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Remarkable Epitaph on a Wife.
In Horsley Down churchyard, England, is the fol
lowing Inscription:
Here lies the bodies of
Thomas Bond and Mary his wife,
* She was temperate, chaste and charitable.
But
She was proud, peevish and passionate.
She was an affectionate wife and a tender
mother,
But
Her husband and child, whom she loved, seldom
saw her countenance without a disgusting
frown,
Wh ilsttbe received visitors whom shedespised with
an endearing smile.
Her behavior was discreet towards strangers,
But
Imprudent in her family.
Abroad her conduct was influenced by good
Breeding,
But
At heme by ill temper.
She was a professed enemy to flattery, and was
Iseldcm known to praise or < ommend;
“ But
The talents in which she principally excelled
Were difference of opinion and discovering
flaws and
Imperfections.
She was an admirable economist,
And, without prodigality,
Dispensed pleniy to every person in her family,
But
Would sacrifice their eyes to a farthing candle.
She sometimes made her husband
Happy with good qualities,
But
Much more frequently miserable with her
Many failings.
Inasmuch that in thirty years cohabitation,
He often lamented that,
Maugre all her virtues.
He had not on the whole enj< yed two years
Of matrimonial comfort.
At length.
Finding she had lost the affection of her hus
band, as well as the regard of her neigh
bors, family disputes having been
divulged by servants,
She died of vexation, July 20,1768,
Ageel is years.
Her worn-cut husband survived her four months
and two days, and departed this life
Novt mber 28, 1708,
In the 54th year of his age.
William Bond, brother to the deceased,
Ereeteel this stone as a
■Weekly m< nitor to the wives of this parish,
That they may avoiu the infamy of having
Their memories handea down to posterity
With a patchwoik character.
MAY VEHTUEY;
-OB,—
The little Teacher.
BX LAVINIA H.
May Vertney had just left her pler.sant home
her friends, her pets, her flowers, aDd gene to
a distant part oi the State to teach school. Quite
lonely she felt at first among strangers, but
such a nature as May’s could not live in isola
tion. Her sunny smiles and graceful wajs soon
won her many friends.
May was young and inexperienced, to go out
in the world to tarn a support for herself, but
knowirg -where there’s a will there’s away,’ she
went determined to succeed.
She was nearly nineteen, though seemiDg
three years youDger, so petite and child like
was her gracelul figure. Slender, active as an
antelope, a quality cultivated by her love for
wild mountain rambles, htzle eyes full of frank
ness and purity, brown,wavy hair clustering all
about her well-shaped head, and full, broad
brow upon which intellect and energy were
written.
By constant application she had improved
the opportunities given her, and being sweet-
tempered and conscientious, was well prepared
to fill the place she occupied. V-
She had not much difficulty in winning the
affections of her pupils; and, their confidence
once gained she knew that it would be easy to
control them, and secure their obedience. True
she had an obstinate case now ani then, but
when the rebellious ones found they were in
the wrong, they were always ready to acknowl
edge it, for tear of losing the love of the teacher
who looked more grieved than angry at their
dereliction.
As the end of the school term approached,
each pupil was stimulated to do his best, for
there was to be a public examination, when all
the|trustees and school directors, would sit in sol
emn audience, and all the neighborhood would
be sure to attend.
But whenever May thought of this event, she
was troubled with no little misgivings, for it
was her first examination, and should her pu-
E ils fail, what would her patronB say ? But she
ad done her best, and now the day was fast
approaching;could she go through the ordeal ?
She must now, for she had gone thus far, she
could not tnrn back; but how could she face so
many people, so many new faoes and she so
young and timid !
She almost wished it wonld rain or storm on
the eventlul day, but no, the morning dawned
brilliantly. The sun shone, the birds sang
cheerily to her as she went out to walk off her
nervousness. ‘Cheer up, cheer up,’ whistled
the blackbird, but when she stopped still and
the stein face of the school Superintendent rose
before her and she imagined the eyes of several
hundred people looking at and criticising her,
and commenting on her presumption, she for
got the bird's hoptful injunction and sudden
ly covering her face with her hands exclaimed
alond:
‘Oh dear, I shall never go through with it. I
will stammer and fail and want to sink through
the floor.’
The next instant she heard the rustle of
boughs close beside her, she dropped the hands
from her face, turned quick as thought, and
there, with his gun on his shoulder and the
busby tail of a squirrel hanging from his game
bag, stood one, who to tell the truth, had been
uppermost in her mind, when she thought of
all those criticising eyes that were going to look
adversely upon her. There he stood—the hand
some, rising young lawyer, Fred Claremont,
with a reassuring smile on his moustached
mouth, and a merry twinkle in his hazle eyes.
‘You heard me!’ she ejaculated, blushing vio
lently.
‘Yes, I couldn’t help it though. But never
mind, I can sympathize with yon. I’ve been
all along there. Why, you ought to have seen
me the day I was to make my first speech in
court. I was cold as a frog and was flushing in
spots, and my heart thumped up and down like
a steam piston. I was sure I was going to make
a grand failure.’
'And did you ?’ May asked naively.
‘Not a bit of it. I did first rate, the old law
yers declared. I nerved myself up to it, and I
tried to forget myself and the people that were
about to listen to me and to think only of what
I was going to say. It’s best not to look for
ward in such matters. Don’t think about bow
cola the water may be or you will lose courage
to take the plunge. I feel sure you will acquit
yourself with credit. I know you have consci
entiously tried to prepare your pupils and when
we have done out best we may confidently look
for a reward. But what a pretty spray of wild
morning glories that is, hanging from that gol
den red! let me gather it for you.’
Then he walked on back with May, Baying no
more about the examination, but talking of the
weather, the birds, the fruit crop, the flowers,
the last ‘Lippincott,’ which he promised to bring
May—that she might read a poem he was sure
she would like.
Altogether he quite calmed and steadied the
little nervouB teacher, and made her forget her
apprehensions. His tones were so quiet and
strong, his very look had something soothing
and reassuring in it May felt inexpressibly
grateful to him, and as for him, though he had
met the little teacher before, she had not made
such an impression on him as she did now. He
wondered he had not noticed how pretty was
her modest apple blossom faoe,and how expres
sive the brown eyes under their long, drooping
lashes.
They parted at the gate, and May ran in to
her breakfast full of courage and hopefulness.
The dreaded day passed with much gratifi
cation both to May and her patrons. So well
pleased were the parents of her pupils that they
resolved to secure May for the next session.
The eveniDg exercises were equally gratifying.
Many went because they had no other way of
spending their time and not because they were
interested in Miss Yertney’s welfare, neither
caring whether she was successful nor intend
ing to stay until the entertainment should close.
But at the close of the first piece they had be
come interested, and declared the entertainment
was gotten up with taste and care. The girls
were complimented for acting their pieces so
well while many crowded around May to express
the pleasure they received. Her praise was on
every lip and the stern looking chief of the
school board shook hands with her and compli
mented her for the admirable manner in which
the examination had been conducted and the
concluding entertainment—the dessert of the
exercises—had passed off.
Her eye sought Fred Claremont. He had no
opportunity of conversing with her; he could
only bow and smile his congratulations; his
compliments must be reserved until a better
opportunity. May would like much to have
spoken to him but she was busy all the evening.
Next evening however he called to bid her good
bye, and though others were present, with flat
teries and attentions she prized his few words
of praise and the farewell pressure of his hand
more than their more demonstrative atten
tions.
When she returned to her school after vaca
tion, she again met Mr. Claremont. He came
sometimes to spend the evening and he learned,
to admire her frank, pure nature as well as her
lovely lace, while his earnest, manly character
revealed itself to her gradually and enlisted her
warmest regard, still their intercourse was only
friendly and no word of love had been spoken,
till the time drew near when, she would return
home for the winter holiday. It was near the
last of November, but the mildness and rich
beauty of Indian summer still lingered over
the eaith, and the sunshine lay, soft and still
upon the hills where May and Fred wore walk
ing under the tall plumy pines.
Walking slowly along they came to a little
mossy knoll. They sat down upon it; for a mo
ment they were silent. He took her little hand
within his own and softly spoke her name. She
looked up into his face. As their eyes met, she
flushed rosy as a mountain pink and her lids
dropped quickly but not before he had read her
secret. They had resolved to be friends but
friendship was forgotten at this moment.
‘May,’ he exclaimed ‘my darling, I
love you. My heart beats for you alone, you
are my first, my only choice. Will you be
mine, my wife through all time and eternitj?
He read his answer in her blushing face and in
the eyes full ot tender trust that she raised for
a moment to meet his own.
When the last leaves were falling May returned
home.
Fred soon followed. Seeing her in her own
tastefully arranged home, he found her still more
lovable. He felt he had won a prize, as indeed
he had. And when he led her to the alter, as
the May roses were begining to bloom, the bless
ings of many friends went with them,—and, in
tLeir pleasant homo, among the flowers that May
loved to tend, the birds never seemed weary
with their songs, and the sun seemed brighter
there than elswhere.
banting all over the oity, bat with little effect
Nearly all the physieians and narsee smoke all
the cigars they can. That helps them a little
while visiting the siok. On Poplar, Carroll and
Yanoe streets, for instenoe where the better
classes live, the plogne is not so malignant hat
even them terror prevails and great suffer
ing is experienced. On Winchester street the
scenes are terrible. Q n Monroe Btreet I found
five women all sick with the fever whose hus
bands had fled.’
‘Is that common ?'
•Quite common among the lower classes. One
can have no idea of the panio existing there.
Indeed, it is no uncommon thing for the sick to
be entirely deserted. When it is noticed that
there are no signs of life about a house, it is
broken open and the dead are found in advanc
ed stages of putrefaction. The work of their re
moval is a job before which the stoutest quail.’
‘Who suffer the most—the women or the
men ? ’
‘The women by far. Of the number attacked
fully 80 per cent, died. They hardly ever get
well, and suffer much more than the men from
hemorrhages, and the children come next.’
Domestic A Hail’s.
The City ot Horrors.
Wiiat A Washington Doctor Saw 111
Jlemphls,
Dr. William T. Ramsey, one of the physicians
who went to Memphis with the corps of Wash
ington nurses, has returned to Washington, in
company with Dr. T. P. Pease and Miss Wallis.
The following interview with Dr. Ramsey dis
closes some of the horrors and necessities of that
plague-stricken city:
‘Before reaching Memphis, even when five
miles out, the air was laden with the yellow-fever
poison, and as we approached the city the stench
was absolutely sickening. Dr. Pease and myself
went to Peabody Hotel, the only one now open,
and were shown into a room from which a dead
body had just been removed. Vessels of black
vomit were standing about the room, but the
bed-clothes had beeu changed. The hotel itself
is a perfect pest-house, and victims of the dis
ease are in two-thirds of the rooms. Sulphur
pans are kept burning in the halls, and the
clothes, bedding, <fcc., are constantly disinfect
ed, but thev cannot get help enough in the ho
tel to do one-half what ought to be done.’
•What seems to be their greatest need?’
‘Provisions, clothing, physicians, money,
nurses and medicines, and about in the order
named. The best thing that can be done now is
to send plenty of provisions and clothing. The
negroes and many poor whites, for a section of
150 miles aronnd Memphis, have flocked in there
hearing they could get something to eat, and as
for clothes, hundreds of poor people are going
about the streets—especially colored women—
with hardly anything on at all. The sights in
this respect are distressing.’
‘Where do these people go to who come in
from the country ? ’
•They wander about the city in bands, and
when they find a vacant house they break into
it and take possesion and appropriate whatever
they want. The authorities are powerless to pre
vent such outrages.’
‘About the physicians ? ’
‘There are seventy-five there now from abroad
and fully one hundied and fifty more are need
ed. The volunteer physicians are doing a noble
work, and without pay, except such as are paid
by their home friends and and socities. They
are not paid by any one in Memphis, and don’t
ask or expect it. At the same time, however,
a volunteer physician going there ought to be
liberally supplied with funds, for he is under
constant personal expense.’
‘How did you protect yourself from the fe
ver ? ’
‘On my arrival Mr. Langstaff, President of the
Howards, and one of the noblest men God ever
let live, urged my immediate return, but I de
termined to stay. Dr. Pease and myself took
each of us thirty grains of quinine and 120 drops
of tincture of iron every day, and the only effect
it had was to increase the perspiration. Such
doses could not be taken here, which leads me
to believe that it is in some sense a powerful an
tidote to the fever. Of course we use carbolic
acid freely as a disinfectant. I wore linen suits,
changing them every day, and they turned fairly
yellow from the effects of the iron. At night we
wore thick veils, soaked in carbolic acid, oyer
our faces, for there is no language to describe
the awful stench in the city. It is now filthy to
the last degree. The bayous which set in from
the river and the surface drainage with whicn
they are filled, the nncieansed streets and alleys,
rotten wooden pavements, deep dust of the ma
cadamized streets, dead animals and putrefying
human bodies and the half-buried dead all
combine to make the atmosphere thiok with
poiBon and something fearful to endure. Bon
fires of tar-barrels and sulphur fires are kept
Gbape Pbesebves.—Wash the fruit, press the
pnlp into an open dish, the skins into another;
cook the pnlp sufficiently and put through a
colander; weigh pnlp and skins, then take three
quarters of a pound of sugar to one of fruit; put
into your kettle; when dissolved, add the fruit
and boil twenty minutes.
Washing Soda.—Be careful,how you use wash
ing soda. Ail above an ounce per gallon of wa
ter is wasteful and injurious.
Do Not Deink While Eating.—A simple and
effectual remedy for dyspepsia is to abstain from
drinking immediately before and during meals,
and for an hour afterwards.
Good foe Pigs.—Wood ashes, with the bits of
charcoal in them, and coal ashes too, are excel
lent for fattening pigs. Figs cannot stuff them
selves week after week, without their stomachs
getting out of order, and the bits of charcoal
check aoidity and regulate them, and help to
improve their appetites.
A Cube fob Wakefulness.—To cure wakeful
ness, wrap cloths dipped in cold water around
the waist and sometimes lay a wet cloth on the
top of the head; or take a sponge bath just be
fore retiring, having a plenty of pulverized
borax in the water, and rubbing the body well
with a coarse towel to get up a good circulation.
The Good Qualities of Blown Bee.yd.— Good
brown bread supplies in itself the nourishing
properties of many kinds of food. It contains
albumen, fibrine, gluten and phosphate of lime;
it makes bone, muscle, blood and tissne. The
wandering Arab lives almost entirely upon such
bread, with a few dates as a relish—and this not
because meat is scarce in his part of the world,
but because he feels no need for it.
To Behove Mildew.—Wet in rain-water; rub
the spots with soap and chalk; lay in the sun
and dew two or three days and nights. The
spot should be thoroughly rubbed with the soap
and ohalk once or twice each day.
Angel Puddings.—Two ounces of flour, two
ounces of powdered sugar, two ounces of batter
melted in half a pint of new milk, two eggs, lea v-
ing out one white, mix and bake half an hour
in sancers, tnrn them oat into a dish, and serve
hot with sweet sance.
Light Paste fob Taets. —Beat the white of
an egg to a strong froth; then mix it with as
mach water as will make three-quarters of a
pound of fine flour ipta a stiff paste; roll it very
thio^4hen lay the IhMLpart ef half a pc«uad of
butter upon it in little bits; dredge it with some
flour left out at fiist and roll it up tight. Iioll
it out again and put the same proportion of but
ter; and so proceed until all be worked up.
Subpeise Pudding.—One cup not quite full
of sugar; two cups of flour; four eggs; two full
teaspoons of baking powder; a little salt and
frtsh lemon. Break the eggs in an earthen dish
without beating; pour over these the sugar; sift
in the flour and baking powder; first stir and
then heat all well for ten minntes. Bake in well-
buttered oval tin, in pretty qnick oyen Ot ought
to bake in twenty minutes.) Eat with cream
or any sauce preferred.
Apple Dumplings.—Six cups of flour; one and
one-half cups of batter and lard mixed; two tea
spoons of baking powder; enough milk or water
to mix. Boil an inch thick and cut in round
cakes. Have ready nice, ripe.juicy apples quar
tered; place three pieces on a cake sugared and
seasoned to taste; and a small piece of butter;
cover with another cake; pinoh and roll the
edges together till well closed and round in shape
fleur your pudding bags (I use knitted ones);
tie loose and steam one and one-half hours. The
above can be made into one dumpling if prefer
red. It takes longer to cook and is not so nice
ly served. Eat with cream or wine sauce.
Colds.—By simply abstaining from drink and
liquid food of any kind for as long a period as
possible, the internal congestion, which is the
condition known as ‘a cold’ becomes reduced.
The cause of the congestion is said to be the ex
cess of blood contained in the overcharged mem
branes, and this is removed when the general
bulk of blood has been diminished by withhold
ing the usual supply of fluid; by keeping the
supply of drink for a day or two down to a
point at which some degree of thirst is yet ex
perienced, a complete cure may be effected.
To Keep Tomatoes.—Just before the first frosts
in the fall of the year, pull the tomato vines up
with the green ones on it and hang them under
a shelter by the roots. They will ripen and
taste good until Christmas.
To Clean Bbass RoDs.^r-Get flour of emory.
Wet a woolen cloth with kerosene oil and rub
well. The emory costs about twenty cents a
pound and will last for a long time.
In making cake, accuracy in proportioning
the ingredients is indispensible. It is equally
indispensible for the success of the cake that
it should be placed in a heated oven as soon
as prepared. It is useless to attempt to make
light cake unless the eggs are perfectly fresh
and the butter good. Neither eggs nor batter
and sugar should be beaten in tin, as its cold
ness prevents their becoming light. To ascer
tain if a large cake is perfectly done, a broad-
bladed knife should be plunged into the center
of it; if dry and clean when drawn out the cake
is done. For a smaller cake insert a broom-
straw ; if it comes out in the least moist, the
cake should bo left in the oven.
Two Noted Grave Robbers.
Our readers will remember the account given
in these columns of the robbing of the grave of
the Hon. Scott Harrison, in Ohio last May, the
body being found in the dissecting, room of the
Ohio Medical College. Publio indignation just
ly brands any man as a scoundrel who will rob
the grave of the dead, But there are two noted
grave robbers in the oountry, so far from being
the subjects of the people's wrath, are univer
sally lauded for their virtues. The reason is
plain. .While the former class steal the a«.ad
bodies of our loved ones to submit them to the
dissecting knife, these only rob the graves to
restore the living victims to oar hearts and
homes. Their names—Dr. Pieroe's Golden
Medical Discovery and Pleasant Purgative Pell
ets—are household Words the world over. The
Golden Medical discovery cores consumption,
in its early stages, and all bronchial, throat, and
lnng affections; Pleasant Purgative Pellets are
the most valuable laxative and cathartio.
The Famous “Echo Farm.”
Why It haa Mode Haney. Conducted Strict
ly by Hyitern.
A group of commodious buildings, and flagstaff
crowning a hill, whioh forms part of a ridge
1300 teet above the sea, and about one mile east
of the anoient and historic town of Litchfield,
marks the site of the Echo Farm. In 1869 Conn.
Mr. F. Batehford Starr, a native of Halifax, Nova
Scotia, bnt for nearly thirty years a resident of
Philadelphia, purchased a small tract of sixty-
six acres on the Bite indieated for a Bammer resi
dence. The principal object in view was health.
Mr. Starr had accumulated a large fortune in
Philadelphia as the general agent of several of
the largest foreign and home insurance com
panies, He early married a daughter of John
Atwood, a prominent citizen of Philadelphia,
and then made his permanent home there. He
soon, however, became deeply interested in this
little track in the Litchfield hills. Notwith
standing the wildness of the country and the
bonlders which encumbered the land, the soil
was fertile and especially adapted to grass and
grazing. There was a fascination about the
clearing of new fields. Each year Mr. Starr be
came liS8 interested in his elegant Philadelphia
home and more fascinated with his new scene
of industry, Mrs. Starr, a matronly woman, and
still showing traces of extraordinary yonthful
beauty, informed ns that she raised great oppo
sition to the new scheme. She coaid not see
why a gentleman with a delightful home in a
large city, a fine yacht, in which he coaid cruise
and entertain his friends in snmmer, and an
abundance of means to gratify every inclina
tion, should abandon a life of refined leisure
for hard work and responsibility. But, with
wifely devotion, she soon found ample compen
sation for all her sacrifices, in the restored
health ot her husband, and a year ago she and
her daughter, their only child, consented to the
closing np of their delightful Philadelphia
home, and the transfer of their residence to the
isolation of the Litchfield hills. To-day the little
tract of the sixty-six acres has expanded into
four hundred acres, miles of stone walls have
been built, lawns, meadows and pastures have
been cleared of huckleberry, elder and hazle
bnshes, and a tangled growth of nnderbrnsh.
Tons of the granitic and micaceous boulders of
divers diminsions have been removed. This
now is the clebrated Echo model farm, and the
interest taken in its successful management is
shown by the fact that two days in each week
have been set apart for visitors, sometimes six
ty in a single day, who come from far and wide
to witness, for information or cariosity, the
wonderful results reached by Mr. Starr. A
visit to the Echo farm must convince everyone
capable of approaching such thing that the
difficulty with the majority of farmers in the
United States, we allude to those who have the
means and ability, who complain that there is
no money in farming, is that they carry on their
operations in a slipshod way, with a sort of
save at the spigot and leak at the bang system
of economy, and never know whether their
crops cost more or less than they realize. Farm
ing on business principles has been treated
derisively as fancy farming, or book farming,
and the application of a little intelligence and
a system of accounts has been regarded as the
forerunner of bankruptcy. Mr. Starr thought
otherwise. The same energy and system and
familiar business principles whioh made his
former enterprise successful he now determined
to apply to farming and an improved system of
agriculture which might be profitably followed
by others. The starting point of his theory is
a thorough system of accounts. Not a dollar is
expended upon the farm, nor a dollar realized
from it without being entered ia an appropriate*
account. An account is opened with every field
which is debitted with labor and fertilizers, and
credited with the amonnt of hay, grain, pasture
or anght else realized from it An account is
opened with each animal, which is debitted
with all its food and attendance and credited
with milk or other source of revenue. A regular
account is also kept between Mr. Starr, who
lives in the homestead, and Farmer Starr, who
snperintends the farm. Every quart of cream
or milk, or pound of butter, every bushel of
vegetables, every ton of hay or pound of oats,
or anything else supplied from the farm to the
homestead is duly oharged, and Mrs. Starr,
who resides there, is required to make weekly
settlements with farmer Starr as if he were any
other farmer instead of her husband. There
is also the pay account, the construction ac
count, repair account and the general crop
and feed aoconnt, with which the detailed ac
counts with each head of stock must balance.
In order to facilitate business a number of tel
egraph wires run between farmer Starr's office
in the homestead buildings and tbe barns and
dairy, for giving orders and communicating
signals.
An Artist’s Home in Boston.
Boston is a nice place for small people to live;
that is for homes on small incomes. Folks, and
nice folks, have snoh a way of doing as they
Massachusetts please about living, live in snch
odd. comfortable ways that it makes less differ
ence whether one Has $10 or $100 a week than
in any place I can just name. A range of dor
mer windows in the roof of a business building
on Tremont street was pointed out where one of
the finest artists in the country has kept house
for twenty years. The family have the upper
floor, with sunshine and pure air abundant,
above the noise of the street and other tenants,
and there they spread their rugs and pictur
esque furnishings, and the wife has her sitting-
room, with its photographs and casts and
flowers by one big window, and her husband’s
studio the other, and the big, skylighted dining-
parlor beyond sees goodly company of wits and
artists of all professions. There they gave their
friends champagne and game when they had it,
and ale and crackers when they had nothing
else, and there, a stone’s throw from Kings
Chapel and the common, they mado their nest
and reared a child to manhood. The original of
this home is so well known that I mast disclaim
a desire to intrude on its privacy, save to illus
trate a style of life, taken up and apologized for
in some oases elsewhere, but accepted here as a
picturesque variation on houses with improve
ments and burdens. These grimy brick busi
ness buildings are honeycombed in odd nooks
by small households of one or two women, per
haps, not living like artists and professipnal peo
ple I have seen, by the aid ot a sooty nttle gas-
stove and wash-basin behind a screen, or in
frowsy, doubtfal luxury of furnished rooms, but
in bright family fashion, with fresh carpets and
lounges and the neatest cupboard kitchens, from
whioh they will bring suoh coffee and ohops as
prove their membership of the Breakfast Club,
where Boston girls learn muffins and crumpets
and salads, in the prettiest brown linen aprons,
bound with scarlet and blue.—Saxe Holmes.
FUN.
Mr. Ontoh of New York mentioned his name
to the bystanders os the oar door jammed his
fingers lost week.
It is the experience of cirons proprietors that
one stock of clown’s jokes will outlast seven sets
of canvas covering.
The New York Commercial says the street
car drivers have ‘struck for their haltars and
their hires.’
Sonthern papers record how, just before tfae
hanging of a man in Alabama, the band ployed
•Dixie’ and ‘The Girl I Left Behind Me.’ This
band had a good deal of brass.
If two swallows make a summer, and two
pieces of bananna peel on the sidewalk make a
full, sorely the water-heater on the bar-room
counter is proof positive that dread winter is
close upon us, and that the time for redeeming
last winter’s ulster is at hand.
A letter recently produced in a breach of
promise suit as evidence contained the following
sentence: ‘Dearest Love: I swallowed the post
age stamp on your letter becanse I knew your
lips had touched it.’
The same all-wise Providence that watches
over the man with a dyed moustache, guards
the gentle maiden of forty odd summers who
persists iu putting two thick layers of chalk on
her face, aad declares in her most truthful tones
that she abominates the practice of painting the
face.
Hartford Times: A little five-year-old boy, re
siding with his parents in the Cheney block,
was asked by a lady a few days since for a kiss.
He immediately .complied,but she, noticing that
the little fellow drew his hand across his lips,
remarked, ‘Ah, but you are rubbing iioff.’ ‘No
I ain’t,’ was the quick rejoinder. ‘I’m rubbing
it in !’
Every man has a right, in this free country, to
blow his nose, but it should be made a penal of
fence to imitate a saw-mill explosion in doing
so. We need a nicer adjustment of things in
this world.
A man in Illinois committed suicide by
drowning, lately, in six inches of water. He
could have done it alone, but his wife, with that
self-sacrificing devotion and hopefulness so
characteristic of the sex, sat on his head.
IMPERIAL UKASE.
THE HARVEST FEAST.
To the King's Loyal Subjects:
Geand High Chambeblain's Inneb Sanctum, }
In the Year of our Reign 5570- \
I, Hijim, am specially directed by his Jovial
Majesty, ltex, the Magnificent, to order a change
in the annual coming of the merry retinae; and
so, from doll and gloomy January days, when
slush and sleet begrime the street, the fair har
vest season shall become oar time; and to the
end that all persons may enjoy the occasion, it
is hereby commanded:
1. Laying aside all civil and other avocations,
the good people of this country do assemble and
pay tribute to the Harvest Feast; for hark ye !
have ye not rolled iu wealth and sucked the
juice of the blushing grape ? fed upon the lusty
pig and sturdy ox? aye, grown fat upon Nature’s
bou lty ? Surely some fitting tribute you must
pay to the goddess !
2. Becognizing as much, it has been our pleas
ure to command a gathering of the tat of the
land in October of this year, in order that all
persons, from all sections, may make some fit
ting demonstration to celebrate our coming;
and therefore the North Georgia Stock and Fair
Association is ordered to convene in the good
city of Atlanta, October 21st; and upon October
25th the grand celebration of the Harvest Feast
will transpire. Occupying as it will an import
ant episode in the history of the country, a com
mand is hereby issued to everybody to attend
and eDjoy the occasion.
We are pleased to command the attendance of
Military Companies, and all such comply ing
with the Boyal Mandate shall fill a position in
the Spectacular Cavalcade.
The Queen of the Feast, by special Eoyal or
ders, will be elected from some visiting belief
upon which occasion the Crown will in person
be placed by his most Jovial Majesty.
I am further desired by his Majesty to ac
knowledge former courtesies, and to express for
him a hope that great effort will be made to
make the occasion one of nnprecedented inter
est in the history of the oountry. Surely you
should celebrate the occasion of a plenteous
harvest, and offer that praise necessary to so im
portant an occasion.
All things considered, the time is ripe and
laughter shakes our sides. Behold ! The Lager
shall flow in plenteous streams,and lantern-jawed
gossips take a back seat. Fun and pleasure
shall bold high carnival, and a new era be in-
augerated.
Hum.
Approved: Warwick.
This meets with Boyal sanction.
EES.
HOUSE.
Monday Evening, September 30th.
1 Patronized by a bon ton clientele everywhere!
EMERSON’S
California Minstrels
and the original
Great statesmen, huge stallions, fat hogs and
mammoth pumpkins startle the rnral popula
tion at their fairs this season.
Mrs. Partington says that her minister preach
ed about ‘the parody of the probable son.’
A grooer advertises in the following terse
manner: ‘Hams and cigars, smoked and un-
smoked.’
Spontaneous Combustion. —Oiled sawdust,
aoted upon by the rays of the sun, will soon
burst forth into flame.
SMITH, WALDRON, MORTON and MARTIN,
headed by that acknowledged Prince of Minstrelsy,
BILLY EMERSON
Occupying the same position in the Minstrel world
that Edwin Booth does in the Dramatic, with a
COTERIE OF TWENTY ARTISTS!
Scale of Prloes-Sk'. and $1.00. Reserved
seats obtained three days in advance at Phillips &
Crew’s. ERNEST STANLEY, Director.
DYKES* BEARD ELIXIR <im '
it. anti will do It 6a ttie smoothes! face.
iMore thou tb.000 vmin* taer ALREADY WEAR
'HEAVY MOPBTAfcUF, AND BEARD, haring u~-d
ftom ItoS Pock'g*. Nainjury. Easily applied. C*rtat
in effect. Package^itlkdirectlon* Tot
Wet*. L. L. 8M1TH&CO. SolaAg'u, PalaiiM.HL
Th» preparation iuu teueco. Tbe pablic will aaa QaacanUoa and Addr— mm at ore
AGENTS WANTED
In every city and county throughout the Southern
Status to sell our celebrated
F renounced the Champion Lightning Plaiter of the world
t makes any and all variety of plaiting in one-dfth tho
time, more regular and uuiform thau any other machine.
It will make from 50 to 100 yards per day. and is so sim
ple that a child can use it. It is the best selliu" article
in the market, selling in every family. No lady will pos
sibly be without it after once seeing the working of it.
Energetic agents can make from $3 to $10 per day. Pur
chasers should see to it that every machine bears out
name, and is stamped : Patented April 18th, 1S78.
Price, postage-paid, #1.30.
Address
Hochhemkb & Maas,
. .Manufacturers,
aogl3-lm Atlanta. Ga,^