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Do not speak slightingly of the rooster because he does not lay eggs 1 remember Christmas is coming. If you could judge by appearances, the floorwalker would own the store. Most any man can shift his views on the tariff overn.ght If the other side gives promise of furnishing him with a better Job. How would you like to be the at mosphere in a presidential year? Freeze to a friend from whom yon 1 can borrow money .until ho asks yon to return some of it While justice 53 blind, sometimes you fancy that 11s trained ear can hear the clink of money. Count your chickens before they are hatched, If you think figures won’t He. If time is money, ragtime ij probably rag money. A man likes to get board where lie won’t get bored. Yellow dogs think that this'country is'suffering from an overproduction of tin cans. Actors, will be pleased to fall down and worship any one wh» will Invent a stage that Id all center. Judging from his actions yon some times think that the man without a past is trying his best to accumulate one. The fact that horse traders are born and not mado is no particular credit to their parents. It Is a slow office boy who does not know more than his boss. A secondhand watch Is often shy of a second hand. Behind. The man bshlpd the shovel, ■The man behind tne sun. The man behind the counter This blooming land may run. There's nothing doing for the gent "Who only Is behind in rent. Useful Knowledge. “How Is he getting along studying German?” “Famously. He can say zwel bear like a native." The Usual Thing, Sho wrought with patient, inVlng pride A garment for her flanco; The back was short, the- uloevcs were wide, And worked with oil’.; In oolors gay. Bhe fondly hoped that when he muBed lu Idle hours with hlr- Igar He'd wear the coat, whbe he confused The things to be with things that are, And so she sent It by express That ha might get It Christmas day. Bestowing on It a caress Before sho sent It on Its way. Ho took It from Its coverings And held It upside down, and then He snld he wonderad how such things Could bo acceptable to men. Ho tossed It In a closet dim Among some slippers bndly mired And wrote to say Bhe'd sent to him The thing that he had long desired. Can't Afford to Lose Her Now, “What makes Roberts so attentive to his wife?’’ “She lms threatened (o sue him for a divorce.” “I did not think a little thing like that would feazo him.” "Oh, you see, her millionaire undo is about to die, and Roberts considers that It would bo bad judgment to let her cut loose now.” Mean Thing. Ernestine—Will Grnntley Is the mean est, man 1 know. Josephine—Why, what has he done? Ernestine—1 had the cleverest Joke of the year on him and nicant to tell It to all the girls. Josephine—Did yon tell It? Ernestine—No. lie went before m# and told every one of them. Pane Pictures, Jack Frost lias etched, with careful band, A picture on the window pane— A garden full of lilies and A lot Of trees along a lane. This seems a mocking travesty ’ Of singing, smiling summer time, This glistening, sparkling mimicry Of summer done In winter's rime. But Jack Is wise; he wants to show That he knows love und laughter bright; That ice and frost and drifting snow Are not the whole of his delight. And so he makes with skill and care A picture full of birds and bees That we may know he's had his share Of happy summer harmonies. Radical Measures, When Mary is three hundredweight And keeps on growing large and great, I The weigh to treat a girl llko that Is with a dose of antifat. When a man rune up against a pro- ; pective mother-in-law who thinks be I Will not do. he Is apt to donbt If It is I so very many years since the lost gia-1 dal period. j No matter how much faith an in ventor might have In a flying machine be would be willing to trade hla patent for a railroad. When n mah claims to have disco- ered a process of making gold out of bnser metals It is generally for the pur pose of making coin out of credulous mortals. Looks Out For Himself. Man's Inhumanity to man . Makes life tor thousands stale and flat. Man's Inhumanity to mules— Ah, well, the mule will tend to thatt A Better Use For It “Give him rope enough and he will hang himself.” “Don’t take any chances like that <wlth him, or he will saw the bars out of his window and climb down tha rope." Those Lucky Horseshoes, Gossip Is a feminine pa&time which when practiced by men Is simply get ting a line on I things. A soft answer tumeth many a !.fresh young • man down. A bad penny will return to the collection plate. Sometimes the imitation Is mors bril liant than the real thing. Mrs. Outowork—I’ll not ask mother fl»r another cent. "If you want another hteal In this house you’ll have to earn th6 money to buy It Mr. Outowork (aside)—And here I'vo Carried that horseshoe around with me rll day! Positively the Rarest. Oh, rarer than a day in June, Although perhapu not ,-;utte as tins Her w'th the earth bo much tn turvv Is February twenl. -nine. Safer Place. | You ahout for that hervlo one, ) The man behind the gun, j But It's lots plcasan er to be I The man bohlnd a tree. J PBRT P.VRAGP A D HS, I Wiill, It may ot ,.e kh! fnrr have your hands ui you, -keta even worse form to nave . at In , j other man'u pocl ts. A latrrni w> .ink •• onywnere ti .. sliver toegued orator sh ufd produce results. The man who was uniting for le ip , r will still be waiting tvl >n it Is over. A diver should ncom'ills h won-'era. seeing that he works so mnet Ot thu time under pressure. Money must be the rooc of some thing; It certainly does not grow on tho branches. Love your enemies, but send all tele- | grams to thorn collect Pntent medicine testimonials are so nttrnetively written that a man Is apt to believe them until he has given tho medicine a trial. The less help you have the better you can keep a secret All 1b fair in politics unless the trick Is done by the other side. The confidence man may be a hand some fellow, but his beauty Is only skin deep. Money maltos the mare go, but It must first be turned Into oats. The longest six weeks In the year ore those that are ruled by the ground hog. Time nlono will heal a broken heart, though a better looking girl will help matters along wonderfully. ss o V. | siiirts, s PL -\CE | r.. s-inl.,, Hnc ' ■es in iiaf *. ; in the i: ! P C econd dam* .he ner where a select line is ' being closed out to give ♦ room for groceries. rn 1 i a i R • s n Take It Away, X don’t like to complain, But. It there Is anything that gives ms a pain It la to have a great, big, ten by splinter From the backbone of winter Sticking over Into spring When It Is clearly time to ring Oft on z<-ro daye And make a raise Of a few bushels of sunshine, Several baskets of superfine Perfume ladened air, Borne breezes from down where The orouge blossoms grow And where snow ts a curiosity. But, dear mst Xt Is a different .thing When you’re looking for spring On moat every train, Expecting It to alight, take off Its and remain. To have tho baggageman unload a as* of loo Twice A day And oheerfully say That there Is more to follow. Talk about life seeming hollow And vapid! Tou feel like taking a rapid Plunge Into the lake If some way to shake > Cold weather docs not appear In the near ’Future. You look at the case This way: Winter Is all right tp Its place, But Its place Is tho winter time, And you hold It a crime To have cold weather butting la Just when you want to begin To enjoy life. Enough Is enough Of anything, and you call It tough Tbit J„st when you have given year order For a-Jull Jeweled, double bock action spring that old winter should get the notion that it was a star sum mer boarder. K i!y re- f Is ire * ■ prices J ies wil J and \ ply the * the | t W. F. NEWBY. | l ♦ Paying In Work, , “I believe la giving tho devil hla due." “Perhaps that is why yon put In so much time working for the old fellow." Looked Alike to Her, *1 fairly dote oa our modern palat es.” “I can’t s«e where they or* a bit bat- Ear than tho pap.-r hangers.” Ar. T.i-k, Aiihtds'bb a* trird *. re. But be could beat the hi...bsf Where-'-le Fe'.or.r- “What Wi.ulS you do with a man wbo can't slug, but will keep at JtT* “Send him to Sing Sing if I have my way.” A Big Little, Man wants but Uttle here 1 Veil. I deny the charge; Or. .rrant'ng that It may be so, v. vr .3 chat little large. PBRT PARAGRAPHS, Hf.-soidisavs a man wishes the married | Sact wh, net. Evu;j though they are made of Wors- 1 , ti tU-.v are kid gloves If they are ( i children's size. A dead hog Is better than a live lion If you are hungry. Circumstantial evidence Is not the best, but you cannot help having yout suspicions when there Is powder on a young man’s shoulder. ’Tta love that mokes the world go round. It also keeps the furniture fac tories running. Charity begins at home, but reform always starts to work somewhere in the next block. Judging from appearances tho fish peddler Is not nshamed of his calling. Nothing Is qultu so distressing as to listen to an amateur swearer trying to make you think that he Is a profes sional. Every dog has Its day, but there are dogs that richly deserve thirty days and costs. If you have, It In for a druggist, the way to get even is to buy all of your stamps of him. Naturally baldheaded men think that football is a foolish game. Strenuous health eulturists who live •o one meal a day would be applying to the humane Boclety If they had to. It might be a surprise to some grocers to learn that there are sixteen eunees ' to the pound. It is ail right to lock the door after the horse is stolen, for who would want to lose the new horse boforo getting acquainted with him? It Is Iranian nature to spend 76 cents' worth of time getting a fifty cent pass to a theater. When a grass widow can collect ali mony, she Is In clover. Farm: Machinery Ctutators, Disc Plows, AGRICULTURAL IMPLEMENTS Pumps, and Farm Tools generally Undertakers Buriaf Robes, Coffins and 'Caskets We strive to pleas our customers. - CUMMINCfcWEBB. I ] . < ICLGJA. JL. By Their Works You' Shall Know Th PIANOS Organs and Sewing Machines. THE BEST IS THE CHEAPEST.” For the Best, get the PIANOS and Organs, all kinds More Utility. Oh, When you have a friend In fall Don’t coma around with mournful talo Or with * V'sr. pvett ho- inet To http him pi. And lonu> -. Far hr wo • the Uvu. away V MSB * n ui*. GET THF. BEST.- tty ire the World Tuning and ropairin^ d tn^ b?' f*rof W. R. 5Milh« ti t*i t-'vl- w Will Cot Over It. “How old la Maud?" •T dav’t know, but she must be pretty youM She said she would not marry a maii wbo smoker.*' Orojy mo 1 cHf I, -t ^otsr It (ImII receive p*"' r nr>* iteration. J. IT. NELSON,- Cordefe,