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VOL. V.
THE APPEAL.
rCBLKBCn EVERT THIBET,
BY SAWTELL CHRISTIAN.
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Whom First We Love,
BT JCUE WE HI) HOWE.
When first we love, you know we seldom
wed;
Time rules ns all. And life, indeed is
not
The thing we planned it oat ere hope was
dead; .
And theu we women cannot choose onr lot.
Much must bo born which it is hard to bear,
Mueh given awny which it were sweet to
keep,
God he p us all! who need, indeed, Ilia
care ;
And yet I know the Shepherd loves his sheep.
My little boy begine to babble row
Upon my knee his earliest infant prayer ;
He has bis father's eager eyes I know.
And they say, 100 his mother's sunny hair.
But when be sleeps and smiles upon my
knee,
And I can feel his light breath come and
B°» *
I think of one—Heaven help and pity me!
Who loved me, and whom I lilved, long
ago.
Who might have been—ah, what I dare no t
think,
W* are all changed. God judges for us
best.
God help as do our daty, and not shrink,
And trust iu Heaven lor the rest.
But blame as women not, if some appear
Too cold at times, and some too gay and
light;
Some griefs gnaw deep nom* woes are hard
to bear,
Who knows the past ? And who can judge
us right ?
Ah, were we judged by what we might have
been,
And not by what we are—too apt to fall!
My little child—he sleeps and smiles between
These thoughts and me. Iu Heaven we
shall know ail.
True Heroism.
Let others write of battles fought,
Os bloody, ghastly fields.
Where honor greets tbe man who wins,
And death the mao who yields:
But I will write ot him who tights
And vanquisher his sins.
Who straggles on through weary years
Against biuiselt and wia*.
He is a hero staunch and brave
Who fights an unseen foe.
And puts at last beneath his feet
His passions base and low ;
Who stands erect in manhood's might
Undaunted, undismayed—
Tbe bravest mau who drew a sword
In toray or in raid.
It calls for something m<*e than brawn
Or music to o’ercome
Au enemy who marcheth not
With banner, plume arid drum
A foe forever lurking nigh,
With silent stealthy tread.
Forever near your board by day,
At night beside your bed.
AU honor, then, to that brave heart,
Though poor or rich he be,
Who struggles with his better part
Who conquers and is free.
He may not wear a hero’* crown.
Or fill a ocro'* grave,
teat truth will place his name among
Tbe bravest of the brave.
—Mr. A. 11. Stephens, of Gcot
jria, has turned editor. He will
find it reqnifes more brains, more
mental strain, to edit a newspaper
than he ever found it required to
practice law or be a member of Con
gress, however ignorant people may
think to the contrary. When to be
silent, what to keep back ; how to
present and press the trnth so as to
have all its effect. Mr. S. will have
most difficulty in keeping silent.—
Prederick Hews.
The Cuthbert (Ga.) Appeal
says he saw in Mr. J. C. Ward’s
garden in that place, “ Many white
head cabbage as large as a peck
measure. Are you not mistaken,
friend Appeal? ere thev not
“ long ccllards ? ” This was the on
ly vegetable of that species the soil
of Cuthbert would produce during
the war, when we sojourned for a
time in the plaoe.— Dalton Citizen.
We admit that our section is not
so well adapted to cabbage raisin '
as some other things ; but we raise
plenty of them harder than that ed
itor’s heal,
CUTHBERT afcfM APPEAL.
[For the Cuthbert Appeal.
People Will Think.
A little incident which transpired
not a thousand miles from my res
idence, suggests the following play
upon the word think.
Mrs. Q. having occnson, sent her
servant girl to Mrs. K’s. Soon after
entering the house, she was accost
ed by a young landy visitor, with
the question:
Does Eliza Jane Q-, have any
beaux ?
The servant being a great ad
mirer of Miss Eliza Jane, and feel
ing a little piqued at such an inter
rogatory, repled:
“ Boys don’t bother Miss Eliza
Jane’s mind, she don’t care any
thing about such stuff.”
At this impertinent, (rather I
think pertinent) reply of the lady
of color the young lady, (so called),
with a* would be dignified air, re
marked, .
“It’s on the other side, she can’t
get them.”
At this insinuation upon the fa
vorite Miss Eliza Jane, the servant
being of African descent, and tak
ing advantage of the relation she
bears to Bullock & Cos., with an
impudent toss of the head replied,
“I recon that Miss Eliza June
conld get as many beaux as yon, if
she would put herself to the troub
le of running around town after
them, as you do.”
People will talk, ami whore there
is so much thinking, there will be
some talking. As well try to bind
the forked lightning, as it Hashes
athw art the heavens, as to keep peo
ple from thinking. As to what
they think, that is the question.
Some have uood thoughts, some bad,
Some jolly, and some sad.
The statesman of other days, as j
he sat in deep meditation, long af
ter all nature was hushed to rest,
was thitAing for the good of his
country. Both mind and body, |
were engaged in the noble effort, of
assisting in the administration of
honesty and justice. The dema
gogue of to-day is thinking too, but
from the gingle of his pocket, (for
some how or other, little change
will gingle in the pockets of legis
lators, senators, congressmen, and
such golden characters) a thinking
man, would think, that his thoughts
were quite different from those of
the staunch old patriot, who wield
ed his sword alone for the equal
rights of the people.
That bright little dollar,esconced
so snugly iu the pocket of the rich
man, is not goiug to say a word, it
is only going to think, (you know
that we can’t help the exercise of
this God giving blessing;) but lis
ten to its silent little thoughts.—
What changes time brings! Not
many years ago, I was buried in the
dark recess of the earth, without a
ray of light to cheer my lonely
hours. I abandoned to a life of
darkness, and dispalr. At length
the monotony of things around me,
was brokeu by the voice o£ weep
ing; a strange man, bowed to the
earth with grief. Listen to his tale
of sorrow. A sick wife, hungry
children, and starvation ahead. As
he removed shovel after shovel of
dirt, drawing near, and still nearer
to me, he poured out his soul in
these plaintive notes of despair. I
have toiled long, and labored hard,
for what? that I might increase
the wealth of my oppressor; the
man who grinds the faces of the
poor. "God bless the poor! they
have no friend but Thee.
At length his eye fell upon me,
his spirit revives, and the dark
night of adversity, brings out bright
stars of hope. He thinks that his
day dawneth—that surely the shin
ing gold reflects its image .on the
heart of him for whom he has la
bored, so faithfully, will impress
his mind with the power of the
“golden rule,” thus compelling
him to reward his labor. To make
a long story short, I was washed,
polished, corned, aryl brought be.
fore the world, in my present allur
ing appearance. How I am the
light of the family circle, I am
greeted with smiles, in the church,
and on the street, I participate in
the mid-night revel. I listen un
moved, to the moan of the widow,
and the orphans wail. In a word
“I am monarch of all I survey.”
How passing strange, if the
thinking of the bright “little dol
lar,” does not put in motion the
wheel of thought in man.
The whole-soul physician, as he
burns the midnight lamp in his ef
fort to diagrose some difficult case,
is thinking too. His heart is en
gaged, in relieving pain, and rescu
ing from the icy arms of death,
some suffering fellow creature.
CUTHBERT, GEORGIA, FRIDAY, JULY 14, 1871.
The “woman’s right” woman, is
thinking that she is going to alter the
old regime of affairs, and establish
in a full literal sense, the truth of
these lines,
‘•Ye lords of creation, yon we call,
Who think yoa rule the world,
You are much mistaken after ail,
For you are under woman's control."
She thinks that she is going to
circumscribe the rights of man, to
so small a compass, that at her
mandate, thus for sbalt thou go,
and no farther, be will on bended
knee, exclaim, I am at your ser
vice madam.
The well-bred school girl, as she
pours over the difficult lines of Eu
clid, or plods leisurely along, over
the abstruse problems Os Trigonom
etry, is thinkiug of the future, fthen
through industry and energy, she
becomes the solace of pareuts, and
an ornament to society. Her
thoughts are not of how many of
the sterner sex she can
by vain, designing means. She
looks with scorn upon the many lit
tle efforts of young ladies of the
period, to attract the society of
young gentlemen. She watches
with contempt the dropping of a
sweet scented handkerchief, that
some beax ideal of fashion may
with his anon-white hand, place it,
within her own dainty fingers, and
sighs for oblivion, when she sees
her'own sex become so demoralized,
as to accidentally become intimate
friends with aunts and cousins, in
order to happen in when these lords
of creation are on hand.
Now, one good turn
another, and as I have been gene
rons enough to allow others • the
luxury of thoag!it ; I think that I
may, with propriety, enjoy the same
privilige. Well, I think that mind,
the source of thought, is widely di
versified.
In some : tis deep, in some 'tis shallow.
In some 'tis soft as melted tallow ;
and to this last class, ! think, that I '
will assign the fair young lady who j
thinks that a school girl should, to
the neglect of mental culture, and
the pleasures of home, parade the
streets, putting on airs, begging
and receiving the attention of young
gentlemen. I think, that any wo
man, who advocates such practices,
should, when women have their
rights, make an early application
for some important position on the
Brunswick & Albany Railroad.
lam through thinkiug for the
present, and will now allow my
kind readers to think for them
selves. llasseltixe.
Stephen Allen's Pocket-Piece*
Many years ago, the fir e steam
er, Henry Clay, which van between
New York and Albany, when on
her down trip and just opposite the
beautiful village of Yonkers, was
found to be on fire. The steamer
was iilMUf-diately headed for the
shoro, bat, notwithstanding its near
ness to the land, and the heroic ef
foi ts made to rescue the passengers,
'many lives were lost. Among the
victims was Stephen Alien,~Esq.,
; an aged man of the purest charac
ter, formerly a Mayor of New York,
beloved and esteemed by all who
knew' him. Ip his pocket-book was
found a printed slip, of which the
| following is a copy. If our young
1 men—and old ones, too—would
practice these precepts, the virtue,
patriotism, and prosperity of the
Nation would be vastly improved :
Keep good company or none.
Never be idle.
If your hands cannot be usefully
employed, cultivate your mind.
Always speak the truth. Make
few promises.
Live up to your engagements.
Keep your own secrets if you have
any.
When you speak to a person look
him in the face.
Good company and good conver
sation are the very sinews of vir
i tue.
Good character is above all things
else.
Your character cannot be essen
tially injured except by your own
1 acts.
If one speaks evil of you, live so
that none will believe him.
Drink no kind of intoxicating
liquors. -
Ever live (misfortunes excepted)
within your income.
When you retire, think over what
you have done during the day.
Make no haste to be rich, if you
would prosper.
Small and steady gains give com
petency with tranquility of mind.
Never play at any game of
chance.
Avoid temptation, through fear
you may not withstand it.
Earn money before you spend it.
Never run into debt unless you
see a way to get out again.
Never borrow, if you can possi
bly avoid it.
Do not marry until you are able
to support a wife.
Never speak evil of any one. Be
just before you are generous.
Keep yourself innoeeut if you
would be happy.
Save when yuu are youcg to spend
when you are old.
Read over the above maxims at
least once a week.
ADDRESS
TO THE PEOPLE OF THE UNITED STATES
BY THE DEMOCRATS IX COXGRESS.
The Democrats in Congress have
just issued the following address :
To the People of the United States:
Onr presence and official duties at
Washington have enabled ns to be
come fully acquainted with the ac
tions and designs of those who con
trol the Radical party, and we feel
called upon to utter a few words of
warning against the alarming strides
they have made towards centraliza
tion of power in the hands of Con
gress and the Executive. The time
and attention of the Radical leaders
have been almost wholly directed to
devising such legislation as will, in
their view, best preserve their as
cendancy, and no regard for the
wise restraints imposed by tbe Con
stitution has cheeked their reckless
and desperate career. The Presi
dent of the United States has been
forfnallv announced as a candidate
for re-election. The declaration of
his selfish supporters have been re
echoed by a subsidized press, and
the discipline of party has already
made adhesion to his personal for
tunes the supreme test of political
fealty. The partisan legislation to
which we refer was decreed and
shaped in secret caucus, where the
extremist counsels always domina
ted, and was adopted by a subserv
ient majority, if not with the intent,
certainly with the effect, to place in
the hands of the President, power
to command his own renomination,
and to employ the army, navy and
militia, at his sole discretion, as a
means of subserving bis personal
ambition. When the sad experience
of the last two years so disappoint
ing to the hopes and generons con
fidence of the country, is considered
in connection with the violent utter
ances and rash purposes of those
who control the President’s policy,
it is not surprising that the gravest
apprehension for the future peace
of the nation should be entertained.
At a time tbe labor is depressed and
every material interest is palsied by
oppressive taxation, the public offi
cers have been multiplied bevond
all precedent to serve as instru
ments in the perpetuation of power.
Partisanship is the only test ap
plied to the distribution of this vast
patronage. Honesty, fitness and
moral worth are openly discarded in
favor of truckling submission and
dishonorable compliance.
enormous defalcations and wide
spread corruption have followed as
the natural
pernicious system.
By the official report of the Sec
retary of the Ty eagnr y }t appears
fuat, after the deduction of all
proper credits, many millions of dol
lars rer jia i n dk, e from ex-collectors
tb,e internal revenue, and that no
proper diligence has ever been used
to collect them Reforms in the
revenue and fiscal systems, which
all experience demonstrates to be
necessary to a frugal administration
of the Government, as well as a
measure of relief to an overburden
ed people, have been persistently
postponed or wilfully neglected.
Congress now adjourns without
having even attempted to reduce
taxation or to repeal the glaring im
positions by which industry is crush
ed and impoverished. The Treasu
ry is overflowing and an excess of
eighty millions ot revenue is admit
ted, and yet, instead of some meas
ure of present relief, a barren and
delusive resolution is passed by the
senate to consider the tariff and ex
ercise systems hereafter, as if the
history of broken pledges and pre
tended remedies furnished any bet
■ ter assurance for future legislation
than experieneehas done in the past.
Ship-building and the carrying trade,
once sources of national pride and
prosperity, now languish under a
crushing load of taxation, and near
ly every other business interest is
struggling without profit, to main
tain itseif. Our agriculturists,
while paying heavy taxes on all they
consume, either to the government
or to monopolists, find the prices
for their own products so reduced
that honest labor is denied its j ust re
ward and industry is prostrated by
invidious discrimination. Nearly
200,000,000 acres of public lands,
which should have been reserved
especially for the benefit of the
people, have been voted away to
giant corporations, neglecting our
soldiers, enriching a handful! of
greedy speculators and lobbyists who
are thereby enabled to exercise a
most dangerous and corrupting in
fluence over State and Federal leg
islation. If the career of these
conspirators be not checked the
downfall of free government is in
evitable, and -with it Ihe elevation
of a military dictator on the ruins
of the Republic.
• Under the pretense of passing
laws, to enforce the fourteenth
amendment, and for other purpo
ses, Congress has conferred the
most despotic power upon the
Executive, and provided an official
machinery by which the liberties of
the people are menaced, and the sa
cred rights of local seif government
overthrown. Modelled up to the
sedition laws, so odious iu history
they are at variance with all the
sanctified theories of otir institutions,
and the construction given by these
Radical interpreters to the four
teenth amendment is, to use the
language of an eminent Senator—
Mr. Trumbull of Illinois—an “an
nihilation of the States.” Under
the last enforcement bill, “ the ex
ecutive may, iu his discretion thrust
aside the government of any State,
suspend the writ of habeas corpus,”
arrest its Governor, imprison or dis
perse the Legislature, silence its
Judges, and trample down its peo
ple under the armed heel of his
troops. Nothing is left to the citi
zen or the State which cau any lon
ger be called a right—all is changed
into mere sufferance.
Our hopes for redress are in the
calm, good sense, the “ sober, sec
end thought ” of the American peo
ple. We call upon them to be true
to themselves and their posterity,
and, disregarding party names and
minor differences, to insist upon a
decentralization of power and the
restriction of Federal authority with
in its just and proper limits, leaving
to the States that control over do
mestic affairs which is essential to
their happiness and good govern
ment.
Everything that malicious inge
nuity could suggest has been done
to irritate the people of the Middle
and Southern States. Gross and
exaggerated charges of disorder and
violence owe their origin to the mis
chievous minds of potential mana
gers in the Senate and House of
Representatives, to which the Ex
ecutive has, we regret to say, lent
his aid, and thus helped to inflame
the popular feeling. In all this
course of hostile legislation and
harsh resentment no word of con
ciliation, of kind encouragement, or
fraternal friendship, has ever been
spoken by the President or by Con
gress to the people of the Southern
States. They have Been addressed
only in the language of proscrip
tiou. IV e earnestly entreat our cit
izens in all parts of the Union to
spare no effort to maintain peace
and order, to carefully protect the
rights of every citizen, to preserve
kindly relations among all men, and
to discountenance and discourage
any violation of the rights of any
portion*of the peoplesetured under
the Constitutionorany of its amend
ments.
Let us, in conclusion,, earnestly
beg 'of yon uot to aid the present
attempts of Radioalp artisans to
stir up strife in the land ; to renew
the issues of the war, c x - to obstruct
the return of peace ucd prosperity
to the ‘Southern dtates, because it
is thus that they seek to divide the
attention o' x the country from the
corruption and extravagance, in
their administration of public
affairs, and the dangerons and prof
ligate attempts they are making to
wards the creation of a centralized
military: government.
In the five years of peace follow
ing the war the Radical adminis-,
tration have expended $1,200,000,-
000 for ordinary purposes' alone,
being within $>200,000,000 of the
aggregate amount spent for the
same purpose in war, and in peace,
during the seventy-one years pre
ceding Jane 30,1861, not including
'in either case the sum paid upon
principal or interest of the public
debt.
It is trifling with the intelligence
of the people for the Radical leaders
to pretend that this vast sum has
beeu honestly expended. Hun
dreds of millions of it has been
wantonly squandered.—The expen
ditures of the Government for the
fiscal year ending June 30, IS6I,
were Only 62,000,000; while, for
precisely the same purposes—civil
list, army, navy', pensions, and In
dians, 5j,164,000,000 were expended
during tbe fiscal year ending June
30, 187 CL
Vo indignation could be too
stern, and no scorn too severe for
the assertions by unscrupulous Rad
ical leaders that the great Demo
cratic party of the L nion has or
can have sympathy with disorders
or violence in any part of the coun
try in the deprivation of any man
of his rights under the Constitu
tion. It is to protect and perpet
uate the rights which every free
man cherishes, to revive in all
hearts the feelings of friendship,
affection and harmony, which are
the best guarantees of law and
order, and throw around the hum
blest citizen,. wherever he may be,
the protecting aegis of those safe
guards of personal liberty which
the fundamental laws of the land
assure, that we invoke the aid of
all good men in the work of peace
and reconstruction.
We invite their generous co-ope
ration, irrespective of all former
differences of opinion, so that the
harsh voice of discord may be si
lenced ; that anew and dangerous
sectional agitation be checked;
that the burdens of taxation, direct
and indirect, may be reduced to the
lowest point consistent with the
good faith to every just national ob
ligation, and with a strictly econom
ical administration of the govern
ment, and that the'States may be
restored in their integrity and true
relation to. our Federal Union.
[Signed by the Democratic mem
bers of Congress.]
—ln the last forty-eight months
under Radical rule, the debt of the
city of Philadelphia has been in
creased sixteen million* of dollars.
The canvass in Kentucky is
going on with activity. The rival
candidates for the different offices
are travelling about the State and
holding meetings together. In the
mountain counties Gov. Leslie, aud
Gen. Harlan, who are running
against each other for Governor,
are spending all their time togeth
er, driving from place to place in
the same carriage, and, where ac
commodations are limited, even
sleeping iu the same bed.
Letter from Young Mrs. White to
Her Aunt in Dublin.
Atlaxta, May, ISTI.
Mr Dear Aunt —Although you
told me, when I invited yon to my
wedding, that I was too young to
marry, and not capable of choosing
a mate for life properly, and with
due considerations, I know that
you now feel that I was wiser than
yon thought- In selecting dear
Orlando, I have gained a most affec
tionate and attentive hnsband, and
one who has neither a fault itor a
vice. Heavens! what must a girl
suffer who finds herself united to a
dissipated person, neglectful of her,
and disposed to seek the society
of unworthy persons, who drink,
smoke and Jo all sorts of dreadful
things 1
Thank Heavens, Orlando is per
fection.
To-day is my eighteenth, birth
day, and we have been married a
year. We keep house now, and I
can make pretty good {tie, only the
undercrust will be damp. Howev
er, I think that must be the oven.
Once I put peppermint in the pud
ding sauce, instead of lemon flavor
ing; but then Orlando was trying
to kiss me, right before the girV,
who didn’t much like either o* us
coming into the kitchen at al\.
The flowers are coming up beau
tifully in the back garden. We
§owed a great many seeds, but hard
ly expected so many plants.—
Among the most numerous is one
variety with, a very largo leaf that
scratches, one’s finger a, anil don’t
smell nice. I wonder what it is.—-
Orlando frightens lne by talking
about weeds; but seeds always
come up don’t they ?
Dear Orkmdo BI come back to
him again- -so excellent, temperate
and true. Tell all the girls to mar
ry as soon as they can, if they can
find a husband like mine.
I have but one trial—business
, takes him so much away from me.
A lawyer must attend to business,
j you know; and sometimes they
j carry on the eases until two at
night. Often and often he has to
i examine witnesses until half-past
twelve, and comes homo perfectly
: exhausted. And the nasty things
will smoke, so that his dear coat
quite smells of it. And as it makes
him as ill as it does, I have to air
i it, and spriukle the lining with co
logne water, before he dare put it
on again?
I had a terrible fright the other
night—dreadful. Orlando had told
me that business—l think he said
it was a case of life and death**
would detain him late. So I sat
up, as usual, with a book, and did
not worry until one o’clock. After
that I was a little anxious, I con
fess, and caught a cold in *iy head
peeping through the up-stairs win
dow-blinds; for, dear Aunt, it was
not until three o’clock that I heard
a c.ab driving up the street, and
saw it stop at onr door. Then I
thought I should faint, for I was
sure a dreadful accident happened
to Orlando.
I ran down to open the door, and
Mr. Smith, a friend of Orlando’s,
who is not, I confess, very much to
my taste—such a red faced, noisy
man—was just supporting my dear
boy up the steps.
“Ob, what has happened ?” cried
“ Don’t bo frightened, Mrs.
White,” said Mr. Smith. “Noth
ing at all. Only White is a little
exhausted. Application to busi
ness will exhaust a man, and I
thought I’d bring him home,”
“All right, Bell,” said Orlando.—
“Smith tells the truth, I’m exhaust
ed.”
And, dearest Aunt, he was so
much so that he spoke quite thick,
and couldn’t stand up without tot
tering. Mr. Smith was kind enough
to help him up stairs ; and he laid
upon the bed so prostrated that I
thought he was going to die. Then
I remembered the French brandy
you gave me, in case of sickness.—
I ran to get it out.
“Have a little brandy and water,
dear,” I said.
“The very thing. Smith is ex
hausted too. Give some to Smith,”
said he.
And I did so reproach myself for
not having thought of it before Mr.
Smith, was gone. But I gave a
glass to Orlando, and, under Prov
idence, I think it saved his life; for
oh, how bad he was !
“Bella,’’said he, quite faltering in
his speech, “the room is going round
so fast that I can’t catch your eye.
And besides, there’s two of you,
and I don’t know which is which.”
I knew these were dreadful symp
toms.
“Take a drink, dear,” said I, “and
I’ll try to wake Mary, and send for
the doctor.”
“No,” said he. “I’ll be all right
by morning. I’m all right now.—
Here’s your health. You’re a brick.
I—” and over he fell, fast asleep.
Oh, why do men think so much
of money making? Is not health
better than anything else ?
Os coarse, as he had laid down
in his hat, I took that off first.—
And I managed to divest him of
his coat. But when it came to his
boots—dearest Aunt, did you ever
take off a gentleman’s boots ? prob- j
ably not, as you are a single lady—
what a task ! flow do they ever get
them on? I pulled and pul ted and
putled, and shook and wriggled,
and gave it up. But it would not
do to leave them on all night; so
I went at it again, and over I went
on the floor, and into his hat, which
I had put down there for a minute.
I could have cried. And the oik-
came off the same way, just as
haid, and just as sudden at last.—
Then I put a soft blanket over Or
lando, and sat in my sewing chair
all night. Oh how heavily he
breathed! And had, as you may
fancy, the most dreadful fears. He
might have killed himself by his
over-application to business, for alt
I know. The perfect ones go first,
it is said.
However, imagine my delight
at noon next day he was able to
get np, eat a slice of toast and drink
a cup of strong tea, and declared
himself much better, though his
head ached.
How happy I was » I found my
self laughing oyer a little incident
that occurred that afternoon, as
though I had never had any trouble.
A lady’s glove fell out of Orlando's
pocket, and the fragments of a bo
quet. The boquet he had, of coarse,
bought for me thinking to be home
early, and the glove lie found in
the street.. Ami I pretended to be
jealous, and pulled his whiskers for
him.
Oh, how difficulty should I have
felt had anything happened to ray
beloved Orlando ! He has not had
so exhausting a day since, and, I
think, sees the folly of overwork;
though, if courts will keep open so
late, what can poor lawyers do ? I
think it is very inconsistent of the
Judge. I wonder whether he has a
wife— mean old thing !
Write to me soon. Your affec
tionate niece, Bella White.
P. S. A man called yesterday
and asked me to tell Mr! White
that Swig & Swallow would be
glad to-have that bill for champagne
—the amount SoO. I thought it
.was some mistake, since we used
none, but Orlando says it is some
times impossible to get anything
out of a witness without offering
him several bottles, and that this
mast be done at the counsel’s ex
pense. What a shame ! How hard
a life is a lawyer’s.
Yon, I know, will sympathize,
dear aunt. B. W.
A Racy .Sketch.
A. Head's Wonderful Adventures
with the K.K.K.
City Hotel,
Which it is New Orleans,
April —, 18—, )
I have joined ’em. I am a K.
K. K. feller. I run the risk of dy
ing some day (or night,) but I am
going to unbosom myself and make
a public expose of the K. K. K.
Once upon a time, when Night
had spread her sable mantilla o’er
the earth and pinned it with a moon,
I went to bed. People often go to
bed and who never sleep. They
have ears, but they see not; they
have eyes, but they hear not.
The clocks had tolled forth the.
I hour of twelve; the stuffed owl in
| the City Museum had gone to roost;
the statue of Andrew Jackson re
posed in silence; the snakes had
ceased their croaking, and the frogs
their biting; the musquitocS had
become humming, and “ all went
merry as a marriage belle n —to her
harsh. I was sleeping in my couch,
of couches like a June bug iu Jan
uary, but I did not snore. I never
| snore. Everybody would do it, I
presume if it was fashionable. But
■ to resume:
As I said, it was past midnight,
and I wa3 dreaming of my country
seat (a stool with three legs,) when
I was startled suddenly by a cold,
clammy, shrimpy hand upon ray
forehead. I awoke and arose up in
bed, to discover a figure clothed in
white sitting upon my bed. He (I
suppose he was a he) held in his
hand a roman cantHe, burning bine;
and in his left a sky rocket; his eyes
were gleaming balls of red fire, and
he had tw*o horns in his forehead,
besides several which he had taken
in his mottth. As I awoke, he wav
ed the torch three times around his
head and beckoned, like Hamlet’s
ghost, for me to follow him. I
arose from my bed and followed—
entirely in white. He led me thro’
winding streets, up dark alleys, and
finally brought me to a grave yard.
All this time he had never, for a
moment, taken his eyes of fire off
me. Arrived in the centre of the
grave yard, beside an unburied skel
eton between two thorn bashes, he
shot off his rocket, and glaring up
on me, said:
“ Mortuary mortal, I come from
tbe bloody den of the Bob Tailed
Scorpions. I am the chiefest among
10,000, ■and the one altogether love
ly ! Yoa see here, before you the
spectre of the Great Tribe of the
demoniac deathfnlly dragoons. I
am sent to warn, to defy, to drag
you to danger. Thrice the scor
pion’s tongue has hissed ; thrice the
bloody grave has gaped. Behold 1
I looked, and saw in letters of
blood upon the skeleton before me,
and surrounded by letters of fire,
53f*I AM DEAD.~*aa
(Illustrated by coffins and dag
gers.)
I gazed in horror, and exclaimed
in petrified accents ; “ f believe ye,
my boy,” and fainted.
When I recovered myself (and
my wallet) I found that I was trans- ’
ported to a subterranean dungeon
beneath terra tirma. It had all the
a place that was
worse than the place, itself. There
were blue lights, blue fellers and
blue flames.
Even “ the lights burned blue.” j
The 4going paragraph states that. ;
Any paragraph- might state the
same thing.
Brightly the “taller dip” can- 1
NO. 20
dies “ shone o’ef (through) tare wo
meu and brave men ! ”
W hen I had been taken inside
the dungeon I felt that I was d<>ue.
I was introduced to a baj-d crowd
in hard times. They formed around
me—the crowd, not the times—and
in a deep sepulchral tone that shook
the cave said :
“ Whence comes this mortuary
mortual, and is he trooly rural ? ”
My conductor answered for me.
and said, in tones of thunder—ami
lightning:
“He cao keep a hotel ; he can
sing like a martingale, swim like
an angel, gamble on tbe green, and
is loil to the corps.”
*' Let him pass,” said the Tycoon,
who thought I hadn’t a “hill hand."
I passed and found myself in the
inner chamber, where I saw nothing
but thunder; the veils of demons
and the rattling of chains; I heard
nothing but lightning, the flash of
gnnpovvder and the hist ditch, awl
I dreamed the dreams of the dreamy,
A mangled corpse stood upon a
pyramid of skulls, and holding in
his right hand a coffin" find in his
left hand a (pristine man) coughin’
two, exclaimed:
“Mortual, I am the Bloody Butch
er of the bogus plunderers of Raby*
lon. Swear to keep our secrets or
dye!” .
As I didu’t care to die, I swore.
Theu I was tetotally surrounded
by demons as looked like devils, not
one of whom bought their shirt? at
MoCown’s, who shrieked:
“ tie swears by the fiery flagon
found iu ferocious furnaces by fel
lers from Feliciana, that he does
not, never, did, and never will agalrfj
so help him Felis! ”
I was then stabbed by a sipail
sword, which was held in the hands
of every demon in pantalets around
me, theu dragged, boiled in a cauld
ron, set upon a hot grid-iron, slid
down a gangplank, walked over
cakes-of ice mutilated by the hair Os
my head, and finally tatooed and
scalped!
I was dragged through tubular
boilers to the tune of the “ Roguo’s
March,” stripped to the suit ofclbi.hes
in which I was born, powdered to
atoms, ami toki that I had a mission
to perform to all outside barbarians
—which it was to annihilate cvtgy
living thing, ami to kill every de
cade member of society. I acE-«ck
ded.-
“ Do you swear ? ”
“ I swear ! ”
J was tbcu clothed Ta habiliments
of woe, thrust iulo a den of WOrirfs
with only one bottie-of Mrs. Wioi
lows soothing syrup, and toki to
await the Impeachment Committee.
VARIETY.
A sap-headed boy Wrote to
his sweetheart, who had slighted
him that his brain was on fire, and
received the following reply :" Blow
it out.”
* — This is the way a Chicago
per announces a Fourth-or-July ora
tion : “E. R. Sherman will tako the
uncircumcised eagle by the tail, at
Kewaunoe, on the fourth, and smite
him thus.”
Olivia thinks A. T. Stewart
would be willing to colonize three
hundred starving women on Cheap
land in the South, so that they
might plant trees and get rich*
—An K oracle ’ v at Vow Orleans,
discoursing on the wonders of the
Mississippi, mentioned the iron cof
fin of De Soto, containing the gold
en trumpet given him by Queen
Victoria. “ What! ’’ exclaimed one,
“not Queen Victoria? ” “Yes, sir,
Queen Victoria.” * a Why, site
wasn’t born then by two hundred
years or more.” ." I don’t care if
she wasn’t,” was the bold reply, “I
reckon she eoukl leare it in her
will
The Rev. Henry Ward Beech
er said last Sunday: “Was there
ever a boy who learned to smoke
because he liked it ? Because he
wanted tobacco ? What islt? God
has set up a gate—-the most odious
gate, through which erery smokor
must pass, the gate of the temple
of vomit; and through it tliey go,
with retching infinite. Why is it?
Meft smoke, and boys must bo like
men; hence it id that we see *o
many cigars going around the street
with boys attached to them.”
—The Rome Commercial says :
Tom O’Connor and a friend were
sleeping in the hotel at Dalton,
when a thief stole tifrd hundred and
fifty dollars. O’Connor walked
down into the saloon of the hotel
and looked around awhile and tingl
ly walked up to a skooter standing
by the bar and collaring him says :
“ You are the man that stole my
money. Give it up.” And tfre
man, sure enough pulled it out ami
paid it over.
Rats. —A correspondent of the
Germantown Telegraph says that
the smell of a goat is obnoxious to
the nostrils of rats; that the two
won’t be friends and Companions
on any aecouut whatever and that
the introduction of goats to one’s
barn or premises will cause an ina
mediate stampede of all the rats.
Being sadly plagued by rats, hegpt
a couple of goats and has pot seen
a rat for upwards of two years.
A Yankee Will. — “Ths ?arij,
earnest way iu which some Ydnfiees
hate niggers afford really a curious
subject for study.” The other day
Mr. J. S. White died* leaving #7©.
000 to the University of Vermont
at Burlington, upon ttie express con
dition that no colored student should
ever receive a dollar of it.
