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X 'V 4 H The English Classics. Addison and the Spectator. BIL.LT. NUMBER NINE. To most renders of English literature, the srord “ essay ” brings up the short, round, good- natured face, the luminous eyes and the clus tering ringlets of Joseph Addison. There re vives afresh the pleasures felt even in early youth in reading the “ Vision of Mirza,” in Mur ray's old English Reader, and one recollects Bow, even in the dull routine of a “parsing les son,” the mind was gratified by the nicely cho sen words, the elegantly constructed sentences, and the graceful flow of periods in that charm ing allegory. Later in life, most persons have read the Spectator, in full, and hare learned Bow better than the most of sermons are those moral discourses which never offend by imper tinence nor weary by prosiness. There we find the pleasures and rewards of virtue set forth in the most lively colors. There we find folly ex posed and wickedness condemned by a wit which never leaves a sting of ill-nature behind, Nowhere else, certainly, in the range of English literature, do we find so much of truth and good sense set in a style of purity and elegance. Ad dison stands confessed the first of England’s essayists, as decidedly as “hakspeare is the first of dramatists or Milton chief of the epic poets. The fame of Addison, as a literary man, rests almost solely u t • n his merits as an essayist, though he attempted other kinds of writing, and, it was thought at his day, not unsuccessfully. His “Cato ” was not received with hisses, as it would have been, despite its fine rhetoric, had it been from the pen of one who was not per sonally popular with the town. The “Cam paign,” which, owing to its subject and the hap py time of its publication, was received with rapturous applause, is now considered little more than a piece of ranting bombast. Fortu nately he fell into that line in which his genius most fitted him to excel. Doubtless, he would have preferred being a great heroic poet or a great dramatist. But he might have been either of these without accomplishing a tithe of the good to his race which he did. He has pleased and instructed the generations that have lived since his day, and will please and instruct gen erations yet unborn, so long as our language shall be spoken or read. Such a work entitles him to a high place in the role of benefactors of our race. Like Swift, Addison had considerable to do with the political occurrences of his day. His pen was often called into requisition by the leaders of the party to which he belonged. But while he worked for them cheerfully and effi ciently, the kindness of his heart and the refine ment of his taste would not permit him to be slanderous or abusive. While he won the grati tude and secured the rewards of his own party, Be did not incur any serious odium from their opponents. High positions were rather forced upon him than obtained by his greedy seeking, and in them he bore himself so meekly as to in cur the envy of none. Had not his admiration for a handsome face and a title betrayed him into an ill-starred marriage, his whole life would have been as fortunate and happy as a benevo lent heart deserved to enjoy. The quality which gives the greatest charm to the writings of Addison is his humor. This is rich, spontaneous, always pleasing, never offen sive. Few things that he ever wrote would ex cite a loud, nproareus laugh. His wit was of far too refined a nature for that. It rather diffuses through the mind a gentle emotion of the pleas ant and agreeable, without indicating any par ticular sentence or paragraph to which this could be accredited. His genius never led him to create the grotesque. He delighted rather to delineate with delicate touch those traits of character which escape the common eye, and which none but the finest perception would dis cern to be ridiculous. In those productions of his pen which are not designed to be humorous, he captivates the reader by the charms of his style. It is not alone that his sentences are well constructed and flow into each other grace fully, that his illustrations are well chosen, that his figures are appropriate; but beyond all these excellences, there lies a justness and beauty of thought which scarcely any one can fail to ad mire. We have spoken of Addison as if he were the Spectator. He was, in fact, the leading spirit of that publication, to whom it owes its character. A worthy and almost equal co-laborer in this work was Dick Steele, who, in his “ Christian Hero,” showed how well he could portray a good life, and in his career evinced his inability to follow his own directions. Macaulay and some other writers have sought to heighten Addison’s greatness by decrying Steele. The fame of Ad- ^igop stands in need of do such invidious com parisons. It does not detract from his merits to claim for Steele wbat was true, that he was a wit, a scholar and a most kind-hearted and generous gentleman. If his failings did not lean to vir tue’s side, they were those which injured him self more than any one else. It may be that un stimulated by Addison’s advice and encourage ment, he would not have achieved a great name in literature; but it must be admitted, that hav ing had'these aids, he has gained a position to which none save a high order of talent can aspire. “ FAMILIAR QUOTATIONS.” BY STRATHMORE. i was in coinpab^ the ether day with a gentle man, who, speaking of Tom Moore, observed: “He always says such good things, for instance, * The rose is fairest when ’tis bndding new, And hope is brighteet when it dawns from fears.’ ” The quoter had no idea he was filching from the laurels of Walter Scott to crown his favorite. For bis benefit, and that of others who habitu ally utter sayings and quotations without knowing their authors, 1 collate a few quotations in addi tion to those lately given by R. M. 0. From Thomas Tusser, who flourished in the six- teenth century, we have the following: “ It is an ill wind turns none to good.” “ Christmas comes but once a year.” “ Look ere thou leap.” » Samuel Butler bss “ Look before you ere you leap,” written in the seventeenth century. He has sCme other good ones such as “ 8pare the rod aud spoil the child.” “Count thy chickens ere they’re hatched.” Milton has: “ Peace has her victories, no less renowned than war.” century, left us, “ One murder makes a villain, millions a hero.” Dr. Wolcott gives us: “ Care to oar coffin adds a nail, no donbt. And every grin, so merry, draws one out” Burns says: “ Let us do or die.” “ O wad some power the giftie gie u*. To tee onrailrea aa 1 there see ns.” “The best-laid schemes of mice and men gang aft agley.” More anon. A LITTLE FUN. AN OLD VIRGINIA WELCOME. FROM A KRW FRIKND. No name under the broad blue sky could appeal so strongly to Southern hearts, could express more of beauty and suggest more of patriotism (in the Southern sense) than that your charming paper bears—Thi Surry South ! We loved her in pros perity and adversity; we folded our arms lovingly round her Bonuie Blue Flag when her star went down, and the cypress draped her ruined dream of power, though the laurel was already springing to crown her wakening energy. Fes, Thr Surry South ought to be welcomed at every fireside for its dear old name alone. Who eould not love it for this ?—with admiration for its jeweled pages thrown in for full measure ? It has somehow happened that I have wandered over hill and dale, and drowsily rocked beside the blue seashore, without catching its “ sunny” ray, save once in a while, when a stray gleam stole in to brighten the hours of a hot summer campaign. But now that we have played “ bo peep,” I will venture to hope that our meetings may be often— that a congenial companionship may enliven our weekly reunion around the fireside—that I shall listen delightedly to songs and tales of Dixie, and may tell of the highland beauties of Virginia, the wild hill and dell, the murmuring music of waves and the social phases of my “ City by the Sea. ’ Zada Zikzzle. Norfolk. Small Change. 132 Texas can quit now. She has raised pound watermelon. The aerial quiakstep is what they call a hang ing in Arkansas. Nose to give.—An American lady asked Prince Bismark in a letter for a lock of hair. The Prince immediately returned the letter to the fair petition er with a note on the margin—“Absolutely im possible. ” A Delaware County girl has a pet wood.chuck, with a red head, green eyes and body nearly white. It eats candy, and has been taught to smoke a pipe. The Columbus (Georgia) Enquirer tells its read* ers that the South has it in its power to drive all other cotton mills from the markets of the world, by only taking advantage of its opportuni ties. England is 88,000,000 bushels of wheat short this year, and Bhe isn’t willing to fill the cavity with turnips. “ There isn’t a vegetable, ” says the Worces ter Press, “ that can ketchup up with the toma to. ” A New York insane asylum has four patients who got there by using hair dye aud face enam el. The others went to an idiot asylum. “Can one keep on eating till he busts? ” is the awful' query now being debated at Green Bay. Perhaps it depends on his boarding house- “ Brigham’s death affected me, of course, ” re marks Ann Eliza—“ it affected me the nineteenth part of one toothless, palsied old husband. ” The Albany Argus says that married people love each other better where they have a fight about once a year. They talk about the freedom of the press in this country, yet what journal has dared come out and tell Gail Hamilton that her efforts to raise a rack et would bring her a medal if put to pie-mak ing. A party of lynchers down South postponed the hanging five minutes to allow the victim time to finish smoking a cigar. An Arkansas tombstone is ornamented with a six-shooter. Probably the deceased wanted to make sure of having aome weepin’ over his grave. The negroes comprise only about one-fourth of the population of Memphis, Tennessee, and yet of the 1,253 deaths in that city last year 601, or near ly one-half, were negroes. The managers of agricultural societies long since discovered that the subject of agriculture coul only be made interesting by engaging men to s; at annual fairs who know nothing about fl ing. The House Keeper. Watermelon-rind Preserves.—Pare off the green rind, cut in shapes desired; boil them in strong alum water one hour, then in ginger and water one hour in the syrup made of equal weight of sugar that you have rinds. Flavor with lemon. To Make Apple Butter.—Take sweet cider, boil down one-half; thicken with mellow apples pealed and sliced thin, stirring constantly to preYeht scorchihg. When very thick and of a clear, dark color, add one-half pound sugar to every gallon of the apple butter. Put in jars, cover with a waxed cloth, and set in a cool place. For Grape Preserves.—Take the same weight of sugar that you have of grapes; m'akea syrup; pour it over the grapes while warm; cover close ly, and let them remain twenty-four hourt! then boil the Byrup, pour over again for nihe days, the last time letting the grapes boil slowly in the syrup for one hour. Put in jars, and seal, cap or cover with a waxed cloth- Good Whitewash.—To five gallons of thick whitewash add one pint of salt and two table- spoonsful of gum arabic dissolved in warm water. Boy Sneak ThieTes. Two boys of fourteen and fifteen being arrested in New York for stealing a dress out of' a house confessed that they were hired to steal by a young man who gave them twenty-five cents a day, and when they had been particularly lucky he would increase their wages to fifty cents, and that when they failed to obey him he would beat them into submission. Their method was for one of them to Truth is as impossible to be soiled byanf out- crawl through basement windows and carry off ward touch as the sunbeam.” “ They also serve who only stand and wait.” Nathaniel Lee gave us : • “ When Greeks joined Greeks, then was the tug of war.” Shakspeare generally is credited with this line, ..that was written by Colley Cibber, near the first *f the eighteenth century : “ Richard is himself again.” 8*7 says: “ While there is life, there’s hope. “ O’er the hills and far away” Samuel Johnson tells us, “ life protracted is protracted woe.” Garrick has : “A follow feeling makes one won- . drous kind.” Beilby Porteus, who died early in the present whatever they could secure. Smith generally went through the windows, as he was the smaller of the two. When they could not get into houses they used to thrust a long crooked wire through windows and draw out whatever they could fasten to. When this failed they would fasten a line to the wire, and attaching a fish-hook and a weight to the line, would thus manage to secure booty. Smith gave the list of houses they had robbed. “ Why should the spirit of mortal be proud 1 ” and why do all singers grow fat ? Olive Logan writes gushingly from London of Patti’s “ slight, girlish figure. ” Nonsense. Patti is as fat as an ortolan. We saw her ourself in the Bursaal at Hombonrg, playing Rouge et Xotr, three years ago, and to our horror the warbler waddled. Fact and Fancy. A driver on a Milwaukee avenue car quit work yesterday and started for Turkey to be a Pasha. Women are not bom politicians, and they can pack a trank better than they eould a conven tion. It takes all the enjoyment out of a game of croquet to hear it called “an amusement within the reach of the feeblest intellect” Said an Arkansas ooroner’s jury: “ We find that thq deceased came to his death by Jim Blar- kin’s bowie knife having incidentally touched a vital part” A Hoboken married lady recently put her jaw out of joint while yawning, it is said she was spending the evening at home .alone with her husband. There is untold honor, fame and gold await ing the man who will invent a steam hired girl that will fasten the alley gate at night, and one who can get up in the morning without raising an alarm of fire. Mabel—“ Do take me out, mamma?” Mamma—" I can’t darling, to-day, I am going to shop and make so many calls.” Mabel—“Well it’s very hard; you shouldn’t keep a child if yon cannot take it out.” At a public contest lately held, the following was the prize conumdrnm: What is the differ ence between a tenant and the son of a widow ? The tenant has to pay rents; but the son ofa wid ow has not two parents. Far be it from us to doubt the word of a broth er editor. We believe them all to be truthful men; but when the Durand Times says that the water is so low at the month of the Chippewa river that catfish have to emply mud-turtles to tow them over the bar, we feel as though the ed itor must be away, and some local minister fill ing his place. Joaquin Miller says of one of his tangle-hair ed heroines that she swept the lonesome sea.” It would have been more to her credit to have been at home sweeping the lonesome kitchen or helping her good old mother wash up the sup per dishes instead of tramping off with suoh a nocean in her. What Far-Sighted Married Men arb Doiko. —The crop of “ tidies” is unusually large this year. The ladies have made a great improv- rnent in this article, and can now oover tha baok of a $2 50 chair with a wonderful mass of silk, satin, lace and embroidery costing $15 to $20. Experienced and far-sighted married men ara laying in a stock of camp tools, ao as to have a chance to sit down this winter. The great Smith family had lately a reunion in New Jersey: The noble family Smith In Peapaek’n grove to-day convene*; The aged Smith, the infant Smith, The adolescent Smith in teen*, The manly Smith, the matron Smith, Will swarm amid thosa rural scene*. To feast on pop and pork and beans. To trace a noble pedigree, And knock their cares to Smithereens. Another man has turned against railroads. On one of the flat oars thrown from the track in George Barnett’s field, near Plano, on last Wed nesday night, was a huge steam boiler. This fell from the car and rolled down the embank ment, plunging into a Bind hole. As soon as it became settled, three tramps, who had hid them selves and were stealing a ride, emerged and be gan to clamber up the hill. When safely out one turned, and looking at the boiler in the mud, said: “Well, I’m done with railroads. You won’t catch me in this-^ort.ejW-scrape again.” A philosopher Benedict says; “To be nagged at and blown up by a beautiful being of your own, who loves you all the while like apple pie, and whom you love like plum pudding, is, to my idea, the happiest privilege of matrimony.” A noted miser who felt obliged to make a pres ent to a lady entered a crockery store for the purpose of making a purchase. Seeing a stat- utte broken into a dozen pieces he asked the price. The salesman said it was worthless, but he could have it for the cost of packing in a box. He sent it to the lady with his card, congratula ting himself that she would imagine that it be came ruined while on its way home. He drop ped in to see the effect The tradesman had carefully wrapped each pieoe in a separate piece of paper. Old man B—who lived out on the Eaglewo od road, took down his son’s double-barreled gun, yesterday, and went out into the yard. “ I have not,” he said, “fired off a gun for nigh on to twelve years:” then he pointed the gun at an old shed near the roadside and fired. It does not definitely appear, from the evidence, which mad^ the most noise—the darkie who immedi ately ^merged from the old shed, carrying him self imh both hands, or Mr. B lying on his baok between the scooter and the harrow, trying ■to hold his jaw to its place, or the stranger on the otb$Y side of the fences, with a chunk in each hfetfil, his hat caved in, and a black eye all over his face yelling to know, “what hoof-bound, blear-eyed, four-legged, cock-eyed, son-of-a-bis- cuit hit me with that gun-barrel?” Mr.B has since been heard to remark that he don’t want to fire a gun for nigh onto twelve years more, the Lord willin’. News Items. A fruit-canning establishment on a large scale will soon go into operation in Cullam, Alabama. The money presented to the Pope by pilgrims, during the jubilee amounted to $3,200,000. Of this sum $1,840,000 was in gold; the remainder is paper. A Kentucky paper relates that a boquet thrown to Misa Nichola, who took the premium for riding at the Florenoe Fair, caused her horse to throw her. Under the stalls of large fish dealers in a New York market are tanks of water three feet deep, In which eels and terrapins are kept alive, and killed when ordered. They have bold rats down near Towanda, Illi nois. They infest the cornfields and destroy the ears of corn by climbing up the stalks and eating the grain off the eobs. A young man in Wisconsin who visited a melon- patch at an inconveniently dark hour of the night had his nose shot off and one eye put out by the discharge of a spring gun. The Jacksonville (Fla.) Union says that many of the fig trees in the suburbs ef that city are profusely covered by a fins second crop of figs that will soen be ready for eating. The commercial statements of the Southern newspapers, for the commercial year just end ed, the New Orleans Price Current says, “ seem to be redolent of the blossoms of hope.” Barnum lecturing in England said, “ I hadn’t the remotest idea of lecturing when I came over, but I have a wife who can spend a hundred pounds as fast as I ean make it, so I thought I might as well. Schuyler Colfax has made $100,000 by lectur ing. One hundred thousand dollars is a good thing to have, particularly when the sunset of life catches a man with the gout in both legs, and twinges of rheumatism playing tag up and down his lumber region. A nine year old daughter of Bennett Massey, in Thomas county, Ga was helping her father to pack his ootton, and was spreading the bagging on the bottom of tha screw box when the bolt which held the fellow block gave way and the block came down upon the child, killing her instantly. A servant girl named Harriet Smith was present ed with a valuable gold watch by the people of Maidstone, England, for a rather singular act of bravery. A man was painting the outside cornice of a three-story dwelling in which Harriet was a domestic. The ladder on which the painter stood, fell, and the painter clung to the roof with his legs dangling down by the third-story window. Mias Smith threw open the window and courageously grasped the painter’s ankles just as the exhausted man let go, and she hung on until she dragged him feet first through the window. Hence the watch presentation. A PRAYER. BY MSS. KATIE L W. FRANK LESLIE. The Fall Season. How it open* In Mew York. Already the season is in full blast. The crack of the rifles at Creedmoor, the crash of the failure of Frank Leslie, the broken fall of Augustin Daly, the sound of Vanderbilt’s new trotters over the track of Fleetwood, the buzz of a city full of men here for fall purchases, and citizens returning from Newport and the Branch, and Saratoga—all min gle in a pot-pourri that is as fine an example of the ups, and downs, and ins and outs, and just around the corner, of metropolitan doings as could be wished for. Add to this tha arrest of a young lady of good family, and the married man who is alleged to have wou her affetions, in a carriage on Broadway—do not shrink from a horror in which the unforunate daughter of a respectable resident of Long Island figured—lighten it with the marriage of a handsome actess to a United States senator, and throw in for froth the music of Lecocq, interpreted by Aimee, and the attitudes of The Crushed Tragedian, as delineated by South ern, and you have a truly pretty dish to set before the most regal of potentates—the public. What Ailed Tim. , Tim, the newsboy, was seen coming out of a store the other day with^a box of paper collars in his hand, and as two or three of his associates were very inquisitive as to what he meant to do with them he answered with considerable pompo sity: “ I shall appear in one of them this very after noon, and regularly thereafter till death. ” “ Hoi hoi ho I ” they sneered, “but hain’t you just flinging on the style, though ! You’ve alius looked as mean and ragged as any of us, and now all to once you begin to prance around and wear collars. ” “ Yes, and all to once my sister is going to get married, and all to once the old lady has bought a sewing machine and a big accordion on trust, and all to once dad has been on three coroner’i Too Many Iron* in the Fire—III* Zenobia Spouse—A Fanny Story. Frank Leslie’s failure is more complete than at first supposed. His liabilities are nearly $400,000, and are daily rolling up. The cause is mainly at tributable to the depreciation of real estate, it which Leslie had made large and unwise invest ments. Another strongly inducing cause was the falling off in the circulation of a majority of ^his fleet of publications. While the circulation of one or two was maintained and slightly increased, the aggregate has very much diminished. Frank Les lie’s real name is Carter. He is an Englishman, and came to this country as an engraver. His in fluence on pictorial journalism has been pernicious, and it is perhaps fortunate that his ambition to rival the Harpers has wrought his downfall. A few years ago, separated from his wife, he married a Mrs. Squiers, the wife of Squiers who was for merly our minister to Central America. Besides being the chatelaine of the Leslie castle, she was in stalled as editor of the Ladies' Journal. An amusing story is related of Mr. James R. Young, a full brother of John Russell Young, who occupies, if I am rightfully informed, an import ant pssition in the United States Senate. When comparatively young, and struggling for the prom inent position he has since attained in journalism, he was engaged by Frank Leslie at $30 a week, and, to his dismay, assigned to duty as managing editor of the Ladies' Journal, and ordered to re port to Mrs. Squiers. That eminent blue-stocking gazed at him severely over her spectacles, as he entered timidly and modestly, and motioned him to a dusty chair. After gracefully rounding a paragraph on the proper place for a well-bred woman to wear a combination bustle, she turned towards her trembling sub, and said in short, sharp, atern accents, “ Mr. Young, you have been detailed to my bureau ; Mr. Leslie expects every man to do his duty. You will be here at nine in the morning and leave at four. Cigar smoking is very offensive, and chewing is positively prohib ited under any circumstances. It is my wish, and my wishes, Mr. Young, are, like those of royalty, equivalent to commands in this establishment, that you should board and lodge with some family in good circumstances, with one or two fashionable daughters, where you may keep yourself au fait with the latest toilets and acquire that polish of manner, refinement of taste and softness of de meanor so essential to the managing editor of the Ladies' Journal. It will be your daily task to cull from our foreign exchanges, French, Italian, Ger man and Spanish, any items of interest likely to interest the female sex. Of course you under stand those languages, or Mr. Leslie would not have detailed you to me. I know him too well. You will go now and write an editorial on cara mels.” Jim went up to Malllard’s, the confectioner, and got the pretty black-eyed girl from Brittany, who keeps the chocolate stand, to tell him all about car amels. He was very much admired by the boys for his erudition. The linguistic problem was solved by secretly employing a seedy communist, who hung around Printing-house Square for odd jobs, at five dollars a week. At the end of the first week Jim resigned, twenty-five dollars ahead, and cocoanut crammed with caramel and crinoline lore. To my journalistic brethren I would state that, saving the tints and shades necessary to nar ration, that incident really occurred in the career of the executive clerk of the Senate, for I had it from his own lips.—Exchange. Wales’ Gorgeous Presents- A London correspondent says of the Prince of Wales’ Indian presents: “I doubt if Soloman ever saw anything so gorgeous as this collection at Beth nal Green. Fancy a large glass case full of gold and silver gems. All ablaze with diamonds ! Im agine a bedstead whose coverlet, pillows and cur tains are made of India shawls of the finest texture ever turned out from the looms of Cashmere! Con jure up a dressing-gown composed of the plumage off the backs of millions of gorgeous-hued humming birds! See for yourself a palanquin of tortoise shell, inlaid with gold, with downy cushions cover ed with strange stuffs whose woof seeme as if it Oh! God, when life’s long dream is past, Take ns to thine arms at last; Let n» feel that thon art near, Trusting in thee, know'no fear. Teach n* to feel thy love Is our*; Judge ns with thy savine power, Not as men with reason given, Bnt with pity, born of Heaven. Should temptation e’er betray ns. Then, O Jesns, draw still near ns, Let ns feel that thon art kind, Seeing mot with creature mind. Perchance to all there's sorrow given. Perchance, each heart has wildly striven With some long grief, to thee but known, Yet known to thee, and thee alone. Yet, Jesns, thon art strong to save, Thy weaker lambs, well as the brave; To thee more joy o’er one restored Than all thy flock with grace bestowed. Such woes as may fall to our share, Teach ns with gentleness to bear. Yet should we waver or reject, Pity ns—and yet protect. All are not strong, made so of God, Ten talents each, wag not bestowed. Yet thou who art our Judge in Heaven, Teach us use, euch as are given. And when our course of life is run, Reeall some act in Heaven known; Wipe out our sins of pride, or pain, And make us strong in thee again. The Washington Madhouse—Anec-] dotes ot the Inmates. BY ONE WHO GOT OUT. We mean the Government Insane Hospital, not Congress Hall, though one might be taken for the other. The Government Lunatic Asylum furnish-- es some queer characters. Among them is a Frenchman, who thinks he is President. The phy sicians humor him. As President all inmates ad dress him. He issues passes to those who leave. In cards, draughts, chess, and billiards h# is cham pion. Though having parole of the grounds, he never leaves the hall save on Sunday, when he makes a tour of “official” inspection. A sadder ease is that of a belligerent old German, whom I saw poke a cane through a comrade’s bowels. Soon after the close of the war, in which he did good work, some foolish young men sent him a counterfeit commission, making him general-in chief of the standing army. He thought it genu ine, and took the train for head-quarters. He an noyed the President by so many interviews when ever he saw him on the street, that he was com mitted to the asylum, though sane on other points. Monomaniacs are sometimes cured by fright. One was flung into a river. He arose sane. An other considered himself glass. His wife forgot to mention that she jerked away his chair. He sat. As the glass was not shattered, the mania was. An Irishman had a fondness for heads. He tried to gratify it by butchering his keeper. The head he hid under a rose bush. But it did him no lasting good. He is worse. An old man who shot his wife comforts himself by soldering pans and whit tling canes. He makes the color appropriate to the buyer. Mine was green. An artist of some eminence displayed a carving-knife to his young and beautiful sister, with the cheerful remark: “Mabel, my dear, an odd idea occurs to me. I must paint the head of John the Baptist. Yours is an excellent study. So if convenient, I will cut off your head. Lay it gently in my lap. My ra zor is exceedingly sharp. It will scarcely hurt you. Now, then, Mabel, you're bound for Heav en,sweet!” His face showed no sign of jest. The lady felt her story was in chapter the last. He grasped her hair. “ Well, Harry," said she, “that’s a good idea. But why spoil my new lace ? Let me go up stairs and change, wont you, dear ? ” He nodded sullenly, and sue escaped. John the Baytist adjourned. Your true maniac may lack sound sense, but he rarely wants in versatile wit. “What brought you here?” asked a pert visitor. “What will never bring you—too much brain.” Well, this causes one-third the cases in the largest asylum in Amer ica. Many inmates possess culture and talent to an eminent degree. Some of the most gifted men I ever saw have spent a large slioe of their blasted lives within the gates of despair. The attacker of skepticism who, in Boston and other cities, last winter, attracted audiences so large, was not only during his college course confined in a pivate mad house, but recently married a former patient. One was a student of Dartmouth and a graduate of Yale, then leading business man of Baltimore. He tells me he gave all his money to God. He did—an im mense fortuue. Now his sister supports him by severe and daily toil. She is a lady of beauty, bril liance, and illustrious name. A distinguish professor thought to puzzle one of us by the inquiry, “How long, my good fellow, can a man live without brains V' He at once re plied, “I don’t know, doctor. How old are you?” A Mr. Mann, startled at meeting a lunatic armed with a club, tried to soothe him by a pun: “I am a double man; one by both nature and name-” The other rejoined: “Do tell! Why I am a man beside myself. We two will fight you two.” Clubs won. Ml** Montague * Skeleton- On Friday, in the office of Justice M. Hearn, the skeleton of a woman was sold under execution to satisfy a claim for rent held by the executers of the Rosa estate. Dr. C. Drew became the pur chaser for $20. The skeleton was formerly the property of Dr. L. H. Everett. On the inner side of the hip bone is the card: “Miss Ida Montague, aged 23 years. Died of grief, ^iay 25,1856. Her deathbed request: Honor your sanctum with my bones.’ Forewarned.—“Who in the mischief has order ed such boots as that?” casually asks a young man of his shoemaker, pointing to a colossal pair of No. 9 mud-smashers, with inch-soles, and toes rounded off like the bow of the Brooklyn ferry boat. “Them? Oh, them’s for Mr. ; he said as be expected to do some heavy kickin’ in a day LAMAR HOUSE, KNOXVILLE, TESS., JOHN 8CHERF, Proprietor, T HIS HOUSE is located in the centre of the city, op- poaite the Opera Honae, and near the Post Office ahd Telegraph Office. The rooms are pleasant, table good and charge* moderate. Passenger* and baggage carried free to and from the depot. 121-tf ’ were diamonds,its web rubies and emeralds. One jurys and is fixing things to run for constable, and I glass case is full of jeweled swords, all of enormous all to once I’m goiagto ksep up my end of the fam- value and great beauty, The handsomest came ilv if it takea my last dollar, and that’s what ails j from Delhi, and with its jeweled hilt and scabbard me ; j and waist belt is valued at $50,000. READ HOUSE, CHATTANOOGA, TENN., (Fronting Union Passenger Depot,} JNO. T. READ A CO., Proprietors. 121-tf THE FLOUR CORN. TIT AKRANTED TO MAKE FIRST-CLA88 FLOUB M Price, 1 cent per grain, or 500 grain* for $4.00; by mail or prepaid exprea*. Addreaa L. L. OSMENT, 121-4t Cleveland, XfSTlNCT PRINT