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About The news. (Cartersville, Ga.) 1901-1901 | View Entire Issue (June 21, 1901)
A SINNER UNREPENT. BY SOPHIE OATES KERB, •‘My, but your mornin’ glories do look nice, Miss Phemey! Wish you’d save uie some seed often that white one.” it was Mrs. Ridley coming up the walk. “I will, Mis’ Ridley. Come in and set down. There’s a pa’rn ’leaf on the lounge, an’ mebbe you'll take a glass of cool water. It’s a scorchin’ morn ing,” said Miss Phemey. "I would like a drink, thank you," responded Mrs. Ridley. "Seems like when anybody’s fat as I am, they just get he't' up like a coal stove. My, that tastes good. You got a grand well, Miss Phemey." The hostess smiled a flattered smile, but before she could speak Mrs. Ridley went on: “I brought over three of Mr. Ridley’s vests. Miss Phemey, to get you to mend ’em. He’s bu’sted ’em ever’ one right down the back, f’r all the world like a seven-year locust, I tell ’im, an’t seems like I got no time to fix ’em, w r ith Emma May gittiu’ married next week. We’re just livin’ in a regular whirlwind, an’ sorry as I’ll be to see Emma May go : —not that I don’t like Charlie .Foote, but you know what I mean—l cert’ney shall be glad when all this fuss is over.” "I expect it is trying,” sympathized Miss Phemey. “But Emma May's al ways been a good daughter, an’ she deserves a fine weddin'.” “ ’Tain’t that I don’t want her to have it,” said Mrs. Ridley, hastily. “But I’m just dog-tired this mornin’ — for the land sakes, it’s half-past ten o’clock a’ready; I got to go. You bring them vests over when they’re done, Miss Phemey, an’ I’ll pay you t”r 'em. I’d send one o' the boys over, but Emma May wants you to come perticular an’ see her presents, so ’t’ll be killin’ two birds with one stone.” She chuckled comfortably as she stepped outside the door. Miss Phemey looked after her de parting form with resentful stare. “Yes,” she muttered, “she can get Miss Maxwell to make Emma May’s weddin’ clothes, but I’m good enough to mend up Jim Ridley’s old vests. I’ll charge her 15 cents apiece, see ’f I don’t; that'll be 45 cents. Does seem a good bit to charge f’r mendin’ three vests." Miss Phemey went in and shut out the glare of the summer day. As she picked up the package of vests her thin little hands trembled. Tears sprang to her eyes and she burst out fiercely: “ ’Tain’t right! I made Emma May Ridley’s dresss to be christened in, little teenty baby as she was, an’ I made her a dress to be confirmed in, an’ I made her a dress when she gragwated at the high school, an’ she’d always said I should make her wed din’ dress. That flauntin’ city thing’s got all my trade! I've sewed here all my life and dealt honest by all, an’ it’s not fair.” The tears rolled down her withered cheeks and fell unheeded upon Mr. Ridley’s second best pepper and-salt vest. Presently her wrath flamed anew’. "Emma May wants you to come per tickler to see her presents! ’Tain’t no hint; oh, no? Sally Ridley needn’t ’a’ troubled herself to say that. I got a present for Emma May. an’ I’m going to give it to her. I’d like to get even with them, the whole kit of ’em. Jest as if I couldn’t ’a’ made Emma May’s w'eddin’ clo’s. They tell me Miss Max well uses a chain-stitch machine. I always did say chainstitch machines was made for the careless, an’ I don’t see no reason to change my mind. Well, ’pon my word, this vest ain’t on’y bu’sted, but frayed int’ the bar gain.” Miss Phemey fell briskly to sewing. The next day, despite the threaten ing rumble of a distant storm, Miss Phemey dressed in her best and started toward the Ridleys, carrying two pack ages. She was graciously received by Emma May, a fat, fair girl of pleas ant mien and placid disposition. "I brought home them vests,” ex plained Miss Phemey; "and here, Em ma May. is a little present I brought for you. It’ll be nice f’r your dining room table, 1 thought.” She held out a small white pasteboard box, with an expression of the heaping-coals-of-fire kind. "Ma,” called . Emma May, “come here; Miss Phemey’s brought me a butter knife; Wisht you’d look. That cert’ney is beautiful.” "It’s solid silver,” said the donor, proudly. "My neice down to New York got it for me.” She received the thanks, delivered a trifle embarrass edly, of mother and daughter, with polite coolness. When the bride-elect invited her to an Inspection of the presents, Miss Phemey looked them over and made few comments. She turned the set of silver spoons, "presented by the groom’s parents; ’* so that the plate mark was visible, and she tapped the globe of a gaudy china lamp with the remark that they were just $2.35 cents down to Beedham’s When she had looked at all, she said, cheerfully: “Now I want to see yonr clothes, Emma May.” Mrs. and Miss Ridley exchanged glances of annoyance, but the latter led the way to the spare room, where, on the bed and chair, lay the creations of Miss Maxwell, “City Modiste.” There was the white silk wedding drees, the tan traveling dress, some odd waists, a black satin, stiff with jet, and a “tea gown.” No girl in a country town marries without these la-st indispensible garments: they are the real backbone of the trousseau. Miss Phemey looked at the display, felt the quality of the material, and examined the despised chain-stitching, without a word. At last she said, pleasantly conscious of paying old scores: "If I might persoom to criticise, I really do think it s a pity you got your wedding dress made with a p’inted overskirt. All the latest fashion books say they’re not worn at all this sea son; and box-pleats, too, is kind of dioppin out. I was readin’ only yes teiday that ’twas just the cheapest goods was made up so any more. That black satin's real pretty, though. Did you see Lena Sullivan’s black satin? Hers was a beauty—finest piece of satin I ever cut into, an’ all made up with these here pleated ruffles. Why, Emma May, seems ii you'd be more afraid to leave all these fine things in here with the winder open, this room on the ground floor like it Is. It’s been a real treat to see such elegant clothes, an’ I hope your married life’ll be hap py. The Footes have all got terrible onreasonable tempers, they say; but 1 hope you 11 be able to manage Char lie. Good-bye, all.” Miss Phemey walked home slowly. Even the thought of the darts she had planted in Mrs. Ridley’s capacious breast brought her no real comfort, when the vision of the snowy wedding dress rose before her. "Things ain't edge even yet,” she mummured. A low growl of thunder startled her and she hastened into the house to shut out the cutting flare of the lightning. When the kettle boiled she set her lonely table and made tea. The quick thump of heavy rain-drops on the roof made her start nervously. Night had come with the storm, and after her supper was over, Miss Phem ey sat in the dark and meditated. About 10 o’clock the rain ceased, and she flung the shutters open. The stars were shining now. The air outside was cool and damp and fragrant. She looked over toward the Ridley house, and as she did so their last light went out. Miss Phemey strained her eyes to no avail. All was darkness there. “I’m a-going to do it.” she said aloud, determinedly. Rummaging over the table, she found a pair of scissors. She took a match from the box beside the window and unlocked the door. The moon was creeping up, a flat disk of pale yellow. Miss Phemey looked down at herself and saw that she still wore her best dress. “It’ll be all drabbled,” she thought; then recklessly, “I don't care, nohow.” She brushed against the dripping flowers beside the garden path, and held her breath as the gate gave a whining cr-e-ak. Out on the road, walking noiselessly, she went. Once she heard a team coming and crouched in a corner of the worn fence, behind a little sweet-gum sprout, till It was past. She recognized the doctor’s rig and her heart came up in her throat and beat there, with great frightened leaps; but he passed by safely and she crept on. At last, after a seemingly unending journey, she reached the Ridleys’ gate. The maples threw deep shadows, and, so sheltered, she reached the house. Round to the left wing—slowly—slow ly—and the window was ptill open! She stopped and looked in. The moon light lay in patches on the floor, the dresses spread upon the bed, and there, within reach, it fell upon the wonder ful pearl beading of the wedding dress and made scintillating lights. Miss Phemey saw all this and slowly—slowly —her hand went out toward the glis tening beads. A quick jerk, and the waist of Emma May Ridley's wedding dress lay across her knees. She sought the seam in the middle of the back. She could feel the dispised chain stitching and she slipped her fingers deftly along toward the collar. What was this? A lose end of thread —a little pull—r-i-i-i-ip it was done! In a spasm of fear Miss Phemey hustled the waist through the window, back into place, and ran into the concealing shadow. Out to the gate, down the road again—she was almost home. Suddenly she stopped and gave a little chuckle. "Them bastin's ’ll hold it together so nobody 'll s’spect—lucky she left ’em in. But when Emma May puts it on. big an’ fat as she is, It'll bu’st square up the back like a frog.” She couldn’t help laughing at the idea; it tickled her fancy so. She forgot her wet feet, her draggled, muddy skirts, and went to bed with a smile still pulling at the corners of her mouth. The next morning the exposure had done its work. She was hoarse and feverish, and there was a sharp pain that stabbed her at every breath. “Threatened with pneumonia,” the doctor said, and commanded her not to stir from her bed, though she could not have done so had she so wished. The neighbors were very kind and at tended her faithfully, and the tenth day found her sitting up, very weak and frail, but with life in her eyes and voice. Mrs. Emerson, the town gossip, came in and brought a bundle. "Jest as soon as you git able, Miss Phemey, I want you to make me a dress. It’s one Mr. Emerson got me over to Bristol, an’ he showed real good taste for a man, I must say. Loolc-a-here, ain’t that fern leaf real pretty?” “It’s just beautiful,” assented Miss Phemey, “Seems if you’d have Miss Maxwell make it up, bein’ she’s from the city and all.” She’ll never cut into a piece of goods f’r me, I c’n tell you,” said Mrs. Emerson, with emphasis. “Ain’t no body told you how she made Emma May Ridley’s weddin’ dress and never sewed up the back, an’ Emma May, THE WEEKLY NEWS, CARTERSVILLE, GA, not suspicionin', put it on an' bu’sted it clean wide open? O’ course, you was sick an’ didn’t git to the weddin’; but I was there, an' the weddin’ party was nigh an hour late jest on that ac count. Nothin’ but a bastin' thread to hold it together; such shif’lessness! Course, bein' bad luck, Emma May never tried on the dress after it come home, like she did the others, an' I c'n tell you she was hoppin'. People at the church didn’t know what on earth was the matter. No 'ndeed. Miss Maxwell makes no clo’s f’r me.” After her visitor was gone. Miss Phemey lay back on her pillows and looked out of the window a long time. “ 'Twas an awful mean trick. I know," she said at last. “ ’Twas right; but I got this spell o’ sickness to pay up fer it, an’ that butter-knife was solid silver and real expensive. I’m evened up all ’round —an’ somehow — I jest can’t care.” —Ladies’ World. HOW CROKER FIGHTS A FIRE. In the Face m Flames He Can’t Stand Heins Bothered. Croker's method of directing the fight on a Are is typical, says Lindsay Denison in Everybody’s Magazine. Bonner taught the fire-chiefs of the world to take up a position command ing the best possible view of the Are, and to hold it; issuing orders to the deputy commanders aDd receiving re ports from them without moving from the spot. Croker's first step on reach ing a fire is to look over the building thoroughly; then he selects his posi tion commanding a view, but he does not stay in it; he leaves Oswald there and starts out on a dare-devil chase through the fire. He goes to every spot where there are men at work and to many where there are not. Every where he drives the men, encourages them, warns them, and directs them. From time to time he sends a messen ger back to Oswald with an order for a change in the disposition of the at tacking force, or for a call for re-en foreements. He may be traced around the outskirts of the fire by the fever ish ferocity with which the firemen work where he has been. His very presence seems to transform them into jumping crews of devils, and the spell does not pass from them until they have seen him toss aside his hel met, pull the crumpled brown hat over his eyes, and stick a black cigar slantwise in the corner of his mouth. When the chief does these things, the fire is out. It may smoke and sput ter for hours, but it is beaten, there is no more fight left in it; all that re mains is the “wetting down.” Once a man stood in front of Croker and obstructed his view of a building which was burning. Croker did not r" v tr* .aide. Tipjtfipr did lie push him out of the way; he knocked him down. Afterwards he denied vio lently that he had struck anybody; he couiq not remember any incident of the sort. But he could remember with absolute accuracy every order that he had given to his men, he knew from what engine every one of the 20 lines of hose had received water. Another time he struck a police captain in the face for asking the question, “Fife al most put, chief?” There was murder in his eyes when he struck the blow, but in the same second he was giving orders to his aides in as calm and cold tones as though he were asking them the time of day. His own expres sion for the feeling that comes over him at such times as these is that he “can’t stand being bothered at fires.” QUAINT AND CURIOUS. By applying a prolonged pressure of 18,000 pounds to the square inch a Montreal professor makes marbles flow like molasses. The censorship is a very real thing in China. There, anyone who writes an objectionable book is punished with 100 blows of the heavy bamboo and banished for life. The Danube flows through countries in which 52 languages and dialects are spoken. It is 2000 miles in length, and bears on its currents four-fifths of the commerce of Europe. An eel nearly nine feet long, two feet and four inches in girth and weighing 148 pounds was recently caught on the beach at Snettisham, near Huntstanton, England. Red snow is frequently seen in the Arctic and Alpine regions. Chemical experiments have led to the conclu sion that the red color is due to the presence of vegetable substance. An immense trade is done in China in old English horseshoes, which are considered the best iron in the world for making small household articles, such as braeelets, hooks and bolts. The town of Nylstrom, South Africa, received its name 30 years ago. Dur ing a trekking expedition the Boers, it appears, came upon a river and at once wrote to their friends saying that they had just reached the Nie. Some remarkable relics of the early civilization in Egypt have recently been unearthed and deposited in the British Museum. Among them is a beautiful impression of a royal seal which represents the king wrestling with a hippopotamus and spearing a crocodile. That must have been tho kings busy day. Stirprlued at the Clock. “"What time is it?” asked his wife, suspiciously, as he came in. “About one.” Just then the clock struck three. “Gracious! When did the clock commence to stutter?” he said, with a feeble attempt at justification and a joke.—Philadelphia Times. POWDER. What Happened to the Man Who Fonnd It Out. “It occurred to an alchemist one day that it would be a fine thing to take sulphur, saltpeter and dried toads, pound them all to a powder and ‘sub lime’ them together in an alembic, which he carefully luted and set onthe furnace to heat. He poked up the fire and waited around, thinking what he would do with his money if this should turn out to be the powder of reduction that would turn base metals into gold, when, bang! went the alembic and the windows blew out, and the door ripped off Its hinges and fell down, blam! The alchemist scuttled out from under the ruins of the furnace, shook a red hot coal or two out of his shoe and the ashes off himself and wondered what had struck him. He tried it again and again, and each time with the same re sult; and then it dawned upon him that he had discovered a fair article of blasting powder. Since then about all that has been done to his recipe has been to put in a little better article of charcoal, sky that of willow twigs, in stead of toasted toads. “Little did the old alchemist dream what potency was in that ‘powder of reduction.’ For such it is. Although it never yet has turned lead into gold by its mere touch, yet when a small, round piece of lead is put with the powder into an iron tube of curious w-orkmanship, and fire laid thereto, it is possible to convert another man’s gold into the possession of him that has the iron tube of curious workman ship, and not gold only, but all manner of goods and chattels, houses and lands, messuages, easements and he reditaments, even men’s souls and bod ies. Lay down the book for a moment and bethink you what his powder par excellence, this powder of powders, has brought about since first the dried toads charred in that alembic. How has it put down the mighty from their seat, and exalted them that are of low degree! How has it been the helper of men that struggle for their country’s freedom, believing that they had the right, God-given and inborn, to gov ern their own affairs and not to be ruled from beyond the sea. a glorious doctrine when the time is 1776, and the sea the Atlantic, contemptible and re bellious when the time is 1901, and the sea the Pacific! This powder asks no questions as to right or wrong. It pro pels with equal violence the bullet against the breast of him that fights the foreign tyrant and him that resists the benevolent assimilator.” —Harvey Sutherland in Aiuslee’s. Huxley’s Vt Heading, Huxley, says T ohn Fiske in the At lantic, seemed to read everything worth reading, history, politics, meta physics, poetry, novels, even books of science; for perhaps it may not be superfluous to point out to the general world of readers that no great man of science owes his scientific knowledge to books. Huxley’s colossal knowledge of the animal knigdom was not based upon the study of Cuvier. Baer, and other predecessors, but upon direct personal examination of thousands of organisms living and extinct. He cherished ?. wholesome contempt for mere bookishness in matters of science, and carried on war to the knife against the stupid methods of education in vogue 40 years ago, when students were expected to learn some thing of chemistry or palaeontology by reading about black oxide of man ganese or th° dentition of anoplother ium. A rash clergyman once, with out further equipment in natural his tory than some desultory reading, at tacked the Darwinian theory in some sundry magazine articles in which he made himself uncommonly merry at Huxley’s expense. This was intended to draw the great man’s fire, and as the batteries remained silent the au thor proceeded to write to Huxley call ing his attention to the articles and at the same time with mock modesty asking advice as to the further study of these deep questions. Huxley’s an swer was brief and to the point: “Take a cockroach and dissect it!” The Illifi of Anton, “The success of gasoline automobiles in France brought about the revival of steam automobiles in England and America, and was immediately emu lated in the United States by the con struction of electric automobiles. “It has been reserved for the 20th century to witness the simultaneous development of automobile construction along ail three lines at so rapid a rate that it is impossible as yet to tell which is in the ascendant. Whatever the outcome, it is plain already that the contest is to be decided in Ameri ca, for in this country alone all the different principles of construction have found ready acceptance and are pushed forward to their logical conclu sion with youthful vigor. With accus tomed conservatism, English automo bile constructors cling to steam pro pulsion; in France and Germany pro gress is made chiefly in the develop ment of gasoline machines. To Amer ica, naturally, fell the leadership in the construction of electric automo biles; but that leadership bids fair to be rivaled by American builders of gasoline and steam automobiles as well. Some firms in the United States turn out all three classes in almost equal perfection.”—Edward Emerson, Jr., in Ainslee’s. Incentive to Industry. “That young man is one of the most industrious people in the establish ment,” remarked the proprietor. “ never see him when he is not working hard.” “Yes,” answered the manager. “He Is always in a hurry to get through so that he can play golf.”—Washington Star. A HYCIENIC DECALOCUE. Prlie-Winning St of Kule. for Prolong ing Fife. The following is taken from the Lancet of February 11: “Dr. Decornet, of Ferte sur Aube, France, is announced as the winner of a prize offered by the extensive and well known publishing house of Hach ette & Cos., for the 10 best maxims for preserving the health, which were to be published in the Annual Almanac issued by the firm. These are the prize maxims: (1) General hygiene: Rise early, go to bed early, and in the meantime keep yourself occupied. (2) Respiratory hygiene: Water and bread sustain life, but pure air and sunlight are indispensable for health. (3) Gastrointestinal hygiene: Fru gality and sobriety are the best elixir vitae for a long life. (4) Epidermal hygiene: Cleanliness preserves from rust; the best-kept machines last longest. (5) Hygiene of sleep: A sufficiency of rest repairs and strengthens; too much rest weakens and makes soft, (6) Hygiene of clothing: He is well clothed who keeps his body sufficiently warm, safe guarding it from all abrupt changes of temperature, while at the same time maintaining perfect freedom of mo tion. (7) Dwelling hygiene: A house that is clean and cheerful makes a happy home. (8) Moral hygiene: The mind reposes and resumes Its edge by means of relaxation and amusement, but excess opens the door to the passions, and these attract vices. (9) Intellectual hygiene: Oayety conduces to love of life, and love of life is the half of health: on the other hand, sadness and gloom help on old age. (10) Professional hygiene: If it is your brain that feeds you. don’t allow your arms and legs to become anchylosed. Do you dig for n livelihood, don’t omit to burnish your Intellect and elevate your thoughts." Fove Among Savg>. Among the Arabs of Upper Egypt the youth who proposes to a girl must submit to a whipping at the hands of all her male relatives; and, says a dry narrator, “If he wishes to be con sidered worth having, he must receive the chastisement, which is sometimes exceedingly severe, with an expres sion of enjoyment.” Not infrequently it is the maiden herself who imposes the test. The Sakalava girls of Madagascar make their lovers stand at a short distance from a clever spear-thrower and catch between the arm and side every weapon flying at them. If the youth “displays fear or fails to catch the spear, he is Ignominously rejected; but if there he no flinching and the spears are caught, he is at once pro claimed an accepted lover.” Worse than this is the trial enforced upon their suitors by the Dongolowee girls. When In doubt as to the re spective merits of two rivals, the young lady fastens a sharply-pointed knife to each elbow, then, seating her self between her lovers, she drives the blades slowly into their thighs; and the hero who takes the greatest length of steel without a murmur wins the bride. Major Mitchell, In his “Expeditions Into the Interior of Eastern Austral ia,” says of the natives on the River Darling, that all their ideas of fight ing are associated with the possession of gins or wives, and that after a bat tle the wives “do not always follow their fugitive husbands from the field, but frequently go over, as a matter of course, to the victors.” “None but the brave deserve the fair” is a maxim well understood of most barbaric races.—Chambers’ Journal. How a Kuminago Hale Benefit*. In many a closet and every old gar ret there are numerous articles which have always seemed too good to de stroy and yet more or less trouble some to keep. Besides taking up room they have to be handled over semi occasionally, dust gathers over them, moths are attracted to them and gen erally It is a relief to get rid of them, especially if they will do anybody any good. Too good to sell for old rags or junk, one feels that it Is preferable to give them where they will do good than to accept a rag price for them. Now the rummage sale disposes of all such goods and puts them where their remaining utility can be put to service. The institution managing the sale, usually charitable, realizes a small sum for its work, and the semi destitute get, the articles long laid away in some dark storeroom at a price which is within their means and which makes the goods a bargain for them. The poor are supplied without being pauperized. They pay what they are able. Thus pictures, furniture, clothing and nearly everything laid aside by one can be used awhile longer by an other, and through the rummage sale at least three parties are benefited — the one who gets his store-room cleared out. the mission which has the sale and the people who buy and finally re ceive the goods and finish out what utility remains.—C. L. D. Younkin, in Boston Transcript. Day of trench Scamst resse*. The recent strike of dressmakers in Paris brought to light some interesting facts in connection with work and pay of seamstresses in the French capital. The employe of the average Parisian firm works from 9 a. m. to 8 p. m., with an hour off for lunch. She earns four francs 50 centimes per day when things go well with her. But there are 61 Sundays and fete days in the year; 60 more days when she has holidays and 54 days when, during the dead season she works shorter hours and loses a third of her wages. THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE FUNNY M£N OF THE PRESS tlh’l Economic Doluxionti— Kmnmnj-A Nut ural Thought—Mot a Matter rf Blood—Cupid Utilized A l.lfe-Long Treasure—Ural, Genuine Toll, Etc, Buying apples by the barrel is one '\ Way man’s peace is wrecked; — First he picks and cats the specked ones; By that time the rest are specked. -Puck. Economy. “Why do you always cut knots?” “Because time Is more valuable than string.” A Natural Thought. t Briggs—“Gilson tells us he has made a lot of money in Wall street." Griggs—“How much has he lost?”' Not a Matter of Blood. “Don’t you think a man lias to be well born to have repose of manner?” “No; being born lazy will do just us well.” Cupid Utilized. “Would you publish a man’s love letters to you, Miss Skimmer?” “Well, I’m thinking this very minute of getting out a composite volume.” A Fife-Bong Treasure. “Clara, that is a hideous vase.” “Yes, it is; it was one of our bridal presents—but we never have any luck at getting ugly things broken when we move.” Ileal, Genuine Toll. “What is manual labor, pa ?” “Well, sonny, a fair sample of it is the way your dear mother works to get you up in the morning uud to get you to go to bed at ulght.” Still filiead. Automobile—"We are vastly superior to you horses.” Horse—“Oh, I don’t know; when we roll over we get up all right—when you roll over you have to send for a plumber.” A Nautical Term. Mr. Gadabout—"l felt a trifle uneasy on shipboard during the first voyage abroad, especially uutil I got my sea legs.” Miss Emptyliedde—“O, I sec! After that you walked ou four feet." A Daring Classifier. “I don’t know whether to reprimand that new man or raise bis salary,” said the editor, thoughtfully. “What is he doing?” “He insists on putting the weather reports under the beading ‘Freaks and Fancies.’ ” Longing For Companionship. “Why do you insist ou persecuting that literary man?” iuquired the intim ate friend. “Because,” answered the czar. “I get. lonely once in a while aud want to feel that there is somebody else just as scared and uncomfortable as ! am.” Her Comment. “Fame,” said the youth with the earnest intellectual expression, “is so hard to attain! It is so difficult for one to get himself talked about!” “Humph!” rejoined the woman with cold blue eyes and a firm jaw. “You just ought to live in our neighbor hood.” i Oitraclied. Ascum—“lt seems strange limt you and Popleigh should be such good friends, and yet neither his wife nor any of her relatives ever have a good word for you.” Teller—“No, they simply hate me. You see Popleigh insisted on naming his first boru after me.” A Compliment. “I understand that one of your an cestors was a horse thief,” said Bill ings to Ricketts. “He was. Glad you mentioned it. I regard that as a compliment.” “How’s that?” “It is an acknowledgement that I have improved on my ancestors.” Brought Down to the Present. “The pen is mightier than the sword,” quoted the man who clings to proverbs. “My dear sir,” rejoined the modern ist, “it is no longer a question of pens and swords. The debate now is as to whether the typesetting machine i mightier than the maxim gun." Her Preference. “Was I misinformed,” said the young man with the sharp voice, “or did you say that my singing left nothing to be desired?” “I probably said it,’’ answered Miss Cayenne. “There are occasions, you know, when an absolute inertia is a luxury. I may say that your singing left nothing very much to be desired.” Still at it. “Oh, stop! stop!” cried Willie's papa. “Haven’t I told you not to ask foolish questions? Everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other.” “Pa,” said Willie, several minutes* later, “if you was to plug up the other ear what you say to me would have to turn around and come out where in went in. wouldn’t it!”—Philadelphia Press. Hallying Rapidly. Surgeon (after operation)—‘T am glad to be able to assure you. Mrs. Tyte-Phist, that the danger is now over and your husband will recover. We have successfully removed the ap pendix veriniformis, and it is of such a unique formation that I shall pre serve it for use in my medical lec tures.” Mr. Tyte-Fliist (opening his eyes)—* “You’ll allow me something tor it, I suppose, doctor?”—Chicago Tribune*
