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ONCE ON A TIME One® on n Mm*. f*o fw been toUl,) Thorn lived ft rich mim'd daughter Who wiilcd away t«» countries old, That lie MnrodH the wn1«r; leaving hnliind her, all forlorn, A heart with sorrow laden-- An impecunious heart, high-born— That lovul this charming maiden. CJnyly who danced through foreign landa, And right from the hoginning Wan followed by large, adoring hands Of peers, l>ent on her winning; Marquis and Duke and Count and Karl Devotedly were Irniling, Eager to land Inin golden girl And silence tradesmen's wailing. Binding on one find all she went, Nor seemed to want their wooing; Merely on her own pleasure hent, While famous ruins viewing; Hade in her native land, she knew, A wealth of mil devotion Was waiting for her, so loyal, true, jIVi paler name one day in glee And told his lovely daughter That with Ill's ducats ample he A title proud had bought her; He was a hit too old. 'twas true. Had go • Hut iiavir In of hr idigestio on highlit To c ■ the < Gayjy the maiden laughed, and then phi! startled her good pater By telling him firmly that, with men Kilo that he ne’er could mate her; “Titles are naught to me," she cried, * ‘"’Tis loyal love I crave, Sir; And to dear Jack, whnte’er betide, My heart I freely gave, Sir." Swiftly she sailed to he Jack's wife; (At least, f heard it staled;) Gladly her bright anil happy life To love she consecrated; When did this Mnnen? You propound A query old and hoary; lwction wifcn t ruth do not. confound— —Colorado Springn Gazette. I EFFIE’S LEGACY. ' i S —— jg BY FLORENCE B. MALLOWELL. LL n~T ° think tlmt I can’t go I just because 1 have noth ing (It to wear! Ami I 4- linvo udVor been to II real parly hi my lift only tbu < | nil 11 n tr liens ami upplaqmring frolics given nronnil lu re! Ami the Faulkners nrc Fiidi nice peoplol I wonder they even thought of asking me! And now to linve to decline! It does seem too hard I” And the tears rushed to KRle Crof- ton’s eyes and rolled slowly down her rosy clicclts. •'Wouldn't your blue muslin, If care fully wash—" “Aunt Hopsy! That old, worn-out rug! What can you he thinking of? No. I'll have to stay at home; that's nil there Is about It, anil I might ns well mnko the best of It.” And Klllc rose from her sent 111 the old wooden rocker, throw on tho kitch en table tho ilalnly note of Invitation, mid, walking lo the window, stood there looking out on the fnrm-ynrd, the old red imrn, nnd the pencil trees lonilcd with pink bloom, hut seeing nothing because of those hot, rebel lious tears that tilled her young eyes. “I wish I could help you, sister,” Fold Herman, who wns sitting on the step of the kitchen door, caressing the silky cars' of u beautiful brown nnd white Hotter dog. "But I don't seo liow It Is possible. It will take every penny I call scrape together to pay the Interest cn tile mortgage, due next Thursday.” , “i don't expect you to help me," re. Joined 13111c, without turning from ilio window. “1 vo given up expecting anything. I suppose I shall stay all my life oil tlyls old farm, never having nuiuBcmcnt of any kind, nnd wearing ■lark calicoes nnd wuslied-out inuslliis from January to December. • I some- mines think I actually hate the farm, and every tree and Bpenr of grass on IL" "Eflloj Ellle!" Aunt Hopsy looked over her steel-bowed glasses In sur prise nnd rebuke. “Yon. don’t know what you are saying, child." "I know tlmt I'd leave the farm If I could," cried Eflle, unmindful of the pained look on her brother’s face "Wo shall never bo any better off, nnd It will bo work and grind to tile end of the chapter. It mnktjs mo fairly elck to think of It.” "You sUquud not talk tlmt way be fore Hcrmnn, Kllle," suld Aunt.Ilcpsy, ns the young man rose from tho step nnd walked towards tho barn, Leo following «t JUs heels. “You khow liow linrd lie 1ms to work, nml how carefully lie lms had to manage) things over since your father died. He never spends an unnecessary cent on him self, nml, dear knows, lie don’t linvo any pleasure. It Isn't right for you to I'cproncli him." mile's eyes followed her brother un til lm,dlsnppenred In the Imrn. llcFwas tall 'nml-broad-shouldered, lint his- face wns browned by the sun Ids hands were rough nnd callous with toll, nml Ills clothes woro threadbare «ml Ottod him badly. He was a good brother, nml Ellle was generally very ready to acknowl -edge Ills virtues, but to-dny she was In ut\ unusual mood; consequent on not having a dress tit to wear to Mrs. Faulkner's garden party. Tho Fnuiknors were city people who had rented n large country liouso only a mild from the Crotton farm, nnd they kept It tilled to overflowing with guests, for whose nmusenient they were always giving croquet nml gul den parties, picnics nnd water exclu sions, depending upon the guests nt tho Lnkesldo Hotel to mnko up a sufll ■elontly large party. Mrs. Faulkner met EBio hy neeldont, and was so much pleased with her that she asked her to call. Ami Ellle, wearing her worn blue muslin and last summer’s lint, laid done so, and lmd returned homo more discontented than over with her lot, more anxious than over to seo some thing of that great b.tsy world of which the Faulkners talked so famil iarly. Miss Allen, nu old Indy who lmd spent two summers at the Lakeside Hotel, lmd promised that she should see It some day, ami EQlo had for long, time confidently expected an lu vltntlon *to visit her; but It had never cento, and she had ceased to hope for It. $bo lmd not even heard from " Miss Allen for months, ami this fact alone laid caused her a good deal of bitterness, though slio would not hav liked to confess It. "Come, Ellle, don’t stand there and fret; It won't help matters any,” said -Aunt Ilepsy. “There’s tho bread to knead, nml that hlg basket of Ironing walling for us, And Til like to have the heavy blankets looked over nml packed away to-day, It It's so wo enu get round to 'em." Elite sighed heavily, nnd bognn to roll up the sIcovch of her cntlco dress, thinking the while that It wns In doing such homely tnsks ns kneading bread, churning, Ironing and putting nwny winter hiunkets tlmt her life wiih fo he spent. There goes Herman oft on Jerry,” presently remarked Aunt Ilcpsy, ns the sound of horse’s hoofs wns heard the hard road. “Why, where can lie lie going? He suld ho wanted to IIiiIhIi that strip of plowing to-dny." Elite glanced out of tho window nnd saw her brother riding nwny, Leo hounding ulbug close nt the horse's -Is. doing on some errnnd mdro Impor tant than tho plowing, I suppose,” sho epllcd, Indifferently, nud resumed her work. By noon the churning wns done, the bread lay on (he pantry shelves lit deli cious-looking bnnvn loaves, the Iron ing wns well under way, nud Aunt Hopsy lmd looked over nnd put nwny tlie blankets. We've got a sight of work out of tho way this morning," she suld, ns she snt down to rest for a moment lu the old wooden rocker. "And I feel so bent out tlmt if you don’t miml, tille, I'll run over nflor dinner nnd sit nwhHo with old Miss Hope. She's always glad of company.” Elba lmd no objection nt nil to this plan; In fact, she wns pleased nt the Idea of being loft nlone, free to Indulge her gloomy mood uudlsturhed. The limit nml niece silt down to din ner nlone, for Herman had not re turned. I can't lldnk wlml’s come to the hoy to stny nwny over dinner!” Aunt Ilcpsy observed, nuxlously. "It Isn't a hit like him to go nway without let ting us know anything about It.” “Tltero's no need, to worry,” said Ellle, a little lmpntlcntly. 4 . "He’ll ho along nfti,' u while, I snppSso." Aunt Hopsy departed, as soon ns tlio dishes were washed nnd put nwny, ami Ellle went to work to llnlsli tho Ironing. But she lmd ironed only a few pieces when slio hoard some ono calling to her from the front gate, nml, running out, saw Farmer Hilton, n near neighbor, in Ills light wagon. Here’s n lottor I got out of tlio ofllee for you, Ellle," lie said. "But I couldn't got down, for these colts won't Btimd.” A letter for me!” Eflle repented, In surprise, for her correspondents wore very few, nnd the receipt of a letter wns a rare occurrence. She stood looking nt It doubtfully ns tho farmer il.'ovo nwny, nrtd turned It over several times before sho opened It. The cuv'lope bore In one corner the stump of a lawyer's tirm lu (lie city nnd sho (lid not know the hnudwrltlug of the superscription. 'When she opened It, nt Inst, she found It wns lo Inform her tlmt old Miss Allen had recently died, nml hail left her the sum of ?300, which wns subject to her order In n city hank. Ellle read the letter over three times liofor; she felt sure' that she was not ilreauilug, and then, forget ting the Irons cooilng on the stov forgetting her misery about tho Faulk ners’ garden parly—forgetting, Indeed, except the joyful fact of her legney- she snt down on the kitchen door-top nml abandoned lie.snlf to thoughts of tlte delightful future lu store for her. 8lio lmd laid out nil her plans, nml In Imagination lmd entered on the In toxlcatlou of a llfo ' \ the city, when tho cinder of horses’ hoot's on the road roused her rroni her rose-colored rev erle,, nud she looked up to seo her brother pausing nt the gate. He en- 'rd i brown paper parcel tin der his arm, lint ho illil not throw It to her, ns shU halt expected ho would. "Where have you been, Herm?” she asked, ns lie passed her on Ills way to the burn. “Only tp Bnrwator,” ho nusworod. He looked tired nu. dusty, nud the smile he gave her seemed rather forced. She concluded nt once that ho wns still troubled about the hitter words she had uttered that morning. Or perhaps it was the t tight of the over due mart-jige. The mortgage! It was for $300— just tho amount of her legacy—and Hermn-’. hail said so often wlmt .a re lief It would ho to him If It were only paid oil. But there was no prospect | of It. He could not work any harder. - ivns able tt ^ expenses. /.nt linn In? did, «nd he wns the farm Just pay expense sometime* there were losses by tern* post or flood or drought tlmt put him imek for months. With a deep‘Hush on her face. Efllc rose suddenly from the step mid rnn up-stnlrs to her own room. She felt lint she could not ruect her brother just yet’. he snt down by the ride of her bed ml burled her face In her pillow. ‘Oil, I «uj t, I can’t!" she said aloud. In answer to some suggestion from her nsclence. There wrs silence In the room a minute, a a d then a long, gasping sigh escaped her lips. would not / ft gancroiw to do It s 1 could do It freely—gladly,” she murmured. “But—but—I ought ’oor Herman! lie lias worked so linrd!’’ It was about ten minutes latjr that she heard Herman calling to her. She sprang up, bathed her face, brushed her lmir hastlly and hurried down to the kitchen. * • brother was standing by the window, with the brown paper parcel in Ids bands. Here’s something that trill make our eyes sparkle, Efllel” ho said. Open It, and tell me If that isn't just wlmt you wanted.” Ellle took the pnreel and opened It mechanically. It contained a dress pattern of soft small silk, of a' deli cate fawn color, half a dozen yards of pink sntiu ribbon, a pretty fan and a pair of white kid gloves. She stared at her brother It amaze ment. Herman, where did you get these?” “At a store In Barwater. Mrs. Ilap- good chose them for me. I would never have dared undertake It my self.” But—tlio money, Herman?” Newer miud about that, Eflle,” an swered Herman, quickly, a sudden flush rising to his face. “Make up the dress, mul go to tho part3’ nnd enjoy ourself. You do have a dull time of hero, nml It’s a pity If you can’t go to a party once In a while. / And now get mo something to eat, for I’m nl* most starved. I haven’t had anything since breakfast.” '‘Herman) Hidden thirty miles to- dny and no dinner! Well, you must be hungry!” She went close to lilm and kissed him tenderly. It was very good of you to buy me the dress,” she said, her volco n little constrained, ns slid remembered tlmt struggle up-stairs with her con science. She set the coffeo pot on tlio stove nd then went into the pnntry, emerg ing a moment later with a hone In her hand. Hero’s something I saved for Leo,” slio snld. “Ho mttst ho almost starved, You ought not to have taken him, Herman.” She was almost at tho door when her hrotner’s volco arrested her. Leo Isn’t out there, Eflle. It’s no uso to call him. I sold lilm this morn ing.” “Herman! Sold Loo!” Slio would not linvo been more sur prised lmd ho told her he lmd sold tho farm, for sho know the big brown setter was his dearest earthly posses sion. “Yes,” nnd Herman averted his faco from his slstov’s shocked gaze, “I don’t really need him, you know. I don’t often linvo a ehanec to go hunt ing now, and there wns a man in Bur- wntor who lmd wanted lilm for a long time, anil offered me ?30 for him.” Ellle made no icjoliuler. She Was staring straight before her, nu expires' slou of sueli poignant grief nud contri tion on her face tlmt Herman wns startled. lie . crossed tho room and put his arms arc -td her affectionately. I didn’t know you enrpil so much for the poor old dog, Eflle,” he said, his voice a little slmkeu. It—It—Isn’t tlmt,” she answered, in a low, teuse voice. “But—oh, Her man, I know why you sold him! You nmdo that sacrlllce for me, while I— M0D0CS PASSING AWAY. TRIBE THAT MADE THE LAVA BEDS FAMOUS FAST DYING OFF. It Will lie Only a F linve All lleooin How They mtli rlbe a cat nnd participates lu all the dances | of his nnd neighboring tribes. The thirteen surviving bucks are the laslest mortals on top of earth. They would starve In sixty days If It were not for the Government. Even the squaws won't work unless driven to It. And the children nro so badly afflicted with various sorts of diseases that they can’t do anything. .While rile Modoc Indians arc rapidly pass-1 prisoners of war the Government al lows them considerable freedom nnd the only money which they make Is wlmt they take In hy exhibiting them selves In n tent nl reunions nyd carni vals In Southern Ivnnsas towns. Their show Is entitled "The Last of the Modoc,," and tho thirteen bucks still living nro the "performers." The per formance consists of a couple of dances, a war whoop nnd a request for u quarter.—Kansas City Journal. Sonic Tricks of Fortune Telling, If I had room to describe nil my experiences with these modern witches nud wizards, I should like to fell you about the amiable old fraud tlmt cast my horoscope. IIo lms been to State’9 prison for swindling, hut ho adver tises in the Sunday pnpers just the same as usual, and his ofllcc Is full of people whose dollars burn in their pockets. I should like to describe tho doctor with three framed diplomas, medical hooks, nnd n linlf-plnt of pills, tlmt went Into u trance for me hardly distinguishable from the early stages of a flt. His wrist shook, like fiddler's playing Schubert’s 'Sere nade/ and his eyes rolled up till they looked like lmrd-bolldd eggs with the shell off. I should like to tell about tho psychic medium* that did a little mir acle for mo in the way of reading tins answers to my'questions through the envelope lu which they were sealed. I could expluln how he gave me n dummy to hold while he opened the real dnvelope under cover of wash ing Ills hands. I should like to tell how wrong In every particular wns tho Indy that rend my palm by tho light of pure science. ‘No fortune telling about It, ob, dear, no.” I should like to tell about the ‘true nnd reli able fortune-tellers’ tlmt rau the curds for mo, and saw trouble.from a dark man nud luck in tho lottery with tho uumber 8, . or 800, or 8000, nnd how there wns money coming to mo in a letter from across the water, (.t has to come to me tlmt way or I could not pay the grocer, for I live In Brook lyn, nml Brooklyn is on Long Islaiid, nnd my little girl lms just come homo from school with .the Information that nu Island is n body of land completely surrouuded hy water. I had suspected much.”—Harvey Sutherland, In Alnslce’s. OUR BUDGET OF HUMOR. > Sghs choked her utterance. Sho broke from his arms mid rushed up stairs liko a \vh|l'lwlud. It was half an hour before sho eumo down again. Then her faco was flushed and stained with tears, hut there was ti siniTo on her lips, nud in her eyes the light of a generous re solve. , ’ Herman wns nt tho table, having just finished tho very simple meal of cold corned beef. nnd bread 1m had been able to prepare for himself. Eflle w. t up behind him, mid lean ing on his shoulder, put the lawyer’s lotte’. lu his hand. "You made a great sacrifice for mo, Herman,” slio said, "hut 1 can do something for you lu return. The thought of that dreadful mortgage shall never trouble you again, denr brother." Efllc nttonded tho Faulkner’s garden party In all the glory of her surah silk nud piuk ribbons, nud of all the gay throng uone woro lighter of heart than she. "1 wonder If I would have felt so happy If I nnd not given Herman that money," she thought, more than once. Her cup of joy was full when she returned home, late tlmt evening, nud old Loo rose from tho door-step with a welcoming bark. She put.her arms around his neck and gave him a hearty hug. "If ever I feel hateful ngalu. I’ll only have to look at Leo to get over It," sho '.(.ought. "But I don’t believe Hcrmnn will over hear me say another word against tlio farm.” Aud ho Dover (lid; for EfRe’s legacy brought her a happiness that lasted until slm loft tho farm for a homo of her own.—Golden Days. lag away. It will he only a few years until they have nil become "good In dians" mul their tribe will he extinct. Tlio Modoes, nt one" time, were tlm most troublesome and bloodthirsty savages that this Government ever tried to govern. Long before the White man put In nil nppcnrnuco on the shores of the Pnclllc they were seekers for gore. They were always In trouble with other tribes. That Is the way they got tho name of Modoes. It means "Enemies." It wns given them hy the other tribes on tho Pacific, against whom they had waged war. But now things have changed. Tho Modoes no longer thirst for war. They are a slovenly, indolent nnd (lull set of beings, with no nmbltlon. From a strong tribe of brave warriors they linvo dwindled down until there are only thirteen bucks left In tho tribe. The total population of tho tribe Is seventy-eight, mostly women nnd dis eased children. In recent years the Modoes linvo died oft like sheep, nml If the ratio keeps up In less than a de cade a Modoc Indian will ho ono of the curiosities of a practically extinct race. They nro now quartered on a small rhserviitlon lu tho Qunpaw country, a few miles south of this city, under guard of tlio Government, for they tile still considered prisoners, /file few members «f the tribe are growling be cause they cannot go back to tlm Pa cific slope nnd, spend the remainder of Until' days. Tho Modoes once were a part of tlio Klamath tribe In North California nnd Southern Oregon. They became the "Boxers" of the Klnmatlis. They broke away from that trlbo nnd set up a government of tlielr own and then waged war agnlnst tlielr mother tribe, Jitat ns the Boxers are doing In China. They also tackled outsiders just like tlm Boxers, nnd Anally locked horns with Uncle Sam Just like the Boxers did and with tlio same result. Bcforo they were subdued they would mnko slaves of tlielr prisoners of war and buy nud sell them among each oth er nftertlio faslilon of tho nnclentllom- nns nnd Cnrtliageulan*. They had a peculiar rellglou In which a mythical deity whom they called Knmooso stood la tlio place of a god. In 18-17, after having licked all tlm tribes on tlm Pnclllc ConBt, until It wns no longer any fun for Ilium, they brushed up against the Federal troops. That was- tlio first mistake they made. They got licked. But they didn’t get enough to satisfy thorn and broko out again two years Inter nud massacred a lot of whites. Then they got whipped some more nml hundreds of thorn were murdered hy tlm regular army. In ’US they put tlielr blankets on nml left their reservation ngnin, sqnnt- tlng oil some land on Lost ltlvor which did not belong to them. The Government ordered them linek to their own reservation. They refused to go nml another war was on. The Modoes retreated to tho "lava beds," where they withstood two nttneks by Gonornl Wheaton nnd General Glllnin. The Government then appointed a com mission to arrange for a settlement. The commissioners met tlm Modoes on April 11, 1873, nnd also tlielr fate, because tlm Indians trenclierously mu- bushed them, killing General Cnnliy nml Dr. Thomas nml wounding A. B. Mitchell, so that 1m wns left on tho Hold for dead. Tho war wns again renewed. The Modoes desperately resisted the Fedor, nl forces, but were finally starved out and compelled to surrender. General Jeff Davis court-mnrtinlled Captain Jack, chief, and three others who planned tlm mnssncrS of- the commis sioners, mnf they were executed. Tlm rest of the tribe, ns prisoners of war, were transferred to tlm Indian Terri tory and placed on a small reservation, under guard, In tlio Qunpaw nation. At tho time of their removal they were told, qo they, say, that they would ho hold prisoners for twenty-live years mul would then ho permitted to return to' their old liuntlug ground hi Cali fornia. The twenty-flvo years were up In '08, but tile - Modoes, or wlmt Is left of them, are still here nud they are liable to stay. Tlm Indian Com missioner has no notion of sending them hack to tho coast. Tho chief of tlm fnst vanishing tribe now Is Yellow Hammer. He Is a strap ping hlg young Indian, six feet three, aud weighs probably 220 pounds. He looks ns strong ns an ox, but lie isn’t. Ho Is sick a great portion of tlm time n\ul lio hasn’t many years to live. Lung disease Is getting nway with him. That Is what has killed tlm tribe off so rapidly. It seems that all are afflicted with It, except ono old In dian. Chief Yellow Hammer has his “hammer” out Knocking on tlm way bis tribe is being treated. He says they will all soon he dead unless the "Big Chief’ at Washington lets them go back to California. His tribe has petitioned tlm Presidents to he re turned. Recently lie visited Kansas City with Ills mother. He had a good time. In speaking of the town he said: “Henp big town; heap lots peo ple; heap good whisky. Hnd henp good time. Coin’ .hack again.” What seems most remarkable in the face of the rapid manner lu which the Modoes are going to tlielr "happy hunting ground" is tho fact that there Is lu tho trlbo tin Indian buck 10U years of age. His name Is Sam Boll. Ho wns one of tho original “Boxers' who first loft tho Klnmatlis and organ ized a tribe of their own. Ho still has Ills “dander up" and wants to take the ■ warpath again. He Is as spry as Gold Hardened Treed. Wlioro surface wuters run over pokl formations, tlio gold Is token up by trees nnd is locked up In their trunks. Dr. Lungowltz nnnlyzed the ashes from u number of trees nud found that they contained gold in quantities ns high as $1.17 to the ton. In many cases the presence >f gold wns evident, but tho quantity was so small ns to be unmeasurable. At tlrst only the ashes from the roots were analyzed, but it was found that the nslics from the upper branches contained «a much larger percentage of gold. Of course, the amount of gold In so lution is small, but the trees act ns a Alter la recover It, nml during the course at many years they accumulate a perceptible umouut of the precious metal. Tlio investigation Is more the oretical thnn practical. LAUGHTER-PROVOKING STORIES FOR LOVERS OF FUN. To Maid«nn—Should He Udod to Tt—Ifn<1 Never Told Her—From Their I’olnt of . View—In tlio New Kr»— Harbnrluus— A 1 Definition, Klc., Ktc. But believe wlmt you please When they swear they adore you. Let them rest on their knees, But believe wlmt you please— Let them argue and tease If the thing doesn’t bore you, But believe wlmt you please When they swear they adore you. • SY —Smart Set. Should Ho Udftil to It. Mamma—“Bobbie, It grieves mo so to have you naughty!” Bobble (strictly logical)—“But why should It, mamma? I was always so.” IVnd Nevor Told Her. The Wife—“I cnino vciy near not marrying you, Jolni.” The Husband— 1 "Yes, I kuow; but l hnd no Idea you were on to the fact.” Smart Set. Splicing Trolley Cars. The rapid evolution In the size and roominess of the* average trolley ear, that has taken place during the past few sonuons bus caused tho smaller ears, while in good condition, to be come antiquated. Many of the lines, however, Instead of entirely discard ing these small ears nnd replacing them with new ones have found it more economical to splice them, this way the cars of Rochester, N. Y., lmve l)«en increased In length from eighteen feet eight Inches to twenty- seven feet nine Inches. The larger ears are mounted ou double trucks Instead of the single trucks previous ly used. Snrnpon um Hcdsprends. The Mexlcnu embnssy, nt Washing ton, has informed the Department of Foreign Relations, auu the latter the Department of Finance* thntUMexi can 8arapes will henceforth beleonald- ?red by the customs authorities of tho United States ns woolen bed spreads, and they will be assessed for duty accordingly. This ruling based on the fact that though the sarnpe Is used as a piece of clothing during the day, it Is used ns a bed cover nt night nud ought to be clnss- itled ns such. Yet the fact remains that this is not the principal use of tho snrnpe.—Mexican Herald. Coals to Newcastle. In St. Wolfgang, a clinrmtug little place In tlio Austrian Alps, a 'charity lottery was.held recently, where tho great prize wns n season ticket for tlmt unique little railroad which climbs up to the summit of the high est mountain In the vicinity, tho Sclmfherg, twice a day. Yon get a fine view from there, overlooking a cluster of lakes and miniature glaciers that nestle in the Austrian Alps. Who do you think won that great prize? Who should but the only eocduetor of that little railroad.—Vienna £jeu Frcie Presse. -■■■./ - Chinese Diddles. “What is the fire that has no smoko and the water that has no flsh? “A glow worm’s fire has no smoko nnd well water.lias no fish.”- “Mention the name of an object with two mouths which travels by night and not by day,” “A lantern.”—Chleag^ News. From Tlielr I’olnt of View. First Ape—“And some apes have de veloped Into men?" Second Ape—"So they say.” First Ape—"Well, thank goodness! some of us have escaped!"—Puck. In tlie New Kra, ‘I stand on my record,” shouted (be woman who was running for ofllee. Wlmt fur?” demnnded a little red headed rooster In the erowiV;. “nro you tryln’ to keep It out of sight?” Hnrbttrinnu. ‘There ought to be\n law against selling guns to barbarians,” said the man lu the corner sent. There Is. Fire-arms must not be sold to small boys.”—New York World. ADeqnlllnn. Little Willie—'“Pa, why do they call thepi. ‘minor pools’?” Pa—“Because they ought to ho working with n pick and shovel In stead of writing poetry, uiy sou.”— Tlt-BIts. • Tho Only Fomilbllltr. Ho—“Nothing could ever come be tween us, could it, dear?” She—“1 can’t think of a sluglo thing, unless I should hnppen to be come engaged to some other man.”— Harper’s Baznr. Itonembled Mother. “Why Is It you do not wear a mus tache, lieutenant? Your father has Buch a heavy growth of beard.” “Yes, my denr, but with respect to whiskers I am more like my mother thau my father.”—Sondngs-NIsso. Well Supplied,* John,” she snld, “I must have a cyclopaedia." Thunderatjon 1" exclaimed Mr. Par venu. “You’ve got a bicycle nml a motocyelo. now. Wlmt do you want of any more of those cycle things?” . Too Mooli Novnl Ktlqoette. “The navy Is out of powder ngnin, Mr. Secretary.” “Impossible! Wlmt’s become of tbo supply?” “The warships used It up, sir, swap ping salutes for tlielr commanders.” —Cleveland Plain Dealer. (toon Alarm Clock. Employer—“I eougrutulnte yon on that now linby of yours, Illgglus.” Higgins—"Thank you, sir." Employer—“And I linvo no doubt Hint hereafter you will ho waked up onrly enough mornings to get to tlio ofllee every day on time."—Somerville Journal. A Gnoil Solieme. Tourist—“Do those scarecrows save your crops?" Farmer—“They work first rate. You sec. every tramp tlmt comes along crosses tho Helds to soo If th' clothes is wu'tli stealln’, w’ch they ain't, an’ that scares th' crows away.”—New York Weekly. Hnd Plnco to Dio In. Osmond—“My wlfo has turned our drawing room into a ‘ilen.’" Desmond—“Well, that's nil right. Isn't It?” Osmond—“I don’t know; If I should die I’d bate awfully to ho laid out un der n red nnd yellow Jnp umbrella.” —Indianapolis Journal. lie Xienraed tlio Itenson. “Yes,” mused tho Haslifed Philoso pher, “a clock-stocking Is so called be muse ” The Port Clerk bent eagerly for ward. “Because," went on tho first speak er, “because It always slrlkes one.” —Syracuse Herald. Optional. VHow long can you stay under wa ter?" asked the curious person. “Permanently, It I choose,” replied the. professional diver, who liml an swered the question ’several hundred times before. “But I prefer to come to the surface every once In n while to breath.”—Chicago Tribune. Airy. “You know,” said Senator Sorghum, reprovingly, “I told you that what I wanted from you was a good breezy speech.” “Well,” answered the professional orator, “I thought that was what I gave you. Nearly everybody who heard It said my arguments were only wind.” Tha Snvntre Bachelor. “It is a woman’s privilege to change her mind,” said the Sweet Young Thing. “From what I know of tho critter it Is her duty," said the Savage Bache lor. and the glare he got from the newly married boarders kept him Lf good humor all the rest of tho day; —Indianapolis Press. A