Newspaper Page Text
FROM SHEER HABIT.
Miss Muffitt had recently joined the
"Band of Sisters for Befriending Burg
lars,” and was being shown over a
prison for the first time. .
One prisoner, evidently a man of
education, interested her more than
the others. He rbse and bowed to her
when she entered his cell, apologizing
for the poorness of his apartments.
Miss MUffitt could'not help wonder
ing how this refined man came within
the clutches of the law. In fact, as
she was leaving the cell, she said:
‘‘May 1 ask why you are in this dis-'
tressing place?”
. "Madam," ho replied, “I gun here fpr
robbery at a seaside hotel.”
“How very interesting!” saui Miss
Muffitt. “Were you er—the proprie
tor?”—-Answers. 1 ■: • : jj.,7 ,
t"T H
Hi# Catling Gdne.
Beck—See that jtatU-ered looking
chap over there?
Call—Uh huh!, ' c. -.
“Well, he used to be one of ; the
most prosperous cartoonists iff the
land.”
'
“What-happened to him?. .Lqst his
talent,”..
“Mo. but his specialty was making
grotesque drawings of women’s fash
ions, and uow the styles have sur
passed his pictures-’ ’ 7
‘ i > 1 :1
A Sensible Patient.
The Doctor—J-from the looks of you,
my good fellow, T’hi afraid you have
j»ppendicitis. Let me have'your pulse.
The operation will cost you—let rrte
see —let me see—
The Patient—Hold up a minute.
Doc. Get the pulse first and tell me
the damages afterward. I’m the fel
low to be dperated upon in this par
ticular case, and I want the diagnosis
to be attended with as little excite
ment as possible.
MUST BE.
“Most old maids are usually thin.”
“Well, a woman with sharp elbows
can make her way through the world
■without the assistance of a man.”
Maybe You Know a Few.
Some men, too, are up and doing,
With no heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
‘Cause they labor—and don't wait!
Forebodings.
“Dat boy," said Uncle jßasbury, "is
so lazy that he ain’ never g’ineter git
to heaven.”
“Why, he doesn't seem to be doing
any harm.”
“No. But he’ll never climb no gold
en stairs. He’ll jes’ sit around an’
wait I'oh an elevator an’ finally start
de other way 'cause de goin’s easier.”
A Fault.
“These rooms,” said the visitor,
loking around at the badly streaked
walls, “would never suit iny wife, who.
is very proper.” ' J
■'What’s, tilt; matter they wuuldiUt;
suit a proper person?” indignantly de
manded the janitor.
“Because I notice they are rather off
color.”
Unsafe.
“I am just wondering whether it
would be safe to propose to that girl
I have been going with?"
VI don't think it would.”
'‘What makes you think she would
turn me down?”
"I don't. I think she would snap
yon up.”
Something He Can't Talk About.
•‘Has ihe count committed himself
♦ el. daughter?”
•‘No, father, but he has looked unut
terable things.”
•‘Umph! If that’s the case, his debts
jnust be preying on his mind more
than 1 thought they did.”
As a Reward.
“Be a good boy,” said auntie, the
militant. *
"And what then?” demanded the
youngster.
"Auntie will take you downtown and
let you see her throw a brick through
a window.”
A Cinch.
“I understand Whipple has adopted
a political career.”
"It was the other way about. A po
litical machine adopted Whipple and
cow his career is assured.”
NO PEACE.
Jpg?.wp
Visitor —You seem to be always
having tpouh.lf jn this town.
Native—Why, friend. : fibere’sl no
brand of trouble that, we haven't had
at one time Of another in this town.
‘ * •' 1• - *— i i r>„. ?
Strange.
I've never known a sailor bold
Who didn't seem to be
So fresh yonlfi; thfck'.he'd sailed
t’pon the salty sea.
Blissful Ignorance.
A story in the Berliner lllustrirte
Zeitung describes another instance
where “ignorance is bliss.”
A man went.,to a judge and asked
whether he .cpuld bring suit for slan
der against a man who had called him
a rhinoceros.
“Why, certainly-,” said the judge;
“When did he call you that?”
“About three years ago.”
"Three years, ago!. And you only
start suit today P*
“But, vour honor, yesterday I saw
a rhinoceros for the first time.”
Cause and Effect.
“It is very curious to me,” said
Slithers, “what a musical voice Mrs.
Brighteyes has. and yet whenever she
speaks in French it is hard and rasp
ing—almost metallic.”
“Oh. that's only natural!” said Bin
go. “You see, Mrs. Brighteyes learned
French by phonograph, and she has
mistaken the imperfections of the rec
ords for accent.” —Judge.
Critical.
‘The natural refinement pi the fem
inine character cannot be wholly sub
dued,” said one Ixmdon policeman.
“Quite,so,” replied the other. “What
| has happened now?”
“A militant suffragette has turned a
bomb.into police headquarters. It was
a perfectly good bomb, but she didn’t
approve of the hand-painted decora
tions.”
Always In It.
Mr. Fuss (furiously)—lt’s mighty
strange you can’t look after things a
little better! Here I want to shave
and there isn’t a drop of hot water
here.
Mrs. Fuss (icily)—lt is strange!
W’hy, that’s' the one thing I've never
been out of since I married you!
Judge
The Only Way.
“That artist, who went into the
Maine woods naked, and proved that
modern man was the equal of primi
tive man, by living there for two
months, must at least have saved
money.”
“If he wanted to save money he
should have sent his family into the
woods.”
TRUE PHILANTHROPY.
“Say. pop, what is philanthropy?”
“The feeling which we sometimes j
have when we see some one very bad
ly off that prompts us to ask some one
else to relieve the unfortunate one's j
distress.” . j
t . ■- r r j j >• - * - *
Salable Stuff.
] not write to win applause
Or pat her bays.
] simply iiea! in verse because
. .
Encouraging an Author.
Manuscript Reader Here is a man
uscript from some writer I never
heard of.
Great Magazine Editor —V eli, no use
discouraging the poor fellow. M< k
it around the floor so it will loo;-, as
if it had been carefully read and send
it back .
COFFEE COUNTY PROGRESS, DOVE FAS, UEORLI A.
WOMAN IN
BAD CONDITION
.
Restored To Health by Lydia
E. Pinkham’s Vegeta
ble Compound.
Montpelier, Vt. “We have great
faith in your remedies. I was very ir-
H regular and was
tired and sleepy all
the time, would have
cold chills, and my
hands and feet would
bloat. My stomach
bothered me, I had
pain in my side and
a had headache most
of the time. Lydia
E. Pinkham’s Vege
table Compound ha
done me lots of good
and I now feel fine. lam regular, my
stomach is better and my pains have all
left me. You can my name if you
| like, I am proud of /what your reme
: dies have done for me.’’—Mrs. Mary
Gauthier, 21 Ridge St., Montpelier, Vt
An Honest Dependable Medicine
It must be admitted by every fair
minded, intelligent person, that a medi
cine could not live and grow in popularity
; for nearly forty years, and to-day hold
| a record fop thousands, upon thousands
| of actual cures, as ha 3 Lydia E. Pink
ham’s Vegetable Compound, without
possessing great virtue and actual
worth. Such medicines must be looked
upon and termed both standard and
dependable by every thinking person.
If you have the slightest doubt
that Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vegeta
ble Compound will help you, write
to Lydia E.Pinkham Medicine Co.
(confidential) Lynn, Mass.,for ad
vice. Your letter will he opened,
read and answered by a woman,
and held in strict confidence.
Natural Quality.
“What a ringing voice that girl
has!”
“Doubtless it is because she is such
i a belle,”
ENDS DYSPEPSIA,
INDIGESTION. GAS
“Pape's Diapepsin” cures sick,
sour stomachs in five minutes
—Time It!
“Really does” put bad stomachs in
order—“really does” overcome indiges
tion, dyspepsia, gas, heartburn and
sourness in five minutes —that —just
that —makes Pape's Diapepsin the lar
gest selling stomach regulator in the
world. If what you eat ferments into
stubborn lumps, you belch gas and
eructate sour, undigested food and
acid; head is dizzy and aches; breath
foul; tongue coated; your insides filled
with bile and indigestible waste, re
member the moment "Pape’s Diapep
sin” comes in contact with the stomach
all such distress vanishes. It’s truly
astonishing—almost marvelous, and
the joy is its harmlessness.
A large fifty-cent case of Pape's Dia
pepsin will give you a hundred dollars’
worth of satisfaction.
It's worth its weight in gold to men
and women who can’t get their stom
achs regulated. It belongs in your
home —should always be kept handy
in case of a sick, sour, upset stomach
during the day or at night. It's the
quickest, surest and most harmless
stomach doctor in the world.—Adv.
Knew What Would Happen.
Lovely weather, isn’t it? A lady
whom we know went to see the doctor
I yesterday.
“Well, how are you today?” said the
physician cheerfully.
“Well, doctor.” she replied, “the
j cold 1 caught Tuesday is a little bet
ter. thanks to your prescription. But
; the one I caught Thursday is much
worse. The thing I called to see you
for, however, is the severe cold I
"taught last night.”
The doctor sat dowVi and wrote a
long line of hieroglyphics.
“Here,” he said, “is something for
the-one" you catch this evening with
tjfcat- V-neck a»d those skimp skirts.
(•< I fti rm i n
.t ■ - * -r. - i / .
Important to" Mothers
Examine carefully every bottle of
CASTOBIA, a safe and sure remedy for
infants- and, children, ond -see that It
Peart the*' f , ,
Signature of
In Use For Over 30 Years.
Children Cry for Fletcher’s Castoria
! 1 tn R.shfi’Ti
Activities elf Women. --
Washington has a school for serv
ants.
I,ondon has a club for professional
women. aU m«
Nyrth Dakota has a woman deputy
sheriff.
Twenty women are in the Finnish
■a > 1 ia nont.
IV Anna Shaw says that either
Jane Addarns, Mrs. Carrie Chapman
Catt or Mrs. Joseph Powen would
make a better president of the United
States -than any of the Republicans,
TYraocrats nr Whigs that have, so far
-'Counted the chair.
Death Lurks In A Weak Heart
If Yours Is fluttering or weak, use RENOVINE.” Made by Van Vleel-Mansfield Drug Co., Memphis, Tenn. Prlos »UX>
RUB-MY-TISM
Will cure your Rheumatism and all
kinds of aches and pains—Neuralgia,
Cramps, Colic, Sprains, Bruises, Cuts,
Old Sores. Burns, etc. Antiseptic
Anodyne. Price 25c. — Adv.
Queer Human Nature.
“People are funny*”
“How now?”
“In this Van Million divorce suit
they divided $25,000,000 amicably and
they scrapped about the custody of a
pug dog."
Only One ‘‘BROMO QUININE”
That IS LAXATIVK BROMO QUININB. Look for
the signature or K W (.HoVB Cures a Cold in One
Pay, Cures Grip in Two Oujs. 25c.
Living Up to Theory.
“He never spanks his son. does lie2.”i.
"No, he’s an efficiency crank.”
"What's that got 'o do with it .”'
“He says the u’pVahti “stroke-is lost)
motion.” —HoustQU^Po^t,
-lit ■'. t 1? - -f. • f tri
—:rrl r 7 ■ Aj / .
ABtoniuhlnp; Tobacco Kcnicdy -- Guaranteed
to instantiy remove taste for cigarettes or tobacco
in any form, or money fretiinrtiM. Semi
36c and receive wpiutorfil'l tengedy by 1 ; return jitfii*
Address Deak K. Tobacco #!♦., Wldhlii, k aunt* - A Ur.
Doubtful.
“Now they say that aleb'hol causes
deafness.”
“Maybe so. I never knew anybody
to fail to hear an invitation to drink.”
Dr. Pppry’s Vermifuge “Dead Shot” kills
and expels Worms Ip a very few hours.
Adv.
Nimble-Footed,
The preacher was a young man and
nervous, but ihteresting. He was mak
ing an eloquent plea for the home life,
and was descanting eloquently on the
evils of the club, telling his congre
gation that married men in particular
should spend their evenings at home
with their wives and child fen'.
“Think, my hearers,” said he, "of a
poor, neglected wife, all alone in the
great, dreary house, rocking the cra
dle of her sleeping baby with one foot
and wiping away the tears with the
other!”
SAGE TEA DARKENS GRAY
HAIR TO ANY SHADE. TRY IT!
Keep Your Locks Youthful, Dark,
Glossy and Thick With Common
Garden Sage and Sulphur.
When you darken .your hair with
Sage Tea and Sulphur, no one can
tell, because it’s done so naturally, so
evenly. Preparing this mixture,
though, at home is mussy and trouble
some. For 50 cents you can buy at
any drug store the ready-to-use tonic
called "Wyeth’s Sage and Sulphur
Hair Remedy.” You just dampen a
sponge oi' soft brush with it and
draw this through your hair, taking
one small strand at a time. By morn
ing all gray hair disappears, and, after
another application or two, your hair
becomes beautifully darkened, glossy
and luxuriant. You will also dis
cover dandruff is gone and hair has
stopped falling.
Gray, faded hair, though no dis
grace, is a sign of old age, and as we
all desire a youthful and attractive ap
pearance, get busy at once with Wy
eth’s Sage and Sulphur and look years
younger.—Adv.
It's awfully hard for a girl with a j
pretty ankle to keep her shoe laces j
tied.
Probably a spinster remains a Miss
because she was unable to make a hit. !
—Weak Heart -vv
m x -:
Many people suffer from weak hearts. They
may experience shortness of breath on exertion,
pain over the heart, or dizzy feelings, oppressed breathing t
after meals or their eyes become blurred, the heart is not
sufficiently strong to pump blood to the extremities, and
they have cold hands ana feet, or poor appetite because of weakened
blood supply to the stomach. A heart tonic and alterative should be taken which ban
no bad after-effect. Such ia
Dr, Pierce’s Golden Medical Discovery
which contains no dangerous narcotics or aicobol.
It helps the human system in the constant manufacture of rich, red blood. It
helps the stomach to assimilate or take up the proper elements from the food .thereby
helping digestion and curing dyspepsia, heart-bum and many uncomfortable symp
toms, stops excessive tissue waste in convalescence from fevers; for the run
down, anaemic, thin-blooded people, the “Discovery" is refreshing and vitalizing.
In liiratd or tobUt form at moot Jruf store* or eon d SO onm-ewr t
stamp* for trial box to Dr.Plarca’t Invalid*’ Hotel, Buffalo, N. Y.
JRead Chapter VII on Circulatory Organs in the “Medical Adviser*—A French doth- I
bound book of 1003 Rages sent on receiot of 31 one-eent stamps, address as above. LJ
Paw Knows Everything,
Willie- -)Pa{w t 'i\ha/t is a piece de.fe-.:.
sislance? f \
Paw—A : steak after your mother
gels through frying it, my sort.
Maw—You go to bed, Willie.
! COLDS & LaGRIPPE
5 or 6 doses 6fef> will bra-a'k any case
of Chills & Fever, Colds & IviGrippe;
it the liver better than Cak>-
niel aed does not B?ipe or si^keiii.
S’ 1 " if tfe XI
Advantage of Education.
“If a man is naturally bad, do you
think that education would make him
- bettwy*---"
"Maybe not; bat. it would help to
keep him out of jail.”
Wright's Indian Vegetable Pills put
j the stomach In good dondition in a
| short time. Try them for Sick Stom
; ach. Biliousness and Indigestion. Adv.
I
Ever notice that the girl with a
; broken heart always manages to save
a few of the pieces?
, ..;' !; j 5 r ' rf m y
Much the Best
for This Climate!
The French Market Roast and Blend Make It
Essentially a Southern Coffee
Great Travelers and Explorers
agree that the food and drink peculiar
to the country where it 2s used should
always be adopted in that country.
French Market Coffee is the coffee
of the coffee-producing countries,
where climate most nearly corresponds
to that of our Southern States.
It is therefore, much better suited
for Southern consumption as regards
food value, etc., than coffees roasted
. , for other climates.
This accounts for the marvelous
' success of French Market Coffee;
,aijd why it is called the National
t>rink of the South.
Formerly it could only be had at
the old French Market, where the
bhgoffeS^
WHY HOT BUY THE
lUSMjp. BEST MACHINERY ?
woom:i*F< i ‘s SaW Mill’.*
art the best
FAKyUIIAR CORNISH BOILERS are the best’steamers, SAW MILt
rx FARQUHAR THRESHERS are the best grain
SBM| KEEVK.fl S GASOLINE ENGINES are simple and
fa JJrltoF We manufacture WOODRUFF machinery and are
southern johhers for Farqtlhar machinery nml Reeves rYjr'TrTK
si v gasoline engines. VVo want an opportunity to figure ir /
zy with you. Write for catalogue and get prices and ” JagßHßSEgSsjt;
save money by buying direct from manufacturers.
SIiISfILK BILL WOODRUFF MACHINERY MF6. CO . Branchbftcr. Atlanta. Ga .Winder. Ga. RUITItB «i*aoi.w* riRUSB
It Would Be Apparent.
Mrs. Bleecher (upstairs)—Bridget,
have you turned the gas on in the
parlor, as I told you?
The new domestic jewel- —Yls,
mum; can't ye smell it?
Putnam Fadeless Dyes are the
brightest and fastest. Adv.
Waste of Powder.
A man who had never been duck
hunting shot at a duck in the air.
The duck fell dead to the ground.
“Well, you got him!” exclaimed
the amateur's friend.
“Yes,” replied the amateur, “but 1
might as well have saved my am
munition the fall would have killed
him.”
The Cough is what hurts, but the tickle is
to blame. Dean's Mentholated Cough Drops
stop the tickle—sc at good Druggists.
Very Near It.
Sonny—Pa, what is a split infini
tive?
Pa—Something like this, Alabama
ought to love Mobile.
Particular.
Visitor—Are you the scrub woman?
Scrub Woman —No, sir; I’m the
floor laundress.
Rub MUSTEROLE on
Tha! Sore, Tight Chest!
Try this clean, white, soothing oint
ment. See how quickly it brings relief.
MUSTEROLE does
all that the old-fash
ioned mustard plaster
used to do in the days
of our grandmoth's.-s,
but it does ' & Without
the blister l /
i Dqctors ifind nurses
"frankly recommend
MUSTEROLE for Sore Throat, Bron
chitis, Croup, Stiff Neck, Asthma,
Neuralgia, Congestion, Pleurisy,
Rheumatism, Lumbago, Pains and
Aches of the Back or Joints, Sprains,
BhmmH If not sold by your druggist, will be sent by Parcels Post
on receipt of price. Arthur Peter & Co., Louisville, Ky.
quaint old stalls were crowded with
the most brilliant society of tho
South, drawn together to enjoy the
matchless coffee known nowhere
else in America.
Now by the establishment of the
French Market Mills with the special
machinery necessary, this wonderful
old blend is preserved for their de
scendants.
The invention of perfectly-sealed
tins allows shipment all over the
United Stator, without'loss of fresh
ness and flavor.
Try it once upon- your own table
and see if anyone of your fatuity •
would be willing to use again the
ordinary kiAdS of 'coffee*
French Market Coffee is
NoW The Motional Drin~k_
of the South
French Market Mills
(New Orleans Coffer Co., Lid-, Proprietor*)
NEW ORLEANS
,in < . ■ ■; •'/ ' i H ffi ;
DIRECTION? —We recommend that you
make Front b Mnrttef Coffee in your usual
way. If you, fiptF, it toq strong, reduce
‘quantify until strength aM flnvoram sdtfs
lactory. french (Market makes more cups
of good coffee to ’the pound than ottfer '•
bracUn.- thereby redoing your coffee bill, ,
Constipation
Vanishes Forever
Prompt Relief—Permanent Cure
CARTER’S LITTLE
LIVER PILLS never
: fail. Purely vegeta- -f>
ble —act surely <£®iHMP/lDTrn'c
but gently on J
the liver. W JTLE
Stop after iIVER
dinner dis- HPII^S.
tress -cure ** IIIB I
improve the complexion, brighten the eyes.
SMALL PILL, SMALL DOSE, SMALL PRICE.
Genuine must bear Signature
| __—■ —- - -
Enpp FOUR
H&■ k SPARK
a Lt PLUGS
with every complete
re & Tube Purchased
price list and particulars.
I Tire & Rubber Co.
vdwiiy, New York City
RHAIR R BALBAM
\SjjR A toilet preparation of merit.
HI Help* to eradleate dandruff.
Ijfil For Restoring Color and
dxsHffßeauty toGray or Faded Hair.
ftOc. apd >I.OO at Druggists.
§TjpnPQV TREATED.usually gives quick
HIlUr UI relief .soon removes swelling
A short breath, often gives entire relief
ln’lsto‘2f>days. Trial treatmen tsent Free
Dr. THOMAS E. GREEN. Successor to
Dr. H. H. Greens Sons, Box 0, Atlanta, Ga.
Wealth Acquired: How?
offer of recognised valoe. A repi;«B?ntative of oj>-
riaht character wanted In yon r community. Dofoofr
-Belf Justice and grasp t hin OpportcVity - . Write in*-
IliOdUkUfiy U, COC.falAf' JBAKBI.R to., Box *76,•«10tu0, fix
\(.r VI S - n. ft it is Cafry fh f>ocke.t*
house, office, f yerypiar e Repeat
plf. Jfwfili >lilh«.( o M (IDBilvvy., Bayntme,N.X
Atlanta Directory
\ VICTROLAS AND GRAFONOLAS
I r |.l Complete stock of Victor ar.d Cb-
ln »nt>in Records! I. M, BAMECO..
'tSSvfSa 64 Peachtree St. Wrftc/qr catalogs
K I,J ___
W. N. U., ATLANTA, NO. 5-1914:.'
Sore Muscles, Bruises, Chilblains,
Frosted Feet —Colds of the Chest {H
prevents Pneumonia).
At your druggist’s, in 25c and 50c
jars, and a special large hospital size
for $2 JO.
Accept no substitute. If your di;ugy
mi
Musterole, has saved my life. I was troSxM
for years with Asthma. Pleurisy and tilußa
troubles. I could gain no relief whatever J J
used but a small amount of your truly remark 1
able remedy, and today I am a
man in consequence. It is a Godsend to
suffering humanity. Refer to me All l&tetl
gladly answered.'' «Af
/ i 9
gist cannot supply you,
send 25c or 50c ta,tfc»
MUSTEROLE Co&i
■■ -» •. et
pany, Cleveland, Ottif)*
and we will mail yhil A
jar, postage prepaid.
1
Puof. J. C. Bvd r.
South Lynne, Conn., says;
“Your truly good rei£ea^