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About Weekly constitutionalist. (Augusta, Ga.) 185?-1877 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 7, 1870)
She ttteckh) Constitutionalist. ' *7 BY STOCKTON i CO. OUR TERMS. The following are the rates of Subscription: Daily, one year.... $lO OC Weekly, one year $3 00 Mystic Writing. v [“ In these crypts we found many parch ments, dry, shrivelled and apparently unwrit ten. A sponge wet with dilute acid, passed over their surface, brought out beautifully il luminated writings, clear and fresh as when first penned. After a moment’s exposure to the air these faded and could not be reproduced in any manner; but any other characters traced uron the clean surface stood black and indeli ble.'’ —Middle Aye Monasteries. In a dim monastic ruin Whence I sought memorials old, From a marble vault belore me Many shrivelled parchments roiled, O’er their fresh unsullied surface, Yielding ’neath the cunning quill, Quaint and bright illumined letters Erst had traced their lines at will; And full many a throbbing temple, Sorrow-seared and restless brain, Shed the precious drops ol wisdom, Thought-distilled in prayer and pain. In these crypts to-day we find them, Messages from days of yore With the dust of buried ages » Cumulate in every pore And with bated breath unrolling, Show them empty to the sight, Till the life-renewing acid Sudden floods them o’er with light. Once again,—more bright and vivid Than when traced by hands long dead— Quaint and bright illumined letters O’er the empty surface spread For a moment, teaching nothing, Then, for evermore, they die While new letters traced upon it Living stand, indelibly. O’er that surface-fadeless ever— Write I now, with humbled mind. Words that closely unto reason Mystery and marvel blind Thanks 1 thou venerable scroll, Dying gift of monish art. For the lesson thou cans’t teach us Os the mystic human heart On its surface—yielding early To each impress soft and light shifting images of beanty Leave their gnarled tracery bright, Bat the dost of hourly ages, Sifting on them, day by day, Wears each quaint and brilliant tracing From the surface soft away. Hid mid echo-haunted arches, Memory’s crypts, these symbols lie, Till a deep and real emotion Stirs them.ii> its passing by. Clear and empty tho’ the surface To the sight unaided shows, ’Neath it still—a latent net work— Bright illumed tracery glows! Who may read it ? Who unravel Every gnarled and tangled thread, In those hidden crypts deep buried ’Neath a surface dry and dead ? Yet, if Sorrow’s mystic mordant— Aqid essence of the reel — O’er each tided tracery sprinkling. Memory’s hand shall gently steal— Lo 1 upon each vacant leaflet, Soiled and duety late to view, LambeA fines of mystic writing Shed illumined light anew 1 But how soon these freshened symbols, Memory’s etchings on the past, Fade away and die forever— Thougb-epbemera at last! Firmer, purer then the heart is Than in hot, unseasoned youth : On its tablets, Love or Manhood 1 Write undying words of truth 1 The Three Chairs. They sat alone by the bright wood fire, The gray haired dame and aged sire, Dreaming of days gone by; The tear drops fell on each wrinkled cheek, They both had thoughts they could not speak, And each heart uttered a sigh— For their Bad and tearlul eyes descried Three little chairs placed side by side Against the sitting-room wall; Old-fashioned enough as there they stood, Their seats of flag and their frames of wood, With their backs so straight and tall. Then the sire shook his silvery head, And with trembling voi-e he gently said : “ Mo.her, these empty chairs ! They bring us such sad, sad thoughts to-night, We’ll put tliem forever out of sight, In the small, dark room up stairs !” But 6he answered : “ Father, not yet; For I look At them, and I forget That the children were away. The boys come back, an t Mary, too. With her apron ©u, of checked blue, And sit here every day. « Johnny comes back from the billows deep, Willie wakes from his battle field s’eep, To say good-night to me; Mary’s a wile and a mother no more, But a tired child whose play-time is o’er, And comes to rest at my knee. « go let them stand there, though empty pow, And every time when alone we bow At the Father’s throne to pray, We’ll ask to meet the children above, In our Bavionr’s home of rest and love. Where no child goeth away.” Will o' the Witj> gives the following picture of Europe : Knssia covets, Turkey fears; Austria ponders, Italia cheers. Belgium— Holland, Wait in dread; Denmark’s palsied, Spain is dead. France lies bleeding, Prussia soars; Biitania shuts her eyes And —mores!! A Sigh. It was nothing hut a rose 1 gave her, Nothing but a rose, Any wind might rob of its savor, Any wind that blows. When she took It from my trembling finger; With a hand to chill— Ah, the flying touch upon them lirgtri, Stays, and thrills them atlll! Withered, faded, pie*»e. the pages, Crumpled fold on fold— Ooe# It lay open hraast, and age Cannot make It old I «—ii —"■■in ■ iMMi“iuxT*.-' < >ne hundred and fifty Immigrant* passed through Lynch burg, Vw , on Fridayi J9lli Inst., oil thu way to water Valley. Mississippi. It In hM fl 009 more at'” pooled from Hwltrarlaiid within the nest three mouth*, all of whom design locating at WaUr Valley The Davenport Brothers and Other Charlatans Exposed. Dr. E. V. Wright, of Pennsylvania, gave an exhibition in Baltimore the other day, during which the performances of the Davenport Brothers and other humbugs were unmasked. We quote from the Sun of the 23d: Dr. Wright, it Is known, traveled with the youth Gunnell, who exhibited his tricks in Baltimore and in many other cities, where, by dexterity and cleverness, he established himself firmly as a tip-top medium. In addition, the Doctor stated that he had closely followed np the Daven ports, Read and others, until he, a believer in them at first, became “convinced that they enjoyed the help of SDirits to perform their petty little tricks of tying and un tying cords, &c. He acknowledged that he had been somewhat mystified by some of the so-called “ physical phenomena ” of spiritualism he had witnessed, but he felt able now to convince his hearers that most all these seeming wonders are the works of the mediums themselves, and not of spirits. He did not wish to be understood as trying to throw obloquy upon' ffie honest belief in spiritualism of any man present, but to show that the tricks of the cheats who had set themselves np as mediums were hollow artifices and delusive, »whlch every man owed it to himself to discountenance. In doing this he did not attempt to discuss one single thought or idea in connection with the morality of spiritualism, or the merits of psychological investigations, although it was inferred from the tone of his remarks that he is a believer to some extent in spiritualism. His object through out appeared to be the defense of this incor poreal belief from the taint of the charla tans. To do this he proceeded to unmask their tricks, having first extemporized a screen by hanging an old shawl upon three chairs mounted on top of a piano. A table was placed near, furnished with ropes and cords for tying, and iron rings large enongh to slip easily on a man’s arm over the coat sleeve. Dr. Wright himself sat on a dais very slightly elevated above the floor, sur rounded by the company, very comforta bly and socially. The tricks of Frank Gnnnell were first exposed. Dr. Wright said the performances of this youth have been more astonishing here and in Wash ington than those of any other p rson, and his trick of the tied thumbs was consider ed specially wonderful and impressive with Bpirltnalists. A gentleman who had never seen the thumbs tied was called upon to do that work for Dr. Wright, and Mr. John Fox was named by the spectators. Mr. J. H. Weaver and Rev. L. M. Forbes served as superintendents to see that it was well done. They had seen all things of this kind before, and were no to snuff on the matter. Everybody saw the thumbs securely tied with a small cord drawn around each thumb, and then over be tween them, the ends looped and tied to the little finger of one of the hands. Dr. Wright darted behind his screen and in stantly back again with two iron rings on his arms, which, apparently, could not have gotten there unless the thumbs had been released, but he showed them both bound together as fast as at first. He then turned his back to the au dience, and in the time it took to wheel about had the rings spinning on the floor, the thumbs being again exhibited as tight ly tied together as ever. Exposition : Slip one thumb out of its loop by enlarging the other loop with all the slack of the first. This was demonstrated to be practicable, and the trick was done openly, to the sat isfaction of everybody. It was explained that the ends of the cord used for binding the thumbs were tied to the little finger to secure leverage. Any body seeing the trick done once could do it without paying fifty cents to be humbugged by spirits. All that is necessary is to get one thumb oat, and then you can take your coat off or vary the performance by a va riety of acts, all of which look wonderful; then put the thumb back into the loop, and rush out on the stage with a wild look, as though you had seen your grandmother’s ghost, and receive the applause of the spec tators. Dr. Wright was then tied with a rope ala Charles Reed—that is, both wrists were bound by what is known as the Har vard tie, so as to give a double loop to each wrist, the end of the rope being tied to the rouud of the chair. The tying was in spected and pronounced satisfactory. Ii seemed impossible that any one could get out of that scrape. The lights were put out, and when, restored, lo the captive was unbound! It took him longer than it should have done to release himself, but that was afterwards explained, the cause being the extreme tightness of the binding. Dr. Wright was understood to say that he could bind a man so securely that not even the most adventurous spirits would attempt to unbind without using their teeth In these Illustrations he exposed only the tricks of the people he had seen and their manner of doing them, while claiming supernatural agencies in the work. Next he took off his coat, which was sent by a kick out among the spectators iust as the gas was lit, and the doctor sat in hi 9 shirt sleeves, bound as securely as ever-'the lights were pot out once more, and afterwards a tumbler of water which had before been sitting near by on a table was revealed upon the head ol the demon strator. “Spirits put it there,” say the charlatans. “I put it there, ’’ says Dr. Wright. Numerous other illustrations were given with the hands bound ■ nd tied down to the chair in this way, and finally the exposition, nenrlv in the same terms as in the case of the thumb*. All the slack of the binding of onewrlat is added t. that of the other ■ so as to permit of the withdrawal of one hand That being achieved, everythin:: else is as easv as eating; but In order to accomplish this feat the ends of the rope must lie tied to the legs or rounds, so as to afford the necessary leverage. If the spirits really untied the hands It would not be necessary to seeure the ends of the rope In this way, a thing always In •Utcd upon by the pretended medium**, under pretense of securing themselves more tlghtfy than If the hand* were Umplybound and sufftred to rest on tho lap. Hr. Wright drawn ami re|HaMd a* ensile a. natUM on and "IT all old U>lf gloves, by MOB* ..inlzltig the and 'll* Isveraa* I atbrdsa by tying ib« rope «Bdl U» U* chair i found*. AUGUbFA, GA., WEDNESDAY MOKNING, ftS¥i3MDfifl WTIB7O. The Emmerson trick was next exposed. The Doctor retired behind his screen, tied himself up with a whole clothes line, tied his legs, tied his hands, tied his body to a chair so that he could do nothing but sit, and then called for someone to help him on the stage. The key to the trick was in the wrists and the slack, the same principle as before illustrated, the legs drawn up or stretched out, affording more or less lever age, and making the wrist loops appear mo; e or less tightly drawn. These principles underlie the Davenport brothers’ tricks in the cabinet; they under lie the guitar and music in the air business. In all cases the medium frees himself, and then he can perform any trick on the stage The guitar, daubed with phosphorus, is sent flying about over the heads of the audience, and drawn back to the medium by an elastic cord, like a boy’s return ball; the position of his feet, marked on paper to detect any movement, is assured by the use of a little paste on the soles of his shoes.— The lecturer, in conclusion, showed up the whole medium business as a humbug of the first water, and entertained the com pany gathered to see his illustrations for over three hours, and finally sent them away well pleased with the entertainment, except a few who still shook their wise heads and doubted. Confessions of a Patent Medicine Man. From Ralph Keeler’s “Confessions of a Patent Medicine Man,” in the December number of the Atlantic Monthly, we mane this extract: My corn salve was made of potash and gmn arabic. It would do its work in five minutes, but of course it made the foot out rageously sore afterward. This was a mat ter of very little inconvenience to me, be cause my business required me to be mov ing continually from place to place. I al ways managed to get out of town on the flood tide of my reputation as an effective chiropodist. It will be easily believed that I did not acquire my skill and self-reliance as an operator all at once. My corn salve giew in my confidence from the feet it fed on. Yon think that is a queer expression ? Yon cannot, then, be aware of the corrosive nature of potash. Well, sir, experience and special knowledge are everything in one’s business. I will confess that I was nervous before my first patient. The salve had never been tried, and a friend told me I had better not try it. But my subject was a good one, and rather an anomaly, too, in life. I think yon hardly ever heard before of a poor shoemaker with corns. That de scribes my first patient. I mustered np conrage at last, and flourished an old razor at him with quite a professional air for a youth of sixteen. The job was not as neat a one as I learned to do afterward, bat stilt it gave temporary satisfaction ; and I sold that shoemaker two boxes of «»« salve. Analhns I went about over a wide ex tent of territory, leaving I know not what number of sore feet behind me. I have no better idea how much more pedal distress I might have worked on a credulous com munity had It not been for an acclden* which, at the end of a couple of years, over took me in my career. I had left a great quantity of my salve and lozenges stowed away in a town which I was then making my headquarters. They were carefully packed, I remember, in neat paper boxes. On my return, after an unusually long trip, I found that the infernal potash had eaten up the paper boxes, and, making its devour ing way to my congh-lozenges, had involved ray whole stock in one agglomerate mass of ruin. Out of mv temporary despair.,however, sprang a lucky Inspiration. You have doubtless heard much of the happy elas ticity of youth. There is, I grant, some thing available in that, but I found some thing a great deal better for my business in the rapid growth and physical changes of that period of my life. Tfie fact is, 1 had grown and altered so in appearance since 1 had first started out with my corn salve that at the time of this appalling ac cident no one of my first patients would have recognized me from a mere surgical acquaintance of two years before. 1 may say here, in fact, that these repeated changes in my physical appearance, aided by the cropping of my hair, or the aban doning of it to excessive length, and at last by the coming of my beard, were all through my early experiences of untold ad vantage to me. Thus, in the course of time, 1 became personally acquainted with all the people who could be duped in a given region of country, and with every new project or nos! rum I returned unre cognized to them over and over ago. Now, out of the potashes of the agglomerate ruin of my entire stock in trade sprang, Phoenix like, a lucky inspiration, as I have before said, without the present indifferent joke, which is altogether accidental. While contemplating my irrevocable loss, I con ceived the Idea of a patent pain killer, which I would go about selling to cure the sores left by my corn salve. Asa general thing, money, or I should say, the want of it, gets the immortal work out of first-class brains. I read the sub stance of that remark in a newspaper; or was it a magazine? It doesn’t matter; I believe it, and I verified it in the produc tion of that pain killer; that’s enough.— Well, sir, the project worked to a charm. I commenced operations, of course, in almost the exact traces of my former chiropodal exploits. It was not long, therefore, till I came upon my first patient, the shoemaker. I cautiously to extol the stomachic virtues of my medicine, and gradually led up to its external application. It was good, j I assured him, for bruises, sprains—still | keeping mv eye stealthily on his, from under; my hat, to catch any faint gleam of recogni-. tion—bruises, sprains, wounds, sores— “On the feet?” asked he, interrupting me : •in mv catalogue of positive cures. “Certainly; better for the feet than tor' a °“ Welf fhavc sore feet, and that’s the I fact" said the shoemaker. “ You see I there was a rogue of a fellow around here, a couple of yeirs ago, curing earns, am | he made my feet so— ls I ever catch the villain I’ll use a Mtrap on h’.m ; that * wuat 1! I now felt sure, I need scarcely add, that my former patient did not recognize me, and so I sold him two bottle, of pain killer to core tho sores l had made two vtaia I k’lt'wa* not, perhaps, a remarkable fact that my p»ln killer went f..at.j r than my pain maker, thsorn salve. I did a thriv Ina business in lUls-sp thriving, l»d«d, , that l giadually * "ft* I with lh* Intervening time between the MM of the latter and former articles. That is, my earlier traces became so recent that my disguise grew perilous. But there was such a demand for the pain killer that I went on, notwithstanding the danger. One day, however, I encountered a Bturdy young fellow, upon whose feet I had ope rated not very long before. In his eager ness for relief, he was In the act of pur chasing it at my hands, when, suddenly recognizing me, he changed his mind, and gave me a sound thrashing instead. That put an end to the pain killer busi ness. I returned considerably bru'sed to my headquarters, and set all my energies to work on the invention of something less perilous to others as well as myseif. I may say here that I always kept the little town which I have called my headquarters open to me as an asylum, by leaving it and its immediate neighborhood free from all my medical and surgical experiments. The result of mv arduous creative thought cul minated this time in a paste to make old razor strops new. It professed to do its re juvenating work by a simple application ; yet it did not sell very well. From the very nature of things, I did not have the credulous woman-half of the world to work upon; they had little or no interest in superanuated razor strops. It was this consideration more than any other, I think, which inspired me with the brilliant after thought of changing the name of my paste to that of a healing salve. Thus the same article became at once endowed with uni versal curative virtues, and became also the professed desideratum of all human na ture. I suppose it would not be modest in me to say that my salve was too good for its original purpose. It is at least true that, if it failed upon razor strops, it suc ceeded admirably upon mankind. You will hardly believe me when I tell yon, but still it is also true, that by means of an incipient beard and my hair grown long, and of a broad-brimmed slouch hat as a disguise, I sold a box of my celebrated healing salve to that same Innocent shoe maker who has already twice figured as my customer. Owing to my pain killer, or the recuperative nature of his healthy frame, his feet were about well; and lam glad to add that there was nothing in my healing salve that would materially pre vent his ultimate recovery. [From tho Missouri Republican. The British Commander in Chief. Lieutenant General Robert Napier, Lord Napier of Magdala, who has been appointed commander-ln-chlef of the British army, was born on the Island of Ceylon In 1810, and educated at the military college of Addiscombe, England. He entered the corps of Bengrl engineers in 1886, served with distinction through the Sntlej cam paign, and having attained the rank of La wrooco to the responsible post or engi neer to the Durbar of Lahore. He was thus enabled to acquire that particular kno a ledge of ‘he Punjauband its resources so essential to the development of the lat ter should the current of events necessitate such an undertaking by the Indian govern ment. He was constantly referred to when Moolraj rebelled, an all questions connected with the reduction of Mooltan, at the siege of which he was present as senior engineer. At the fall of that place, he accompanied General Wish’s force to the fords of the Chenaub, where, after a junction with the main army under Lord Gough, he served as one of Sir John Cheape’s “ right hand men” at the battle of Goojerat. He was promoted to the rank of colonel, and made chief engineer under the new Punjiub ad ministration. This position enabled him to carry out his long-cherished plans for converlng that almost trackless country with arteries of military and commer cial highways; also to construct a system of canals intended to fertilize the arid Dooab, and eventually to erect numerous public buildings, barracks, &c., requisite to the efficient administra liop of the province. lie was engaged In the discharge of those duties for several years, until summoned to Calcutta as Chief Engineer of B ngal. During the great mutiny of 1857, he served anvChief Engineer on the staff of Sir Colin Campbell, and the part he played in the suppression of the rebellion added much to his reputation. It was he who, -t the siege of Lucknow, planne 1 the bridging of the Goomtee river, which contributed largely to the overthrow of the enemy. He served under Sir Hugh Rose in the campaign against the Tantla Topee rebels, and afterward in China as second in command, under Sir Hope Grant. For his services in the latter capacity he was made a Major Getferal and K. C. B, aud appointed successor of the late Sir James Outran), as military member of the Conncil of India. He resigned this post In 1865, when he was nominated to succeed Sir W. Mansfield, as Commander-in-Chti f at Bombay, with the local rank of L'eu ten ant General. In 1869 he commanded the exp dltlon to rescue the Abyssinian cap tives, and for his decisive success in the campaign which followed, was elevated to the peerage as Lord Napier of Magdala. Bankrupt Peeks. —The English jour nals are commenting upon the fact that four Peers of Parliament—to wit: the Duke of Newcastle, the Earl of Westmoreland, the Earl of Winchelsea and Baron De Mauley —are all wiping out their debts by taking advantage of the bankrupt 1 iw. This Sum mer the House of Lords decided that a Peer, when Insolvent, could b: forced to pay his debts by the process of bankruptcy, and the impatient creditors of extravagant noble men have commenced proceedings against their reckless debtors. The amount of the pecuniary obligations of these spendthrift Peers is not stated, but it appears that the debts of Baron Da Mau'ey reach the sum of $1,000,000, and the liabilities of the Duke of Newcastle to $650,000, with an offer of paying twenty-five per cent, for a release In Anil. The unfortunate position of these Peers has raised the qaestlon whether bank rupts should remain members of the House of Lords and judicial members of the Supreme Court of Appeal of Great Britain. A Youro Hespekaiio.— The New York papers report the case of a yon h named Thomas Porter, aged 16, who was arrested In that city on Thursday last, charged with shooting, on the 9th of July last, Henry JeolZ, keeper of a liter beer siloon on Tenth avenue. Porter, during the past month, iiat ait muted to murder no less than seven persona. H<> was committed I Air trial* Hints to Farmers. BY THE “FAT CONTRIBUTOR.” Now that Winter is approaching, it would perhaps be as well to discontinue having, and turn your attention to getting in your saw-logs. No farmer can consider his Fall work complete until he has his cellar well supplied with saw-logs. Seated around the blazing hearth of a Winter’s night, there is no fruit more delicious. A correspondent asks us what we think of late plowing. Plowing should not be con tinued later than 10 or 11 o’clock at night. It gets the horses in the habit of staying out late, and nnduly exposes the plow.— We have known plows to acquire string halt and inflammatory rheumatism from late plowing. Don’t do it. To another correspondent who wants us to suggest a good drain on a farm, we would say a heavy mortgage at ten per cent, will drain it about as rapidly as anything we know of. When you make cider select nothing but the soundest turnips, chopping them into sled length before cradling them. In boil ing your cider use p’enty of ice, and when boiling hang it up in the sun to dry. A pick-axe should never be used in picking apples. It has a tendency to break down the vines and damage the hive. In sowing your Winter applejack a horse-rake wtll be found preferable to a step-ladder. (Step-ladders are liable to freeze up, and are hardly palatable unless boiled with sugar. In cutting down hemlock trees for can ning select only the largest. Don’t throw away the chips, as they make fine parlor ornaments, encased in rustic frames of salt and vinegar. The coming cold weather should suggest to the humane farmer the necessity for a good cow-shed. The following is a receipt for making a good cow-shed: Pour a pail ful of boiling water on her back, and if that don’t make a good cow-shed—her hair, we are no prophet to anybody. Now is the time for planting your winter hay. The pink-eyed Southdown is probably- the best variety, as it don’t need poling and begins to lay early. Starvation in Paris—Eating a Me nagerie.—No more startling presage of the famine which threatens Paris could be furnished than the London telegram of the 12tb, which announced that the Parisians began on the 7th instant to slaughter and eat the flesh of the different animals In the Jardln des Plantes. It was added that "the meat rates high in the market. Yak sold at thirty francs per pound. The monkeys were to be killed and eaten during the next ensuing week.” Long before the war, sci entific men In Paris had partially succeeded in popularizing horse meat as an article of lng yak, or anything else to be found at Paris only in fcbt menagerie of the Jardln des Plantes. This menagerie is Indeed abundantly supplied with animals. It is one of the most extensive in the world. Established in 1794, it has become an im portant addition to the attractions of the Garden, which Itself dates from the reign of Louis XIII. The various compartments of the menagerie are enclosed by Iron rail ings. Noah’s ark could not have been more crowded with ani nal and reptile life. Here are all kinds of poultry, geese and swans -, crocodiles, alligators, lizards, boa constrictors, buffaloes, lions, bears, ele phants, camels, camelopards, hy«n«e, pan thers, Bencal tigers and innumerable mon keys. In the good old days of peace the visitor was directed to apply to M. le Di recteur du Jardin des Plantes for a ticket to witness the feeding of the animals ; but now that dire war lias induced the Paris ians to feed upon them, a differently word ed ticket will be required. No doubt Parisian cookery will b • equal to the emer trcucie*. but the Parisian restaurants will new! new and strange bills of fare. \Neio York Herald. Divorce Day.—The Bth of November was a memorable day in the Cincinnati courts—it was “ Divorce Day.” The scene Is thus described: In the Common Pleas Court, on Tues day, the divorce docke*, comprising up wards of sixty cases, was called. At 9 o’clock the court room was nearly filled with women of various degrees of social position, of ail ages and nations, except the " heathen Chinee,” seeking judicial re lief for their many grievances—neglect, desertion, cruelty and infidelity being among ttie principal charges made by the “ better halves” against their lords. The nnraber present was swelled enor mously by the (act that every woman who had filed a petition brought on an average three of her sex along for witnesses. Many, too, brought their babies along, furnishing the music for the occasion gratis. In a few cases th3 husbands were plaintiffs. It appeared to be a general reckoning day all round for the violators of the matrimonial contract. The only cases called were those in which no answers had been filed to the petitions, leaving the Immense ma jority of case to be hereafter disposed of. Under the French Empire the Zouaves were the idols of the army and the people, but the Breton Mobiles have taken their place in the popular esteem under the Re public, and are cow regarded as the “ crack” corps. They are at present stationed in large numbers outside the walls of Paris, and it is sahl that they entertain the most profound contempt for the 300, GOO National Guards wl'hln the capit.il, whoareexposed to no actual danger, but live in compara tive comfort, instead of “ roughing it” under Prussian fire every day. These Mobiles are brave religious peasants from Brittany, who fight for France, but at heart dislike the present Par s Government. Jim Fisk propose* to appear In anew role next season, as manager of a profess ional base ball nine, with which be is going to “ knock spots" oat of the Mutuals and other big clubs. In the United Htate* Just now there ere 27 young women studying theo'ogy. with a view to becoming preachers; 19 are studying law, and 07 are studying medi cine. The German organ at tho Free Masons, thu Hunhutte, states that the collections of the English lodges for the families of 44er-1 man soldiers lo lit© field have reached | $1150,000. | VOL. 29. NO^ [From the Buffalo Express A Humorous View oMhe Fanners’ Chib. MARK TWAIN'S RETORT OF THE PROCEED INGS. Ex-Constable Quinn desired the Club to inform him how to make hogs root. -- Dr. Slow had been a practical farmer for the last six weeks, and in all the varied agricultural experience no such article as hog’s-root had ever come under his notice. What was it? Was it edible ? Was useful in any way, or was it, as he more than suspected, another worthless humbug devised by the sharpers to defraud us prac tical farmers ? He knew not whether it was propagated by seeds or by cuttings, but he would advise Mr. Quinn to be shy of hog’s root, especially if it was a new-fanglcff or high-priced tuber. Mr. Maker, the agricultural writer, ex plained the anatomy of the hog’s proboscis. It is designed ‘for subterranean .foraging, by a process vulgarly called rooting, to which Mr. Quinn’s inquiry probably re ferred. Being a delicate organ, It Is liable to Injury. He would recommend that'Mr. Quinn wipe bis hog’s nose. If he finds it red, he may be sure it is tender and needs protection by a metallic shield. Some' re sort t > the strategic' device of inserting a wire ring In the hou’s nose, in his efforts fw remove which he would naturally thrust his snout iii-p the soil, apd thus root uu wittiugiy. That was pDying it rather low. on the hog, and the metallic shield was preferable on the score of fair dealing and philanthropy. Mr. Greeley exhibited a pumpkin of tus own raising. As it embodied his solitary and crowing success, after several years df discouraging failure in pumpkin culture, the club surrounded it with uncovered heads and mfngled emotions of sorprlse, admiration and envy. It was a superb fruit, and when Mr. G.*9 hat was placed On it, to illustrate Its size and symmetry, the hat and pumpkin seemed sb perfectly adapted to each other, and together pro duced an effect so startling, that several enthusiastic members swore they would have known who raised that putopkM if they bad seen it anywhere. It Is to be pnotograpbed by Gurney, and next year’s Tribune subscribers will receive copies. The pumpkin was the flattering product 'Of one bushel of seed planted on the farm in Champagne. Soon after blossoming the vine manifested, an inclination to wither. It was thereupon transplanted to a large flower pot and removed to the town resi dence of its founder. For some time it pined and drooped, and they sat up nights • with it, expecting that every moment would be its last, but every moment turn ed dpt not to be its last, and with careful finally rallied and came up to 1 maturity, as cherished and tough a pump kin as ever grew. oix.iiNHaticiß hUfKßcßMfti umii —vynj —r suit of Mr. G.’s indomitable struggle with this pumpkin showed how every city family could provide Itself With papipklo pie. He hoped to see the day when every window sill in every city would be adorned with fructifying pumpkin pots, and every work man's cottage embowered in pumpkin vines. Thos Do-ld, of New Hampshire, writes to the club that he is fifty years old, infirm with consumption, has a large family, ten dollars in money, and wants to know what to do. Mr. Mocker—Go out to Greeley Colony and Invest In our irrigating ditch. Mr. Layman—Buy a, Texas ranche or a Florida orau-.c g*ove. Dr. Slimble—His health requires light farming in a bracing climate. Let him start an Indlaro plantation in Alaska. Mr. Greeley— He mustn’t come to New York. His $lO wouldn’t last a year ; but out West he can Invest it and grow up with the country. If I had gone West with $lO at Ms age, I should be a happy man now, with two salts Os respectable garments, an < fflee, and a conscience guilt less of distracting tariff and farming essays. Mr. Herrings Invited the club to visit his farm, 80 miles up the river, - next Wednesday, and inspect a horse radish that he had persuaded to vegetate. The ground was tilled, suhsoiled and top-dress ed. He had expended upon that plant only half a ton of bone dust, one cart load of ashes and a barrel of guano; yet, in spite of his neglect, It had within a year grown to the size of his little finger. His foreman would explain to the clerk the peculiar difficulty In raising this rare ex otic. He would treat the club to a regular farmer’s dinner, the materials for which he had already engaged at the city markets. The club accepted and adjourned. Another Dodge of th® Whisky Ring. —A Western paper gives currency to a report that the “ whisky ring ” will combine this Winter to induce Congress to raise the tax from 50 cents to $1 per gal lon. The stills have been kept running constantly for months, and there is an im mense stock on hand, on which the profit would be enormous if the tax was increased. When will the country be relieved of the operations of the mammoth combination known as the “ whisky ring ?" Beet Sugar.—The New York Tribune has an article on “ the successful culture of beet sugar,” from which we learn that the first yield of sugar (from Chatworth.Uls.J has been placed upon the Chicago market, without brand, that it might thus secure an Impartial test. It was pronounced by the best experts of the city A 1 New York sugar, and readily brought the price of that article. An Ohio man dreamed that he was coon hunting aud didn’t wake up until he had broken the baby’s head with a bed post. Several wagons filled with emigrants from North Caroliua, en route to Texas, passed through Knoxville on the 4tb In stant. A New England court decision goes to show that a bummer Is a man who will not pay bis taxes, aud stands on the sidewalk aud spits. The Boston Poll wants Greeley to rent the Mammoth Cave. “By subsoil plowing It might bo made a fine opening lor straw berries.” " What I tlnay again?” said a wife to her husband. “No, my dear,” said he, “not tljNiy, but a little slippery. Tho diet Is, somebody has been rubbing my boots till they are as smooth as glass.” •,». Mr. Leonard Greer, an aged ol thorn of Mouroe county, died on Wednesday,
