Newspaper Page Text
i up hill,
iid lo the Olid;
oiihlo to lend.
tight* t hut r
iiuplcfl to (i L
THE EGOTISM OF WOE.
From (lie ldo
Or t1u: Hiinidiim
Hut not any :
I do what I cm
• delight
Homing lea
ho bright—
lend,
llio mutt
h.trouble to lend..
hushed
■. me draw nig
•rushed
way to a High,
ent'i
abend
Who has trouble to lend.
And i;i
. will live out i....
Willi never a friend,
•'or I am the man
Who lias trouble to lend.
OV6RTH6CUFF
ISv Tamtio Day Jtursf.
WANT yon to
promise your
Mnggle, Mar
shall, not to go
nuy C n r t li o r
A than Perrin's
IB lln '* 10 ' ,0 * IHln0
by 5 o'clock.
Promise, now,
with ‘no fooling,'
mill I'll not
worry u bit."
Tbe speaker,
n girl of sixteen or thereabouts, looked
into the eyes of tbe little brother, who
nnswered with nil flit' of Injury:
"Well, Mnggle, ain’t I eight ini’ Tom
my ten? Mamina would not bo afraid,
an’ neither would Tommy's mamma.
It’s only yon nil’ grnn’ntn."
"Put you can climb lots of ,laics
this summer, when Ted or sbmo of tbe
older boys can go with you. Your
Mnggle would bo worried nil day If
slio Ihoughl you would go very far
nlono. Promise. No fooling!"
“All right; ‘no toolin'': we'll go lo
Perrin's im’ Pll bring you lots of wild
Mowers, ”
"Good-bye, then: Mngglo will trust
you, Give Mrs, Perrin my love."
Then the sister stooped and tho two
■exchanged u '.‘ling anil u kiss," an they
Always did when tho little brother wns
going nwny, oven for n tow hours, A
moment Inter she hom'd Marshall at
the gala saying to Tommy:
"Hurrah for a Jolly tlmo! Mngglo
fixed us up tho greatest lunch—apples
nil’ snn’wlclies an’ plo «n' choose. An'
I told her wo wouldn’t go any farther
than—"
■Sbo could not-dlsllngulsb the words
that followed, for the two boys bad
lost no IJmc In starling, but she stood
listening till tlielr voices bad (lied
away. Then sbo turned ns If to go
back lo her sweeping, but slopped and'
stood leaning on tho bundle of her
broom. Presently sbo slopped lo tho
Kitting room.
Meantime tbe boys hurried on with
linppy Iienrls and light root. The west
ern city was built near tho foot of
tho groat AVnhsnteh range, mid now
ns they looked toward the mnSstVo
mountain sides, Tommy sold:
“My, but it would seem funny not
to have any luoimtiiliis or eminus or
anything like wo have. M’hnf do you
s’poso boys do that don't lmvo 'em?"
“Guess 'tnjn’t nmeli fun to live In
such n plnoo," Marshall answered, with
jv sympathetic little laugh. Then lie
gave ii prolonged whistle and followed
it up with, "I say, Tommy: book at
that cliff. S’poso a fellow should moot
it bear or a coyote up there'/”
“Guess he'd -wish lie lived where
•there wasn't any mountains," Tommy
.responded.
The illlt (o which the boys referred
was an Immense dark-red reek. BOO
foot up tlio side of the mountain, Itself
150 feet high and ns ninny broad. Its
sides stood out from the great mass,
and to llie south looked precipitously
down Into it little sblo canon, long ago
worn nwny by tho rushing waters of
tlm mountain stream that was led
from the fields of perpetual suow.awny
up toward the summit.
Pretty spou Mrs. Perrin’s bouse emtio
In sight, a cosy plnoo, resting close up
to the side of tho mountain and stand
ing three hundred foot above tho city.
Hero llie boys halted. Mrs. Perrin was
Just mixing (bo biscuit for dinner
when Mnrshnll knocked at the door
mid said:
"Hullo, Mrs. Perrin. Maggie sends
lier love, and please can wo have a
•cup to get n drink?"
"Why, Marshall, Is that von?" Mrs,
Perrin exclaimed, as she rubbed tbe
Hour from her bands. “Of course yon
may lmvo a cup anil then you and
Tommy must lmvo dhincv with us."
"We brought ’our lunch. Mngglo
fixed us a fino one," Marshal nnswerd
us he took tho clip.
"But I am, going to lmvo fried
•chicken," slm snld.
Marshall turned and looked nt Tom-,
my to see If Ills consent could lie
gained, but Tommy wns nt that mo
ment Intent on throwing a stone at
a chipmunk that went running mvny
Jnto the-sage lmsh.
“And warm biscuit mid Jnui.” This
was added in a tempting voice.
Again Marshall looked appealingly
At Tommy, shook bis bond this time,
And so be answered with n sigh:
“I'll like to. but Tommy don’t know
you very well an’ I guess that’s why
ho rather not. I'm much obliged,
though. Good-bye. I’ll bring the cup
•hack as wo go homo."
The boys went off a little distance
mid ate, till not a scrap of broad, plo
or cheese reuiatnod. Then began the
search tor stones hud wild flowers, and
before they knew It. they bad come
right upon tbe toot of n trail.
“I say, Marsh, lot's explore u little
xvay up the trail so when we come
with Tod we'll know something about
It."
Kolb boys wore expert climbers anil
soon they bad made n hundred foot.
Flushed will) excitement mid full of
mnblllou, I boy forgot tlielr promise,
slid pressed on mid on. Higher mid
higher they climbed mid a last Tommy
exclaimed:
“My, but Hint's pretty!"
Mni'slmtl paused lo look. Below
them lay llie city 111 tlio midst of n
fertile valley. Yonder to the north the
Ogden Ulvcr wound Its way, like it
great silver cord, lo tbe west. To
tbe south they could so n tiny freight
train pulling Its wny along n miniature
truck mul then nwny off along tlio
western horizon the waters of tho
Groat Halt I,nice gleamed nud glistened
in tho sunlight.
"Guess It Is prolty. But look, Tom
my, Tlio sun Is gelling toward tlio
top of the mountain on tlio Island, an'
we’ve forgot our promise. Less harry
back.”
“1 never mount to eoino so high,”
Tommy answered, "but a fellow for
gets, I'm tired, loo. Didn’t know I
wns so tired till now. Let's rest just
a minute.”
They throw themselves on the
ground, but conscience wns nt. work
with bolli of thorn, mid soon Tommy
said:
“Look boro: we’re right on the cliff.
Let's go down Into the canon. Wo
can tunica It If wo go up n little fur
ther and wo’il save an hour nt least.”
But Marshall remembered bow ab
rupt tlio ascent bad looked ns they
came toward It In the morning mul
answered:
"Wo catt't do 11, Tommy, an’ b'sldes
1 promised Mngglu not lo climb, mi'
I'm gain* lo be careful nil* not" got
burl, an’ (lien Pll never break a prom
ise again," and bo swallowed it sob
Hint, hnd boon forclnfc Its way up ever
since lie bail realized whnt lie bad
dune.
"Now lnnk, Marshall,we c;mi go right
around Ibis rock mill climb down Into
tho canon easy from Unit gully up
there. I'll go first and you "
But Tommy got no further. How It
Impponed even Mnrshnll could not loll;
but lie heard Tommy cry out mul
knew ho had lost Ids footing hnd
fallen. Ilow far lie could uot see.TI6
wont to the rook mill called ngnlu and
again.
“Oh Tommy! Tommy!"
Not a word could be bear except tlio
echo of bis own video iis It struck the
walls of rock across the canon, mul
Marshall Inrued and spoil down the
mountain side. Sometimes the trail
was so sleep It seemed be would cer
tainly pitch forward and fall upon
Ids face: sometimes it was covered
by a mass of rocks and pebbles, Hint
slipped and rolled with him as be hur
ried on, but be did not euro for'nny-
llilug now, except to get help for
Tommy, and this purpose lent such
speed to Ills reel that hi but a little
over mi hour n dozen men were on
tholr wny to the mountains. At the
foot some one said, “Tlio boy wns be-
Ido himself with fright. Why, It
would be bard for n mini to make that
climb.. They’ certainly Were not so
high up, I'm going to look for Tommy
further down,” and so they spronil out
mid someliod until night came on, nud
still no nows was brought to Tommy's
mother, who waited so anxiously for
some uoij's from her boy. Other par-
lies wont out, and all night scores of
torches could be seen, lighting tbe
mountains and passing from oue point
to another. Surely no effort wns being
spared mid tbe watchers took 'courage;
but. when tlio first faint streaks of
dawn appeared, mid tbe eager oars
bad not caught I bo lougcd-Cor pistol
allot, fresh parties wont up’to relievo
those who wore exhausted from tbe
enroll of Ibu tijght.
About « o'clock In the morning Mar
shall was standing at the front gate
with a determined look upon bis face
when a man, n great, hearty mount
aineer, went past.
"Say, Mr. Iteynolds,” tbe boy called
out, “are Jrou going to bunt Tommy? 1
"That’s Just what 1 am, nud I’ll
not come back till lie Is found," was
the mountaineer's hearty response.
"Well, won’t you take me, an’ li
mo show you where to go? I’ve got
to help find Tommy, an’ the men
won't go where I / teil 'em.
Turning to Marshall's mother, who
bad just comc/out, Mr. Iteynolds found
her uot only/ willing but anxious to
have the boy go with him
"1 was iWing to take ldni and climb
with 1dm myself, If the men wouldn't,
sbo explained.
Arrlvefhmt the foot of tho mountain
they mot nSjnrty of men who laid been
out for houv5$kaiid putting tho eager
lad on Ids shoSjtjers, Sir. Iteynolds
said:
“Throe of you c®ie with me." Then
Tommy, with one log broken mul Ills | King, Victor Emmanuel Ferdinand
body all bruises from the fall, bml ; Marlu Jnnlvor, shares Ills father’s
been lifted to bo carried down tbe | opinion, for bis neipinlntnnce with tho
good nows Hint ho hnd been found wns Princess Helene, tho dark and regal-
hurrying to Ills mother. Twice ns lie ] looking daughter of tlio glnnt Prince
wns being taken down ho swooned, j Nicholas, of Montenegro, wns one
hut nt the carriage remedies wore which began In pnsslonnto admiration
waiting mid ho was brought buck to j nud ended In love—n love which lias
consciousness to hear Marshall ex- abided to this day, though they have
claiming: \ boon married nenrly four yours.
I know bo .wns there! I know It I It Isn't often that n royal marriage
all the time!'’ i contains n real romnnee. It Is usually
Poor Tommy bad spent n dr/adftll \ a inntter of convenience wholly. Tlio
night, nlouo on tho luouiitaln. Tlio State and not tlio heart gives the corn-
shock of tbe fall find made him tincon- [ maud to tlio nuptual altar. Not so
scions, and when ho came back to a ; tlio nmrrlnge of tho "Little Prince" of
realization of what lmq happened, lie Naples, and the beautiful but poverty-
know Marshal! must lmvo gone for < stricken Montenegrin, on Ills part, a:
liqip, lint night enmo on and lie won- i least, nud probably on hors also,
tiered whnt he should do If a coyote ; For though Victor Emmanuel III.
enmo whore lie wns. Tlion tlio torches Is not handsome to tho cyo or pos-
begun to slilno all around him, knd lio : sessed of ns many cubits ns one would
know the animals would bo In biding. ' like to sco in the stature of a king.
Several Hines the men bad boon very I bo lias graces of the mind not unnt-
nonr 1dm, lint bo was too weak to 1 tractive, and tastes accordant with Ids
make himself beard. Now,It wns nil wife’s, while Ills position, with Its
over mul when ho hoard Miirslinirs glitter nud Ito glamour, are of a klud
linppy voice mul realized Hint nt Iasi to nppettl to tho nature of this worn-
ho wns snfo ho opened Ills eyes and nil of a half barbaric rnco, a Slav,
looking at bis friend, said: i with all the Slavonic love of splendor.
"I say, Marsh, I wish I was ono ol ' Queen Holono wns born January. S,
those follows Hint live whore they 1873, with no very golden spoon In
don’t linvo any niomfiulus.”—Chicago ! her mouth. Slio wns tlio third of seven
Record. . . [ daughters horn In wedlock to Prince
I Nicholas, Lord of tho Black Mount-
a Cnnvn. Huntt r<ir Sjioitamen. aln Kingdom of Montenegro, a prln-
A now canvas boat for sportsmen's J elpnltty about the size of Rhode Island,
use Is trouted with it waterproof nud with loss tillable land on It than
composition to till the pares of the j thcro is on the Island of Newport, mid
tlu'cnds, to proservo tlio cloth nud keep I which boasted a population of 200,000
ll soft and pliable. Tlio gunwales are eotils, 00,000 of which were warriors,
made of second-growth nsb. The rods Hor father, bravest of men, and one
nro seven-eighths of mi Inch In diame
ter, Joined with brass ferrules, llie out
side ones of unusual strength and
thickness. Tlio ribs mid cross-bars are
of nsb, the braces, of stool, with lill
metal purls tinned. Tlit bottom Is of Ions to win tlio good will of this email
pine or California redwood, which Is but mighty people, who held one of
Joined with tight galvanized steel tlio "southern outposts of itussbi,”
Joints, and stiffened by bars that are ! sent for Helene nud made her an In
hold In place by malleable Iron staples, j of palace and u protege of
The Dot ton, Is made up of a central t.ie Cznrlnn, wl.n tho well understood
ITALY'S QUEEN A BEAUTY
lo Marshall, "Now show us where to
go and we’ll get there some way."
Following tbe boy’s direction, they |
went on up Into tlio canon until pres
ently bo said:
"Tommy fell over Hint ledge right |
up there, an’ I b’llovc lie’s on tbe rock j rr.isns ,r„. ones in Training to tj.rmn.
Just below It.” | Clarion nr Itnaala—Sin, I. Unisonally
Tlio road was stoop, but they inndo Ooiulitarmt to iin iim Mint Hagai*
I heir wny carefully, tip, up, stopping I Looking Woman In Kurops.
occasionally to halloa and waiting for | Itnly'n now Queen is the most beau-
mi answer. Finally there enmo n faint I tlful woman In Europe.
‘Here,” mul tbe three turned In tlio I Ho Haiti the Into King Humbert, mid
direction from which tho voice came, no one will deny that bo was a con-
In another minute n pebblo came roll-1 uolsour of womanly benuty. There
lug down from tlio lodge mid soon
tlio men wore bending over poor Tom.-
my, who smiled faintly and then
swooned.
A pistol wns fired mul another took
It up, and auOtuer mill another before
no man on uny throne, or off it,
moro gnllant. more chivalrous, more
quick to recognize tho good points of
it woinnn tbnn tlio thnn'who lias Just
fallen victim to an assassin's bullet.
And It Is probable that tlio present
of tlio strongest, bold bis tawdry king
■lorn by tbe right of might, ns well s
blrtli. Ho hnd high ambitions for Ills
favorite mid most beautiful daughter,
nud when tho lute Cznr of Russia! nnx-
board lo which wings nro binged on
either 'side, which fold under In pack
ing. Tbe ribs nro folded down elosu on
llie bottom, to which they nro perma
nently iillaobed. The point: Is mndo
purpose of marrying lior to Ills sou, tho
young girl’s wildest dreams seemed
on tlio point of becoming realities.
Tbe Czarina fell In with tier hus
band's Idea, and the Montenegrin wns
Hint thcro nro no loose pieces except \ treated ns kindly and nb lovingly ns
In tbe gun . ales, so that nothing can lf <*• ' vorc « daughter. Sbo bore her-
ho left behind when the boat ronclios ] ? elt becomingly, nud those who saw
tho wilt or. Tlio canvas entirely cov- ! »><* would scarcely have imagined that
ors llio framework, mid Is formed with- , wu * brought up lu a squalid little
out seams. It. Is fastened to the gun- of ■"*» nl ‘“'>ltn.its among tno
wales by r.iwlddc straps tanned In oil, i !cnl,s ’ Pcttluje by name where her
furnished will, tinned buckles. This : was more like a highland chief-
mode of flistening takes up all the 1,1,1 than the ruler oa people accord-
slack canvas. The botiom of till can- ln « t °, f tl,c u,oue t t ? „
VOS ends or the.boat Is protected with 1 ' vas ,lot to be. Nicholas, the
brass Shields to prevent tbe wear of j l 11 ' 0 ”™ 1 C “T' would not have It. Ho
the canvas by gravel In binding. Tlio ou tho ™ ,1W woma »* wltl !
. ... n fjinrt over which men raved and
boat cr.n bo sot up In five minutes.
When folded It occupies eight by thir
teen Inches of Hour space nud Is forty-
four Inches high. The bbnt has grant
carrying capacity and Is of extremely
light draft. Its solid bottom affords a
firm footing for casting mul shooting.
The boat Is unsluknble.
Libraries of done*.
Certain of tlio medical schools of llie
universities have started "lending li
braries," lu which bones take the
place ol' books on tbe shelves, mid are a small antagonist like Russia,
lent out on exactly the same system '*
ji fneb over which men raved mid
women wept, for Its beauty, mid tho
form of Hebe, with admiration, but
when It enmo to marrying her lie said
no. Instead lie married Allx of Ilcsse,
and Helene of Montenegro went back
to her father’s court,’ her groat ambi
tion thwarted.
As for Prince Nicholas, bo wns so
angry that the wonder Is Hint be did
not declnre war on lttissln thou and
there. Ho who luiu touglit the Turk
nud conquered him would not much
ns In a circulating library, Tbe stu
dent on paying n small sum can bor-
If Ilusslii' would only come tip to his
Black Mountains for the light.
It Is snld that Nicholas later tried
row any bone In the collection; and . arrange a marriage between Ills
daughter and the King of Herrin, Al
exander, but Hint slio turned up lior
by renewing llie loan every week keep
It for n month. Home of tbe libraries
are valued us high us $25,000, A com- ! mul {teetered him to be a nasty
'plate skeleton Is worth from 830 to ' follow, a verdict which nations have
$100 according to its condition. A echoed.
skull brings from $1 to $5: and u per- But though tlio Russian Nicholas
foot specimen—a comparative rarity— ! would not marry Heieue, be did not
ns much ns $50. Leg, arm and collar j wish to be on bad terms with lier
father. With great care bo nud bis
wife pushed the fortunes of the beau
tiful Montenegrin. And It wns while
slio was a guest of the Cznrlnn nt tlielr
coronation that tlio engagement with
Victor of Naples was announced.
It Is snld that the royal lovers met
first at Athens, where tile Prince, an
bones command a randy market nt
from 25 eeuts to $1 each, while a per
fect string of spinal vertebrae Is val
ued nt $5.
An Ait.lrallnn Snnvr Country.
Botanical students visiting Australia
will 'find much to engross tlielr atten
tion in tlio Now South Wales onow ardent yachtsman, 'was cruising. He
country, and probably be enabled to lmd been engaged and disengaged In
discover fresh forms of nlpiuo life, lmt; turn with, every eligible princess. !n
tlielr Investigations must bo mndo dur-1 Europe, mul linil really cored for none,
big tlio warmer period of the year, ; Hls’tusto did not lend him much Into
from November to February, the son- i the society of women. He loved bis
son In the Northern Hemisphere being | yacht. Mo loved tbe chase. He loved
reversed In the Southern. The alpine ' tbe nrts of war, In which he bail per-
country Is easily ranched from Sydney, footed himself. But be was believed
n few hours' ride by rail bringing the to bo a woman lmter.
visitor to Its fringe, tbe tracks up Mt. But when lie met the dark beauty
Kosciusko being well dofinod, and j of the mountains bo was a woman
guides for tho lesser known portions hater no longer. For several years bo
readily procurable. . I cruised In'the same waters each year,
; meeting each time the woman of Ills
K.tabll.licit over looo venre Ago. : heart. One day be persuaded her to
No list of newspaper curiosities go on a pleasure trip to Venice. He
himself tvns opposed to tbe politics, be
gave bis Consent to the union, nt Mos
cow, and Hie Princess received a $200,-
000 bracelet, which wns worth more
than nil the other jewels she bail ever
possessed.
Tbe wedding tipi: place In Romo In
October, 1S00. Ijluco then the Prince
nud Princess linvo enjoyed life. They
broke llie hearts of the Nnpolltnns by
leaving Naples and taking up tlielr
residence In Rome, dividing their time
between Hint city nml Florence, tlielr
yaelit nnd tlielr shooting plnco on
Monte Christo Islnnil, which Victor
bought especially for that purpose.—
New York Journal.
STRUCK BY LICHTNINC ON A MOWER
l'ouml Alter Severs! Ilnurs In tlio Posi
tion In Wlduli He Unit lteen Sluing.
President T. \Y. Buell, of the Asso
ciated Chnrltles, who returned recent
ly from a visit at Burlington, Wis., told
of a peculinr fntnllty near that place.
In which a man driving n mowing ma
chine was struck by lightning mul left
still sitting on Ills machine ns though
petrified.
William Olp was the victim of the
accident, nnd was a farmhand em
ployed by Peter Bnrtlctson on the Har
low farm. Ho was In the meadow nt
work when a sudden thunderstorm
came up. Ho saw the stormclouds
coining up, It appeared from tbe rnnn-
uer In which Ills body was found, nnd
started back. Tlio storm came up so
rapidly, however, that be did not have
time to reach shelter before the storm
wns upon him.
He hnd raised tbe knives from Ibo
ground, and still lind Ills baud on tbe
lever controlling the blade when n bolt
of lightning struck. The Iron of the
machine seemed to nttruet the light
ning, for both horses were killed nnd
Olp also wns struck dead. While tho
liorsos fell together when killed’ by the
stroke, Olp remained lu bis sent on tlio
machine, dead though lie wns.
Tbe storm came up in the early af
ternoon nnd Olp’s employers supposed
that he lmd gone under shelter when
tho storm broke and resumed Ids mow
ing soon afterward when the sky wnH
again clear. Whoa he did uot return
to the bouse for Buppor Ills employer
began to look for him.- The horses
and the mowing machine were found
to be out of tlielr necustomed place In
the barn mid tlio farmer, and bis fam
ily started out to the field to bunt for
tbe missing mail.
It wns dark when they started, and
after a short senrch they saw the figure
of n mall outlined against the sky.
One baud still rested on tho machine
lever, while the other firmly grasped
tbe reins with which tbe dead man lmd
been guiding bis horses when death
came. Ills body was right as Iron •
when found, and it wns with consider
able difficulty that tbe limbs were
straightened after mi undertaker bail
been summoned.—Milwaukee Sentinel.
Mr. Wont*’* Mlm»d ven I ii rep.
A sad slory Is told by the Shanghai
Mercury of a certain Mr. Wong, who
on the strength of a visit to America,
"with Its passionate joy nud dull de
spair,” wns appointed by Ll Hung
(.’bang to command 500 Chinese sol
diers.
While bo was on the parade ground
one of the soldiers could not help
laughing, whereon lie lost Ids temper,
and, grasping the scabbard of Ills
sword, Hung It nt the soldier. The Int
ter, running nwny, lie ordered him lo
bo caught and brought before hhu to
be punished by bamboolug for breach
of discipline.
Thereon the soldier shouted out
‘save life," and abused the command
ant.
Commander Wong, becoming more
nml more excited and angry, took a'
sword anil was going to kill lilm. The
'soldier bad Ids partisans, nnd they nlso
got excited nnd wnnteil to seize and
punish Wong for over severity.
Just ns they were on the point of
raising a revolt Wong became so
frightened Hint bo decided to leave 1/
tbe back door to save bis own life.
Thus Is military prestige maintained
lu Canton. *
would lie complete tbnt did not in
elude tbe iiln-Pnu of Pekin. Like
most things In the Celestial king
dom, It Is easily first In point of an
tiquity, for It has been published con-
tnuously for over 1000 years. It be
gan ns a monthly, became a weekly
lu 1301, and since the beginning of
the century 1ms bccu n dally. It is
uow quite up to date, publishing three
editions a day. and to safeguard tho
purchaser, each edition is printed on
different colored paper, the first being
yel|ow, tbe second white and the last
gray.—Loudon Chronicle.
did not tell her want Ills scheme was.
It wns to have her meet King Hum
bert and Queen Mnrgberlta as lf by
chance.
That meeting wns most snccessful.
It was then that tbe gallant King de
clared her to be the most beautiful
woman in Europe, nud after that the
pathway of the royal lovers was
strewn with roses.
The betrothal would have taken
place before it did were it not that It
was considered bad policy. Tbe Cab
inet was ngalust It. So King Humbert
cot another Cabinet, and while be
Jlendlnc Him On.
Miss Frocks thought that she detect
ed symptoms of growling sentimental
ity In young Mr. Dolloy, and she de
termined that sbo would discourage
lilm. Her kindly efforts to make It
apparent that Ids advances were un
welcome were of no avail, however.
He was too dense, or too egotistical,
to see that she regarded 1dm only with
toleration, and lie rushed on to bis
doom.
"Miss Frocks,” snld be, assuming a
languishing attitude and a manner in
tended to be expressive of his love
lorn condition, "I am going to ask you
11 question which, no doubt, has beeu
put to you many a time before,
and-:—••
“Oil, I know whnt you are going to
say," the girl cut In. "Yes. I’ve been
asked tlio question a grant many
times, nnd I’m going to answer It this
time before I am asked again."
Mr. Dolley looked at her In a dazed
sort of wny, nnd she went on:
“Yes. I do play golf.”—Harper’s Ba
zar.
Chips From the Political Slump.
He Is a wise candidate whose speech
Is shorter than people thought It would
be.
A man never loses anything by giv
ing :hls adversary credit for being hon-
estlf there is no proof that he Isn’t.
The politician without a nlcknnma
lias much to overcome.
Few people think they are getting
tlielr money’s worth at a joint debate
Hint Is not a Jawing match.
In the opinion of tho multitude a
strong argument cannot come from tlio
mouth of a man with a weak voice.
The man whose shout Is loud can
vote no oftener than lie that merely
tliiuks.—Chicago Tlmes IIerald.
THE MERRY SI1)E0F LIFE,
STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE
FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS.
Coir— Whero tlie Dinerenco Como* m-
Tttklnt; Ni» OhutireN — UiiiiHpoHaary —
Nearer nt I(hm<1 — Fully Prepuretl —
Fulled to Enjoy It, Etc., Etc*
A wlmng—a whirring thro' tlie nir—
Two hundred yards to walk,
another whang—nn hour’s search
Mude warm with low-breathed ta!!i.
A triplication of the whang—
The walk And talk the
The green—a pretense at croquet-
And that’s the goliing game.
Life.
Where the llinevouce Cnmo* In.
Tommy—“Pop, wlint’s tlio difference
between n*tragedy nud a comedy?”
Tommy’s Pop—“The way It’s acted,
my son.”
Taking No Chnnrnff.
Mr. Stubb—'“Marin, what has become
of the clock cuckoo?”
Mrs. Stubb—“I sent him nwny. .Tolm.
You know the paper nnld birda hold
microbe*.”
Unnecessary.
Mrs. Ronham—“Our boy doesn’t seem
to learn to talk.”
Bonham—“Well. *what’s the use of
Ills learning? He’ll probably mu cry
some day.”—Harper’s Bazar.
Nearer nt limn!.
“Did you ever reflect ou the Immen
sity of the solar system?*'
“No. I’ve got my mind full reflecting
on the size of the note I have to pay
uext week.”—Cleveland Plain-Denier.
Folly Proporeil.
“Don’t you dare kiss me,” she cried
warn! ugly.
“Why. I wasn’t thinking of such a
thing,” he said.
“Well, l was.” she replied flrmly.—
Answers.
Fulled to Enjoy It.
Acquaintance—“Ilow did you enjoy
your trip on the lake?”
Mrs. Upjohn (who lmd been violently
seasick)—“Not at all. It Is such au
uudigullled way to travel.”—Chicago
Tribune.
A Safe Ouobr.
“I waited for three solid ltpurs for
tbnt palm render to get around to me."
"Well?”
“He told me I didn't get on In life
because of my tendency to fool away
time.”
' Tncrnflulnus Sometimes.
Mrs.-flintier—'"Do you believe.all tbe
disagreeable things you read lit the
papers about people?"
Sirs. Tattle—"Ob, dear, no —only
when they are about people I know."—
Chicago News.
Tim Impossible Against Him,
“Did the doctor say whnt made poor
Billy Joppa lose bis mlud?"
“Yes, be lias been trying to construct
nil autocall so light that lie could carry
It home on bis back if It got balky."—
Chicago Record.
Vocal l'oeslblllttos.
“Do you think, professor,” snld a mu
sically ambitious youth, “that I can
ever do anything with my voice?”
“Well,” was the cautious reply, “It
may come In lmudy to holler with In
ease of lire?’—Answers.
No Olmullflli Ole**,
“I suppose you’ve heard,” said she
coyly, “that I’m to marry Mr. Soph-
tie?”
“No,” he replied, coldly, “are you?”
“Yes; you Uou’t seem to be very glad
about It.”
“Why should I lie? Sophtlc never
did me nuy harm.”—Philadelphia
Press. »
A New Scheme.
“Her marriage seems to be lmppiei
than the majority of that kind.*'
“Yes, nnd It’s all owing to the wis
dom of hor father. Instead of settling
a fortune upon them, he gives Ids ti
tled son-in-law an allowance that Is to
cense If they ever separate.”
“Oh, I see. Iustead of buying n bus-
band for her, he has secured one ou
a salary.”—Chicago Post.
nin IlHmnrknblo lllnti*.
Prospective Purchaser (to Bird Fan*
eler)—“I should like those pigeons aw
fully, but Pm afraid If I sent them up
miles from home they’d never get
back, what?”
Bird Fancier— 1 “That's nil right,
Guv’nor! You see I crosses my pig
eons with parrots, so that If they do
lose tlielr wny they can ask!”
A deal nt once.—Moonshine. I,
A ItuHMuner.
“Mrs. FeathenveU’s new hat Is tho
very latest style. Isn’t It?” remarked
Mr. Blyklus.
”Yes,” answered his wife. “But how
did you lcuow It? You say j'ou pay no
attention to fashions.”.
“There couldn’t be any, mistake in
this case. If it'weren’t in tlie latest
style she wouldn’t dare' tb wehr any
thing so ugly.”—Washlngon Star.
Ills Great Falling.
“Clarence,” Bhe said, “you don’t love
me as you once did!”
“How do you know?” demanded
Clarence, fiercely.
“Because you try to make up to
me by politeness nnd consideration
what you lack In real feeling.
“A curse upon the nrtlessuess nnd
trnuspareucy of my nature!” groaned
the youug man. “She has round me
outr
Dennlttdn of t lie Word.
“What does ‘honeymoon’ mean,
papa?” asked tho smnli boy. '
Th<>old gentleman coughed , once or
twice nnd looked at his wife.y
“You know what ‘honey’ means In
slang, don’t you?” he asked at length.
“It means ‘money,’ ” answered the
boy.
“Precisely. Well, ‘moon’ Is a period,
and ‘honeyinob^i*—well, figure it out
for yourself. It's t^nsy."-Chicago I'ost.