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MAGAZINE SUPPLEMENT TO THE ATLANTA SUNDAY CONSTITUTION SEPTEMBER 28, 1902.
The First of a Series of Fourteen Short Stories, by
the Foremost Poet Humorist in American Letters
HE little town, as I recall
It, was of just enough dig
nity and dearth of "the
came to be an ordinary
county seat In Indiana
"The Grand Old Hoosler
state.” as It was used to
being howllngly referred
to by the forensic stump
orator from the old stand
In the court house yard—
a political campaign being
.the wildest d.ilight thau
Zekesbury might ever hope
to call Its own.
Through years the fitful happenings of
the town and its vicinity went on tho
same—the same! Annually about one cir
cus ventured in, and vanished, and was
gone, even as a passing trumpet blast;
the usual rainy season swelled the
"Crick," the driftage choking at "the
covered bridge,” and backing water till
the old road looked amphibious; and
crowds of curious townsfolk straggled
down to looM upon the wateiy wonder,
and lean awe-struck above it, and spit
In it, and turn mutely home again.
The usual formula of incidents peculiar
to an uneventful town and its vicinity:
The countryman from "Jessup's Cross
ing," with the cornstalk coffin-measure,
loped into town, his steaming little gray-
and-red-flecked "roadster" gurgitntlng.
as it were, with that mysterious utter
ance that ever has commanded and ever
must evoke the wonder and bewilderment
of every boy. The smallpox rumor be
came prevalent betimes, and the subtle
aroma of the assafoetlda bag permeated
the graded schools "from turret to foun
dation stone;” the still recurring expose
of the poor house management; the farm
hand, with the scythe across his shoulder,
struck dead by lightning; the long-drawn
quarrel between the rival editors culmi
nating in one of them assaulting the
other with a "sldestlck,” and the other
kicking the one down stairs and thence-
ward ad libitum; the tramp, supposi-
tlously stealing a ride, found dead on
the railroad; the grand jury returning
n sensation indictment ugainst e barten
der non est; the temperance outbreak;
r.be “Revival;” the Church Festival; and
the "Free Lectures on Phrenology
and Marvels of Mesmerism." nt
the town hall. It was during the time
of the last-mentioned sensation, and di
rectly through this scientific investigation
that I came upon two of the town's most
remarkable characters. And however
meager my outline of them may prove,
my material for the sketch Is most ac
curate in every detail, and no deviation
from the cold facts of the case shall in
fluence any line of my report.
For some years prior to this odd ex
perience I had been connected with a
daily paper at the state capital; and lat
terly a prolonged session of the legis
lature, where I specially reported, hav
ing told threateningly upon my health, I
took both the advantage of a brief vaca
tion and the Invitation of a young bach
elor Senator to get out of the city for
awhile, and bask my respiratory organs
in the revivifying rural air of Zekos-
bury—the home of my new friend.
‘‘It’ll pay yon to get out here," he said,
cordially, meeting m» at the little sta
tion, "and I’m glad you've come, for
you’ll find no end of odd characters to
amuse-you." And under the very pleas
ant sponsorship of my senatorial friend,
I was placed tit once on genial terms
with half the citizens of the little town—
from the shirt-sleeved nabob of the coun
ty office to the droll wag of the favorite
loafing place—the rules and by-laws of
which resort, by the way. being rudely
charcoaled on the wall above the cutter'*
bench, and somewhat artistically culmi
nating in an original dlaletic legend which
ran thus:
F'rlnstance, now whar come folks gits
To re-lyin' on their wits.
Ten to one they git too smart.
And spile it all right at the start!—
Fellers want to Jest go slow
And do his thinkink' first, you know:—
Kf I can't think up somepln’ good, f
1 set still and chaw my cood!
And it was at this inviting rendezvous,
two or three evenings following my ar
rival, that tho general crowd, acting
upon the random proposition of one of the
boys, rose as a man and wended its hila
rious way to the town hall.
"Phrenology," said the little, old, bald-
headed lecturer and mesmerist, thumbing
the egg-shaped head of a young man I
remembered to have met that afternoon
in some law office; "Phrenology,” re
peated the professor—"or rather the term
phrenology—is derived from two Greek
words signifying mind and discourse;
hence we And embodied in phrenology
proper, the science of intellectual meas
urement, together with the capacity of
intelligent communication of the vary
ing mental forces and their flexibilities,
etc., etc. The study, then, of phrenology
is, to wholly simplify it—Is, I say, the
general contemplation of the workings
of tho mind as made manifest through
the certain corresponding depressions and
protuberances of the human skull, when,
of course, in a healthy state of action
and development, ns we here find the
conditions exemplified in the subject be
fore us.”
Here the ‘'subject” vaguely smiled.
"You recognize that mug. don't you?”
At ZeResbury
By James Whitcomb Riley
dition, the accuracy of our mental diag
nosis.” *
Throughout the latter part of this
speech my friend nudged me spasmodi
cally, whispering something which was
jostled out of Intelligent utterance by
some inward spasm of laughter.
rate introduction of the same, and an ex-
BUe,] tribute to the refined genius of the
author, proceed with a most grewsome
rendition of 'Alonzo the Brave and the
Fair Tmogenc,' in a way to coagulate the
Mood and curl the hair of his fair listen
ers with abject terror. Pale as a corpse.
•Just in front of ms a great broad spidered man, with a rainy smell in his cumbrous overcoat—"
whispered my friend. "It'6 that eormscat-
lng young ass, you know, Hedrick in
Cummings' office—trying to study law and
literature at the same time, and tam
pering with 'The Monster that Annually,*
don't you know?—where we found
the two young students scuffling
round the office, and smelling of
peppermint?—Hedrick, you know, and
Sweeney. Sweeney, the slim chap, with
the pallid face, and frog eyes, and clam
my hands! You remember I told you
'there was a pair of ’em?’ W ell, they’re
up to something here tonight. Hedrick,
there on the stage in front; and Sweeney
—don’t you see?—with the gang on the
rear ( seats.”
"Phrenology—again,” continued the lec
turer, "is, wo may say, a species of men
tal geography, as it -were; which—by a
study of the sk-ull—leads also to a study
of the brain within, even as geology nat
urally follows the initial contemplation
of the earth’s surface. The brain, thur-
fur, or intellectual retort, as we may-
say, natively exerts a molding Influence
on the skull contour; thurfur is the ex
pert in phrenology most readily enabled
to accurately locate the multitudinous in
tellectual forces, and most exacttngly es-J
tlmate, as well, the sequent character oi
each subject submitted to his scrutiny^
As, in the example before us—a yotit
man, doubtless well known in Vour mid-
though, I may say, an entire stranger
myself—I venture to disclose some ch^
acteristic trends and tendencies, as ii
cated by this phrenological depression
development of the skull pro Jr?, as lj
we will show, through the mesmeric
"In f* head,” said the Professor,
straddle his malleable fingers across the
young#on's bumpy brow—"In this head
we flrf Ideality large—abnormally large,
in fai thurby indicating—taken in con
junct/ 1 with a like development of the
per c</ ,v e qualities—language following,
in the prominent eye—thurby in
dicate. I say, our subject as especially
ed with a love for the beautiful—
thr# ll blime—'the elevaitlng-^the refined
an/delieate—the lofty and superb—in
e, and in all the sublimated
utes of the human heart and
h/lffc soul. In fact, we And
young man possessed of such
ural gifts as would befit him for the
I ted career of the sculptor, the actor,
artist or the poet—any ideal calling;
fact, any calling but a practical, mat-
-of-fact vocation; though in poetry he
uld seem to best succeed.”
"Well,” said my friends, seriously, "he's
■eling for tile boy!” Then laughingly:
Mled rick has written some rhymes for
he county papers, and Sweeney once in
troduced him, at an Old Settlers’ Meeting,
as ‘The Best Poet in Center Township,'
and never cracked a smile! Always af
ter each other that way, but the best
friends in the world. Sweeney's strong
suit is elocution. He has a native ability
that way by no means ordinary, but even
that gift he abuses and distorts sim
ply to produce grotesque, and oftentimes
ridiculous effects. For Instance, nothing
more delights him than to 'lothfully' con
sent to answer a request, at The MIto
Society, some evening, for ‘an appropri
ate selection.' and then, with an elabo-
you know, and -with that cadaverous face,
lit with those malignant-looking eyes, his
slender figure, and his long, thin legs
and arms and hands, and his whole dia
bolical talent and adroitness brought into
play—why, I want to say to you, it’s
enough to scare ’em to death! Never a
smile for him, though, till he and Hedrick
are safe out into the night again—then,
of course, they hug each other and howl
over it like Modocs! But pardon; I’m
interrupting the lecture. Listen.”
"A lack of continuity, however," con
tinued the Professor, “and an undue love
of approbation, would, measureably, at
least, tend to retard the young man’s
progress toward tho consummation of
any loftier ambition, I fear; yet, as we
have intimated, if the subject were appro
priately educated to the need's demand,
he could doubtless produce a high order
of both prose and poetry—especially the
latter—though he could very ill bear
being laughed at for his pains.”
“He's dead wrong there," said my
friend; “Hedrick enjoys being laughed at;
he's used to it—gets fat on it!”
"Is fond of his friends,” continued the
Professor, "and the heartier they are the
better; might even be convlvially inclined
—if so tempted—but prudent—in a de
gree,” loiteringly concluded the speaker,
as though unable to find the exact
bump with which to bolster up the last
named attribute.
The subject blushed vividly—my friend'9
right eyelid dropped, and there was a
noticeable, though elusive, sensation
throughout the audience. •
‘‘But!” said the Professor, explosively,
"selecting a directly opposite subject, in
conjunction with the study of the one
before us (turning to the group at the
rear of the stage and beckoning), wo
may find a newer interest in the practical
comparison of these subjects side by
side.” And the Professor pushed a very
pale young m-an into position.
"Sweeney!” whispered my friend, de
lightedly; "now look out!”
"In this subject,” said the Professor,
**we find the practical business head.
Square—though small—a trifle light at the
base. In fact; but well balanced at the
important points at least; thoughtful eyes
—wide-awake—crafty— quick— restless —a
policy eye, though not denoting language
—unless, perhaps, mere business forms
and direct statements."
"Fooled again!” whispered my frlpnd;
‘‘and I'm afraid the old man will fall to
nest out the fact also that Sweeney is
the cold-bloodedest. guyer on the face of
the earth, and with more diabolical re
sources than a prosecuting attorney; the
Professor ought to know this, too. by this
time—for these same two chaps have been
visiting the old man in his room at the
hotel—that’s what I was trying to tell
you awhile ago. The old sharp thinks
he’s 'playing* the boys. Is my idea: but
lt*s the other way. or I lose my guess.”
"Now. under the mesmeric influence—
If the two subjects will consent to ffs
administrnllnn,” said the Professor, af
ter some further tedious preamble, "we
many at onee determine the fact of my
assertions, ns will be proved by their
acMon while In this peculiar state." Here
some apparent remonstrance was met
wlfh from both subjects, though nmlca-
hly overcome by the Professor first ma
nipulating the stolid brow and pallid
front of the imperturbable Sweeney—af
ter which the same mysterious ordeal
was lothfully submitted to by Hedrick—
though a noticeably longer time was con
sumed in securing his final loss of self-
control At last, however, this curious
phenomenon was presented, and there be
fore us stood the two swaying figures,
the heads dropped hack, the lifted hands,
with thumb and finger-tips pressed light-
lv together, the eyelids languid and half
closed, and the features, in appearance,
wan and humid.
"Now, sir!” said the professor, leading
the limp Sweeney forward, and .addressing
him In a quick, sharp tone of voice.—
"Now, sir. you are a great contractor-
own large factories, and with untold bus
iness interests. Just look out there!
(pointing out across the expectant au
dience) look there, and see the countless
minions tolling servilely at your dread
mandates. And yet—ha! ha! See! see!—
They recognize the avaricious greed that
would grind them in the very dust; they
see, alas! they see themselves half-cloth
ed—half-fed. that you may glut your cof
fers. Half-starved, they listen to the
wail of wife and babe, and, with eves up
raised in prayer, they see you rolling by
in gilded coach, and swathed In silk at
tire. But—ha! again! Look—look! they
are rising in revolt against you! Speak to
therm before too late! Appeal to them—
quell them with the promise of the just
advance of wages they demand!”
The limp figure of Sweeney took on
something of a stately and majestic air.
With a graceful and commanding ges
ture of the hand, he advanced a step or
two; then, after a pause of some seconds
duration. In which the lifted face grew
paler, as it seemed, and the eyes a denser
black, he said:
"But yesterday
I looked away
O’er happy lands, where sunshine lay
In golden blots.
Inlaid with spots
Of shade and wild forget-me-nots.”
The voice was low. but clear, and even
musical. The professor started at the
strange utterance, looked extremely con
fused, and, as the boisterous crowd cried
"Hear, hear!” he motioned the subject to
continue, with some gasping comment in
terjected. which, if audible, would have
run thus: “My God! It's an inspirational
poem!”
"My head was fair
With flaxen hair—”
resumed the subject,
“Yoop-ee!” yelled an Irreverent audi
tor.
"Silence! silence!” commanded the ex
cited professor in a hoarse whisper; then,
turning enthusiastically to the subject—
"Go on, young man! Go on!—‘Thy head
was fair with flaxen hair—' ”
‘‘My head was fair
With flaxen hair.
And fragrant breezes, faint and rare, '
And warm with drouth
From out the south.
Blew all my curls across my mouth.”
The speaker’s voice, exquisitely modu
lated, yet resonant as the twang of a harp,
now seemed of itself to draw and hold
each listener; while a certain extrava
gance of gesticulation—a fantastic move
ment of both form and feature—seemed
very near akin to fascination. And so
flowed on the curious utterance:
"And, cold and sweet.
My naked feet
Found dewy pathways through the
wheat;
And out again
Where, down the lane.
The dust was dimpled with the rain.”
Tn the pause following there was a
breathlessness almost painful. The poem
went on;
“But yesterday
I heard the lay
Of summer birds, when I, as they
With breast and wing.
All quivering
With life and love, could only sing.
"My heart was leant.
Where, with it. blent
A maiden's, o'er her instrument;
While all the night.
From vale to height.
Was filled with echoes of delight.
"And ail our dreams
Were lit with gleams
Of that lost land of ready streams,
Along whose brim
Forever swim
Pan's lilies, laughing up at him.”
And still the Inspired singer held rapt
sway.
"Tt is wonderful!” T whispered, under
breath.
"Of course it is!" answered my friend.
“But listen: there is more;”
“But yesterday! ....
O blooms of May.
And summer roses—'Where-away?
O stars above:
And lips of love.
And all the honeyed sweets thereof!
"O lad and lass.
And orchard-pass.
And briared lane, and daisied grass!
O gleam and gloom.
And woodland bloom.
And breezy breaths of all perfume!—
“No moTe for me
Or mine shall be
The raptures—save In memory—
No more—no more—
TIP through the Do"r
Of Glory gleam the days of yore."
This was tile evident conclusion of the
remarkable utterance, and the professor
was impetuously fluttering his hnnfis
about the subject’s upward-staring eyes,
stroking his temples, apd snapping h‘s
fingers in his face.
''Well,” said Sweeney, as he stood sud
denly awakened, and grinning In an idiot
ic way, "how did the old thing work - ”'
And It was In the consequent hilarity and
loud and long applause, perhaps, that the
Professor was relieved from the explana
tion of this rather astounding phenome
non of the idealistic workings ot a pure
ly practical brain—or, as my impious
friend scoffed the Incongruity later. In
a particularly withering allusion, as the
"blank-blanked fallacy, don't you know,
of staying the hunger of a howling mob
by feeding 'em on Spring poetry!”
The tumult of the audience did not
cease even with the retirement of Sween
ey. and cries of "Hedrick! Hedrick!" only
subsided with the iYofossor's hlgh-keyod
announcement that the subject was even
then endeavoring to make himself heard,
but could not until quiet was restored,
adding the further appeal that the young
man had already been a long time under
the mesmeric spell, and ought not be
so detained Tor an unnecessary period.
"See," he concluded, with an assuring
wave of the hand toward the subject,
“see; he is about to address you. Now,
quiet!—utter quiet, it you please:''
"Great heavens!" exclaimed my friend,
Btlfllngly; "Just look at the boy! Get onto
that position for a poet! Even Sweeney
has fled from the sight of *im!''
Anil truly, too, it was a grotesque pose
the young man had assumed; not wholly
ridiculous either, since the dwaried posi
tion he had settled into seemed more a
genuine physical condition than an affect
ed one. The head, back tilted, and sunk
betweei the shoulders, looked abnormally
large. while the features of the face ap
peared peculiarly childlike—especially the
ej-es—wakeful and wide apart, and very
bright, yet very mild and very artless;
and the drawn and cramped outline of
the legs and reet, and of the arms and
hands, even to the shrunken, slender-
looking fingers, all combined to most
strikingly convey to the pained senses the
fragile frame and pixey figure of some
pitiably afflicted child, unconscious alto
gether of the pathos of its own deformi
ty.
“Now, mark the kuss, Horatio!" gasped
my friend.
At first the speaker's voice came very-
low, and somewhat piping, too, and
broken—an eerie sort of voice it was. of
brittle and erratic timbre and undulant
inflection. Yet, it was beautirul. It had
the ring of childhood in it, though the
ring was not pure golden, and at times
fell echoless. The spirit of Its utterance
was always clear and pure, and crisp
and cheery as the twitter or a bird, and
yet forever ran an undercadence through
CONTINUED ON LAST PAGE.
“CT,6e Red the BlacKf a New Serial, by C B Roberts, Begins Next Week
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