Thomasville times-enterprise and South Georgia progress. (Thomasville, Ga.) 1904-1905, October 28, 1904, Image 8

Below is the OCR text representation for this newspapers page. It is also available as plain text as well as XML.

    AJKE HAMMOND,
L- THE MISER.
1 J By Prof. Win, Henry Peck,
A 9 Author of tho “TS. Stone-Cutlcf
1 I of Lisbon,” Etc.
Cowrrtatfc lift
fey Boim Somites'* Sow.
(AO rights reserved.)
.CHAPTER H.
f ■ Continued.
Luke Hammond's pale tight hand
•lid Into hla bosom, and there teat
' surdeitroa In tent lb hla eye when Kate
Iprang between. '
, ‘'Sauiet, bo violence! Mr. Hammond
—1 cau you uncle no more—la It pos-
db.- that your hand la now grasping
a ociicealed weapon?*
i Hammond seemed to wither In the
' worn ul fire *t Kate's rebuking glance,
ind bis hind fell to bla side at If sad-
jonl/ Mkvaj/fced. ,
• '3**^’ nm ** Greene lean this tenter’
ion he. hoarsely.
. r ’‘First let me ten yon," said James,
‘that I was acquainted with this lady
many v months before I repaired your
leak. " Oars la no audden lore, but the
growth, tif time. I knew her father,
and he befriended me much. I have
'not/itolen Into this house to win Miss
qftln’s lore. She-has honored me In
Vising me her love without solicitation
an my part, and f have returned that
love honorably and trou'my soul. I
loved her and she loved me long before
cither of us recognised a mutual affec
tion. You have Insinuated that I have
sought her band for the fortune It
may held. Yqu do not know me, My.
Hammond.. ‘Were (he as poor as she
Is rich — and tor her sake, thank heaven
. she ls/iot-I would love her as much
ns IMo now. I do not acknowledge
yojjfr right to ltdhd between us, fer she
la in her eighteenth year, and baa Wis
dom to guide her In the choice of a
husband. I do not ask you to consent
to our marriage; your opposition Is a
mere shadow to me and to her. 'I leave
you, bnt tell you I Intend to make
Miss Catherine Elgin my wife so soon
•a sbahhall name the day."
“And that will be when yon may ap
point, James,” said Kate, boldly.
, “Not ad fast, young lady,” said Ham
mond. "By the conditions of your
father's will you cannot marry without
my consent and keep possession of the
“Then I will marry without either,”
. replied the high-spirited girl. “It will
be a relief to me to escape from your
presence, and from those dismal night-
no^i,.’>e«r-
i''•That reminds me,” said James, “to
tell Mr. Hammond that he has played
, anything but an honorablo part In' fill
ing Miss Elgin's mind with a ridiculous
belief In ghosts and haunted houses.”
. “Do you, James Greene, leave thle
house this Instant, or I will summon
those who shall soon-throw you Into
the street," said Hammond, savagely.
. ''There la not power enough In this
house to force me out,” said James,
"and should yon summon the police I
would take refuge In the eastern Wing
lot the bouse—the haunted part, Mr.
Hammond."
; Luke Hammond started slightly, but
made no remark, while James slowly
moved Into the hall with Kate.
"Good night, >my love,” said James,
exchanging a kiss at the vestibule.
“Since your uncle carries so high a
head I will fathom his Mystery, though
I violate one of the rules of my life,
.which reads, 'Let every man mind bis
own business.' Btin, I cannot presume
to ask you to wed me, and so cause
- you to lose your fortune; I have never
heard of the will pf which he speaks.
All think your father made no win."
i ''Luke Hammond—do not call him
my uncle,”-replied Kate-"says he dis
covered the will a few days ago, and
tho he Is preparing to hava It proved
in i urt”
' jU know, dear Kate, I am depend
ent -non my Industry for my support,"
said -ernes, “and It will be very wrong
In m.- lo Induce you to wed poverty.’’
. “Health, honesty and Industry are
not pevorty, dear James," said Kate,
hrcssli,; his hand. “You have them, so
navo I. 1 am ready to be yours, rich
or poor."
i '“You me nn angel, Katy,” exclaimed
James, ;. . he gated Into her bright
brown eyes. “I have beard so much
of Luke Tlnmmond’a sharp dealings,
both as a -oker and a lawyer, for he
has been i i attorney—that I begin to
suspect th . he Is deceiving you about
the will. in at any rate we are de
termined t-» marry, rich or poor, and
so here Is a kiss for good-night It
you walk rat to-morrow evening at
seven I w.il meet you, and we will
appoint a place and time for our. wed
ding.”
- The lovera parted, and Kate returned
- to taco her enraged uncle, while James
Greene hcrrled to his home. .
He lived alone, for so far as he knew
he had no kindred. When Kate re
entered the parlor she found Luke
Hammc: d pacing to and fro, and mut
tering torses upon James Greene.
Kate hs : no desire to quarrel, and as
she fc:ucd Hammond’s violent tem
per, she turned to go to her room,
when be cried out:
“Stay. Catherine Elgin! I have
wmuthlag to say to yon.”
"Speak as a gentleman should, and
use a gentler tone, Mr. hamraond, if
you desire me to listen to you,” said
Cate.
“Hal your champion’s love has pade
yea hold. Miss Elgin.” sneered Ham
mond. folding hla anna, and guing on
bar with a stare iNant to.
But Kate had resglved to throw off,
for once and ell, the yoke of tyranny
which, tilt now, she had made as light
as possible by humility and pardonable
evasion.
She drew herself erect, and returned
the stare with unflinching pride.
“Have you any more compliments to
lavish upon me, Mr. Hammond?'' the
asked. ,
“Miss Elgin,” said be, lowering anil
softening hie. tone, “yon forget that
you *r# addressing yonr mother's
Brother.”
“And yon do not care til remember
that you are speaking to your slster'a
daughter, Mr. Hammond,’’ aald- the,
still firmly.
“This change In one formerly so
gentle, Miss Elgin," remarked. Ham- head winds, no doubf.”
mond, “astonishes me.” ‘ *“ " “
“I wag gentle, Mr, Hammond, until
your barah treatment turned_..geutlc-
ness to defiance.”
friend—oye, the beat friend you havs
on earth.”
"May heaven defend me from rock
friends," enld Kate, bitterly, eg she
retired.
“Tble rebellion Is sudden and danger-
ons. It mnst be crashed at oncer
muttered Hammond, as be tnrnoO
down the gae and haetened to hie'
library,
/ CHaWeS III.
, Luka HAMKbhD'd Libbabt. *
Lake Hammond entered his library
and seated himself at,bis desk. Bnt
this time he did not read; he thought,
and as he did so the bard lines on bis
face seemed to grow deeper and darker,
and bla heavy brows met In a frown
that halt bid bla deep-set gray eyes.
“Here, then, la a new obstacle In my
path," he muttered. “A most formid
able one, for there Is no donbt Cathar
ine Elgin loves this James Oreerie pro
foundly. Of all men in the world,
why hill bhahbfe eeiiteeejl per «*«e-
tlohs upon Jinhes Greene? It my eon
were here now I should feci easier in
mind. Wl^y does he not come?"
Hammond tossed over a pile of news
papers near him, and selecting one,
rend and re-read the shipping Intelli
gence. N
* ‘Bark Gleaner,' he read, 'to eall on
the Utb.' She Is due two days, and
Charles wrote that he would come In
Can she have foundered? No—
"My harsh treatment, Mlsa Elgin!"
“My words, Mr. HnMmond, are not
to strong aS my thoughts. I repeat,
yonr harsh treatment During my fa
ther’s life I was allowed every liberty
consistent with correct beliavlor. Since
my father’s death you have made .me
nlmoat a prisoner In the house I have
evtry reason to believe mine. You
have discharged all of the servants
formerly employed by my father—”
. “The Involved state In which your
honored father left hie affaire, Miss
Elgin, does not allow me to retain those
servants,” said Hammond.
, “Then why discharge them and liiro
creatures of yopr own?” demanded 1 Hammond found one of the boards dls-
, A groan/ deep and dismal, growing
stronger ere it ended, rose upon hla
ear. He let fall the paper and stood
“This Is a puzzle to me,” said he.
"Ever since that Impudent carpenter
repaired thle desk those groans have
reached my car more distinctly here
than In any other part of the house.
Stay! he bad some trouble In replacing
the desk. I remember I told blm be
wonld break down the partition. Let
me examine.”
He heaved at the heavy desk, until
It was far enongh from the wall to
allow him to pass behind It The wall
was merely a thin partition of boards
colored and papered, and dividing the
little library from a hath that traversed
the third story of the eastern wing.
Kate.
“Creature*.of my own! Upon my
word, Mlsa Elgin, yon Intimate, that I
am a villain panning some Illicit
coune,” said Hammond. >
“Take It as yon please, Mr. Ham
mond," said Kate. “The housekeeper
of my father you dlacbargcd to make
room for Mn. Barker. The three other
servants you hired to fill place* you
made vacant. You have forbidden mil
to leavo-the bouse unattended by somo
one of those servants. You have com
manded me to retire from the society
In which I moved when my father was
alive., You lay you do tbia to wean me
from luxury that I may become accus
tomed to the poverty which, you say,
you fear will fall upon me when my
father's attain ahall have been thor
oughly adjusted. Mr. Hammond, I do
not believe It. Those whom I 'meet
when I do go from this bouse speak of
me and to me as if I were a rich
heiress."
"They are all deceived,” enld Ham
mond, quickly. “I assure yon, Miss
Elgin, you will live to see this house-
sold over your bead to poy the debts
placed.
"TUI« must'be repaired to-morrow. I
will do It myself. I have had more
than enough of carpenters. Thle dam
age has let In grqans enough to alarm
Catharine, and but for James Greene
she wonld bare forgotten those she
heard lir the room she formerly aqpu-
pled."
A. little bell, right over bla desk, now
nng violently. \ ,
“Hoi” said Hammond, looking up.
"Mn. Harker desires my pretence Im
mediately.”
Aa be epoke the front door bell was
heard to clatter below.
“Ah!” said Hammond. “A vlsltor.at
this time of night—nearly ten o'clock!
Can that wretch of a carpenter bayo
returned, to - fulfil bla half-uttered
threat of leading the police Into tho
eastern wing? Impossible. He could
not dream of what Is there.”
The little bell over the desk again
tinkled Its summons.
"You are Impatient, Mn. Harker,”
said Hammond, at be glanced at the
bell; bnt I must learn who la below
lint. It would be very raab to leavt
b *j! ln 2’ , . an enemy In my rear.”
™dmjfatitr,lis knowing of these He t0 „ 1IwiklIlg
debts?'’asked Kate.
“He did. The knowledge embittered
bla last momenta terribly," laid Ham
mond.
“Did my father know that the settle
ment of bla debts, Mr. Hammond
would leave me, bla only child, ponul
leas?”
“Upon my word of honor, Mlsa El
gin, he did.”
“Then please Inform me, Mr. Ham
mond,” aald Ka(0, with a glance that
pierced him to the marrow, “why he
left that will of which you told me.”
Luke Hammond saw that he was
caught In hla own trap. A detected
Mar la the moat miserable wretch Ini-
aginable; and If Hammond's features
bad been cast Iron Inetead of flesh and
blood. It teemed to blm that bis faco
wonld bare confessed tbe lie.
Kate'a bright and searching eye was
riddling blm with unspoken contempt,
and be felt thn't the longer she gazed
tbe more be withered.
“I do not know—that la—there were
certain—" he began. Bnt hla tonguc
scemed to curl upon Itself, and to cling
to. tbe roof of hla month.
Enough, Mr. Hammond,” aald Kate,
scornfully. “Do not mire younelf any
deeper la what I now know to be a
miserable lie,"
'Ha! a Mel You dare to say-tbat to
me?” blustered Hammond, bappy to
have a dunce to go Into a rage, and
pushing back bl* stiff, abort gray hair
until he looked like a fury. “You
dare say that, to me?”
dare,” said bold Kate, flashing
back bla fierceness.
You shall rue this, Catherine El
gin! By my blood, yon shall rue it,
miss!" said be, stamping hla foot
heavily, and dashing his * clenched
bands upon tbe uwrble table near him.
I have been your friend and your
rather’* Mend. You are forcing mo
to bate you, and let me tell you. Cath
arine Elgin, that when I bate I bate
with all tbe gall of bitterness. You
dispute my authority In tbls bouse. 1
tell you I nm tbe master of tbls bouse.
Perhaps you will tremble when I tell
you, Catharine Elgin, that It la now In
ray power, tbls Instant, to turn you In
to the street, houseless, homeless, pen
niless!”
No, I do not tremble, air." said
Kate, calmly, though her face waa very
pale.
'Go to your apartment. Mlsa Elgin,''
said Hammond. “Seek counsel with
yonr pUlow, and yonr better sense will
teach you that Luke Hammond Cj your
tube aud said:
“Walt. I will be with you In a mo
ment. Some one Is at the front dooit
What news?"
Listening Intently, he heard for an
answer:
“I can hardly bold him. Ho strag
gles to rise.”
"Blud him! I will he with you soon,”
said Hammond, speaking in the tub*
mouth.
■'Struggle* to rise,” he muttered.
"Tbls regaining of strength Is sur
prising. He was as weak aa a child
this morning."
A tapping at tho door of the library
drew hla attention thither.
"Come In,” said he, loudly. "What
now?” he continued, as a atont, Ill-
favored man, blear-eyed and cruel-
fated, entered. "What now, Daniel?”
“A gentleman below, air—in the hall.
Wanta to sec you,” said Daniel.
“Do you know lilra? Have you ever
seen him before?" demanded Ham
mond.
"No, sir," repfleC Daniel. "He Is a
tall, slender gentleman, cloaked to the
eyes—wears u slouch bat low down
over his face—eyes like coals of fire."
Tbe little bell over the desk tinkled
as If to shake out Its tongue.
Hammond sprang to the speaking-
tube.
"What now, Nancy?"
Tbe answer came up like a roar:
"I must have help Instantly!”
"Expect It!” replied Hammoud. Then
turning to Daniel be said:
“Show the stranger hither, and then
hurry to tha crimson chamber.”
"The crimson, sir? He was In the
white and gold this morning,” aald
DanlcL
“Ho nas been removed,” said Ham
mond. -“Horry to tbe crimson cliam-
her and aid Mrs. Marker. Use no more
violence than Is necessary. Daniel.’’
"I’M be as gentle as a lamb, s'lr," said
Daniel. “Must I show up the gentle
man in the ball?’'
“Of course—hasten!’’ said Hammond;
and Daniel left the room.
“Now who can this stranger be?”
muttered Hammond. “Hts dcscrlp
tiou, as Daniel gave it. does not tnU>
with tbe appearance of my son. I am
nervous—I tremble—a sure sign that I
am either to meet an enemy or some
one who may become so."
He stepped to a closet and filling a
wine-glass with raw brandy, swallowed
the contents. ,
To be continued. * .
an ARCADIA IS THIS ISLET.
No Laws, No Money and No
Crime in Tristan Da Cunha.
S 3 >Ier.<M<t Reaord For Morality by tbo Less Than JOO
Inhabitants of tale la Soatb Atlantic Ocean.
' Vi- -* ' —
' ivwsaJb-
OLK who hold that mousy
la tbe not of all evM may
find support tot that belief
In tbe Ialo at Tristan
da Cunba. For, though
seventy-seven white, folk
inhabit this fly speck of an Island in
tbe South Atlantic, tbere la no money
In circulation among them, and, sig
nificantly enough, there also It no
wrongdoing bf any description.
Wrote a recent visitor td the Island:
“Money would be useless, for there is
nothing to bny." And be continued:
“Living In honesty, sobriety and har
mony, free apparently from all crime,
vice, dissension or doable dealing, tbe
Inhabitants of Tristan da Cunba seem
unconsciously to have carried out tbe
purpose entertained by tbe -original
settler of 1811, Jonathan Lambert, by
keeping themselves ’beyond tbe reacb
of chicanery and ordinary misfortune.’
“They have no written laws. All be
ing law-abiding, they need none, each
doing wbitt Seemoth right in Ms Own
eyes. They have no jail. Crimd
among them being unknown, such an
Institution would be a superfluity.
They have no form of government and
pay no taxes. They enjoy perfect
Independence and freedom which
never degenerates Into license.' Tbo
cobiuranlty la abaolntely moral."
CONTENT WITn THEIB LOT.
Tbe outsider who recently visited
this later-day Arcedia did so for the
purpose of finding out whether Its In
habitants really wanted to leave It.
Tristan da Cunba belongs to England,
and, In January, <003, a British man-
of-war called at tbe island and after
ward reported that most of tbe people
were weary of their life of Isolation
and wanted to get away from tbe
place.
8o the government of Cope Colony
sent a representative to offer the isl
anders free transportation to that
country If they wished It, as well aa
the means of,making a new start In
life. But when the agent explained to
the folk of Tristan da Cuuha how dif
ferent tho outside world was from
their Island home the little community
of seventy-seven decided to let well
enough alone.
And the visiting official thinks they
acted wisely, for be says that “haring
lost tho Instincts of suspicion and clr-
.cumspeetlon, they would fare Ml If set
adrift In any civilised community
where each man plays a lone band In
the game of life and cares little who
loses, so long as he himself wins."
Just as tbere are no newspapen In
Tristan da Cunha, no postofflee, no
churches and no schools, there also are
no shops. The only time, in fact when
the Inhabitants think of anything like
bargaining Is when they trade with
ships passing tho island. Even then,
however, there Is no competition
among them.
AM provisions or produce of any kind,
supplied to ships are regarded as tbe
common property of tbe community
and the procceda of their sale In cloth
ing or storea arc distributed equally
among the several households, the
blowlug of a horn aummonlng a repre
sentative of each family to the divi
sion. To rnnko the system work out
fairly each family take* lta turn In
supplying what n ship needs.
Tristan da Cunha was discovered In
1SG0 by the Portuguese navigator
whose name it bears. Great Britain
took possession of It somo 800 years
later and while Napoleon wn» Impris
oned on St. Helena, 1300 miles distant,
placed n detachment of British soldiers
there aa n aort of outpost garrison.
On the death of Napoleon In 1821 the
soldiers were withdrawn, but a certain
Corporal Olass, with bis wife and fam
ily, and a few other men, were allowed
to remain.
In 1833 the population numbered
forty souls and in 1S32 bad risen to
eighty-five.
In the course of the next two decades
twenty-five left the Island for the
United States and forty-five migrated
to the cape, reducing the number of
those remaining on the Island to
thirty-six. An enumeration mnde in
1SS0 showed 100 living there, and these
figures have remained the hlgb-water
mark of population. Tbere havo been
two violent deaths, but they were
ruses of suicide, due to mental de
rangement.
MORAL TONE HIGH.
What makes the high moral record
of tbe little community so remarkable
Is tbo fact that the original stock was
by no means “picked." as Is tbe case
with many more ambitious attempts
to establish ideal colonies which have
Klgually failed. The male progenitors
just plain, ordinary, rough and
reaily men, the nationalities represent
ed among them being Scotch, Irish,
English and Dutch. They married
colored women, one being of African
binh'nnd three other* Asiatics.
In 1SS3 a great disaster befell the
Islanders. Fifteen men, comprising
nearly the whole adult male popula
tion, were lost In a boat that left the
Island to board a passing vessel, mak
ing of Tristan, as one of tbe survivors
expressed It, "an island of widows and
children." But tbe women and tbe
boys and girls had been trained In the
rugged school of self-help, and Instead
3f abandoning themselves to weeping
and moping they set to work to make
tho best of the Situation, and, with
the aid of some supplies front the Rak
ish Government stuck It ont, strag
gling against many difficulties and tri
umphing over a disaster that vMttl*
have wrecked a colony of carefully se
lected idealist*.
Nature has beta at no pains to pre
pare an earthly paradllf on this lonely
lale. Ita remoteness from tn# world
of strife and nnreat to jvhat has cdfl-
trlbuted moat to the establishes :1 1 o:
an Arcadia tbere. The Island It S
vaat volcanic cone, almost 800® feel
in height which was burled op oul
of tbe sea aeons tfgd. Tbe base Is e
rough circle, the drcomftfeaee of
which, aomething over twenty miles 1*
extent, ie defined by steep cliffa from
1000 to 2000 feet tlgb.
On tbe nortftwest a plateau tome five
miles long and about < Bp Ik broad In
tervenes between these cliff# and sea,
and thle also drops abruptly abodt 100
feet to the actual tea beacb. It i* on
thia low-tying stretch of ground that
tbe little community dwells and culti
vates what crops they can obtain,
mostly potatoes. ,
b A copious stream of fresh watei
bursts out at tbe foot at the lofty cliffs,
running across tbe northern end Of tbe
plateau and falling over tbe lower
cliffs Into the tea, making a pictur
esque cascade and refreshing tight fot
mariners whose water calks need re
plenishing.
Near the rivulet the fifteen or six
teen dwellings of the settlement are
grouped. Some years ago a part of the
spring was diverted nesr Its source by
cutting a farrow, to that a tributary
stream now pastes by tbe door of
nearly every one of the bouaea, to re
unite jntt above tbe cateade.
The houses are built «f soft atone
obtained from the high slopes of the
mountalri dressed to fit so exactly
that the scanty mortar naed’ls scarcely
needed. They are all built on substan
tially the same plan, about thirty feet
long and ten broad and only one story
in height. One-half of eacb bouse la
devoted to tbe sitting room, with a
largo fireplace and chimney In tbe
gable, the remaining being divided Into
two or niore'smailer rooms with com
municating passages.
' The wood asad In the partitions has
been obtained from ships that bavo
called at tbe Island or been cast ashore
there. A relic of nne of these ship
wreck! la teen in tbe Inacrlptlon
“Mable Gltrk,” which appears on a
piece of timber used in constructing
one of the bedrooms. For rescuing the
crew of this vessel In 1878 tbe Island
ers were handsomely rewarded by the
United 1 8tatea Government.
They-have troubles of their own, like
other peoples. Tbe worst of them
came from the outside world. Over
twoscore years ago a aphooner waa
wrecked on the Island and a lot of rata
escaped from her to the (bore, multi
plying to fast that tbey toon overran
tbe Island; rendering tbe cultivation
of grain Impossible and sweeping bar*
tbe hillsides where grew tbe tnaaoek
grain with which tbey need to thatch
tbelr cottages.
Now each householder has to raise
what he needs of It to a walled-tn In-
cloture from which the rats can be
kept at bay. The rats are tho enraa
of tho Island. Tbe Triatanltea will
erect a monument to the memory of
anybody who will rid them of tbe pest.
For many reasons it wonld seem to
be eminently- desirable tbat tbe exist
ence of tbls island Arcadia abonld be
perpetuated. Aa an object lesson In
tbe aolntlou oS somo of tha mdst
vexed problems of sociology tho little
community may some day be deemed
wortbytof the study of our learned pro
fessors who have evolved 'various
theories ms to how the greatest happi
ness may be attained by tbe greatest
number.—Loa Angeles Times.
mn Stanley Worked la a Collar.
He sometimes, but not often, spoke
to me of his life as a boy I remem
ber, 111 1800, when we were staying
in Cincinnati together, bis nsklug me
one afternoon to go for a walk with
blm. Me took me through obscure
back streets and down dirty aMeys un
til we reached a wharf ou tbe banka
of tbe Ohio River. He stopped at tbo
Iwttom of n street, which ran steeply
down to tbe river, and pointed out a
lad jwho waa rolling a large cask of
tallow from a cellar down to tbe
wharf. He said: “I have brought
you here because I wanted to show
you this place. It was in this street
tbat I (worked as a boy. I waa doing
exactly the sane week as tbat lad,
and. It I mistake not, that Is the same
cellar in which I worked.” — From
“Reminiscences of Sir Henry Stan
ley,'’ tiy A. J. Mounteney-Jephson, In
Scribner’s.
AjntB For rood.
Ants, writes Ernest Thompson Seton,
in Country Life in Amcrles, arc avail
able for food when one la lost in tbe
North Woods. They are usually to be
found dormant in dead and bollow
trees, sometimes in great numbers.
Bears and flickers eat them In quanti
ties, and I bare met men who claim
to have done to, bnt I baye never tried
them myself, and suspect they are un
pleasantly acid. Professor E. B.
Southwlck, however, says: “In my
early days, when chopping wood I
have often eaten the froten black ant*.
The formic acid In thsm made an
agrcoable relish to tbe pork and bwa’d
sandwich tbat formed my lunch.”
ANIMALS. ’"X"
The ThtJnrt of Kalamazoo • 1
™ friend of the plead ssha.
-,X5a ti«ers at random,
-“—m cheetahs m tandem,
las into tosra on a gnu.
—% go LADYLIKE.
•Does your ddfe «W »»J anytntng
the to sorry for?” a™..* «„*
“Noi she’s sorry |f she Atesn t sny
anything."—Cleveland Leader. j
LITERALLY. 1
"What's tbe most recent lntellP
**rrbat of Jones; be has
ered ttom an attack of Insanity- -New
Orleans TlnnwDeroocrat. i
BREEZY. '
Ketchum A. Cummin-”Well, ymfv-
succeeded in raising the Wind, w nay
are you going to do now?”
Orville Ardnp—“I’m going to blow
myaelf."—Chicago Trlbnne. ^
ALL’ HE WANTED.
“I don’t want poverty, an’ I don't
want riches,” says Brotb ' r ,
"All I wante to plenty political cam
paigns an’ canderdates rnnnln’d* year
Kan’!"—Atlanta Constitution. y
HIS SOURCE OF INSPIRATION.
“He writes the most realisUc war
scenes In bla books.”
“Yes, poor fellow! Hlo marriage baa
helped blm tbat much, at any rate! -
New Orleans Tlmea-Democrat M
AN HISTORICAL INCIDENT.
Hannibal bad Just fallen from hla
elephant. . „
•1 nriab I bad my tonriifff^ ar ^ere,
be muttered. "I’m alck of tS«tc trunk
Unea.”—Clereland Plain-Dealer. «*
WHAT THEY MEANT.
She (thinking of the doga)—"Ugly lit
tle things, aren't they?"
He (alluding to tbe children)—'“Ob, I
.wouldn't go as far as that. But per
haps If you dressed them differ
ently—’’—Punch.
NOT EXACTING.
“Did I understand you to say that
yonr husband was anxious to have a
political career?"
"No, be ain't particular about tbe ca
reer. AM be wanta to an office.’’—Chi
cago Record-Herald.
HER CALENDAR.
“How long have you been here?”
asked tbe girl who had just arrived at
the rammer resort.
"Ob. only three rings,” replied the
other girl, holding np her hand.—Chi
cago Record-Herald.
GOOD FOR SORE EYES.
Professor (In medical college)—"Mr.
Skate, which color irritates tbe opHc
nerve lesst?”
Mr. Skate (usually broke)—“Green,
air—et least that of the long variety."-,
Cincinnati Commerclal-Tribnne.
‘ ENNUI.
Tired Tatters—“Dla paper tells cr-
bout a feller wot died from ennui."
Weary Walker—"Wot’a dat?”
Tired Tatters—'“It’s de feelln' wot
tomes to a man when be gits so lazy
dat loalln's hard work.” - Chicago
News.
BEFORE AND AFTER.
“Love,” said the wblskcrless youth,
Venders one oblivious of time’s flight.”
’•Yes,” rejoined the man with the ab
sent hair, "but marriage and the ar
rival of the grocery bill on the first of
each month aoon bring one back to
earth again.”—Chicago News.
PRETENSES.
Batcheller—“I've come to the conclu
sion that marriage to Just a game of
pretense."
Askum—“How do yon mean?”
Batcheller—"Well, half the married
men I meet pretend they’re perfectly
happy and the other half pretend
they’re perfectly miserable.”—Philadel
phia Press. >
HER BIGHTS.
“Onions are good for Indigestion.”
said Mrs. Black.. “Bnt I have never
told my husband.”
“Why don’t you 1st him try them?"
ashed Mrs. Brown.
“Because I’d rather have him have
indigestion, and I think a man's wife
tea some rights In tbe home "-Cinctr-
uati Cemmerctal-Tribunr