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The Toccoa Record.
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Vol. XXIX.
VODKA 1 AND OLD
IN THE ARMY
Lieutenant Toney Rucker came
out of the rookery known as the
bachelors’ quarters and started
jauntily down the officers’ line bear-
ing in his hand a kite.
He was immediately surrounded
by the abundant supply of small
boys from the officers’ quarters, all
of whom were anxious for the kite.
He picked out young Arthur be-
cause the boy was so loud of sport
and never cried when thrown from
his pony, hut young. Smart of the
cavalry, lounging on the bachelors’
piazza, stirred up “Mr.” Dawdle of
the infantry by remarking, “You
wdl get left plebe, for there
Toney boot licking that boy again,
and he is sure of an invitation to
tea,and you know what that means.”
“That boy” was the captain’s son,
and the captain’s wife had a young
lady sister visiting her, whom Toney
had already escorted for a ride on a
troop horse.
But this is all byplay to the kite
story. Toney took out of his pocket
a ball of cord, borrowed from the
commissary sergeant for the occa¬
sion, and straightened the kite tail,
made of old yellow stripes cut from
scouting trousers. Everything be¬
ing ready, he called out, “Hold her,
my son, and I will run her up for
you, and then she is yours.”
Toney started in quarter race
time, encouraged by frantic yells
from the hoys; but, alas, just as
Arthur’s young aunt was merrily
applauding from the piazza the kite
commenced to duck in the most
cowardly fashion, and the faster
Toney ran the more it ducked.
“Sumpen’s the matter,” said Ar¬
thur.
(( y Tain’t got the right sort o’ tail,”
said another;“tie a rock to her,” and
many similar pieces of advice came
from all the boys at once.
By this time the piazzas were
filled with spectators, and the men
waiting for mess call sailed out on
the barrack porches to see the fun,
when old Major Stuffy started to-
ward the boys with that important
air which lie thought becoming to
one so old, “be gad, dragoons, be-
fore the war, sir!”
“I say, Toney, you want to short-
en up the center bridle and make
her stand on the wind like this,”
said the old major, taking hold of
the kite.
Toney, who was puzzling his mind
as to where he could get more kite
tail without tearing up his only ex-
tra pair of sheets, looked up and
remarked, “Well, old man, what do
you know about kites anyway ?”
Now, Major Stuffy had always
been very partial to Toney and
showed it by always joking with him
while swelling with ill fitting dig-
nity in his intercourse with all the
subalterns. The old gentleman’s
nerves had been a little shaken for
a few days because Hie infantry
colonel and brevet ma jor general
commanding tht* post—" lie of
-dose demned volunteers, you know”
—had added insult to inj try by
sending him an order not to drive
any more government horses in his
private conveyance. Toney’s light
and airy remark : et the major
completely, anti he \ as on V e point
of venting hi- rage on aun when
who of all others should com ■ .roll-
ing out but tho eommueding officer
himself. Ik 1 who had wo:. ;as stars
for bravery and conspicuous serv-
ices fiv :n Perwville to Resaca cer-
t&inlv ought u> know all about kites,
The excitement on the parade was
too much for the old gentleman, and
dismissing his orderly to dinner he
raised his sun umbrella and remark-
ed to his excellent spouse, “I will go
and show them how to put up a
kite.” The very idea seemed to make
him young again, and he threw out
his chest and squared his shoulders
as if he were going to take a new
lease of life. He joined the group
around the kite, and Major Stuffy
braced himself oamoouslv and sa«
Toccoa, Georgia, September 19 1902.
laica witn an air winch plainly said,
“i’ll stand me ground, be gad, sir!”
“How do you do, Mr. Rucker?"
said the general blandly. “I see that
your " kite doesn’t work right, and”—
“It will be all right in a moment,
sir. 1 have sent to the troop tailor
for more tail.”
“But, Mr. Rucker, when I was a
boy” —he retires for old age next
year—“we never made long tails,
You just split the pieces you have
and tie some knots in them. Then
shorten up the bridle and make her
stand so” _
“Just what I told the general,”
said the major eagerly, “and he in-
suited me, sir! Yes, been’in sir; this young
fellow that has not the serv-
ten years, sir, asked me what did
[ know about kites, sir!”
Now, Major Stuffy had been avoid-
ing the general ever since he had re-
ceived the communication about the
horses and had even declined invi-
tations to several garrison affairs
tor tear of meeting him, but he was
greatly soothed when the general
turned and said:
sir! • Mr. Rucker, T , ma ^ 0r ’ what \ a , m do I as you ^ oms mean, ^ e >
sir, by speaking to Major Stuffy in
this way, sir ? z\n old man and val¬
ued officer of your regiment, too,
sir! I will not allow such things in
my garrison, sir!”
“But, general, I did not intend to
hurt the major’s feelings. I guess
I don't know much about kites any¬
way, boys, so you take it out behind
the barracks and fly it to suit your¬
selves,” said Toney in a hopeless
kind of way.
“It will not go up unless you
change the bridle, as suggested by
the major,” said the general.
“And split the tail and knot it, as
the general explained, boys,” said
the major.
Toney left the two old veterans,
and as he entered the bachelors’
quarters he was muttering maledic¬
tions on the “old duffers” who had
spoiled all his plans.
The sudden disappearance of To-
ney and the hoys left the two old
gentlemen alone on the parade, and
the whole garrison was enjoying
their dilemma. The general hem-
med and hawed a moment and said:
“By the way, major, about that
horse order, you know these young
lieutenants have an idea that they
can use ambulances and government
animals whenever they choose, and
I am determined to teach them a
lesson. Of course I did not intend
the order to hold in your case. Some
consideration must be shown to long
and valuable service, sir, and I want
you to understand this matter.”
Major Stuffy extended his hand
warmly to the general and said:
“I am glad you mentioned it, gen-
eral, but of course I understood the
matter perfectly. These young snips
are too presumptuous anyway and
think they are entitled to all 1 the
consideration due old officers.”
One of these “young snips” was
struggling to pay up the bills con-
tracted when his daughter w T as mar-
ried and another was incessantly
engaged in short division in the ef-
fort to provide for the wants of his
four boys,
The two veterans strolled away
together in the direction of the club-
room, followed by several officers
from the row who were interested
in the reconciliation. As the major
threw open the door and followed
the general in he smiled benign.ant-
ly on the old habitues and said,
“Come, gentlemen, join us in a bot-
tie of wine.” Of course the invita-
Hon was accepted, for since the ma-
jor had quit going on little “frolics,”
as he called them, in deference to
the temperauce ideas of the young
snips, all recognized this as some
special occasion. The major busied
himself seeing that “Tubs” neg-
leeted no one and talked in the most
amiable way about the magnificent
weather and fine post the general
had built up.
“This reminds me of old days in
Texas, gentlemen, when the dra-
goons”— he was saying when his
Loyal Legion button fell off and
rolled into a convenient knothole
under the billiard table. Before he
recovered from his efforts to secure
the rolling button the general, with
the air of Sir Roarer de Coverley, re-
“Good Will to All Men.’
movea ms oWn 'little emoiem ana
said:
“Major, let me present this you with
this as a memento of most
pleasant occasion.” the
While major was still over-
come by this graceful move the gen-
eral wished them all a pleasant time
and escaped to his quarters. The
news spread around that the major
was having a birthday, and even
Toney Rucker put away his wrath
when the orderly came to ask his
presence at the clubroom
“Tubs was kept busy during the
afternoon attending to the spiritual
needs of the ever increasing party,
for with each new arrival the major
would say: “What a tine gentleman
the general is! It was the neatest
thing you ever saw, sir! Why, he
actually took his button from his
own breast and presented it to me,
by gad, and we will drink to his
health, gentlemen!”
T arm in arm wen ded their
w j ny way to t } ie ir quarters they
p asse( f y0 ung Dawdle on the walk
with the captain’s wife’s sister mak-
ing hay while the field was clear,
One Man's Reasoning.
The reasons why a man should
mploy a matrimonial advertisement
in order to get married are often a
source of bewilderment.
A widower who has married the
second time through this agency and
sought a divorce from her was asked
the question in court.
He replied that he advertised on
the theory of a man who advertised
for a lost dog. He did not get the
dog back, but he got better ones. So
he knew he could not get his lost
wife back; he thought he might get
offers of three better ones. He took
one of the three, and he was disap¬
pointed.—London Express.
on Know What You are Taking
When yon. take Grove's Tasteless Chill
Tpblc id on •vary iMKmUse bottle the showing formal* that Is plainly print-
J it is simply
on ana Ko Quinine in a tasteless form. No
Fay. 50c.
Company Manners.
The pitfalls of company manners
receive a fresh exemplification in
the story of a woman who, having
heard that it was impolite to press
a guest to have more of a dish at
table, thereby calling attention to
the second serving, so instructed
her daughter previous to a dinner
.she was giving; charging her to act
accordingly. At the table she heard
her say, “Mr. X., will you have some
oysters ?” and immediately the
mother exclaimed in a horrified
tone:
“Why, hasn’t Mr. X. been served
to oysters yet ?”
ed Whereupon the daughter respond¬
that he had been helped three
times, which contributed to the hap-
jnness of neither mamma nor Mr.
Peculiar Rainstorms.
There is at least one place in the
United States where a man may be
out in a heavy rain and not get wet
tosh even though he has neither mackin¬
nor umbrella. In the Colorado
desert they have rainstorms during
which not a drop of water touches
the earth. The rain can be seen
falling from the clouds high above
the desert, but when the water
reaches the stratum of hot, dry air
beneath the clouds it is entirely ab¬
sorbed before falling half the dis¬
tance to the ground. It is a singu¬
lar sight to witness a heavy down¬
pour of rain not a drop of which
touches the ground. These strange
rainstorms occur in regions where
the shade temperature often ranges
as high as 128 degrees F.
Seeing at a Distance.
To see objects at a distance of 100
miles the observer must be standing
at a height of 6,667 feet above the
level of the sea. The rule is that
the distance in miles at which an
object on the earth’s surface may
be seen is equal to the square root
of one and a half times the height
of the observer in feet above sea
level, allowance being made for the
effect of atmospheric refraction.
This role is often of value to ocean
travelers in estimating a ship’s dis¬
tance.
Successor to Toccoa Times and Toccoa News.
NO MISUNDERSTANDING.
The Farmer Told the Parson Why He
Invited Him to Drink.
One cold Sunday morning as the
worshipers from a little country
church in England were slowly
wending their way toward their
homes a burly old Devonshire farm-
er might have been seen leaning
over his yard gate, nodding his head
and .. wishing . , . a cheerful , £ i c(r\ Good a day! i v>
to passersby.
At last his greetings became less
frequent, and, telling himself that
nearly every one must have passed,
he was about to turn away when he
descried the well known form of the
vicar coming down the road.
“Very cold day, farmer,” com¬
mented the clergyman as he drew
near.
“Mortal cold, indeed,” was the
hearty response. “Be ’e too proud
to step inside a minute an’ taste a
good glass o’ sweet cider, pa’son ?”
“I am not too proud, of course,”
returned the vicar amusedly, “but I
w r ill not accept your kind offer all
the same, thank you, for, to tell
you the truth, it is close upon my
dinner hour, and I must go straight
home.”
“Then you bean’t thirsty ?”
“No, thanks.”
“Look ’e here, pa’son!” exclaimed
the farmer. “tJs don’t want to
have no misunderstanding for want
o’ a few words o’ explanation, an’ I
should like for ’e to know that I
shouldn’t have made so hold as to
ask ’e to drink if it hadn’t been for
what I heard the doctor say to his
son ’bout you as he went past my
yard a quarter hour ago.”
“What was that?” asked the vic¬
ar, with considerable interest.
“Why,” said he, “ ‘The vicar is
terrible dry this morning.’ ”
Japanese Serenity.
Perhaps the secret of the sweet
expression and habitual serenity of
the Japanese women can be found
in their freedom from small wor¬
ries. The fashion of dress never
varying saves the wear of mind over
that subject, and the bareness of
the houses and simplicity of diet
make housekeeping a mere baga-
telle. Everything is exquisitely
clean and easily kept so. There is
no paint, no drapery, no crowd of
little ornaments, no coming into
the houses in the footwear worn in
the dusty streets. And then the
feeling of living in the rooms that
can be turned into balconies and
verandas at a moment’s notice, of
having walls that slide away as free¬
ly as do the scenes on the stage and
let in all out of doors or change
the suits of rooms to the shape and
size that the whim of the day or the
hour requires! The Japanese are
learning much from us, some things
not to their improvement. We
might begin, with profit to our¬
selves, to learn of them.
To Cure a Cold in one Pay*
Take Laxative Broino Quinine Tablets.
All drug E. gists W. Grove’s refund the signature money if ia it fails each to
•ure. on
box. 25o.
Horsepower Measurement
A horsepower is the force re¬
quired to lift a dead weight of
To 33,000 find pounds one foot a minute.
the horsepower of an en¬
gine, multiply the area of the piston
in inches by the average steam pres¬
sure in pounds per square inch. Mul¬
tiply the product by the travel of
the piston in feet per minute and
divide that product by 33,000. If
an engine is rated at seventy-three
horsepower, it will raise 33,000
pounds one foot seventy-three times
in one minute.
Birds of Iceland.
The bird fauna of Iceland is cred¬
ited with 103 species. Of these
three are residents, twenty-seven
summer migrants, twenty-one oc¬
casional visitors and eighteen rare
stragglers. The land birds are few,
including only seven residents and
five that come in summer to breed.
The great auk once resorted to the
island, but the most interesting
birds now probably^ire the northern
wren, the great northern dive and
the Iceland falcon. Singing birds
are few.
No. 36
CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE
The Events That Led One Men to Ra*
gard It With Suspicion.
“As to circumstantial evidence,
it’s a queer thing,” said the man in
the brown suit. “Five or six years
ago I was in a certain town for a
when a hank was robbed,
Next morning I was arrested as an
accomplice, it being contended that
I was seen idling f, in front of the
bank aud eviden acting ag 8en .
tinel fh ose within. Three differ-
en ^ p ergon3 identified me as the
man, and a fourth claimed to have
seen me enter the hotel at a late
hour by way of a shed and a win¬
dow. I was locked up for examina¬
tion, with a chance of things going
hard with me, when evidence began
to come forward on my side. The
landlord asserted and swore that I
was sitting in the office at 10 o’clock
p. m. Two servants swore they saw
me going to my room half an hour
later. A man having rooms oppo¬
site the hotel swore that he saw me
smoking at my window at midnight.
A guest of the hotel who had a
room next to mine swore that my
snores disturbed him from midnight
till 2 o’clock and that he heard me
turn over in bed at 3, and so I was
dy.” honorably discharged from custo¬
“But about its being queer ?” was
asked.
“Why, all the people on both
sides were mistaken. I was not
outside the bank at the time named,
and neither was I in the hotel.”
“But you were somewhere?”
“Oh, of course. Fact is, I got
mashed on the landlord’s daughter,
and we sat up all night on a bal¬
cony and talked love and looked at
the moonlight—yes, sir, sat there
all night like a couple of idiots, and,
though I declared I would die for
her and s^e said she only wanted
me and a humble cottage, she was
married to a red haired butcher
within a year and I was being sued
by a snub nosed widow for a breach
of promise. I was simply observ¬
ing, you know, that circumstantial
evidence is a queer thing, and I
wish to add that a juryman should
not be influenced too much by it.”
—Pearson’s Weekly.
Remarkable Ideas of Beauty.
It is remarkable to learn the ex¬
which traordinary ideas of female beauty
characterize different na¬
tions. The ladies of Arabia stain
their fingers and toes red, their eye¬
brows black and their lips blue. In
Persia they paint a black streak
around their eyes and ornament
their faces with representations of
various figures.
The Japanese women adopt the
singular method of gilding their
teeth, and those of the Indiana
paint India them red. In some parts of
the pearl of the tooth must
be dyed black before a woman can
be beautiful. The Hottentot wom¬
en paint the entire body in compart¬
ments of red and black.
Spurgeon's Forcible Way.
Spurgeon sometimes carried dra¬
matic action to a ludicrous excess
in the pulpit. Mr. Haweis says that
once in the middle of his sermon
the preacher shouted out: “What’s
that thee says, Paul, ‘I can do all
things?’ I’ll bet thee half a crown
o’ that.” So the preacher took out
half a crown and put it on the Bible.
“However,” he continued, “let’s see
what the apostle ha9 to say for
himself.” So he read on, “ ‘Through
that strengthened me.’ Oh,”
says he, “if that’s the terms of the
bet I’m off!” And he put the half
crown back into his pocket.
Hair Restrained by Law.
Centuries ago for some reason it
was thought necessary to introduce
a kind of sumptuary law with re¬
spect to the length of garments and
the length of the hair. Men were
forbidden to wear their hair on
their shoulders and women to wear
the long plaits hanging loose. It
was a mark of distinction for maid¬
ens to wear long hair, only the slave
born having it cut short. So it is
not likely that women of free birth
their were induced by any edicts to cut
hair loose, but only to confine
it within reasonable bounds.