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NATURE’S FREAK'S.
ODD THINGS EVERY ONE HAS
NOTICED ABOUT HIMSELF.
Why Ice Crejim Makes the Temple
Ache—Cramps and Stitches—
Utrange Phenomena of
the Five Senses.
Wbv is it t .at upon taking an impru
dently large mouthful of ice cream one
is apt to feel a sensation of violent pain
in the temple?
Such little physical phenomena as this,
are experienced by every one and seem
very puzzling, but how many persons
ever think of inquiring as to what they
signify?
A.r for the ice cream, when such a big
mouthful of it is incautiously swallowed
it produces a chilling effect upon the
nerves of the larynx, or “voice box,”
and of the pharynx, in the throat. The
sensation shoots back to the centre of
those nerves in the brain; but there it
finds a side connection with the great
facial nerve that starls from in front of
the ear and extends its branches over the
side of the face. Ond branch of this
facial nerve, extending across the tem
ple, is a nerve of sensation, while the
other branches are nerves of motion, gov
erning chiefiv the play of the mouth.
The pain from the chill is side
tracked along the nerve branch that
traverses the temple and the feeling is
likely to be quite agonizing in that
locality for a moment or so, very likely
involving the eyeball sympathetically.
This feeling of a sensation in one nerve
when another nerve is attacked is what
is called “reflex action.”
Doubtless you have on occasions waked
up in the night with a fearful pain in
the calf of your leg nud found the mus
cles drawn up in a kuot. This “cranip,”
as it is called, is simply a contraction of
the muscles caused by cold or fatigue.
Irritation of any sort, however, may bring
it on—by an electric current, for in
stance, which will render the subject ex
perimented upon incapable of extending
the limb affected. A “stitch in the
side” is the same sort of a cramp attack
ing other muscles; a “crick in the neck”
is a contraction of the muscles of the
neck owing to cold.
A slight wrench of the neck will oft
times produce a most agonizing sensation
of burning, one or more of the many
ligaments that fasten the head securely
in position having been strained for a
moment. Every one has felt the pain in
tlie side that comes from running for a
distance; it is simply a spasm of the
muscles of the diaphragm, from violent
and unaccustomed exercise.
People are often unnecessarily alarmed
by specks floating before the vision, im
agining that blindness threatens. In
most cases these are caused by nothing
worse than a little iudigestion or cold.
A slight enlargement of blood vessels in
the cornea that covers the front of the
eye like a watch glass or in the mucous
membrane stretched over the cornea will
produce the symptom. But specks seen
in this way may sometimes be particles of
blood or of other foreign substances
floating in the liquid of the eye—in
which ease disease may be indicated.
When the specks arc very movable it is
presumably a trifling congestion of the
superficial membrane.
Why is the roof of your mouth so sen
sitive that a few rubs with your tongue
will render if, unpleasantly sore?
Simply for the reason that beneath the
mucou3 membrane covering that pkrt. are
ever so many acute nervous papilla), only
covered by a coating of epithelial cells.
A rub or two with your tongue will
scrape off these projecting colls and leave
the sensitive nerve extremities bare. It
is at the extremity of the tongue that
such nervous papillte ate most highly de
veloped. They perform tho functiou of
the sense called “taste,” aud for its pur
pose they are distributed all over the in
side of the mouth, palate and upper
throat. Different viands produce upon
these papillae varied effects of. sensation,
and by companion of such effects the
agreeableness of dishes sorved is es
timated.
As an illustration of nervous action it
is interesting to observe the fact that one
has only to fix his attention upon any
part of his anatomy for a brief space in
order to make that portion very painful.
Concentrate your mind upon your little
toe for two minutes, and at the end of
that time it will have begun to bo almost
agonising. The mind, directed toward
the part, irritates the nerve communicat
ing with the part,' aud the result is dis
comfort.
Tear out the heart of a human being
quickly aud it will continue to beat for
some seconds after it has been parted
from the body-. A frog’s heart will pul
sate for twenty-four hours after it has
been taken takeu from the batrachian.
Ignorant persons suppose this to mean
that the heart is still alive, and their no
tion is very natural.' But the fact is
merely that there are iu the frog's heart
certain groups of movemeut nerves,
called “motor ganglia,” which keep on
agitating the organ until they are starved
out by want of nutrition though
nc* actual life is present. There
tiro motor ganglia ia the human
heart also, but they are not so strong in
their action. When the flesh of a turtle
is out up in pieces for a stew the scraps
continue to quiver for many hours. The
popular notion is that the turtle is so tena
cious of existence that it keeps on living,
though chopped up. In reality the frag
ment* of the motor nerves in the flesh,
stimulated by cutting, keep up au auto
matic movement. Reptiles’ flesh gener
ally acts this way. Galvanism, by the
way, was accidently discovered through
th* chance contact of an electric wire
with a frog's leg on Galvani’s table. A
human being dead for quite a while may
be affected in like manner. The electric
current applied to his leg, say, irritates a
nerve that communicates with a nerve
center in the brain. The nerve center
responds with a message to the part that
causes a sudden contraction of the muscles
though life be some time extinct. Here
The causes and philosophy of sea siek
nesi have always been a great, puzzl;; but
the most generally received theory at
present is that the trouble is due to ine
quality of pressure in the blood vessels.
In a craft tossing on the waves the blood
is made to flow first this way and then
that, naturally producing disturbance.
As for remedies nothing has been dis
covered that is more effective than the
traditional piece of salt pork on the end
of a string.— Washington Star.
Eye-glasses Are Made From Pebble*.
“Fully twenty per cent, of the grown
people of the community are aile.cted
with some trouble of the eyes,” said a
Chicago optician to a Post man. “More
have the far-sighted eye than the near
sighted. Failing sight is attributalbc to
different causes. Many weak eyes are
the result of natural defects, while in
other cases weakness come3 from in ju
dicious use of the organs of fight. After
people begin to use glasses they are sel
dom able to get along without them.
The best glasses are manufactured in
Paris. These arc known as the French
crystal and the French pebble. The
pebble material in the rough is imported
from Brazil, and being ground and pre
pared in France the goods are given the
name of French. Paris # is the great
market for all kinds of lenses. What is
tiie difference between the crystal ami
the pebble? It is a very marked differ
ence. Pebble is the crystallized rock.
The crystal is made just as the ordinary
window glass is made, but of course the
quality is very much liner. It is only
manufactured for optical purposes.
“The glasses made from the pebble
mined in Brazil aro harder than any
other kind. They are also cooler to the
eye. This is a great desideratum where
there is any particular irritation about
the eye. The original pebble is cut into
thin slnbs and then is ground and
polished. This pebble is extremely hard,
so hard indeed that it cannot be scratched
save with a diamond. The crystal, on
the contrary, is much harder than ordin
ary glass, but it can be. scratched. The
French pebble glass, which is so highly
esteemed, is the Brazilian pebble. This
pebble is generally brought from the
mines in Brazil ns Imllnst in many cases.
The main expense is iu preparing it foi
the market. Like the microscope lens,
the cost is in the grinding and polishing.
There are some glasses made in this
country that are not only excellent in
quality but find a good and ready mar
ket. The American glass is a crystal
lens, and it is made in Southbridge,
Mass. The glass used in their manu
facture is imported from Germany and
Belgium and i.s ground at Southbridge.
Of course it is a cheaper grade of lens
than the French glass, but it his never
theless much merit.
A Chinese Marvel.
In 1130 A. D.-, after nineteen years oi
ceaseless labor and au expenditure of
about $4,000,000, the Chinese Govern
ment finished the wonderful porcelain
tower at Nankin, which stood for nearly
four and a quarter centuries, Ain til 1850,
the most marvelous building ever erected
by human hands. It was of octagonal
form, 200 feet in height, with nine sto
ries, each having a cornice and gallery
without. The name of Porcelain towei
was applied to this unique structure on
account of the fact that the whole of the
outside work was covered with porcelain
slabs or various sizes and colors, bul
principally of red, white, yellow and
green. At every one of its nine stories
the projecting roof of the gallery was
covered with green tiles, each corner
being provided with a bell varying iu
weight from 300 to 1000 pounds.
There were 152 bells in all, each so
nicely balnnred as to rock hack and forth
ns they were swayed by the breezes, giv
ing out a continuous strain of beautiful
but weird music. Ranged in rows be
tween the bells were 129 brass, bronze
and silver lamps, which were lighted
every night in the year. Tho apex of
the tower, starting from its base at the
250-foot level and extending upward for
a height of ten feet, was a monst.'r
gilded pineapple, surmounted by a cop
per ball about two feet iu diameter. A
spiral stairway of over 300 steps led from
the base to the summit. The building
was constructed .13 a gift to an Empress,
and was always kept in repair by the
Government. Lightning struck it in
1801 and tore down the three top siorics.
Tho injury was repaired as soon as pos
sible. It would probably be standing to
this day lmd not the Taiping rebels im
agined its lights and bells disastrous to
their cause.— Commtrcinal Advertiser.
Relics of Prehistoric Times.
A good deal of interest was aroused at
Fort Collins, Cal. .recently by the finding
of the bones of a monstrous animal in a
cutting that was being made by Contrac
tor Fred Mauty at a point about ten
miles north of Fort Collins, in the Box
Elder country. The bones were found in
iv stratum of very fine gray sand, about
thirty iucht3 iu thickness, which rests
upon a bed of coarse,compact red gravel,
mixed with water-washed bowlders.
Above the bed of fine sand is a layer of
still blue clay about ten feet thick. Neatly
all of the bones found were so badly de
composed as to crumble when handled;
the teeth, however, six of which were
found, were very perfectly preserved, the
larges# tooth weighing about four and a
half pounds.
The bones of one foot were discovered
so well preserved that they could be
placed iu position and give a fair idea ol
the size of the animal. The markings of
the teeth show the auimal to have been a
mastodon. The nature of the soil in
which this specimen is found shows that
some time there has-been a body of wafet
where now are dry prairies; the stratifi
cation of the sand proves it to have been
standing water; the overlying clay tells
of the decomposition of immense beds of
aluminum-bearing rock, the debris of
which tilled the lake,covering the animal
remains which strewed the beach; the
i bones are a proof that these cold and
i barren plains once enjoyed at least a
j semi-tropical climate and were dressed
in a tropical verdure of forest and jungle.
| — Ntir, York Star.
HYPNOTISM.
WONDERFUL FACTS FROM A
PHYSICIAN’S EXPERIENCE.
Throwing People Into n Trance In
Order to Cure Them of I’hjs
ieal Infirmities—Extraor
dinary Cures Effected.
“This word ‘hypnotism,’” said Dr.
Joshua Thorne at a convention of Mis
souri doctors in St. Louis, “is anew and
better term for certain physical phe
nomena which for eighty years were
known as ‘mesmerism.’ The word in
cludes all the phenomena that lie in the
nervous system in its expression of
mental or physic condition. When the
history of hypnotism is solved, man then
will know the relations which exist
between the man and hi* body—the
house he lives in. The history of hypno
tism is the physic history of the race—
all the mysteries of ancient temples, of
ghosts and witchcraft, second sight and
nuirnal magnetism, ecstatic trance, and
frenzy of the prophets of old and the
Oriental dervishes of to-day. Faith cure
and mind reading, clairvoyance and
spiritualism, aro all included in the
category of its phases. It is not anew
force, but as old as life. It obtains not
in man alone, but its powers and mandates
govern orgauie life, from the infusoria to
the highest beings.
“I propose at this time to give a few
facts from my own experience with
hypnotism as a student in this field for
more than forty years.* I shall give
typical cases, each representing different
phases of diseased conditions, passing
over hundreds of cases similar in kind
and in degree. I shall oiler few words '
of comment, giving you the facts in
volved, knowing that in the presence of
truth inexplicable science is the pro
foundest argument.
“.Mrs. X.. a widow, aged forty-one, came
under ray care in June, 1881, suffering
from acute mania. Sho was violent, of
disgusting speech aud habit. Her de
lirium paroxysms usually lasted from six
to ten hours, when a settled melancholy
would supervene, lasting several days.
This woman was, in her normal condi
tion, spiritual in character, a woman of
the highest education, the centre of a !
group of intellectual women of broad
ideas and noble purpose. Her home and
surroundings were of the best. Her
father had occasional insane attacks for
thirty years before he died, and died in
an insane asylum. Iler only children,
two daughters, committed suicide while
in delirium, each on her eighteenth birth
day, about two years apart. The last
daughter’s death was the immediate
cause of her mother's insanity, which
had lasted five months when I first saw
her. Upon my first, examination the pa
tient was very violent ond resisted my
approach. Without her knowledge, and
in spite of her own efforts, I threw her
under the hypnotic influence to the de
gree of trance. While thus entranced
she described conversations with her de
parted daughters, spoke of herself in the
third person, predicting a speedy cure.
She remained in the trance state over two
hours, and in the so-called magnetic
sleep eleven hours. From thjjt day till
now her mind has been sound and strong.
I gave her the sleep every day for about
a week. She is now married to one of
the most prominent lawyers in the East,
and, in a letter from her a few days since,
she says she has no symptoms of a return
of the malady. She has a child five
years old. In this case we havo
hereditary insanity, which, she received
from her father and transmitted to her
two children, cured without medicine or
time.
“Airs. .Jeffries, aged forty-four, a mar
ried woman, consulted mo iu January,
1885, for a very severe form of paralysis
agitaus, which had lasted two years.
The patient was perfectly helpless! could
not feed herself, and required and re
ceived the constant aid and assistance of
a nurse. She had been under treatment
at homo aud iu New York city, but
found no improvement. The disease is
supposed to have resulted from a severe
shock—she found a man hanging iu the
bnrn. For one month I treated her with
remedies and various forms of electric
impulse ‘without any benefit. I then
treated the spine with the actual cautery,
and sent her home without benefit. In two
weeks she returned and consented to be
hypnotized. In four seances sho was well,
and remains a sound woman to-day. 1
never carried this lady beyond the con
scious sleep. She never lost her identity
or memory.
“James Frauk, aged nineteen, in July,
1878, sent the blade of an axe into the
knee joint. llis father was a tenant on
my farm, near Kansas City. I requested
the late Dr. Taylor to attend him. Oa
the third day after the injury J)r. Taylor
informed me that tetanus had supervened.
I bad seen much of tetanus during the
war, but never saw a worse case than this
young man presented. If the knee was
touched violent spasms ensued. The
knee had not been dressed for thirty-six
hours, wheu I first saw him on the fourth
day after tho injury. I placed him in
the hypnotic sleep at 4 o’clock p. m.,
dressed the wound, removed pieces of
bone, aud directed him to sleep till 8
o'clock the next morning. At that hour
Dr. Taylor and I wore at his bedside. He
awoke soon, having slept soundly all
night. The tetanic spasms were gone.
The boy soon got well.
“Air. W , a prominent lawyer of
Kansas City, consulted me in February,
1881, for insomnia, the result of chronic
alcoholism. The man had no jiowt-r
over his appetites in any direction. A
hard student and otherwise a good man,
his friends regarded him as a physical
aud moral wreck. For months he had
no proper sleep. Opium, chloral and all
drugs had lost their power upon him. f
fouud multiple neurosis, showing that
the spine, as well as the brain, was in
volved. Nutrition had almost ccased.
I requested him to submit to hypnotism.
He. said that he thought it would kill
him aud hoped it would. At my first
seance he was put to ?lecp at 11 p.
m. He remained in a sound sleep till
8 the next morning. I kept him in
bed for two weeks, put to sleep every
night. He slept all the nights withoul
waking. 1 fed him carefully. He often
went to sleep of himself in the daytime.
He never asked for or received any
stimulants.' Since that time he has con
tinued well. He eats and sleeps well;
drinks no liquor. He says he has no de
sire for it. He has grown fleshy. The
nuertritis is cured. He, soon alter the
treatment, got married, and is now the
father of three healthy children, and is
getting rich. He loves the influence. I
can point my finger at him and he is at
once under partial control. I never gave
him any medicine.
‘ ‘The various stages of hypnotism,from
conscious drowsiness to the fierce frenzy
of trance have many powers, all differ
ing in kind and curative degree. Hyp
notism is not as yet a ‘cure all.’ I have
often failed for vant of knowledge. The
forms of eliscase in which . I have suc
ceeded best are thtse functional disturb
ances of the brain, spinal cqrd, or sym
pathetic nervous system iu which the pa
tient is abuorraa'ly susceptible to exter
nal impression?, and with an impaired
power of wiil to resist their manifesta
tions. ly. operating with this dynamic
powe- you enter the temple of the Alost
High. Do not use it like the charlatan
and the mountebank for either show or
to satisfy a morbid curiosity, for you are
taking an immortal soul into your keep
ing!”
A Bird Boarding House.
Riding along Sixth avenue on a sur
face car the other day my attention wai
attracted by a sign which read: “Birds
Boarded Here.” Disembarking from
the car, I entered the establishment in
which the din of bird music was some
what distracting. A woman of middle
age seemed to be the presiding genius ol
the place, aud to her I addressed some
inquiries.
“Do you board birds here?”
“That's what the sign outside says,”
replied the woman dryly. ‘‘And you
cart sen for yourself wc hais't lacking for
canaries.”
“Alost of them belong to other people,
I suppose?”
“Yes, we only have of our own about
a dezon. You see, when folks go away
in the summer to the seaside or to -the
mountains and shut up their houses, they
have to get somebody to take care of
their birds while they are gone, and
they don’t like to carry the birds with
them. That’s the reason we're in this
business, sir. Aly husband—he’s sick
to-day with rheumatism—ho calls this
the Cunary Hotel.”
“How many feathered guests have
you now?”
“Well, wo have over four hundred.
Some of them belong -to pretty rich and
high-toned people, too. One of the
Vanderbilts, i don't know which one
patronizes us, and that bird there in that
blue-covered cage belongs to one of the
big guns of Wall street. Folks are so
particular about their birds. Some wants
us to feed their pets black seed and soma
wants white and others want it mixed,
One raan told us to give his bird a fresh
piece of cuttlefish every morning.
There’s a woman who would have tu
give her bird cold tea, instead of water,
which she said made it hoarse. And
then some people give their birds the
queerest names. Do you see that big
nocked canary who’s asleep on his perch!
Well, his name is Jack the Ripper. That
one over in the corner is called Alary.
This little beauty’s name is Kathleen
Mavourneen. The people she belongs
to have gone to Europe. Iu the back
room is a bird named Santa Claus—he’t
so old.”
“What are your charges?”
“Ob, that depends on how long w<
keep a bird and how much he eats and
how much care he is. We usually charge
frd*n $2 to sfi, sometimes $8 a month.
We have charged more than that to rich
folks that put on airs.” —Keio York Com
mercial Advertiser.
The Stealing of Charley ltoss.
Charley RO3S. a child in his fifth year,
and his brother Walter, about six years
old, the sons of Christian Iv. Ross, ol
Germantown, Penn., were playing on the
street on July 1, 1871, when two men
driving a buggy persuaded the two boys
to go with them. After driving
town for a while the older boy was sent
into a store to buy candy aud torpedoes.
While he was in there the men drove
away with Charley. After a few days
Mr. Ross received a letter demanding
$20,000 ransom for his son. A long
correspondence was kept up. Air. Ross
refused to pay the money unless the child
was delivered at the same time. He
spent more than $50,000 in tho efforts to
discover his child. After more than three
years two burglars were killed while
trying to burglarize the house of Judge
Van Brunt, of Bay Ridge, Long Island.
One died instantly, and the other, Doug
las, lived longenough to-tell that he and
his dead comrade had stolen Charley
Ross, but that the dead man was the only
one that could have told where the dead
child was concealed. \yalter Ross iden
tified, or thought he identified, the burg
lars as the child-stealers. Nothing more
definite was ever learned iu regard totha
boy. Chicago Herald.
An Emperor s Way of Hea ling News.
A number of officials are detailed to
make cuts every day for Emperor Will
iam from-tiie principal journals of Ber
lin, the Cologne Gazette, the Franklin
Journal, the Hamburg j Yews and several
other leading German papers. These
are pasted on long strips of paper with a
margin. The naflie of the paper and a
short sentence giving a synopsis of the
contents are written on this margia.
Subjects are grouped together. Only
what would surely interest the Empsrot
is thus j,resented Tne leading Paris
and London journals are treated like
wise. At times he just glances down au
article, at others he reads it attentively.
The synopsis not only tells what is
the subject but ia what spirit it is
treated. lie has no reader for this pur
pose. He is top impatient to listen.—
Picayune.
BUDGET OF FUN.
lIUMOxXOUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.
Rove vs. Patriotism—So Womanly—
Information Wanted Sad Ex
perience—Suiting the Action
to the Word—Etc., Etc.
The umpire stood with dauntless air,
And a most handsome man was he;
In the grand stand sat a maideu fair,
And susceptible, very, was she.
Fast fluttered her foolish young heart that
day.
Whenever his glance were turned her way,
And once to herself was heard to say,
“Ob, how I do wish I could mash him!”
But when that umpire of fearless mien
Decided against the home nine,
And fined our captain, with a smile serene,
A great big ten dollar fine,
Then awakenod that maid from love’s sweet
dream,
And there came in her eyes a wrathful gleam,
As she yelled in tones that were almost a
scream,
“Oh, how I wish some one would smash him!”
—Terre Haute Express.
SO WOMANLY.
“I never buy things not useful; though
1 do sometimes buy things I do not need.”
“I never do either; at least I always
find use for things I do not want."—
Argosy.
INFORMATION WANTED.
“Ah, sure, Bridget, if I should die I
wish ye’d have me leg cut open by the
dockthcrs. I'd jist like ter know fur
certain what give me so much trouble.”
— Argosy.
EDITING THE ACTION TO THE WORD.
“Get under that ball,” yelled the cap
tain, as the batter knocked a high fly to
center field. “All right!” replied the
fielder, running .forward and then stop
ping, “I under-stand.” —Harvard Lam
poon.
lil3 DESIRE GRATIFIED.
“Ah, love, I would like to listen to
you all night,” said Clarence, a3 he rose
to go.
Six months after they were married he
chanced to stop out fifteen minutes after
hi3 hour, and ho hnd his desire gratified.
— Statesman.
UNFORTUNATE.
Out of work.
“And haven’t you anything to do?”
“Not a thing.”
“Well, I just passed a shop where em
ployes of both sexes were called for.”
“That’s just my luck! I only belong
to one.” — Judge.
SAD EXPERIENCE.
Ciiolly (meditatively)—“By Jove! I
wish I knew what Kitty Keene wouldsay,
if I should ask her to marry me.”
Holly (with a tone of bitter reminis
cence) —“I could tell you what she said
to me when I did, if it wmuld help you
auy, old foliar I”— Puck.
IN THAT THEY ARE ADEPTS.
“In your experience with the Indians,
Mr. Trotter, have you discovered among
them auy artistic ability? ’
“Oh, yes, Mr. Mahlstiek; they have
no equals in drawing”
“You don’t say?’.’
“In drawing rations.”— Judge.
AN APPROPRIATE GIFT.
“To morrow is Bronson’s birthday. I
say, fellows, let's send him a phono
graph.”
“Do you think he'd like it!”
“Like it? Did you ever know of a
man who was fonder of heanug himself
talk than Bronson?”— The Epoch.
ST 11,1, GROUND FOR norE.
“But, Clara, what could you have
been thinking of, to engage yourself to
such an absent minded man?”
“I repent my word every minute, but
my hope is that when we get to the
church He will forget, and say ‘no,’ in
stead of.‘ves.’ ” — Fliegxnde Biaelter.
A TALE OF TWO LIARS.
Duval—“l have seen a diver who
stayed under water for half an hour.”
Dubois—“That is nothing. I have
seen one who stayed under for one hour.”
Duval—“Ah, well! I once saw a
woman plunge into the Mediterranean
and she has not come up yet.” —Paris
Figaro.
nE WAS FRIGHTENED.
“Oh, no, let's not go!’’ exclaimed the
little boy, as his nurse proposed going
on board a yacht, and then the youngster
burst into tears.
“Why, Willie, what in the world is
the matter?”
“I just h-h-hcard one m-m-man tell
another to set the s-s-spanker.”— Life.'
SO CHAKITV.
“May I take a kiss before I go, dear
est?” said George, as he prepared to de
part. ,
“lou may borrow one, George,” said
the charming Jennie, “but you must not
taketme, for mother has repeatedly cau
tioned me against giving kisses to any
one."
So George was obliged to borrow.—
Boston Courier.
UNSOLICITED TESTIMONIALS.
“If I am wakeful at night,” said the
author, “I always put myself to sleep by
following out, in my mind, the thread of
some one of my'stories from the begin
ning. Presently the incidents and char
acters become .confused, and the first
thing I know I am asleep.”
“That's a fact,” said the friend, ■en
thusiastically, “I can go to sleep over
any of ’em.” —Chicago Tribune.
NEVER.
Pokey--“I was surprised at what Col
onel Hookem just tcld me about his
latest fishing trip.”
Ilokey—“Pshaw! When you’ve
known the Colonel as long as I hire
you’ll nerver be surprised at anything ho
says.”
Pokey—“He says he got verv few
fish.”
llokey— ‘ • What!”— Detroit Free Press.
' #
NO NEWS.
“Does de razah hurt you?” asked the
barber in The uninterested, perfunctory
manner usual to him.
“Yes, it does, most decidedly,” was
the emphatic reply.
The remark brought no change in the
situation, and the man in the eluiirsaid:
“I told you that the razor hurt me.”
“Yes, sah,” was the mildly-spoken re
joinder, “free or foil oddah gemmen said
dc same t’ing terday.”— Washington Post.
UNDERSTOOD THE BUSINESS.
First Dude—“ How is it that you get
invitations to bails, parties, weddings
and like festivities?”
Second Dude—“lt is the simplest
thing in the world, my dear fellow.
When I suspect that any of my bigwig
acquaintances are going to give a blow
out, I tell them that I shall be out of
town. They imagine it is safe to invite
me. They do so, and lo and behold, I
bob serenely np. Strategy, my boy,
strategy!”— Texas Siftings.
HELPING HIM OUT.
The Young Man (argumentatively)—
“But don’t you see, Miss Bessie, that
when you reason in that way you are only
begging the question?”
The Young Woman (blushing bounti
fully)—“l am sure, Mr. Peduncle, I—l
didn’t intend to—to beg you to—to ask
me any question.”
[Sudden mustering up of courage on
the part of the bashful Mr. Peduncle and
agitated propounding of question Miss
Bessie had been waiting to hear.] — Chi
cago 'Tribune.
THE editor's DILEMMA.
First Subscriber—“l'm done with the
editor of the Bugle.’"
Second Subscriber—“So am I. What
did he do for you?”
f “I’m going out into the country for a
few weeks to live on a farm and reduce
expenses, and I hinted at the chump to
give me a complimentary notice to the
effect that I had gone to Saratoga, and
he never mentioned my name at all.
What did he do for you?”
“What did he do forme? He putin
his measly paper that I was going to
spend the summer at Saratoga, and my
creditors are just hounding me to death
in consequence of it.”— Texas Siftings.
ITOTTER STILL.
lie entered the Woodbridgc street
station shortly after dinner yesterday,
with a torn coat, bis back all dust and a
red lump on his forehead, and when asked
to state his case he began
“Last March I met an acquaintance on
llivcr street. It ryas raw and bius
try, and he said it looked as if spring
would never come. Says Ito him, says
I:
“ ‘Possess your soul with patience. # lt
is only a question of time.’
“I met him again in April. It was
cold and rainy, and he said he doubted
if wo should ever have warm weather.
Says I to him, says I:
“ ‘My friend, don’t blaspheme. Nature
knows what is for our best good.’
“I met him for the third time in Slay,
and he jumped up and down and swore
that it was to be twelve months winter.
Says I to him, says I
“ ‘The impetuosity of some men works
their ruin. Trust in Providence.’
1 'And just now I met him out here. Ho
had his coat and hat off and was sitting
on a box and panting like a dog. And I
went up to him and says, says 1:
“ ‘Are this hot ’null for you, and
didn’t I tell you so?’
“And the inconsistent, erratic, impetu
ous chump arose and knocked me down,
and I want him arrested.”— Detroit Free
Press.
THE TEST FAILED.
Chaptei I.—The summer day was
drawing to a close and it was time for
the picknickers to return home. They
had battled with abandoned mosquitoes,
fired stones and disguised expletives at
itinerant pigs, changed their camping
ground two or three times on aocount of
bumblebees’ ne3ts, sunburned their
nqsts, qnd caught one small mud-cat,
sixteen crawfish and one snapping-turtle.
The only tiling yet to be done was to
finish the contents of the lunch-baskets
and cat what remained of the ice-cream.
A little apart from the others sat, on a
buggy-cushion, Oliver Peduncle and the
young lady to whom ho had devoted
| himself during the day.
Chapter ll.—“ Maud,” he said a3 ho
brushed an ill bred country insect from
her dress and threw a sycamore chip at
an inquisitive half-grown pig that war
trying to be sociable. “I managed to
get this saucerful of ice-cream before it
was all gone.”
And he set it down on an inverted
bucket.
“There is more than I want, Oliver,”
she said. “We will eat it together.”
Oliver’s heart be,# wildly. With a
trembling hand he took two spoons from
the basket beside them, gave one to his
fair companion kept the other himself—
and waited.
Chapter lll.—The young lady opened
, the basket, took out another saucer,
i emptied half of the ice-cream into it,
j and proceeded leisurely to eat her por-
And then Oliver put his saucer down,
went off and sat on the bank of the
stream, and looked pensively over into
the marshes beyond,where the bull-frogs
were sounding the opening notes of then
overture.
| “It didn't work,” he said to himself,
; “I needn't hang around that girl any
longer.”
And the buggy in which Oliver and
Maud traveled homeward reached its
destination three hours ahead of any of
the otascs.— Chicago Tribune.
CURIOUS FACTS,
Old furniture still sells extremely
well.
1 The United States contains half tha
world’s railroad mileage.
• Fort Myers, Fla., has a pineapple
weighing six and one-half pounds.
A Japanese at Tokio has constructed a
kite twenty-seven by twenty-four feet.
Over twenty million segars are mauu.
facturcd every day in the United States.
A wren in East Bradford, Penn., built
a nest in the sleeve of a garment that had
been hung up in the yard to dry.
A Gainesville (Texas) boy, seventeen
years old, ate forty-eight bananas in an
hour on a wager, and then wanted more.
A white lobster was caught the other
day by a fisherman in Penobscot Bay,
Maine, and sold to a museum in Boston.
A citizen of Grand Rapid3, Jlich.,
named D. 8. Doornink, wears on hi3
watch chain a seal which has a record of
over 800 years.
Lendon,England, now boasts of a “So
ciety for the Promotion of Relaxation
from Business Care, and Enjoyment Dur
ing Luncheon Hours.”
Damaskenicg is producing upon steel
a blue tinge aud ornamental figures,
sometimes inlaid with gold and silver,
as in Damascus blades.
Elk Rapids, Mich., has a mammoth
pine tree iu which an eagle has nested
regularly for twenty-six successive years.
It is a bald-haaded bird.
Locusts are so numerous in some parts
of South Australia that they cause a con
tinual roar while filling, and the country
is being stripped of everything green by
the scourge.
The thickest octavo volume in the
world known is the latest edition of
Whittaker’s “Reference Catalogue of
English Literature.” This book weighs
twelve pounds and is eleven inches in
thickness.
At the celebration of the fiftieth anni
versary of the invention of the postage
stamp, held recently in England, a stamp
was shown worth SSOO. It was from the
British Guiana collection and showed a
rude postmark on pink paper.
A Gallitzin (Penn.), man recently
bought a pair of mules in Clearfield
County for $l4O, and discovered while
taking them home that one of them had
a plaster of pans hoof—the false work
coming off aud sticking iu the mud.
Old Peter, a well digger living in
Talbottom, Ga., was hired to cleanout
a well. AVlien he came out of the well
in the evening it was noticed that his
jet blafck hair had changed its color from
black to a bright yellow or golden shade.
The cause is unknown.
Money lenders in Italy used to display
the money they had to lend out on a
banco or bench. AVhen one of these
money-lenders was unable to continue
business his bench and counter was
broken up, and he himself was spoken
of as a bancorotto, i. e., a bankrupt.
In 1814, when the Thames at London,
England, was frozen, a printing estab
lishment was set up and many collectori
rejoice over a little volume entitled
“Frostiana; or, a History of the Rivei
Thames in a Frozen State. London:
Printed on the Ice in the River Thames,
1814.”
Thomaf Baldwin, the American areo
naut, and the first user of the parachute,
told a Denver (Col.) reporter the othei
day that within a few days he should at
tempt to cross the Atlantic in a balloon.
He is now under contract with a West
ern newspaper to make an aerial journey
of at least 1000 miles.
The grapple plant of the Kalahart
Desert is said to be a real vegetable cu
riosity. In its general appearance it
looks more like a starfish than a plant,
and each ray or arm is tipped with
barbs, which, when fastened to the wool
of sheep, have to be cut out, that beiug
the only way of removing them.
Saginaw, Mich., lias a family which
lives in a shed twelve by sixteen feet in
area. The family consists of father,
mother, three children, three horses,
two cows, two goats, six dogs, a flock of
pigeons and six cages of singing birds.
A bale of hay separates the so-called brute
portion of the family from the rest.
A A’oracions Pike.
A female pike weighing twenty-nine
pounds lias been found in the lake at
Ewhurst Park, Basingstoke, England,the
seat of Lord Alexander Russell. It had
apparently met its death in the vain at
tempt to swallow one of its own species
weighing nine pounds. The two fish, iu
the position in which they were found,
are being stuffed at AYinchester. Pike
have died in this manner before, and it
is doubtful whether or not these should
be regarded as -instances of voracity or
pure accidents. Pike, like many other
fish, frequently, do battle, and it has
been suggested that when two savage
fisli rush headlong at, one another the
smaller one might easily enter the jaws ol
the larger. Once in there would be no
getting out again, for the pike’s mouth
is lined with hundreds of sharp teeth
which, like those of the shark, poiflt
throatward. A3 an undoubted instance
of pikish voracity there is an unusually
well-authenticated record of a pike of two
pounds first swallowing a trout of one
pound, and shortly afterward, while the
tail of the trout was still in its throat,
seizing an artificial bait three and a half
inches in length. —Pall Mail Gazette.
The Emperor of Russia's Suite.
The Emperor of Russia's suite at
present consists of 173 persons, of whom
seventy-three arc general and seventy-six
extra aides-de-camp. To the suite be
long fifteen members of the Imperial
family, seventeen princes of not Imperial
birth, seventeen counts, nine barons and
IU other noblcmeu. Their nationali
ties are: One bundled and twenty-eight
Russians, thirty Geimans, six Fins, one
Pole, four Circassians, two Greeks and
two Roumanians.
Bonnets and hats no longer match
costumes.