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VOLUME 111.
BILL ARP.
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illS LECTI/RE AT THE IRONYILLE ACADE
MY NOVEMBER 281 H.
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He tells how Parents Toil for Their
Children, and Gives Some Good
Advice to Fathers and Mothers.
o
Our children have brought us together
on this pleasant occasion. Children keep
up a powerful commotion in this subioona
ry world. Most everybody is working
for them —and is working hard. They
are the innocent, unconscious cause, of
labor and toil, and brain work, and care,
and anxiety, and sometimes of little tricks
of trade, and even of cheating and swind
ling. Parents are desperately in earnest
about their children. What makes Na-
bor Munford pull his boots over his
pants and put his hands in liis pockets
and start out for the mill, or the cotton gin,
or the ore bank, so early these cold morn
ings, and as he goes along you can see
him thinking, thinking with his head
down and his eyes to the ground about
fifteen feet in front, and all his thoughts
are how to make a little more money to
lay up for the children. He out-general
led us all in getting this school house just
where he wanted it, and it was all for his
children. He didn’t want their dear little
feet to have to cross the creek or a branch,
and he wanted them so near home that if
another cyclone should come along they
could holler for papa and be heard. But
it is all right, and I don’t blame him, for it
is in the best place. What makes my
Nabor Bradley beat the sun to his cot
ton field every morning and struggle and
strive against cold, and heat, and drouth,
and crab grass, and hog cholera, and mean
niggers? What made him build on to his
comfortable house and buy new window
curtains and more furniture and strut
around like a patriarch before he gets old?
—the children are at the bottom of it. He
is working for them, and is proud of them,
and has a right to be. What makes Dr.
Battle ride so hard by day and by night,
and tote a big bag full of calomel, and
lobely, and quinine, and bread pills, and
all such, and make the poor patient be
lieve he is powerful sick, and keeps him
scared until the bill is as big as he can
pay, and then very kindly tells him get
well? Why you see the doctor lives so far
from our school house he has to pay board
for his children, and therefore it takes
more patients, and more doctoring, and
more physic to keep even. What makes
Nabor Freeman strain hi3 laud, and
run two farms, and trade in stock, and
run a threshing machine, and chew gum
instead of tobacco, and then say grace
over his supper with a clear conscience as
he looks lovingly upon his children? What
makes my Nabor Rowland work, and
toil, and strive, when there is a boil on his
arm as big as a turkey egg? What makes
my Nabor Lowry—l beg pardon, I
don’t know what does make him work so
hard. What makes me hurry up the cook
every morning and ring the bell and alarm
the household lor fear the little chaps
will be too late and get a bad mark in
their spelling? Mrs. Arp would give a
dollar to sleep another half hour, but she
too, makes a sacrifice for-the children*
Every night we have to stop reading, and
stop sewing, and stop talking, until we
have heard their lessons and Carl has
spoken his little speech “Not a drum was
heard, Not a funeral note,” and Jessie has
recited her verses. If there is any bigger
things than these I don’t know it, and it
keeps me trotting and travelling all over
the country peddling out fun and non
sense to the people at half-a-dollar a head.
Does anybody think I would work if I
had no children? Not much. I would
just sit down by Mrs. Arp all the day
long and let her scold me. Children are
a bigger power in the land than politics
or religion or money, but we never think
of it. Politics is office-seeking, and they
seek office to get money to support their
children and to educate them and set
them up in the world. There are fifteen
men after the Cartersville post office now,
and they all give the same excuse,for they
say they are poor and can hardly support
their families. Well, I wish there were
enough offices for all of them. I really
do, for they are all in a common struggle
—working for children. Folks don’t think
about getting very much religion and
joining the church until they marry and
settle down and have children. The chil
dren mellow them and make their hearts
tender, and enlarge their charity. Hence,
it is that those who have no children are
miserly and love money, for .the human
heart must love something, and if there
are no children then money is the next
thing.
I knew a Jew in Rome who was a reg
ular shy lock until he got married and
children were born to him, and he got to
be a liberal, charitable man, and was res
pected by everybody. He had very good
boys, but one of them, whose name was
Jonas, would sow his wild oats now and
then, and gave the old .man trouble. He
said to me one day, “Major, I does love
my shillun, I believe I "would die for my
shillun—that is, except Jonas.”
Sometimes I wish I was a boy again, or
a girl, or something, just to have a good
time and know it. I used to have a good
time but I didn’t know it. Then I want
ed to be a man and be free, and do as I
pleased. Well, I got to be a man, and just
as I was fixing to be free I got married,
and never got to be free at all, and my
wife says she aint free neither —we both
belong to one another, I reckon. I want
to be a boy again to enjoy good things. I
would give five hundred dollars if a gin-
CatievsttiUc
ger cake tasted as good to me now as it
did when I was a boy—when we get old
we don’t enjoy cakes, nor candy, nor goo
bers, nor chestnuts. We don’t enjoy
playing ball, nor marbles, nor going in a
washing, nor seining, nor rabbit hunting,
nor following the torch at night in pursuit
efthe wandering’possum. But there is
one thing left us that never fades—our
love for our children grows stronger as
we grow older, and if they behave well
and proper there is no comfort like it in
this subloonary world.
But the greatest anxiety about our chil
dren is to have them educated. This is
the highest ambition of the masses of our
people—not a collegiate education, but to
have the foundation laid for anything they
may aspire to. When a poor man has
given his children an education,even such
an one as this academy affords, he feels
like he has given him some capital that
cannot be taken away. Education is a
better capital than money. A poor boy
with a fair education is in a better condi
tion than a rich boy with none.
Money is a right good thing for any
body, but money is not everything. Mon
ey is a social apology for lack of brains, or
lack of education, but it is no apology for
lack of honesty or good principle. Money
enables a man to step up higher in socie
ty than he can do without it. Hence it is
that a rich man without education ranks
about the same as a poor man with edu
cation. Hence it is that lawyers and doc
tors and editors and teachers and preach
ers, however poor, rank as high as bank
ers and merchants, however rich. The
difference is that money may be lost but
education cannot be, and when an unedu
cated man loses his money he loses his
rank in society, and he must step down
and out.
But the value of a man’s money de
pends upon the manner by which he at
tains it. Shoddy fortunes don’t amount
to anything, or those obtained by lucky
speculation. They may shine for awhile
in fine carriages and splendid houses, but
they will not last. If the father does not
lose it, the children will spend it and leave
the world as poor as the father came into
it. A fortune gained in a year rarely ever
sticks to anybody. Even five years is
not secure, but one gained by the pursuit
of an honest calling for ten or fifteen years
brings with it that high social portion
which justly entitles a man to be called
one of the aristocracy. No man ought to
desire a fortune to come suddenly. It
would embarass him. A big pile of mon
ey will make a fool of anybody on short
acquaintance. It takes several years to
learn its best uses and to handle it with
becoming dignity. If a man never rode
in a phaton it takes him a good while to
get used to that. He doesn’t know what
to do with his hands or his feet, whether
to lean complacently back or cautiously
forward. If the phaton crosses a rise in
the street he doesn’t rise with it in graceful
undulations,but hump himself awkwardly
and imagines that everybody is observing
his embarassment.
Money making sense is very good sense,
but I know an uneducated young man
who had inherited a fortune, and when
he travelled to Washington City and saw
an ostrich egg in the museum he w r as
made to believe that it was laid by a
giraffe. There is a rich man in Atlanta
whom I’ve known since his boyhood,
when he plowed barefotted in a rocky
field over dewberry vines, and tread rafts
at ten dollars a month. He now swims
in luxury and wealth, but has very little
education. He took me through his new
and elegant mansion on Peachtree street.
He pointed out a beautiful piece of furni
ture in the dining room, and when I said
it was unique, he said no, it was a side
board. On another occasion he told me
that his wife was sick, and had a dreadful
pain in her face, and the doctor said it
was new ralogy, but he believed she had
an ulster in her nose. Well, the people
laugh at his blunders, but he doesn’t care,
for his money makes up for it, and he
knows it.
But still it is much better for poor folks
to have some education, enough to read
w r ell, and write well, and cipher well. It
makes them the better able to contend
with mankind in the trials and dealings
of lift —and it makes them happier, for
there is no pleasure in this life so cheap as
reading, and none more lasting.
But let me advise these children and
these young people to be careful what you
read. The world is full of books and pa
pers, but there is not one-tenth of them
that are fit to read. They are not good
food for the mind. The brain must have
healthy food just like the body, or it will
become diseased —we can’t live on pound
cake all the time. These trashy novel 3
and romances that fill up the book stores
are not good food, not many of them.
They draw extravagant pictures of life
that are not true—they poison the young
mind and cause young people to be long
ing for some big thing to happen that
will lift them up and make a heaven on
earth. A novel will tell about some soli
tary and gallant young man who was rid
ing a magnificent horse by the house where
a lovely young lady lived and suddenly
his horse got frightened and darted off tu
riously, and threw the young man, and he
was brought in, senseless and bleeding,
into the house, and the young lady nurs
ed him and dressed his awful wounds un
til he got well, and they fell in love with
each other and got married, and he took
her off to his beautiful home and they
were ever so happy. Well, I have known
young ladies to read fascinating ro-
mances until, they were not fit to keep
house nor help their mother, but lived a
kind of dreamy life and looked out of the
window forty times a day for some gallant
horseman to come galloping by and get
thrown. But he dident come, all the
same. Read books that will teach you
something, and books of travels and biog
raphy, and story books that are founded
on fact and are like home life and have &
good moral to them. And above all don t
forget that we are all born to w r ork, to
work with our hands as w'ell as our
heads—work is the law of our being, and
no man, however rich, can be happy
without work. A million dollars in the
bank won’t make a man’s food digest nor
keep his liver in order.
Hence it is that the average working
man is happier and more cheerful than
the rich. They sleep better and enjoy
their food. Years of observation have
convinced me that it is as great a misfor
tune to be very rich as it is to be very
poor. The middle classes are the hap
piest. Old Agur was right when he pray
ed “Oh Lord give me neither poverty nor
riches. Lest if Ibe rich I grow proud
I take the name of my Lord in vain—or
lest if 1 be poor I steal.”
CARTERSVILLE. (lUOnGIA. TUESDAY, DECEMBER 9, 1884.
_______ 7 * ;
THE SPEECHES
o
OF RANDALL AND IIEASEL AT ATLANTA’S
GREAT JI B!LEE.
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Pennsylvania's Noble Sons Delight and
Enthuse the Unterrifled and Jubi
lant Democracy of Georgia.
o
mr. randall’s remarks.
I feel the pleasure I have long ex
pected of a visit to the capital of Geor
gia, and a meeting with her people face
to face. But it is now a joy not unmixed
with sadness. While I have around me
the leaders of thought in this great state
—who make their impress upon the pub
lic mind everywhere throughout the un
ion—yet there are two men, representa
tive in the recent history of Georgia,who
are not present. Death has called away
Alexander H. Stephens and Ben Hill,
Their death is a reminder of the uncer
tainty of life, for my old friends with
whom I so often advised, often said
they hoped to welcome me to Georgia,
are present only in the reverential memi>
ry of well-spent lives and great fume.
They were men of heroic soul, and now
that they passed away, they have left us
a legacy of noble deeds we may all profit
ably imitate.
We have won a glorious victory, but
with the honors come a great responsi
bility. I believe the democratic party
will be fully equal to it; our guide will
be that emblazoned on the coat of arms
of Georgia, “The constitution, wisdom,
justice and moderation.” When Jeffer
son was inaugurated on the 4th of March,
1801, there was just as marked a revo
lution in politics. The principles he an
nounced were immortal and are as appli
cable now as when he first uttered them
in his inaugural address. “Equal and
exact justice to all men, of whatever
state or persuasion, religions or political
peace, commerce and honest friendship
with all nations—entangling alliances
with none: the support of the state gov
ernments in all their lights, as the most
competent administration for our domes
tic concerns, and the surest bulwarks
against anti-republican tendencies; the
preservation of the general government
in its whole constitutional vigor, sis the
sheet anchor of our peace at home and
safety abroad: * * * * economy
in the public expense, tbat labor may
be lightly burdeued; the honest payment
of our debts, and sacred perservation of
the public faith. Ours is the party of
the people and there is not a right of the
white man or colored that will not be
sacredly protected. It has always been
the party*bf personal freedom; of free
dom of speech, of freedom of the press
and of freedom of religion; the p?trty of
habeas corpus.
God has blessed Georgia with incalcu
lable possibilities. All that is needed is
industry to make them certainties. In
her thousand of square miles she has the
means of agriculture, manufactories and
commerce to make her foremost in the
markets of the world. She was the last
of the thirteen colonies that was settled
and she had to meet in the beginning the
restrictive policy of Great Britain, which
sought to make her the dependent of the
mother country in all her material ex
istence, but she broke from such re
straints and asserted her purpose then in
1750, as she does now, to live within her
own internal resources.
Burke has said: “The stock of mate
rials by which any nation is rendered
flourishing and prosperous are its indus
try, its knowledge or skill, it morals, its
execution of justice, its courage, the na
tional union in directing these flowers to
one point and making them all center in
the public benefit; other than these Ido
not know and scarcely can conceive any
means by whioh a community may
flourish.”
This is the aim, the purpose of the
democratic party—a noble one—and
frouglit with countless blessings.
I have often quoted the Austrian
Prime Minister, Mettemicli, whose di
plomacy was so potent in Napoleon’s
period, who said that true statesmanship
consisted in a knowledge of the resources
of a state. Let us acqure the knowledge
of such facts and make our laws in con
formity therewith.
Our political opponents in the recent
struggle advocated that a revision of our
tariff laws was a necessity. We of the
democratic party agreed thereto, but our
platform went further and pointed out
the manner in which such revision should
be made.
Time does not allow of an extended
discussion here on this subject and yet I
want to express the opinion that a more
intelligent and business-like utterance on
this vexed question never emanated from
a public gathering of representative men
in the United States, if I understand cor
rectly the meaning of words. We say;
The revenue to be raised should be limi
ted to that required for au economical
administration of the government, and
the amounts to be raised by a tariff for
this purpose shall be so levied on articles
imported, which come in competition
with all of our products as to eover the
difference in the cost abroad, and t’ e
cost in the United States resulted from a
unfavorable difference in thejvote of in
terest and the lower prices of labor in
Mr. Jefferson in his inaugural to con
gress in 1801, secommended that inter
nal taxes, the authoi’ization of which had
been placed upon the statute books dur
ing the administration of Washington
and the administration of Mr. Adams,
should be repealed, and they were re
pealed. Again when we had to resort to
the system of taxation to carry on the
war of 1812, within two years after the
battle of New Orleans, in 1817, all the
internal taxation which had been author
ized to - carry on the war was repealed;
and now this character of taxation, hav
ing continued for twenty years after the
close of our civil war, should be in like
manner repealed, as Mr. J effersou rec
ommended in 1801 and Mr. Monroe in
1817 in his message to first session of the
fifteenth congress.
The scenes that I have witnessed here
to-day have greatly impressed me, and I
only wish that our northern people could
have joined with me in seeing the hearty
acclaim which was given to every senti
ment uttered as to the national flag and
the union. I am sure they would at
onoe and forever pease to have any fear
as to the future purpose of the people of
the southern states, for I really think
they sincerely out do, if possible uic
northern people in their acclaims for our
common country. We should never
again have any effort to arouse a feeling
of bate from any exhibition of what is
known as the bloody shirt. The echo
that comes from the southern people in
answer to any such appeals to prejudice
and passion are embraced in a single sen
tence, no solid smith, no solid north, but
a solid union forever. [Great cheering.]
MR. HENSEL’S SPEECH.
Mr. Hensel said:
Gentlemen of Georgia: I bring to the
democracy of the state of Georgia the
.greetings of four hundred thousand dem
ocrats of Penasy 1 vania [cheers]whose ban
ner, though it lias sometimes drooped in
defeat, has never been stained by dis
grace. [Cheers] I come to you to-night
from the home and from the grave of the
last democratic president to mingle my
congratulations with yours and your peo
ple on the incoming of the next.
[Cheers.] On behalf of the democracy
of Pennsylvania, I return to you my
thanks and theirs for the royal reception
which you have given to Pennsylvania’s
favorite sou. [Great cheers.] I shall
go back to my people and tell them that
whilst we left it all quiet, along the Poto
tomac, we found it eveu quieter across
the banks of the Savannah. I shall tell
them, sirs, that up and down these
streets, and all through your valleys and
on the peaks of your very mountains I
saw floating the same flag on which the
sun of Pennsylvania Uses and sets.
[Great cheers. ] I shall tell them that I
saw that flag more generally displayed
and as universally respected on the
streets of Atlanta as it is on the streets of
Philadelphia, and I shall tell them that if
ever foreign foe strikes at that flag, a do
mestic insurrection assails the integrity
of this union we can appeal as successful
ly and confidently to the people of Geor
gia for its defense as we can to tlie peo
ple of Illinois and Massachusetts. [Great
cheering] I shall tell them, sirs, that I
found the rights of the wiiite man and of
the black man as much respected below
the mountains of Tennessee as they are
respected in the shadows of the moun
tains of Vermont or New Hampshire. I
shall tell them that on your banners liere
to-night I saw the promise that the solid
south is solid for equal laws, honest gov
ernment and a perpetual reunion.
[Cheers.] More than that I shall say to
them, no northerner lias a right, to ask,
and less than that I say to you by the
grace of God no southerner should eveu
take. [Cheers.] I shall say to them
when they ask me why it was that they
have about 300,000 voters in Georgia,
and as the Tribune said only 150,000
votes; I say I shall tell them that if the
balance of them had voted, the only dif
ference would have been the majority for
Cleveland and Hendricks would have
been 146,000 instead of 46,000. [Great
cheering and laughter.] I shall say to
them that I found here a generous and
law T abiding and patriotic people, a peo
ple who not only nourish good democrat
ic newspapers and good democratic gov-
ernors and good democratic senators, but
I shall tell them I found the people
proud of the fact that Georgia was one
of the original thirteen states of the uu
ion, proud of tlie statesmen she sent to
represent her, proud that the democrats
of Georgia and the democrats of Penn
sylvania never had reason [to blush for
their representatives in congress: proud
that they wrote no letters which they were
compelled to explain, and none to which
they were compelled to add the fatal
postscript, “Burn this.” [Great cheer
ing. ] I realize that I stand not only in
the city of Atlanta, not only in the state
of Georgia, but I stand here to-day liter
ally at tlie gateway and in the presence
of the south. The representative city
built up since tlie war, but a city which
cherishes the noble and the patriotic tra
ditions of more than a hundred years of
civic glory and civic greatness; a city
which is not only proud of her Howells,
and her Gladys, and her Colquitts, and
her Browns, and her Hills, but a com
monwealth that is proud of tlie glories of
James Jackson, who strangled the Yazoo
fraud and called the fire from heaven to
blot out the last record of the infamy.
She cherishes tlie noble memory of hon
est men. The democratic party won
this campaign because they nominated
for president an honest man. Stand by
him, my friends, and you will continue
to be as"you are to-day—tlie empire state
of the south, and Pennsylvania will be
proud in the campaign of 1888 to come
into tlie democratic line and ask permis
sion t march side by side with Georgia,
in the front rank of the victorious democ
racy. [Great cheering.]
foreign "countries, thus incidentally pro
tecting the capital invested and the la
bor employed in tlie United States. Up
on this declaration of purpose every in
telligent and patriotic democrat can
stand, and our country go forward to its
yet greater destiny in store for our peo
ple.
I have never asserted that there ex
isted the constitutional right to enact a
tariff upon the ground of protection for
the sake of proteotion, for that would be
manifestly in the interest of class legisla
tion, and as such legislation favored one
class at the expense of another, I have
uniformly opposed it. But I have al
ways, in adjusting tlie duties to be levied
upon imports, claimed that they should
be so levied—as they liave been levied
in the past—to give adequate protection
to every American industry, and to pre
vent any undue injury to the labor of the
country" Ido not believe that free trade
as a practical issue, will be presented in
this country during the lifetime of those
I address, for I am sure the necessary
amount of revenue for an economical ad
ministration of the government to be
collected from imported duties will be so
large as to give that incidental protec
tion which is considered desirable. lam
free to assert that the entire amount of
duties to be collected as a permanent
mode of rawing revenue should be
through tariff laws. Believing this, I
am free to say at the earliest practical
moment I desire that the present inter
nal system of taxation should be repealed.
First, because I believe it is not necessa
ry if the government is to be economi
cally administered, and second, I believe
that this mode of taxation is not accepta
ble to the American people.
The original power to levy such taxes
was inserted in the constitution by those
who framed it, after great doubt and
much discussion, and it w'as generally
agreed, as the discussion in the conven
tion showed, that it should not be exer
cised except because of the urgent ne
cessities of war, and it has not been so
exercised.
T-im nr A nl>g !\
mi v>
o
REMARKS TO IHE DEPARTING ANIMALS
OF THE REPI BLICAN PARTY.
o
He Tells Them of the Sentence That
Has Been Passed Upon Them by
the American People.
The reign is ne irlv over, tlie clouds
break. Streams of sunshiue play up
on the hilltops, the waters of the flood
are abating, and, on the 4th of next
March, the Ark may l>e expected to
reach Ararat and begin to unload.
Whether the a: i nals will march out, or
roll out, or tumble out, or fly out, like a
swarm of angry hornets; or whether the
old vessel will be careened, so as to spill
them all in one promiscuous lump, are
tilings which j don’t seem to cure. Suf
ficient unto me is the fact that they will
go hence, and the places that now know
them will know them no more.
When Satan left the skies and started
on bis down grade excursion, John Mil
ton, who was present, took his valedicto
ry observation in short hand, and “fare
well heaven” will be repeated and em
phasised as the farewell address of the
out-bound throng, for these animals, like
those of Esop have speech and under
standing. Sad is the fate of this friend
less, shelterless, shivering gang. No
more can they huddle together in sweet
communion, comfortably “pigging
heads and tails.” No more can the
strong walls and the imbricated roof of
the ark protect them from frowning skies
and angry elements. No more can a
surfeit of corn, out of the public commis
sariat, be crammed and crowded into
their craving stomachs.
Scattered, disbanded, disintegrated,
disentangled, disunited and dismissed,
they go forth to inhale the foul, loath
some stench of rottenness and corruption,
left by the subsidence of the reign.
And some will roam the land and some
will climb trees and some will burrow in
the ground and many—dreadful thought
—many 7 will feed upon the husks that
the swine do eat. And there will be
mourning and lamentation and weeping
and wailing and gnashing of teeth and
smashing of gums, world without end.
And oh! how tlie animals will hunger
for the flesh pots they have left and pine
for the joys they have tasted and curse
the land they have cursed!
But the stern duty of this melancholy
occasion is to kiss my hand and with a
few melting words, waft them a Bweet
“bye-bye.”
Animals, adieu. Your beloved coun
try has sot square down on yon. You
go forth lonesome, dejected, deserted.
You are marked with the necessary crops
and underbits to show you have the
mark of Cain.
Victims of Adversity, football, of Fate
children of Misfortune, heed my few and
earnest words of motherly admonition.
Don’t grieve over spilt milk or waste un
necessary regrets because you were not
permitted to milk the cow dry. The de
cree is against you, and what can’t be
cured must be endured. You are
obliged to stand it; you are obliged to
to grin and bear it. Unfilial murmurs at
the decision of your country, will be fruit
less and improper. Animals, be strong
in this hour of gloom and calamity.
Keep stiff necks and stiff upper-lips, and
store your gizzards with a plentiful sup
ply of sand. Go to work and earn your
livings by the perspiration of your own,
sweat. Get new homes and new con
sciences and multiply and replenish a
breed of good characters. Let your
morals be better than your immorals,
and your conduct better than your mis
conduct.
When ordered to inarch don’t grumble
and pout and pull back, but move for
ward, head up and tail tantamount, and
stand not upon the order of your going.
Your road will be rough, but console
yourselves with the recollection that it is
a rough set who are to travel it.
Horrors inexpressible chill my soul as
I take in the perspective. From this
great ark, whose dimensions embrace the
country, methinks I witness at every
point your solemn and melancholy event.
Fat and full as you go jostling out, your
protruding stomachs stand forth like
mounds erected to mark and hallow the
last resting place of a long line of plumed
knights of the poultry yard. Panting,
blubbering, “breathing out threatenings
and vengence,” I seem to behold you as
you toddle along—going, going, gone.
Torch lights are exchanged for funeral
tapers. Pandemonium wears crape and
the exodus of your throng is the genesis
of a political millenuium.
Animals, once more adieu, your time
is at hand. Eat, drink and be merry, for
to-morrow you git.
And whether you go, and how you’ll fare,
Nobody’ll know and nobody’ll care.
A PHENOMENAL JOURNAL.
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land, and is credited with a circulation of
over 100,000 copies. It is an eight-page,
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more than 1,000 original illustrations and
: cartoons. Its good stories and humorous
; sketches are unexcelled. The publishers,
desirous of increasing its already
*re offering extraordina
beiut, sub
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ry inducements to subscribers, r
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KIT WARREN'S EPISTLE
Wkirh Telleth of the Political Hilienuioin.
Forasmuch as the millennium, which
was prophesied by them of olden time,
hath come to pass, it seemeth meet for me,
who am a witness thereof, to write con
cerning the same, which happened in this
wise:
There dwelt aforetime, in the land of
Washington, the sons of Mammon, and
likewise the Levites, which minister at
the altar.
And there was strife between tlie sons
of Mammon and the Levites, and all the
people joined either the one or the other.
And the children of Mammon prevailed,
and lo! they get hold on the high places of
tlie land and made themselves rulers
thereof.
And behold, when the children of Mam
mon ruled, sin abounded and wickedness
prevailed the land, even unto
the borders thereof.
And the money changers polluted the
temple, and of the children of Mammon
there was none that doeth good—no, not
one.
And the people lifted up their eyes and
beheld the wickedness of the Mammon
ites ; how that they polluted the earth
and did evil in the sight of all mankind.
And the people opened their mouths
and cried out with a loud voice, saying:
“Away with the Mammonites, which
eat up our substance, and for a pretense
railing accusations against the land over
shadowing the Ethiopians!
“They be Mars and hypocrites. Away
with them!
“Lo! we will call Grover, a just man
and a Levite to rule over us.”
Now, in those days there dwelt in the
mountain country of that land one James,
surnamed Blaine, who claimed to be some
great somebody.
And James was a Mammonite of the
most strictest sect who walked in all the
statutes and ordinances of the Mammon
ites, blameful.
And James opened his mouth and spake
to the people in these words, saying:
Ye know not what ye do. Ye are blind
leaders of the blind.
Verily, verily I say unto you, the chil
dren of Mammon be the salt of the earth,
and the Princes of the house of your Un
cle Samuel.
And behold thy servant, a Mammonite
indeed, in whom there is no guile. Make
me, I pray thee, a ruler over the people.
And behold, I will make the crooked
paths straight, and where sin has abound
ed,righteousness shall much more abound;
For my fan is in my hand and I will
thoroughly purge my'floor.
And the face of James was fair to look
upon, and the words of his mouth were
sweeter than honey and the honey comb.
And James wot not that the good peo
ple knew of the things he had aforetime
done, and now that he wes corrupt from
the crown of his head even to the sole of
his foot, and had done evil continually all
the days of his life.
And James confidently believed the
people would call him to rule over them.
But -when all these things "were noised
abroad the people came with a great shout
and made Grover their ruler.
And in the year 1885, and on the fourth
day of the third month of that year, Gro
ver became the ruler of the people in the
land of Washington.
And many turned out to see him become
the ruler of the people, and 10, many were
turned out thereafter.
Yea, many were changed in the twink
ling of an eye, and the changing was done
after the manner of the show man.
For the said Grover opened his mouth
and spoke, saying: Orum, scorum, hi
catolorum, veto, presto change, and behold
the seals were broke and the boxes w T ere
opened, and lo! the globular, round-bellied
Mammonites were gone and Levites in
the stead thereof.
Then the Millennium set in, and the
houses were cleaned and garnished, and
the deserts and waste places became
blooming gardens, and the hills laughed,
and the little hills rejoiced, and happiness
prevailed and pleasure abounded and
gladness reighed and Justice and Mercy
kissed each other.
And behold the harvests were abundant
and the land yielded, some thirty, some
sixty and some an hundred fold.
And peace dwelt in all the borders of
the land and abode with the people, for
the rascals were turned out.
And they that were grinding at the
mill ground nat any more, and they that
were on the house tops came tumbling
down, and behold the ox that treadeth out
the corn w r as muzzled.
And the children of the tribe of Mam
mon called on the mountains to fall on
them and hide them from the wrath to
come.
And behold the lamentations of the
children of Mammon were heard in all the
land, even from the rivers to the ends of
the rivers.
NUMBER 32.
BILL UYE.
o
WHY HE ABANDONED THE N6BLEST OF
PROFFESSIO\S.
o
BEAT An * < s*'<tched Away by
His Only Client is
Death and Bill is Forced to Drop
into Another Eusiness.
A dear friend in Pennsylvania writes
me that he has learned casually that some
years ago I was a member of the legal
profession, and he asks me to state if 1
will, publicly, whether that is true, and,
if so, why 1 abandoned the profession.
It is true that I did practice law in the
west, for a short time, in a very quiet kind
of a way. Alter a few months, how ever,
I abandoned my lucrative practice to ac
cept the portfolio of the Laramie City post
office. During my brief, but tempestuous
career as an attorney, I paid out $125 for
rent, and drew out a chattel mortgage,
which I was never paid for, as near as I
am able to judge.
My principal reason, however, for aban
doning the profession was the sudden
death of my client. When a young law
yer has assiduously sat and looked out of
his office window for two months and a
client comes in and shows signs of in
trusting actual business to him, there
springs up at once between the two a
warm friendship. Such was the case
w ith me. A middle-aged gentleman came
into my office one day, and said he had
been referred to me by a party in town,
and asked me if I had leisure to attend to
him. I said that I would lay aside all
other matters and attend to him at once if
he wished. lie said it would be a great
accommodation if I would allow my other
clients to accumulate in the hall for a few
minutes, and in the meantime do the bus
iness that w r as on his mind. He had asked
Charlie Kitchen, at the Tlioresburg house,
to give him the name of some poor young
lawyer, and Kitchen had told him that I
wras about the poorest lawyer he knew of,
so he had come right to me.
I saw at once that he wras a shrewd bus
iness man, and 1 did all I could to please
him. He wras delighted with the prompt
ness with which 1 had done the work, and
said he would have more for me to do very
soon, as he had purchased the controlling
interest in anew silver mine over at Jelm
mountain. On the strength of this revival
in trade, I went down town and bought
half a ton of coal.
I then opened a set of double entry
books, w hich 1 still retain, and which are
almost as good as new. 1 had just got
my new r client fairly on the books, when
he was killed by falling down a shaft a
distance of two hundred feet in a perpen
dicular direction. I then said that the
practice of the law' was invested with too
much sorrow and sadness for me. I could
not endure the constant sum e ing of
pleasant, friendly ties which an active
practice demanded. I sold my revised
statutes to a new' notary public at Last
Chance and gave my other law book to a
warm personal friend. Having thus dis
posed of my library, I retired from the
practice of my profession by taking down
my tin sign and nailing it to the front
door of the pest house at the close of a
beautiful summer day. There is nothing
that will dam up the flood of professional
businses so quickly as a course like this—
if you have a flood to dam and wish to
have it dammed quickly—but enough of
that. A young lawyer may be ever so
popular and overworked; no matter, he
can remove his library to the smallpox
hospital and in a week he will have all
the physical relaxation and intellectual re
pose he wrants.
So like the swift flight of a brilliant me
teor across a black sky,l hastened through
the heavens, lighting up the wide realms
of space and then disappeared forever.
With thousands of other people to select
from, death sought out the only client I
ever had and gathered him in. With a
world full of the aged and the sick, to say
nothing of Chinamen and Indians not
taxed, the grim reaper stuck his sickle into
a man in whom I felt a wonderful interest.
No one knows who has not seen his sole
client cut down before his face, the great
sorrow that settles dow r n upon the heart
at such a time. How lonely my office
seemed after that. How still it seemed. I
could not endure it. lat once abandoned
the profession to its fate.
Contrary to my fears, how T ever, it soon
rallied. Young blood entered into the
practice, and in three months after I had
turned the key in my office door one w'ould
hardly notice that so recently a bright light
in the legal profession had been squelch
ed, and a clarion voice that had always
rung out for eternal justice and equity, at
so much per equity, had ceased to vibrate.
I wras a clear-headed and cool,but ab
normally conservative, attorney. I was
not only conservative in my practice, but
in my gross receipts. I saw at once that
I could not afford to pay S4O per month
rent and depend upon a book account of
$2.50 to offset it. While I may say that
I was passionately fond of the study and
the practice of law', I felt most keenly the
ostracism and the depressing isolation
W'hich it seemed to engender.
Poisoned by a Norse.
Some eight years ago I was inoculated
with poison by a nurse who infected my
babe with blood taint. The little child
lingered along until it was about two
years old, when its little life was yielded
up to the fearful poison. For six long
years I have suffered untold misery. I
was covered with sores and ulcers from
head to foot, and in my great extremity
I prayed to die. No language can ex
press my feelings cf woe during those
long six years. I bad the best medical
treatment. Several physicians success
ively treated me, but all to no purpose.
The mercury and potash seemed to add
fuel to the awful flame w’hieh was de
vouring me. About three months ago I
was advised by friends who had seen
w T onderfui cures made by it, to take
Swift’s Specific. We got two bottles,
and I felt hope again revive in my breast
—hope for health and happiness again.
But alas! w T e had spent so much for med
ical treatment that we were too poor to
buy. Oh! the agony of that moment!
Health and happiness within your reach,
but too poor to grasp it. I applied, how
ever, to those who were able and williug
to help me, and I have t >ken Swift’s
Specific, and am now sound and well
and sound once more. Swift’s Specific
is the best blood purifier in the world,
and is the greatest blessing of the age.
Mrs. T. W. Lee, Greenville, Ala.
Treatise on Blood and Skin Diseases
mailed free.
The SwnFT Specific Cos.,
Atlanta, Ga.