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*sr~rgjBOFESio* josiah * Ti( BARD8LKY wrapped the ' Tj last of bla foaill specimen* : to ttawUc paper, put It to to* trunk and *tfxx'lgbtei>ed ■ ' up, with * ntlaOed look on his Scholarly fake, Then he went dov/nataira to pay bla hotel bill, for be ya* about to alart for homo-home 'nearly 1800 miles distant, and from .which he had been absent‘a whole mopth. It was an entirely new think Jo the professor's experience to be so Tar away alone. Hla Write hod always accompanied hltn on hla former trips and taken care of him. for be xvas Very absent-minded and a mere child In . many ways- But she bad been com pelled to remain at home and help pre- pars for their daughter's Wedding. It was for the pnrpoae of attending thla erent that the profeasor was now firing up his researches. - Ha bad postponsd hla departure he long aa possible. There was but on$ through eastern train each day. It lift Portobello at — o'clock In th* After noon. He most get tklfi particular train nn thla partlcnlar dtiy or he could nof reach boma Until utter the wed ding. It wax abont 0 o'clock In the rooming •when the profcaaor paid bla bill «t the hotel, and lie, therefore, had fcoven howra to wait for the train. Itoeenfred to him that he might nae thla time to •good advantage by going to Wlmt- mere. a little town thirty mllea down the road, wl^ere, he had heard, there were evidences of aome Interesting de posits. They told him at the hotel that blaitraln would atop at Whatmere and tjtfl't ho eonld get aboard there Just aa well as at Portobollo. FnrthMttore, Hlie harried he had just ahont time wnough to catch a local train that would land him at Whatmere la nn hour. , The professor, full of enthusiastic anticipations, rushed away, made con- ’ nectlon* all right, and soon found him self upon the platform of the little eta- tlon at Whatmere. “Just to nrold any trouble at the laat moment." b* told to hlmtelf, “I'll boy my ticket now." i Hexing paid over 137.50 far the long prlnMd slip that was to give him pass- ag» home, provided that he compiled With ahont n hundred and twenty- Wen conditions, the professor hurried away to explore, lie had floe luck and by 3 o'clock possessed nil the specimens It would be poaalble for him to carry. Bo he xvent up to the station to get bla lunch and Walt for the train. He had Juat b|l-lrn into a raw ham sandwich when.' be remembered that hla trunk vrv, still at the hotel at Porlobello. u Tha ticket agent suggested that the professor hurry out and catch a ear on the trolley line. They sometimes mad* the run to Portobello In an hour ntid a half, and If he hnd good lack . he might yet be able to get home In time and hare hla trank with him. The professor demanded the money back for bis ticket, and hnd to take nil but 54 of It In nllrcr, mostly change. I Then he rushed away to catch the trolley cnr. Doga ran after him. bark ing; geese squawked and waddled out of bla way, and boy* sbonted after him, but he didn't rare. He caught the ear and anxiously asked the conductor how long It would take to get to Porto- hello. i "We're due at 3.43," was the reply, “and will get there on time If there's no delay." ,• He Inwardly cursed everybody that wanted to get on or off along the way, and once when a man with a load of potatoes got stalled on the track In ffont of the car the professor got ont and rolled the driver horrible names and ottered lo light with him. in ad dition to bla other wild performances the professor wriggled and bobbed around and mumbled to himself and took queer atones ont of hla pockets and fingered them nerx-oualy, so that the other passengers soon began tap ping their brows and shaking their heads at one another. They permitted him to lure one end of the car alt to himself, and the conductor kept his hand upou the Iron rod used for turn ing switches, so as to be ready In rase of an outbreak of violence. When the car was within two miles of Portobello there was a sudden Hit and a flash and then a dead atop. Ev erybody Jumped up to see what was the matter, and the 'motorman, after a hasty examination, announced that a ping had been burned out. To make matters worse, ha had no more plugs with him. The professor Jumped up and down In bis frcnxy and aald thlnps ahont trolley companlea In general and that ona Imphrtlcular that only a mad- man could utter. Gritting hla taeth and shaking his flats at the ear, the motorman, the conductor and the passengers, who stood around In a wondering group, bla month and tha perspiration trick ling down Ms back. The dngt, and sweat mads little streak* bt mud upon hla face, hi* «r« bulged out, and aa he got Into the town people began tunning after him la troops. Borne railed out that he was escaping from n band of lyneberi, others jelled "horse thief," and the professor canid reel hla heart hammering awn? lit his side as If It m«*t k'ufely Jnmp ont or him hMHI he stopped to rest. ' But he kept on running, and stag gered Into the hotel, at last,ha rely nblj to gasp. Tbs dock ufeuvd toe dork's bead showed ii ft was eleven min- trunk! My trank!” the profel- got cried ont.. “Hurry! Trank I TrtUi! Four o’clock!” 'Great heaven*, professor," the hotel clerk a*M, v ‘wbat's the matter? Here Professor Bardsley la dying.” The clerk and tha porter rushed to ward the professor to support him to a chair, but ha struck at them with bis flats and kept on yelling, "Trunk!” "Train!" “Foot o'clock!" They Anally got him' crowded up against the counter, where they triad to reason with him, bat he reviled them and succeeded In kicking the por ter on the eblna and spilling * bottle of Ink all ore* the register. Tbefl tb* clerk suddenly 'thought of tpUetblhg. .''HOre," he cried, rushing back of the counter, and taking a letter from h pigeon hble, “thla la for you.” The professor took It, gazed at It In wonder for a moment, then tor* It open and read: “Dear Papa—I hare made np my mind that I cannot be happy with Charlea after all. Bo I harp broken the engagement, and yon, bf WuriC, needn't bnrry to be St the wedding Affectionately, CLAUDIA.” __ g-Oblcatro Becord-Hettld. Beggars are seldom well dressed; bnt this one, by dint of much perseverance, teemed to bare thrived In hla profess slon. Ills cratch find beggar 1 * sigh hardly distinguished bit ealllhg, be cause lh* Usual hOcbmpanlinent of sad bags Wht Missing. A tattered news- boy, with n lordly stmt, came stroll ing by. He bad Just told ont hit papers and waa taking things easy. He slowed up, assumed a position of reat, and changed hla clgaretta to the corner of bts month with the precise angle of elevation; then he squinted at the beggar. Ha waa hardly mof* than ten or eltven year* old, •/Struck tt tough, ber ye?" sold tho boy to th* beggar, in * charitable aort of way, The beggar did not answer. It was Viieiet* 'to nsk the boy for anything, Vt wonld bo like drawing blood ont of a turnip, “Aw, tafia this and gimme back three cento,’’ nld the newsboy, - suddenly seized with a stroke of benevolence. The beggar was taken by surprise, and as hp held out hla trembling band for tha flva-cent piece hla eye raltercd. “Aw, keep thef change; keep tber whole Jit," the newsboy added with a sigh, "air* It ter the kids at home,” he added; “I know whut It la tor her er fnm'ly meraolf.” He waa only a boy of ten, and be squared hla shoulders aa ha walked thongbtfully down the street.—Atlanta Constitution. OF POLAR MISERY.?- Three Men Who Lived *V Month, on Penguins and ’Little Else. be of service lo future explorers In distress during the surrey of the deso late and stormy Southern lands.—New fdt-k ltlH. . • aH..! !• A Woman's Ilnuplnc__ An Engaged Girl, who went away for tha Summer, Bore the Separation from her Lover Very Well na long as Ills Letters to her wero Fliled with Loneliness and Despair. Thus flie Drat part Of the Summer waa Joyous and Gladsome. Whenever she would get a Letter that waa Particularly Mis erable abe would Put on her Shortest Dreaa. with Open-work Stockings, and with Boisterous Spirits would go out onto the Piazza and Flirt Outrageously with the attenuated old Profeisor, xvho, having lost hla Memory, still con tinued to Visit the Resort. She wonld also go to bed on theso Nights singing a song and with a Happy Smile on her Lips, after having Reread her Lover's Letter. It Hap pened, however, thnt na tho Summer Wore On her Lover's Letters Grew Somewhat Less Despondent nnd gavo Occasional Accounts of Little Pleas ure! that bad Como Ills Way. Where upon the girl' got a Grouch anil. Fall ing to see the old Professor, went for Long Walks alone, and Noticed Every Time her Mother's Hat wo* on Crooked, and Began to Find Fault with her Lover, and tell him that hla Melancholy Letters bad Spoiled ber Summer. Moral-A Woman's Ideal of Happi ness is Only Fully Realized when zbo Ivuows Some Man la Unhappy About Her.—Chlnetnnatl Tlmes-Star. Vet the Osesctsecs Fead. A draper carrying on business at Maidstone received the following cur ious letter by post; "Some years ago a woman took from your counter at a Are salvage aale a pair of child's socks, value about eight and three-fourth pence. She la now seeking reformation, and the act haa hindered her. The enclosed stamps lvalue one shilling) la payment of the same." The theft to which this remarkable confession refers took place twelve yean ago. Tha letter bears no signa ture.—Reynold's Newspaper. Old Horsts. In consequence of Inquiries made In Parliament the British Government will proceed to ascertain- some facta nbout the old and unfit horses exported _ from England to Germany, and ! of It j n marvelous fashion, even though • whether tbelr-fleah U made Into con-' , bc wlntcr „ r , lhcm a , bUlck os AfrI . I'.itnento of various kinds, returned to nnt- this country and sold aa article* *f>| Dr ; Aaderaaon believes that a rail ‘ oo4, * description of their experiences wSl LL who would like to know how three men can exist when cast away on the share* bf ti .tola* land an the verge ot winter; frltll food enough only Toy a few weeks, with no,shelter Wceptibg n tent, no Wtl hnd no other resources save two guns, aome ammnultlon and a tall needle, may have their curiosity satisfied In the detailed nairatlva which Dr. J. Gunner Andgrawn la will ing. H« Will tei) bf the Antarctic win ter of 1903 which he and two comrades spent la a misery of dirt and darkness on the bleak shore of Northern Graham Land, to the south of Booth America. Some deUflla of the story have al ready been made public by Ur. Nor- densklold In bla reoerit address before tbe Royal Geographic Society in Lon The three men kept Ufa In their bodies through tha winter, hut lived In great wretchedness, and so changed wet* they to appearance when day light came tbit their best Mends wonld hdt.bilv* hnowit .theni:,. The^ Wkre . tactnbera bf Dr. Otto Norden- aklold's party on the steamer Antarc tic, bnt be did not know that any men from that vessel were on land, nnd when he met them In tho spring ho did not recognise them as a part of his oxtn expedition until they told their names. No wonder, for they were as black as coal from head to foot, with .long black half hanging down Over their shoulders and black, bushy beards. The skis on' which they were travel ing over the snow were the only thing about them that seemed to Indicate some acquaintance with civilization. They seemed to belong to one of the lower types of men who live almost In a natural state, like tbe brute crcatlmt, The dogs took fright at the forbidding black figures and bolted In every di rection. Late In 1902 the Antarctic was try ing to force her way through the heavy Ice to reach Dr. Nordensklotd’a ramp at Snow Hill, about 130 miles to the southwest. When It became evident that the Teasel eonld not reach hla ramp, Dr. Andcrason, the leader of the chip parly, decided to try to reach the explorers by * lledg* journey over the ken, ice and iand. He took with lilm Fr. Duse and a sailor named Granden nnd a small stock of inppllea and set ont with high hopes ot soon reaching hla friends. Sledging, however, proved to be enor mously dllRcnlt, and by the time the little party reached land their strength nnd resources were nearly exhausted. The twilight was lengthening, the darkness would soon fall and they knew vciy well that If they tried tt) make the butch' ot loo miles tonlh- Wftrd and met with any special difficul ties In the antraveracd land they wero certain to perlab. There was nothing to do except to go Into camp, nnd eke rot tho winter somehow or other. They had abont three weeks' supply cf canned meats, bread and coffee, three sleeping bags, a piece ot tar paulin and a tent, bnt no Implements excepting a few knives nnd cooking utensils and one needle, and nothing to wear except their aummer clothing. Tbe first thing to do was to provide shelter and then to secure all the game poaalble before darkness put an and to hunting. They pnt up their tent nnd piled up atones so aa completely to encircle the tent with a stone wall. Over the whole they spread the piece ot tarpaulin. Their abodo waa thna provided with Arable walla; and when the snow cams they covered their hut deep under snow, excepting at the narrow en trance. They were thna able through out the winter to keep nn average tem perature of only a little below the freezing point Within a few miles there wero plenty tt penguins waiting to be shot, and by tbe time the winter night bid fairly fallen they bad killed and frozen nbout *00 of theao birds. Penguins are not good eating, nnd the nrt of cookery, aa practiced In the Antarctic regions, has sever made their flesh very palatable. But they were the staff of life of the three men thnt winter, eked ont by a mouthful or two ot bread each day, an occasional bite ot preserved meat and the flesh of seals thr.t were killed noxv and then nnd whose chief utility waa to supply oil for fnel. Seal blubber was piled In a large meat tin and set to biasing and smoking, and It was thnt that the sktna, clothing and sealskins worn by the men were tamed densely black. Every one baa heard ot the revulsion of stomach and nerves from which men rafter they they try to eat a quail a day for thirty days. When men falter at such a task, xre can Imagine that nothing but the fenr of death wonld drive them to eat the coarse and greasy penguin every day for sex-en months. The feat was accomplished and It shows what men ran do when necessity drives. But the hardest part ot their lot, after all, was the protracted confine ment during the long, stormy winter. Seal blubber was too scarce to be used excepting when the meals were cooked, nnd so tor days at a time the men curled up In their sleeping hags In the pitchy darkness, with nothing to read if they could have seen to read, and nothing to do but to listen to the liowt- Ing ot the polar storm. It waa harxl fate, bnt they came oat ft host’iTsL tertto ... The Heir Vl.naa Ho*>llal Will tj* a fcltf Id Itsalr. United States Consul Guenther, of Frankfort, wrltca that when the nexr hospital,In Vienna la completed It will total 9 bxffl bf HtWlf. . ,. a ’ • The total area covered la 2,400,000 square feet, and there will be forty ■eparate buildings, of which thirty- two will be clinics or hospitals and the remaining eight will be devoted to offices and residences for tb« staff. All the clinic* will have flat roofs with gardens, so that patients, particularly consumptives, can be In the open nlf tt much as possible. Each patient will have 1030 square feet of space, the largest proportion of space allotted to a patient In any hospital in tho world; * A bdrfeapdndeUt bf th* Frankfurter gcltnhif. tty*, ihal „tj£ tmiHStecost will be from 37,000,000 to *S,0CD,0W. . Tbe hospital will be on the "pavilion” or “cottage" plan. Each pavilion, with Its sick wards, operating and lecture rooms, will form a hospital by Itself, and of these there will ba eighteen. Th* hospital will have 2300 bed*. The magnificent operating fooms will be of a new type. In the clinics for Infec tious disease* tbfi patient will he aep- tinned from the profespor and th* students by a glass partition. A number ot medical atndenta will live In tho hospital for tbe purpose of close stndy nnd observation. The lat est technical achievement will be util ised throughout tbs Institution. Orlgto of “Meals." Since every one Is fond of ii tlchle Jt Is well enough that picnickers should know the origin of th* word. A pains taking newspaper man has dag np nn attempt to trace the word in London Notea and Queries of 1833. Under ft French form tbe word appears In a speech by Robespierre, "C’est lei qu'H dolt tn'accaser, et nan dsns les piques- nlques." An earlier Inatanee occurs In one of Lord Chosterfleld'a letters, dated October, 1748. Anhtbaf writer of the same date trie* to trace the word through France Into Italy. . Starting with the nsramptlon that plqnenlqno In French Implies a party at which each finest provides some partlcnlar dish or perform* aome special duty, he fltids tho Italian expression “Nlcchla” (duty) and "plccola” (a trifling service), and from these he coin* “plccola nlc- ■ chla" (picnic). A French encyclope dia, 1843, has It that the word la com- pouhded bf the simple English “pic” (to choose) and “nick" (lit the nick of time, on the spur ot the moment). In France the term Is also nsed for Indoor picnics. In America the word “picnic” Is confined to out-of-doors affairs, and In the old-time meaning of the word It was a basket dinner given In the woods. The word Is given a broader meaning now, and la freqnently nsed to describo the nnnnal celebrations ot certain organisations.—Memphis Morn ing Newt. ‘ Aa Irish Railway story. The London Dally Telegraph tells a good story of nn Irish railway experi ence In County Donegal. Captain Ken nedy, after n xveek’s successful angling In the streama nnd lakes ot tin Rosses, was proceeding to Derry on the Lough Swllly Railway, when at Crolly Bridge station something went wrong with the engine, which came to a stand still. Captain Kennedy, after survey ing the engine, relumed to hla compart ment, secured hla rod and line, and pro ceeded to utilise the time In fishing on the Crolly River, a flue salmon stream which runs near the station. Within a few minutes the enthusiastic angler had booked a splendid salmon ot flftecu pounds, which kept him en gaged until a signal was made that the engine hnd been repaired. Thereupon tbe angler landed tils flsh, and walked cooly to bis compartment, salmon In one hand and rod In the other, a broad smile lighting up bit countenance. The other passengers could only use strong language In condemnation of tbe meth ods of tho Lough Swllly Hallway. T* Deepen Ship Canal. A Select Committee of the House ot Lords are considering a proposal to deepen tbe Manchester Ship Canal, and to raise the low-water level of the riv ers Weaver and Mersey. Mr. Balfour Brown, K. C., In stating the case fog tbe promoters, said that at present the depth ot the canal waa only twenty-six feet. In recent years tho size of ves sels had enormously Increased, and a greater depth of water waa now abso lutely nrcessary. When the depth of the canal was ,flx«1 at twenty-stx feet there were not hair a dozen vessels hullt which could not got up tbe canal. Now hundreds ot vessels were too large to navigate the canal. Tb* deep ening proposed would enable vessels of 11.300 tons dead weight to navigate th, canal. I HOUSEHOLD HELPS.. ; When making silk or z*tm btonaea line with thin flannel or flalmaletto. i It will prolong tho Ufe of year blonsa ’ nnd make a thin silk wand enough | for winter wear. To clean leather chair* rub over • Ffcfe hk nl!k. and when dean and ■ dry 0Hi *tth beenwax and tXTrpca- ^ tine melted to tho emwlatoney of thin i cretin. For a kitchen floor covering tt la , always beat to boy a good quality of linoleum. Never wash It; but poliaS ! With beeswax and turpentine. When . dtftf dtld greasy wipe over with par- 1 affin and pffifah. with elotha.- 1 To clean yo!f*t firoenrfi a email , square of plpecia r. f*«« d"*!**" . one tb clean th^ir miUWfiflr .bM ! *cr*j>e a little oi* upon the refrdtf i then taka * brash made ot the same ! material,,U. the carpet, wblak and j lightly brush U ffff, Tbl* ralsci the ■ pile and restores thd-hjee*. | Potato peelings. If dried In the e*»n, . are said to be very useful tof nr# kindling. IF sufficiently abundant they 'may be nsed Instead ot wood, Wt in any caae. they will economise tt. A bit of glove powder coata bnt a 'j trifle and by It* constant use the life ( Of gloves will be greatly prolonged. Tie powder helps the glove to slip on easily and prevent*' dragging or jailing of the leather, besides keeping the hands cool and dry In hot weather. fb* little .aoft eotton dish mope make exddltflM dusters. The wax from dripping randies earf be removed from table Ifnea SJf a generous application A alcohol. A little soap flit# with alove blaok- Ing will produce better and more laif log lustre than wlthdflt, Cold rain water and eofp win re mora machine grease. To reffiOva peach stains soak fabric lo spirits of ctffiiitior before wetting. The smart Woman save* time and patience by keeping i Che* horn with the children'* rubber* to Mihe Ihalr donning easy. If itoveplpes are well robbed with lard and Held In several thickness ot flewspapare, they ran be safely stored without feir of real. Atom the size of fl hlehory nut, dia- solve,! In a pint of starch Wflf bright en tho color In mnallns, gingham* flfd calicoes atter washing. Grass stains on linen * should be soaked for a few momenta in kereo- aene then washed In very hot water with a generous anprly of ooap. If non-mat hairpins are used to flslefl them down, curtains can be as nicety dried on a thick grass plot aa In regular ztreteterz. Several thicknesses ot newspaper* laid telweCfl th* bed springs'and mat tress are equal ill wtfffith to another mattress. Laid between the blanket and quilt they equal an «x(ri blanket. Medicine can be easily administered to a cat by mining It wRJi lard and rubblrx It on the forelegs nezr thq should,-* where It can be Ucked but not rolled on. Ail experienced cook states that aou■ milk III which soda haa been thoroughly dtazolved. In the proportion of one-quarter teaspoonful of soda to one cupful milk, can be uzed aa twari milk. If only a little leas baking pow der Is used In the flour than w/ti sweet milk. Tlrxlal* rnichin Catch. The Rev. Isaac W. Johnson vouched for the troth of a unique flab story. As Mr. nnd Mr*. T. A. Eure wire driving from tbel.- home In Gates County. N. C., to the county scat they crossed a stream xrhlch had been swollen hy rains. When about the middle of the brook a jackfisb eighteen Inches long jumped imt of the water iuto the buggy. Sirs. Eure was startled hut did not leap on:. Tbe flsh was teoked for rapper.—Suffolk correspond ence .Washington Post. . Richest Mtxlcan. General Lula Terrazas, "the rich est Mexican," la going to make a tour cl the United States, General Terrazas Is a person who Is said to be worth, en a conservative estimate, 1200,000,000. He haa a heap of gold, real cash, so we are told, amounting to a bo id $180,000,000, ct perhaps a few millions more. He la called the largest Individual land owner in the -wcrld. Ills real estate I* aald to be .about 20,000,000 acres, constating of fifteen huge reaches or hacienda*. The rich Mexican has fifteen farms, each one cf which Is almost as large as the state cf Delaware. He Is the reputed owner ot herd! of cattle sup posed to number about 1,000,000; towns are situated In bis domains; he haa banka and factories; 10.C00 rustlers and fowboys round np hla cattle.—Kansas City Journal In an article pa the British Medical Journal aome time ago Dr. H. Walter advanced tbe theory that atmospheric pressure plays an Important part In determining the occurrence of strokes of apoplexy, states the New York Com mercial. He cited the well knoxrn fare that at certain times there seen* to be abort lived'epidemics ot apo plaxy; that these are coincident with a rise of tho barometer; therefore, ba argues, the Increased air pressure la probably the cause of the excessive number of apoplectic seizures. The death of Prince Bismarck elmply eerves to acquaint the world with the fact that the real Prince Bl» march had a ton. It bodes no good to pocketbooka when women begin to admire fall hate. WORLD'S PAID ST.' UffiR Louisville and Nashville Railroad. Mfoaaaegotagioth* World’s Fait ysa waat tha hast leeto. The LSI. k the •heitaat, qxdokeet aa* best Itae. Thna Hala* dally- Through Pnllaua Sleeping Care am* Statag Oats. Law late llaksu a*M dally- Oet rates hem your loeel a«eel ■ad aek lor deists via L. * X. flroeovn Au-oms a* MAMMOTH CATS. Allkladaof tafonnattoafamished ooap. j. a. HOLLSKUGX, V .WAR. It for transcend* th* interest Of Russia er Japan. It’s the men who can’t raise whiskers, Agiinst the ana who,ean. t], S ■ finv BY TEN WORDS. jgukg—“Four thousand Jap* we killed tf the explosion of' a Bur ' magaslne they had taken." ■ • Jinks _“W*H. they ought to have known better thqn to try to reala Bus- Man magaslne.” — Cincinnati Ci»nimer> Get-Tribune. J THEN HE LEFT. ' -J -i “Yes,” said Mr. Borem, Tb dla'P- ; pointed In these shoes. It's funny now'- . adays how one's things .wear ont b*' fore one knows It.” "Yea," replied Mis* Weary, with ni yawn, ''especially one's welcome-”—* Philadelphia Ledger. ; j ! V*. V NEXT. Stranger (In Stooeap)—“Are you .Iht* local Judge?" ' Judge Mossy—"I reckon I am!” Stranger—"Well, I am tbe advance- agent for Percy Van Rocks and bis anto. I settle bl* lines la advance so aa to save delay r—Puck. , > MUST BE CLEVER. "I Passerby—'"I thought that yon were blind?” Mendlcant-“W*W, boa*, times Is so hard and competition I* SO great that even a blind man has to ko»P hla eyes open nowadays If be .wants to do any business at all.”—Chicago Journal. ^ ^ ‘•*1^ SURE SIGN. \ N N “Ton say be hae a visionary and Im practical nature?" "Yda.” answered the girl who la em ployed In tho poatofflee. "He Is one Of these people who write ‘Rush’ on am envelope Instead ot putting on a spe cial delivery stamp.”—Washington Star. ' QUICK COMPREHENSION. \ Mr. Borely—“Don’t yon think n great ’ many uninteresting people come to thla: place?" Mrs. Ketchup—"Ob, I’m comparative ly a stranger, you know. Do you come here every year?"-CUIcagu. Daily News. N, ) BRIGHTENING THE PAPER A Bangs—“Wonder what there was ice the papur to-day about Masterson?" Grime*-"Didn’t know there .xvu* any thing." s Bangs—"Oh, there mast have been. He waa saying to tie that to-ckiy': Is sue was unusually Interestin'-."- -"qs- ton Transcript. STINGY. “Why did you quit the Iiieiiicys. Jane?” ‘Tt was the stlnglncaa of ’en. num. I waa a-lookln' ont me kitchen window one day. when the mistress comes in • and aaya that she'd give a petty tar me thoughts — and then) millionaire^ molnd you!”—Detroit Free Trees. - IN SUMMER. TC 7. 'V “Where Is Boxom?” ‘Tie's acting as clerk In a enun :ei hotel.” “How does he like It?" " "Not at all." “Why not?" “Says It'* too hot work.' “Hot work?” "Yea; be haa to aland over the rcgls ter all day.”—Cleveland risht-Dealer. VANITY IlCmoVED. Gentleman (to burglar)—"I *ay. wha-. ire yon doing In ay honae?” Burglar (coolly)—“Your honae! Is It Jour bouse? I thought yan only rented Gentleman (quite taken aback)— “Why, yea, bnt, 'pon my word, cf all—" Burglar—“Well, don't you be to 'igh and mighty, talkin' abont yocr boas-. Indeed. Good night” — London Tib Bits. A LICHT REAtCN. Pay^Ur™ *° b ' m - cK: “Nope.” “Wife away?" "Nop*.” “On yonr vacation?* “Nope.” “Then why so Joyful Y’ 3 “‘ and it s only "‘Vrmr Sr**