The Vienna progress. (Vienna, Ga.) 18??-????, May 26, 1904, Image 5

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CHARM OF THB GARDEN, ! 'When by the tangled wayrido path The vlulet opes its eye ; To make It clear that spring Is here To every passerby, ■ Romantic citizens go where • It nods Its modest head, i Bot while they roam I’ll stay at homo And watch my onion bed. , To wander In the woodlands wild, Where modest blossoms blow, And challenge fling to backward spring Inviting It lo go, Iday suit thoBe of artistic tastes And seasoned rubber boots. Give me the spot out In the lot I Where little lottuce shoots. Far from the city’s maddening strife The johnny-jump-ups Jump, ' The crocus crows, and I suppose The early bloom Is trump. • For me a little garden plot , Which early wants supply, . Though hardly more than two by four, } Is four small aces high, i Lot those who like such doubtful Joys For tall, damp timber strlko, And thus Invite, to their delight, Rheumatics and the like. w To me, I guess, the garden Will be sutflcleni treat; With spade and hoe I’ll watch thlngB grow That later I can oat. Fable of the Miser Who Let Go, In n Large City there lived a Self Made man who was attached to Ills Money with a Bond similar to the one on which the Siamese Twins drew n ealnry. It was necessary to Chloroform him anil perform a Surgical Operation In order to secure the Payment of a Just Claim. On the other Hand If Money was Coming to Him he always Met it more than Half Way with a Swift Horse and a Pair of Handcuffs lest It should get away before the Doors of Ills Safe closed on It Forever. By the time 1 he had Accumulated so Large a Fortune that the Police did not dare arrest him when ho would not Pay his Hired Girl. Three Schemers took note of his Prosperity and Began Laying Plans to Share It. As he was Careful not to carry more than Car fare they decided that Main Strength would not do and that Fine Work would bo Necessary. So one Evening they culled him Aside and Whispered In his Ear that the Country was In a Bad Way unless gome Good Man could be Induced to run for President and that after Look ing over the Field they had Decided that he was the One to do an Artistic and Ornamental Job of Saving. Although he would not have known the Tariff from a Load of Buckwheat, he Beadily fell in with the Idea and his chest swelled Three IncheB. Then they 1 Broke the news to him that it would tnke Money, and he asked If $10 would do. Naturally they Replied that It would not Start the Works and that at Least $600 would be Necessary to Insure Success, but they Pointed Out by Way of Consolation that the Job paid $50,- 000 a year. After much Squirming and Haggling he Succeeded in Beating them Down to $405 and Drew hie Check for that Amount Moral.—You can Convince any Man that he Is a Presidential’ Possibility. Not Looking lot Votes, Oh, there was moaning at the bar, And every one knew why— The candidate bought one cigar And let the crowd go dry. No Escape, "A candidate must expect to be slan dered.” “Yes, Indeed. If they can’t think of anything else they will say that he plays a flute.” PERT PARAGRAPHS, Merit may take longer than bluff In getting to the front, but when It gets there it stays longer. She Wanted a Man, He loved r- ’j to distinction. But ehe could not return The. very .'-lightest fraction, Nor would she try to'learn. Although his folks were wealthy And he -A'nb quite a catch, She couldn' t rouse .a healthy, Deep Interest in the match. Bhe kept the reason shady, So that he would not cry; He wits a perfect lady— That was the reason why. It Cured Him, "We don't hear anything from James- by any more, and ho used to be'such a howling reformer.” . “No; he has got an office.” PERT PARAGRAPHS. Ever see a woman perform her great sleight of hand trick of making a $20 bill look like 80 cents? What can bo more humiliating than for the dry goods clerk to be called down by the floorwalker before the customer whom the clerk has been trying to impress with the idea that he owned the store? Whnt in the world would we do with our ex-presidents If the supply of wild ducks were to run short? After a man has six or -eight chil dren he ceases to notice when they have birthdays. It ifl lucky for the man who acts as judge at a baby show that the wo men are notvoters. When the first baby t"-a its first toot!: its parents cannot be expected to *i- :•«* i n v r* In order that their civilization may be well balanced, a box of soap should be sent with each consignment of. tracts to tile lieuthcii. You wonder how they ever get those strawberries you seo pictured in the seed catalogues In the regulation strawberry boxes? Perhaps It is fy£ll for the pneumonia germ that It is not discovered, since so many lynching parties ore abroad. The judge charges the Jury, but be makes the pris oner pny cash. A girl always admires the taste of a mag azine editor who uses one of her pictures. When a trained nurse gets hold of a rich patient, some training she did not learn In the school comes handy. At the present price of the stuff no man Is tempted to have a disease Just for the purpose of having It cured by radium. That Was Easy, “Henry, If your uncle had $5 and gave you $4, what would he then have?” “Heart failure.” A PSALM OF SPRING, Tell mo net In mournful numbers Life’s a vein end vapid thins, Flavorless as young cucumbers In the blithe and bounding spring. Life Is real, fife Is aelton, • Vlion the year Is In Its prime; AIbo seventeen parts distraction At the say house cleaning time. Not enjoyment and not sorrow Is oup destined aim and end, But to see if wo can borrow Half a dollar from a friend. In the world’s nerve racking battle Always on the lookout bo, When you hear the muskets rattle, For a place behind a tree. Trust ho smooth, persuasive stranger With a patent get rich plan; Even though he bo a granger Ho will "do” you If ho can. Lives of great men oft remind us That queer methods sometimes pay If policemen cannot find us And wo make our gei-uway. Let us, then, be up and doing When the year is at Its flood, Give the rag a rest from chewing And take something for our blood. Mr, Dooley's Cousin on the Merger, "Do yez understand nliout the North ern merger decision?” asked Mr. Hen- nessy’s uncle as he stepped in for his morning bracer. “I do,”'says Mr. Dooley’s cousin. “I do. 'TIs this way. Jim Hill be says to himself and some others that owned a nice bunch of railways, ‘Boys,’ be says, ’competition,’ bo says, 'Is the life of trade,’ be says. 'That bein’ the case,’ lie soys, ‘we will,’ he soys, ‘do our own compntln’,’ he snys, ‘and kaap,’ ho snyB, ’the life of trade In the family,’ bo soys, “ ‘Do ye bear that, Teddy?’ says Gln- ernl Knox. ” ‘I dd,’ snys the prlsldlnt. ‘Bnd luck to them,’ be snys, ‘It’s against the law.' “ ‘Do ye know who we are?’ snys Jim Hill. ‘“I do,’ snys Teddy. " ‘Ye don’t tnlk that way,’ soya Jim Hill. “ ‘You’re pinched,' snys Teddy, ‘and ye can tell yer troubles to the suprame coort.’ ‘“'All right,’ snys Jim Hill. ‘They are a foino body of glntleraen.’ " ‘Wo’ll see,’ snys Teddy dryly. " ‘We will,’ snys Jim Hill. “Well, the suprame coort thought about It eight hours a day for several months, seriously Interferin’ with golf, and finally they says; ‘The prlsldlnj Is right. Ye’ll hnve to compote with one another and not with yerselves/” " Tis a grent victory for the people,” said Mr. Henncssy’s uncle. "It is,” said Mr. Dooley’s cousin. “It Is; only they may never find It out whin they come to pay the freight." Couldn't Be Worse, “His wife is a cooking school gradu ate, and be did not' know It until she told him.” "Yes, but he lived ten years In a boarding house.’’ Talk Is cheap, but not any cheaper than the talkers. While the gambling trust may hew to. the line, It does not let the chips fail where they may. A pessimist is n man who feels blue because things did not go wrong as he predicted. When a woman’s beauty fades she has a cinch if her ability as a cook lingers. Men like to seo their wives well dressed better, than they like to pay for the dresses. The Lord is not the only one who loves a cheerful giver. To tell a bachelor who picks up a baby that It usually will not go to strangers, but seems to take to him, should be good for at least a Christ mas present. Possibly If politeness cost money there would be more of It in the world. When a man is born great the neigh bors seldom find it out. | Kisses are only on the free list for the right man. PERT PARAGRAPHS, A few men smoke themselves to death, while most others only smoke their friends to death. Cuitators, Disc Plows, AGRICULTURAL IMPLEMENTS Pumps, and Farm Tools generally. Undertakers Burial Robes, Coffins and Cas'cefc* We strive to pleas our customers. G UMMING&WEBB IE GEORGIA. -■SR By Their Works You ShallKnow PI AN 0 S Organs and Sewing Machines. THE BEST IS THE CHEAPEST. For the Best, get the PIANOS and Organs, all kinds CROWN GET THE BEST. The Singer Sewing Machine Leads the A old Tuning and ,-jjiiri 1; dvii by ?i*W, Y. » aici, expert whose work is guarantee. Drop me a card, stating your wants, and it shall receive prompt attention. J. H. NELSON, Cards!: Some lies are so artistic that they make the truth look as If it were made at home. Laugh and the world will give you a reputation for being a humorist that will darken the rest of your dnys. There nre people who when the truth Is being spoken have to have an Inter preter. The comfort to be derived from some jokes is that they might have been worse. ■imfnftiS 'T-mumr-iHHir —'T-w--. ON CREDIT. CASH or CREDIT The Celebrated Century Farm Wagons direct from our Factory to the Consumer r.t Factory Prices—Cash or Easy Monthly Payments. We trust honest peo ple living In all parts of the world. _ Write for free catalogue. FULLY WARRANTED FOR 3 YEARS. SEKTIW BMflMCTWHM CO., Dipl. East St. Inns,® Judging from the rcspoetful manner of the European nations, they must ' «ho*r -> offTH” ’•» Lamar’s Lemon Laxative is the original lemon medicine. It is made of lemons and other harmless but powerful vege table ingredients, is a safe, sure and speedy cure for Indigestion, Constipation, Torpid Liver, Headache It cleanses the Bystem of all impurities, tones up the stomach and bowels, puts the liver and kidneys in perfect order in short “makes you new.” It is gentle but prompt and powerful in action, pleasant to take and always reliable. FOR.SALE BY ALL DRUGGISTS. LAMAR, TAYLOR & RILEY DRUG CO., Manufacturers, Macon, Ga.