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lie Weekly Democrat. R* * gl'ISEUi Editor and Prop’r Thursday, mat 4, 1882. TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION. ..$2 00 100 ..76 ..10 A*v»* m M 1 )"' 11 * «>?opt j lT »ri»bly in advance. advertising Rates ANJ) RULES. .....rtijemcnts inserted *t $2 per square /Vrstiaaertion, and $1 for each subse* fL’."are i* «i* bt " oliJ ,ine8 of tbil V *yi>*- * ^ lem , Made wiU contract adverti- *1 ,slices of eight lines are $15 per ■r #r $50 per annum. Local notices , Uaa three Months are subject to iwra "advertisers who desire their ad. riiMnests changed, must give us two •Ai notice, , « rksariae advertisements, unless othcr- M stipulsied in contract, will be changed gi; ceots per square. Marriage and obituary notices, tributes of ,‘pest. and other kindred notices, charged other advertisements. Advertisements must take the run of the aper, as we do not contract to keep them any particular place. Announcements for candidates are $10, if sly for one insertion. Bills arc due upon the appearance of the vertisement, and the money will be col. cted as needed by the proprietot. We shall adhere strictly to the aboverales, u<i will depart from them under no circum- lance*. I'SlXESS PROFESSIONAL. MEDICAL CARD. M. J . Nicholson, lias removed to Twilight, Miller coim- Georcia. Office in J. S. Clifton’s ’ feb.9,’82. MEDICAL CARD. E. J. Morgan Has removed his office to the drug store, orrnerly occupied by Dr, Harrell. Resi- ence on West street, south of Shotwell. her* calls at night will reach him. CHARLES C7BUSH, Attorney at Law COLQUITT, OA. Prompt attention given to all business en trusted to me. DENTISTRY. J.C. Curry , D . D. S ., Can be found daily at his office on South. Braid street, up stairs, in E. Johnson’s hailding, where he is ready to attend to the wants of the public at reasonable rates. dec-5- • mcuill, m. o meal McGILL & O’NEAL, ttorneys at Law. . BAINBKIDGE, GA. ! a ,l ^j>ffice will be found over the post of BYRON H. BOWER BOWER & DONALSON, leys and Counsellers at Law. in the court house. Will practice i,c * *3|tur and adjoining counties, . the styl* 2 re by special contract. and a-25 7 TOR M. L. BATTLE, Dentist. , je over Hinds Store, West side -cecrt house. Has fine dental engine, and will have everything to make his office first-class. Terms cash. Office hours 9 a. m. to 4 p. m. jan.!3tf JEFF D. TALBERT, Attorney at Law Bainbridge. Georgia. Will practice in all the courts, and busi- ■esi intrusted to his care will be promptly attended to. Office over store of M. E Barnett «fc Son. feb.23,’82. DR. L. H. PEACOCK, Respectfully tenders his professional serv ices to the people of Bainbridge and vicini ty- Office over store of J. D. Harrell & Bro Residence on West end of Broughton street, where he cau be found at night. April 6,1881— The Bainbridge Democrat. BY BEN. E. RUSSELL. BAINBRIDGE, GA, THURSDAY, MAY 4, 1882. | VOL. 11.—NO. 29 IIA8H. Do you want a receipt for the ten ible mystery Known to the world as boarding-house hash? Take remnants of meals now passed into his tory, Pulverize down to indigestible mash. Pieces of gristle and bits of old calico, A little whit leather not chopped very floe; An old rubber shoes that would’nt make "har icot,”' Chunks of cold taters and a rusty fork tins. Occasional chicken bones, picked down to nudity, A slice of raw onion to season its crudity, Several shirt buttons and a hairpin or two. Such an interminable mixnp will certainly do Hash, bash, bash, hash! With a pair of old overalls, and plenty of flavoring, A little cold liver with a bit of its gall, Eat of this componnd without your faith wavering ? Oh 1 boarding-house bash is the sum of it all. —Heu> Haven Register. A WOMAN’S DUEL. H. F. SHARON. Attorney at Law Office in Court House. Will practice iu all the courts of the Albany Circuit and Supreme Court of Georgia. In the Circuit and Supreme Courts of Florida, aud elsewhere by special contract. Bainbridge, Ga., April 23,1881—ly. MACON For special instruction in bookkeeping, penmanship, business arithmetic, corres pondence, bill heading, telegraphy and general business routine. w. McKAY, - - PRINCIPAL. For terms, information? as to boarding &c., apply to the principal. P. O. box 422, Macon, Georgia. B. F. COLBERT. WEIHEEIASIJEmEl Office at L. M. Criffin’s old stand, corner of South Broad and Troup streets, Bainbridge, - Ga. Cleaning and repairing, watches, clocks, sewing-machines and all kinds of jewelry, done With neatness and dispatch. _ tSTAll work warranted.-®* Bainbridge, G*., August 4, 1874.- Two Women Fight by Moon light for a. Lover. Special dispatch to Enquirer. Washington, D. C., March 20.— The inhabitants of the beautiful valley of Tyron mountain urere this morning startled by the discovery of a tragedy, startling, sickning and romantic in its details, it being no less than a deadly duel between two women, to decide which of the twain should have solely the affection of a man who had been paying attention to them both. Last night they met, and, after a desperate hand to-hand conflict one was left dead upon the field, although, as the sequal proved, her defeat was encompassed by means of foul play : RobeU 5. Jffiby, a larmer in humble i: *:, lived near the seene of the tragedy. A year sgo he was an ardent suitor for the hand of Miss Gracie Mills, who lived just over the South Carolina line ; but although he courted her frequently, 6he would not marry him. Some months since he met Miss Jane Jackson, who lived in the valley of Tyron mountain, here in North Carolina, and he gave up his long struggle for the South Carolina maiden and transfered his affections to Miss Jackson, upon whose heart, after more than one assault, he appeared to make some impression. As soon as the South Carolina woman discovered this sheen tertained violent hatred toward Jane Jackson, and the feeling was re turned by her rival, who had succeeded in getting the love of the man which had been rejected by the woman who was now vexed at not taking it when she bad the chance. Both were robust, country women, and it was thought there would be trouble between them, as each had on more than one occasion defied the other. Last night Miss Jackson was sitting in the house with a friend, Dora Spen cer. Just at dark a voice was heard from the road calling Jane Jackson Jane got up and went out, and never returned. This morning when search was made the searching party came up on a spot which gave evidence that it had been the field of a desperate battle for life. Sticks and atones were there, and the ground was torn by the tramp* ing of feet, while tbe soil had been turned into gory mud. Further search revealed a trail showing that a body had been dragged, and further on in a creek lay the body of Jane Jackson, stiff and cold, and in one of her clench* ed hands was found a turft of the hair of her assailent, which indicated that she had made a desperate struggle for her life. From all the evidence that could be elicited it seems that tbe two women met out in the road that night. The tracks show that Gracie Mills was ac companied by a man, and when she was getting the worst of the fight her Ale partner came np and struck a fatal blow with a fence-rail upon the head of Miss Jackson, and the two together proceeded to murder her. The hair which the dead woman clutched in her hand was that of Gracie Mills. Who her male accomplice was is a mystery The murderess has fled, and there is no clew to her whereabouts. The affair has caused wild excitement “Oh, papa,,’ said little tommy the other day, “didn’t yon say there was nothing new under tbe son ?” “Yes, my boy, the losophers say so.” “Well, look under me,” went on the young hopeful, getting up on the old gentleman’s bran new silk hat, “that is something new under the son, ain’t it?” The next thing the boy knew there was something old under the son, and it was his father's boot, with a foot in it. Governor Colquitt Explains. The following extract is taken from the Columbus Enquirer of a late date ; “A short time ago'the Macon Telegraph and Messenger stated in direct terms that Governor Colquitt had made a bargain with Judge Simmons of that circuit, by which the latter was to succeed Governor Colquitt ia gubernatorial honors. In the same papers of yesterday wo find this statement : “It is more than inspected that Governor Colquitt is anxious to barter away bi9 succession, it indeed, the contract be not already closed with one or more persons. He never denied that he had specially offered it to Mr. Stephens, nor has he or any of his friends taken occasion to refute the more than rumor, that he had made a similar offer to Judge Simmons, of this circuit. Governor Brown has been purged of any connection with this affair. The rumor is and has been rife for a long time that more than one gubernatoaial aspirant holds a sort of parol contract with the gov ernor and his friends, or both, for the succession and many very good people put faith in it. It has created some discussion, one of the results of which has reached us in a very authentic shape, to the effect that there is a written contract to the same effect still in existence, or rather a copy of it, that it was drawn up by a very enthus iastic adherent of the governor, when the latter was in great political stress, and that a prominent politician has a copy of it.’ “If this is not true, it will be an easy mat ter for the governor to set himself right in the premises. The charge cannot be taken as an attack npon the chief executive prompted by any motive save that of a desire to serve the party, as it emanates w!* 1 - „journal that give all the e ; d — 1 infiuenc. us Control to securing the eiectiou of the present incumbent. If Governor Colquitt has the good of the democratic party at heart he should either refute this or he should make it public and give his reasons therefor.’ The above was submitted to Governor Colquitt. We preface what he had to say with the simple statement that while the Telegraph and Messenger did aid in the election or Governor Colquitt the present management and editor both bitter ly opposed him before election and have lost no chance to criticise him since. The governor said : “I have not seen tbe articles to which you allude, and do not care to dignify them with my attention.” “You have nothing to say ?" “I do not like to answer even in response to an inquiry such ill-Datured insin uations. Yon may say, however, that I have never said one word to Judge Sim moos on the subject of the race. I have never written him one word or had a line from him. I have never authorized any one else to consult with him, I have never spoken to Governor Brown or General Gordon on the subject. I have not seen Governor Brown since he came to Georgia and don’t know when I shall see him. While Judge &immon3 is my friend and a gentle man whom I esteem most highly 1 hare never expressed a preference for him. Is this a full enough answer ? If not mak« fuller, if possible. There is no use answer ing these rumors. First, it was Mr. Steph ens to whom I had offered the succession. That failing, it was Judge Simmons. This failing, it will be some one else.” “You may say farther,” said the gover nor earnestly, “that while J da not claim from my position any single right that tbe humblest voter does not have, I shall never admit that it restrains me from the rights of the proudest citizen When the candidates for the nomination are before th» people, if I have a choice I shall Rot hesitate to express my preference, and to emphasize that expression by all legitimate means. This is my right as a citizen it is ray duty as a citizen’ and I shall no be back ward in asserting it when the proper time comes.” Mahone in Trouble. Lynchburg Advance. The revolt of the independents in the legislature against the effort of Mahone and Biddleberger to repnblicanize the party, meets with the hearty approval of true and honest' readjustee through the state. It is a great mistake for these mercenary leaders to suppose that the privates are all as venal as themselves. Doubtless they do not understand how any one can act from aDy other motive than the hope of gain. In their ntter abandon, their scorn of all principle, they haTe gone a little too far. A reaction was inevitable, and it has set in. Wfipt we have seen constitutes only the first big black drops. The storm is just behind and if yon haTe ears to hear you can catch the low, ominous notes of warning. In its fury all the woes of the seventh vial are gathering for the men who have degrad ed and disgraced their native state, at the behest of a low, ignoble and sordid am bition. When that day of wrath arrives, let all the doers of evil stand from under ; let him that is in the field not return to tbe house, and let him that is on the house top come not down ; for the doom of pol itical damnation will follow fast after every politician who has sought to sell his state for guilty gain. Sightly* Mixed. Newspapa readers often see curious mistakes in japers which appear hard to account fot These are sometimes made by the foeraao in making np the forms, and in various ways. Any one who has even had Ay intimate mnection with a newspaper Will appreciate this ; The CircleviUe Wstahmso i* responsi ble for the following: “GeorgeKinder, editor of the Putnam Conaty Sentinel, recently wrote up a herd ofshoit horn cattle, and the same week the laiies of Ottawa gave a concert which puffed in flowery language. The foremm of the office had drank too much tea,pvtdent- ly, and got the items somewhai mixed. This is how they read: “The :oncert given last evening by sixteen oi Otta wa’s most beautiful young ladia was highly appreciated. They were elegant ly dressed and sang in the most chinn ing manner, winning the enthusiastic plaudits of the entire audience, Vho pronounced them the finest short horns in the country. A few of them are of a rich brown color, but the majori y of them are spotted, brown and whii^,. Several of the heifers weigh as high id Some Slew Arithmetic. In a school room are twelve benches and nine boys on a bench. Find who stole the teacher’s switch. A laundress takes in twelve shirts and has four stolen from her line. How many are left and what are the kwCrs going to do about it T A farmer sold eleven bushels of pota toes and the prodaot pnfehaeed twe gallons of whisky at ninety cento per gallon. How much per bnshel did he get for his potatoes and where did he keep the jug ? What velocity must a locomotive have to pick np a deaf man walking on the track and fling him so high that six cars pass before he comes down T A boy earned twenty cents a day for eighteen days, and bought his mother a muskrat muff costing $2.10. How many hulls are there in a pint of peanats f A mother standing at the gate ealls to her boy who is exactly sixty-eight feet distant. It takes two minutes and twenty-two seconds for the sound to reach him. Find from this the velocity with which a woman’s voice travels. A woman earned forty-two cents per fifteen hundred pounds—fine bodies day by washing, and supported a light limbed animals. They are sai 1 husband who consumed four to be excellent miners, and as high a? dollars worth of provisions a week, twenty pounds of . utter have been \How much was she in debt at the end made from one in a siu;le week.” f pf each month up to the time he was A Wife Worth,IWlmg. We know a lady who is indeed one tong thousands. For a long time she rendered valuable aid in supporting her _ 6 cu parents, and after \he death of her father she supported’^er afflicted u.:*her and herself very comfortably. She did all the household! work and then went to the tielu with the labor of her own hano mode a good crop and her fa , honor? always self-supporting. By la* 8entei bt she made with the needle 44 \Ire tg \arning a neat sum for the work, trice mfused all offers of marriage becauk and p* e ifc ;t her duty to care lot her P ar 1kpj ct 4 tbe * r old age. Her fidelity to if the iiined for her the admiration -anFading 0 f a most excellent gentleman, toj^^idie is now married. She has been true in 'every relation in life, and we feel sure that the gentleman has a laly w ho is indeed a help-mete. We withhold the lady’s name because of the’^tdy’s modesty. We do not believe iis the plan of withholding merited priis^'an- til after death, and in this instaico’lthe courage displayed in battling wth tbs adverse circumstances of life retlly deserves special mention.—Buena Vuta Argus. Gnrfield'N Doctor Bills. Washington, March 20.—When th> doctors’ bills for attendance npon Presi dent Garfield, and the other bills ex penses incidental to his illen and death, are reported to the house, it is probable that the minority of the com mittee will make a report and indulge in some speech-making of a sensational character—at least, such » the present intention of some members of tbe com mittee. A member of the committee recently said be did not believe it to be the business of the house to pass upon bills ranging in amount from 24 cents to $25,000. He thought the bills should have gone, in the first place, to the legal representative of Gen. Gar field, and have been brought by him before congress, when the parly of the late president mightTiave been extend ed a sufficient time to cover the ex penses. The bills altogether amount to about 140,000. It is also intimated that there will be attacks upon the President’s physicians, suggestions that there has been no evidence to show such extraordinary skill as wouid seem to be indicated by the large fees recam mended by the majority of the com mittee, and even, perhaps, a revival of the old charge that ^>ne of the physi cians profited by telegrams sent to Wal street in advance of the bulletins. The Savannah, Florida and Western Railway is on a boom. No other rail road company in the State has shown more enterprise of management or more material advancement during the last eighteen months than the S. F. & W. From the Savannah News we learn that some very extensive and handsome ad ditions have just been made to the railroad stock of this road, including several large locomotives and some ele gant passenger coaches and sleepers. The management of this corporation is most liberal and progressive, and it is doing a great deal for the development of Southern Georgia and a good portion of Florida.—Albany Netcs and Adver tiser,. [6nt to the work bouse ? A farmer agreed to give his son four d one-half acres of land for every cord wood he chopped. The son ehop- three-sevenths of a cord and broks h% axe and went off rabbit hunting, w much was he entitled to. A certain young mau walks five- sevenths of s mile for seven nights in a v »ek to see his girl, and after put- tint in 112 nights in a week to aee hia’girl, and after putting ht 112 nights he -tels the bounce. How many milei didpe hoof it altogether, and how many wee:s did it take him to understand that he was not wanted f T ?o men agree to build a wall togets her. ^ One does four-fifths of the boa sing, ind tee other threetenths of the work, and they finallr conclude to pay a man $^8 to finish the job, find the length of the man who did the work. A Great Day Tor FlaMag. “Did yon have much Jack, Uncle Mom!' asked a gentleman of an old Galveston fisherman. “Nebber seed fde like. It wua all day long jerk 1 np comes a five-pound red-fish jerk agin, up comes a six-pound trout; jerk agin, np comes a seben-pound sheep-head. It nebber stopped one second.” “How did you catch fish that fast with out stopping to bait your hook f Come now, Mose 1” “Bait de hook ? All dem fish was on de same hook. Dar was no chance to bait de hook. De six-pound redfish swallowed de five-pound trout, and seben-pouad ■heepbead jest jobbled do six-pound red- Tsh jtod I jest kep on ontil dey was about twenty fish on de hook, and den I hauled ’<m in and put on fresh bait. Has yer cctched my moanin' T"—Galveston Newa. Finn Lora. A long story in tha Wheeling leader in healed, “Her first love.” Wo hare no time to read long stories, but if it really and truly her first love it is safe to aay he go. away. It takes a practiced hand to know ’nst when to reel in, pay out more line an! “play” him ’till he can be landed and pm in the basket. It can’t be dona by a girl with her first lore, became of the excitem%t when she first feels there is one nibbling, earning her to shat both her eyes, pall for dear life and throw him fif teen teet infs the air when the hook dropa out of his . . -uth, he falls “slap” iato the water and Acds under some old root. The desert of liiifia strewn all over with the bleaching bcoea of first loves, who have had their jaw town off so they conld not masticati they food.—Peck’s 8un. “A Great Moral Lesssa" Those who pass “the boxes,” wherein the alms of the congregation art pat, see many moral lesjooa,bnt none more graphic than this one: At a meeting of some colored brethren it was decided to make a collection. The President couclw'ed to pass the hat him self. and, in order to encourage the others he pnt in a ten.eet* piece. After the col lection, during whith every hand have been in the bat, the Prudent approached the table, turned the hat ap-side down, and net even his own contribution dropped oat. He opened bis eyes with astonishmeent, and exclaimed, “I’m eben lost de tea cents I Btarted wid I” Then there was consternation en the faces of the the SBsembfr. It was evident- ly a hopeless case, pnd fas summed np by one brother, who rose in his place and said solemnly. “Dar ’pears to be a great moral lesson roan’ head aomewhar.” 1 FeemIterate* eflhs Priater. The printer ia a patron of the art pres- ervatioa of all arts, hat he frequently has tha art of getting a poor writer into ai pickle. The printer sets while Banding, and standi while setting. The printer is net usually a wealthy person, bat generally has aqnion or two about him. H« sometimes does very poor work bnt nil his work; good or had, ia justifiable The printer does not often carry cane, but yon will almost always ind him with a stiek in hia hand. Seme times he is a stick himself. The printer is a materialist. All his thoughts are npon matter. Most men like to have things dome out square at the end of each day, but the printer hates to be obliged to bring his work out even. This sounds odd but it is even so. Though correcting his corrors every day, the printer may .all the time be glowing worse. Though a perfect Jack Sprat in his fondness for lean meat, the printer never objects to fat. He is often a profound reader, hut al ways dislikes solid matter. The printer is like the acotr in the fact that he hates to see a beggarly array of empty boxes. The printer may not be averse to poetry, but he detests pi. The good printer is known by his form. So eareful is he of his form that he always locks it up. Though not always correct, the prin ter's work is invariably done by rule. The printer is a very inoffensive in dividual, but ia quite clever with the shooting stick. The printer is not satisfied with think ing his work is complete; he always wants a proof of it. The printer is your true man of let ters, though he may not be a literary man. Tha printer is an upright mao, but he is frequently seen about the gal leys. The printer used to be very bashful sort of a fellow, bug now that females aia employed in printing offices, he will Mt up with a girl six evenings a week, aud he goes to press every day Types of the human raee are scatter ed all over the earth, and the printer die tributes his types in all directions. The printer is not necessarily a (port ing character, hat his form may fre- queitly be seen the chase. The printer ia eftea beside himself) that ia tossy, be frequently atanda beside his frame. Like the lawyer, the printer is de pendent upon hia cases for • livelihood. When a printer has finished bis job, he works it off. He reckons his work by the token by this token may yon know that he gives you full measure. Much more might he said of the prin, tor, hat this mast de for to-day- Let us eloee by hoping that when he hseamee dead matter an imposing atone may he erected to his memory.—Newberry, Herald. Crepe la Mathers Geerplaa. Our information from all parts of Southern Gqprgia represents the crops as in a most favorable condition. It is generally believed that the cotton area has been largely deoreased and that ef corn and other provision eropa pro portionately increased. Ia many lions the prospect ia reported as very fine ,and in a few looalitus bettor then ever before. The oat crop, now rapidly advaaciag to maturity, snfferod for run ia some sections daring the early spring, but the recent rains seem to have bee* general acd a fiae crop is now expected The truck forms along the Savannah, Florida and Western Railroad and its branthas are also reported ia a pros perous condition. In a few instanoes planting was too early without adequate protection, especially of melons, but generally the prospect is good, while in Lowndes, Brooks and Thomas counties the melon crop is reported unnsuaHy promising for this season. Of peaches, apples, pears, figs, plums, grapes, etc., the prospect is lair, and with bo late frost the country will be blessed with an abundant crop of fruits, Tbe great est difficulty encountered by the form ers is the scarcity of labor.—Many forms have been enrtailsd for the waat of field laborers, tbe lumber sod turpen. tine business in the pine regions having drawn away mneb of the labor here tofore available.—Sae. News 18th. WIT Alt to mtJMOM- Beauty If fdMnt, but meMy is omni- . -r-- Never kneifo to gdt titbd—OdtaUDdmf' j ? When •' giri eravvis on Mf good leekff She pooMi for her foes value. . ff * Wkat da yed Ufek of ay new benaet f 3 aoM Mrs. Spieer. 'Teo much' poke for tf stiffing,”safil Be*| but he 4KB dfofoge kit mind when tbe bil eomee W. Aa Olio girl's toast > "The young men of America' ■■IbeiTasais eft oat supporters; oar arms are tbefr rettard; foftin, men; foB in.” Aa Indian evangelist asksr 'CWa a Be-' publican get to heaven T* We hasten to* say that he eaa—tf he hae the handling ef the retnrae. Some men’s anew are Eke coma heekefM* the mere immortal they cm tbe mete tod they am. Ah aid negro ft "Saaa H pe#s*Mf good ia avefptkiag hut children. Vof nCiff *MSM> ether kind ef drceeing." Alexander Stephens says ft took kM . ten long years to learn that afhe then eut of tea who waat tbs favor of a sfoaR lean; have no intention of repaying ft afatfl tkof wont a larger one. Patiente do more for the doctors than’ doctor* do for patients.' The patients en-' able doctors to live. w Oscar Wfid says he knows a certain 1 , young lady’s kisa hi arfeet, because he got , it from the yotfng lady’s lips IrfrnMtf. A number of critics charge Blind Tom' with playing in a mechanical manner. He' * is a sort of atr-tommyton, as it Were. “Have yon got the font ready at Idstf 1 ^ ' “No, sir; mother’s gone oat washing, antf forgot to pdt it eitt for yotf." ‘'DM ekd tell job she’d fotgottetf T* “Yefl.sdr.” A periodical was started hot long aga^ , the first number of which contained a let- . ter from a correspondent who signed him self "A Constant Reader.” The first step tomtfd making a mau ef your son is to tain him to cam what hi’ spends; the next beat step is to teach him? to save what he earns. A school marm in Kentucky marred one of her pUpils. and, subsequently de-* tect'hg him breaking the rtrfes in school; ferruled him and a fellow enfprit with great impartiality and considerable tigir. A pretty Philadelphia girl, en being asked why her engagement had been brok en eff replied: “Yotf toe he Came to mi one day with an album in his pocket ana proudly displayed the autograph of Charles J. Gniteaa, which he #ent to WaskfngtoS on purposes to’gst. I Was not anxious ttf many a bom fool, so We parted. We once heard of of a traveler at d Pennsylvania hotel; Who rose from hia bed at night to examine the Weather, hat in? stead of looking atrf tfpou the •kj, thrust his head thrush tk* glass window of a cupboard. “IaadforiT,” Cried the eetonieV ed man, “this is very singular weather; fhq night is as dark H Egypt, and smoDs of cheese 1" Mamma, ia the old hsngoffigtohetaai away for the summer T” “No, Charlie j but why da you MtT” “Wall, X heard papa tell the uew govern eta that thSy would have a fiae old time Whea he Mat the old hea away for the summer.'” Jfaas* mt pot Uttie Charlie W bed. It was aa Irish pilot, who being asked i/ he knew the rocks ia the harbor, replied, with confidence; “I do yer honor, ivery one av them. That’s was,” ha added calmly, aa tha ship strode it, filled and sank. Two successive editors of et Xddfed newspaper were ekot Had kifled ia thS setae sane tern. The prceeht editor keg posted up the foDoWing sarcastic dga i No ahoetihf allowed is this room/’ The idea has tessotos prevalent that the young Indies Who pflastieo tight Mtig ere foot This is aa error, aa moat stayed ef their as* Aq old sailor was observed teheflitog* ing about the door ef a church wham sr marriage wa taking piece. He explained that he liked to aee the tide going oat. “Gentlemen ef the jury," said a Mwsder- iag counsel, in a suit about a lot of hega; “There were Jtot thirty til in the deore.- Pleato remember Iks feet—thirty-six bags j just three times at maoy aa in that jery box. gentiemear." That eonnaai didn’t gain Urease. “There, there, don’t ery any more,"mid the kind-hearted stringer to n fifth gill vhrf was leaning against the riffling in foeet ef afpubbe school hews, weeping ad If her heart would break. “TeD Us What’s tbf matter.” The ChBd tanked two highiy ie-' flamed orbs Up at the old SocVitoa, did then stammered betWee* her sobs: "Ail the girls in my efims were voccfooted fast week, and antte’s tha Cttfy ona that hasn't took.” — WHeaifoitdg. "Oh. I sea oner “Where T” “O; my, m he MT* “L*Ua catch hia f* "Who’s got the baft?” “Yob Wjr thing, yoi arc sitting an riy poier “Oh, something's got my hookr “Pan dp, you iffffefdiot r "Oh, ntorder I feke H Cwsy. Ugh i take if ariay, the nWty thing t 'How ## it erejT get off!” „ 'Ain’t it taettof . WMtdcrffttatetdtor * , Poor little tkrngt let’s pnt if heck again!“ “How will it get the hook frOavM'd mouth*” * »