Newspaper Page Text
FOURTEENTH PAGE
“THE SUNNY SOUTH
APRIL 4. 19 03
£ Larrisons Lay-Off £
wm
i
B) FRANCIS LYNDE.
TRJCTLY speaking there
r gmm were two of them, with
a short 40-mile run inter-
I vening, and there was no
8 doubt about his having
earned them.
It happened in this wise.
Garrison was running the
fast mail with his regular
engine, the big 619. Train
No. 7, the Pacific flyer,
was badly off time; and
the mail, which had left
the Missouri river terminal
six hours later, overtook the passenger
at Grand Butte.
Here the division dispatcher made a
slip. The mail's time was faster than
that of the delayed flyer, hence Dis
patcher Perkins should have let it pass
Xo. 7 at the Butte.
But Perkins gave 7 the order to go:
and ten minutes later be let the mail
follow.
As it chanced. I was a passenger on
No. 7 that morning, the guest of Super
intendent Blaisdell, of th£ Prairie di
vision. Our car, which wal the superin
tendent's private office on wheels, was
the last in the long train. Through the
plate glass rear windows we*had frequent
glimpses of the mail as f>ar*ison whisked
into the tangents just as we were leaving
them.
"If we were on the dther side of the
hill that young Berserker would have a
good chance to repeat MacCartney’s bad
•hroa’a." remarked the superintendent,
chewing grimly on his half-burned cigar.
T nodded. MacCartney was one of the
mail engineers who, under precisely
similar conditions, had chased Xo. 7 to
within a hand's breadth of a rear-end
co'.lision.
“Perkins will doubtless hold us at the
summit and let the mail pass." I ven
tured.
But again the dispatcher missed his
opportunity. And a few minutes later
the chase had transferred itself to the
western slope, with the added hazard of a
precipitous down grade to make it more
exciting.
“Say, by George! this thing is get
ting interesting!” “aid the superintend
ent, when McGrath. our engineer,
slammed the long flyer at a, curve in a
way to make'our heavy “special" flirt
with her trucks like a light-footed dancer
trying to kick off the clogs.
T glanced up at the dial of the speed
measuring mechanism with which the
special car was fitted. The index had
passed the GO-mile an hour mark, and
was still mounting by imperceptible jerks.
And Garrison. with his ten-minute handi
cap now cut down to less than one. was
pacing us so evenly that wc might have
been towing him with a hawser.
The catastrophe came on a bit of
straight track near the bottom of the
hill. A herd of range cattle browsing
rear the line took a notion to stampede
end cross ahead of us. McGrath's whistle
shrieked the danger signal and the
pointer on our speed recorder dropped
like the arm of a miniature semaphore.
Tile next instant Mr. Blaisdell and his
guest were doing involuntary summer-
raults on the brown plain to right And
left of the rear platform, and Teddy Gar
rison had earned his vacation without
p-n v.
Tt was a pretty bad smash; though,
thanks to the vestibules and the empty
private car to take the force of the blow,
there were no lives lost. But the big
ri9 had plowed a third*of the way through
Mr. Btaisdell's private office.
Garrison was the only con] atom in the j
chaos. "You fellows had ought to kep' |
out o' my way,” he growled, when we j
had dug him out of the wreck.
In the hills to the northwest of Grand i
Butte lies rhe seigniory of one Barton j
Howison, cattle king, and thither Teddy i
betook himself at the beginning of his ,
month of leisure. Xow from the Bad i
Gands to the Three Tetons you would j
not find a curster Ishmaelite than this
roan Howison. But he had taken a fancy
to Teddy; and Teddy, like every other
unattached bachelor in the Chugwater
country, was desperately in love with
ma ry Howison.
Teddy's standing with the cattle king
dated back to the time when he was
pulling fast freights. Howison had driven
into the Butte one day with a train load
ol prime beef. The Chicago market was
up and poising for a plunge; wherefore
time in transit meant money. Ted hap
pened to be sent out on that particular
run. and he gave Howison and the beef
outfit the ride of their lives. By con
sequence. the cattle king, known far and
wide as a hater of railroad men on prin
ciple, gave him the latch string of the
ranch house to pull when he pleased.
The ranch was 30 miles from the Butte
as the crow flics. But the mail run. with
its thlrty-six-hour-layover at the division
station, brought possibilities. By dint of
a little practice a man may learn to
catch catnaps In the saddle; and Teddy
ambled it back and forth between town
and the Howison ranch when he was
When the horse come under the cab window he saw it was ridden by a woman
put up at the Arroyo hotel. Then this
whisper went around that he was an of
ficer of some sort looking for his man.
Its effect on the colony at Grand Butte
was interesting. There were mysterious
disappearances not a few.
As you would suppose, the town grinned
broadly every time a man dropped out;
grinned and looked to see the short-
whiskered one give chase. But as yet he
had made no sign.
One afternoon I chanced to be the only
other occupant of the shaded i/irch, and
he removed his cigar to say, “Wasn’t
some buddy tollin' me you was a law
yer?"
"Possibly.”
“Then maybe you can tell me what I
want to know. They tell me the govern
ment ain’t just the suir.e in the territories
as ’tis in the states.”
I replied that the government was the
same, for all practical purposes, and he
went on.
“I got some papers to serve, and I
didn’t know whether they'd hold out here
or not.”
“It will hold all right if it was prop
erly issued. Have you found your man?”
He shook his head, “it’s a girl I’m
look in-’ for. Black eyes. Brown hair with
a glint o' red In it. the prettiest mouth
you ever saw, and a trim-built, tight lit
tle figger to match. When I find her I'll
know where to find my man.”
> Ti. mystery fog began to lift. His
roug ,'d ready description was wonder
fully like an impressionist's sketch of
Mary Howison.
Then into the dust-shimmering end of
the main street rode two figures side
by side; a young woman sitting on her
pinto like one bred to the saddle, and a
your.g man whose norma! scat was the
cushion of an engine cab—to-wit, Mary
Howison and our Teddy.
The sheriff's chair came to the floor with
a snap.
“Kx-cuse me,” he said, and vanished.
An hour later, when Garrison and Mary
rode out of the dusty street end a
slouched figure mounted on a hired hack
made a wide detour on the bare plain to
hold them in view.
As 1 afterwards learned, it was on this
return to the ranch that Teddy put his
fate to the touch.
It promised to ‘be his last opportunity
for a while. While in town lie had been
notified to hold himself in, readiness to
take out the west-bound fast mail at mid
night.
Now be the speaker fluent or tongue-
tied, such things as Teddy had to say do
not utter themselves spontaneously. So
it came to pass that fifteen of the thirty
miles had been galloped over before.
lie said hatingly, “1 guess you know
why I was so struck on seeing you home
tonight.”
“How should 1 know?—except that I
know you are always headstrong.”
"Am 1? It's part of a runner's nerve,
1 guess. Man has to have nerve if he's
supposed to be sleeping the clock around, ffbiiig to pound iron on the rigbt-o’-way.
It was a matter of course that he
Fhould be jeered unmercifully by tno
men. He took it all in good part till
one day old man Targis revived a tradi
tion to the effect that Bart Howison was
nn escaped convict from one of the south
ern states. Then he struck back'
fmartly:
“It's a lie. and you all know it.” he
retorted. “The livin' last one of you
•dassent hint that to Bart Howison's
face!”
Targis laughed. "Mebhe not. But if
3 were you I wouldn't mix up too thick
with the family. Buddy.”
"If an ourang-outang on this railroad
wants to make my business his busi
ness—”
A chorus of derisive groans drowned
the defiance, and so the matter rested.
It was during the final week of Garri
son's enforced vacation that a sliort-whis-
kered man with sleepy eyes arrived at
the Butte one morning on the Flyer and
Oiscovprar of This Magic Compound That
Grows Hair in a single Night.
Trial Package Fna.
“cage of a near and wonderful remedy
convince people It actnallr grows b«lr,
— igndrafftQd qaicklj
^•SfcVE;
address to the
nriledfreettneonrtnco people 1* scmallr grows iuir,
stops hair falling put, removes dandruff and quickly
restores '
brows si
out, removes
luxuriant growth to
and eyelashes and
AH-nhefm^Medlcal Dispensary.tniToeo Building,
Cincinnati. Ohio. foruPrOotrtsI Package, enclosing
afrceotatamp to ccvsr postage, writs to-day.
Just the same, 1 haven't the nerve to
say what I've been aching to say to you
lor a month back. Miss Mary."
She gathered her bridle reins and her
gaze went afar over the dun hills yellow
ing under the western sun.
”1 am glad you haven't,” she rejoined,
slowly, not looking at him.
Garrison held his ground stolidly, chew
ing at his mustache.
“You musn't come to the ranch any
more," says she.
"You could have knocked me out with
a bunch o’ waste,” said Teddy when he
was telling me of it afterwards. “ 'Xot
come to see you any more?’ says J. ’Xo.'
says she.
" ‘It's against the law to hang a man
without tollin' him what for,’ says J.
"It was just about then that wo both
saw a slouchy looking chap riding by
on top o’ the rise. He was heading for
the ranch, with the throttle wide open.
‘If 1 should tell you what for,’ says
she. with a sort of slow fire in her eyes,
■you'd never want to see me again, Mr.
Garrison.’ And with that she hit the
horse a lick and was gone.”
That night it was the private opinion
of the round house force, more or ies.-
publicly expressed, that Garrison’s lay
off had ruined his temper beyond repair.
And when the big eight-wheeler had
been backed to her stand at the station.
Teddy perched himself like a. sulky bo;-
on his box-seat and let the fireman "oil
around.”
It was while he was sitting thus lit
sullen majesty that the incoming Mail
whistled. Above ( the din of shrilling
brakes and drumming wheels. Garrison's
ears caught another sound—the quick
thudding of unshod hoofs on the dry
hard soil of the mesa.
It was a moonless night, and the sheen
of the electric headlight made everything
Ggyptian dark behind it. None the less.
Garrison saw a horse picking its way
ecross the tracks in the yard toward the
cab . of the 619.
When the horse came under the cab
window he saw that it was ridden by ,i
woman. His sullenness vanished like the
mists of the morning when a voice"wcli-
lcnown and well-loved came up to hup
out of the darkness, “Is that you. Mr.
Garrison."
“You bet Ws me: it's always me when
you’re the one that’s askin’." he rejoined
promptly. “What's, happened?”
"The worst that could happen,” she
quavered. “A man has come— fram Ten
nessee—with a—a warrant. He. is taking
father to the train at Black Canyon, to
carry him east by Maverick and the
Short hire. Tie was afraid the boys
might fine! out and overtake him if he
came this way.”
“Taking Bart Howison ?—when he didn’t
want to go?" said Teddy, incredulous.
“Yes. Ah Bing, the cook, told me.
Father was alone in the ranch house,
and the man slipped up behind him.
There was a fight.”
Garrison was coolly disregarding the
conductor’s signal to go. “What have
they got against your father?"
“A charge, of murder. But he is in-
nocent. and—Oh, Air. Garrison, you must
help me! He will never tell, and he will
be lynched if they yet him back to
Bledso county.’”
“I'm-yours to command, same as ever. '
said Teddy laconically. “What’s your
notion ?"
"To go to Black Canyon on this train
and head them off.”
“What'll you do?”
"I—I’ll tell Mr. Pettijoa who killed
John Barnwell.”
"Who was it?”
It is a hard thing for a woman to say
to tne man she loves that which she
has reason to believe will slay liis love
for her. But she did it
"It was—it was my cousin. We—we
were engaged, and father tried to hush it
up for my sake. When he found he
couldn't do it, lie let them think he was
the guilty one and ran away. Now you
know why you must help me this once,
and then try to forget me.”
Teddy fought his battle between two
stuttering beats o-f the air-pump.
•‘Tell me, Miss Mary; did you love that
ether fellow?” he said.
"1 thought 1 did; and father thinks so
yet. He will go to his deatl# shielding
Bud larkei* for my sake. But 1 know
now that i didn't—I never did."
rejoinder was not in words,
out of the cab window he
lear of tile pinto's back and
to tlie cusnioned cab seat.
way and
was coining down
Teddy s
Reaching
swung her
drew her up
Then he dropped from the gu
collared me just
ii om
ti.e superintendent s omce.
What Theodore had to say to me was
said in the cab of the 619, after he had
chucked me upon the fireman's uox and
was snatching the Fast Mail out over
the switches. Mary Howison's story was
shouted into my ear, and this was the
deduction from it:
"You p'rade ’round here as the com-
p'ny lawyer; you’re going to Black Can
yon to find something wrong with this
here sheriff's papers. See?”
I “saw;" saw I was in for anything
from picking a pocket to committing high
treason. But not being Mary Howison's
lover, 1 had hopes.
There was a blind siding 3 miles east of
Black Canyon. Unless i mistook my man.
Dispatcher Perkins would order Xo. 8
on to this siding, where we would pass
her at the rate of 60 miles an hour, and
1 should be well out of a bad business.
But my thinking mechanism ran no
swifter than Theodore's. In a very few
moments it became evident that he had
sized.the situation up to the same con
clusion; and what steam and steel could
do to forestall Perkins was going to be
done in the racing interval.
Across the cab, lighted now by the bot-
the green glow of the gauge lamp and
now by the tierce glare from the open
fire-door, was a picture to stir the genius
of a Holbein. Garrison stood on the nar
row running step, bracing himself against
the lurch of the great engine by his
grip on the throttle; statuesque, immov
able, like a life-sized figure done in ruddy
'bronze. Beyond him, her shoulder touch
ing his, sat the girl; her hands tight-
clasped over her knees and the strained
eagerness in her lace matching Teddy’s
knitted brows.
Mile after mile shot backward beneath
us. The powerful machine seemed to be
doing its utmost; yet Garrison was still
twitching nervously at the throttle.
I knew his purpose. There was but
one night telegraph station between the
Butte and Black Canyon. Once safely
past Maverick without the. detaining or
der, and we might make sure of finding
Xo. 8 on the siding at Black Canyon.
Garrison strained every nerve—but tho
fates were against him. When we surged
around the long curve which was the
eastern approach to Maverick Junction,
we all saw the red light signaj “stop for
orders.”
The air was still whistling through the
brakes when Hogan came running for
ward with the order. Xo. 8 would leave
Black Canyon on time, and would side
track for us at Blind Siding Xo. 2.
Garrison read the order by the light of
th^ era 1117c lamp.
“T m damned if sho doe?!” w.»s all h.^»
said; and the B19 leaped into motion like
an angry thoroughbred under an unmerit
ed o,,t of the whip.
“Garrison' What are you going lo do?"
I shouted.
“I'm goin' to shove R back into Black
Canyon, 'r split her in two." he jelled.
"Study your piece. You're going to have
to speak it."
I recall little of that nightmare flight
beyond Maverick save the rattle and'
mar and the plunging rush. Only once
did full-blood consciousness assert itself;
it was when we* hammered over tile
switches of the yet unoccupied blind sid
ing and rushed onward in the darkness
Lo our deem.
When 1 opened my eyes again the 619's
whistle war, screaming in demoniac
shrieks, and I^irri.-on was twitching at
tiie air-brake Straight in front of us, the
cone of its headlight merging fairly witli
ours, was No. 8. I hold my breath for
the cra-sn which should presently efface
us. It did not come. Instead, the ad
vancing headlight stopped, wavered and
began to recede. Garrison bad wen the
t ace.
A minute later we jvore at a stand be
side the waiting passenger train, and he
bad pounced upon me with a savage
oath ,.,
"Down with you and speak your piece!
he roared. "I've done myself up for all
time, and if you don't get Bart Howison
icose now—”
1 did not wait to learn the alternative.
My man and his man were in tne day
coach, and 1 found them and went at my
part in the affair like a bull at a gate.
There was no other way.
"Your authority for this arrest, Mr
Pettijoe,” I demanded.
What I fuily expected to see was a "
authorization from the governor o
Wyoming nr-noring a formal requisition
from the governor of Tennessee. But
what the country-bred sheriff handed me
was the requisition itself. It had never
been presented to the Wyoming e"thori-
ties, and so was utterly ineffective as a
warrant for Howison’s arrest.
1 gave the paper back to the sheriff
and spoke to the cattle king.
“This man has no more authority to
arrest you than I have.”
“What’s that ye say?” demanded the
short-whiskered one, bounding to his
feet.
“You heard what I said. That is mere
ly a request from ycur governor to ours—
it isn't a warrant. Moreover, Mr. Howi
son is not the man you want. He did not
kill John Ba-nwcll. as we are now pre
pared to prove.”
Pettijoe was standing irresolute When
I^arriscn a-nrl Mary came in. I knew
what had happened befoje Teddy set it in
terse speech.
"Super's order No. 13; Engineer Hoskins
transfers from Eight to the Mail; his
fireman takes Eight to Maverick: and
Ted Garrison gets the G. B. for runnin’
against his orders.” he said briefly.
“Let’s go and find us a couple of seats and
sit down. Miss Mary’s sort o' tired.”
Howiso-n looked at me and his harsh
face softened for an instant. Bater.
when we were sitting behind the two
younglings, and the rattle and roar of the
wheels gave ns isolation, he said sober
ly. "I'm sorry—a whole lot."
“Because Ted has lost his job?”
“Naw. That, good friend o' Bart Howl-
son's don't have to work for a Maverick
railroad outfit. Rut he ain't goin' to gei
what he did it for. Molly can’t give him
what she hasn't got. I wish lo God she
could!”
I laughed. “I shouldn’t borrow any
'trouble on that score, if I were you.
They've settled it no twee 11 them. Your
daughter was holding off for Ted's sake;
not. for Bud Parker's.” *
1'he old king of the range turned a
lurid ej-e on me.
"Was. eh? She nev' let on to me.”
“Sne wouldn't under the circumstances
Hadn’t you stepped into the breach to
save Parker's life?"
“Ya’as; but not for him; ’twas Moliy
I was ihinkfn' of.”
“Precisely. But now?”
“Now it's different. Tomorrow the
‘X-bar-X’ gets that little red-headed Irish
man for its foreman; and the day Molly
marries he’ll he a side partner in the
outfit. Savcz? Lord. Bord; let's go back
aml hunt up the boofay man. Them
two'll nev’ miss us.”
And they didn't.
mrs. ida McDonald,
Supreme Deputy of the Maccabees of the World.
H'
rather to
|rs. McDonald,
No. 477 Beaubien
Street, Detroit,
Mich., is a prom
inent woman who was
greatly benefited by the
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have enjoyed fine heiHh
know there is nothing
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for a sick woman who wishes to enjoy per
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* Unhappy Hosanna *
CONTINUED FROM SEVENTH PAGE.
rbe old man ro
of the
the parlor.
tho marriage service
tired to his study at the re:r
house, leaving his wife in tne
After putting the room to rights she
ed at herself in the long mirror, bru.hed
back, with her hands, ner ^offs of iron
grav hair until they precisely fitted her
ears, and then, with a satisfied air swept
majestically to her hed room.
As nothing in this w^rld can compare
in importance to the happiness o, a hu
man life, it is of prime consequence to
detail the precise means by which misery
is put to rout, and the heart's greatest
victory won;
Therefore, to be ,exact, the white face
of- the old. but strictly reliable clock on
the parlor mantel, registered ten minutes
past 5 when the blinds opening on the
front balcony, or veranda, rattled, then
swung wide open. •
Less than a moment later Hosanna
Dutt softly entered the parlor through
the window, and as* sdftly closed the
shutters I'C h i n. 1 her. , was dressed
for the wedding, but her bridal gown
was rumpled and soiled. Her hair was
let down and coiled like amber snakes
at out her neck and shoulders. There was
a wild look in her big. brown eyes. They
seemed to be fixed on space. Her erst
while sniorlTi. velvety cheeks were pinch
ed and puffy. Her ungloved hands
twitched nervously as they caught, at
Intervals of a few seconds, at her dress
and hair and, then, at emptiness. The
motions of her body and lips were quick
and irregular. To sum up, her whole
air and carriage was that of a person
afflicted with a mild form of insanity.
Suddenly she stopped short, and kicked
over the center table, uttering, as she
did so, a stifled scream.
Startled by the queer noises in the par
lor, Jeremiah and Jerusha, who heard
them about the same time, rushed in, the
former In dressing gown and slippers, the
latter in a loose wrapper, her hair half
done up, the unbraided part dangling at
her portly back.
Hosanna presented a pitiable picture
as she stood staring upon the floor near
the turned-over table, the center of an
archipelago of "books, pictures and bric-
a-brac. Jerusha, who did not quite take
in the strange situation, owing, of course,
to the dim light in the room, rather than
to dullness of comprehension, blurted
out:
“What's up? What do you mean. Miss?
Get right back to your room, this minute.'*
Turning to Jeremiah, she said in the same
harsh voice: "She must have gotten out
of the window or. the balcony.”
rasping laugh prolonged for fully* a min
ute.
"It's a delusion, Jeremiah, a delusion!
hoarsely whispered Jerusha. "You are a
scholar—what's the remedy? Consult your
books! Run, man. run!”
"I rush!” and he flew to his study.
Hosanna dropped into a chair “Where’s
my white monkey. I say? Bring him to
mo on the instant—for I would w-e-d—.”
She rocked, she shook her head, she
'ookod wildly about.
Jerusha fell on her knees before Ho
sanna.
"Calm yourself, T implore you. daugh
ter, dear!- He’ll be here soon! He's com
ing!”
The giri clapped her hands in eestacy.
"Oh. I'm so—so glad—but I want him
now. right now.”
Jeremiah rusher} in, honk In hand. He
caught his breath as he said excitedly:
"The specialist on mind disease? says
here, ‘in cases of delusion the whim or
the victim must be humored, at once,
this being the only way to re-entlirone
the reason. Unless the whim is humored
promptly, the victim will grow rapidly
worse, and may become totally insane,
anil commit violent acts.’
“We must get a white monkey at
once! Telephone the park collection of
animals, instanter!” almost gasped Jeru
sha. »
liosanna. who had been staring at the
ceiling called in a shrill voice:
"Not a brown, black, nor spotted mon
key, but a pure white monkey shall be
mine!”
Jeremiaji shot into the hail and b'qgan
tc work the telephone.
“It’s the only chance to save her.” so
liloquized Jerusha, “and it must be done
before Spivins arrives. He will never
marry her in this condition.” She glanced
at the clock. "Gracious, .heaven! It is.6
o'clock and we must bring her around
l;y seven.” •
Jeremiah now rushed in and tumbling
his words one over the other, said fran
tically;
“Keeper says there's not a white mon
key in the collection—not one in all New
York—doubt if there’s one in Africa, or
India, South America, or the world!
What shall we do! What shall we do!”
and the old man sobbed aloud.
“My poor, poor child! I fear she's lost,
and Spivins will soon be here! Ah. a
bright idea strikes me. Why can't they
whitewash a black monkey! Telephone
again, Jeremiah!" was the brief behest
of* the resourceful Jerusha.
“Alas!” exclaimed Jeremiah, who looked
tlie picture of limp despair in his orim-
Jeremiah's reply was drowned in a shrill pled dressing gown, “the keeper says all
tho monkeys are locked up for the night
and cannot he let!”
“Civ
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The sum of $7,560 will be distributed be
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This is done to stimulate better cooking
In the family* kitchen. The contest is
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This remarkable contest among* cooks
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must show marked skill and betterment
in service to win. Great sums of money
devoted to such enterprises always result
in putting humanity further along on the
road to civilization, health, comfort and
happiness.
scream uttered by ihe girl, who, with eyes
still staring on the floor, followed it up
half singing in a strange, strident under
tone:
"He's not there! He's not there! ah.
me! I thought he was under the table!"
Then, sighing deeply, she went on:
"Oh! I can find no home for my heart
among human kind! Men and women are
all false and cruel! Only the animals- are
true! I must marry, fqr you know this
is my wedding day!” Looking down at
her dress, she twitched its folds with her
hand, then, uttering a queer little laugh,
she clapped her hands in childish glee.
"Alas! he’s not there! He's not there!
Let me see—let—me—see," and she peered
around the fallen table.
Her mother approached her. "What's
the matter, daughter? Are you ill?" Jere
miah w*as transfixed with amazed inter
est. Hosanna stared, vacantly, in the di
rection of Jerusha. "I’d choose a mon
key, a kind, true monkey for my bride
groom,” cried the girl. "He’ll not be
false like man! He’ll elope with me, and,
oh, how d-e-a-r-ly I’ll love him!” Her
father advanced tremblingly toward her:
“What is the matter, my dear daughter?
What do you wish, my dear?"
She stared wildly, at him.
“Leave me, unkind man!” she almost
shrieked, “I know you not! Get me alone!
I’ll have a monkey—yes, a pure, white
monkey, for my mate!” She clapped her
hands in rapture. “Oh, he’ll wed me—
and we'll be so—so—happy!”
"Her mind wanders!” groaned Jfere-
miah.
“She's losttoer reason!” moaned Jerusha.
“Hosanna—daughter—speak to me, child
—speak to your mother!” In tears, she
extended both hands.
Hosanna waved her away. “Who are
you?” staring into vacancy. "No—qh,
no—you are not a white monkey; I'll have
none of you! Let me alone. I say! I would
rest, for 1 am weary— a-weary!” and she
Sighed deeply.
“Great heavens! her mind’s gone!*’ ex
claimed Jeremiah in agony. “What shall
we do!"
"Get me a monkey!—a white monkey-
quick. I say, quick—I would wed a white
monkey, now—n-o-w!" The climax of
these broken setences was a queer, shrill,
me my monkey—mv pure, white,
beautiful monkey! Quick, T say!” and
Hosanna sprung straight up out of her
chair and clutched at tho air savagely.
“Where’s my monkey? Oh. where Is
he ?’ ’
"Merciful heavens! it's quarter past 6.
and Spivins will seen be due!” suppress-
edly screeched Jerusha.
"Oh, Gordy! say nothing of this to
Spivins!” groaned Jeremiah, wringing his
hands.
“Not for worlds!” groaned Jerusha, in
concert "Not—for—w-o-r-I-d-s!”
Hosanna was now gnashing her pretty
teeth, and looking fiercely front father to
mother.
“Where's my white monkey?” she de
manded with loud, maniacal . laughter.
“Give—h-i-m—to—m-e, or I—will k-i-l-1!”
she cried, ending with a smothered shriek,
in turn succeeded by a fiendish wail.
There was a loud ring of the door bell
In the hallway.
It startled the girl into silence.
“Heavens!' that must be Spjyins,” canto
in a swift stage whisper from Jerusha
“Stop hipt! Ytop him! He must not see
her thus! Any excuse will do—Run, man
—flj*! Say she's ill—too ill to see any
body!”
Jeremiah went by leaps irt . the hall—
and returned in about seven seconds. He
was followed b’.v a large, docile, white
monkey. The old parso-n was beside him
self with joy.
“It’s not Spivins!” he yelled with mad
delight, “Here's your monkey! Here’s
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your monkey! I met him in the hall l
met him in the hall!"
“Heaven has answered my praj'er. and
vouchsafed the animal back to us!” ex
claimed Jerusha, solemnly. “She is sav
ed—saved!”
Then the old lady went into hysterics.
”1 would, be willing for her to niarrj*
even a comedian to save her.” murmured
Jeremiah, In sacrificial tones; "and mon-
Keys are the comedians of the animal
kingdom!”
Then the old gentleman went into hys
terics.
Meantime. Hosanna and the monkey
stood together, the monkey on his hind
legs.
"Get's to church! Let’s to church!”
gayly cried the girl, he face radiant with
happy smiles, as she patted the monkey s
head. The animal wagged his tail, and
danced delightedly around her.
“No—you’ll do, old man!” looking at
Jeremiah. "Wed me, I pray you!” she
entreated.
"Do it. Jeremiah; do it!” implored
Jerusha.
“But would it be right to wed my
daughter to a monkey? Marriage, you
know, is a very sacred think.
-Why, certainly,” argued Jerusha. ‘No
harm can be done. Merely a mock m»r-
riage of a monkey and a maiden, lhis
marital absurdity will save our child
from a terrible fate, and then she’ll be
ready for Spivins at seven!"
"Yes,” replied Jeremiah, “then, with
returning reason, she will be read> foi
the real bridegroom.”
"Right, sir," said Hosanna, “after the
monkey comes Spivins."
Jeremiah faced the happy pair and
said. "I’ll do it.”
With great solemnity the old parson
performed the ceremony. He put the
usual question, first to Hosanna and then
to the monkey. After he had finished
questioning the bride and she had em
phatically answered in the affirmative,
he interrogated the monkey and when
Hosanna put her hand on the head of
the bridegroom and bowed it for him the
animal danced for joy on his hind feet,
wagging his tail most gleefully.
"Who giveth this woman away?” asked
Jeremiah.
“I give myself away, old man," replied
Hosanna with a bright smile.
"Join hands.”
Hosanna put her hand in the monkey’s
right paw.
”1 pronounce you monkey and wife,
and whom man hath joined together let
ro animal in the form of man or woman
put asunder!” said Jeremiah plax ing that
pant of the ceremony with appropriate
variations.
Jeremiah and Jerusha kissed the bride,
who in turn embraced them. They
grasped the bridegroom's paw cordially.
"My dear, dear parents!” exclaimed
Hosanna, completely restored.
"Saved!” said Jerusha.
"Saved!” said Jeremiah.
••Yes—saved!” shouted Jefferson Joree,
throwing off his monkey ^suit.
He embraced Hosanna, and they almost
exploded with laughter.
“Jefferson Joree!” exclaimed Jerusha.
"Jefferson Joree!" echoed Jeremiah.
They dropped into chairs, their faces
expressing mingled amazement and
chagrin as they glanced from the
couple to each other.
"You must humor the whim of the vic
tim. you know," laughed Hosanna mer
rily.
"That's so,” meekly confessed Jere
miah.
Hosanna repeated in masculine tones:
••I* would be willing for my daughter
to marry, even a comedian, to save her.
••Well, I’m saved,” she added in her
natural voice.
“Eh! Eh! I sea!” feebly ejaculated
Jeremiah.
"I swore not to elope and have kept
ir.> oath.” rejmarked Joree in triumph.
"Cheer up, dear parents, and thank the
Gods that you will not have a monkey
for a son in law!”
"No use talking, you’ve won the prize,”
said Jeremiah to Joree.
“That’s the way to pul it,” coincided
Jerusha. .,
“But how do you feel, Mr. Joree?
asked the parson.
wouldn't swap places with old Autumn
when all the green back of old Summer 3
leaves are turned to gold!”
“G-ood boy, clever chap—but how on
earth did you work up the plot?"
“Get me tell that.” put in Hosanna.
“On leaving the house today, instead of
getting to Gehenna, Jefferson simp!’-
olimbed the fire escape, and dropped full
written instructions in my window. Mon
keys. you know, are great climbers. Think
I'll make a star?" and she turned her
iovely eyes on Joree.
“My—a great one! for, while theres
methof in your madness, there's no mad
ness in your method!”
The lamentation of Jeremiah were now
happily over, and raising his hands he
murmured:
“Heaven bless you. my children!”
"But. say. Hosanna, I want to study
those ‘instructions.’ ”
“On one condition both of you shall
read them.”
“Name it.” chorussed the pair.
“That you say nothing of this to
Spivins.”
All hail the mighty monarch Gove!
Who rules from Court to Cage.
And with his happy hand writes—
The Fulpit and the Stage!
Yes. Cupid is King, and you can bet
That he beats old Darwin's hand.
For. out of a man. a monkey be makes.
And out of a monkey—a man!
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