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BY J. P. SAWTELL.
E. H. PURDY,
Manufacturer of
Saiila, Harness ai Trunks,
And WhoWsale and Retail Dealer in
All kinds of Sadlery Ware,
Corner of Whitaker and Bryan Sts.,
~ SAVANNAH, GA.
fcsf Orders for Rubber Belting, Hose and
Packing; also, Stretched Leather Belting,
Ifilled promptly. sep 17-6 m
t. i. OOILMAUTIN. JOHN |TI.ANN*KT.
L. J. GUfLMARTIN & CO.,
Cotton Factors,
AND
General Commission Merchants,
Bay St., Savannah, 6a.
AffSrit* for Bradley’s Super Phos
phate of Lime, Powell's Mills
Yarns arid Domestios, etc-
Bagging, Rope and Iron Ties, al
ways on band.
fry XJimal Facilities Extended to Customers.
»epl7-6rn ,f?“.
A. J. MILLER & CO.,
FURNITURE DEALERS,
150 Broughton Street,
SAVANNAH, GEORGIA.
Tfrmrg HAVE ON HAND, tind are con
▼ V tlnnally receiving, every variety of
Parlor and Bedroom Sets,
Bureaus, Washstauds, Bedstead*, Chairs,
Rockers, Wardrobes, Meat Safes, Cradles,
Looking Glasses, Feathers, Featheibeds, Pil
lows, etc. . ,
Hair, Moss, Shock and Exceleior Mattttsse*
on band, and made to order.
Jobbing and Repairing neatly dor e, and
With, despatch.
We are fully prepared to fill orders.
Country orders promptly attended to.
All letters of inquiry tmswcrc 1 promptly.
sej>l7-6m.
MARIETTA MARBLE YARD.
j AM PREPARED TO FURNISH
Marble, Monuments,
Tombs, Head and Foot Stones,
Vaces, Urns, Vaults, etc,,
At very reasonable terms, made of
Italian, American and Georgia
MAHB L E .
IRON RAILING Put Up to Order,
For Information or designs address me at
this place, or
DU. T. S. POWELL. Agent,
Cutlibel't, Ga.
Address,
J. A. BISANER,
sepl~ Cm Marietta, Ga.
GEORGE S. HARTIt CoT
Commission Merchants,
And Wholesale Dealers in
Fine Butter, Cheese, Lard, etc.,
39 Pearl and 28 Bridge Sts.. N. Y.
„ vsr Butter and Lard, of all grades, put up
ineverv variety ol package, for Shipment, to
" arm‘Climates’. gepl7-6m*
REED & CLARKE,
No. 22, Old Slip, New York,
» ** * *‘D EALF.ItS IK
PHO VISIONS,
Onions, Potatoes, Butter, etc.
ELY, OBERHOLSTER & CO.,
Importers and Jobbers in
Dry Goods,
No*. 329 <0 331 Hroadway,
Corner of Worth Street.
«ep!s-6m New YorJk.
fpllllll
® Waterwheel,
Mill Gearin^Shaftin^Pulleys
$Sk
!P00U« HOf^%TlMOßi^
MI£.SEND FORA CIRCUtAR. «=^
. GEORGE PAGE & CO.
A r o. 5 i\T. Schroeder St., Baltimore.
Manufacturers of
POSTABLE AND STATIONARY
Steam Engines and Boilers
PATENT IMPROVED. PORTABI.E
Circular Saw pill
Gang, Mulay and Sash Saw Mills,
Grist Mills, Timber Wheels, Shingle Ma
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♦nrer’s ngents for LeffePs Celebrated Tnrliine
Water Wlieel and every description of Wood
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« Specialty.
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CUTHBERT ||gf APPEAL.
THE
EUREKA
anoiiuiiD mill
SUPER-PHOSPHATE
OF
LiIMES
Is for sale at
All Points of Importance
nsr GEORGIA.
WE HAVE SOLD IT
FIVE SUCCESSIVE YEARS,
AND KNOW
It is the very Article
rott
PLANTERS TO USE.
DAVID DICKSON - , Esq.,
Os Oxford, says
It is superior to any
COMMERCIAL
FERTILIZER
He has ever applied, and
RECOMMENDS IT
TO EVERYBODY.
WE SOLD OVER
Two Thousand Tons
IN GEORGIA
LAST YEAR.
IT HAS BEEN TRIED
AND ALWAYS
PAII)
THE
PLANTER.
Send for a Pamphlet. An Agent
may be found at almost every De
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had of
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' . * s»avannah, CJa.
Agent at Cuthbert, Ga.,
SI. H. JIO\IX
Agent at Fort Gaines, Ga.,
StTLIVE Sc (IBAHAI.
i jan2o-3m
CUTHBERT, GEORGIA, FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 1871.
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For the Cutbbert Aiteal.
Olive.
BY UNCLE JOHN.
A messenger from Paradise
She came, enrobed in beauty rare',
With light that shone from Heavenly eyes,
Commingling blessings with oureate,
And bearing in her graceful mioii
the Sweetness of her native air.
As some refreshing eastern breeze,
OVr the parch’d desert sweeping,
From far off grove.-;-of orange trees,
tfuto the pilgrim, faint, and weeping
Over hopes about to perish there,
Long cherished, ending in dispair,
Brings back departing life to breathe
The ambrosial incense, and to dream
Os fields celestial, where the Wreath
Os ever-blooming flowers shall gleam
Upon the brow of the redeemed ;
So she, wbeu sorrows blasting power,
Like desert sun. with red heat glowing,
Check'd the bloom ot hope’s ybung flower
Within our licarts then fresh ly blowing.
She came, like morn’s refreshing dew,
With heart so warm, with soul so true,
Iler very presence speke of Heaven ;
And hope revived—life’s charms returned,
And life’s most gloomy clouds were riv-ea ;
High aims, unto dispair long giveu,
By her inspired, with new life burned,
And every one beheld life’s sky,
As painted on her soul-lit eye,
Or there reflected, glorious, bright,
A prelude to the laud of light.
Oh gentle Virtue! How divine !
How heaveuly is her silent power l
Who breathes the fragrance of her mind
Is better from that happy hour.
Her loveliness, her grace enhances
Man’s heart, in most untoward mood.
And every guileful thought disarms
, At once, and turns it into good,
Virtue has fled ! Sustain us now,
Oh Hope ! Virtue has fled above ;
And Grief upon our altar bows
Uncharmed and unconsoled by Love.
Our Father, thou alone canst know
The anguish of our saddened hearts,
The while submissively we bow,
Aud kiss the alllicting hand tnat- parts
The ties that to our idol bouud us,
And wound their tendrils so around us,
That, in parting, life itself must part,
Did Faith, in mercy, not sustaiu the heart.
If human love could but restrain
The happy spirit as it flies,
Or human sorrow call again
Angelic beings from the skies,
Olive, wouldst thou drop a tear
For heaven, to share our sorrows here?
We would not have it thus, ah no!
Some waves of time’s perpetual flow.
Onward to the eternal sweeping,
Soon -will waft us to the shore
Where shall end our weary weeping.
Olive! in that bappy clime,
Our Father, in his own good time,
Mid Heaven’s radiant g'ories beaming;
And amid the white-robed throng
In golden rays, translucent, gleaming,
While ihey raise the Heavenly song,
Will there unto our air ins restore,
Onr angel ones and we shall part no more !
Railboads in the United
States —There are now in the
United States 50,000 miles of rail
road, The cost of these works ex
ceed $2,000,000,000. ' Their annual
earnings exceed $400,000,000 and
equal sll per head of our entire pop
ulation. They transport, annually,
125,000,000 tons of freight, or over
three tons to each person, assuming
our entire population to be 40,000,-
000. The value of their tonnage,
at the low estimate of SIOO to the
ton, equals S3OO her head, and an
aggregate sum of $12,500,000,000
—a sum six times greater than they
cost. Every mile of road construc
ted adds five times its costs to the
aggregate- value of the property of
the country.
AH this vastcommerce and wealth
are wholly creations of railrbads and
within the short space of twenty
years.
Beneficence. —Remember, earth
has one privilege above heaven. It
is the privilege of beneficence.—
The privilege of passing by a trans
gression, of relieving the distressed,
of spreading the scriptures, of
evangelizing the heathen, of in
structing the ignorant, of reclaim
ing the vicious, of seeking and sav
ing them that are lost.— Jay.
There is this difference be
tween happiness and wisdom ; he
that thinks himself the happiest
man, really is so; but he that thinks
himself the wisest man, is general
ly the greatest fool.
Just In Time.
I was coming up on a steamboat
from New Orleans to St. Louis.—
The night was oppressively warm
and I had gone out upon the deck
for a breath of fresh air. There
were only two others persons there,
a man and a woman, who were
walking back and forth conversing
together in low tones. As I passed
them I heard her say :
“Do you want to make me crazy ?
I tell you I can’t forget him, and
it’s no use talking to me about my
duty. And I dont believe a word
that wicked woman says. He isn’t
married agaiu, he isn’t dead; he is
alive and true to me, I’m sure of
it,”
The words were low, but intense
and passionate, and I stopped in
voluntarily. U’'- : ■>-. j
“Don’t get excited and unreason
able, my dear woman. Look at the
facts of the case. You have not
heard from your husband for nearly
two years ; he left you with scarce
ly a week’s provisions on hand, and
ten dollars in money j-if it hadn’t
been for me, you aud your child
would have starved. You talk as
if it was your duty to remain faith
ful to the memory of such a man,
and that, too, in spite of the proof
you have received, by a direct reve
lation from heaven, that he not only
deserted you, but married another
woman aud lived with her as his
wife three months before he died.”
I can’t tell you why, but there
•was something in the smooth, in
sinuating voice of the speaker that
sounded to me like the hiss of a ser
pent and inspired me with a feeling
of abhorrence that I couldn’t over
come But I felt that I was doing
wrong in listening to this conversa
tion, and so I turned away, some
what reluctantly, for my sympathy
and curiosity were both excited.
The next morning I scanned the
faces of the passengers eagerly, for
I wanted to know how the man
looked whose voice had impressed
me so strangely. It had been so
dark the night before that I couldn’t
see his features. After a brief
search I found him at the breakfast
table a long-haired, lank-visaged
man, with thin lips and light blue
eyes, aud looked hard and cruel,
witli a sanctimoniousness pervading
his whole aspect. I might have
been prejudiced, but his face did
not impress me any more favorably
than his voice had done.
A little pale-faced woman sat on
his right hand, whom I recognized
at once as his companion of the
night before. She held in her lap
a child two or three years old, and
was rather pretty than otherwise,
although her eyes were red as it
from continued weeping.
Hut the face which chiefly attrac
ted my attention was that of the
woman on his left hand. Her com
plexion, in its unearthly pallor, re
sembling that of a corpse, her lips
were livid and her eyes deep sunk
en, and with dark circles around
them, were dull and expressionless.
It was a face that at the same time,
repulsed and fascinated you. She,
too, as well as the other woman,
seemed to be under the control of
the man whom I have described.
I noticed a great many curious
glances directed towards these per
sons during breakfast. Afterward,
I learned who they were from the
talk of the passengers, among whom
various rumors were afloat concern
ing them ; but the only information
which I relied hpou was given by
the captain. The man it appeared,
was a celebrated spiritualist with
a wonderful gift cf healing in his
hands, who subscribed himself S. S.
Johnson, M. D. The woman with
the cords-like face was a clarivoyant
who always traveled with him, and
went into trances for his benefit as
often as he desired. The two to
gether were said to be very success
ful mediums.
“I dont know what to think of
it,” said the captain. “There is
something remarkable about this
darivoyance. I aui conviuced that
Johnson is an imposter, but as to
the woman—why, I’d take my oath
that she isn’t conscious of what she
says and does in those trances.—
Johnson has a curious kind of pow
er over her, and I believe his will
actually forces her into a semi-com
atose state, and puts the word in
her mouth that she is to say.”
“But who is the little pale-faced
creature that accompanies them ?”
I inquired. “Is she a clarivoyant
too ?”
“Oh, no; but her husband left
her nearly two years ago, and this
Johnson has befriended her, for rea
sons of his own, I have no doubt.—
There fs a mystery about it, some
how. I was well acquainted with
her husband. He was a steady,
hard-working man, but times were
poor, and he thought he could bet
ter his fortunes by a trip to the
mountains. So he went, leaving his
wife and child rather scantily pro
vided for, but it was the best he
could do. He hoped that before
his money and provisions would be
exhausted he would be able to seud
them more. This jQr. Johnson was
his principle adviser in the step he
took, and promised to see that his
family did not come to want. From
that day to this, however, no direct
communication had ever been re
ceived from Joe Morrison. It is
known that he arrived in St. Louis
safely, and he there embarked for
the mountains, that is all. His wife
is a weak, helpless little creature,
strong only in devotion to .her hus
band, and would have sunk under
the blow if it had not been for her
child.”
[ The captain stopped as if he had
finished his story, but I turned to
him eagerly, for the conversation of
the night before recurred to my
memory. .
“Isn’t there some rumor aboHt
Morrison’s being dead or married
again ? And what about this John
son ? Has he kept the promise he
made her husband?”
The captain didn’t seem inclined
at first to say anything more, but
was finally persuaded to tell the rest
of the story, together with his own
suspicions as to the relations existing
between Dr. Johnson and Mrs. Alor
.rison.
“I can’t deny,” He said, “that
Johnson has befriended her, but ho
is a man I wouldn’t trust, and I be
lieve has done it for purposes of his
own. As to what those purposes
are I have my suspicions. After
Morrison had been gone over a
year, Johnson advised her to consult
Sarah White, his clairvoyant friend.
Lucv, that’s Mrs. Morrison, yielded
to the proposal as a relief from the
doubts aud fears that almost dis
tracted her. But imagine her hor
ror when informed by Miss White
that her husband was alive and well
and married to another woman!
She would not believe it, and re
fused to have anything more to do
with clairvoyance. But the eom
municatiou had its effect, undoubt
edly, on her weak and credulous
nature when months passed on and
there was still no words or tidings,
she consulted Miss White. This
time she received a direet message
from her husband himself, who had
been killed in a melee among some
miners, aocording to his own as
sertion, and was thus enabled
through spiritual modiumship to
console his wife personally. He
confirmed the former statement of
Miss White as to hia having com
mitted bigamy before lie died, and
expressed a degree of contrition
therefor truly edifying. Lucy was
overwhelmed with what she heard,
aud out of sheer desperation re
solved to go to St. Louis and there
seek for tracks of her husband. As
it happened, Dr Johnson was go
ing North, and kindly (?) took her
under his protection. It is my pri
vate opinion that he was in love
with her, and has been plotting
all along how to get her in his pow
er. Whether or not he has any
thing to do with Mr. Morrison’s
mysterious silence is more than I
can tell.”
“It’s a strange story,” I said,
musingly, “but I am inclined to
think you are right in your suspi
cions ; and in return for the cap
tain’s confidence, I related the con
versation I had accidentally over
heard.
“Just the plea I thought he would
urge —duty, to her child, probably.
The hypocrite 1 he knows she won’t
marry him for any other reason;
but what are the crowd doing over
there ?” aud he pointed to the op
posite end of the cabin. “Ah, I
understand. Isn’t that Johnson
and Miss White ? He asked my
permission this morning to display
her wonderful gift as a clairvoyant.
Come along 1 want to see her in a
trance.”
lain not superstitious, but there
was something uncauny in the air
that morning, and a thrill of actual
dread ran over me as wo approach
ed the clairvoyant. Her eyes were
open, but rolled back in her head,
and thero was a ghastly expression
on her face I shall never forget.—
She was talking aud gesticulating
earnestly, and near her stood Dr.
Johnson, whose fixed, magnetic
gaze never left her for a single in
stant. As soon as I could distin
guish what she said, I discovered
that shY) professed to be under the
control of Joe Morrison, aud the
captain informed me that she imi
tated perfectly his tricks of voice
and manner. What made this
more remarkable was the fact that
she had never seen him.
“There is no use, Lucy, in crying
any more,” she said, “for I am a
miserable scoundrel, and not worth
the tears you shed. You are wrong,
too, in neglecting your duty to Wil
lie in the way you do. He is our
child, remember, and I want you
to consider what will be best for
his future, instead of mourning for
me any longer. You are altogeth
er too headstrong and suspicious,
and won’t even listen to the advice
of your friend.”
At this point her discourse was
interrupted by a sudden stir in the
cfowd. Mrs. Morrison had fainted.
The captain aud I carried her to a
sofa and sprinkled water in her
face, but it was some time before
she gained consciousness, and not
until after the clairvoyant had come
out of her trance.
The next morning the boat left
St. Louis. I put up at the “Plan
ters” as usual, and so did Dr. John
son and his lady friends. I had
several business commissions to at
tend to, and did not see any thing
of them for several days. But one
evening as I was going to my room,
little Willie came running along the
hall (he had taken a fancy to me on
the boat), sobbing as if his heart
would break.
“Why, what is the matter, WiK
lie ?” I said, taking him up in my
arms.
All I could make out from his
broken speech was that somebody
had “hurted” his mamma, and that
she was crying “dreadful hard,” and
wouldn’t speak to him.
A sudden impulse came over me
to offer my friendship to Mrs. Mor
rison, ancTthwart'the plans of John
son if possible, for 1 felt convinced
that he had occasioned her tears.—
While I was thinking how to do
this without woundingher delieacy,
she came out in the hall looking
for Willie. He ran up to her ea
gerly, dragging me along, and I
was really shocked at the ehango
in her appearance. She was thin
ner and paler than when I had seen
her last, and there was a look in
her kind eyes like that of a hunted
animal at bay.
I can’t tell how it was that I
gained her confidence so readily,
but we hadn’t been talking ten
minutes before she began to tell me
of her troubles. My white hair
and venerable appearance bad
something to do with it probably (I
am not so old as I look, however,)
and then, too, ber need of a friend
was urgent and imperative.
She couldn’t get the slightest clue
to her husband, it seemed in St.
Louis, and was almost ready in her
despair to believe everything the
clairvoyant said. But the idea of
marrying another man was abhor
rent to her, and Dr. Johnson was
continually urging her to this step
mingling threats with persuasion—
and alleging the impossibility of
his remaining her friend otherwise.
This net had been subtly laid. He
had placed her under pecuniary ob
ligations that galled her womanly
spirit and made it the harder to re
ject his proposal. She didn’t want
him to think her ungrateful, nor
could she forget that he had be
friended her in her time of sorest
need. True, he was ungenerous
enough to remind her of this fact,
but even that did not cancel the ob
ligation. Then, too, he promised
to care for and educate Willie ; and
lov.e for her child pleaded strong in
the mother’s heart.
Johnson was going to Chicago
the next day, and was coming to
her the next morning for a final de
cision.. If she refused to accompa
ny him thither as his wife, then all
was at an end between them. But
what was she to do in St. Louis,
alone and penniless ? For she was
a weak, fragile little creature, unfit
to battle with the world* as John
son well knew.
Yet I didn’t hesitate as to tho ad
vice I should give her, although I
felt doubtful whether she would
follow it, for, in spite of hor reluc
tance to marry Johnson, I could
see from the way she told her story
that he had gained an influence over
her truly ivonderfnl. - I promised,
however, to do all I could for her
if she remained in St. Louis, and
early besought her not to commit
the sin of marrying the man from a
mistaken sense of duty.
Stranger as she was, I was so
much interested in her fate that I
couldn’t sleep for thinking of it,
and it was late the following mor
ning when I went to breakfast. I
sat down next a traveler, sunburnt,
and coarsely attired, but honest and
genial looking.
We eutered into conversation, and
there was something in his voice
and manner that seemed strangely
familiar, although I couldn’t recol
lect that I had ever seen him before.
But it came over me like a flash of
light when he spoke of having just
returned from the mountains, that
this was the man whom Sarah
White the clarvoyant, had persona
ted on the steamboat Dresden. I
turned to him eager and excited :
“Pardon me, sir, but isn’t your
name Mr. Joe Morrison, and didn’t
yon live in- ?”
He started to his feet.
“For God’s sake, sir, can you tell
me anything of my wife and child ?
It is nearly two years since I heard
from them.”
Joy seldom kills, and I hadn’t the
hoart to prolong his suspense.
“Yes, yes, they are alive and
well,” I answered “and are in this
very house, in No. ”
“My God ! it isn’t possible,” he
cried, rushing away from the table
like a madman.
I followed him leisurely, and
found him with Willie in his arms,
pressed closely to his breast, laugh
ing and crying at the same time,
and frightening the child nearly to
death. Mrs. Morrison wasn't in the
room, she had gone out with Dr.
Johnson, the chambermaid said. A
thrill of apprehension ran over me.
“Do you know where they went,”
I asked.
But si e couldn’t tell me anything,
except that the gentleman bad said
something about Squire Jeeko’s.
That was enough. I rushed down
stairs and through the streets, drag
ging Morrison and Willie with me,
and didn’t stop to see whether peo
ple stared or not. Just as we
reached the door of Justice Jecko’s
office, Johnson and Mrs. Morrison
came out, and my heart sank with
in me. Willie caught a glimpse of
them, and cried out shrilly “Mam
ma ! mamma!”
She started and turned, and Mor
rison sprang forward with the child
in his arms, but before ho could
reach her, she had fallen prone up
on the pavement. But she came to
quickly. And the greeting between
husband and wife were silent, but
affecting. A little later, she return
ed to the hotel leaning upon Morri
son’s arm a proud and happy woman.
My fears were unfounded; she bad
refused to marry Dr. Johnson, even
after he had decoyed her to the of
fice of Justice Jecko.
As to the mutual explanations
that followed this happy reunion, I
have little to say. Morrison was
thunder struck by the treachery of
Johnson, in whom he had placed
such implicit confidence as to send
him several large sums of money for
the use of Lucy and the child* And
he couldn’t help mistrusting that
their correspondence had been in-
tercepted, for husband or wife had
not received a single one of all the
letters they had written to each
other. But lie might have been
mistaken, for wo all know what
mail facilities are iii the mountains.
The Morrisons went back to ,
and their lives sank into an ordina
ry and common place routine. I
verily believe they’ve half forgot
ton by this time the tragic episode
of these two years.
Childhood
O, happy days of childhood,
When all is bright and fair,
The sparkling eye, the rosy.cheek,
The waving, glossy hair.
When life a fairy dream appears,
All joyous, happy, bright,
And gathered roses yield no thcrus,
And all things give delight.
The golden days of childhood.
How quickly gone are they ;
Like passing clouds in Sommer time,
That swiftly glide away !
Like pearly dewdrops on the flower,
That glisten in the sun,
In ever-changing colors bright,
Then vanish and are gone 1
The sunny days of childhood
In simple-joys atC passed ;
And like the early summer flower,
Too frail and fair to last.
Yet memory, ever in delight,
Turns to those happy hours,
When skies above were ever bright,
The pathway strewn with flowers.
The joyous sac% of childhood,
Metijinks I Bee it now :
The trustiug eye, the loving 6mile,
The softly-shaded bfow ;
The bounding step, the merry voice,
The joyous heart bespeak,
While roaming mid the fragrant flowers,
The butterfly to seek.
The merry heart of childhood
Is ever dear to me;
The Silvery voice I love to hear,
The fttir, round form to see.
And soft, dark eyes as mine they meet,
In radiant beauty shine,
Faint emblems of the soul within,
The spirit half divine.
And yet, how oft such flowers fade !
A shadow passetb by,
The cheek grows cold, the eye grows dim,
Aud low the form doth lie ;
While tho pure spirit seeks the world
Os .shining ones above,
Andjoius ibem with their harps ot gold,
Iu songs of praise aud love.
WILLIAM 11. LAWRENCE.
A Stupid Witness.— Those who
are in the habit of attending police
and other courts may probably have
observed the difficulty under which
the lawyers and judges labor some
times in getting witnesses to testify
in .legal form. The following,
which recently took place at a Cin
cinnati (Ohio) court, is an amusing
and perfect example. A man had
been caught in the act of theft, and
pleaded in extenuation that he was
drunk:
Court (to the policeman who was
witness)—“ What did the man say
when you arrested him ?”
Witness “lie said he was
drunk.”
Court—“l want his precise
words,just as he uttered them;
he didn’t use the pronoun he did
he ? Ho didn’t say I he was
drunk ?’ ”
Witness—“ Oh, yes, he did—he
said he was drunk ; lie acknowl
edged the corn.”
Court (getting impatient at the
witness’ stupidity)—“ You don’t un
derstand me at all; I want, the
words as he uttered them; didnt he
say * I was drunk ?’ ”
Witness (dcprocatingly—“ Oh,
no, your Honor. He didn’t say you
was drunk ; I wouldn’t allow any
man to charge that upon you in my
presence.”
Prosecutor—“ Pshaw, you don’t
comprehend at all. His Honor
means, did not the prisoner say to
you, * I was drunk ?’ ”
Witness (reflectively)—" Well,
he might have said you were drunk,
but I didn’t hear him.”
Attorney for the prisoner—
“ What the Court desires is to have
you state the prisoner’s own words,
preserving the precise form of the
pronoun that he made use of in re
ply. Was it the first person, I, the
second person thou, or the third
person, he, she or it ? Now, then,
sir, (with severity), upon your oath,
didn’t my client say to you, ‘ I was
drunk ?’ ”
Witness (getting mad) —“No,
he didn’t say you was drunk either,
but if he had I reckon he wouldn’t
a lied any. Do you suppose that
the poor fellow charged the whole
court with being drunk ?”
—; The trustees of a certain church
in the western part of Pennsylvania,
having fallen in arrears with the
minister’s salary for six months,
determined to pay him up “in
trade.” They waited on him, and
after the family had gathered
around, the President said: “Mr.
Brown, we have a very pleasant du
ty to perform, and one no doubt
that you are .very much interested
in. We have come to remunerate
you for yonr labors in our* church
for the past six months—in fact, we
have brought you your salary.—
Mr. Jones, just undo Mr. Browns
salary and hand it to him*” Jones
did as requested and handed Mr.
Brown the following: Ten feet of
stove pipe, two papers of coin
starch, one felt hat, three kegs of
varnish, one paper collar, four palm
leaf fans and two bundles of bed
slats.
VOL. V-NO. 7
A teacher who has recently lost
an eye, begs to intimate that he has
nowa “vacancy for a pupil”
Moderation Is the silken string
running through the pearl-chain of
all virtues.
Always look at those whom
you are talking to, never at those
you are talking of.—
I have heard a grave diving
say that God has two dwelling**
one in heaven, and the other in a
meek and thankful hearU Walton.
—The entire assets of a recent
bankrupt were nine children. Tir'd
creditors acted magnanimously
and let him keep them.
—The cannon that pealed ou the
fourth of March has been cured by
a single application of the Russia
SalVe.
—ls the Doge of Venice were to
lose his sight, what useful article
would he bo convorted into? a. Yw*
netian blind.
What are the ainis which am
at the Bame time duties in life?
The perfecting of ourselves* and
the happiness of others.— Lean
Paul.
—“I wish you would pay a little
attention, sir,” said a stage manar
ger to a careless actor. “Well* !
am paying as little as I can,” was
the calm reply.
—ls a spoonful of yeast will raise
forty cents worth of flour, how much
will it take to raise funds to buy
another barrel with ? Answer may
be handed in over the fence.
A Vermont girl wants to know
if the woman’s rights movement In*
eludes the right to do the courting*
if it does she is in for it, as the men
in her vicinity are very bashful.
There is a genius on Lake
Champlain who takes a pair of
skates and writes a four month’s
note on the ice with such perfection*
that in less than an hour tho Sun
liquidates it.
Tho Second Baptist Church in
Chicago has 1,089 members* and
raised last year $48,290, of which
less than one-quarter went for home
purposes. It never gets up fairs*
but gives outright what money it
raises.
—A traveller went into An inti
after a shower, and asked the land*
lord to show him a good fire ; “ for’*
said he, “ I’m very wet;” and then
turning to the waiter, he said:—*
<l bring me a tankard of ale immedi
ately, for I’m plaguey dry.”
—“l’ve three cents left,” said ft
loafer, “so I’ll buy a paper with
them.” “What paper will you
buy?” said a friend, curious to
learn the literai-y taste of his ac*
quaintance. “A paper of tobacco/*
replied the loafer.
A carpenter of our acquain*
tance says that cheerfulness is the
best paying commodity that can bo
brought into a shop. In his opin*
ion, a man who whistles will do AS
much work in an hour as a grumbler
will do in a day.
A man with eleven daughters
was lately complaining that he
found it hal’d to live. “You must
husband your time,” said another,
“and then you will do well enough.”
“I could do much better,” was the
reply, “if I could husband my
daugnters.”
—“Hallo, there, how do you sell
wood ?” “By the cord.” “Pshaw 1
how long has it been cut ?” “Foul*
feet.” “How dumb ! I mean how
long has it been since you cut it ?”
“No longer than it is now.” “See
here, old fellow; you are too all*
fired bright to live long.”
A man in Covington the other
day made a bet that he could drink
a pint and a half of Cincinnati whis
key in twelve hours. He won the
bet, and his widow remarked at the
funeral next day that it was the
first money he had earned by bard
work in ten years.
—“A certain man in this re
gion,” says anew correspondent,
“looking the other morning at a
picture of Cupid on a ‘valentine’
handbill, asked, ‘who is that ft por
trait of?’ ‘Of Cupid,’ was the re
ply. ‘Hump,’ was the rejoinder,
‘lt must have been taken when it
was very young.’”
A traveler on the continent*
visiting a celebrated cathedral, was
shown by the sacristan, among otb
er marvels, a dirty, opaque vial.—*
After eyeing it some time, the trav
eler said: “Doyou call this a relic?”
“Sir,” said tho sacristan, Indignant
ly, “it contains some of the dark
ness that Moses spread over the
land of Egypt.
—“I don’t say, Mr. Judge, that
the defendant was drunk. No, not
by no means ; but this I will say— =
when I last seeu him he was wash
ing his face in a mud puddlo and
drying it on a door mat. Whether
a sober man would do this, in course
I can’t say.” The court thought
be wouldn’t* The consequence was,
tho “ defendant” went up for sixty
days.
A candidate traveling through
one of the rural precincts of a certain
county, rode up to a farm house,
and thus accosted a little urchin
who was seated upon the top of a
gate post: “Bub, where is your
pa?” the youngster replied: Paps
just gone down beyond the cow
shed to dig a grave to bury the old
dog Towser. The old fool killed
himself barking at candidates for
Sheriff.”