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Zhe ®>ro0ve88 Publshed Every Thursday. H 1) SMITH, Editor ami Publisher Ku'.orod at the iWoilluo in Vienna Uu., as second-class mail matter. PERT PARAGRAPHS, You inislit well guess that it would be n cold day when it thief would steal n hot stove. At n whist congress there Is no posi tion of honor for the speaker. Many greut nten cannot spell, but It does not follow that all who cannot spell aro great. In a restaurant where the service Is Slow the patron often thinks thut If things' wore called by their right names ho would be termed tbo waiter. In sending literature to a condemned murderer do not bother about Including n treatise on how to live 100 years. It Is no time to ask n man for a favor when he Is breaking In n new pair of shoes. Weather that kills the winter wheat has no effect on the ragweed. When n man’s work compels him to get up at 4 o'clock In the morning, he Is in no mood to nnnroclato tho sunrise. Adversity applied regularly three times u day Is tho greatest euro In tho world for swelled head. Btrango to suy, the knights of rest do not enjoy life If they buvo to put. in their nights resting. ' It Is a mutter of geography whether a hnllllght or a prize light is consid ered the more brutnl, There Is grim satisfaction to the man who is wearing an Imitation diamond When lie meets n holdup man. Extract of kindness Is n good lotion for strained relations. When a young man frequents a flor ist’s and tho confectioner’s It Is pretty good evldonco thut thcro 1b something doing. A Cure For a Cold. A cold in tho head Is lmrdly a treat— Eyes swollen and red, Nose puffed Uko a beet. To add to your woes, Now hard to endure, Each wiseacre knows A dead certain cure. Just poultice your chest And bandage your head, Or tnke a long\/ rest, - Tucked snuglv in bed; Or maybe, Ih say, It's saf,n try The old 'er.i-.-1 ’ way And till up on rye rn taki’k, %) / It’s certainly strange That some who don't know Enough to make change, Or keep a straight row, Or Idly pound sand, Or ompl.y sacks hold, Con tell you offhaml What's good for a cold. They nay soak your feet Ami take catnip tea; One meal only aat In place of the three, Or tuko a few drops Of dope twice a day; Homo nostrum that stops A cough, the bills say. Oh, dear, and oh, pshaw! Alas and alack 1 There should be a law To lot you get back At all of this crow; It’s no moro than fair To murder a fow; There's plenty to spare. Heroic Treatment. "Bo enroful how you handle money. It Is swarming with microbes." "Let’s take all we can And out and burn It In self protection." Naturally, "Ho Is going to deliver a lecture on prize lighting." "Of course, then, ho will handle the subject with gloves." Not Always Cash, To say that tlmo Is money Will not exactly stick Closo to the truth, because, forsooth, You got It from tho clock on tlok. No Shyness There, "Miss Bessie Is so shy.” “Possibly, but I have noticed that she don't shy at an oyster stew.” It Was Coming to Him, '“Aldormnn .Toblots lias gone back to bis ward for Indorsement.’’ "Then bo has gone to his reward, for they nro on to him.” Take No Chances, You'd think. Just to observe them, Some members of t’ » wee Might fear to strll - In awhile Lest It should cracl: tholr face. Up to Date. ‘Is the general's voice still for wart" “No, but bis typewriter is.” PERT PARAGRAPHS. A wluk Is us good as thirteen type written pages to a drug clerk. There nro men who think that pro hibition Is a mighty good thing so long as It doeB not prohibit. It makes it hard to live In tho same town with a man when two girls are I In love with him at ono time. \ A man never forgets his first love, particularly If he marries her. You can prove It by the tiddler that those who dance sometimes forget to i pay him. I Tho microbe is no respecter of per- I sons. I Winter always m u k o s a hit when it packs its trunk. Some men keep out of debt be cause nooue will, trust them. Tho breast of the goose bone must have taken a course In physical culture last summer. Whnt a Joke the microbes mnst have considered It on the human race dur ing all tho thousands of years In which they were not discovered. How hnppy tho mule would bo If he could kick like some men whose daily conversation It la his misfortune to bo obliged to listen to. Profit without honor does not profit n man In tho long run. Altogether It Is more satisfactory to | have the last word with a woman In i your mind. j Work is one of tho things to which j distance lends several lclndB of en- j ebantment. ' DOUBTFUL IMPROVEMENT, I cannot fully understand Whv charming llltln Cupid. Who Is most always wise ana bland, v jit times ’should !>•' so stupid; That ho should often make a miss When aiming with Ills dart at bliss. If ho. in laying out Ills task. ’ v ' KO Would counsel *^£*“*© AND with the 'Ctfrjhji 9 MR neighbors. ’* He’d get such hints as ho might aBk And lighten thus his la bors. They would with ploasuro put him wise To soveral things that might surprise. Consider, e’er you change the thing, That Cupid’s way of doing Perhaps as good results may bring As any kind of wooing. Ho may not at his trade excel, But could the neighbors do as well? Alas, I fear results would be As thin as hydrant water, For never could the friends agreo Which Bon should wed which daughter. Though little Cupid blunders so, At least he lias results to show. Some Other Faults, "Maud declares she will not marry a ninn who smokes.” "She may change her mind after she has sized up the men who don’t.” A Successful Failure. “So ho was a failure In business.” “No; ho was a glittering success." "But you said lie failed.” “Yes, for a million.” Lasts Forever. When all else as an Issue falls. When every other subjeot pales, The tariff wo may forward bring, Although shopworn, still In the ring. It has this thing to recommend— One does not have a year to spend In hunting facts and figures now. Tho ones our grundslres used will do. Not the Price of One. “I fear Jenkins is leading a double life.” “Hardly. Ho only gets S12.50 » week.” Her One Pet. She did not want a parrot near, . A cat she held In sc 'rn, But she had one pet that was. dear— A very tender corn. Some Mistake, “Hero Is a man 100 years old who 1 never smoked, chewed or drank." “I’ll bet he can’t show the records, of his birth." Mokes a Difference, “Do you think that majorities are- always right?" “Yes, if I happen to bo with 1 lie ma jority.” . You Have Met Him. Though morrlment may bubble o’er. Though laughter he may spill. A man may smile, and smile some more And be a dentist still. Progression. Her name was simply Mary Cline, Until her father struck a mine,. And thjn to fit tho family tree. She had it altered to Marie. Takes No .Chances. i "I never Icicle a man when he is ( down.” "Aro you afraid he might have n brick in his pocket?” They Were Alike, "Simpkins’ word Is as good as his note." "You are right. I would as soon have one as the other.” A Vain Regret. “It must he terrible to die rich.” "Yes, Indeed, your dying hours would' be so embittered thinking of the time you might have had blowing the monr ey.” WINNBR AND LOSER! ■ Our posies, praises and our pelf We lavish on the winner; Select the swellest from the shelf-’ When serving him with dinner,. But for tho man who also ran Wejonly have a bright new can. ' The gentleman who wins success— That Jewel sweet, but fickle— We make a note of his address, His ribs w'e slyly tickle. As to the wight who In the fight Gets downed, we know him not by sight. That prince of men who takes the prig* Finds friends to fawn and flatter; To tell him ho Is wondrous wise And weighted with gray matter; But for the lout who loses out, Pray, who can find the time to shout? The man who lands with both his feet Ou fertuas’s firm foundation Finds daily offering to treat The best half of the nation. As to the guy with two spot high. Wc never speak as we pass by. Theory and Practice. Though he protests with tongue and pen That shedding Joy Is swoet, Will ono who loves his fellow men Balse prunes for them to eat? y He Was Industrious. “She has ha4 thirty proposals In tho last month.” "Thirty I She must be an exceeding ly popular young lady.” “But they are all from the same man.’* General j, j. COOPEH, Proprietor If you are on a Rural Free Delivery Mail Route UNCLE SAM SAYS That you must have a BOX That is approved by the Postmaster General. If you get your mail on the R. F. D., We have for sale one of ■861*5? on the market; latest approved by the Postmaster