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The Misclm-i a Phonograph laye<l in a Burlington Family. R. J. Burdw'.te, the funny man of the Ilawkeye, is responsible for the following: It happened that Mrs. Barstinglow was going down to lveokuk for a few days, and Mr. Barstinglow was inconsolable. At one time he protested that she should not go; he could not endure tiie lonesome house during her ab sence. And t. that if she n.i leel Ills olliee ; So the bow \ with her. A: persuaded hi:, on her repc.i would not it aga'm he declared 'o lie would neg- let his business go So i.e reasonable, and . At assim nee that she iK’.in any longer than three days he consented to let her go. lie even benght her ticket and ordered the carriage and paid for it two days ahead, lest his resolution should give. way ai d lie should forbid her going from him. And Srom shut time till tho morning of her departure -Ur. B ir-ti:ig’o’.v spoke is and moved about a man whose heart under mountains ol ‘1* in subdued ’.villi the ai was burici Bef.ro si Barstinglow the sitting i Then she kissed liusbaml, and beg Mrs. Barstinglow felt herself, turn ing to stone; but the next turn of the crank brought out an uproari- OU9— “Ha, hr, ha! Here’s to the o. g. !” That fanned her cheek into a flame. “ For mercy’s sake, Malachi Bar stinglow.” she shrieked, “ what does this mean ?” Mr. Barstinglow now looked as though he really did wish she had never gone to Keokuk. “It’s just as I tell you,” he said with an effort to look unconcerned and he w :. 1 1 go ! that was like a humorous hook—a I gth however, she : colossal sueeooss, so far as its utter failure was concerned; “somebody has been talking all sorts of nonsense into it just for talk’s sake. IIow else could it get hold of such dreadful stuff in our dear little home, lovey Mrs. Barstinglow didn’t say, but she turned away, and the phonograph asked carelessly— “Throw around for the deal ?’’ She thought she would fiiint, hut. didn’t, and the pitiless machine pro ceeded to remark, with a variety of voices - - “ It’s my ace.’’ “You’ll have to straddle that blind if you come in.” “ Give me two cards.” “ Chip one.” “ I’ll see you little one and raise you a couple.” “ Push the bottle this way, Ben.” •‘Ain’t you going to stay in, Har ry ?” “ Can’t stay in on a pair of sixes.’’ “ Call you.” “ Two small pair, kings to bead.” “Teiis_ and deuces. Take the ] ot." “ Bursty, get us something to eat. the cupboard keys, If SOUTHERN BANNER: AriO-fcixer OcxxliiUj&’bia.l XaS'b'fcsv- * BOX JOBS f-BEBMAN TttJASE- 8. ASOBBS .'S. b Jim Anderson, my jo, Jim, "When first we were acquaint, You had’t kalsomiued yourself With pugilistic punt. But now your jaw is Oiled, Jim, You’re telling whst you know, And I am shaking in my shoes— Jim Anderson, mvjo. Jim Anderson, my jo Jim, We planned the fraud twogither. And promised that we never would • Go back on one anither; We juggled the returns, but James, Jim James, how could you blow And peach on me aud Rutherford— Jhn Anderson, my jo ■ Jim An hr-on. nty j'* J.m. I promised we would pay, But you despised a clerkship at Three dollars every day ; Old Kvarts should have sent yon otf Consul to Callao— But hindsight isn’t toftsdgb! much Jim Anderson, my jo '■ Jim Anderson, me jo, Jim. ’Twas not a fair divide ; You stole the mule for us and then We wouldn’t let vou ride. And Stanley M. is sics, Jim, And IIayes is lyiujfdow. And I’m the deadest sort of duck. Jim Ander-on, my jo! JUNE IS, 1878. BLACKSMITUINGr OUR NEW BRICK SHOP —AT THE— Comer Clayton And Jackson Sts, Fust-Class Horse-Shoeing. A Specialty, by the best Slioer in Georgia. Ghmsmithing. Gun<, Pistols, locks, etc., repaired at short notice uud satisfaction given. STFEL Axes, Mill Pick temper. lioss, etc., of the finest Work warranted- PLANTATION WORK. Plows, Wagons, Carriages, etc., repaired in the best mtuner and at short notice. Sole patantce of Bassett’s plow stock. CTolin IvE- Basss-bt- trnrch20-ly. r. S. LtJCAS, \ DEALER IN COAL COES ANE LI II, Ioft the house. Mrs. ■t the phonograph in m, behind the clock, her disconsolate id him to pre« serve his precious life for her sake while she was away, and then she was gone. Every day, during her three days’ visit in the Gate City, see received a letter from her mourning husband, begging her to come back and tell ing her how lonesome he was without her, aiul how grave like the empty house seemed, and how the hours dragged over his aching heart with ; Old "ir! !• leaden feet. And in three days she j Gi<ln’t she?” .aM. filled the solemn | “ Lord, yes ; told her I was going house ’.'itn sunlight and laughter to keep, back, at home, to save ex- I 1’ s and keep out of bad compa rt turn to i nv.” The evening alter li th 2 pllO- Burlington she took down uograph. “ I wonder,’’she said, “ what we said last|»£ii its hearing ? It must have been something while we were discussing my visit. Or may be it has caught the moanings while I was away.” And then she turned the crank. “ Lord, no,’’ croaked the phono graph, in tones of hearty reasurance ; “ no danger of that; she’s sale in Keokuk for three days; saw her safely off, myself, this morning. Light your cigar while I light another lamp and make the room look cheer ful.’’ “ Why,” exclaimed Mrs. Barstiag low in a countenance of amazement * : whnt on earth is it saying “Oh, some nonsense some of your visitors have talked into it some time or other,” replied her husband nervously “ people talk all kind of stuff into a phonograph, you know. They say anything for talk.” Mrs. Barstinglow, looking only half convinced, gave the crauk an other turn. “ This is devlish good whiskey, Barsty,” ejaculated the machine very earnestly. “You don’t get it in Burlington, do you ?” Mrs. Barstinglow gave a little shriek. “My dear.’’ said her husband, looking now quite as worried as he had looked when ho was begging her not to go to Keokuk, “ put it away ; somebody ha3 had it out in the stable, and it might say some thing perfectly shocking you know. Put it away.” Bat Mrs. Bastinglow, upon whom the spirit of investigation had de scended with great power, ground away, and the phonograph, in a voice marvellously like her husband’s went remorsely on. *• Not much; they don’t make this kind now. It’s some old Mononga- hela, copper distilled, that Mrs. Barstinglow’s mother gave her for medicinal purposes three years ago. Fill up; there’s plenty of it, and I can replace it with any kind of bev erage when it’s gone. The old girl won’t know the difference.” BLACKS H K XC.’XSC Coal a Specialty. Man hoot I andall disorders brought on 6y mdis- cret’on or exces*. Any Druggist has the ingre dients- AUdrcM, I*r, W. JAQUiw-S A CO., 130 \V<‘Nt Sixl 1ft .Street* Cincinnati, O. “ lit ! ha ! ha ! Ho! holjlio!” ‘‘ Oh!” yelled Mr. Rurstinglow, tin able to contain himself /my longer, while his wife, more dead than alive, leaned over the phonograph, and ground away at the crauk, in a dazed kind of way, “ Oh !” keep it up ! That’s right! Keep her agoing! Grind it all out! Dog gone the diabolical piece of black art and the vile assassin that invented it 1 Keep up ! That’s right! Believe a senseless, diabolical piece of mech anism rather than your own husband! Keep her agoing! Keep her agoing! Keep it up!” And Mrs. Barstinglow did keep it up. She kept it up and listened to that phonograph swear and shout and howl; she heard it shriek “ Oh, my eye, my eye!” She heard it tell some one to let some one else “ have it again in the same place!’’ she heard it warn somebody to " hold his head over the stove hearth and not to let his nose bleed on the carpet!” and at last,‘as it assured her very thickly and with some difficulty, that was “ aban* of jolly fuf-fuf-lellows,” fc and that it “ won’ hic-won’-g’ ’ nine till morning,” she ground it into silence, and sank back speechless and breathless, while Mr. Barstinglow took the pho nograph out into the back yard and smashed it into so many and such small fragments that it couldn’t re produce even a steamboat whistle. And now, when people go over to the Barslinglows’ to spend a pleasant evening, and happen to Ra,es,ow ' say— “ What have you done with the phonograph, Mr. Barstinglow?” it affords the visitors entertainment for the rest of the evening to study the different expressions which creep over the faces of Mr. and Mrs. Bar stinglow, while Mr. Barstinglow, as he answers the question, thinks he would give ten thousand dollars if he could find out how the -members of the Paragraphers’ Association tell lies so easily and make them sound so marvellously like the truth. Pope Leo telegraphed his regrets to the German Emperor at the atro cious attempt to assassiuate him. «MSC3*Si»*SSaaSSBHBZaCSMf3rB3J»-M*3Z333i*3®l SMMO^S Liver ilifi. t >‘, Hepatine Comp. Cathartic Pills, j Georgia.. Tutts Pill, Porug.'Plasters. j a<>rira.3ia. Worm Candv ayd Vermifuge, j — Sarsaparilla,—Jliit-hu. j PRESCRIPTION .. FREE! Tutts aud liambletou’s Hair Dye. Auiliue prepared for use. Long’s German Cologne. Long’s Cologne. Lead, Oil, Glass and Varnish. Morphine, Opium, Chemicals. Hair Brushes and Combs. Perfumery, Toilet. Soaps. And everything in the Drug Line, at lowest prices at C. W. LONG & Co.’s Drug Store, Athens, via. septH.lv. Tim’feed m~m stable, ‘ Goc: GY NX & REAVES, l’KOl'KIETORS. Will be found at their ol>l staud, rear Frank lin House building, TkoirMjjyeti. Keep al ways on hand good Yitrjnotn&’kwid ea. eiut dri vers. Stock well cared for when en'-rusted to our care. Stock on band tor sale a* all rimes. deei3tf. ~ SAM HARHI&. Boot said Sh.QQ-Htla.3ser. ATHENS, GEORGIA, (Oveb Jacobs & Michaxl’s Store.) First class work turned out on short notice, at liberal prices. Give me a call and getgoo-* material and fine work. niurcnlS-tr TH [WHITE SEWING MACHINE, f PUIif.ISHKD EVERY TUESDAY MORNING AT GEQEG.IA, Terms, &2.00 a Year, Invariably in Advance. D r Tutt’s iXPECTORANT Is tl»e most genial balsuxn ever used by »iitiercr* from inilmoxtary diseases. It is composed of herbal products, which have u spec} fte ctVccl on Uiethroat and lunxs; dctiuhos from the air cells all irritating matter; causes it to he «*x- pectorated, arid at once checks the in- fianmimioii which produces the enujfh. A Hlnv;lc dose relieves the most distress- Injj I'.uiOtyxin, soothes nervousness, and enables the sufferer to enjoy <julet rest at ih i*. - a pleasant it tone* Ilia weak stomach, and is especially recommended for i hi^dren, IVhat af.br rx nay about Tatt’ti >'rpt‘<‘forant. HadAsih naThirlyYears it B.TIMORE, February 3,1S75. “I have had Asthma^thirty years* and never found a medicine that had snYh a haprv tfleet *• W. F. HOGAN, Charles St. A Child's Idea of Merit. New Orleans, November it, 1876. 44 Tutt's Expectorant is a familiar name in my house. My wife thinks it the best medicine in the ypirld, and the children say it is 'nicer than molasses candv.* ** NOAH WOODWARD, 101 N. Poydrtt St. “Six, and all Croupy.” ••I am the mother of six children ; all or them have been crouny. Without Tutt’s Expectorant, 1 don't think tney could have survived some vt the attacks. It is a mother’s hlessinp.** MARY STEVENS, Frankfort, Ky. A Doctor s Advice. “In my practice, I advise all families to keep Tutt’s Expectorant, in sudd* n emergencies, foi coughs, croup, diphtheria, etc. ’ T. P. ELLIS, M.D., Newark. N. J. Sold by all druggist*. $ / utr Office 33 Murray Strtet, Arte lot oaia to be the liglitest-rnnmn^, the most beantifu^ cheapest, best, ami largest Sewing Machine in the world. Ladies r.iut the i>ublic ore invited to call and see, at the Office, next door to Win. McDowell’s, C llcite Avenue. J. BANCROFT, Agent. feb5-ly. CITY MERCHANTS AND GTHER BUSINESS MEN WHO WANT CASH.—READ. A LL who have tried the experiment have obtained ready money by advertising in the Hartwell Sun. A spicy newspaper, sparkling with'wit and humor, keeps up with the times in everything. It is the pa per for everybody. Printed in the neatest manner. 1 ci rental bouses. They are regular advertisers. Ask them, and be convinced that it pays. Rates low. Terms liberal. Paper free to advertisers. Bokson & McGiu-, Publishers, Hartwell, Go. MARRIED LIFE PR. BUTTS No. 12 N. Eighth St. St. Louis, Nlo. ■Who has had greater experience ra the treatment of tb. sexual troubles of both male and female than any physician in tha West, girea the results of hit long ana sueeattfUl prsetice In Uaferaaaw works. Just publish^, entitled The PHYSIOLOGY OF NIARRIAOE The PRIVATE MEDICAL ADVISER Books that are really G .Mean, PelMntrnrt.r. In all mat- ters partxlnlng to Kxahtad and Womanhood, and supply a want loagfcik nay,are heaalllhlly Ulastrated, and in pltln languagveasSW understood. The two boohs embrace MS pages, usdcootalasalaaMe laferautloa for both married and alnptwIthalHhe recent improvements In medical treatment Head what onr home pipers s»y: “The knowledge imparted tu ■swBatWnewwonulainnowayofmiestionable char acter. but la something that every ana soouM know. Tha TSM-tha victim of early indiscretion; the ■aa.ottienrtse perfectly healthy maybe, nnt with wanlngyicor In the prime of life, and tha Weaua, in ml the many Ola her aez la to.—ot. Lools Journal. POPULAR PRICES —S3 eta. each: both In one volume, ,1; In cloth and gilt, JB eta. extra. Beat under ami, or receipt ofpriea in money or stamps. J OB WORK OF r ’ALL 1 KSCRIP- tion^neatly done at tl»» office THE TREE IS KNOWN By ITS FPUJT.” 41 Tutt’s Pills are worth their w«-iirht in gold.*’ REV. |. R. SIMPSON, Louisville, Ky. “Tutt’s Pills arc a special b’essirg of iho nineteenth renturv.” REV. F. R- OSGOOD, Now York. ^ 44 1 have used Tuti’» Pills for torj«>r of t’.ia liver. They are superior to any medicine lor biliary disorders ever made.’' I. P. CARR, Attorney at Law, Auousta, Ca. 44 1 have used Tutt's Pills live years in my fam. tly. They are unequalcd for rostivero** stvil M!« iousucss.’*—F. RbWILSON. Georgetown,Texa3. 4 ‘I have used 3 utl’s Medicine wi'h irrrat bcaefit.*’-W.W.MANN, EditorMob'doRegister. 44 We sell fifty boxes '1’ntt‘s Pi U to five of til others. M ~SAYRE & CO., Cartersville, Ga. 44 Tutt’s Pills have only to be tried to cr- lablish their merit®. They wmk Uke mnt*ir.” W. H. BARRON, 96 Summer St., Boston. 44 The^s is no medicine so well adapted to the fare ot bilious di-orders as 'l ull’s Pills.” JOS. 8 RUM MEL, Richmond, Virginia. AND A THOUSAND MORE. Sold bj/ druggist*. SS rents a box. Office 35 Murray Sir, et, Hew York, bom Him dyi INDORSED. HIGH TESTIMONY. FROM THE PACIFIC Jora.' .iL. rk.j which restores youthful beauty to lli.- liairJ That eminent chemist has succ<*c.li..i inf producing a Hair Dye whlcti ImltstH nature to perfection, tilrt barhetor- tuavl now rejoice.*’ Price $1.00. Office 35 Murray fTf.,S Hew York. Sold by all druggists. 1 Watchmaker and Jeweler, (Singer Machine Office, College Avonnc) ATHSITS, - GEORGIA. I have opened at the above place, where I w - The “Southern Banner,” established in the year 1816, is, consequently., sixty-two years old. Beginning when sci ence in this country was, comparatively speaking, in its in fancy—when the “art” of printing was carried on by a slow and tedious process^— when “buck skin balls” were used to spread the ink over the rough and unsightly types upon which the paper was printed, with Home News one and Foreign News two months old, the different Proprietors have battled with the changes of time-kept pace with the advancement of science, and the rude types and rough presses have been laid aside and their places are now occupied by*all the beau tiful appliances known to the art.. The Banker is not only the oldest but the largest paper in North-cast Georgia, and its columns are weekly filled with reading matter suited to all classes and conditions, embracing NEWS, POLITICS, * ART, SCIENCE, LITERATURE, POETRY, AGRICULTURE, HORTICULTURE, DOMESTIC AND OTHER RECEIPTS, STORIES, WIT, HUMOR, &C„ &C. NOW IS THE TIME TO SUBSCRIBE. In view of the vital questions which are agitating this a nd foreigfi countries, and the elections that are to take place this fall in Georgia and throughout the United States, a synopsis and discussion of which will be contained in our columns, we are sure that our paper will not only be acceptable but a necessity to every family. Therefore, send in your names and money and keep posted with the progress of the times CORRESPONDENCE. Recognizing the fact that nothing adds more to the popu larity of a paper than an interchange of views between those among whom it circulates, we invite correspondence upon all topics of interest to the. public, and especially the current news and agricultural progress of the section of coun try in the territory of North-east Georgia. TO ADVERTISERS. With a bona fide circulation of 2,000 copies weekly which guarantees not less than 8,000 readers, throughout Georgia and the South, and especially in North-east Georgia, one of the richest sections in the South, we are confident that ad vertisers could find no better medium throuerh which to make 0 !ea"i l ilg oTw , n e ie aK;: 'Icu ami j-wl-Vry? Ail their wants known than the columns of the Southern work tlouc n fir-t u - tyla and ut r a-onab o ! G "' i Banner. Address, H.'H. CARLTON. .1" nt.’i \l.». DESCKll. • ■ • .yttiia-. Editor & Prop’id