Newspaper Page Text
THE SUNNY SOUTH
BILL ARP
War Times—Military Encampment—
Etc., Etc.
The Georgia railroad—the old reliable, the
first railroad I ever saw. How fondly mem
ory goes back to my amazement and awe
and childish fear when for the first time I
saw the huge leveathan come steaming down
the track breathing fire and smoke and
making the earth to trimble with its noise.
Forty-si* years have passed, and lam on this
venerable line again, steamingaway to Caro
lina. Ruminating thoughts oome free and
nn bidden and as we pass Covington I am re
minded of the time when my good wife and
seven children, with one at the breast, were
flying from the foul invader, seeking a ref
uge somewhere outside of Sherman’s fiery
belt, and when they arrived here in the good
old town were overtaken by Stoneman’e
raid. The nurse, a good, faithful family
servant, was walking out with our younges.
child, a litte black-eyed biunette, and the
raiders came clattering down the road and
stopped her, and one of the Vandals said,
"Put down that child. What are you carrying
that child for? Don’t you know that yon
are free?"
The nurse was amazed and indignant.
"W hat yer w ant me to put down de chile for;
de chile eant walk."
"Whose child is it?” said the brute.
"It’s my chile," said the nurse, hugging the
little thing to her breast. “Whose cnile did
you reckon it was?”
"Well, if it’s you'-s, it’s a very strange
color,” he replied and galloped on.
Unprotected and almost unknown, my
Wife and children hid out. until the raiders
left the village, and having no transporta
tion did not know how they would escape
from the ntxr brntal hero that came along
But about midnight they were aroused wnh
am iiheie«l v. icrsat thewii dowand t■ lei oly
greetings fiom familiar faces, for a friend
in i ted fiou- Maci-on had heard of their per
ils on the wings of the wind, and sem a car
riage and a wagon af er tt em, and so they
were hurried on with b ig aud t> lggage and
about sunrise arrived at hin ho-citable home.
A friei.d hi need is a friend iu deed A
thousand times have I hought of thai
act of disinterested kindness, and wondered
at it, for it was a perilous thing to do in
j erilous times, when the f ail invader
was only too happy to capture stock, and u
hor-e or a mule was worth nearly tits weight
in Confederate money. That one deed ot
kihUhb-s stamped Eugene ii-rris as. a no
ble, large-hearted man and a frieno iu tieeo.
1 shall always love him. In a few days I
found my lost family at his house, and we
thought the raiders had li ft the country,and
felt secure; hut one bright morning they
came tearing by ai d took the towu of Mat i
son by storm. Our lolks were two miles in
the country, and when the Yankees rode np
and wanted water the good old mother, who
was alone, came to the door aud saluted
them, and said: "Certainly, gentlemen, you
shall have water. Do you think there is any
danger of the Yankees coming this way ?”
They laughed and told her they were Yan
kees, and she quietly remarked: "Well, you
seem to act like gentlemen;” aid tins
pleased them, and they said, "Some ot us
are, mad,in, I hoy e,” and thanking h*r foi
the wafer they rode away. Well, some of
them were gentlemen, and all such we re
spect. I recalled the few succeeding days
when Harris aud Joel Abbott Billups and I
aud two or tbiee frit i.ds hid out. the mules
aud the horses in a canebrake and fed them
at night, and hid onrseives out in a pine
thicket iu sight of the horses and played
catds on the ground and eat melons aud
told ’tor.., id pHf’.- rtSH, tile llliiv, nliU i.rtU
signals of peace and war and distress ar
ranged with our wives, so that we could act
on emergencies. I remember how two
straggling soldiers found the mules one day
and rode two of them up to the front gate,
and Mrs Huiris detained them iu pleasant
conversation until we could get there and
how Eugene was furiously and recklessly
mud, and, slipping round to the back door,
got two doutde-barreled guns, aud giving
me one of them he rushed frantically up to
them, and, shoving the muzzle in one’s
face, ordered him to dismount, and he just
fell off quick on the other side, and the next
one did the same, and they departed in
haste to parts uuknown. I saw the house
and the pine thicket from the car window
as we rolled along, and it carried me back
to the times tnat tried men’s souls and soles,
for we were on the run a good deal, aud
hardly knew when to stop.
Eugene Harris. I think of him andFrank
Jones together. Both of them the friends of
my youth aud my age. Two noble men
whom time nor poverty have demoralized
from their natural goodness and greatness
of heart. Many a lime have I laughtd si
lently and all alone over the midnight frolic
When Eugene tiead on a snake in his room
at Stonewail Iron Works and was bitten,and
tney struck a light and kiiled the venomous
reptile and dosed Eugene with whiskey and
gui him drunk ana ins ankle began to swell
and his tongue got louse and he used lan
guage-much language—and was as wild
aud frantic as an untamed Comanche.
"Send for Axson, Frank ; 1 love Axsou. Oh,
my Lardy; I’ve been thinking tor live years
I would join the church. Ax-on knows it.
Fiank J ,nes, did you kill that snake ? Kill
him again the infernal beast. When can
Ax-,on get here. Do yon reckon I'll die?
G ve me some more whiskey. Just to think
ot it, I ve lived mighty nigh 40 years dodging
death and ti e devil and Yankee bullets and
all manner of perils, and now at the last
have got lo die by an infernal snake. Mash
his head again Fiank and give me another
drink. When can Axson get here? I want
lo hear him pray once more. Confound the
snake.”
Well, he was laid up two long months aud
suffered agony, but he got well and still
lives to brighten the faces of his friend.
My mind kept wandering along and got to
the Rome encampment where the boys fired
their blank cartridges and marched around
and had a big frolic in time of pieoe. All
this carried me back 20 years,I when we too
had a camp near Rome—when we had a
legion. Just think of it—a legion. Le
gion is a big name, a glorious name.
Legions of angels; legions of soldiers
—legions of devels. It is a cIhs-ic
name. Well, we had a legion. Yerser’s
Legion, Home Guardp, Fireside Defenders,
Georgia Meeliish, Joe Brown Peis, aud ail
sorts of names. And we, too, were in camp
and had a battery and some cavalry and in
fautry, and we just dared the foul invader
to come. I remember how I was lieutenant
of artilleiy, and one dark night our guns
went iff and waked up the legion in terror
and alarmed the settlement, and the lung
roll was beat, and the cry was, "To arms,
to arms, ye brave!’’ George Burnett and
Tom Ayer were at the bottom of that devel-
meut, and I remember bow, a few days
after, half a dozen Y-nk"e cavalry were
seen away down the road g tlloping furious
ly along iu their blue clothes aboi t sun
down, and another alarm was beat and our
battery was ordered to charge down to
Q linn’s ferry, and we charged and planted
our guns upon the bauk and waited for the
foul invader to come; but he uidu 1 coin*-,
and we soon fonud out that the Yankee
horsemen were Jeff Johnson and Bill A<-p
and a few Hi ore of iheir sort hunting n.if*
chief. I remember that the legion had 800
lighting men and 1,200 quartermasters and
commissaries, who were instructed to scour
the country in sesreb of forage and viltels,
and they s tonred. Eugene Harris aud Oil
ver tillIIwell were in my mess, and when old
man Lewis came into camp one day hunt
lug for some lost hogs, George Burnett told
him he hadn t seen ’em and didn’t know
anything about ’em, but all he did know
was that Stillwell and Harris and me had
had spareribs and backbone and fresh pork
to eat every day for three days. So we were
reported to Col. Yeiser, and liked to have
been oonrt-marHaled; and old man Lewis
believed as long as he lived that we stole
bis hogs.
Well, it was a glorious kind of war that
we engaged in then—a splendid war and
reminds me of the scene when the Texas
ranger rode up to a squad of home guards,
aud, drawing a big shooter from his boot,
exclaimed: "Lay down, melieh, I’m gwine
to bust a cap!”
ON THE HOUSE CAB.
A Bough Etching of an Eveiy Day
Street Scene.
Here we are at the crossing, and there is
the jingle of the horses’ bells. They are
liorsbs, and not the long-eared plebiau
mules, for this is the PEaCHTREE line,
don’t yun know ?
Let r jump in, end just for amnsement,
take a run np and down. Hurry I Yon will
nnve to be spry to get a seat, for it is dinner
time, aud the lawyers, brokers, merchants,
clerks and cute little cash boys are crowding
home to refresh the inner man.
Here are ladies too, who have been in
dulging iu that delightful feminine pastime
—shopping. But this good woman does not
-eeui to have found it a pastime. Puffing
and perspiring, she drops into a seat and
heaves a deep sigh of relief. Behold her
bundles! A hat for garden wear, dresses
tor the little ones, an apron for the cook, a
p’per bag of snowfl-kes, another of frosted
o .fees—the children’s delight, a sm- Her one
of candy, two pie plates and a rattler for the
ba’ y. And she attempting to take them all
home herself! Good soul, she has remem-
b .ed »very body I Let us hope that sutne-
bodi/ will remember her.
P ss your eye on to her neighbor, who
kteps his arms pinioned up, as though he
•were a stuffed chicken, for fear of hitting
my funny-bone. But he is not one bit like
a stuffed chicken. I do wish something
would plump him up, richer blood flow
through his shrunken veins, and his tired
brain s»eal time from the whirlpool of busi
ness life to turn back to the days of free
and hi ppy boyhood. VVbat a trnnsforma-
lion would be wrought ! Somebody, tell
nim not to work so hard; whisper that there
is sweeter music to be heard, tor the listen
ing, than the click of g'dd.
No. 3. There! see tha! blue eyed cherub
iu heruurse’earm-! Thechiidren aretooenn-
nmg for anything these times 1 wonder that
Kate Orei nnway doesn’t .-pend her time iu
embracing her liule model artists when she
g,ts them dressed up, inste d of getting
Heir i ictnres But oli ! t tie ant el has lost
its wiugs ! See the ugly frown ou its baby
f.ioe hi the tiny fist inflicts a blow upon her
protector.
Fee, Be my little maiden, go home and
learn better, or perhaps mamma lets you
strike lie-al-o.
No. 4, «e get a glimpse of by the swaying
of the little man standing between us, who
holds on to the leather snap to keep from
fading into her lap.
Who is she? We don’t know; but the sweet
face, with its dept!; of meaning, marks her i
as one tin t ha- learned patiei.ee by life’s 1
burdens cheerfully borne, and whose heart
had grown larger end sou! stronger in the
struggle—a brave little woman of work!
No. 5 Here is the "big m in of the town”
advertising himse f by the c-oriage of his
portly jier-on, the newness of his cloth, and
,he unu-ually heavy chain of gold that dan
gles from his watch-pocket. See him take
out his elegaut tinm-piece with a grand
flourish, coil pare it with that of the oar, aud
replace it with an air of cninpiacanej that
■says I have amide money aud have a right to
enjoy it. Any man who is not equally smart
is "a laggard,” or "a fool.” Beware of him
ye unfortunate ones.
Nos. C aud 7 Bow to the young men of
then-ing generation, who though still in
knee pants, wi-h it to be distinctly under
stood that if they are not quite as high as
heir papas now, they expect to be "bigger”
Tie • lifcTV.~T> rung.
F ,,or little Davd Copper-fields! Everybody
who looks lit them i-eeuis to say, "Haw
young you are 1” See them displaying the
treasures of their pockets, and do not fail
to mark the "lnck rocks” arid rabbit feet.
No. 8. in walks a gentleman of color, as
grandly as a regiment of brigadiers. Going
forward, he deposits a bright silver dollar
in the box, and, turning to the driver, de
mands the change. What a changed coun
tenance. Behold oonsteruation written in
his down-cast eyes and fallen under yaw
when he is told, “once in, in forever.” The
driver, after teasing his victim awhile, tells
him to call that night at the company’s
stable’s, and he will try to make it all right
for him. With a look of grati'ude, our
“brother in blaok” slowly takes his seat,
and consoles himself with the ali-oomforting
tobacco.
No. 9 is a daiDty city belle in fresh white
muslin and clouds of lace, with her pretty
feet incased in satin boots. These Cinder
ella members look to be in danger from the '
proximity to the dusty brogans of No. 10
who is from the rural districts, evidently, j
Seeing that there is no chance of striking
up a friendly confab with the fair damsel,,
npon whom he has beeu feasting his won- j
dering eyes, he turns him to another rustic j
brother sitting near, and in a loud voice, as
he rolls his quid in his cheeks, he details his
home experiences. The following inter
change of views is enjoyed :
“The airth don’t yield like it used to do.”
"No it don’t 1”
"What’s the matter ?”
"W. re out.”
“Whar trees is flint wore out!”
Here our Attention is Attracted by the
loveliness outsidt—the beautiful stately res
idences we are passing set in the midst of
emerald lawns wiui sparkling fountains,
broad Laved plants and beautiful trees. Par
rots are singing aud screaming iu their gil
ded cages, young faces are at the door and
windows looking for papas. Altogether it
is a panorama, which one can enjoy by ta
king a ride on the Peachtree street oars.
UNDER THE EAVES.
KING OF THE LOBBY.
Bonn Piatt Talks About Undo San
Ward.
Dinners at Welelter’e—Tha K!nz<l
Peculiar methods of manipu*
lation—Inside Glimpses
of the Lobby,
Pleasant above the city’s din
My quiet room beneath the eaves;
The first to see the day begin,
The last the sunset lingering leaves.
Pleasant npon the window-pane,
Uplifted high, so near the sky,
To hear the patter of the rain,
Or see the snow go swirling by;
To watch the gilded weather-cocks
In every eddy turn and wheel;
To hear the clear melodious shocks
Of chiming bells that clang and peaL
Dove-haunted roofs and towers and spires,
The friendly faces of the clocks,
The network of electric wires,
The sparrow* gossiping In flocks,
The smoke’s dim, ragged phantoms soft
From myriad chimneys lightly curled.
That mingle with the clouds aloft
Slow sailing with the sailing world:
Pleasant and peaceful alL Most sweet
When morning and when evening fires,
Silent above the busy street,
Touch the dove-haunted roofs and spires.
Neighbored by sparrow and by dove,
A comrade of the weather-cocks,
My quiet, airy perch 1 love,
The chimney-stacks, the city clocks;
And thank the heavens that bend above
For leave to find such deep delight
In tower and spire and fluttering dove,
Color and cloud and sparrow’s flight.
Celia. Thaxtee,
Boston, Mesa., Jane 17.
And so, His Majesty is dead, at last. "W*
cannot cry “The king is dead, long live tbi
king,” for he left no heir apparent—no suc
cessor of any sort. The ttiroue is vacant.
The seat of honor at the head of the table,
and such a table, is, and must be, forever,
vacant.
What memories, bright and pleasant, clustei
about that name. Sum Ward, dear old
Uncle Sam, with his full round face, closely
cropped, and, no less, round head, and s
stomach ample as a river and harbor appro
priation bilL I can see him now, Horatio,
In my mind’s eye so courtly, genial and
shrewd.
He made Welcker’s—Welckor’s was his
court. Old John W elcker was a competent
prime minister to the King of the Lobby,
and prime minister to the aesthetic stomach
of the government. Honest old John. Ger
man by descent, French through generations
of training, he was the one from instinct,
and the other in simple, straightforward,
open integrity. When nature made John
Welcker, nature combined German purpose
with French capacity, and said, “Behold my
perfect restaurateur.” But John, like Col
onel Fellers’ eye-water, yet la.ked the on*
ingredient, and that was Uncle Sam Ward.
Through space two atoms, two beings, float'd
imperfect. They met, and incited into one.
John found his one ingredient—Ward found
his lacking opportunity, and the govern
ment found Welcker’s.
The bluebird carols on the apple-blossomed
limb,
The kine iow mellow on tho plain.
But my heart is heavy, and my weary ey<»
are dim,
For the los ones I’ll never see again.
I know that this is sentimental rot, but 1
cannot he'p it. Welcker’s was world-famous
for i s wines, canvass-backs, terrapin, blae-
grass south-down mutton, oysters and cheese,
but about its rooms linger the memories o.
rosy hued romance, the bright eyes, beauti
ful forms, sweet voices and rnei-ry laughs,
that mingled love with heavy appropriations
—and lifting the souisof Solons into a heaven
of bliss, sank reputations into the dread abyss
Of hail,
At Weloker’s the famous Cridit Mobilier
wound its tendrils of shame about the char
acters of eminent legislators. In those en
chanted rooms Pacific Mail bought for a
million an entire congress. Over its wine
and under its gaslight the North Pacific-
begun its work that ended in gulping down
platoons of politicians, and enveloping an
entire people in common bankruptcy.
But why attempt a history? A history of
Welcker’s is a history of the lobby, and a his
tory of the lobby is that of the government
of the United States for the last twenty
years.
John Welcker was a native of Alsace or
LStgci reji^a.-—i—fciriy
his indignation when GiS-many reclaimed ti e
territories named from France. John was a
German in appearance and sturdy shrewd
ness, and French in his tastes. He turned a
dwelling house into a restaurant, and was
doing fairly well when Sam Ward entered
Washington, a member of the Third House,
after the fall of the Confederacy and the
evacuation of the Capitol by the Democratic
party.
Sam wanted a place in which to dine his
friends, and he found Welcker; aud Welcker
found his fame and fortune.
Uncle Sam was seventy years of age, so
far as years counted, but with a stomach
just twenty-oue, whin he took to quarters,
in a disreputable house, south of the avo-
nne. That is where Sam slept, wrote and
■aw his particular friends. At New York
he roomed at the Brevoort, in grand style,
but at Washington he was strictly confiden
tial. He rode to and fro in the most fright
ful-look old hack driven by a darkey, who
had retired from active life before the late
war. The concern rattled and banged like
rheumatic shutters in a nor'easter, and the
supposititious springs had long since let down
from a paralysis that defied any suggestion
of elasticity.
When Unde Sam picked a friend up in
this rusty inconvenie .ca, he was wont to
warn him not to put his entire weight on the
floor, lest he go through, and when the
friend expressed fears of smallpox Sain
would assure him that ha was careful to keep
the vehicle well vaccinated.
Uncle Sam graduated at Yale before that
Institution had supplemented Greek and
mathematics with rowing. He was wont to
say that he had more Greek and loss infor
mation when he did graduate than any man
living. Hj inherited a fortune, and spent it
It was his process of education. From that
be entered the lobby, the shrewdest operator
ever set on end by the devil to delude law
making humanity. And yet he was never
known to ask a member to vote for t,>.~
against any measure.
Why, you aak, what did he do? He gave
iinnlfs. At those dinners he had all the
Moment men at W ashing ton. If the measure
be was retained in went through on its merits
ar otherwise, Uncle Sam smiled knowingly,
and pocketed his contingent. If it failed he
would shrug his shoulders and say to hi*
backers: “My dear fellows, we did all wa
could, but the fates were against us.” That
Is all 1 there was of direct lobbying by Hi*
Majesty, King of the Lobby.
But he was admirable, indeed, invaluable,
as an adviser. He knew how all the creators
of be-it-enacted, and all the heads of d«
parturients could be approached and in
fluenced. But he was too shrewd and
cautious ever to put his imperial fingers neat
the trap.
If called before an Investigating com
mittee he knew nothing, and he told th*
truth. Sam was too wise to know much.
There is a popular delusion abroad as te
the lobby at Washington. It is supposed to
consist of a body of unscrupulous men en
gaged in corrupting congress and the de
partment*. This is not, exactly, the revers*
of the truth, but it is nearly sol II
there is any body being corrupted it ii
the lobby by congressmen. However, this
is going too far, for the lobbyist, as a
general thing, is a bad egg to begin with,
»mi fike tho sung of, who wore tbs
little curl on tbo center mt her tarts* from Bam Ward and tha other from th*
standing, when bad be is vary, vary bad, b» president.
deed. Uncle Sam always superintended the cook-
When we remember that congress legit ing himself. Arriving at Welcker’s in full
lates on every oanceivable interest, and time, he would throw off Ms coat, put on
especially private interart af the United an apron and cap and assume control of tha
States, and that all the legislation is done by ouixint, Welcker’s French artist standing,
committees, in rooms, with closed doors, w« ladle in hand, ready to do the bidding of a
can see the situation the poor fellow is is master.
who wishes to have his side of the interest j Resuming his coat, after a bath and elabo-
cared for. | rate toilet, he would be in the reception room,
He is driven to employ some one. Hanoi oo'J, quiet and easy of manner, ready to ra
the lobby. It is to congress what the bar ii ceive his guests. These were often titled
to a court. But why so corrupt? Becaus* gentlemen from Europe, especially of Eng-
con gross wills that it shall be corrupt Con land, for Uncle Sam had an European a*
gress could as well have a body of honorable; well as an American reputation, and m
honest men about, as the Parliament oi Lord RoseLury said, “One must see the fairy
England has, as to have those loose men and land of the Great Divide anil die, then din*
•fast women. | with Uncle Samuel to secure a resurrection.’’
Of course, all are not corrupt. The lat* > The King enjoyed receiving large sums,
Hon. Jeremiah L Black, the living Hon but his heart was large and his hand evei
William M. Evarts and many other eminent open, to say nothing of expensive tastes, s*
attorneys have appeared before committees, the King retained little of his royal income,
and I doubt not have used their influenct | 1 have said that beyond entertaining h«
with members, in an honorable way, to secur* did, in the way of lobbying, very little,
legislation or prevent legislation. j This must be taken with allowance, for hit
The better class of female lobbyists, if 1 knowledge of the dim ways through congrew
may use such a term, are never seen about and the departments wasjgreat, and this, add-
the corridors or lobbies of congress. Thes* ed to his knowledge of official human
beautiful and fascinating creatures live at, nature, made his advise invaluable,
the fashionable hotels, generally under th» | Stories are told, too, of some clever acts of
guise of widows, and drive about in dainty his. One of these Bret Harte has worked
little coupts, and are death to the rurai into his “Story of a Mine,” aud it will beat
innocents sent up by a confiding constituency retelling.
to save the Union. The Hon. Lycurgui j A great wrong to a California interest had
Leatherlungs, M. C. from Runkumville, re- been smuggled through th* House, aud hung
gards these dainty creatures as pinks of pro- ; ready for passage in the Senate. The partic*
priety in the gardens of the social world. | at interest, opposed to tho unholy attack on
The lower order of lobbyists are the veriest their property, had, unfortunately, been
bunko knaves in the world. Claiming U snowed under on the Rocky Mountains, ann
influence certain members, they make a point the poor agent at Washington, without in-
in getting these members to recognize then fluence, was in despair. He luckily called
socially, extracting a lee thereby, through on Uncle Samuel.
their supposed or rather pretended intimacy, The session was drawing to a close. Ah
from the more modest promoter. ■ great steals are reserved for tills period, when
The Hon. James G. Blaine told me an in- Congress, b -.If drunk and all worn out, losw
stance of this. While Speaker of the House, its instinct., of self preservation, ami in a
he was passing through the lobby hurriedly, roar of senseless excitement the gates are
"They wan smussd, wj uools, but it
struck ms they were laughing more at yoo
than your story.”
This piqued the eld gentleman, «nd h®
said: “"’hey won’t laugh so much when they
oome to think of it, I’ll tell you. While the
! x'aclflo Mail was ponding the master mind
ef the company went to Riggs and drew out
| gfty-two thousand dollars, in one thousand-
j dollar notes. These he gave his agents, and
j each member got his one thousand-dollaf
i note. Do you see where the fifty-two one
eared pigs come inf*
j I did, Indeed, and it was so good I could no4
refrain from publishing the story and th*
moral in the next issue of The Capital. Unci*
Samuel never forgave me. It ended hi*
reign at Washington. After that he waa
feared. But Welcker was dead. John Cham-
| berlain had taken his place. New faces, new
interests and new modes came in, and i# wa*
: time for the Monarch to resign his crows
j and scepter and depart.
! Dear old Sam Ward, he has indeed de-
; partod. Nowhere on earth can the banquet
hall be found with that rotund form, genial
•mile and easy grace of welcome and flow ol
\ charming spirit, to feed both mind and
! body. Let us hope that he has lobbied hi*
j way into that life eternal where peace and
good-will to men on earth give one a right
to sit in heaven. Doj»n Piatt.
Mao-o-ohekk, O., June Iff.
THE LIGHT SIDE OF LIFE.
op-ued and a flood of iniquity rushes through.
A law, prohibiting the consideration of ali
bills, other than those relating to the public
service, ton days previous to adjournment,
would kill off the worse part of the lobby at
once.
This California steal was purposely held
when a noted lobbyist stop’ied him, an ’, in a
low, earnest tone, asked him to sen ! a cer
tain document to his, tho lobbyist’s lodging.
The speaker said: “Oil, yes, certainly—at
tend to it immediately,” and went on. The
fellow was an ex-congressman from t
western state, and nad privileges, although |
about as low in the scale of respectability’ for these closing hours, and they were
as it was possible for a man to be and escape , steadily approaching.
the penitentiary. | “What can we do—what can we do? Oh
home weeks after Mr. Speaker was called if some confounded measure would only com*
on by an awkward specimen of humanity, up to kill today,” cried the agent, in uttei
clad in the mysterious wearing apparel al- j despair.
ways produced by an unfashionable tailor. Uncle Samuel mused. “I have It,” hs
who said: j said, and seizing a pen wrote to Senator
“Mr. Speaker, you ain’t called up my bill, ; Sumner:
aa you promised” | “My dear Senator: I am but now In from
“I promised to call up your bill! I nevei your devoted Boston. Iam sorry to write
did anything of the sort. ”
“Oh. yes, you did; I heard you.”
“Now, sit still, Jerusha Jane, and look
right at me aud tell me why the money of
the bank president that ran away is like
Carson City?” “Like Carson City I—let’s see
—liecause—why, because, there’s millions in
it.” “Wrong, Rusheel” “Because—any*
thing about miners and mines?” “No I—you’re
stupid!” “Well, James, don’t get mad;
everybody isn't as smart as you—because
one has mines aud the other has yours,"
“Very good—that ain’t It, though.” “Any
Bom-answer?” “Bonanza—ha, ha! no,
you’re not on the track at all, Jerusha."
“James, dear, now is it because one is in the
Levant and the other lias levanted?” “There
you are again—no!—one isn’t in tho Levant,
either.” “Well, Jimmy, is it because one haz
taken the cars oil and the other is Cars-unf”
‘‘Not exactly—not bad, though.” "Well, I
can’t guess, what is it?" “Give it up? I
thought you’d hav* to, because it is the
capital of ’u Evader.” “An evader?” “Ne
vada—Nevada— You goose!” “Wall, the
pronunciation isn’t right; tisn’t fair. You
take liberties with my ear."
W. A. Ckoftot.
New York, June 18.
“When, when, how, my man?”
you that I heard oil all sides a lament,
among your friends, that their great orator
and stattwuum looms to have lost oil interest
in public affairs since the tho war. On theii
“Why, one day, in that long passage, back ac( . oun t, as well as your own, please, oh,
of your seat. Mr. E., he told me that for Senator, do not let this session close without
forty dollars he could have you just call that your clarion voice lieing heard by the jieople.
bill up and pass it anytime. I just give him j “Tom's, respectfully, "S. W.”
two twenty dollar gold pieces when you cam* ) To the intense disgust of many, and th*
along, and he asked y u, and you said, “Oh, amazement of all in the Senate chamlter tliat
yes, certainly, I’ll attend to it immediately.” day, the great Sumner appeared, followed by
Tins story sounds incredible, but I know three pages loaded with documents, and pro
the miserable wretch spoken of, and am ceoded to claim the attention of the Jfog bank
realty to say that it is true in character, if to an elaborate argument in behal'. of th*
not, ill _ _ _ i Tfrenreh, Spoliation Uloini. —+ -
It is not only impossible to get before a I There would hav* been gnashing of teeth
committee, 1UC extremely difficult to secure and tearing of hair but for the fact that soo
the attention of a member on any matter, ; atorial grinders, made by artistic dentists,
public or private. j cannot be gnashed with comfort, and th*
The hardest worked man in this over- l wearying wc*k of senatorial brains leave* th*
worked world of America is a member of dome of senatorial thought without hair foi
congress. He is considered the one agent at any purpose, ’lh* cloak rooms and barbel
Washington, of his constituents, and he has shops were dark with imprecations as th*
not only a throng at his heels, begging for lofty Solon went solemnly on in the arraign-
oflice mainly, but his mail comes laden with msnk of the government for its shameful re-
requests. He must hunt up patents, look pudlation of a just debt No one dare inter-
after claims, procure pensions, and, above rupt him. The session wore to a close, and
all, secure all the offioes in la* gift of the the California steal was arrested,
government He must supply all the old | Our King’s reign came to a close in a pecu-
ladies with garden seeds, all the men with ! liar way, illustrative of our potentate’s power
public documents, and he must answer aud character. The Pacific Mail subsidy that
promptly every letter written him on any , had been bought through Congress, owing to
subject j a quarrel among the purchasers, was being
Too poor to employ a clerk, the wretched Investigated. The investigation unoovered
Solon labors from early dawn till late in the more than the investigators intended, them-
POSITIVE CURE
for every form of
SKIN & BLOOD
DISEASE.
Tt:m
PIMPLES to SCROFULA
riClltN'L rti .ii, I'ui'liij. "U i u i .mr-
1 it«J, CoDtairious «• <1 * 'upper C<>lnr>d Diseases
of ihe Hlood,Ski-i, n< d 8 flip, wi h to s of hair,
are positively cured SytheC’imcuBa K-mepiks.
riUTicoi-A Kesoi VENT, the new bi s-d purifier,
cleanbe- the blood ai'd perspiration of impuri
ties and poisonous bleuients, ami removes the
i cause.
j riTiCUBA, the er«a r dkin <!ure. instantly
all iy- 1 chi g hi d IuHa.nmari->n, c ears the Skin
and Scalp, heals Ulcers and fj-ires, and restores
j the Hair.
i CeTicURi Soap, an exquisite Skin B»au'ifier
and I’m let Requisite, prepared fr un ('UiICUIlA,
is ind'spensab e in tn-ani.g Skin : Diseases. Ba iy
Humors, Skin Blemishes, Chapped and Oily
Skin.
j Cu rlCUItA Remedies are absolutely pure and
the only infai iule Blood Purifiers and Skin
, Beanti tiers.
| S ild everywhere. Price. Cuticura, 50 cents;
! Soho, 25 cents; Res -lv“nr, $1. Prepar-d by P.iT-
; ter Drug and CuemicAi. Co., B wtov, Mass.
j Semi for "How to Cure Skin Diseases.”
Mother’s Friend!
A Precious Boon to Woman.
night—like a mule on a tow-path. If he rests
for an instant he is gone. His enemies at
home are working for his place, and any
neglect on his part is fatal to him. Ho is
doomed anyway, but does not know it.
One can realize, under these circumstances,
the wrath of a member called on by some
stranger to consider a case on its merits.
Merits 1 I have seen the air blue with bias-
selves among the rest As it progressed, out
Uncle Sam was found in the swim, and was
brought utj before the committee as a wit
ness. They, the said committee, had a rather
hilarious time with Uncle Sain.
“You claim to be King of the Lobby,”
asked one, lisplaying a double row of fals*
teeth in v\ hat he considered a smile, bu*- that
struck spectators as a spasm from a tootii-
HOKD OF PRIiISE.
phemy at the mere mention of such an iu- ache. “Please tell us, if you use no money,
famy. how you manage?’
Small wonder is it that the poor member \ “I have the honorable officials to dine with
falls an easy victim to a shrewd lobbyist, me. Good food and rare wine oil the wheels
who relieves him of his work, writes his of legislation."
speeches and slips refined taffy into print i The committee looked puzzled. “Permit
anent the member’s patriotism and ability, me," said Uncle Samuel, “to A ustrate by a
This only son of Satan may not divide in little story, told me many years since by
money for the votes and influence he gets Washington Irving.” The committe begged
from his member, but he pays him ali the him to illustrate, and the witness continued:
8anle _ | “Once upon a time the King of Spain found
It was this press of afTairs that made Sam himself lost, with the nobles of his court, iu a
Ward’s dinners so attractive. He would vast forest, whore they were hunting. Being
say to a high official, “You are overworked, quite hungry, the king ordered one of hi*
my dear Senator,” (or Secretary or member courtiers to climb a great tree and see ii
of the Ho tse, as the case may be). “You
need rest; take one with us to-morrow.
You can put in four hours over the best
wines and viands, in the choicest company,
and the shop will be left on tho street. Not
a word of business, on my honor as a gentle
man; not a word.”
And Uncle Sam was as good as he prom
ised. I have assisted at those parties mors
frequently than I can count, and from the
sherry bitters to the brandy syrup and cigars
I nev*c heard my Uncle Sam open his head,
■ave to recommend his wines, discourse on
his dishes, or tell very good stories, or draw
others out into very bad ones.
Well, how did he do his work? To tell the
honest truth, I do not think he ever did. 1
some habitation could not bu discovered.
The courtier did so, and reported a castle, at
a short distance to their right Thither th*
king went, w ith his huge retinue, and solic
ited rest and refreshments of the noble pro
prietor. Now this same lord of the castle
was troubled, for he had nothing in his lar
der of wliioh to make a meal. After th*
king and courtiers retired to their rooms th*
noble lord of the castle called up his cook and
stated his difficulty. ‘Don’t troubls your
self, Exoellenzy, they shall hav# their dim
ner.’ In an horn after the entire crowd sal
down to a sumptuous repast. After it wa*
done with and all were lingering over tlieii
wine, the host, t o amuse the king, told him
what had happt ned. The king was amazed.
'Let us see this cook,’ he cried. The cook
was summoned and asked how he had man-
think it was a dexterous, delicate way of _
“how not to do it” He was always heavily to g et % dinner from an empty
retained—had money given him in abun- larder . lf Y our Gracious Majesty will
dance for such entertainments, and kept np leaS8 ' stop to this window I can show
a great show of mysterious influence, that ^ hel , tb , dinner came from.’ The king did
was so deep that no one ever saw it H« n and the cook continued: ‘Your Majesty
could not have continued a host to the men de igu to look in the court below at that
he gathered about him on any other terms. of fifty . two hogs .’ ‘I «. them,’ ra
The first intimation of a job, as it is called, Ued th , king Y ou win notice, Your
would have been the last of the dinners. ; Majesty that eac h hog has lost one ear. Out
I first made Uncle Sam’s acquaintance at #f thosa ’ wrs i made your dinner.’ ”
one of these repaste, being taken there by the : Th# w mmit tee laughed boisterously. After-
late President Garfield and David A. Wells. ward . tfchile walking along th* avenue to
I found the Hon. Hamilton Fish, three dinner, I asked min* Uncle why he told
prominent senators and four leading mem- ^ ridiculous it0 ry about the King ol
I mu6t earnestly entreat every female expecting
to be confined to use Mother's Relief. Con pled
widi tins entreaty 1 will ad 1 tliat during a long
obstetrical practice (forty-four years.) 1 have
never known it to fail to produce a safe and
quick d livery. H. J. HOLMES, M. D.
A lady from one of the counties of Middle
Georgia who has been acting midwife for many
yeais. writes: I have disposed of all the Moth
er’s Erie 1 d you sent ine, a d 1 am delighti d with
it. In every iostanc wh re it ha.- been 11-e i its
effects have been all that 1 could ask. I consider
it a great blessing.”
A gentleman writes: “My wife used your
Mother’s Friend at her four h confinement, and
her testimony is that she passed through it
with one-half the suffering of either of her
former continemen’s, and recovered from its
eff* cts in much less time. She also recm-
mei di d it to a lady friend who was about to be
confined for the first time, and Bhe says- ‘I have
never seen any or e psss through this great trial
with so much ease and so little suffering.’ ”
A QUICK AND EASY TIME.
A distinguished physician of Mississippi
writes: “Every one expectirg to be confined
should use the Mo'her’s Friend, for during a
long obstetric practice I have never known it to
fail to produce a quick and safe delivery.”
This remedy is one about which we eanrok
publish certificates, but it is a most wonderful
liniment to be used after the first two or three
months.
Bend for our treatise on the Health and Happi
ness of Womm, mailed free, which gives all par
ticulars.
The Bkadfield Reottlattno Co.,
Box 28, Atlanta, Ga.
Dr BATE
85 S. Clark St., opposite Coart Hoase, Chicago, 111*
The greatest Specialist living, whoee life long expe
rience, perfect method and pure medicine* insures
speedy and permanentcareeot allj»rl vatte,cliroute
and nervous dlvestse*. His Oulde to Health
r*nt Free. This Book contains information forevtry
By iU salutary advice health and happiness are
Beetled. VTho should marry; who not.—reasons why
ImpOk‘ant. advice to Young and middle-aged Men.
Cases lccessfully treated by mnil and express
throng mt the civilized world. AUdresa aa above,
stating f i ii particulars ol your case-
bers of the houee. Bless your soul, Uncls
Barn’s tables were as remarkable for their
guests as their tap. There were two invito,
turns to dinner ..sever refused. One wh
Spain.
“To amuse the oommittea and keep then
from Making troublesome questions,” ha an
■wared.
«1)SS. Ll '. nr r.*"™ FREE, "..r 1
PHOiNIX FiREARMB CO . 41 Barclay 8t., N. Y.
_458 4t
DR. H F FCftTT,
Office. Peachtree 8t^
TREATS ALL'
Eye, Ear, Throat and Skin Diseases.