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■ , le Weekly mocrat. RCSSELL, r Md Prop’r N1URSDAY. APR! 3,1882. TERMS OF SCI .$2 00 ..1 00 kanaai , Mouth* f Copy 10 Fariably in adranci OVERUSING RAmNI) RULES. jTertiaemeata inserf*t $2 per square Krai insertion, and/or each subse- (t one. Iquare is eight sirtnes of tbia type. ~ 1 terms made wtpontract advert! cal notices of eigW>«* *re 515 P er ker, or $50 per a opt. Local notices Ls than three mof *re subject to Jient rates, atract adYertisenr 0 desire their sd- pements changed/ 11 * 1 6 1Te u * two i notice, / anging advertise 0 **! unless other- stipulated in condi will be changed I cents per squat/ rriage and obi t/f notices, tributes of et, and other k/red notices, charged ker advertisem/*- ertisements f take the run of the as we do nofat" 10110 kee P ^ them louncemeutst c :*ndidates are $10, if hr one insert/- I arc due ud the appearance of the Lenient, njhe money will be col- fas needed/the proprietor ahull a.lhciArictly to the aboverales, pH depart An them under no circum rf#?SS& PROFESSIONAL. MpICAL CARO. M fi. -Nicholson, j remo/d to Twilight, Miller conn- coriria/Office in J. S. Clifton’s r “ ' feb.9,’82. EDICAL CARD. J. Morgan ren/ted his office to the drug store, ply iteupied by Dr. Harrell. Resi- fon Jest street, south of Shotwell. [ cal/ *t night will reach him. 1ARLES C. BUSH/ Itorney at Law I COLQUITT, GA. nit attention given to all business en- l o me, DENTISTRY. j Curry, D. D. S., , be fouad daily at his office on South [street.up stairs, in E. Johnson’s ng, wbere-he is ready to attend to the lof the public at reasonable rates. dec-5-78 itL, m. o’neal McGILL & O’NEAL, orneys at Law BAINBKIDGE, GA. ■ office will be found over the post of- DOSALSOlf, BY EON B. BO WEB. BOWER & DONALSON, [neys and Counsellors at Law. le in the court house. Will practice latur and adjoining counties, and kero by special contract. a-25 7 TOR M. L. BATTLE, Dentist Ice over Hinds Store, West side house. Has fine dental engine, and lave everything to make his office Hass. Terms cash. Office hours 9 to 4 p. m. jan,13tf JEFF D. TALBERT, torney at Law, Ilainbridge. Georgia, till practice iu all tbe courts, and busi- nntrusted to his care will be promptly " led to. Office over store of M. E. tt & Son. feb.23,’82. DR. L. H. PEACOCK, tfully tenders his professional serv- the people of Baiubridge and vicini * over store of J. D. Harrell & Bro ce on West end of Broughton here he can be found at night, il 6,1881— H. F. SHARON, orney at Law. Office in Court House, practice in all the courts of the Circuit and Supreme Court of In the Circuit and Supreme of Florida, and elsewhere by special t. bridge, Ua., April 23,1881—ly. MACON nun ipecial instruction in bookkeeping, iship, business arithmetic, corres- ice, bill heading, telegraphy and business routine. • KAY, - - PRNICIPAL. erms, information* as to boarding ply to the principal. P. O. box ;on, Georgia. F. COLBERT. liliAKER AND JEWELER. L. M. Griffin’s old stand, corner auth Broad and Troup streets, ^dge, - Ga. ag and repairing, watches, ewing-machiDes ana all kinds of [done with neatness and dispatch. "Ail work warranted. go, Ga., August 4,1874.— The Bainbridge Democrat BY BEN. E. RUSSELL. BAINBRIDGE, GA, THURSDAY, APRIL 13, 1882. | YOL. 11.—NO. 26. S1.TIUEBKTV. Oh, bring me now sincerity; A true and living verity; Let life be short yet ever true, In everything we think or do, Let’s have sincerity. Alas! the wotld is levity; Yet there’s scant truth in brevity; And cruel wit is sharp as steel, Regardless of bow others feel, We love sincerity. Cease, world, this idle mockery, This worse than foolish foppery, For souls are lost upon tbe sea Of mocking words, that cannot be In truth sincerity. I ask not sullen gravity, Nor apish, fawning svavity, But simple, quiet, genial truth, All brightly told bj cherry youth, With warm sinceity. Then all would live so joyously, All nature would seem heavenly, True smiles would wreath each happy face, And beauty gain the rarest grace, God’s own sincerity. Their Only Hope* (Washingon Cor. Chron. <fc Const.) I see that the Independents have issued aformal pronunciamentoin Georgia. Their “glittering generalities” are nothing but chaff to catch the unwary. Hold them to the single issue of being Republicans in disguise. If they are not, why this en deavor to disrupt the organized Democracy and thereby perpetuate Republican domi nation ? The President’s organ here makes no secret of this alliance, and frank, ly admits that nothing can save the next House, and posibly hhe next Senate’ from Democratic control, but the Independent movement at the South. If this be true the people of Georgia need not be misled by clap-trap platforms. If it be a mis take, President Arthur and bis Stalwart organ would like to be specifically inform ed of such presumptive treachery. Day after day, Editor Gorham announces that the salvation of the Republican party depends solely upon the flank movement of the Southern Independents. The desire for office is probably at the bottom of the whole affair ; but I do not see why any man who does not wish the continuation of Radical rule should vote to put in pow er a few excellent gentlemen, who can not get perferment any other way. Highly Astonishing. A certain lady in this county set a hen upon thirteen eggs. A few days afterward, looking into the nest, she was surprised to find the hen missing and the eggs gone and in their stead a huge ratttesnake comfortably coiled up. Not icing the swelled condition of his snake- ship she procuied a spade and pinned Iris head to the ground. Then, with a rake, the tail was drawn out and fasten ed down to prevent wiggling. A pen knife soon split the reptile from head to tail and the eggs were taken out. Being carefully washed they were placed under the same hen and eventu ally every one hatched out, and the chickens grew and thrived. We regret that a strict regard for truth compels us to say that the hen was not swallowed nor were the chicks marked with-a snake.—St. Paul Pioneer. Hauling Hell Out of Him. An editor in going away left his paper in charge of a minister. During the min ister’s stay in the sanctum the following letter came from a mountain subscriber: “You know very well I paid my subscrip tion to your paper the last time I was in Lexington, and if I get any more such let ters from you as the last I will come down and maul hell out of you,” The min ster answered: “My dear sir, I have been trying to maul that thing out of him for past five years, and if you will really come down and maul it out of him, then, my dear sir, I have twenty members of my church I will get you to operate on!” Who was He- The remains of a dead man was found last Wednesday in one of the dirt shanties, about one mile from town, that was used during the construction of the Waycross <Short Line, by the employees. From all appearances he had been dead for some time. It is believed that his death was caused by the falliog of the shanty, it being very heavy, upon him, which crushed him. The supposition is he was a tramp, there being nothing to indentify him or give any clue as to who he was or from whence he came. His remains were taken in charge by the coroner and buried.— Waycross Repo ter. A wise man in the company of those who are ignorant has been com pared by the savages to a beautiful girl in the company of blind men. It is with antiquity as with ancestry ; nations are proud of the one, and indi viduals of the other. AUMT HEPS ITS VISIT. BY EUDIE. I’ve ben ritin a poum in verse. I ain’t a croosader, and I don’t believe in wimmen’s rites, so I can’t lite like my ancient relashun, Betsy Bobbet She rote a poum on wimmin’s spear that wood have made a blind man sheed teers to rede it. But I dont believe in women’s votin —especially if her husband is republi can and domercrat—that’s my poler- tics, an’ I’m willin’ to stand up for my side every time. Wimmin’s work is tendin’ to the house an’ not fitin, for a place in the legislates I’ve beu to Bostin and found out all about Oskar Wild, and I expect I cot a little of the esthetick fever, for a’most all the fokes were sick with it when I got there. My poum was rote jest arter I cum home. Yew see that long afore I went to Bostin, my neece, that married a Doge, kept sendin’ me inver- tashucs for me to cum an’ sea her. She told me how she had ben a paiotio’ sunflowers an’ wish’t she had sum material raised tins tow paint. ‘•Dere hart,” sez I, “when I go down you shall have a plenty,” thow I cooldn’t tell what she wanted to paint ’em for. Sunflowers are brite cullered enuf, I should think, without any paint put on ’em. I shood a thot she wood a want ed sumthin’ besides sunflowers—they are so humly. My pinks an’ roses were in luvely bloom; but no, she druther have sunflowers. So when L started I jist snipt off all but the biggest hed, which I saved for sead, an’ made a great j ailer bokay out- en em. ) My sunflowers air twelve fete tall, and air* powerful good for keepin off fevers, all but the esthetick kind. When I went in the keers, mostevry wun was a lokin at my bokay, and I was reel sorry that they coold not have a few of ’em—but I wanted to git ’em all safe to Jain without losin’ a single wun. They got tired of starin’ arter a while, an’ then my trials and triberla- shuns begun. In the first plase the amell of my yaller bokay was dretful. I didn’t dare to lay it down on the seat beside me for fere sumthin’ would hap- eu tew it. I held it in wun hand in frunt of me, and it was so big that it cum right into my fase. I bore the smell awhile and then I see a bug on it—and pretty soon anuther—till I found it was all covered with bugs. I held it out the winder, and give it a good thumpin and shakiD, and when the boy cum threw the keer I bawt a paper of him an’ rapt it up. The keers stoptat every little stashun on the rode, but at last they slacked off intew the depot. I was kinder bewildered when 1 got ont an’ sea so menny houses, bat I picked my way along the muddy stretes till I found the plase. Thare wasn’t no bell, only a kind of crank in the middle of a silver plate; and when I went tew pall it, it tamed rite ronnd and rung^inside for I cood here it reel plane. Jain cum tew the door, and she was so surprist she couldn’t say a werd, but she helped me right off with my bnnnit. As she tnk it in her hand, her speech cam back and she sex : “Oh, what a lovely poke bnnnit. I didn’t think they had sich late stiles up thare whare yon live P’ “Why,” sez I, * hot that air bnnnit a a good twenty year agow; but I neve r liked it very well, so I hain’t woren it mutch.” 1 declare, I never sea sich a lot of old chiny things as thare was a settin round on the shelves and flore. I couldent hardly move for fere of brakin sum of ’em. I asked Jain why she didn’t puk them in a closet out of site they ware sich old-fashioned things; but she sed they was verry choice an’ costly, an’ it wor fashionable tew have ’em settin’ round. When I gin ber the sunflowers she was dretful pleased with ’em. That arternoon she brought ont a three-legged consarn, she called a ezel, an’ put a peece of cloth over it, sayin’ she was a goin’ to paint the sunflow ers. I was snpprist enuff when she cov ered the whole cloth with a cote of black paint which she sed was for a back ground. She didn’t get the picter of the flow ers punted for a weke ; an’ when the wans I brot was all gone, she had to go bye gess work ; bnt when they was dan they looked jest as nateral as cood be. She sot the picter up on the mantle pece, right beside a long-legged, staff herd, she said was an ibias, or stork, such a humly, lean critter I woodn’t a had in my barnyard. Jain was very pindlin’, as all fokes air that ketch the esthetick fever, and all she ete wouldn’t a hart a moskeeter. When I enm to the dinner table I found another set of crockery, like the stuff that was strewed over the shelves and mantletrys promiskuss. Wun pece earn from Italy, an’ wan Caby. Tbe plate 1 ete on bad ben George Washington’s wife’s, an’ bad lots of Latin to it. But bless me! thare wasn’t two pieces alike—an’ Jainsemed dretful proud of her old nicked-up chiny. She didn’t ete mete, becaws it make fokes savage an’ brutish ; bat I told her that my father youster to have his mete vittles three times a day, an’ he was alien the kindest man I ever new. She sed that Oskar Wild had lectured on’t, and told ’em there sisters didn’t requiro mete, and they never could be esthetic if they ete it, an’ so she’d gin it up. She was lamin’ to make frickased lily, and she wanted to get me up a dish on’t afore I went home. “Du tell!” sez I. “Is it anything like pickalily, that we make out’n to- maters an’ unyuns an’ vinegar 7” ‘Oh, no !’ sez she; ‘it’s made out of the lily plant—the flower itself.’ ‘Laws.’ sez I, ‘I don’t believe its haff so good as a frickasede chicken, nor haff so holsom as a plate of fride apple sass turnovers, sich as your ant Selina makes.’ ' ‘Oh. well, it’s right esthetic, you know!’ was all she could say; and she kinder reddened up till I pitied her for not knowin’ how to cook beter. • While I was there at Jain’s I went out a shopping to bye me a corse print bible. Thare was an orful site of books in the store—so I took out my old horn-bownd specks and looked at ’em. Pritty sane the clerk cum along, and asked me ef I would have a book of ponms. He hawled over a lot and sez he, ‘Here’s a Spencer, wun of the best How would that suteyon?’ ‘Why,’ sez I, ‘I think a waste is moie becoming to a woman than a spencer.’ ‘Wal,’ sez he, ‘here’s one by the point of Skotland—Burns,’ ‘No bums for me,’ sez I; ‘I core em with gliserin—which* is the best reme dy for ’em. I don’t need a book to tell me about burns.’ ‘Then,’ sez he, kinder laffin’, ‘here is Alfred Tenny’s son^s works.’ ‘Da tell,’ sez 1; “I new Alfred Ten- ny up in Yarmonk I wact to no if his son has writ a book t. Why we yooster think he was a nateral born fool.’ ‘I aint acquainted with him,’ sez the clerk,’ ‘but he rites nise. Will you take his book ?’ ‘No,’ sez L ‘I enm arter a corse print bible; but if such fokes as Alfred Tenny’s son can rite ponms I canand I did. So, as I sed . at ferst, when I got back home, I rit this poum, which I am goin to present to the editor of the Gimlet, that printed Bets Bobbet’s peces. Oh! sea that yaller sunflower . Aginst my garden wall 1 Who’d a thot that sneh a little seed, Cood grow’d to be so tall? Oh 1 sea that droopin' lilly tew 1 How fragrant doth it smell! It hangs ite tiney little hed, Tew ntterly and ntter well 1 Now to make up my garden groop, Along-legged bird Fll bye— That looks as if he’d died of eroop— To please my esthetick eye. Now, when I get these lines printed, I am jest agoing to send it to that air clerk to let him sea as how de wasnt talkin to no fool of a woman. L dont think he is married ; and I aint nuther* yon no. Every man has in his own life follies enongh; in his own mind trouble enough; in his own fortunes, evil enongh, without being carious after the affairs of others. Is Didn’t Salt Her. “But why don’t yon get married ?” said a bouncing girl, with a laughing eye, to a smooth-faced, innocent looking youth. “Well, I—” said the youth, stopping short with a gasp, and fixed his eyes on vacancy, with a puzzled and foolish ex pression. ■“Well, go on,” said the fair questioner, almost imperceptibly inclining nearer to the yonng mao. “Now just tell me right out—yon what ?” “Why, I—pshaw! I don’t know.” “Yon do—I say you do ; Now, come, I want to know.” ‘ Oh, I can’t tell you ” “I say you can. Why you know I’ll never mention it; and you may tell me, of course, you kDow—for haven’t I always been your friend ?” “Well, you have, I know,” replied the beleaguered youth. “A ud I’m sure I always thought you liked me,” went on the maiden, in tender and mellow accents. “Oh, I do, upon my word—yes, indeed, Ido, Maria?" said the unsophisticated youth, very warmly; and he found that Mariah had unconsciously placed her hand in his open palm. There was a silence. “And then—well ?” said Maria, drop- ding her eyes to the ground. “Eh! Oh—well!” said John, dropping his eyes and Maria’s hand at the same time. “I’m pretty sure you love somebody,” said Maria, assuming a tone of raileiy; “I know you’re in love; and John, why don’t you tell me all about it at once?” “Well—I—” “Well, I—oh, you silly mortal! what i3 there to be afraid of?” “Oh, it ain’t because I am afraid of anything at-ali; and I’ll—well, now, Ma ria, I’ll tell you.” “Well, now, John?” «I ” “Eh ?’’ “Yes.” “I am in love!—now don’t tell; you won't will you ?” said John violently seiz ing Maria by the Tand, and looking at her face with a most imploring impression. “Why, of course, you know, John, I'll never breathe a word about it; you know I won’t—don’t you John t” This was spoken in a mellow whisper, and the cherry lips of Maria were so near John’s ear when she spoke, that, had he turned his head to look at her, there might have occurred a dangerous collision. “Well, Maria,” said John, “I have told you now. and so you shall know aU about it. I have always thought a great deal of you, and ” “Yes, John.” “I ara sure you would do anything for me that you could ?” “Yes, John, yon know I would.” “Well, I thought so, and you don’t know how long I’ve wanted to talk to you about it.” “I declare, John, I—yon might have told me long siDCe if you wanted to for I am sure I never was augry with you in my life.” “No, you wern’t: and I have often felt a great mind to—but—” “It’s not too late now, you know. “Well, Maris, do you tbink I am too young to get married ?” “Indeed I do not, John; and I know it would be a good thing for yon too; for everybody says that the sooner yonng people get married the better, when they are prudent and inclined to love one an other.” “That’s just what I think; and now. Maria, I do want to get married; and if you’ll— “Indeed I will, John—for you know I was always partial to yon—and J’ve said so often behind your back,” “ Well, I declare, I have all along thought you would object, and that’s the reason I’ve been afraid to ask you.” “Object ? No, I’ll die first. You may ask of me anything you please!” “And you’ll grant it ?” “I wiU ” “Then, Maria, I want you to pop the question for me to Mary Sullivan, for—” “What?” “Eh 1” “Do you love Mary Sullivan ?” “Oh! indeed I do, with all my heart l” “I always thought you were a fool!” “Eh?” “I say you’re a feol! and you’d better go home. Your mother wants you ! Oh, you—you—you stupid?” exclaimed the mortified Maria, in a shrill treble; and gave John a slap on the cheek that sent him reeling. John went his way in a state of per plexity, weodering what in thunder Maria could get so mad about. A very gushing young lady turned to Mr. Snap and asked him in passionate tones: “Oh—ah—Mr. Snap, tell me! What—what—is yonr idea of real happi ness ?” Mr. Snap—“Never reached the lull meaning of the word, yet, bnt I guess pork and beans would cover the ground.” A Guaulsea Plan. A New Yorker, who was in Denver when the rash ap the Gunnison valley began was approached by one of the ‘natives’ with ; ‘Stranger in these parts, I reek- on 7* ‘Yes/ ‘Looking for a chance to make eome money, I take it 7* ‘Yes.’ ‘ ‘Then you are the pilgrim I'm looking for. There's a big rash for Gannison.' ‘Yes.’ ’And they’ve got a town laid out, and everybody’s on the whoop.' ‘J ust so.’ ‘In a month from this they’ll have fifty poker rooms, as many saloons’ a dozen dance booses and three or fonr theatres going, bnt there won’t be a church in the whole diggins. Now, then the first chnrch is going to get the cream of the business. If we can jump in there with a religion which don’t back too hard again^poker and a fight nowand then, the pewk will rent for $100 a piece qnicker than we can make change.' ‘Wtat do yon propose 7’ ‘Why, to form a stock company, build the first chnrch, get a h—11 of a preach er, and rake in fifty per cent, on oar capital. No reason why we can’t ran a faro bauk in the basement, a saloon in the rear, and combine business with the salvatiou of goals. I’m no Chris tian, pilgrim, bat I’m double-jointed, three-ply, bomb-proof on securing a religion for a new town which fills a contribution box chock up every time it is passed for the benefit or the blast ed heathen ’ How to Tell That Eggs are Eggs- A good egg will sink in water. A boiled egg which is done will dry quickly on the shell when taken from the kettle. The boiled eggs which adhere to the shell are fresh laid. After an egg has laid a day or more, the shell comes off easily when boiled. A fresh egg has a lime-like surface to its shell. Stale eggs are glossy and smooth of shell. Eggs which have been packed in lime look stained and show the action of the lime on the surface. Eggs packed in bran for a long time smell and taste mnsty. With the aid of tbe hands or a piece of paper rolled in funnel shape and held toward the light, the human eye can look through an egg, shell and all. If the egg is clear and golden appear ance when held to the light it is good; if dark or spotted, it is bad. The badness of an egg can sometimes be told by shaking it near the holder’s ear, but the test is a dangerous one. Thin shells are eansed by a lack of gravel, etc., among tbe hens laying the egg** Many devises have been tested to keep eggs fresh, bat tbe less time aa egg is kept the better for the egg and the one who eats it. DelirloKK from Tobacco. The mental experiences of a citizen of Norwich, Conn., in whom the exces sive use of tobaoeo recently produced a sort of delirinm tremens, are tbas described by the Bulletin: "Then fol lowed a season of dersngement and visions, less intense and terrorizing than those belonging to the alcoholic frenzy, bnt annoying and remarkable to the patient. Be saw black flies in myriads upon tbe walls of his room, then thousands of fireflies, such as are seen in Jane. These were followed by millions of little golden metallk-haed beetles. He sat beside a lovely stream of water, that was not there, and gazed into its limpid depths. He saw crowns, queer garments covered with tbe heads of nails, all sorts of armor, and bric-a- brac enongh to furnish every house in the State. Daring one whole day the atmosphere Was so yellow that he could not see tbe neighboring residences; another day clondy veils shat oat from his view for brief intervals the objects about him.’ .u flUnr if A shrewd girt ont west has earned a re- rort to be circulated that she will have $24,500 in cash the moment she becomes of age. She ia now reveling in oyster sap pers, ice cream, and buggy rides, tendered in profusion by the dry goods and grocery clerics of the town to which she likes. Tbe Cellar-Dattei Somehow yotf always seem too TO rightly *t the battoa heti O pearly dbk, yoa tack my w When into ay since you ML I toes yo* twenty Bam a week. And And you when I think yon lost, When hunting you on mens of froet, What enlogieeof peace 2 apeak. Yon wander boldly down my back, And o’er the carpet nimbly stroll, Then underneath the bureau roll, And settle ta the furthest crack. —Pocfc WIT AND ni’XOB The girl whoee'mouth looks like strawber ries and cream takes the cake. The freckled trout w beautiful. There is a prejudice against the freckled girl. The best time to pop the question to a religions girl is dr.ring a revival. A state densely inhabited and which no one can bound—the state of drunkenness. Mach of tbe talk of the great quantity of whiskey ra Kentucky is mere moonshine' Let ns learn upon earth those things which call ns to heaven. The last society freak is to furnish ice cream stamped with the initials of the guest. Marriage is a lottery and the ugly old man has no ticket. That is why he says the concern is a swindle. The merchant who cannot sell without giving credit is in a bad way, for to rest is to rust, and to trust is to bust. Kissing is somewhat like seven np. If he begs, and she thinks she can make a point in tke game, ske will give him one. Personal—John, eome back ; all is for given! Pa kicked the wrong man. He did not know it was you. Stella. The differenco between a boy and a dog consists in the fact that when the dog 6nds a scent be doesn’t spend it for candy- ,We are a nation of grit,’ remarks the New Haven Register. ‘Even the cotten we ship is full of sand.’ Yes; and the sugar, too. Down in Kentucky they tax a man one cent and costs for whaling his mother-in- law. Those burdens upon the downtrod den South must be removed. Why is it that whenever yon are looking for anything you always find it in the last place you look ? The reason is that yon stop looking when you find it. ‘What makes you look so deadly sick, Tommy V ‘Well, the fac' 'f the matter is, I’ve been taking my first ebew, and I ara an amachewer/ A dublin newspaper contained the fol lowing: “I hereby warn all. persons from trusting my wife, Ellen Flanagan, on my account, as I am not married to her.” When a high-tempered woman takes s position ia your presence, agree with ber perfectly, or you might have an inardent desire to know where hurts yon. It is said that the United States paid over three million dollars for buttons last year, and yet hundreds of noble grangers bad* their trousers and snspeaders united by the use of a shingle nail. He was an accommodating conductor who stopped his train long enough at Mary ville, Illinois, for a. villiage clergyman to. pronounce a hasty marriage ceremony for two eloping passengers. A Wisconsin woman who was Tost ia the woods for three days says she didn’t suffer so very mneh, bat was greatly an noyed by her absence of mind in not taking along a small looking glass. Seven months ago a Poughkeepsie lady broke off a needle in the palm of ker right hand and was unable to extract ft. The wound heated in a few days, and not long since the needle came ont of her left heel. A man intruded rato- an Irishman’* shanty the other day.—‘What do. yon want?’ asked Pat. ‘Nothing,’ was the visitor’s reply. Then you’ll find it in the jug where the whisky was.’ It is said that two Virginia girls have been fighting a duel with shot guns. They must have told on themselves, for it is not likely any one close enough to witness the affray Bumred. Niagara Falls is so brilliantly illaininat- ed by the electric light every evening that after paying the hackman, yon can easily see whether there ia anything left in your pocket. An Eastern men started a georgeoo* “briHrant parlor” out west, but neglecting' a liberal supply of spittoons it was said his establishment did not come op to the pub lic expectoration. The New Haven Register gives the fob lowing excellent directions aa to how to tell a good onion: “Hire jour best girl to eat it raw. ad then call upon her. If the onion is good your stay will be short.” It is feared that the enormous manufac ture of wooden teothpieks is ntterly de stroying the forests of America; bat then, the youug man who spends all his salary for good clothes most hare something to eat. A farmer living not many miles from Toledo has the foBowing warning conspic uously posted on his premises : “If any man or woman’s cows or oxen gita in this here outs, his or her tail wiU be cot ofl^a* the case may be.” r>'