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feekly Democrat. IkU‘, Editor anil Prop’r -pay. may 25.1682. foFlTO iScki i*Ti3> t . $200 1 00 75 V.V... 10 l 40 advance. RATES ANT) RULES, inpcrtc-l at $2 per square Lion, and $1 far each subse- I, right solid lines of this type. ia ,l e with contract adverti- | rf , „f eight lines are S15 per Tgjj p c rannum. Local notices Jliree monttis are subject to [dVcrtiscrs who desire their ad- i changed, must give us two ■ advertisements, unless other- led in contract, will be changed per square. Jin 1 obituary notices, tributesof „iher kindred notices, charged -erti-emsnls Imcntfl must take the run of the do not contract to keep them Iciiliir place. Intents for candidates are $10, if [insertion i 0( spon the appearance of the |nt, and t!‘C money will be col- T..i!„| Itv t!>t proprietoi. r.||,ere-iriclly I" the aboverules, kart from them under nocircum- & PROFESSION A L. [medical card. J. Nicholson, |oved t« Twilight, Miller conn- Office in J. S. Olilton’s feli-0,’83. [medical card. J. Morgan loved his office to the drug store, copied by l>r, Harrell. Resi- |l>-t street, south of Shotwell. i at niglit will reach him. Carles c. bush, rncy at Law COL'jUITT, GA. laltention given to all business en- DENTI3TRY. iCurry, D. D. S., I found daily at his office on South up stairs, iu K. Johnson’s vliere he is ready to attend to the |lic public at reasonable rates. dec-5-78 M. OK EAL McGILL & O’KEAL. rneys at Law. BA1NBK1DGE,*GA. fice will be found over the post of- I .SON, BYRON B. BOWER. OWER & DuNALSON. lys and Counsellors at Law. n the court house. Will practice tr and adjoining counties, and ■ by special contract. a-2a 7 r 0 R M. L. BATTLE, Dentist. over Hinds Store, West side use. lias line dental engine, ttud t everything to make his office s. Terms cash. Office hours 9 4 p. m. jan,13tf JEFF D. TALBERT, ornoy at Law, Mwoi'irhipre. Georgia, iractic- in all Y.l\r courts, and bnsi- usted to his care vwill he promptly 1 to. Office over store of M. E. I £ nun. feb.23.tt2. DR. L. H. PEACOVK, i’K f elsic I fully tenders his professional serv- tlte people of Uainbridge and vicini- over store of J. Id. Harrell «fc Bro ce on West end of Broughton here lie can be found at night. 6.1881 — F. m MOCRAT. BY BEN. E. RUSSELL, j BAINBRIDGE, GA, THURSDAY, MAY 25, 1682. VOL. 11.—NO. 32. lteyond. Never a word is said Bat it trembles iu tbc air, And the truant voice has aped To vibrate everywhere; And perhaps far ofT iu eternal years The echo may ring in our ears. Never are kind acts done To wipe the weeping eyes, But like dashes of the sun, They signal to the skies ; And above the angels read How we have helped the sorer need. Never a day is given But it tones the after years, And it carries up to Heaven Its snnshine or its tears; While the to-morrows “land and wait Like silent mutes by the outer gate. There iB no eDd to the sky, And the stars are everywhere, Anil time is eternity, And tbc here is over there ; For the common deeds of the common day Are ringing bells in the far away. TUBS LOAE SUMWBERRY. >1 A. Miller "ounly : .. — ! whcui it tiny concern : T F. Jones mide application to have the Clerk rim Court of said county appointed rtrator of the estate of A. J. Miller, there ore to cite all persons concern, how cause if any tliupcitn within ihe lowed by law, why said application not be granted. This April 19,1882. \VM. GRIMES, Ordinary. MACON Eia mii 'pecial instruction in bookkeeping. ,s hip. business arithmetic, corres- hill heading, telegraphy aud business routine. lKAY, - - PRNIC1PAL. terms, information as to hoarding j'l'lv to the principal. P. O. bos •non, Georgia. MASER AND JEWELER. jsgaS mm *t L. M Criffin’s old stand, corner South Broad and Troup streets, ridge, - - Ga. ning and repairing, watches, , sewing-machines and all kinds of y. done with neatness and dispatch. GF"All work warranted. M >dge, Ga., August 4, 1874.— A ISrontl IBint to Ilakers of I.cmitnade. I dont know how many had flopped their lips over the glass wheu it came uty turn, but the lone strawberry float ing on top looked a little worse for wear. It was down at the Sunday-school pic nic t’other day, you kcow, and the fellow who dished up the lemonade hit upon the bright idea of adding a crim son berry. Whatever induced him to do it is beyond my comprehension, for what could one poor little strawberry do for an honest liviug in a glass of leuiouade ? I like strawberries. They ar# tip top when you can smother a lot of ’em iu cream and talk love; but when you tackle one—just one broken-hearted little remnant of a short crop—and it comes bobbing up aud down iu a whole glass of leuiouade, you feel like taking the loue berry out on a couple of chips. When I had drained the lemonade to the bottom, taking care to leave the poor strawberry, I sent the glass back to be filled again. I watched it care fully. I wanted to see that the berry was not injured or bruised. The man who would hurt that berry iu the least would murder his grandmother. I saw the lemonade chap fill her up, and I eagerly uoted how tne berry rose to the surf ace ; but itf did not come back to me. Fairer hands than mine encom passed the glass, and a pair of spark* ling eyes beamed down sweetly upon that berry. I continued to watch that glass for two reasons. I had a big interest in the lone berry, and it was under the care of the sweetest blossom on the ground. She raised the glass to her lips—two bars of coral—and the end of her beautiful nose tickled the berry un til it danced with glee in the lemonade. Again she raises the glass, and gradu ally the berry sinks to the bottom bruised and bleeding. Lemonade is always made in a barrel at a first- class picnic. Again the frazzled rem nant of the berry rises to the top. It goes this time into the horny hands of a, ISKSk*®.'." —h'ht i “S-iCfe TT alLthe same. I see it hide under his mustache as he quaffs the ade, and I bold my breath in l'ear that it is lost forever. But when he taks the glassdown*I see that the berry is safe. It is worn and hag gard though. The bristles on that man’s lip were too much for it. They wore off its beauty, so to speak, and the glass goes back to the barrel to be refilled. This time it comes back to me. Poor down-trodden strawberry ! But a short time ago it was the queen of the patch, reclining upon the ea:th be neath the shade of a strawberry leaf. Then it was in the blush of beauty — crimson, ripe and luscious. Now rag ged, jaded, its substance gone, its glo ry departed. Thus I thought as I rescued it from the lemonade and despair. Did I throw it out of the window that it may be buried by the waving grass below ? No ; I quietly slipped it into the barrel where it might find company, but it didn’t, I was mistaken. There wasn’t another strawberry in the barrel! When I drink strawberry lemonade, I want more than one to the barrel. At least one more would give color and tone to the ade, but you can hard y ex pect one to do it. Not at a picnic, nohow., Tom Arter. A Stringent Case. O'd bowlcgged Jake, a colored man of high standing and extreme blackness, entered the County Clerk’s office yes terday and said : ‘Boss, I wants a par ob marriage license, l’se an old man, but I’sc a gwine ter marry one ob de youngest gals in dis community.’ ‘Have the parents of the girl any ob jections to her marriage ?’ asked the clerk, hesitating as to whether or not that the license should be issued. ‘Hit doan seem so to me,’ replied Jake. ‘Did you ask the old man's consent ?' ‘No, sah.’ ‘How do you know, then, that he does not object ?’ ‘Wall, yer see, I has been callin’ on de young lady for some time, an’ las’ uig’nt de ole man come in, took down a army gun, an’ said he reckoned dat me an’ Liody aughter git married. Dis uioroin he come ober to the house wid de gun an’ said sumthin’ about my goin at o.nce an’ gitten de license. I tide him I had a wife some whar in de country, hut he cocked de ole gun an’ looked so sad like, dat 1 struck a trot fur dis office.’ ‘If you have a living wife, old man, I can’t issue the license.’ ‘But, boss, dis is one of he’sr strin gent cases. De fodder ob de gal is standin nut at de corner ob de house Wid dat army gun. It’s better, boss, fur a man to hab two libin wifes den it is fur a ’oman ter hab one dead hus band,’ Finally the old man with the gun was induced to come into the office and explain. ‘Wall, yer see, boss,’ he said, ‘ole Jake hab been burnin iny oil an' warin out de bottoms ob my chairs long enough. lie’s been eatin at my house utore'n a year, courtin my gal, au’ now l wants him to board de gal awile. El he don’t, I'll hab to injer him.’ After a while however, the old man agreed that if Jake would pay him five dollars, the affair would be settled without marryiage. The money was paid over, and the two men contemplate establish ing a catfish restaurant. Danger*) of Elating aw Seen by a Humorist. About a year ago we had discarded everything that we thougbt.was dan gerous to the health, when we were startled on learning that syrup was adulterated with nitric acid, and that miasma lurked in the deadly folds of the boarding bouse battercake. Fig ures were given to show that the dread ful battercake habit was spreading aud prophecies were made that it would eventually ruin the constitution of the strongest devotee, and reduce the na tion to a vast hospital of flapjack inva lids. So the battercake was scratch off edible fruits, and next went the fra grant codfish ball, because it was said to produce cold feet. Then we learned that the sad-faced and cobensive biscuit was synonym of ■'fu'digesrion'AiVi 1 he unostentatious kraut but another name fo* .rheumatism, so that the biscuit and kraut had ; then we found out that castor oil con tained the gems ol ingostatic molecule, whatever that is, and were therefore fotced to give up the use of that hila rious beverage. '1 Lis thing went on until we had cut eve.ything lroui our bill of fare bat cistern water and chewing gum, and yet found ourselves no stronger or healthier than when we were hastening to the tomb from the effects of gorging ourselves with a heavy line of assort ed poisons three or four times a day. About that time a man came along with a magic lantern and showed us that every drop of cistern water eou- tained au aquarium of hideous marine monsters, with wriggl ng tails, and a druggist told us that the habit of gum chewing was a fruitful source of can cer. Next thing we did was to swear off being an infernal fool on the diet ques tion. and now we eat anything and ev erything tbab our teeth will masticate or palate commend, aud we can work ten hours a day and see to read small print without spectacles. The Boston papers say the girls of that city have begun to wear police helmet- hats. ’IThd should the Boston papers warn the Boston cirls. If they go to iwmitating the Boston police, they will never catch a man. Sarah Wasn't There, . Charley Shaw of the Detroit Opera House, was grinning at the window of the box—offiefe the other day when in walked a chap with an agricultural bronze on his face and asked : ‘Does any one perform here V ‘Oh, yes.’ ‘This afternoon ?’ ‘No ; to-night.’ ‘How much to see ’em ?’ ‘Well, I can give you a seat for half a dollar, and you can hold your girl on your lap.’ ‘Wouldn’t anybody laff ?’ ‘Not much ! We don't allow any laughing in this house.’ ‘Well, maybe wo’li come. Has this theatre ever burned up ?’ ‘Never.’ ‘Any danger of fire on the stage?’ ‘Not a bit.’ ‘Any pick pockets around V •None.’ ‘Does anybody peddle lemonade P ‘No.’ •Any prize packages given out ?’ ‘No.’ •Take a half dollar with a hole in it?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘What kind of a play is it ?’ ‘It’s tragedy.’ ‘Tragedy? Then that lays me out: Sarah v*a 9 to a show last year where some one hit a feller who crawled under the canvass with a neck-yoke, and she faint ed so dead away that they had to un hitch her corset and jerk off her shoes. Let her see a play where fellers are j libbing with pitch-forks, knocking down with pitch-forks, knocking down with crow-bars and sticking each other with swords, and she’ll tumble kerplunk and stop the show dead still. I hope you’ll do well and all that, but I don’t bring no Sarah to see no tragedy, and don’t you forget it. She fainted on me once, and my hair turned gray at the rate of a bushel a minit.’—Free Press A Newsboys Ucalh Bed. I had looked at the boy, whose years numbered fourteen or fifteen and saw iu the white face, hollow cheeks and the unearthly bright eyes the unmistakable marks of that dread disease which places its CTctims beyond all hope—consump tion. On the table lay an old Bible, its yellow pages lying open where the rnotb er had fini-hed reading. He was too weak to cough, and the accumulation in his throat could not be removed. ‘ Shine yer boots—shine ’em fer a nick—morniug paper, sir ?” came in feeble accents from the pillow. ‘Pa per sir ? Morning paper ! All about the ‘‘And the sufferer made au effort to clear his toroat, which occas- sioned something like a death rattle. The mother was on her knees at the lounge, sobbing and Jack, her other son who had brought me to the room, was by her side crying. I lifted the wasted frame and moistened the poor boy’s parched lips and tongue with wa ter from the cracked glass that stood on the window-sil. He felt the cool hand on his brow, and his mind came back >,a-hjm. “Ob, Jack, I’m so glad you’ve come I shaft sell any more pa pers, or black A.nv more boots, Jack ; don’t cry.—Mother’s Ve® reading somethin’ better’n newspapers to me, Jack, and I know where I’m goin. Give my kit to Tom Jones, I owe him twenty cents. Bring all your money home to mother, Jack. I wonder if I’ll be ‘papers’ or ’boots' np there Good bye mother; good-bye Jack. See ’em shine. Morning ” Jim, the news boy, was dead. Knows nil That Happens. The Rev. IVbangdoodle Baxter has the most flourishing Sunday school in Austin. A few Sundays ago he asked one of his pupils. “Who is dat ar mysterious Bein’ from whom nuffin’ am hid, who sees and knows eberyding what happens ? 1 axed dat queshun lag’ Sunday and I dow wants de an swer.” “I knows hit. My father tole me the right answer,” said one boy. “Well, den, who does your fodder say am d»t mysterious Bein’ who knows all things what happens ?” “De foah- man ob de grand jury.”—[ Texas Sift ings. “The American Kiss,” it is announced, is to be the subject of a book to be pub lished soon. As Dr. Holmes would say. the shape of the vclome should be e-lip- tickle. Maine and Georgia. N. Y. Sun. The following communication is from a known Maine Republican, a friend of Mr. Elaine: “A few days*ago at Alexandria, Ya., I met Gen. John B. Gordon, of Atlanta, and was very much interested iu his patri otic remarks cn the present condition of the country. Gen. Gordon has a noble record—he is brave, talented, eloquent; and I know from personal observation that he possesses the confidence of the entire South. “I am neither an officeholder nor a busi ness politician ‘nevertheless, I caunnt help thinking what a wonderful ticket for 1884. Maine and Geor.ia could preseut to the country if they had the sense of opportunity —James G. Blaine aud John B. Gordon. “All personal considerations aside, the business interests of the whole countav would rally to support a broad national movement that would leave do political North and no political South. “P.” It does uot seem to occur to those friends of Mr. Blaine who want to go in tor a broad national movement, that Con necticut and Texas, or Yeimout aud Miss- issipoi. or Ohio and South Carolina, wouid answer the purpose quite as well as Maine and Georgia Ohio and South Carolina for example. What a sentiment there would be in a ticket containing the names of John Sherman aud Wade Hampton! No doubt certain business interests would rally arouno Brother Blaine,*for it is well known in business circles that he is no deadhead in any enterprise to which he gives his whole heart. But just at this time it seems likely that Brother Blame’s political future lies South of the Equator, if anywhere. As for General Gordon, he left politics and went into the railroad business not very ■ong ago, on the grouud, we believe, that there was more mouey to be made iu rail roads than in politics. Kite were to leave business for politics now ; it might look as if he had changed his mind. The Tariff Commission. The tariff commission bill, which has become a law, provides that the president shall appoint from civil lire nine comntiss ioners, whose duty it shall be to do what congress has confessed its own inability to do—namely, to revise the Morrill mon strous protection legislation which dis graces the statute books. This is a grave and important trust, foron the composition of the commission aud itB report depend the adjustment of the trade and commerce of the country for very many years to come. It is fortunate that the president is left practicrlly free in the selection of the com mission. There is, to be sure, the restrict ion in the bill that he shall not appoint a brigadier general or a commodore ; that all the members shall come from “civil life;” but this limitation will not eu.barrass him, or no one except a pigheaded protection ist could suppose for a moment that the executive would select a tariff commission from the rnuy and navy registers. The task before the president is as ffnpor- tant a duty as he will be culled on to per form during his administration. His own party, it is certain, will endeavor to make the appointments for him in the protection interest, and the vote in the house of re presentatives shows that the democracy will not be slow in volunteering advice on thesuhject. The country expects from the president not a packed commission,but a fair, honest and throughly representative. Mr. Springer, in his admirable speech a few days ago, showed that the agricultur ists are, man for man more thah double the number of those engaged in manufact ures. Manifestly that inteiest should have a large representation. The whole cos^' mission business has not, so lar as congress is concerned, the confidence of tlA coun try. It is almost universally- regarded as a trick a',!/Is.8ubtertng.e.r 'The president, in its composition, may possibly save it from this contempt and win for it some degree of public respect.—N.Y. lierald. Mysteries ot’llic Ice Baslness. Gar<lner. Me., Journal. The'New York icemen are beginning again to play their shrewd little games.— every winter they tefl’ how much ice they are getting on the Hudson. That is to preveDt the down-easter from putting up much ice. Then, in the Spring, after the crop has all been harvested, they change front and tell how little ice there is on band, This is to make the down-ea3ters put a big price on their ice. so that it will uot be sold, and so that New Yorkers and others down South can sell their ice at a big price, and they do not care whether the KenDebeckeri can sell any or not. They had rat her sell one million tons of ice at $5 than two millions at §2. It is for the interest of New York icemen to cry up the scarcity bow, and they will do it. Let no man in Gardner be fooled, but when he gets a goed chance sell, and sell early. An exchange says : “A dozen women ride now where one rode a few years ago.” It will be aeen that this arrangement must be hard 09 the old borne. Mistaken Kind nests. Mormon wagons took sunflowers along with them on their way to Utah, and Iowa furmtts have bad a bard time fighting the pest. A single Scotch thistle planted in Victoria—the iSfcotchmen there had a congratulatory dinner over it twenty years ago—has covered ten thousands of acres and been the destruction of farms, 'i he scattered grain emptied from the bags of German troop-ships in the Revolution knocked off the value of our grain crop for all time to come by bringing the Hessian fiy. A careless man set out a French grape-cutting a few years ago with phyllox era on it, the pest is now sprinkled along the Pacific coast, creeping inland. Its ravages iu France have cost 3400,000,- 000. A man with a taste for peppery greens planted water cress in New Zealand, and the little plan* has spread so that the local legislature has to appropriate a round sum yearly to put the water cress out of existence and improve the water courses. A kindly, misguided man brougt over to New York a basketful of sparrows, not twenty years ago. and the little wretenes have already driven half o<*r song birds into the woods. In South America the same thing was done, and the birds are cleaning out the fruit crop. They will be here some day. Natural selection is occasion ally wiser in finding a place for men and animals than men. Khe Thought it was Just Too I-ovely. An Oil City young man was reading in the Derrick about recent doings in the Arotic regions, and his best girl was sitting near by, watching the wagging of his mustache as the words rolled out. She was evidently more deeply absorbed.in the mustache than the sto ry. He continued : ‘She arrived at the mouth of the river Lena about three mouths ago. The Jeanette was crushed—’ ‘What!’ quickly asked the girl start ing up- ‘Jeanette was crushed by—’ ‘Oh, but wasn’t that just too lovely ! Only think, to be completely crushed !’ ‘What are you talking about, dear est ?’ asked the young man in surprise. * ‘1 was saying how grand it was to be crushod. Did you say it was Lena or Jeanette that was crushed ?’ ‘Jeanette, of course.’ ‘Oh, how I wish I had been in the Jeanette’s place,’ Then the press of business necessi tated turning down the gas, and the meeting closed in harmony. A Sign Which Conquered. A Wayne county farmer who is much annoyed by tramps came to Detroit a while ago and had half a dozen signs of “Small pox—Bewere!” painted to post up on his house and grounds. Although he had one ou either side of his gate, (hey had not been up two hours when a roT,er passed between them and knock ed on fhe doer and asked for food, “Didn’t ^.ou see those signs on the gate ?”demani*d the farmer. “Yes’r, but fcan’t read.” The next one saiff^e ws* oearsjglited and thought th-8 sigusKd'ad/ffor sale.” The third had had snj^pox and was willing to nurse th^^mjly. The fourth had been vaccinated and was reckless. The fittffi had a remedy to sell, and after getting away with a cold oite. turueu to his benefactor and said : “If you want to beat the toys knock down them signs and pul up one read ing : “Help wanted.” It never fails to" keep ’em jogging straight a ong.” The farmer followed the advice, and he hasn’t had a call siiaee.—[Detroit tree Press. A stranger from the East was hav ing his boots blacked at the postoffice when an alarm of fire was turned out. As be saw the steamer rush out he in quired of the ‘shiner’ at his feet: •Bub. what of water system have you got in thi.-city?’ The boy spit on his brnsh, looked up and down the street, and finally answer ed : ‘Well, as far as I know anything about it, they all take water after their gin !’ The reply seemed to be thoroughly satisfactory to the stranger-—Detroit Free Press. “The incongruities of nature are well illustrated when a man. whose life from the cradle has been one stupendous error, points oat a small mistake in a newspaper and then asks the editor why lie can't jjet things straight iu his paprr?” Youngstown, Ohio, is going to have a powder mill with a daily capacity of 200 kegs. There is nothmg like blowing np the advantages of a town. WIT A.XU HCMOB (he roan wto ia cornered is very opt to get on bis ear and stalk off. Adam missed one of the luxuries of life He couldn't laugh in his sleeve. If one dog can be put oh a scent, bow .many can be put on a trade dollar ? A- sour old bachelor proposes to build a house for himself which is not ta have any Eves. . A man eats cloves between acts So that not a breath of suspicion may be cast on his temperance character. Always look on the bright side; a. mighty ugly hired girl can ring the bell for a mighty good dinner. It may be said of the “belle of tbe ball" that when she bo r s asseDt to an invita tion to the dance, “she stoops to concur.” Bartenders are the most sociable sot oft earth. They break the ice oftener and finer than anybody. ‘I occasionally drop into poetry,’ as the man said when he fell into the editors waste basket. , The editor who called Chicago a Chris tian country ought to be better posted ia religious Geography. “An honest man’s the noblest work of God.” Nothing is said about woman, be cause'she isn’t such an astounding variety.. A lecturer is telling, “How we Hear.,'- It is told. Somebody tells a friend of ours and tells him not to tell; that’s the way we bear. . ._ A person once sent a note to a waggish friend, requesting the loan of bis noose pa per, and received in return his friend’s mar riage certificate. “What makes men fat?” ask3 a corres pondent. Don’t know, but about a quart, of whiskey will make a man lean—all around a lamp post. A brooklyn woman went into a store and stole a piece of calico to get money to buy morphine, and her respectable husband is vastly mortified. Don’t throw away your old flour barrels. They are useful. It lias been found that an ordinary flour barrel will hold 678,900 S'lver dollars. Wherein is tbe average church congre gation better than tbe highwayman ? Does it not make the poor preacher stand aud deliver every Sunday ? , Daring the ninth waltz, Oscar pointed, to his boots and remark°d to Feliciana: "You can t say I have no polish.’ ‘No,’, said she, but you shine at the wrong end.| An Illinois girl found that she must either give up her lover or her gum, and, after one day speut in reflection, she press ed his hand good-bye and said she would always be a sister to him. , A subscriber wrote to an editor: “I, do not want your paper any longer.” The. editor replied : “I wouldn’t make it any longer if you did; its present leDgth suits me very well.” “The muses kiss with lips of flame,” says a recent poet of the new order. Then, we are thankful we are not courting any i of the ntnses just now. We don’t wish to have our mustache burned off. “You just ought to 3ee how I was paying^ attention to Miss Flapjack out at the pic nic.” "Did you speak to her?” “Ono? 1 didn’t proceed to that extreme, but I patted her poodle dog on the back when she wasn't looking.” “Dear, dear!” exclaithed Mrs. Brown. “I have just been over to see Clara. Poor, child I she is dying of ennui.” “Why, how yon talk!” cried Mrs. Homespun; then? adding, as she moved away from tor: “Mercy 1 ’tainrketcin 1 if^i’i Monkeys die of cbnsuBip^on The worst of it is th^ no t know enough to hasten enffr deaths by taking a hutfdred ^ MTfferent kinds of patent medicine war ranted to cure any disease and kill an^ patient. And new the organ grinder comes, Dread liarbinger of spring, With bis organ slung across his bask And a monkey on a string. And while he grinds his music out That makes the strongest quail, His monkey passes round the hat And—thereby hangs a tail. A father wishing to dissuade hie daugh ter from all thoughts of matrimony quoted the words; ‘she wbo'marries does well, but she who marries not does better.’ Tbe daughter meekly replied, ‘Father I am content to do well; let those do better who can.’ Conclusive evidence; The old lady came down to her breakfast in a bad hu mor and sharply addressing her son, said J “Charley, did you leave that whisky bot tle on the parlor table?” “No, I guess dad left ft.” “Why do you guess your father left it.” “Cause it’s empty.” ‘I just went ont to see a friend for a' moment,’ remarked Jones to hts wife, as he returned to bis seat in the theater. •Indeed,’ replied Mrs. J., with a sarcastic surprise, 'I supposed from the odor of yonr breath, that you bad been out to see your worst enemy.’ Jones wineed. The wind was damp with coming wet, When James aud bine-eyed Lizzie met He held a gingham o’er bis head, And to the maiden thus he said: “Oh, lovely girl, my heart’s afire." . The maid in accents sweet replied; “Jim hold the umbrella more my side ; My bran-new bonnet's getting wet— I’ll marry yer, yer needn’t fret." “Now, roy boy, take those eggs to the store, and if you can't get a quarter af dozen, bring them back.” Tbe boy went, as directed, and came back, saying { “Father, it takes me to make a trade,’ They all tried to get ’em for 49 cents, be#* I screwed ’em down to 25.” -xl