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VOL. VII J. H. & W. B. STSA.IjSlrac^jroM.
ATLANTA, GA., SEPTEMBER 17, 18S1.
Terms in Advance: {siUil&p**'™: NO. 31S
„ ., continued Brief-
leigh,” you say you tracked the man through
the corp field?”
“Yes, I did.”
“How many hones tracks were there?”
“Only one,”
“And that was your mare?”
“Yes.”
“How did you know that?”
“Why—why—because there was only one
hone missiDg from my stable.”
“Did you call any one else to look at the
tracks?”
“No I din’t. I reckon I had eyee of my
own. didn’t I?”
“No doubt, but now tell me sir whether or
not,” said Briefleigh, speaking impressively,
with a heavy frown, eyes half-closed and
throwing out before him the conventional,
legal fore-finger, “whether or not sir, you
told Mr. Mainspring, on yesterday, in M
sons store, that your mare had on a twisted
shoe so you could tell her track among a
thousand in the dark?”
No I didn’t by—”V=“
Church Rules For Ladies.
horse out through a corn field, leaving tracks
that had been identified and traced to town.
The court consisting of Summons, “Square”
Skinflint, who had been called in to assist in
presidsng, met at the appointed hour and
pussy little Offand, the constable, opened it
with a ponderous voice and all the dignity of
an English high sheriff.
Loller was prosecuting for the state,and the
prisoner was defended by Briefleigh, a young
lawyer of no experience and a modicum of
ability
Bagberry was the first witness called to
the stand, which was a rickety three legged
chair propped against the judicial table, and
detailed with great precision one side of the
rumor of the gossips, which he had manifestly
manufactured to influence public opinion—
that great and fundamental law or inter
pretation of the law, which possesses the ex
clusive prerogative of dictating the verdict
of incorruptible juries—and preparing it in
advance—when he was turned over to the
defence for cross examination.
“Mr. Bagberry,” queried Briefleigh, “did
you have any transactions with the defend
ant on that day?” « —
“No sir: none at all 1"
“Did you see him?”
“Yee.”
“Did you speak to him?”
“No.”
“Make a minnte of that.” (Aside to Dr.
Barnes who was acting as amicus curiae for
Dress hard all morning, such is late,
Then enter church some minutes late:
All eyes will then be turned on you,
And will observe your bonnet new.
Let humble modesty wreathe your face,
And take your seat with humble grace;
Let all your thoughts be fixed on high,
And rearrange your cardinal tie.
Dump.)
“Nov
Think how religion’s prone to bless.
And criticise your neighbor's dress;
Let all your heart be filled with praise,
And notice Mrs. Miggie s lace.
Catch well the precepts as they fall
And smootl e the wn ikies in your shawl;
Think of the sinner’s fearful fate,
And notice if your bonnet’s straight.
Pray for the influence divine—
The lady’s basque, mark the design;
Let tender peace possess your mind,
And criticise that hat behind.
Reflect upon the wicked’s ways;
Sec il your gold chain’s out of place;
Think of the peace the good shall find,
And wonder who are those behind.
Think of the burdens Christians bear,
And notice those strange ladies there;
The last words hear with contrite heart,
And fix your pull-back when you start.
Walk down the aisle with head elate;
Speak not to those of low estate;
Backbite your neighbors over dinner,
And thank the Lord you’re not a sinner.
■ ■ I A
ww , 1
-AND-
How They Got Married.
A TRUTHFUL. STORY.
BY R. S. BEVIEB.
Author of “II if lory of the First and Second Confed
erate Missouri Brigades,” and “From,
Wakamsa to Appomattox.”
CHAPTER I.
PREMONITORY
The practice, more honored in the breach
ft., in the otierfanw of referring through
the agency of asterisks, daggers, and double
111-1—1 *. W‘ ilM L'ii.^'1- c-lalji 1 ^
for the aotborfltss need in the compilation of
this history, 1 have carefully avoided. As
Byron upon one occasion asserts “I mean to
show things as they really are, not as they
ought to be. ”
My gentle readers, knowing this, will ap
preciate the absence of citations and he fully
prepared to receive what is herein written,
as true, upon the qualifying theory that if it
is not so it ought to be, and that if fault rests
anywhere it must be with the facts.
1 can state that the Kansas adventures and
life in Southwest Missouri I can verify as be
ing mainly drawn from my own personal—if
in all respects not very fortunate,experience.
But how shall 1 best weave the web? How
is it to be done?
One may have it all in his head, as I have
the story stowed away in mine and still find
as much difficulty in getting it out in proper
shape as Mr. Pickwick encountered at the
hands of Mistress Bardell in his endeavors to
avoid matrimony.
Sir Walter Scott could revel with ease in
endless tales of medieval times, and Bulwer,
with wonderful fancy depict every variety of
English life and even tread the mystic boun.-.
daries of the supernatural world; Cooper
could pursue the tame fortunes of Leather-
stocking and the shadowy career of Paul
Jones; or Dickens, with his probe, delve
down beneath the upper crust of the body
politic with the delight of exuberant imagin
ations and swiftly flowing lines; for theirs
were the fancy pencillings of fiction,untram
melled by the harsh realities and forbidding
walls of sober fact.
Mine, therefore, is a more laborious task. 1
forsake the charming realms of romance and
light literature—strictly adhere to actual oc
currences and the “Truth of History,” and
take my stand with Rollin and Grote, Gib
bon and Macaulay.
Whether I have properly discharged my
duty I leave posterity to judge. That the
facts which I now Invoke the power of
Guttenberg’s invention to perpetuate, have
not been made a written record before, need
excite no surprise, nor, for a single moment,
permit a lingering doubt of their veracity.
But for Homer, who among us would have
known aught of the glorious deeds of Ulysses?
the prowess of Achilles, the misfortunes of
brave Hector, or the slow and solemn dignity
of Agamemnon, king of men?
The beauty of the peerless Helen would
never have been sung by many poets in
strange and barbarous tongues, had not the
immortal lyre first been struck by the nerv
ous fingers of the blind bard of Scio.
The world would have been ignorant of
how Queen Pnillippa, at the head of an army
of Englishmen, defeated the King of the
Scots or saved the lives of the burghers of
Calais, bad it not been blessed and enlight
ened by the veracious Chronicles of F roissart;
and even the memory of eternally hopeful
Colonel Sellers would have gone down the
stream of Time unhonored and unsung, had
it not been discovered—fished to the shore
like a floating waif or a runaway saw-log
by the truthful genius of Mark Twain.
How it is done when fancy linings fill the
picture, or pencillings from the ideal alone
trace the current of the tale, I yet cannot
tell, nor do 1 wish ever to be able to tell; for
my grandfather’s step-mother was a strict
member of the Presbyterian Church, and the
worthy teacher under whom 1 graduated
was as zealous an adherent to facts as were
Tom Gradgrind or J>>siah Bouuderby.
Therefore, it is a cardinal portion of my
creed that novels should not be read.
Hence, if, as a truthful and veracious his
torian of the varying fortunes of Muggins
& Gump; if, whilst I am unfolding a hither
to unknown chapter of the movements
among mankind, in which I am tied down to
a literal recitation of facts w ith not a glim
mer of anything but actual occurrences just
as they did occur: if, I re iterate, 1 become a
little dull; if at times the gentle rea”ei may
find me discursive, uninteresting or turbid,
he may read on with the perfect assurance
that there is a design under i. all.
CHAPTER II.
RUNNING OFF THE GREEN.
.Don’t make a fool of yourself.”
“No; you re doing that without any help.”
“Mebbe so, but I don’t want you to get up
THE WATERING-PLACE: BELLE.
on the court house and proclaim it to all the
world for I’ll swear I wasn’t there.”
“Oh! prove an alleybi, hey ?”
“Yes.”
The first speaker was lying prone on the
grass, in the square of the little town of Bol
ivar, hot and perspiring irom a recent run.
The moon was shining brightly, the weather
was warm, it was in the still hours of the
night and the silence was undisturbed save
by the distant shouts of laughter,
Lawyer Eoller, the first speaker, was a
somewhat dissipated old bachelor of forty or
over, whose forehead as revealed by his hat
having fallen off and rolled to some distance,
was expansive and indicated plenty of brains,
but he was near-sighted, with a decided
squint iu one eye and with toes that turned
inward like an Indian’s, hardly accounting
for the speed he had so recently made, dis
tancing all competitors but his companion
who was laughing and near choking himself
with delight.
Loller had slipped oat to pay a clandestine
visit to his inamorata and had been uncon
sciously lured into an ambuscade of “the
boys,” whose pistol shots ana showers of
rocks and combined shouts had started him;
and he ran the gauntlet and the green off
himself at the same time, with a celerity that
afforded them infinite amusement.
His companion was Muggins, a short, thick
set, square-built, red-headed young man,the
only one of the tormentors who had kept
pace with him. He had chased him to the
stile, over which they had both tumbled si
multaneously, and was rolling over the
ground endeavoring in vain to suppress his
boisterous cachinations.
“I say, Mug,’’resumed Loller,“do be quiet,
can’t you* You’ll bring all the other fellows
on us—you won’t teli this, will you?”
“Why,not? ha! ha! ha!”
“Why not? You fool you—I’ll give you
thunder to morrow anyhow.”
This sobered Muggins in a trice; he was the
single witness in an important criminal trial
and he knew an effort would be made to im
peach his testimony, and he had a wholesome
fear of Loller’s sharp practice and unscrupu
lous tongue.
“Now, Mug, if you won’t say nothing I’ll
be easy with you.”
“The other boys will telL”
“None of them can tell certainly who it
was but you.”
“I ain’t a goin’ to swear to nothin’ but the
truth anyway—you caa’t hurt me on that,
and Briefleigh will take care of me if you do
try it.”
“Pah! what good can that shallow goslin’
do anyone, and I can tell you another thing,
my fine fellow, the truth ain’t worth a cuss
in a lawsuit, it’s your truthful witness that
gets badgered and bothered. A man that
tells a lie and sticks to it always comes out
the best ’
“Hey?” said Muggins in amazement; “all
right then, I’ll be mum.” And with this
compact they shook hands and departed for
their virtuous couches.
CHARTER III.
THE EXAMINING COURT.
Gump was a weazen-faced little German
Jew, stooping in the shoulders, knock-kneed,
with short, black curly hair and a squeaking
voice that sounded like the small strings of a
cracked fiddle. Upon the warrant of ‘Square’
Summons he had been arrested for stealing
“one bay mare about sixteen hands high, the
properly of James Bagberry, farmer afor-
said, whose complaint and affidavi_tthereto
are herewith filed
“Muggins & Gump, Dealers in Furs. Jew
elry and Groceries,” was the legend on ’.their
sign, Gump being the senior partner, although
from euphonious reasons their names were
reversed for the public eye. They were the
leading merchants of the place,and held forth
in a iong, low, gloomy-looking store-room
situated on the north-east corner of the
square.
They were both popular men. The senior
member occupying some considerable social
position as a prosperous merchant and the
husband of an exiled Kansian magistrate’s
wife’s eldest charming sister.
His predilections, derived honestly no
doubt from his Hebrew forefathers, inclined
him principally to the purchase of peltry
and the exchange of it for pinch-beck jewel
ry, whilst the red-headed junior traversed
the country side trading for eatables, and
occasionally varying the monotony of his la
bor by assistirg his father on the farm in
Flipdoodle Hollow. i.
As a reminiscence of previous adven
tures in Kansas mutually encountered,
they had formed a friendship equal to that
of Jonathan and David and an intimacy
that seemed to rival that which history re
cords of Damon and Pythias. Unable to as
similate in business habits and education,
they had solved the difficulty by “lumping”
their capital and engaging in a traffic which
involved half tho entire scope of qommerce.
The approaching trial had excited the un
divided attention and interest of the commu
nity, among the gossips of which it was
whispered on the one hand that the traders,
by sharp practice had “done” Bagberry out
of bis horse, and on the other that the farmer
was endeavoring to black-mail the descend
ant of Abraham, who was known to have
plenty of money; Int it was generally admit
ed that Muggins would swear that Gump
bad bought and paid for the annimal, left
the store with Bagberry to receive it and had
shortly afterwards returned with the mate,
which was imm: d ately sold to a Texas
drover and was nowon th; plains, beyond
recovery; while it was understood that Bag-
berry would as posi ively swear to the con
trary, and that Gump entered his stable lot
in his absence, by the back way, and led the
1 ain’t a goin’ to swearaa>’ ,
repHed Bagberry looking as tf ha wished be
could put in an extra oath or two.
Mainspring was not present but another
man had just entered that the witness had
not noticed.
“Now sir,” resumed Briefleigh, “remember
Mr. Bagberry, that you are testifying in an
important matter and tell me if yon said
anything to that effect yesterday to John
Wilson?”
“Why no—n—” catching sight of the new
comer, “yee—yes—I bl’eeve 1 did," the wit
ness answered slowly and confusedly.
“You said it then?”
“Yes I did!” desperately enunciated.
“Well! what made you say then that you
could tell yeur mare’s tracks and say you
cannot ?”
Bagberry brighted up and was, with a
stupidly cunning leer, preparing to answer
when Loller roughly interpoeed:
“I object to this mode of examination,” be
said. “This fellow has laid the foundation
to contradict the witness and there he must
top.’
The word “fellow” caused Briefleigh to
flush to the very roots of his hair. He was
a waspish young Kentuckian and stood on
his breeding and gentility.
“I will not stop anything for such a crea
ture as you are.”
“Order, gentlemen, or the oomt will fine
you both for contempt.”
“Hang the court,” muttered Loller.
“Now Bagberry, I will ask you again,”
from Briefleigh after quiet had been restored
and his ruffled feathers slightly smoothed.
“Why did yon tell one story to John Wilson
yesterday and another here!”
The canning leer accompanied the answer.
“W’y because I was just talking then and
I’m under oath now and have to swear to it.”
“What yon say now is the truth is it?”
“Yes, it is.”
“And what yon told Wilson was a lie?”
“Well, y-e-e-s, I Vpose so. ”
“Then, sir,” added Briefleigh, eagerly.
“You swear to it here as a truth do you not,
that you are a liar?”
The last word was jerked ont with a fear
ful emphasis.
“Don’t answer that question I” yelled Loller
in unwonted excitement; like most lawyers
haviDg waited until all the damage possible
had been done his side, and then unreason
ably losing his temper because he had.
“He shall answer it,” stud Breifleigh.” “Its
a legal question that I have a right to ask,
as I can prove from the first volume of
“Greenleaf on Evidence” on page”—
“Bosh!” Loller injected into the quotation
squinting furiously and exhibiting every
sign of disgust as he added, “what the devu
do you know about legal questions?”
Briefleigh stopped short with his forefinger
resting on the law book, and turned to the
other with a withering frown and a sharp,
snappish voice.
“I reckon I know as much as you do.”
“If I thought so,” Loller replied, “I’d kill
myself for a fool after shooting my father
for his share in bringing such an idiot into
the world, yon don’t know anything.”
“You are a fool yourself” returned Brief
leigh closing his book with a bang, “and
every bit as big a liar as your witness.
The angry lawyers prepared for hostilities.
Loller grasping a chair and the other should
ering his first volume of Greenleaf.”
“I command the peace—Court’s adjourn
ed !” shrieked Skinflint in a breath at the top
ot his voice and dodged under the table while
Summons, more active, jumped over it and
rushed out of the bouse. Loller drew back
his chair and was about to hurl it at his an
tagonist,with all the force of a trained Ath
lete: when Muggins caught it. In his vain
attempt to wrench it loose Loller had bend
ed his head considerably forward, when
Greenleafs treatise on the law of evidence,
impelled with nervous power from Brief-
leigb’s hand, struck him on the bald spot and
sat him back in the corner of the room with
a tremendous concussion, so irresistible in
its impetus as to carry Muggins with him.
Whose short nose struck the roughly plaster
ed brick wall and scraped it down to the
floor, bringing forth the claret in copious
streams.