may be sure that Flossie’s papa
and mamma would not let the little boy.
who had saved their only darling go
buck to his old life of poverty and hard,
hopeless Daisy work. .
\ was installed in the nursery as
ijiylo )u Flossie’s hour do playmate, the two girls and spend many to¬ a
:.py dolls
gether Ted, over quite their well and their lessons.
again now, goes down
town to He business is only every day with Flossie’s
pi pa. errand boy now;, but
he is very ambitious, and he thinks that
perhaps some day, when he grows older
and wiser, he may become a clerk, and
then—who knows?—become a partner
iii-ihe business and grow rich, so that he
0 in take good care of sister Daisy.
Perhaps all this may happen yet.
Y7ho. knows? But I think Ted will
always remember day of his this life. Christmas as the
happiest
MEIK DYNAMITE MINE.
; ■ • *£
ABatchifiis who Trlctl 10 Rill, the Eifc*
peror William Convicted;
The Anarchists wtre tried at Leipsic
thf for attempting to cause an explosion at
^eiit unveiling of the Niederwald monu
to, Germany.
©Slqpseh ,i0||ered has confessed that Iteinsdorf
him to tire the mine. This con
. |@pid bbttje filled of a with large dynamite stone jar and and furnished a glass
rcussion caps To these a fuse
1 At tolled, and the whole was placed
S ip which crosses the road about
v ^ utes’ walk from Niederwald. He
ered to tire the train when the
Emperor William’s carriage was fifty
fej^jlfetant feted cigar from to the the drain end by of applying the fuse
SP
T3 ft |jh at the side of the roadway.
asserts that he was unwilling to
( ed the cigar. explosion, and applied an un
'4 Ipchlen Eland the upbraided Rupsch for his
latter gave the explana
•at the fuse was wet and failed to
K'uechle.n then told Rupsch tc
mew j|l|ia tinder in tho fuse and to ex
fisisie when the Emperor was
png. fastened Rupsch returned to the
v juse fresh tinder to the fuse;
W the in two about two metres
pie 3«a charge. and was Wlieu at the the proper Emperol spot,
jm (K appfied a burning cigar to the
TR wSbleti iVidka-j! "wav, , f
was very ai see
and failure, and when the road was clear
grand Df people pavilion removed the Rudesheim, dynamite where to the
at a
concert was in progress. Kueohlen
thereupon sneaked away and Rupsch ex¬
ploded the and dynamite ten paces from the
pavilion ran away. He declares that
he only wished to see the unveiling of
the monument without expense and that
he intended from the first to frustrate
the murderous plan.
The prosecution regard the last state¬
ment and that he applied an unlighted
cigar to the fuse and cat the fuse as in¬
ventions made by Rupsch for the pur¬
pose of exculpating himself.
Rcinsdorf appears to have been the
ringleader He hears of the conspirators through
cut. himself now with the
utmost coolness—almost of effrontery.
It has been learned that Reinsdorf has
had dealings with Hodel, the man who
attempted 1878, to assassinate Emperor 'Will¬
iam in and also with Most, the
well known anarchist. Ho denies, how¬
ever, that he was ever Most’s emissary.
A witness named Palm testified that
Reinsdorf had threatened that any one
who should betray him would be killed
by an emissary from Loudon or Amer¬
ica. Reinsdorf, he said, received money
from 1 rondon through him. These state¬
ments of Palm were denied by Reins¬
dorf.
A constable deposed that Bachman
had confessed that Reinsdorf promised
him pay for exploding the mine. A tin
smit'i identified Reinsdorf as the man
who bought the boxes of him that con¬
tained the dynamite found at Elberfeld.
S' ,ven including of tne eight prisoners were con¬
vict fl, Reinsdorf.
Those Troublcsomk Felons.
Not the convicted violators of our laws,
but the atrocious and excruciating mal¬
ady which may attack even the fairest
hand. A corrrespondent of the MicM
gan Farmer writes that alleged they remedy can be
cured, and a trial of the
will at least do no harm.
I wish to tell those who may suffer
from that terrible scourge, felons, of a
painless remedy thftt will effect a perfect
cure in twenty-four hours, as I, had occa¬
sion to prove within the last had three been days. suf¬
A lady came here who
fering over two weeks with a felon on
the end of her middle-finger. I satura¬
ted a bit of grated wild turnip, the size
of a bean, with spirits of turpentine and
applied it to the affeoted part. It re¬
lieved the pain hours at onee. there hole to <
In twelve was a
the bone, and the felon was applied destroyed. heal
I removed the turnip and
ng-salve, and the finger is welL
A WONDERFUL THING.
Young Artist (displaying his latest
picture)-Ya-as, art is a wonderful thing.
Why, do you know that with the a single
dash of the brush I can change face
of a laughing child into that of a crying
child ? nothing art)
Old Party, (who knows of
—Et—by hitting it with the brush ?
VOL. IV. New Series. No, 49.
AS OLD REPROBATE.
He Tells of Hie Trh-k (hrtt :^le Played Upon
Uis Anxious
“You see, Martha got in the habit of
Bitting up for me at an early age, and
she can’t break it off. I couldn’t per¬
suade her to g6‘ to bed and mind her
own We business, so I studied Ga the houses mat¬
ter. live in one of the centre
of a block of five-story-and-attio build¬
ings. There’s and scuttles in the roofs of all
of them, I persuaded Mr. Greenup,
who lives in the adjoining house, to let
rue in his house last night about one
o’clock, and I went up through his scut¬
tle and over to mine, and se down into
our bedroom. ] could see Martha, from
the head of the stairs, sitting in the front
room eying the clock with a look that
whs a yery tart chromo. But I undressed
and waiting quietly got in bed, and there I lay
developments. Every noft and
then I’d hear Martha give a short, fi'D
gety cough. Then I’d hear her get up
and prance around the room a little, and
by and by go to the front windows and
slam the shutters.
“After I’d lain there about an hour, I
heard her get up and go stand out on
the front steps for a good five minutes.
Then she came in and slammed the
Every door and commenced coming up stairs.
other Won't step she’d say: ‘Oh, the
wretch. I give it to him! I
kbow where he is! I know where he
is ! He needn’t think to deceive me 1
Oh, the villain!’ ’Bout tho time she
had nearly got to the lauding I think
she must have seen the I’d light left streaming
out of the door that • ajar. I
could hear her sfop, and then I com¬
menced to snore. I was afraid to look,
you know, but I could feel her cautious¬
ly come up to the door and look in.
Weil, sir, I’d have given my pension
from the war of 1776 to have seen her
about the time she saw it was me. I’ll
bet it was fun. But I was afraid to do
anything but snore. Then she cam8
into the room, and, by the way she
breathed and stood around, I had to
nearly bite my tongue off to keep a
straight face on me. I could feel that
she sat down in a chair, and was dum
founded.,» like I never let on, but kept on
snoring thunder; but when she
kicked over a chair I turned and pre¬
tended to wake up, kind of dazed like,
and says:
m bod i Why, ?’ Martha,dear, ain’t youcome
to yet -----------
solemu “ ‘Jarphly,’ said she, awful slow and
like, ’ ‘when did you come in?’
Don’t “ ‘ Why f must be four or five hours I ago.
you remember When told yon
not to go to sleep in the rocket, but to
oome up to beet ?’ and I turned over and
professed to go to sleep again.
“She never made any reply, but
■ iu a <W;ed. bewildered V sortof wav, and
when she got to b«rd-J-«Quldftetf she
didn't sleep a wink for three tiofira:— /
“This morning it was” mb to watc]h
Martha. I could hardly keep a
face. At the breakfast table, and all the
time I was about the house, she’d eye
me when she thought I wasn’t looking;
then, when I’d notice her, she’d turn
away and be awfully busy at something.
She caught me kind of grinning once,
and, by George, I thought But the it explosion didn’t,
was about to come.
though the look of blank, unfathomable
suspicion she wore on her face all the
time was the greatest show on earth. It
nearly broke me up, and I’ve laughed
till my ribs ache ever since. I know it
won’t last. I know there’s a day of reck¬
oning is a-coming, and the thermometer
going clear out of sight in the Jarphly
family. But who’s going without after trouble ?
It’ll come soon enough hunting
it, and I’m going to enjoy that scuttle
in the roof until the explosion comes.”—
Chicago Tribune.
A Way Jim Fisk Had.
“When I was head cutter,” said a
Fourteenth street tailor recently, “Col.
Fisk was among our customers. The
store was under the Metropolitan Hotel.
The first time I saw the Colonel was
when he came in and ordered three of
the finest suits of clothes that could be
made. The Colonel, on account of his
fatness, was a hard man to fit, but I laid
myself out to please him. The suits
were tried on, and a few days afterward
he mentioning dropped in and I said, finest ‘Go to-’s,’ of Broad¬
one of the
way jewelry stores, ‘and see what he’s
got but, for you.’ I I thought knocked he off was thaj joking, after¬
as soon as
noon, I went - to the store and asked if
Col. Fisk had left orders for me.
“ ‘I should say he had,’ replied the
proprietor. ’He said that you were riDgs,’ to
choose a souvenir from these three
and he put three splendid diamond
rings on a velvet mat on the counter.
‘Take your choice, please; I’ve other
customers to attend to. Col. Fisk told
me to send the bill for the riDg that you
chose to him.’ Well, I chose this ring
and I wouldn’t part with it for any
amount of money, unless my wife and I
were starving. It has twenty-three dia¬
monds, you see, and the jeweler told me
that the diamonds, without the work¬
manship on the ring, were worth about
1300. Col. Fisk had his faults, they say,
but I’ll never believe that a man who
could show suoh kindness to a poor
workman had any very grave faults.”
Away ITp.—Probably no one has
reached a higher altitude by balloon as¬
cension than Professor James Glaisher,
who, with a professional aeronaut, made
an ascension in England to a He height became of
37,000 feet, or seven miles.
insensible at the height of six miles and
his companion, who was so his ne,arly limbs, frozen
ns to have lost the use of was
obliged to pull the rope of the safety
valve with hris teeth to descend.
• THE JOKER’S BUDGET.
A BATCH OF GOOD THINGS FOUND IN
TI1K HUiMOKOITS COLUMNS.
OrnwiiiK ihc I.ine-A Fmhcr’s Hlnt
Thrtfwina a Dollar—Too iflocli l.uxnry—
A Jleon Keypnae—The Tree* Leave
Only a Slop. K«c., Eic.
HOW TO GET BID OP HIM.
The other evening a young lady was
walking home and. was approached her, by ami a
dude, who ambled up beside
proceeded to make himself agreeable.
“May I—ah—carry—ah—your purse?’'
said he.
‘ Oh, I don’t mind,” she replied.
He took it and seemed delighted to be
of any service They walked and walked,
she, wishing to get rid of him, kept si¬
lent while thinking about something
funny to say.
“Miss Clara,” he finally ventured, “I
don't think you have much money left.
This purse seems a little flat; he! he !
lie 1”
“Flat? Well, it is a little flat, sure
enough, but I don’t mind that: it’s a big
flat that I object to.”
He left her at the next corner.— Ev
amviUe Argus,
HE DREW THE LINE.
The following Burleigh, story is Kensselaer told of Con¬
gressman of and
Washington Counties: When he first ap¬
peared at Washington, in conversation
with a brother Congressman one day ho
said: “A particular friend of that mine afc
home told me before leaving after
arriving here there would be two im¬
portant things for me to attend to. One
was to stop swearing, and the other to
I.' appear in a swallow-tailed coat. Well.
have stopped swearing, but I’ll be
har.gtd if I will wear a swallow-tailed
coa f ,”— Glen’s Falls Times.
A MANUFACTURER IN RARE LUCK.
Manufacturer—“What's that you
say ?”
Superintendent Cotton-goods Factory
—“We found the scalp of a negro iu
that last bale. It was probably caught
in the machinery and whisked off some
way.”
“What rare luck 1”
“Luck, sir?”
“Certainly. I can now meet the pop¬
ular demand. Mix it in well.”
“Why, sir, mix what in well, sir?”
“The scalp, of course. And, by tho
w*y, ns yon go through tl»e*oflice tell
the bookkeeper to change our advertise
ments.”
«Yes, sir; how, sir?” goods
“Toll him to advertise the as
wool .”—Philadelphia Call.
„ r
’ ;
«natemer , had big bald , ,, spot . <
a ori
Ms head. The faintest tw
Was isdely visible the remnant on the polished of hnir thJB sagM
! ""‘'j.'‘“ R deuu^d imaginary surface^WH
^.ctly through it, anu then nsiiH
OUMf-in a way that would ha«B
tlie Mrsute covering if there’ll
“What on earth made you do that
I subsequently asked him.
“Because I would have offended him
by recognizing his baldness,” was the
reply; “and by ignoring it I tiokled him
mightily.”
can’t KILL THEM THAT WAV.
“The best way to get rid of roaches,”
said the man with the glasses, “is to let
your fires all go out some real cold night,
raiso all your windows and freeze them
out. The first cold night I intend to do
that, and will pour water in every crack
and let it freeze.”
“It won’t work,” replied the myself man with
the red nose. “1 tried that once
and when 1 came down stairs the next
morning to gather up the corpses I found
that all the roaches had strapped skates You
on and organized skating parties.
can’t kill a roach that way .”—Oil City
Blizzard.
TOO MUCH LUXURY,
Proud Pa.—“No, sir. Young man,
your pleading is useless. My daughter
must marry her equal.”
Poor Suitor—“X am certainly her
equal in birth, breeding, education, and
“Ah 1 but you are not her equal iu
wealth. That’s what I mean. My
daughter has been used to a fife of lux
ury- *»
“I know, but-- »»
“No interruptions, please. She has
never known what it is to want for any¬
thing. Nothing that money could pur¬ has
chase has been denied her. She
never been allowed to lift her hand to
help herself in any way; never allowed
to learn to sew, to knit, to cook, to—in
fact, she knows no more about such
things than I know about Greek. Sea
don’t even select her own wardrobe,
choose her own bonnets or comb her
own hair, She—” But he had fled.—
Phila. Call.
TREES LEAVE. !
It was lone after midnight, and the
minutes were clicking by like hours.
“I love a graceful elm tree,” she re¬
marked.
“How I wish I were an elm tree,” he
responded, wish quickly. too.”
“I you were,
“Why do you?'-’ he inquired with
a world ot devotion iu kts voice.
“Because,” she replied, ”— “trees leave
once a year at least. Drake’s Mag¬
azine.
WHERE THE MONEY HAD GONE.
“As I was coming home from the
lawyer’s to-day I noticed the cost most
beautiful sealskin sacque. It only
$300.”
“Why didn’t you buy it, my de&rf I
“I wjs just coming away from
lawyer’s, I said.”
“Oh !” — Graphic.