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THE SUNNY SOUTH.
CBEAK-A-BUMP
Sallie’s Shoes.
Ah Old VlrKiHia^gtory.
BV MAGGIE ORB.
In an old Virginia village there was an
aged shoemaker who went from house to
house to make shoes remaining in the places
he visited until his work was finished.
He was a quaint, white-beaded old man,
gentle and simple. His name was Tnoroas
Allman. The children called him “Uncle
Tommy,”
Mr. Jordan, a farmer near by, had en
gaged UDcle Tommy to make winter shoes
for his family. They were to be finished so
as to be worn on Christmas.
A new pair of shoes was no ordinary affair
to these country bred children, so you may
imagine the interest and excitement.
They would gather around him; sometimes
not noticing them, he would sit humming
and crooning some quaint old song like this:
“Don’t you see that turtle-dove,
Sitting on yonder pine,
Lamenting the loss ol his true love,
As I do oi mine ?’’
Sometimes, however, he would tell them
queer, forgotten stories that had grown old
with him.
The children were most anxious, as are
other children, for their shoes to creak and
cry a.- t *Y walked.
Odo day Uncle Tommy told them that they
need to split a goose quill and lay it between
the soles to make shoes cry when he was
young— alas! so long ago,
•Til give you six eggs if you will put them
in mine,” said one.
“And 1,” “Me too,” shouted the rest in
chorus.
So Uncle Tommy agreed to put them in for
six eggs each. The eggs roasted in the hot
ashes made a delicious iunch for the old
m: n
Accordingly there was an excited search
for eggs. Bailie, the youngest, had found
but three when the others had delivered
theirs.
Poor little Salliel She was young and eggs
were scarce and she could find but the three,
Finally as a last resource she took three
eggs from the barnyard that had been there
a year, together with the good ones and car
ried them to Uncle Tommy. He observed her
frightened air, and soon found the cause of
it
The guilty little creature kept out of his
way, never ceme with the others to bear his
old stories and odd songs. Uncle Tommy no
ticed all, but said nothing.
At last the merry Christmas time came.
Undle Tommy was there; the children were
all nutting on their new shoes and such a
creaking I Sallie was in great nervous excite'
ment to get hers on. She tugged till she got
on one; she tried it and oh, it creaked beau
tifully ! She tried the other, but there was
no creak in it.
She walked across the floor cre-e e-ak-a-
bump, cre-e-e-ak a bump. Uncle Tommy
smiled and the family shouted in laughter;
tears came into Sallie’s eyes,
Uncle Tommy had a keen sense of justice,
Sallie was utterly miserable. The wretch
ed creak-a bump was a constant rt minder of
her sin. It would have been better to have
no “cry” at all.
It is; this way in life with us all. There is
alwayk something to remind us of our sins.
A man may gam money under false pre
tenses. He may make a “creak” in society,
but the reproaching words of his conscience
constitute the “bump.”
It would be pleasanter for us if some of our
deedB received no notice at all rather than
the just condensation they deserve.
a pluckv rnnci ss.
How she Ret even with those
who “Solti” her in MarrlaRe.
The most extraordinary sensation has been
produced in the high circles of Rome. About
three years ago, says theuondon Court Jour
nal, the old Prince M was married to the
very juvenile daughter of the noble house of
V . The prince was enormously wealthy
but old, decrepit and somewhat deformed.
The young girl, in all her youth and beauty,
was taken from the convent in which she had
been brought up, and under the guidance of
her needy and ambitious family, and the op
pressive coercion exercised by her mother,
was married to the venerable prince with
great pomp and ceremony, and “all Rome ”
worth mentioning failed not to congratulate
the mother and felicitate the needy brothers
on the good lock which hud befallen them
all. No sooner was the marriage concluded
than the aged bridegroom carried his youth
ful bride away to his castle in the country,
leaving, however, his magnificent palezzo at
Rome entirely at the disposal of his mother-
in-law, and the feasting and reveling going
on soon rendered the Palazzo M the mo6t
popular rendezvous in the city. The mother,
bedecked in the family diamonds left by the
young princess for her use, riding about in
the prince’s carriage, and entertaining all her
friends in his palace, was for three years the
happiest woman in the world. Meanwhile
the lair young ylctim. resigned to her fate
and resolved to do her duty by her husband,
remained alone with him in the old castle at
tending to his comfort and affording every
solace to his infirmities. At lerigth the old
man died, and his body was brought in great
state to Rome. The young widow was sum
moned to the city, and the family convoked
for the reading of the will. The astonishment
and delight of the ambitious mother and the
needy brothers may be conceived when it was
announced that the whole of the prince’s for
tune—bis money, jewels and estates—were
left unconditionally to the widow, with the
touching request, “that she would seek ano
ther matrimonial alliance more satisfactory
than the one with him had been, and recom
mending her not to wait until she found a
man worthy of her love, for such a man she
would never find in the world.” The scene
which followed has never had a parallel in
history. The young widow rose, and in her
mourning robes, and pale, calm, determined
countenance, “looked,” says the correspon
dent, “ like the avenging angel.’ She stretch
ed forth her arm with imposing gesture, and
in a stern voice exclaimed, “ If all this be
really mine, as yon declare, then the first use
I make of my wealth and freedom will be to
chase forever from my presence those who
sold me into the slavery by which these ad
vantages have been procured. Let the palace
be cleared immediately of every member of
my familjr. and all other strangers. The
building will be shut up at onoe, as I am
about to travel.” With these words she dis
appeared through a side door, and the sound
of carriage-wheels in the court-yard an
nounced that she had left the palace. In vain
have friends and relatives sought to interfere,
in vain the highest authorities endeavored to
soften her decision. The princess remains
obdurate and refuses all conciliation. The
ambitions mother has retired to a convent for
awhile to repent of her sins, and the needy
brothers are driven into exile to escape the
ridicule of their position.
The Heathen •Chinee's mode of Dealing with Dishonest Officials and Bank Defaulters.
A TRAILER'S PERILS.
A Talk with Winner, the Rreat
Animal Trainer.
Proof Everywhere.
If any invalid or sick person has the least
doubt of Hie power and efficacy of Hop Bit
ters to cure them, they can find cases exactly
like their own, in their own neighborhood,
with proof positive that they can be easily
and permanently cored at a trifling cost—or
ask your di nggist or physician.
Greenwich Fib. ii, 1881.
Hop Bitters Co : Sirs—I was given np by
the doctors to die of" scrofular consumption.
Two bottles of your Bitters cured me.
Lx rot Brewer.
A Parisian journal estimates the total
number of recognized medical men through
out the civilized world at iS9,ooo, of whom
it assigns 65,000 to the United States. 35,000
to Great Britain and her colonies, 36,000 to
France, 32,000 to Germany and Austria, 10,
< co to Italy, and 5, 000 to Spain.
Scars from the teeth and claws of tigers,
lions and hyenas mark the face, bead and
hands of William H. Winner, the trainer of
wild beasts, who is now in Bamum’s employ.
For sixteen years Winner has lived night and
day with the wild beasts he has been training,
and the familiarity with danger, which led
him at times to be careless in the presence of
the beasts, has resulted in the marks that he
will bear to his grave. In 1866, while be
stood talking to a friend, too near a lion’s
cage in this city, the lion reached his paw
through the bars and brought it down with
terrible force upon his bead. The animal’s
claws tore up the flesh and left a deep scar
upon his forehead. Some years ago in St.
Louis, Winner leaned his head against the
bars of a cage containing hyenas, and while
he stood explaining the habits of these ani
mals to some visitors, one hyena snapped off
his little finger and devoured it.
“It is easier to tame a lion than a tiger,”
says Mr. Winner. ‘‘They respond better to
kindness. There is no animal equal to the
tiger. It is the genuine king among beasts,
for it is not only more ferocious I han the li
on, but comparitively stronger. Of four li
ons that Barnum has in the cage with his
show, two were born in captivity. Sydney,
the one who escaped some years ago, is nam
ed after his birth place, Sydney, Australia.
The lioness, which has two whelps now, is
considered most valuable' property, as she is
one of the few lionesses which raise their
young in captivity.”
“But many whelps are born in this coun
try?”
“True enough; but they starve to death, as
their mothers refuse to suckle them.”
“Is there any difference in ferocity between
males and females among wild beasts'”
“In all animals of the cat species the fe
males are more vicious and dangerous than
the. males.”
“Have you trained any animals lately?”
“Yes, there’s Beecher, the Pponah bear, a
very funny animal, unlike any other bear I
ever saw. It stands on its hind legs and ges
ticulates like a speaker. It has a number of
amusing tricks, but it was easily taught.”
“How is the baby elephant?”
“It weighed 960 pounds last June, and I
guess it weighs over a thousand now. It
weighed 213 1-2 pounds upon its birth in
Philadelphia on March io, 1880, and when it
was three months old it weighed 235 pounds.
We are now watching to see how long before
its mother weans it. We expect that it will
be between two and three years, if it is not
taken from her.”
“What food does it eat?”
“It has never yet been fed, but Hebe, its
mother—by the way, one of the best trick
elephants in the world—is teaching it to eat.
The mother picks out the hay for the babv,
which minces at it. But what do you think
is the baby’s favorite drink? Being a native
American, you think it is a gin cocktail, but
it is not. ’
“What then?”
“Why, circus lemonade! It will suck lem
onade all day up in its trunk.”
Mr. H. H. Copeland is the keeper of Bar-
num’s twenty elephants. He says that while
most animals respond to kindness the ele
phant is controlled by fear, and he thinks
there is no such thing as affection for its
keeper with an elephant. Sometimes, after
patient training, when they seem to have
been mastered so that they understand every
command and obey it like a man, they be
come all at once sulky and obstinate. In one
of these fits it takes terrible punishment to
master them. It is necessary to chain their
feet, join the chains to a rope, run the rope
through a block and tackle, hitch another
elephant to the end and throw the refrac
tory beast. When they are thrown they
have to be punished with prods until they
yield. Chief is the ugliest elephant Barnum
has got. At East Saginaw two years ago
Chief broke out of the line of the street par
ade and started after a countryman who was
passing in a two-horse wagon. The elephant
bellowed and lifted his trunk and steadily
chased the man for thiee miles. He caught
up with the wagon, which he overturned into
a ditch, and was about to do further mis
chief when he was captnred. Chief rebels
every time he has to go into a car, and he
has to be prodded with a steel point before
he moves. Albert is another elephant that
has the sulks. When his keepers came about
him he seized one with his trunk
and came very near drownmg him.
Juno, one of the best-trained of the
elephants, after a recent performance in the
ring, to take revenge upon Prof. Arstingall,
one of the ring-masters squirted a pailful of
dirty water over his spotlees linen from her
trunk. To punish her a steel prod was run
into her hind leg until she roared with pain.
R. H. DockriU,the horse-trainer, who is the
husband of Mme. Elise Dockrill, the bare-
back rider, relates that a few years ago, when
he was with a circus near Basle, in Switzer
land, one of che elephants became mad, and,
breaking away, began to tear up everything
within its teach. No one dared capture it,
and its mad career was stopped only when a
cannon was loaded with grapeshot and fired
into itB body,
A curious noise was heard in the cage oc
cupied by the seven anacondas and the two
boa-constrictors in Barnum’s menagerie
early one morning recently, and the keepers
who were aroused witnessed a magnificent
fight The anacondas had joined forces
against the two boas, bnt the latter oor quer-
ed. When the smallest of the anacondas was
killed the largest boa. covered it with slime
and swallowed it bodily. The other snake
was severed and divided between the boas.
The nine snakes were fed the day before on
fourteen live chickens, and the boas, which
had not been fed for two months, had their
appetite whetted to voracity. When the
snake-charmer entered, the boas attempted
to coil about him, bnt he kept them from en
circling his throat and separated them from
the anacondas.—New York Sun.
Living in an Omnibus
A TRUE STORY,
The French ladies do not appear to adopt
that frizzled style of coiffure wnich has been
irreverently named a la Zulu, or a la bird’s
nest. They cut small straight pieces of turn
down their foreheads, and then cnrl the ends
after the manner of a pig’s tail. It looks
cleaner, at all events.
“Chips,ma’am? Only five cents a basket,”
said a little voice, as 1 stood at my gate one
morning, deciding which way 1 should
walk.
Locking around I saw a small, yellow-
haired, blue-eyed boy, smiling at me with
such a cheerful,confiding face that I took the
chips at once and ordered some more.
“Where do you live?” I asked, as we wait
ed for Katy, the girl, to empty the basket.
“In the old ’bus, ma’am.”
“The what?” I exclaimed.
“The old omnibus down on the Flats,
ma’am. It’s cheap, and jolly, now we are
u ed to it.” said the boy.
*,How came you to live there?” I asked,
laughing at the odd idea.
“We are Germans; and when father died
we were very poor. We came to the city in
in the spring, but couldn’t get any place
there were so many of us, and we had so lit
tle money. We stopped one night in the old
’bus that was left to tumble to pieces down
on the Fiats behind the great stables. The
man who owned it laughed when my moth
er asked if we might stay there, and said we
might fora while: so we’ve been there ever
since, and like it lots.”
While the boy spoke I took a fancy that
I’d like to see this queer home of his. The
Flats were not far off, and I decided to go
that way and perhaps help the poor woman,
if she seemed honest. As Katy handed back
the basket, I said to the lad:
“Will you show me this funny house of
yours and tell me your name®”
“Oh, yes, ma’am; I’m just going home,and
my name is Fri z,”
I saw him look wistfully at a tray of nice
little cakes which Katy hai put to cool in
the window-seat, and I gave him one; saying
as he put it in his pocket very carefully:
“Six besides the mother.”
I just emptied the tray into the basket,and
we went away together. We soon came to
the Fiats behind the stables,and there 1 saw a
queer sight. A great shabby omnibus of the
old-fashioned sort, with a long body, high
steps, and flat roof, with the long grass grow
ing about its wheels, and smoke coming out
of a stove-pipe poked through the roof A
pig dozed underneath it; dneks waddled and
swam in a pool near by; childien of all sizes
swarmed up and down the steps; and a wo
man was washing in the shadow of the great
omnibus.
‘ That’s mother,” sa’d Fritz, and then left
me to introduce myself, while he passed the
cake-basket to the little folks,
A stout, cheery, tidy body was Mrs. Hum
mel, and very ready to tell her story and
show her house.
“Hans, the oldest, works in the stables,
ma’am, and Gretchen and Fritz sell a many
chips; little Karl and Lottie beg the cold vic
tuals, and baby Franz minds tba ducks while
I wash; and so we get on well, thanks be to
G tt,” said the good woman, watching her
fl >ek with a contented smile.
She took me into the omnibus, where ev
erything was as neat and closely stowod as
on board a ship. The stove stood at the end,
and on it was cooking a savoury -smelling
soap, made from the sera;. 8 the children had
begged. They slept and sat on the long
seats, and ate on a wide board laid across.
Clo'hes were hung to the roof in bundles, or
stowei under the seats. The dishes were on
a shelf or tied over the stove; and the small
stock of food they had was kept in a closet
made in the driver’s seat, which was boarded
over outside and a door cut f om the inside.
Some of the boys 3lept on the roof iD fine
weather; they were hardy lads; and a big
dog guarded the pig and ducks as well as the
children. Louise M. Alcott.
n l 1: v e o .vr iis
Since She Rave up the Use of B.
R, Woolley’s Opium Antidote—
Another Lady Cured.
Thomaston, Ga., August 1, 1881.
Mr. B. M. Woolley, Atlanta, Ga.:—Dear
S r: Yours received. You wish to know if I
have returned to Opium. No I nol indeed.
Your medicine has done all I could ask for,
and all you recommend, and I know I am
now entirely cured. 1 began the use of your
Antidote, Februaryfi, 188-,and from the first
dose felt no need of opium. It is now eleven
months since I left off the use of your Anti
dote. 1 know if it had not been for your
Antidote I would have been dead by this
time. I do not now use any opiate, nor
would I return to the habit for anything.
You do not know how grateful I am for your
interest in my case. I hope your remedy
may reach every one affleted with the Opi
um disease, and release them from that curse.
Your friend,
Lavinia Harnesbekger.
The Mother’s Place In the Great
Reform.
There is one abiding consolation growing
out of the present phase of the temperance
reform; and that is, that wich the women of
the land tallying for the cause, the next gen
eration mnst inevitably be more sober than
those which have preceded it
The writer of this can conceive of no worse
horror on this earth than of the shrinking and
heart-broken wife, waiting with her little
ones in trembling horror after night-fall, the
mad shout and drunken entrance of one,
crazed perhaps to blows and murder—or at
tempted murder—no one near to protect them
from the assault.
Some writer fays that “If there could be one
generation of English mothers to take the
¥ lace of the Turkish, there would be no more
nrks,” so great is the power that woman
exerts in the training and education of her
children.
Acting upon this hint, let every woman in
the land who sees the curse that drunkenness
brings home to families,so train those entrust
ed to her that they shall not only be free
from the curse of the vice of intemperance
themselves, but that for all time a widening
influence shall be exerted, such as shall at
length save the nation, and ultimately, the
world from the woes of intemperance.—The
Signal.
Why is a heartless kiss like a stage on a
cold day? Because it’s a ’bus with no warmth
in it.
COURTING Ol CUBA.
Its Difficulties — The Sweets
_ and Bitters ol EngagementsS
—Exacting; Fiancees and
Jealous Wives.
One pities the Cuban young man who is in
love. He cannot see her alone, and cannot
come regularly to the house until a fair un
derstanding cf his intentions is arrived at.
And when at last he has attained the felicity
of being daily expected, he must do all his
courting in the presence of the family and
utter his sweetnesses across the critical ear cf
his future mother-in-law. Until they have
been to church, they two are never left
alone. The whole family take sly turns in
watching them. There is a regular detail
made, I think, from the older servants of the
house, to keep an eye upon them.
But there is human nature everywhere,
even in Cuba, and the two are always getting
off to a window-seat or in a distant pair of
chairs, though, with equal certainty, some
body sidles off in that direction and mounts
guard. The smitten pair do not walk togeth
er in the evening. He does not accompany
her io the theatre or to mass. They enjoy all
the bliss they can under great difficulty, and
with all mankind looking on.
The indirect result of all this espionage, of
course nobody in ‘.his land of custom has ever
observed. There are a great many small in
trigues and innocent endeavors to circumvent
the detectives. There are eloquent glances,
signals, fan-talk and the sly interchange of
notes. Then the iron-guarded window, in
stead of being a protection, becomes a great
convenience. It is more than the front gate
is with iis. She knows when he will pass by
and stands inside with a fair hand clasping
the bars of her cage and waits for him. They
stand there with the iron between them and
talk. Every day it is so, and if mamma
wishes to stop it she must come and stand in
the window also.
There are other respects in which the
young man has a.hard time. He must come
every day. He must, and she holds him to
the strict letter of tins law. He is bound to
show, by every means in his power, that he
holds all other women In contempt and de
testation. He must not dance with aDy other
and had better not be caught holding on to
any other window bars in any other street.
He tells all bis friends about it, and she all
hers,and th9 matter is diligently discussed. If
he should fail to come around regularly every
day he has to tell a satisfactory story. I
have known her to send her brother after
him. He takes his revenge after marriage.
after the knot is tied.
When the Cuban lady becomes a wife and
mother, then all her traits develop. She is
domestic, faithful, patient and her lord’s ab
solute property to an extent unknown among
northern people. She thinks she ought to
obey him, and he agrees with unanimity.
Sne does not seem to know that she is op
pressed, and has never made an effort toward
emancipation. She does not know anything
about co-operative kitchens, or the Sorosis,
or her inalienable right to serve on commit-
ties, edit newspapers and lecture. There nev
er was a woman’s rights’ convention in this
happy land, or a Dorcas society, or even a
crusade.
But she has a trait that enables her to make
herself very uncomfortable at times: she is
insanely jealous. When she suspects nothing
and nobody, she still keeps a wary eye for a
possible slip. She wishes her husband to
come and sic by her and follow her about,
and mutely beg her to smile upon him.
When he goes out, she wishes to know where
he is going and when he will return. When
he returns, she asks him where he has been.
Sne does not like him to dance with other
women, and would blindfold him if she could
to keep him from looking at them.
She is often a woman at twelve, and the
mother of a large family at nineteen or twen
ty. So pretty in her youth, in age she be
comes either lean and dried or fat and un
wieldly. She fades early, and for want of
strength of character, is apt to lose control of
her hush’ nd, who nevertheless still continues
to need uch control as badly as any man of
his times. But whatever she may grow to
seem,, Ler eyes never fade. To the last,
through all vicissitudes, they are big and
black.
The "Spanish race is in fact, remarkable for
the beauty of that feature. Even' the males
possess eyes that often, though not always,
set them apart as handsome men.
Organs and Pianos.
A great opportunity is now afforded our
readers to buy Pianos and Organs at extreme
ly low prices. Attention is called to the
large advertisement of the Hon. Daniel F.
Beatty, Mayor of Washington, New Jersey,
which appears in this issue. An Organ or
Piano is the most suitable Holiday Present,
and we advise those who wish an instrument
to order from Mr. Beatty. Read his adver
tisement carefully.
The Greek government is about to build
two “magnificent mosques,” one at Corfn,
and another at Athens, for the benefit of Mos
lem residents or visitors. This indicates the
existence of a very liberal spirit, and a senti
ment that goes far beyond toleration.
Gray hair may be made to take on its
youthful color and beauty by the use of Hall’s
Vegetable Sicilian.Hair Renewer, the best
preparation for the hair known to the science
of medicine and chemistry.
TO CO 8RESP0NDEHTS.
G. E. F., Rockhill, wishes to know where
he can buy a humorous book entitled “Sut
Lovingood.” Phillips and Crew, Atlanta,
will send you the book if you will enclose
pest office order for it. We do Dot know the
price but imagine it is put up in cheap
pamphlet form. Drop Messrs. Phillips and
Crew a card of inquiry.
“Ignoramus” wishes to know what Is the
proper reply to such a note as the following:
“Mr. B presents compliments to Miss C. and
requests the pleasure of calling upon her this
eve.” R^ply in the third person since the
note is written in that person—thus: “Miss
C. will be pleased to have Mr. B. call this
evening or Miss C. regrets that indisposition,
previous engagement, etc., will prevent her
seeing Mr. B this evening.” I would not
care about inserting the stereotyped “com
pliments," and I would not write “eve,” for
evening. It looks affected and lackadaisical.
J. C. M. asks the oft-repeated query: “What
finger must the engagement ring be worn
upon, and what is a proper motto for such a
ring 1” The engagement ring is worn either
upon the first or the third finger of the left
hand. A new style, inexpensive betrothal
1 ing that we saw lately, was of plain gold,
“square cut,” and with a fiat-shaped heart at
tached as a bangle,"on which were engraved
the letters “A. E. I.,” which, in Greek, sig
nify “Forever and for aye.” Bangle rings and
bracelets are the latest rave. The St. Louis
exbihit of fine jewelry at the Exposition sells
a very pretty gold ring with variously shaped
bangle very cheap, bv way of an advertise-
u eat of their firm.
Harcelle asks: “Some time ago I saw
this poetic extract in ajstory of ‘True Love:’
“ For if I did not love you, it might be
That I should grudge yousomeone dear delight.’
Can you tell me » here the lines came from ?
There must be some piece of exquisite art
work of which this is a loosened jewel.” You
are right, Marcelle. The couplet is from an
exquisite sonnet by Christini Rossetti. This
is the sonnet entire. 1 am too glad of an ex
cuse to publish it. It has the sweetness of the
early sonnetiers with the tone of sincerity
that belongs to a later period and culminated
in Miss Browning:
“ If there be any one can take my plice
And make you happy whom I grieve io grieve,
Think not that I can grudge it, but believe
I do commend 5 ou to that nobler grace.
That readier wit than mine, that sweeter face ;
Yea, since your riches make me rich conceive,
I too am crowned, while bridal crow ns I weave,
And thread the bridal dance with jocund pace.
For if I did not love you, it might be
That I should grudge you some one dear delight;
But since the heart is yours that was mine own,
Your pleasure is my pleasure, right my right,
Your honorable freedom makes me free.
And you companioned I am not alone.
R. T. O. says: “Yesterday while attending
the very interesting Exposition in your city,
I ovei heard a distinguished-looking gentle
man say in a foreign accent to his companion:
• No, Garfield’s assassination was not such a
national outrage as the killing of the Czar.’
and the other gentleman answered: ‘I believe
you are right. It was an act of baser ingrat
itude to assassinate Alexander.’ This asser
tion surprised me. I differed greatly with
the gentleman. Garfield was a far nobler
man than Alexander II.” That he may have
been, but all that he might have done for his
country as a ruler was forestalled by his
death; but the Czar had already accom
plished a great work for his empire and for
civilization by freeing forty millions of serfs
and granting them land on which to make
homes and farms for themselves. He stopped
the cruel scourging by which the owners of
these white slaves punished the smallest
offense. Rossetti finely wrote of the Czar’s
assassination:
“ He stayed the knout’s red-ravening fangs; and
first
Of Russian traitors his own murderer’s go
White to the tomb. While he laid foully low
With limbs red-rent with festering brain which
erst
Willed kingly freedom—‘gainst the deed accurst
To God bears witness of his people’s woe;”
“Elkford” asks: “What is the process of
embalming ? Was it the embalming that gave
President Garfield’s corpse the dark, unnat
ural color?” The mode of successful embalm
ing is a secret with Italian anatomists. They
profess to understand the Egyptian method
They do not remove the intestines, but inject
some very powerful fluid into the aorta.
This process preserves the features unaltered
and restores the fresb, unwrinkled skin of
youth. The body, as we have lately seen in
the London Lancet, assumes a pure white
color and hardness of marble and is then
practically indestructible. - The Itallians go
farther, so the same authority tells us. and
when desired can produce in a dead body a
species of petrifaction. It becomes so hard
tbat it can be submitted to the sculptor’s
chisel. In such cases it can be be kept as one
would a marble statue or other work of hu
man art. Clearly then President Gai field
could not have been embalmed by the Italian
process, for his face was shrivelled and dis
colored when it was exposed—a ghastly spec
tacle—in the hall of the Capitol, Moreover
the viscera had been removed and the ltal
ans embalm without evisceration. Probably
it was the fluids injected which imparted the
unsightly discoloration. One element of this
embalming fluid is known to be a salt of zinc
or arsenic.
Delia says! “I am a bride of two weeks
anxious to start right at first in my new life.
What is the first duty of a married woman?
Can you tell me? As you are a woman and
a wife I thought I might properly ask you.’
We should say that the golden key to a hap
py married life was forbearance; then comes
sympathy. We put your question to a smil-
ing matron who chanced to be present when
we began to write. She had been so fortunate
as to make a happy home and to form a good
husband out of very unpromising material.
She laughed and said, “Tell your correspond
ent that the secret of matrimonial happiness
is to get yonr hvsbaud under your thumb ac
the out-set. Oil! don’t look shocked,” she
added, “I don’t mean in any strong-minded
or strong-handed sense. There are nice, in
genious, subtle ways by which a woman can
get a man under her control without his sus-
1 >ecting it. Then he will always consult her
i ee.ings and her wishes; but if she goes to
spoiling him at first, she will ruin her chances.
Man is naturally a selfish animal, and his he
reditary instinct as well as his teachings in
cline him to domineer. If his wife encour
ages this trait by too much self-devotion and
too much petting and worshipping, she will
make a tyrant out of her husband after
awhile. The process is slow, but it is accele
rated after the horn y-moon wanes. The best
men can’t stand spoiling.” This was the dic
ta of my rosy matron friend, whose husband
is a happy, jolly looking fellow, not seeming
a bit hen-peeked, and thinking that his wife
is the greatest woman under the sun.
Harry H. says: “A friend of mine has
ust married and I think his wife is the home-
iest woman I ever saw, but he really says
she is handsome and I tear has fallen out
with me for good, and all because I told him
I thought her plain—which was putting it
mildly. Now do you think he really believes
she is good looking? There are surely cer
tain fixed principles of beauty and a man
with good eye sight can tell when these are
violated,” But you must remember Harry
that when a man loves a woman, he sees her
in a manner transfigured by the light of that
love.' Sometimes her physical deft cts become
positive beauties because of some association
or subtle fancy which clothes her in a rose
colored atmosphere. Then the principles of
beauty are by no means “fixed.” One ad
mires what another thinks hideous. Dr.
Johnson went to his grave beiieveing that
his ugly wife was a beauty. “The pretty
He Mjd of her as Frederick Locker sings of
of hers
w l fh giday ,au & h ’ 8 her crowning charm,
TteSfnS° untl Tsideor town,
„?^ treete make ftsta, and the fields rejoice
S Or de»ih°.*< come, as't win, t0 cast me down,
1 ^{h, as come he must, to hush my voice
He me^- gh woui<i wake me » i ust M now it thrills
That little giddy laugh wherewith she kills me ‘
“Yes,” whispered the boy to Mr. Barnum
‘ I’m ready to pay for my ticket, but I wanr
the privilege of going in by crawling nnde-
the tent.” And Mr. Barnum agreed; and or
dered the guards not to interfere with the
lad; and after the boy had performed the
feat, Mr. Barnum went inside and asked his
reasons for it, and the lad had explained
that he had got over seven dollars bet with
the boys who had tried the crawl and failed,
that he would succeed in it.
creature!” he ejaculated, gazing admiringly
at the woman who violated all your “princi
pies of beauty,” Harry. A man is often at
tracted to a woman by something so small
or so subtle that he could hardly explain
what it was—some “trick of the eyelid, or
turn of the lip” or way of walking or smiling
—something that wrought the charm by
which she stood transfigured thereafter.
Onoe i heard a man declare that he fell in
love with his wife solely because of her
charming laugh. He heard it at Montvale
Springs from a clump of trees where she
stood unseen by him among a group of g‘r «T
HUMOR AND ANECDOTE.
Most of the gush on tombstones about the
dear departed,” might be characterised as
epi-taffy.
A crank on a grindstone is a good thing,
but one on a pair of male shoulders is quite
different.
A philosopher, who went to a church where
the people came in late, said it is “the fash
ion there for nobody to go till everybody has
got there.”
A little girl, noticing the glittering gold-
filling in her aunt’s front teeth, exclaimed:
“Auut Mary, I wish I had copper-toed teeth
like yours.”
Said the lecturer: “The roads over these
mountains are too steep and rocky for even
a donkey to climb; therefore I did not at
tempt the ascent.”
In Pennsylvania they mix lard, butter and
mashed potatoes together and sell it for
“Golden Tint” butter. That’s one of the new
fall tints, probably.
A Jersey City husband who remained out
until midnight and forgot the story he had
cooked up to tell his wife, fainted away in
the hall as she met him.
“Getting married has its hazards and per
ils,” says (he Chicago Inter Ocean. Yes; a
fellow can’t be dead sure how long the old
man will support him.
“I never argy agin a success,” said Arte-
mus Ward. “When 1 see a rattlesnaix’s hed
sticking out ov a hole, I bear off to the left
and say to myself, ‘That hole belongs to that
sn :ix.’ ”
Out West when a [tribe of Indians wipes
out a whole village word is telegraphed that
they are making threatening demonstrations,
aid a squad of soldiers is started on a 500-
mile tramp to see about it.
Schoolmistress (just beginning a nice im
proving lesson upon minerals to the juniors):
“Now, what are the principal things we get
out of the earth?” Youthful angler, aged
four (confidently): “Worms.”
The Rev. Oscar Clute of Iowa City has
153 hives of bees. When he wants to admin
ister a stinging rebuke to his sleeping congre
gations he just chucks a hive into the broad
aisle and ducks uuder the pulpit.
A little fellow, on going for the first time
to church where the pews were very high,
was asked on coming out what he did in the
church, when he replied: “I went into a
cupboard and took a seat on a shelf,”
A soldier with a huge pair of understand
ings called upon a boot black the other day
to shine up his boots. The Urchin contem
plated the size of the job for a moment, and
then called out to comrade, “1 say, Bill,
lend us a spit, won’t yer? I’ve got an army
contract.”
Can man reach and pass the age of 100
year.-? is the question that is agitating, physi
ologists. It has been done, but we venture
to predict that the man who has the presiden
tial fever or is a Nihilist or “sasses” his
mother-in-law will never even approximate
that age.
A little girl once took a letter from her
mother to au old lady friend. “Many thanks,
my child,” she said, “you may tell your
mother that you are a faithful little messen
ger.” “Thank you, ma’am; and I shall tell
her, too, that 1 didn’t ask you for ten cents,
because mamma told me not to.”
“I haye long wished for this opportunity,
but hardly dare speak now for fear you will
reject me. But 1 love you; say you will be
nune! Your smiles would shed—” and then
became to a pause; “your smiles would
sued—” and then hd paused again. “Never
mind the wood shed,” said Amelia, “go on
with the pretty talk.”
Scientists have discovered that there is
such a thing as a coal-bug, that does much
damage to a coal supply by eating it. Peo
ple who board and buy their own coal have
heard of coal bugs before. They are usually
two-legged, and fetch up a hod filled with
coal taken from the bin of their dearest
friend on the next floor.
“Why is a lady unlike a mirror?” asked a
cynic of a lady. She “gave it up.” “Be
cause,” said the rude fellow, “a mirror re
flects without speaking; a lady speaks with
out reflecting. ’ “Very good,” said she.
“Now answer me. Why is a man unlike a
mirror i” “I cannot tell you.” “Because the
mirror is polished, and the man is not.”
Little Phil, a bright 5-year-old, is afraid of
thunder. During a hot spell his mother would
remark: “Oa. 1 pray for rain.” One day
wben she said it Pbil thus addressed her:
“Oh, mamma, I will tell you why it don’t
rain. When I say my prayers 1 des say,
‘Please don’t pay any ’tention to what mam-
ma says, ’cos I’m afraid of thunder.’ ’’
She Knew It.
As the Pacific express train coming east on
the Central Road reached Ann Arbor the
other day, there were many to get off and on,
and there was the usual hurry and confusion.
Among those getting aboard was a little old
woman about 60 years old, who secured th6
assistance of the brakeman and drew herself
up the step of the smoking car.
“This way, madam—this way,” called the-
official as she laid her hand on the door of the
smoking car; but as she paid no attention to
him he continued:
“Hold on, madam; that’s the smoking car.”
“Wall, don’t you ’spose I’ve traveled e-
nough to know that?” she queried, as she
whirled around. “I guess 1 know where to
go when I want to smoke!”
And she entered and sat down, filled her
old clay pipe, borrowed a light, and was soon
puffing away m the greatest contentment.
An excellent lesson was given to a lady
well-known in society as a professional
beauty and flirt. Her favorite amusement was
to flirt with young married men in a man
ner just sufficient to make their wives uncom
fortable without compromising herself in the
eyee of the world. At a party she had tried
tbe whole power of her fascinations upon a
gentleman who had not been many months
married, and had monopolized his society
nearly the whole evening. As the night
waned, and he seemed to be yielding to her
fascinations, she became more and more sen
timental, and even tender.
“Ah! CoL E.,” she said, “what a passion
love is 1 How few men there are who can
truly feel and realize the whole force of a
woman’s love and give in return that ardent
affection for which her heart craves!”
Dear Mrs. B., I can and do,” answered
the Colonel. “There is one whom I prize
above all, and whom I truly believe to be
the loveliest woman on earth.”
“Ah I” said the beauty, with a soft hand-
pressure and a most kiliiug glance, “and she
is?”
“My wife!” replied the Colonel, “I think
she is in the tea room, and it is time I looked
for her. Good-night, Mrs. B.”
How Are Yon, My OM Friend?
Asked a bright-looking man. “Ohl I feel
miserable, l*m billions and can’t eat, and my
back is so lame I can’t work.” “Why in the
world don’t you take Kidney-Wort? that’s
what I take when I’m out of sorts, and it al
ways keeps me in perfect tune. My doctor
recommends it for all such troubles.” Kid
ney-Wort is tho cure for billiousnes# and
constipation. Don’t fail to try it.— Long
Branch News.