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and Appeal. VOL. V. CUTHBERT, GA„ THURSDAY, APRIL 30, 1885. NO. 12 STEVENS’ POTTERY! Near Mlledgevllle. P. 0., Stevens Pottery, Ga. Headquarters for Doublet! Glaze*! Vitrified Drain, Sewer, Culvert an<l Water Pi|K*s, from 2 to 24 inch calibre, tor Draining Land. R. R. Culverts, Road and Street Crossings and Well Curbing. Fire. Grate, Border and Hearth. Brick Smoke anil Hot Air Flues. Lining for Fur naces, Fire Brick for Setting Boilers, made to Order, any Shape or Style on short notice. Flower Paata. Swinging Baskets. Stumps, Chimney Thimbles and Tops. Fire Clay and Sand, waitable for Fur nace Building or other similar purposes. Correspondence Solicited. Our prices are reasonable. All we ask ia a trial. Stevens’ Bros. & Co. Proprietors- marl9 6m Furniture! I have just opened at the Owen A Sealjj old stand a NEW FURNITURE STORE, and will, at soon as it can be alii p|>ed from the Factories, have on hand s full line of everything usually kept in a -*FIRST-0LA3S RSTABLISHMENT*- of this kind. I propose to buv in large quantities, direct from Fac tories, and will compete in style and prices with any house in Georgia. B. W, Ellis will have full charge of the business, and will be found at his post at ail limes, ready to serve all in his usual fair and square manner. REMEMBER the place, Owen A Scaly old stand, East side Public Square, Cuthbcrt, Ga. Respectfully, J. w. STANFORD. January 22 6m. Protect (Monomania. Your Yard & Gardens. jyit-iy Enterprise ft Appeal SUBSCRIPTION PRICK : >necopy one year .... $1.5© 44 Kijrlit months . . . 1.00 44 Four months .... 50 ADVERTISING RATES: One flquare, (ten lines or less) 1 insertion $1.00 For each subsequent insertion . 50 All personal matter double price. Obituaries will be charged for as ithor advertisements. Advertisements inserted without ipeeificatiwi as to the number of in sertions, w ill be published until order ed out, and charged accordingly. All advertisements due when hand ed in. g—— J. J. WORSHAM. BJ5NTEST, CUTHBERT. GA. ’ Office over Postoffice. , xcptts If The Cheapest is Not the Best! C 1 O TO FOSTER'S I.rsiBF.It YARD, r mill get some good 3*0 ST, i-.u.mis. lt.VSK l'l.ANK. SII.I.S. SCANTLING, FLOORING, CEILING. ANI> WF.ATHKltllOARPING. The Flooring, Ceiling ami \Veathcr- honrding i» kept Dressed or in the Hoiifli to .nit tlie parties needing il. Hough flank of tlie Best, for Well Curbing, Flooring, Etc. Refused Plank, Scantlings, and Rough Edge or Sheeting, all at Rock Bottom Prices, For Cash, on the Wagon, or on presentation of Bill. Lumber can be had on any rea •onalilc time, when s|>ecial con tract or satisfactory arrangements are made. 00^ Lumber Yard at my old Stand. Respectfully, * J. A. FOSTER. Having removed to Eufaula, I have einploved Mr. MOSES SPEER to take charge of niv Lumber A anl. feWS-ct J. A. FOSTER. -West's Nerve and Brain Fills fbe great nerve and brain rem- -, (or sale, only at f J. W. STANFORD'S. faial ! Oil ami Lead never cheaper an now at J. W. YTAXioiin's. Tubnrro, Toliaeeo. Cheap, Medium and Fine, (or le very low. at .1. W. Stanford's. The nl»ove disease of the brain i* of iorv frequent occurrence than is gen erally supposed male ami female victim* being numbered xim>ti£ all classes. Ill .some eases it might be termed a fanciful chimera of the brain, the mind seeming to boon the h»okout for some new idea oi delusioq, which really has no foundation in fact. It seems to he an intellectual concentration upon one idea, the mind remaining clear upon every other point. The integrity 0 f the intellectual portion of the mind l»ecomes apparently overpowered bv the delusion ami remaining in a kind id quasi state, until the fal.-c idea becomes a ]m native conviction. Jealousy, ambition, disap pointment and any exciting cause crea ting an unexpected concentration of in tellectual forces, are frequent causes of monomania. A man's wife receiving sudden and unexpected information re lating to his amours with another wo man, which, although without any foun dation in fact, is revolved over and over in her excited mind until jealousy is thoroughly aroused, a species of mono mania being the result. These affections have become very an noying and grievous, and if not relieved are apt to cml In a more abnormal con dition of the brain, producing family quarrels, dissensions, accusations, de nials, Ac., between man and wife, lover and sweetheart. They should all be treated as cari\ as possible, and the most speedy and certain remedy is the use of I*. U. It., which produces an immediate transformation through the blood, tlie effects of which are felt and acknowl edged before using one bottle. The patients are all easily aroused #n certain subjects, and although ridicu lous in the extreme, cannot l»e convinc ed of their error. One party may pre sume that the whole human family a nr afflicted with some •’mineral poison.’ while yet another may argue that "pot ash mixtures” are poisoning the blood of the nation, and that revelation* from the Aluiightv placed him in a special position to oiler the only antidote, while' all else are frauds. These conditions emanate from those of honest ami pure motives, hut are i»owerless to throw off the shackles which bind them. The friends and relatives of all such should urge them to use B. B. B. and be cured, before more serious results occur, lead ing to insanity.- The actual and positive action of B. B. B. is of such paralleled nature as to convince any one of the un paralleled power it has over all l»l«>od poisons scrofulous sores, swellings and taints, kidney and rheumatic affections, catarrh, tetter, chronic ulcers and sores, Ac.. Ac. All these astounding cures are proven bv doctors, bankers, preachers, merchants, editors, farmers, and men and women here in Atlanta, where ev ery witness can be seen and talked with. April-9-1m. Wm. d, kiddoo, ATTOKAEi AT MW. Cnthbert, Ga. W ll.i. practice at any place in the State bv special contract. tf. W. R. THORNTON, DENTIST. CUTHBERT, GA. FFICK West Kide I'ublic Square, over 1*. 1.. Dunn’s store. fel>17-ly ' O Laundry and Toilet Soaps, Bon Ton anil Royal Gloss Stareli, Laundry Blueing, at L»w l*ri- ees, at T. S. TOWEL'S Drug Store. c-t Toilet Soaps, Finest Line in S. W. Ga.. at bottom figures, at ALLISON A SIMPSON’S. Silver Ware! At greatly reduced prices, to close out. at ct ALLISON A SIMPSON’S. Milo Maize! Base Balls and Bats, or a Forage Crop, superior to Tail Millet. For sale at T. S. POWELL'S. BLEG-ANT TOILET & LAUNDRY SOAPS, Unusually cheap, *t J. P. TOOMBS A BltO.'S, ct Mwke! e Universal Favorite, or the I Arcli Cigars, the best in tv, at ’ J. W. STAN FORD'S. »ainl the roof of your houses Browns Rublier Paint, anil nt fire, leaks, and decay. For nlv bv. J. W. Stanford. 9LANK BOOKS ry kind,size and style,cheap n ever before, at »Uf J. W. Stanford s Breakfast Bacon and Dried Beef, at ALLISON A SIMPSON'S. gt0 I’lie most handsome line of Papers, all kinds, ever offered before at J. W. STANFORD S Crabs and Olives, SON A SIMPSON'S. Croqiiet Sets, RUBBER BALLS, Marbles, Harmonicas AND JUST RECEIVED, AND For sale at T. S. POWELLS, Druggist, Bookseller and Stationer. ct Cotton Planters! Must be Sold! ct AT ALLISON A SIMPSON’S. H. I. GORTATOWSKY, Witckiater, Jeweler til Eumff. And Dealer in ClMka. Walrkw, Jewelry and Mlverwaye. All Clock and Watch Work War- marlO-ct ranted. Taylor’a Premium Cologne for sale at J. W. Ktanfoeds. . PAINT NOW! I am selling Strict ly Pure Lead, war ranted, and Linseed Oil at prices that will enable every body to paint up. Get my figures be fore you paint. J. W. Stanford. Highest Cash Price Paid for Corn, at ct ALLISON A SIMPSON S. Home Mixture Guano, MANUFACTURED BY The Columbus Fertiliser Co. FOB SAI.F. BY J. C. MABTIN, CUTHBEBT. 6E0BG1A. ALL on him for brier's Almanac j containing testimonials. He also buys bones for the Company. ’ jan-l-4m Another Reduction In Buggy and Wagon Harness. Examine our stock before you buy ct ALLISON A SIMPSON. DBUHKERNESS CUBED 15 ITS TARIOCS STAGES. Desire for stimulants entirely remov ed Home treatment. Medicine ran be administered without knowledge of pa tient. bv simply placing it in coffee, tea or any article of food. Cures guaranteed. $100 WILL EE PAID For all V case of drunkenness that Gold en Specific will not cure. Circulars containing testimonials and full particu lars sent free. Address GOLDEN SPECIFIC CO. je-19-Iy. I So Race St.. Cincinnati, O. To Sportsmen! Si Pm ad Kegs of Powder for $4. Shot. Wads and Primeis in pro portion. at ct ALLISON & SIMPSON S. For the Enterprise A Appeal. A WAR STORY. CHAPTER X. I fear 1 hare wearied my read era with my continued story, but tliis chapter will lie the last, when I hope something else will take its ptaee; isf' interest to all. At the close of the last chapter, if you remember, we were in line of battle behind unr breastworks, after fighting the last battle that was fought in the war at Benlon- ville, N. V. We did not fight any more at this place nor anywhere else. We left here mil after marching -one or two days, stopped and ramped. Gen. Johnson and his army were with us, and the 46tli Ga. regi meat waa with hint, and as I had two brothers in it I sent up pa pers for a transfer, or rattier a swap from the 27lh to the 46lh. Tlie pa|iers were approved, and I severed my connection with Co. A I hated to leave it, as the lioys felt almost like brothers. We had a good, clever set of officers, whose names I will here give: R. Patton, captain; E. Stewart, 1st I.ieuten ant; Joseph Little, 2d Lieutenant, and W. A. J. Teat, 3d Lieutenant, j This company lost 50 men who died, had 11 killed, 41 wounded, and 11 discharged, so you may know there was not many of the old ones who returned to their loved ones after tne surrender. I enjoyed the company of my brothers, as well as that of my old friends and ncighltors, fur it iisd ; been a long while since I hail bad j the pleasure of being with them. As tlie rations were scarce, I will tell you how a friend and myself got some meal. We started out one night to get some meal or corn, and went where the corn was. hut as a guard was there, we did not see any prospect of getting any there, and went to the big commissary tent, and lindiug no j guard present, I put iuy friend j forward to get it, as lie was more! ex|>erienced in the business; go ing in lie examined around the lent and found a sack with about hall a bushel of uieal and took it. although the head of the man in charge was lying right by it. We got very tired of it, however, for we started on the mareli next day, going through Raleigh, which was a beautiful city, and after march ing 7 or 8 miles beyond, cam|icd for the night. I got into another pressing scrape that night, and one that I fell right mean about, and consider it the worst of any I was guilty of during the war.— A short time after dark some sol diers came back to camps with meat, and upon inquiry found out where they got it; they said the old gentleman gave it to them. Six or eight of us started out to see if we could make a rise. When we got to the house the old gentleman had gone to bed and was asleep. We had some had boys along, and one or two of them were appointed to do the talking. He said he had some meat in his [msscssion, but it lielonged to a railroad com pany, and lie could not let us have it; the boys told him they must hare some, ami at last lie asked if they* would be satisfied with two sides, and they told him yes, hut when lie opened tlie door all of us went in, and, instead of two siilcs, nearly every one took a; piece of some kind. I got a slionl j der, and one of my mess was along ( and lie got some sugar. I hated to do the old gentleman so, but thought the enemy would come right on after ns and take it, and it looked as if we bad the best right to it, though 1 confess I felt bad about it. Wc marched for several days in the direction of Greensboro, and had to wade two creeks during the time. We met a soldier occasionally who would tell ns Lee bad surrendered, but we did not believe it. At length we heard that a dispatch bad liecn received at Brigadier headquar ters that Lee bad surrendered, and that Johnson and Sherman were negotiating for our surren der, and first one rumor and then another went through camps all day. Next morning our officers told us we had surrendered, and if any were disposed to make an attempt to escape they could take a horse apiece and make their way home. My brother and my self went to where the mules and wsgont and horses were, but to our surprise all that were fit for service, hail already been taken, to we decided to risk ourselves in the surrender than try to escape on such stock. W# were marched out into an old field wbeie we stacked oar arms and left them. 1 woe sad on this occasion, bat my heart was also made to rejoice at the tlionght ol getting out of the crml war. I knew we could not be worsted. We remained here for several days after the surren der, for some purpose I do not re ■needier what, and before we left the soldiers drew $1.28 in silver, the stock left being divided among us. We started homeward with happy hearts. We had enough to make ns rejoice and fill our hearts to overflow. We were away from home, some not having been home in four years, and exposed to all kind of weather, with only half enough to eat at times, and often marched until it looked as if we could not go any further. Then comes the worst part, the fighting. So taking all this into considera tion, we have enough to rejoice over, even if we were overpowered ami bad to surrender to an enemy. We marched in the direction of Sanlslmry. N. C.. and the second •lay, aw hile before night, stopped and camped near the city. I and another soldier went up in the city, and about the time we got thorr, cur cavalry charged the government corn and tobacco.— Thinking I had as tnncli right to it as they did. I went in and got some tobacco and two bushels ot corn, which I took off and sold for two dollars in silver. Somc of the soldiers look the cars here, but I marched until I crossed the Savannah river and went to Washington, Ga., where we all took the cars and went to Atlanta. Landing in Atlanta we remained long enough to gel our parole, and tlien got aboard the cars fur Macon, where wc boarded n train bound for Eutaula, and getting off at Oglethorpe looted it home, a distance of fifteen miles. Wc arrived at home a little after night, and made home folks hsp- py. I found my dear old mother as I hail left her nearly four rears ago, as active as some of tbegirla. though she waa over seventy years old, but like most old people her mind and strength bnd failed some. Well. I enjoyed myself with my family and the young ladies until the 24th of December. 1872, when I took one for a wife, and lived happily until last year, when 1 un fortunately lost her liy death, and am left to mourn my loss. This closes my campaign and life up • il now. I thank yon, Messrs. Editors, for your kindness in publishing my war record, and will now bid you adieu. Yours, truly. Wn. Lcthek Dovgi.ass. A Walkiag Skeleton. Mr. K. Springer, of Mechanics- burg. Pa., writes: “I was afflict ed with lung fever and abscess on lungs, and reduced to a walking skeleton. Got a free trial bottle of I)r. King's New Discovery tor Consumption, which did me so much good that 1 bought a dollar liottle. After using three bottles found myself once more a man, completely restored to health, with a hearty appetite, and a gain in flesh of 48 lbs.” Call at J. W. Stas fomi's Drug Store and gel a free trial iMitlle of this certain cure for all Lung Diseases. Large iKittles $1.00. Among the colonial possessions, or more correctly, dependencies, of Holland, there is a remarkable little state which, in its constitu tion and original costume of its inhabitants, surpasses the boldest dreams of the advocates of wo men's rights. In the island of Java, between the cities of Bata via and Samarane, is the kingdom of Bantam, which, altbongh trib utary to Holland, is an indepen dent state. The sovereign is, in deed, a man, bat all the rest of the government belongs to tlie fair sex. The king is entirely dc|icnilcnt upon bis state council. The highest authorities, military commanders and soldiers are, without exception, of the female sex. These a Blazons rule in tlie masculine style, wearing sharp steel points instead of spars. They carry a pointed lance, which they swing very gracefully, and also a musket, which is discharged at full gallop. The capital of this little state lies in the most pic turesque part of the island in a fruitful plain, and is defended by- two well kept fortresses. An Iowa lady, who was recently in a trance for several hours, says she went to heaven, and she as serts that there are plenty of pi anas there. If her state meat ia time there are certsisly beings there who know how to keep them in tuna as well os to play them.— Of course the angels cookl not he happy if the harmony was distart* ed by aomebeglaaar thumping on n cheap piano. Fort Plain, N. Y., April 9.— The celebrated fast of Kate Sinul- aey was terminated at 8 o’clock this morning by death. The first symptoms of her disease were manifested in July. 1882, by the twitching of her right arm and sharp pains through the bead. She did not give Up. howerer. un til October of that year, when she look the bed never to leave it. She ate sasall quantities of fond natil March 11, 1884, when, lie- cause it di,tressed her, and, as she claimed, because of lack of damn far food, she refund to eat aoylhiiqp Fur a few moMtho af ter she would take water in her mouth ami eject it without swal lowing any, but from August to Nnvemlier it is claimed by the family, who are trustworthy peo ple, that she took neither food nor liquids. From March to Thanksgiving day it is undis puted that she ate nothing. The actual fasting time, according to the re|mrt, was 394 days. Various physicians treated the case. Some pronounced il hyste ria, others said it was St. Vitus’ •lance, others called it chorea. The attending physician has been owerwbelmed with letters of inquiry about the case and patent medicines have been sent from all parts of the country. He said to day a change seemed to take place ia December, when the con stant motion of the body ceased to some extent. Miss Smulsey’a flesh began to waste, her sight lie came more dim, and fur the past week she was unconscious most all of tlie time. She was so emaciated that she weighed only 25 pounds. The house has been thronged to day by |icople anxious to see the remains, bat only those not actuated by curiosity were admitted. Several physicians will hold an autopsy to morrow. Miss Smulsey was about 21 years old, of German descent, anil pre vious to her illness was a dress maker. The disease first showed itself in the form of weakness, which baffled the physicians, and Mias Smulsey called upon one niter another ia vain. Last Thanks giving day she ex|ierienccd a pe culiar sensation like the break ing away of something in her stomach, and since then she has lieen able to take a little nourish ment in the sba|ic ol wine of whey. The invalid seemed to keep up her strength by mere will power, always having the hope of recov cry. For many months she sal up in bed, rocking sideways while holding her hands before her as if in the act of wringing them in anguish. When the change came on Thanksgiving day she was able to take nour ishment. The motion of her body ceasetl. The father and mother, a brother and two sisters are in good health. They can give no theory of the origin of the disease, only rememtiering that the girl lost all desire for food, and that whatever she took distressed her. I have bad n most distressing case of inherited srriifala for the last thirty yearn, which has lieen under treatment of many of our best known physicians without any visible effect, but was reliev ed by the use of Swift's S|iccific. I am sure if any one will give this aseilicine a fiatient, faithful trial it will give them the same relief, for my case was regarded almost hopeless by many. Of course, it would not take the same time or quantity for a younger person or the disease in earlier stage,. Even if it did not positively cure (which ia wlmoet impossible in cases of inherited afflicting), it will give you renewed strength, flesh, vitality, even although re dneed to a “confirmed invalid” as was my condition. For children who are weak, subject to colds, especially those inclined to catarrh, or fur any skin eruption, I consider it ia fallible. As a general household remedy, it Is unequalled. I wish it was in my power to do justice to this wonderful medicine. It has done so much for me, I feel I ran never repay my debt of grali tude. A. Lady or Athens. I certify that the aliovc was written by a lady whom I have known for years—of high social position, aad one whose statements merit a careful consideration. C. W. Lur, Athens, Ga. Feb. 20,1885. Tetter for Twenty Tears. I have suffered with tetter on my hands for over twenty years. It inatlc its nppearanee every win ter, and was exceedingly annoy ing. At times I was incapable of doing my household work. I tried every remedy that was sug gested and was treated by plirsi cians, but to no avail. Almut six months ago I waa induced to try Swift's S|iecific, and have taken six bottles. It lias entirelv cured me, there have bean no signs of return of the disease ap parent. My general health has been greatly improved. At a tonic sad blood purifier S. S. S. has no superior. Mas. M. J. Swann, July 15, ’84. Jackson Ga. Treatise on Blood and Skin Diseases mailed free. The Swift Specific Co., Drawer 3. Atlanta, Ga. Not long ago one of Barnum.n elephants was found to be in danger of losing his sense of sight A surgeon who had been called to examine the huge animal declar ed that if the elephant could be induced to submit to an opera tion the eye could be saved. Ac cordingly the poor animal was tied down, and some caustic fluid was dropped into one of his eyes, lie roared with pain, for the treat ment was severe. On the follow ing day the eye that hail been treated was much better, hut the surgeon thought he was going to haves terrible lime in operating on the other eye. Fancy his sur prise to find that as soon as the great beast heard his voice be stretched himself on the ground and peacefully submitted to the painful ordeai. The elephant had simply recognized the skill and friendly purpose of his benefac tor. An ex-Confederale story teller says that during one of Lee's bat tles near Richmond he ssw a comrade on his knees, with his hand held above his head, crying out, ‘Come long furlough; come along.” He wanted to have a finger taken off by a bullet so that he could go bouse. An officer came op behind him and gave him a violent kick. The soldier cried: “If that ain’t n discharge. I'll be hanged.” He said after ward that lie thought a piece of bunted shell had struck him. There ia a child near Madison, Fla., which has a growth of black hair on its bend, except on top, where then is n toll of hair per fectly white. It is a pleasure to read the fol lowing graceful and candid ex pressions from the Boston Ex press, a leading New England journal. It says: “Jefferson Davis and Gen. Grant arc rapidly eking out their last rounds of life as we go to press. It is not unlikely that before this issue of our paper reaches our readers, cither or both, may no longer be among the living. Many of the patters of the country are pregnant with eulogies of General Grant, but very little space is de voted to Mr. Davis. The latter personage is a marked historical character in our country, his rep utation is national, and his abili ties remarkable. Why should be fail to be remembered in such a supreme hour as this? It is trus that he was President of the Con federacy. and that he did all in his |iower to serve the cause which he represented, but lie should becrcil ited with high patriotic purpose, and also with an honest desire to do his best for wtiat he believed to be right and just for the South. That the South believed their cause to be just has never been doubted by broad and thoughtful minds. The people of that sec tion acted accordingly, and jx>ur- ed out their blood as freely as ifit was water. It is twenty years since tlila war was over, and we can all afford to charitably view the situation as it is—both North and South. As a United States Senator Mr. Dsvia won high and deserved reputation. He was the peer of Clay, Webster and Cal- linnn. That he clung to the South at the opening of the rebellion was natural and inevitable. He rttuld not have been an bonsst patriot and s sincere man. It is not only well but a duty to bear these things earnestly in mind, as the hero is passing his loot boars on earth. Allof us oagbtto be fair aad generous aad trnthfnl enough to admit his great talests. his in herent patriotism, ami bia sincere devotion to what be believed to be the trne interests of the people.” “How can I always win money at poker?’ writes an aaxioaa sub scriber ton Western editor: “How do I know," replied the journalist. “If I coakl da that, doyoa suppose I’d be fool eaoegb to edit n news paper?”—Puck. A Girl who Caa Sheet. Miss Lillian F. Smith, who styles herself the “California Girl Champion Rifle Shot of the World," gave a remarkably inter esting cxliiidlioa of her wonder ful skill and unerring precision with the rifle, Saturday evening. Around the wooden figure of a deer, *ns|iended in mid air, a num ber of glass balls were attached by- wires. Miss Lillian, with a seven poom) Ballaril rifle, carrying a 22 calibre cartridge, broke ball after ball, at a distance of 33 feet with unfailing aim, firing both from the right and left shoulder, shoot- lag with tha riGshuhl upside down and backward over the shoulder, sighting with a hand mirror.— These shots she repealed with the sights obscured by a card on the muzzle of the rifle. One of her most remarkable feats was the breaking of a glass ball revolving on a wire cord in a horizontal cir cle, with a radius of about six feet. This feat she also perform ed shooting backward, using a band mirror to sight with. Ten glass balls were sprung from a trap, with only a four foot rise, and every one was broken before they reached the floor. Twenty balls were attached to the deer, which was caused to swing, and everyone broken inside of a minute without a miss. Two small balls, no lar ger than a liazlenut, shared the same fate, and a uickcl five cent piece, concealed behind a card, was (ierforated in the center. Af ter the programme had lieen com pleted, Crittenden Robinson, the well known wing shot, bad acqui red such confidence in the accura cy af the aim of the young lady— who is really only a child of 14 years of age—that lie volunteered to hold the acc of clubs, which lie took from a pack of cards, in his hand, while she endeavored to perforate it anil she justified his confidence by pulling a ball thro' the center of the ace spot.—San Francisco Chronicle. H# XMciUHer Age. A north of England merchant, having lost his wife by death, or dered a sculptor to erect a hand some marble monument over her grave. Ou visiting the cemetery a week or two later, the merchant found that his instructions had been complied with. But on read ing the inscription he was surpris ed to find the remains described as those of “Sarah Angelina Smith, aged 137.” In hot haste and hot tenqier lie rushed down to the sculptor's. “What in the Elysian Fields" (or words to that effect), “made you put my wife's age down as 137? Didn't 1 tell you that she was oniy 37?” “Yes,” replied the sculptor, “that is so, but. you see, as I was putting a specially fine monument up, I thought it would sort of call attention to it il I put something out of the common on it. The funny epitaph business is played out, but centenarians are fashion able just now. aud as I thought you’d like [>eoplc to see that you'd done the fair thing hr your wife, 1 thought you wouldn't mind hav ing something startling put ou tin- inscription to attract attention. We're doing it for all the better class of gravestones.” The merchant was convinced, and the inscription remained. And that is how it happens that so many centenarians have been heard of lately.—Leeds Mercury. I All Sorts. I A bad jury in a law suit—per- jury. Cut down—the result of his first sliaTe. The literary man always has write on his side. Jokes are likeeggs. They can never be too fresh. Mormons ought to be good sai- ■ lors—they have so much marry- tiinc experience. In India a widow burns for her first husband. In this country she burns lor a second one. Tomatoes were formerly called “love apples.” They are certain ly very soft and easily “mashed.” The lay of the land in Montana is very high. That is. eggs are there quoted at ten cents each. Alaska seems to be the only re gion in the United States that lias, thus far, escaped the roller skat ing mania. • All animals have their good points, but for au abundance of the same none can compete with the porcupine. “No prima dona ever sings to her baby.” She probably does not waul to waste her sweetness on the infant heir, Tennyson says: “Men arc God's trees.” Some, however, who call at newspaper offices are not. They never leave. People who go up in a balloon together are generally conceded to be considerably “taken up with one another.” “He that loves noise must buy a pig," sail a Spanish proverb. In most cases, however, a baby will answer just as well. Anciently, in many parts of France, says a writer, when a sale of laud took place, it was the cus tom to have 12 adult witnesses, accompanied by 12 little boys; and when the price of the land was paid, and its surrender took place, the cars of the boys were I [mlled and they were severely beaten, so that the pain thus in flicted should leave an impression upon their memory, and, if re quired-afterward, they might hear witness to the sale. Later, when a criminal was being executed, parents whipped their children, so that they might take warning by the example and keep in the path of virtue. “When does a woman begin to grow old?" was lately asked in an assembly of French women, who arc said to be even more afraid of cicillir than the women of other countries. “With the first gray hair,” suggested one of the ladies, and “when she ceases to inspire love,” thought another. The de cision was finally put to a charm ing white haired matron of soma 70 years, who at once replied: “What do 1 know about il? You must ask an old woman to answer von such a question.”—A'eic l’ork Post. A Saperflaaas Boy. William Trotter has been pay ing his addresses to Miss Rosa Hsdsteer, of Waco. His visits bare not been very frequent of late, and last night. Tommy. Miss Rosa's younger brother, said:— “Yon ought to come and see us every evening. Mr. Trotter.” “Why. Johor?” “Because it makes sister Rosa so happy to have you go away. You ought never to miss an even ing.” They missed Trotter for the rest of that evening. Re Wants Ik An Arizona paper remarks : “Our craven con tent porary pre tends that it doesn't want any of flee. That is too thin, as every body knows how it tried to get the post office and failed. Wc don’t often boast but we believe that we could ran the post office in the way it should ran. and what is more, we believe we shall get it Anyhow, we are not afraid to say that we want it.ami will doerery thiag ws can to got it. Oar con temporary in a pretty small pota to. Whoopee?’ He Didn't Harry fur Beauty. “I hear that Swarkins is mar ried again.” “Yes, he's hitched again for a fact.” “Have you seen his wife?” “Yes.” “Is she good looking?” “Oh, no; she's a very plain body, but as strong as an ox. Yeti see, lie didn't care so mncli for beauty. What lie wanted was a woman who could dig potatoes and make them youngsters of his walk the chalk.” Where They Have tile Best of l r s. Life must be very pleasant in the Congo Instead of a roan having to rush home at 1 r. it. to give his wife four hours' lime to, prepare for the opera aud theu wait another half hour on the front steps until thetwo hundred and odd forgotten things are found and arranged, the Congo husband strolls home a few min utes before the |>crforinance be gins and simply says, “Sarah, adjust yonr hairpin. We will go to the opera.”—Pittsburg Tele graph. They were talking about the weight of different individuals in a certain family, and the daugh ter's young man, who was present. «|w>ke up before he thought, and said: “1 tell you that Jenny ain't so very light either, although she looks so.” And then lie looked suddenly conscious and blushed, aud Jenny became absorbed in studying a ehroino on the wall.— Exchange. A little girl in Pennsylvania who had listened to a temperance address for the first time in her life was so impressed and inter ested that she went home and wroto out tiie following rather novel pledge: “I promise not to drink rum, or wine, or brandy, or smoke, or swear, or cider either.” She signed it, and got several of her play mates to sign it also.