Below is the OCR text representation for this newspapers page.

A SLATER’S FEAT. I Sta rtiing Antics on Top of a High J f Steeple In England. A slater employed to put slates oil a high steeple In an English town gave a few reul thrills to people who weTe \ : I if / \ /,'>' ///.'S ■ /'. I’EIiKOIiMING ON A STIIEFTiE. watching him below. When he had finished his perilous task he proceeded to go through some evolutions that terrified the beholders when perform ed so far above their heads. He con ' .eluded them without uccident. The Religious East. The fact is that the oriental races are fundamentally religious and that the mainspring of their lives is their religion, whereas in modern Europe people have succeeded in dividing their lives into religious and secular depart ments.—London Post. A Stammering Proposal. A man who is noted for his perfect self possession and polished manner? tells (his story on himself: He bought a ring for his best girl. When lie gave it to her he Intended to say: “Dearest, here is a ring I have bought to adorn your fair hand. May the circle be a symbol of my undying affection for Vm." What he did say was: "11-hore’s a ring I bought for myself, and it was t-too small. Y-you t-tuke it.” G R EAT OFFERS r ■'■ <A/A THE JACKSONIAN CLUBBING LIST Jacksonian and JOURNAL $1.25 wm*ui mmmmmmmmm/mmmmmmmammmmm ■ Jacksonian and Constitution 1.50 i^ s /TTn V./ V * -w v —NpMBs-' , tv orm.\Jt\x%H GREAT OFFERS. SAW THE MOTOR FIRST. It Was a Great Curiosity to the Farmer's Family. It was the turn of the motor car tourist, and he told tills story: “I was oil tlie way to a small town about thirty miles distant and had stopped for luncheon in a little village. At the same table in the small hotel sat a countryman, a red handkerchief around his neck and his slouch hat oa the floor beside his chair. “ ‘How far is It to Billvllle?’ I asked of him. “The man to whom I addressed the question looked credulous. ‘“Don’t you know?’ he replied. “I admitted my Ignorance of the country and its distances. “ -it’s about twenty-five miles,’ he said. “ ‘What’s the best road to take?’ “The man laid down his knife and fork, and a smile passed over his face as he looked at me in silence; then his face took on a look of indecision, which at length was succeeded by a look of satisfied determination. •“Don’t you know?’ he asked by way of reassurance. “I again admitted my Ignorance. “ ‘l’ll show you,’ he said, and from Ids pocket he drew a pencil and an old envelope. Then lie drew a diagram of the route I was to follow to reach the town for which I had sot out in my motor car. No sooner had lie delivered me the diagram and the instructions as to how many miles I was to go this way and that than he picked up bis hat and suddenly left the table. I could not account at that time for ills quick departure, but an explanation came to me later. After eating lunch eon leisurely and smoking a cigar, which consumed about an hour of my time, I climbed into my machine and resumed my journey. “For five mile? I followed the coun tryman's diagram and tlieu came to a piece of road that was atrocious. For two miles I climbed over bowlders aud stumps and in aud out of ruts and gui leys. At last I saw ahead a little house in the edge of the woods. I was sure that I was off the regular road, aud I made for the house to ask for my bear ings. Imagine my surprise upou draw irg up in front of the house to find my friend the countryman, Ida wife and his children out iu the road to meet me. ah 10-Mu .A the machine v, ith wondrous eyes, and the smallest child hung to his mother’s skirts and cried from fright. The other children fled to the house aud peeked out the window. My. friend who had been so kind in drawing the diagram aud giving direc tions said: “ ‘Neighbor, I most run my horse to death io get here afore you did. 1 wanted my old woman and the kids to l>e sure and see one of them critters. They never seen one afore. I’s much obliged to you, hut if you wont to get to Billville you'll have to pull hack two miles to the road where you turned la and go straight ahead.’ ’’—Kansas City Star. A Faith Cure. Foud Mother—Are you feeling better now, darling? Small Boy—Yes, funk you. mummy. Nullin’ like a bun for a headache. A big bun. Little ones are no good.— Punch. Beggared. Mult.v Millions, Jr.—My father left me with next to nothing, my deali, and it will have to be love In a cottage, ye know. She—llow large is the cottage, Mul ty? Multy Millions, ,Tr.—Well—or—t! ore's only something like -like IJO rooms, a stable and eleven motor cars.—Chicago News. How Mean Is Grammar. “Mother, can I ha re another slice of pie?” ‘‘Yes, dear, you can." “Well, may i?" "No. dear, yon may not.” “Mother, ain't grammar an awful mean thing?"—Judge. Like a Peaca Ccrnreoc. “Only two months have passed since their marriage, but yesterday they quarreled ferociously." they tiaio.t canra t* Waurr over the question of how to obviate unpleas antness at home.’’—ll Riso. A Parting Shot. “Professor,” said a senior, trying; tJ® be pathetic at parting; “B am indebted, to you for all I know.” “Pray don’t mention such a tri.iS*.’*' was the reply.—Punch Bowl. Her Only Interest. The papers fifi with lines that thrill. Yes, headlines flaming hot, ) That tell of scrape and great mishaps* But Betty reads them not, For naught she cares for bulls and teaesj And how the trusts may spat, But all the while she hunts the styles ti Of this year’s Easter hat. —Chicago Now*.’ J THE MAJOR’S TOAST, It Turns Out to Ee a Roast, Tha-nks to. Mrs. Spiikar. Major Spilker Is a little man, very, fat, very genial and with a head as de void of hair as a porcelain doorknob, i His wife, Mrs. Algitlia Spilker, is.! scrawny, sarcastic and deaf. A. person could kick a tiu bathtub down the back steps all night, aud Mrs. Spilker would snore like a brass horn in bliss ful ignorance of the noise, which proves, that she is rather deaf. There are two things in Urn world otr which Mrs. Spilker is very fond—a, party and her husband. She never fa!,lit to accept an invitation to one or to car ry the other with her. Not long ago they attended a birth day party, and the ma jor was dowu to propose the health (if “The bahte3.” Being very fond of children, it was thought that this to*st would jusst suit the major. Unfortunately for Major Spilker and the assembled geests, he changed his toast to “The ladies” without warning, his wife of the fact, who, of course, thought her husband would confuse himself to the toast of the little ones.. “Now, Major Spilker,” said Mrs. Barker, the hostess, as the dinner ad vanced, “it is your turn to give your toast, and pray say something compli mentary to our sex.” “When my charming hostess,” said the major, rising, “requests me to do a thing it is my duty to obey. There fore I take pleasure in drinking the health of the ladies. The ladies cherish us in prosperity, soothe us in adversity and by their tender miuisterings light en the burden of life. I drink to the lac”::.” When the applause subsided Mrs. Spilker, ignorant of the true subject of the toast, but glowing with pride and admiration, said: “Oh, Mrs. Barker, you don’t know how fond the major is of them. I have seen him have two or three on his lap at once, and’’— “Algitha!” gasped the major. —“Just teasing the life out of the poor, dear things. He is such a favor ite with them, and every chance he gets be is sure to have them in his a nr. aor b“ out ping with them. He’s got the lovlugcst nature of any man i ever saw, and somehow they come to him when they won’t to any one else.” Major Spilker fell back in his chair with a groan.—Tit-Bits. A False Alarm. Village Dame—Ah. I do thir.k as gen tlefolk don't know wimt trouble be. There’s my darter now. just lost the last one o’ seven, she 'ave. a, .‘ter all the trouble she’ve took wi' ’em, feeuin’ ’em on the best. But ’twere no use. They've died one after t’ other. Squire—Dear, dear! I’d no idea your daughter had had so many children. Dame—Children! I be talkin' o’ pigs! —Punch. What Wc Eat. A food inspector in Manchester, N. 11., found one lot of beef and pork in a butcher’s stall that was rather ques tionable. He called in the owner of the place. “Look here,” ho said, “what is your opinion of this meat?” The butcher looked it over. "1 had forgotten all about that,” he said. “It is pretty old stock.” ‘Veil, what is your opinio a of it?” “Mv opi said tha btcker slow ly, “is that it is unfit for human food, Lur It migl t do for sausage.”—Worn > an's lion:? _'jjipanion. Comparison. “And you compare the muftis of llockefelier to that of Shakaspoare?" “Certain:;,-." answered tha college professor. “Shakespoara nruat hava been a mighty good buaiuaaa man to mak# a| fe 3iß wt : To. Do Tfeur Job Work. — lll 11 ' 1 1 1 .-annm tsw.ni-,r, 8I ,Tr*- ■■■ ■■ MMiw —hi hi We Guarantee To Flease is IfeTastidious^ M I k.urwnHauavia mmjbmhv „ It will wi P~ TO ADVERTISE lN THE Jacksonian, '-‘k-Sk ■'•a. Vi. -Jk'•■*>. r-l (*--<**.-**. _ SW*EH*fflr B E GAU S EjWWWEBBfcI THE PEOPLE: REM) ST. SOUTHERN RAILWAY OFFERS UWEXCSLEBD SEBVHJE NORTH, SOUTH, EAST ®TwEST. For rates, routes and scbedxiks or angv other formation, address, 0,8, PETTIT, Trav. Pass. Agga| Msooo At ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] The Kind You Have Always Bought, and which has been iut use for over SO years, has born© the signature of ~ aad has been made under his per ' sonal supervision sine© its infancy, * Allow no one to deceive yon in this. All Counterfeits, Imitations anti <,a Js are hut Experiments that trifle with and endanger th© health of j Infants and Children—lispcrXchlc© against, lisperiment., , .-** What is CASTOR IA Castoria is a harmless substitute for- Castor Oil, Pare goric, Drops and Soothing- Syrups, It is Pleasant. It contains neither Opium, Morphine nor other Narcotic substance. Its age is its guarantee. It destroys "Worms and allays Feverishness. It cures Diarrhoea and Wind Colic. It relieves Teething Troubles, cures Constipation and Flatulency. It assimilates the Pood, regulates the \ Stomach and Bowels, giving healthy and natural sleep* j < The Children’s Pahacea—The JMothcr’s Friend. , GENUINE CASTORIA ALWAYS He Kind Yon Maie Always Bought 5n Use For Over 80 Years. THE CENTAUR COMPANY. T 7 MURRAY WTHECT, Ui!W YORK MT Subscribe ior The Jacksonian, $1