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SOUTHERN METHODIST CHURCH*
North Georgia Conference Pro
ceedings.
[Correspondence of the Constitutionalist.]
Griffis, Ga., December 1, 1875.
The North Georgia Conference of the
Methodist Episcopal Church South met
in Griffin this morning and began its
session promptly at 9 a. m.
Rev. Bishop John Christian Keener,
the presiding officer, opened the Con
ference with the usual religious ser
vices.
The roll call, as well as the large
numbers seated in the church where
the conference is held, shows a full at
tendance. The body consists of about
one hundred and fifty preachers and
fifty laymen. They are also many
visitors. Griffin is trying faithfully and
bountifully to entertain the large as
sembly, but doubtless finds some diffi
culty in doing so.
The ministers of the Augusta Dis
trict are nearly all present. The lay
members from this district reported
present are Wm, C. Derry, of Augusta,
Elam Christian and Thomas F. Newell,
of Sparta.
Rev. John W. Heidt.the Secretary for
many years, was unanimously re-elect
ed. The following members were elect
ed his assistants: J. H. Baxter, Josiah
Lewis, Thomas Seals and W. P. Love
joy-
The Bishop made a brief address to
the conference. He mentioned the
gratifying prosperity which had at
tended the labors of the church every
where during the past year. Many had
been converted and added to the
church. During the past year many
new and some elegant church buildings
had been built. The magnificent gift
of SOOO,OOO, to found the Vanderbilt
University, calls for thankfulness to
God, who, in answer to the prayers of
his people, moved a man to make this
generous donation.
The country as such seems to be suf
fering from many causes of depression,
but this state of things is not neces
sarily hurtful to the church. He stated
further that the mission fields of the
Southern Methodist church had broad
ened and the liberality had increased.
Not only in China and among the In
dians but also in Mexico an 1 South
America missions have been estab
lished.
A committee to nominate members
of Standing Committees was appointed
consisting of the presiding elders, and
also a special Committee on Condition
of Church Buildings. Joseph S. Stewart,
of Atlanta was elected Assistant Trea
surer of the Board of Domestic Mis
sions.
Judge McCutchen, a lay delegate
from Dalton District, was appointed on
the Committee on Education.
The names of the superannuated
preachers were called, and their char
acters passed. These are, Jesse W.
Carroll, Robert A. Conner, Henry Craw
ford, Andrew J. Deavors, John M.
Bright, James M. Armstrong, John P.
Duncan, M. V. Hamby, Samuel J. Bel
lah, John B. C. Quillian, Morgan
Bellah.
These are old and worn-out preachers,
and their characters were closely ex
amined, and their circumstances in
quired into. R.
The Cadaver Business.
[lndianapolis Herald.]
A man employed to watch the medi
cal in this city gives the fol
lowing account of one night’s experi
ence :
“ I kept up a brisk walk along the
west side of the building, knowing
that was the only possible way to
crowd them in, although I occasionally
varied my beat by going round on the
other side of the block, passing both
stairways. In the early part of the
evening I met and passed a good many
pedestrians—-men of rough appear
ance—who went through the alley in a
leisurely way, as if bent more on Ailing
in time than anything else. As the
ghostly hour drew near 1 saw fewer of
these rough prowlers, and finally found
myself the sole wanderer in the alley.
A little before midnight a light-covered
buggy turned in from the street.
I was quite near it, and by the
light of the street lamp I saw
it contained two men. The one
on the right of me was driving
and chatting volubly to his companion,
who in turn responded in a different
and somewhat coarser voice. Very
good friends they seemed to be, and
very civil, I thought. Os curse, they
could have no “subject” concealed in
that little buggy that was scarcely
large enough to hold themselves. They
stopped suddenly, the driver speaking
the word, “whoa!” in an unusually
loud tone of voice. I was close behind
them, and saw a rope drop down from
the upper regions very unexpectedly to
me, but not to the soft voiced gentle
man on the right side of the buggy.
He caught the end of it, and in an in
stant of time hooked it fast to his
friend on the left, and up he went,
while the chatty driver drove off alone.
Sure enough, the second man was an
uncommunicative "stiff,” and I had
been a consummate fool not to think of
it sooner. He went up in less than five
seconds, and was snatched in at an
upper window in a twinkling. That
driver was a clever scoundrel, with con
siderable talent for ventriloquism.
He Felt Easy. —Yesterday forenoon
a Vicksburg boy entered the shop
where his father works and excitedly
announced :
“Oh, pa! ma’s awful sick!”
“What’s the matter?” asked the
father.
“Oh, she’s awful white, and she’s
shaking all over, and there’s lots of
women in there, and they say she’s
going to die!”
“Can she talk yet!” inquired the
father, as he rolled down his sleeves.
“Yes.”
“Well, we’ll take it kind o’ slow, then,
going home!” said the relieved man.—
Vicksburg Herald.
When a man in the act of showing off
a thoroughbred mule to a party of ad
miring friends, is persuaded by the
sudden movement of the animal’s hind
legs to describe a series of somersaults
through the air, it is always a subject
of lively interest to the spectator how
he will avoid the absurdity of landing
on his head.
ONE RIGHT OF A WIFE.
“John,” said I, one night, to my hus
band, as I put my basket of 6ewing
away preparatory to retiring, “John,
as you go down, to-morrow morning, I
wish you would stop at Mrs. West’s
door and leave her $5 from me.”
“Five dollars 1” and my lord looked
up quite astonished. “For what ?”
“Why, she is collecting money to aid
that society she is secretary of, and as
I always felt interested in it, I told her
I would give her $5.”
I said this with quite a show of as
surance, though I really felt quite
uneasy as to the reception of my re
quest, for John is rather notional in
some of his ways; however, I had
been cogitating some matters, lately,
in my own mind, and determined to
make a bold stand.
“Well, Sarah,” at length came the
reply, “you need net count on my
doing any such thing. I don’t approve
of that society at at all, and not one
cent of my money shall go to help it.”
“I give it out erf my money,” said I,
growing bolder; “I only ask you to
leave it at her door for me.”
“Your money ! What do you mean?”
“I mean what I say—my money.
Have I no right to spend money as
well as you? I don’t approve of the
Masons, but that does not hinder you
from spending money and time for
them as much as you have a mind.”
John looked at me quite amazed at
my sudden outbreak. You see, I had
always been the most amiable of wives.
Then he broke out quite triumphantly.
“Come, now who earns the money that
maintains this family?”
• “You aud I together,” said I.
“Together. Well, I should like to
see the first cent you have earned in the
seven years we have been married.
Together! Well, I call that pretty
rich.”
My spirits were visibly declining
under his ridicule, but I kept on as
boldly as I could.
“When we were married you thought,
or pretended to think, yourself very
happy in assuming the care of board
aud wardrobe. I didn’t ask it of you.
You asked me to be your wife, know
ing well all that meant.”
“As nearly as I remember,” inter
rupted John, “you were mighty ready
to accept me.”
“Granted—to save argument,” said
I, coloring.
“Well, we stood up in church togeth
er, and you promised to love, cherish,
etc., and so did I.”
“And obey, too,” said I, “but you, in
return endowed me with all your world
ly goods, and the minister pronounced
us man and wife; and so we have
lived.”
“Yes,” said John complacently; “and
as I look back over the time, I think I
have done what I agreed, and made a
pretty good husband, I really think
you ought to be thankful when you
see how some wives live.”
“Well,” said I, “I think I have been
a domestic, prudent wife, and I don’t
feel one atom more of gratitude to you
for being a decent husband than you
ought to feel to me for being a decent
wife. Is it any more merit that you
keep your marriage promise than that
I keep mine.?”
“Sarah, you positively are very acri
monious to-night. Don’t you think we
had better go to bed?”
“No, sir. Well, meantime, we have
laid by money enough to buy this
house and still have some in the bank.”
“Thanks to my hard work !” chimed
in John.
“More thanks,” said I, “to the perfect
good health we have always had. We
made all those promises for better or
for worse. Now, it has been better
with us all the time. Had you been
sick or honest misfortune befallen you,
I should have managed some way to
reduce our expenses so that you would
feel the burden as light as might be.
Had I been sick, more care would have
fallen on you. But we helped each
other save, and now I claim an equal
right with you in spending money.”
“Whew. Why, that is treason. But
go on.”
“If we occupied the respective po
sitions of superior and subordinate, I
should do what I do for you for a fixed
stipend, and no questions should be
asked as to the use made of it. Being
equals, I will not ask compensation as
a servant; but because the contract
we have made is lifelong and not easily
broken, I do not therefore call it very
magnanimous in a prosperous man to
accept these services and render in
turn only my board and the least
amount that will creditably clothe me.”
You see I was growing irate. John’s
temper, too, was evidently on the rise.
“What do you mean by services?
Housework? lam sure a home is as
much for your satisfaction as for mine;
and I am sure the tailor does not
leave much of my sewing for you
to do.”
“I don’t complain of housework nor
of doing your sewing, but I do think
the burden of little Johnny has fallen
on me.”
“It strikes me,” said he, with a pro
voking complacency of tone, “that
if you earned his living you would have
less to say about the burden falling on
you.”
“John,” said I, “answer me hon
estly. Do you work any harder or any
longer now than you did before he was
born?”
“I don’t know as I do,” said he; “I
always worked hard enough.”
“Weil, and so do I. But now as to
Johnny. I presume you will allow
yourself half owner of him, as the law
allows you entire control over him.
How much do you do for him?”
“I maintain him. I do my part.”
“ No, John, you are wrong; you don’t
do your part. From the first, you
never have. Did not weary months go
by in which you bore no part whatever
of the burden ? ”
“ Well, that is curious complaining;
what would you have me do ? ”
“ You might have got a servant, in
stead of letting all the housework fall
on me; or you might have kept a horse
so that I could ride out and enjoy fine
i weather; but that is all past now.”
“ I should say that it cost me enough
| for the doctor, nurse, etc., without
I talking about keeping a horse.”
“ True, it cost enough; but I am
talking about the' division of the bur
| den. Was the part you bore in the
payment of those bills equal to my
partin the matter? Would you have
taken my place for that money if it
were to have been paid to you, instead
of those who cared for you ? I think
not.”
“Didn’t I have all his clothes to
buy ?”
“No, sir. I went without new clothes
of any sort for a season, and the money
saved from my wardrobe supplied all
that was needed; and I might add that
all his other clothes have been got in
the same way.”
“Well, really, I had no idea how
much of a martyr you were. Next you
will be clothing me in the same way.
How thankful I ought to be for so cal
culating a wife!”
"Now, in these two years,” said I,
continuing in the face of his sneer, “all
the Care and confinement consequent
on attending the child have fallen on
me. I have managed some way to ac
complish my housework and sewing as
I used. I can hardly think how it has
been done. Did it ever occur to you to
think how many times I have been to
church since he was born ?”
“You wouldn’t expect a man to take
care of a baby, would you ? That isn’t
a man’s work.”
“Isn’t it?” said I bitterly; “then I
wouldn’t have a baby. I have been to
church just four times, and then some
visitor had stayed with Johnnie. How
many times did you ever get up in the
night to soothe him when he has been
sick and fretful?”
“How do you suppose,” said he, “I
could work by day if I didn’t get my
night’s sleep.”
“Just the same way that I do when
my night is broken, exactly.”
“Well, Sarah, what is the drift of all
this talk, anyway? for I don’t see any
use in prolonging it.”
“Well, then it is my original state
ment—that as I did my part, of the
family labor pnd took all the care of
Johnny, and you are a man in prosper
ous circumstances, I am entitled to as
much money for that as if I were em
ployed aud paid by the month for the
same work and I have a right to spend
money for things that don’t suit you, if
I please to do so; and I may add,” I
said, with a sudden vehemence, “that
it is mean and contemptible in you to
try to oppose or forbid my doing so.”
John said no more. I saw by the
look in his eyes that he was quite
angry, and so was I. That was the
first time in our married life"that we
failed to kiss each other good-night.
Indeed, I felt guilty, though I hardly
know why, but it was late before I fell
asleep.
The next morning all was serene.
No trace remained of the evening’s
storm, but nothing was said about the
obnoxious subscriptions. Next day I
met Mrs. West, and she thanked me
very much for doubling my money.
Dear John ! He din’t mean to be un
kind, but he had never stopped to
think about such things. When his
next settlement came, and he slipped a
S2O bill into my hand and said, “That
is for your private purse,” I really
thought he was the best husband in
the world.
Her Three Beaux,
IToronto Globe.]
A good-looking servant girl of Win
nipeg had three beaux to her string,
viz: A military man, policeman aud an
ordinary white man. She had arranged
matters so that separate evenings were
set aside for each of the ardent young
suitors, and three different courses of
love ran quite smoothly. One unlucky
evening, however, all three suitors
chanced to drop in one after another.
An interval of very desultory conver
sation and embarrassing phrases ter
minated by the pattering of a female
foot on the stairs. “Here’s misris,”
exclaimed the girl, and the three gen
tlemen bolted into three adjoining
rooms, and all was supposed to be well.
But “the missis” happened to want
something in the room where the ordi
nary citizen was, and she encountered
Mr. Citizen right there. “What are
you doing here ? What do you
mean by being in this room ?” indig
nantly inquired the missis, and she
superadded the threat, “I’ll send for
the police.” Mr. Citizen, calmly point
ing to another door, remarked : “If
you want the police he is in there.”—
The missis flew to the other door,
found the policeman, and poured out
the second vial of wrath upon him,
thus : “You’re a nice policeman, ain’t
you ? What do you mean by this con
du t? I declare I will send for the
military.” “Madam,” retorted the po
lice man, “nothing is easier; if you
want the military~you will find him in
there,” pointing to the third door.
Military didn’t wait to be uneai’thed;
he promptly came forth and saluted.—
There was a slight scream and a pat
tering of the female ascending foot on
the kitchen stairway. The three suit
ors came away without the usual cere
monies at the gate.
A little boy carrying some eggs home
from the shop dropped them. “Did
you break any?” asked his mother
when he told her of it. “No;” said the
little fellow, “but the shells came off
some of ’em.”
Said a Dakota Judge to the plaintiff
in a divorce suit: “Johnny, I ain’t
agoin’ to inquire inter circumstances
in this deleterious age. You say you
smashed the feller. You wouldn’t a
done it, as a man, without a reesing.
When a Fiji islander marries, the
first thing ho does upon beginning to
keep house is to eat his mother-in
law. Asa conservator of peace, the
process, perhaps, is effectual, and it is
also valuable as a measure of economy
when marketing is dear.— Boston Post.
Though the proprietor of a patent
mowing machine cares nothing for the
“old masters,” the appearance of his
picture among the wood-cuts in the
advertising columns of a country news
paper always stirs in his bosom a
kinder feeling towards struggling ar
tists.
A young husband picked up the pa
per at the breakfast table, and read to
his wife that the thermometer at Du
luth was eight degrees below zero.
“Yes, John, dear,” she affectionately
replied, “and it’s most time I was pad
ding your coat tails with saw dust.”
True affection grows stronger as it
grows older. The same may be said of
an egg.
STRANGER THAN FICTION.
The Connubial Infelicities of a Re
surrected Wife—The Extraordinary
Death, Burial and Exhumation of
Mrs. Robinson.
[New York Mercury.]
The other afterno.on, a handsomely
dressed lady, accompanied by a gentle
man, stepped into a lawyer’s office on
Warren street. The lady might be
slightly on the shady side of thirty, and
her appearance betokened conscienti
ous attention to the table in an excellent
boarding-house. She had fair hair,
blue eyes, a delicious mouth and perfect
teeth. Her companion had a slight
stoop in the shoulders, mutton-chop
whiskers, a delicate nose, gray eyes,
and hands like a shoulder of lamb. He
was excessively modest, and the lady
did the interviewing. “I come,” she
began, "to see if I can quietly get rid
of my husband. “I don’t want no noise
about it, but I want to have it done
quick, and to pay a fair price for it—
none o’ them extras and unforeseen ex
penses, you know,” and she smiled
mysteriously. “Is this gentleman your
husband ?” asked the lawyer, looking at
the drooping masculine. “No,” not “ex
actly,” said the lady, “but he hopes to be
when he has a right to marry me. He
is going to pay for the.decree.” “Where
is your husband—does he object?”
queried the lawyer. “O, he’s in the
city, and he does’nt object,” in confir
mation of which the lady produced a
sheet of paper attested by a notary pub
lic, setting forth that George Robinson,
being unable to live longer in harmony
with his wife, agreed to a divorce, etc.,
etc. The lawyer was amused with the
case, and by judicious questioning, ob
tained from the lady the history of her
married life. Miss Margaret Hardy
was, seven years since, one of the belles
of Rugby, in Western Yorkshire, Eng
land. The maiden’s affections were
concentrated upon one George Robiu
son, and to him, with the full approval
of her parents, she was married on
Christmas day, 1869. The first year
of matrimonial life was one of uninter
rupted happiness, and in the course
of the moons a son and heir wae
born to the Robinsons. Alas! the
tiny stranger did not take kindly to
existence, but sickened and died, leav
ing the poor mother paralyzed with
grief. She took to her bed, and re
fused to be comforted. She would
neither eat nor drink, and in a short
time became a living skeleton. Finally,
she, to all appearances, died. The
poor young creature was by the ex
press command of her father interred
with her rings upon her hands, and
there was a good deal of unfavorable
comment among the town’s people on
this “criminal waste.” The jewelry
particularly excited the cupidity of the
parish clerk, aud he made minute in
quiries concerning the probable value
of the buried rings. Finally, three
days after the funeral, at the lone
hour of midnight, he crept cautiously
to the new-made grave. Having re
moved the earth and unscrewed the
coffin, he proceeded to take off the
rings, but from the contracted state of
the fingers was uable to effect his
felonious purpose. Thereupon, with
his pocket-knife, he commenced
amputate the fingers, but
he had scarcely reached the
bone of the wedding-ring finger
when, to his astonishment and horror,
the corpse bolted nearly upright in the
coffin, at the same time uttering a wild
and dismal scream. The clerk imme
diately started homeward with his hair
bristling on end. Meantime the poor
woman, who had been unconsciously
buried in a death-like trance, alarmed
at her extraordinary situation, direct
ed her steps to her husband’s resi
dence, and knocked loudly at the door.
Robinson’s consternation, when he be
held his wife in her shroud and grave
clothes may be imagined. He howled
“murder” aud “police,” attracting a
startled crowd to his residence. Then
it became evident that Maggie Robin
son had indeed returned from the cold,
damp grave in veritable living flesh
and blood. Afterwards the injured
finger and the state of the grave
pointed suspicion to the parish clerk;
but, having saved the woman’s life, he
was allowed to go unpunished, and the
matter was permitted to rest.
Finally Mrs. Robinson, to escape
morbid curiosity, implored her hus
band to emigrate—a step ho was very
unwilling to take, because, as Mrs.
Robinson avers, he was over heard-and
ears with another young woman in the
place.” Ultimately the wife’s importu
nities prevailed, and the couple came
to this city in the summer of 1872.
George has earned a respectable liv
ing, and his wife and he occupied, up
to a few weeks since, a commodious
floor on Sixteenth street. It appears,
however, that he has been becoming
gradually estranged from his wife, and
Maggie felt that there was a “woman
in the case.” Recently he was sick for
a fortnight, and she intercepted the
| following letter from his whilom flame
j in England:
Yarm, October 9, 1875.—Dearest,
| Dearest George: I rite this to enform
| you that I wud ha thote you wud ha
j goten ridd of her long before this. I
i wud come to you my darling rite away
| but who shud I bee, nothin whatsum
i ever neither wife nor wider; ami dear
George you wud not like to see me that
an her alive. Oh George it was a
misserable day when old Jack Hall [the
avaricious sexton.—Ed.] dug her up,
how happy we mite a been; but I will
cum out if you say so for oh dear
George I love you very much as you
know, tom Darnton has offer’d twice to
wed me but oh dear George I don’t
love him like you. I have saved twonty
five pounds, but I hope you send the
money for me to come then I know you
mean what you say. Broder Jack has
had measles a second time and I am first
rate and stouter and oh George how
happy I wud be if we were together
| one heart one home. I (am) sure I wud
j like the voyage for I been on the sea
i and liked it first rate, but I wud come
| anyhow if you get ridd of her. Oh
! dearest George do rite soon and tell me
all as I am so unsettled in my mind.
Yours sincearly Annie Stewart.
j Mr. Frank Bronson, Mrs. Robinson’s
boarder, became speedily acquainted
| with the contents of the letter, making
I only the brief comment, “Well, let him
I get rid of you, and then I have no ob
jections to occupy his place.” There
was an angry consultation, to the con
clusion of which the boarder was sum
moned to assist. The result is as has
been described. A quiet decree will be
forthcoming, and no doubt four people
will be thereby licensed to become
happy.
MATRIMONY.
MRS. BELINDY JON’ZE ON THE
SITUATION.
A Very Tart and Slightly Personal
Letter—The Men Shown Up—Woman
the Pivot Upon Which the World
Turns.
Augusty, Ga., December 2,1875.
Mr. Bandill:
Deer Sir— You ort not to have writ
that piece agin matrimony and put it in
the papers on a Sunday mornin; cause
you made all the wimmen folks of Au
gusty mad and set ’em to fussin’. I
don’t think you need be frettin’ your
self, nor the poor wimmen neether, for
goodness knows! ther’s little enuff
marryin’ now days, anyhow. I don’t
believe ther’s been more’n half a dozzen
weddins in Augusty in the last two or
three years. They’s most as sceerse as
hen’s teeth ! and'peeple like to goto
other peeple’s sometimes, if they don’t
want none o’ there own. We had a
weddin at our howse once’t, and had a
punch bole as big as a wash
tub, and kept a fillin it, and a
fillin it, and a fillin it, till all the
wine gin out (about five or six gal
lons,) when I got so sorry for the poor
fellows that kept commin’ back to see if
tlier’ was any more, that I went to my
ole man and told him about it, and
how mortified I was. He said shaw !
you needn’t fret about that. If you
kept on fillin’ it up till daylight it
would still keep gettin’ empty. Well!
I felt easyer after that; cause I knew he
kuowed—and I was glad to see that
he thort they had enuff. I know
another thing about matrimoney too !
I know that if the matri-s have got
plenty of the money ther, ain’t no diffi
culty about findin’ the husbands. That’s
somethin’ that the patri-s can swoller
in the biggist kind of Aliopathicy doses,
and like ther whiskey—the bigger the
dose the better they like it, and the
more they take the more they want.
And I can jest tell you! the men is so
stuck up now days that they set
awful high prices on themselves
They wont hardly look at a
woman to marry her unless she
is worth about fifty or a hundred
thousin dollars. Don’t you talk about
wimmen selliu theirselves to the highest
bidder! Poor things! taint many of
’em gits any bids at all now days.
And even if they did ther would’nt
be much choise between ’em, for
money nor nothin else, according to
my notion. But choise or not, we
wimmen have got to take ’em (for bet
ter or for worse) as we find ’em and
not as we would have ’em, mity few of
’em but what’s worse than the wim
men they marry, much as you buse us!
I tell you one thing I notise about you
men, (naimly Mr. Albert Rhodes and
his friends facts and Aggers). It’s the
“money” that makes the shoe pinch.
Taiu’t nothin else that makes ’em
hurt so, and I notise another thing
that [you are mity liberal in your al
lowance to yourselves. Just to think
of one man spendin three thousand dol
lars on his lone self, and not a livin
soul to share it with! Stingy ole
thing! To think of one man settin
down and eatin one thouzin fore
hundred and sixty dollars worth of
stuff all by himself without a livin
soul to help him. Whew! I wonder
where he could pack it all. Stingy,
greedy old thing! I jest know if that
feller was a keepin’ house he wouldn’t
want his wife to spend half that much
for her share of the pervisions. Why
that would feed me and my ole man
and a half dozzen childern, and all the
niggers and ther fronds in the kitchin
besides. Five hunderd and sixteen dol
lars for amusements! Well, I’d like to
know what kind of amusements them
was that could cost so much. For it
only takes about twenty dollars a year
to pay for all the ’musements for our
whole family, toys and all, and to pay
for two or three extra darkies to help
carry the children to the circus at that.
I wonder if that feller don’t go to the
theater every night and Sunday, too!
Talk about spendin’ six hunderd and
twenty-fore dollars (8021) for two rooms!
That’s awful! Why, that would pay
for a whole howse rent in this part of
the country. Well, now; when you
come to S4OO for a man’s clothes! That
don’t seem to be quite so onreazonablc;
for I know a young man in Augusty
that gits S6OO a year, and he don’t have
to pay no room rent, and no board,
and don’t have to pay but $3 a month
for washing, and don’t hardly ever go to
the theater and circus or parties, and
he says S6OO a year aint nothin for a
fellow,” but it comes mity nigh clothin
me and all my childern, and we look
about as well as most folks! But I
dont like to say too much about the
money we spend on clothes, for we
have to have a 'plenty of clothes and it
takes a site of money to buy em. I
know I git mity tired askin for it and
my ole man says he wishes he could
git it as easy as I do. Don’t I wish he
could ? And wouldent I be glad to give
it to him !!! But for all I do bother
him about money I jest know he would
not sell, swap, or gin me away for
all the world. And I know he’s glad he
aint a rusty, crusty, crabbed olebattch
elorr, (he’s crabbed enuff now—but was
a heap crabbeder when we first mar
ried. Dont know what he would have
been if he hadntgot married,) For he
looks too happy when he comes home
tired at night and finds a warm bright
fire for him to toast his feet by, while
I toast a slice of bread for him, and
pour out his tea and hold the saucer
for him while he is drinkin it; all sittin
so snug round the fire and a nice
little baby asleep in the crib ! And
you tell me that my ole man aint better
ors than a mizzirible scynickiful ole
battehelorr! I tell you he is! And he’ll
tell you so his self. I jest know you
wos lookin throo somebody else’s spec
i tikles when you writ that piece, and
I you ort to be more keerful how you
[ talk about marrid folks, for taint every
j body that knows what a zemplary wife
you’ve got. And you need’nt be wastin
J of your breath a writin or of your
paper a preechin—for as long as the
world lasts ther will be marrih & givin
in marridge. That’s somethin that pee
ple aint a goin to take nobody else’s
word for. They want to see for their
selves, and I beleeve them that dont
marry are a heap sorryer than them
does. And I beleeve it is better for a
woman to try & git along with a poor
husband, than to be worryin & frettin
cause she aint got no husband at all, at
all. And if a man aint happy you
know it sounds so much more respeck
tible for a man to have a wife. I de
clair you ort not to be tellin young pee
ple they oit not to git marrid. i dont
know about other folks, but I am glad
to be able to scribe myself,
Yous most respecklibly,
Mrs. Belindy Jonzk
P. S. I have been waitin severail
days to see if some of them men that
everybody knows has got good wives
wouldn’t take you up and give you a
good pen-lashing, but I don’t hear nor
see a sound! Then I thort shure I’d
hear somethin from some of them edi
cated wimmin that I heerd sputter so
about it, but I don’t see nary letter. It
may 7 be that they ar feard of you, for
you ar amity smart feller and most
always git the best of every argiment.
But I aint afreard of you, cause I aint
ritin for smart and I know I’m rite and
want to shame you for tellin people not
to git married. Them happily married
men folks must be keepin silent cause
they like to have all the blaime laue
on the wimmin. They always did
from Adam down. T’aint fair. Its
well the poor things have been able to
bear and forbear. You men folks can
go and get your city fathers ; what’s
the reezsm you don’t want no city moth
ers? My sakes! I don’t see whats
gittin into you all! If we are sich
dredful creeturs and so hard to git
along with why dont you petition
your little Mayor to banish every
living female from the city of Augusty
and git him to build a great
highe wall round your pressious
selves for a protection agin us? Say!
why don’t you do it ? But if you do do
it, ’twont do to trust the key to nary
man inside, or ary woman outside.
You’ll have to git a blind man to throw
it in the river when nobody warnt look
in. Then you could all do as you please.
Your homes would be all your own.
There wouldn’t be nobody to bother
with you and nobody to find fa lit with
you, (and nobody for you to Jaime).
You wouldn’t have to slip ■ \t your
boots at the front door and g -neekin
up stairs. But you could j -it take
your fill of your “Club par,. ,” and
your “Card partys,” and you “Billy
ard partys,” and your ‘‘Dinner partys,”
and your “Barbekew partys,” and your
“Delirium tremendous partys,” and
if in less than a month every man in
town didn’t send for his wife—(be she
good or bad), and she, poor kreeter,
didn’t go trottin back to him, then my
name aint Belindy Jonze.
FROM WASHINGTON.
Majority Rule in the Caucus.
Washington, December 4.— The tra
ditional two-third’s rule of the Demo
cratic Conventions does not enter the
caucuses of the party. A majority
nominates. There is no change in the
situation this morning beyond in
creased anxiety and less positive asser
tion.
Anticipated Resignation of Jewell—
Ward Declines the Indian Commis
sion—Babcock to he Court-Mar
tialed.
The Star says: “In the opinion of
those qualified to know, there is good
reason to believe that Postmaster
General Jewell will retire from the
Cabinet within a few weeks.”
Marcus L. Ward declines the Indian
Cominissionership.
The President has ordered the fol
lowing detail for a Court of Inquiry in
the case of Gen. B ibcock: Lieutenant
General Sheridan, Major General Han
cock and Brigadier General Terry.
The court will convene in Chicago, 111.,
on Thursday, December 9th.
FOREIGN DISPATCHES.
Abyssinian Protest Against the Insi
del —Earl Derby’s Opinion of the
Course of Egypt—Battle of the Ca
bles.
Vienna, December 4.—lt is rumored
that Abyssinia Princes, through mis
sionaries, ask the assistance of the
United States against Mohammedan
invasion.
London, December 4.—The Daily
News announces that Parliament will
not be called earlier than usual.
A deputation waited on Earl Derby
and urged intervention to prevent
Egyt from annexing Abyssinia. Derby
doubted Egypt’s intention to annex
Abyssinia. Financial reasons would
render it unwise. It is believed Egypt’s
violation of Zanzibar’s rights was the
result If a mistake.
There is a rumor that the Anglo-
American Cable Company desire to
augment present rates. The Daily
News to-day, in its financial article, has
the following paragraph on what pre
sumably relates to this rumor:
The boards of directors of the Direct
United States Cable Company yester
day refused to accede to ‘certain de
mands of the Anglo-American Tele
graph Company relative to tariffs. The
result will probably be a renewal of the
contest between the rival companies
and a low tariff.
Fog in London—Searching for a Lost
Steamer —Sale of Cattle.
London, December 4. —A dense fog
interrupts street, and railway traffic.
Queenstown, December 4.—The
steamship Ville de Brest, of the Gen
eral Trans-Atlantic Company, has sail
ed from this port to seek her sister
ship, L’Amerique, before reported dis
abled.
Toronto, December 4.—At a sale of
short horns, draught horses and Cots
wold sheep yesterday, the three high
est prices paid were §4,500 for “Seven
teenth Duke of Audrie;” $4,000 for a
“ Kirkleighton Duchess Eighteenth,”
and $3,700 for “Oneida Rose.” The to
tal sum realized was $79,000.
Soft hearts often harden, but soft
heads never change.