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W. F. SMITH, Publisher. VOLUME IX. MOTHER'S BOTS. Yes, I know then* are stains on my carpet, - Th* h ' ace * oj muddy boots; And I ms youi’ £tfj tapestry glowing, And spotless vtife flowers and fruits. And I know that my wails are disfigured With prints of small fingers and hands; And that your own household most truly In immaculate purity stands. And I know that my parlor is littered With many old treasures and toys, While your own is in daintiest order, Unharmed by the presence of boys. And I know that my room is invaded Quite boldly all hours of the day; TVhile you sit in yours unmolested And dream the soft quiet away. Yes, I know there are four little bedsides Where I must stand watchful each night. While you go out in your carriage, And flash in your dresses so bright. Now, t think I'm a neat little woman; And I like my house orderly, too; And Fat fond of all dainty belongings, Yet would not change places with you. No! keep your fair tome with its order, Its freedom from bother and noise; And keep your own fanciful leisure, But give mo my lour splendid boys. THE ECCENTRIC BA CIIELOR. F was a living specimen of the typical old bachelor, a personage more often met with in the pages of fiction than in real life ; lean and sharp visaged of aspect, crusty and cynical of temper, lie was, moreover, an avowed oddity; one of the privileged class who, by vir tue of this reputation, can do what oth ers dare not without exciting surprise or giving offense ; whose eccentricities are met with a shrug of the Bhoulder and the remark, “What else can you expect of an oddity ITko me ?” Ho was an unpopular man, receiving scant sympathy; yet capable, neverthe less, of kind and generous acts, per formed on the condition that they were to be kopt strictly secret and that ho was never to bo thanked for them. Woo betide the recipient of a favor to whom it was brought home that he had men tioned the same to any one, or extolled the kindness of his benefactor 1 The unlucky wight onco ‘detected in thus giviug vent to liis gratitude had taker the surest method of cutting himself off from further help. He never got an other chance. Our old bachelor enjoying, as we have said, tlio privileges of eccentricity, it excited no surprise when, on one occa sion, after an absence from home, he w v ot.e to inform his servants—an old couple who had lived with him for years —that ho would be accompanied a widow lady, who was likely to make a long stay in his house, and for whom apartments were to be got ready. “And a pretty upset she’ll make!” exclaimed the dismayed old housekeep er. “A fussy, miudle-aged party, no doubt, ordering and interfering and wanting to have everything her own way; which she won’t get, John, as long as you and I can prevent her. She’ll be a clevor madam if she gets her foot inside of my store-room while there’s locks and bolts to keep her out, I can tell her 1” “ Don’t you make so sure,” said John. The old man could not resist now and then teasing his helpmate as a little set off against sundry naggings on the part of that good old lady. “ Maybe it’s a mistress of the house and of yourself that’s coming to it. Them widders are great at wheedling. It’s time, if the master is ever to marry, that—” “Ah, stop your croaking now 1” cried Mrs. John. This dire suggestion was too overpowering for her feelings. The appointed day arrived, and when the cab to the door, the two old domestics, with very sour faces and their backs very much up, went to receive their master and his unwelcome gaest. Their first glimpse of the latter showed them that they might have spared their fears and hostile intentions. Out from the cab, befor* their astonished eyes, sprang a girlish figure, whose bright, happy face contrasted curiously with her mourning garments. “Mind the step, uncle !” (“Oh, his niece, she is !”) she cried, tripping up to the hall door. ** Don’t trouble, please,” with a smile to the old house keeper ; “ that bag is too heavy for you to take ; I’ll carry it.” And when the stranger came down to breakfast next morning with a morsel of a cap perched on the top of her golden braids of hair (“not my idea of a wid ow’s cap,” said the dame to her hus band ; “ and would yon believe it, John, away like a bird wliile she was dressing!”) she looked absurdly young; more like a girl in her teens than an ex perienced, “settled” matron. The advent of his pretty niece made BonJfe change in the habits cf the old gentleman. He had friends at dinner more frequently than of yore ; and, in ggg to Industrial Intend;, the Diffusion ol Troth, the Establishment of Jnstiee, and the Preserratioo of a People’s Government addition to the elderly fogies that formed his usual society, younger guests were invited, suited to the years of his visitor. With great amusement her uncle ob served the attraction her comeliness and winning ways were for these. “ Swarm ing round—like flies about a honey-pot! Scenting, I dare say, a fat jointure. All widows are supposed to be rich, and iust because she is a widow, and for no other reason, making up to her, the fools ! This to himself with a cynical chuckle. Aloud; “Nice little woman, sir, that niece of mine. Plenty of good looks, but hasn’t a sixpence— not a sixpence to bless herself with.” It was wonderful how the old house was brightened up by the presence of its blithe young inmate. But by no one was its pleasant influence more felt than by the domestics, who had vowed such hostility before her arrival. The old woman especially was devoted to her ; loving her for her own sake as well as for the kindly help and good offices she was always receiving from the deft and willing hands of the young girl. In the store-room—that sacred retreat which her foot was never to in vade—the latter was to be found on “ company days ” busy and happy as a beo; with sleeves tucked half way up her plump arms, her heavy crape skirts stowed away under one of the old lady’s capacious holland aprons, and lappets pinned high over her head, while, laugh- < ing merrily at the queer figure she made of herself, she worked away at the cakes and sweets, taking a world of trouble off tho poor housekeeper’s hands. “And so thoughtful she is, and gay; bless her,” liis wife would tell old John. “She’ll come tripping up to me, and ‘Now', do as you’re bid,’ slieTl say play fully, forcing me down into my big chair. ‘Sit dow r n and rest, there’s an old dear, and take your tea. I’m not going to let you do a turn more.’ And then she’ll work away, her tongue going all the time as fast as her fingers; run ning on aboufr her mother and her home, her flow r ers and pets, dogs and birds, and wdiat not, but never a word about husband or married days. And if I touch upon them, or ask a question, she’ll get quite silent and strange-like in a minute, and turn off the subject as if it burned her. Perhaps for all she’s so merry on the outside she’s fretting for him that’s gone, and can’t a-bear to talk of him.” “ Nothing of the sort!” cried old John. “Don’t you go to think such stuff. Slic’d take a husband to-morrow; mark my words. And it’s my opiifton there’s a young gentleman comes to this house that has a fairish chance. He’s desper ate sweet upon her. I haven’t eyes in my head for nothing, and I see plain she doesn’t dislike him, or hold herself up distant from him, as she does from others.” Old John was right. Matters were in due time so satisfactorily settled between the young couple that an appeal to the uncle was deemed expedient. The old gentleman received the announcement with a half-pleased, half-satirical grim ace. “ Ha, I thought so!” he muttered. “But are you aware, my friend, that there is no money in the case? The lady hasn't a sixpence, and—” “I know it.” indignantly interrupted the suitor. “ Toil have made that re mark before. I want no fortune with my wife, my own being my love—” “Oh, spare your rapture, young sir. Not so fast! Don’t be too sure of the prize; for when you hear what I have to tell you there may be perhaps a change in your views. I have no time to go into the matter now; come to-morrow and hear what will surprise you ; ” and the old gentleman went off, nodding back —malevolently tho lover fancied— over his shoulder, ar.d leaving the poor fellow in a state of most uncomfortable suspense and uncertainty. What could this dark hint mean ? and why was he not to make sure ? Could it be possible there was any doubt, any mys eery as to the demise of the beloved one’s husband? He could not help calling to mind her confused and singu lar manner at times ; a certain want of frankness ; an evident embarrassment at any allusion to the past. The possibil ity of an obstacle made the young man realize, as he had not before done, how deeply his affections were engaged. He spent a miserable night, awaiting in vain conjectures and sleepless anxiety the tidings which the morrow might bring forth. In order to explain matters it will be necessary to go back for some months previous to the arrival of the young lady at her uncle’s house, as well as to change the scene from it to a country cottage in a remote part of England—the home of INDIAN SPRINGS, GEORGIA. the widowed sister of the eccen trio bach elor. In it we find him pacing up and down the small drawing room and lis tening to the querulous complaints that its occupant, a confirmed invalid, is ut tering from the sofa on which she lies. 1 1 think but little of my bodily suffer ings,” she is saying; “they cannot now last long. Every day I feel more plain ly that the end is not far off, and my doctor tells me the same. The distress of mind that torments me is what is so hard to bear. ” “ And what may this be about, if I might ask ? ” “ The future of my child when I am gone. All I have, as you know, dies with me. She will be penniless, and the thought of what is to become of her, cast on the world without a home, haunts me night and day. It is too dreadful! ” “A girl—and young—and not bad looking. Where’s the fear? Somebody ’ll marry her. Men are such fools ! ” The sick woman could not forbear a smile. “All, but there are no men, no fools here ! In this remote corner we see no one, and the poor child, taken up with nursing me and tied to a sick-room, has made no acquaintances. It is killing me to see her young life sacrificed and to think of the future.” Tlie mother’s tears began to flow. Her hearer, never very amiably in clined toward the weaker sex, or at case in its company, increased liis quarter deck pacings in much discomfiture as these symptoms of “ water-works turned on ” became apparent. His hurried steps soon subsided, however, to a steady march np and down the little drawing-room, while, with frowning brow 7 and occasional chuckles, he seemed to be concocting some scheme. After a few minutes he came to a sudden halt before tlie invalid’s sofa. “Can tlie girl act ?” he asked abruptly. “Act? How do you mean? I—” “ Oh, you needn’t look frightened, I’m not going to propose sending her to the Gaiety or the Criterion.” “Well, except in the little make believe plays and dressings-up that chil dren delight in—all children are, I think, actors born. ” (“ Ay, and men and women too,” growled the cynic^—“ex cept that sort of thing she has never seen or had any opportunity of acting. Why do you ask ? ” And in reply her brother unfolded the plan he had been concocting—namely, that his niece, laying aside her “frip pery and her trinkets and other girl’s nonsense,” was to put on the mourning garb and act the part of a widow, in W'iiicli assumed character she was to come to stay with him in his London home. “ But I don’t understand”— “And you’re not wanted to under stand,” he snarled. “It’s my whim; and it may be for the girl’s advantage, If she’s willing, and can hold her tongue, I’ll come back for her when she’s ready. And I’ll pay for her outfit. Crape and weepers! Ho, ho, ho! ” When her first surprise at her uncle’s strange proposition was over, the young girl jumped eagerly at the prospect of a change from the dull home she never yet had left. She was young and spirited; at an age when love of variety and a longing to see the world and plunge into its unknown delights are natural. The playing the widow she thought would be excellent fun. There was a spice of adventure in it, and it would be like the private theatricals and acting charades she had read of and im agined so pleasant. The old gentleman s reason for wishing her to do so was a puzzle; but then who could wonder at anything he did t absurd oddity that he was! Perhaps it wasjto avoid having to provide a chaperon for her; he hated ladies so, and elderly ones especially. The result of the scheme we have seen ; and the scheme itself was what its originator proceeded to divulge to the would-be husband when that individual presented himself with considerable mis giving and agitation on the appointed morning. “ As the lady has not turned out to be what you took her for, is not, in fact, a widow, perhaps the whole matter may be off A disappointment, no doubt,” wound up the uncle with one of his grim chuckles; “ but ’twas only right to tell you in time. Young man, if you can pardon the deceit, take her.” “ Well,” exclaimed the young mar> to his fiancee, when all things were cleared up and satisfactorily arranged, and the engaged pair were talking over the queer circumstance that brought them together, “ I always knew your uncle was eccen tric, but this surpasses anything I could have imagined of him,” HOW MM MARKED MIS PROMOTION The chief clerk of a French merchant received an invitation to a masked ball at his employer’s, and was the envy of his comrades. It was considered a mark of very great favof, and was looked upon as a sign that he would soon be offered a place in the firm itself. Besolved to do all he could to make the occasion a success, he spent a good deal of time and considerable money in devising and making his masquerade costume, which, after loug deliberation, he resolved should be that of a monkey. Then he spent a week learning a number of tricks —grinning, clambering on the chimney, springing over the bed, balancing him self on the back of a chair. The evening came. He rang the bell, hung his over coat into the servant’s arms, and, with a grin and chatter, turned a somersault under the chandelier. The gentlemen stood stupefied, the ladies screamed. His mask prevented him from seeing much, but the noise encouraged him to bound over a sofa and throw down a cabinet of old china. At this moment a hand seized him, tore off his mask, and the voice of his employer asked him what he meant by his infernal conduct. Before he could explain he was hustled out of the house, learning by one glimpse that the rest of the company were in evening dress. The next day he was sent for, and entered the office with trembling knees. “ I had the pleasure of a visit from you last evening, ” said the gentleman. “Yes, sir—that is—l —” “No excuses, ” said the other, ‘* no excuses—l have raised your salary. I noticed you were overlooked for promo tion last year. Good morning; shut the door after you.” “Well, I’ll be ,” said the clerk, going out. His employer had made an early investigation into the matter, and found that the other clerks had “ put up a job ” on the young man by sending him a bogus invitation. His employer made things even by promot ing him over their heads. Of the 441,043 immigrants who landed at Castle Garden last year 152,431 gave New York as their destination. Of course a large part of this invading army will encamp elsewhere as soon as friends there or in other parts of the country find a place and employment for them in less crowded localities. But the fraction left over will appreciably swell the ranks of the beggars, rag-pick-, ers, low criminals and other objectionable classes. Eleven thousand two hundred and seventy of the new-comers went to Massachusetts, 45,116 to Pennsylvania. The vastly more inviting State of Illinois received but 54,461. Michigan got, according to the announcements of intended destina tion, 20,300; lowa, 16,475 ; Minnesota. 18,819; Wisconsin, 18,715; Missouri, 9,724; and Indiana, 6,131. To the wheat States and Territories—Dakota, Illinois, Indiana, lowa, Kansas, Michi gan, Minnesota, Nebraska and Wiscon sin—there were bound 148,274, or more than one-third of the total arrivals at New York. South Carolina got but 704; Georgia, 828 ; Kentucky, 1,557; Louis iana, 1,039 j North Carolina, 785; Miss issippi, 572; the cotton States together but 4*854 —an insignificant share. The arrangements for the organiza tion of anew line of fast steamers be tween this country and Europe have so far progressed that the scheme is now looked upon as a certainty. The new company propose to build at first three ships, sailing weekly, and to increase the number as business warrants. Ves sels are promised which, in ordinarily good weather, will make 500 miles a day and accomplish the trip inside of six days. They will save 270 miles of water travel and all delays at the bar at Liverpool and New York, beside the delays of quarantine at the latter port. It is proposed to build these vessels somewhat after the model of the English torpedo-boat—soo feet in length and from fifty to fifty-two feet beam. As they are to carry only express freight, it is believed to* be possible to construct them not only for greater speed but for greater safely than the ordinary steam ship, and to so construct their water tight compartments that it will be next to impossible to sink them. As there will be the same weight above as below the surface of the water, it is also be lieved that the steamers will not rock like ordinary ones. They will carry passengers and express freight only, A man at the Executive Mansion who wanted to see the President wrote as follows on his card as an inducement to be let in : “My wife is a personal friend of one of your groorntmen. ” A ROMANCE IK TWO CHAPTERS . Twelve years ago, after an American named Wallace had got liis family and “traps” aboard an ocean steamer at Liverpool returning to this country, he suddenly remembered that he had for gotten to pay the nurse girl at the hotel. As there remained two hours before sail ing, he set out for tlie hotel. On his way he'got into an altercation with a man on the street, which ended by the Amer ican’s knocking liim down. In revenge he accused his assailant of trying to pick his pockets, and had him arrested. Wallace offered SI,OOO for his release in order that he might take the steamer. The police didn’t believe his story, and, having had a telegraphic order from the United States that morning to arrest a counterfeiter, they thought he would answer every purpose. He could not identify himself, the hotel keeper say ing that he knew nothing about him ex cept that he went away from the hotel without paying the nurse girl. He was therefore sentenced and imprisoned for two years. At the end of that time he learned the rope-maker’s trade, and earned enough to come home as an emi grant. On reaching this side he could find or hear nothing of his wife. He set to work, however, and made a small fortune, which he subsequently in creased to a large one by means of a mining speculation, that led liim finally to Utah. At Salt Lake a friend, in answer to his needs, conducted him to a widow’s home, who was famous for the excellence of the shirts she made. His friend introduced him as a gentleman who wanted some shirts made. Tho woman gave a scream. It was his wife, and the young girl in. tlxe room the baby he last saw in the steamship. Her hus band, failing to return on tho vessel, she concluded that he intended deserting her, and, having considerable money, she made her way West, lost her money in San Francisco gambling in stocks, and was supporting herself in Salt Lake by her needle. THOMAS H, BENTON, Thomas H. Benton was by far the most striking figure in the Senate. When he arose to speak, his form tow ered head and shoulders above every body else. When excited or enraged, his large face, high cheek bones, heavy eye-lashes capping his largo rolling eyes, and his leonine rage were terrific. His large head was covered with bushy hair, not always tho most tidily ar ranged. His stentorian voice and blunt style of speaking gave him the air of a dictatorial, domineering character. In his old age he continued to work like a Titan. At 76 years of age he kept on revising his works and writing new ones; and on his death-bed, when he could no longer speak aloud, he dictated in faint whispers to his amanuensis. The death of his wife, four years before his own, so affected him that thereafter he was never known to go to any place of amusement or festivity. In life’s even ing he spent years in writing the great work of his life, “Thirty Years in tho United States Senate.” When it was nearly ready for the press, an accidental fire destroyed his manuscript. His great force of wiil led him to rewrito it. In feeble age he toiled on, and shortly be fore bis death he finished the great and crowning work of his toilsome life. He was of robust health, like Cass, doubt less owing to his temperate habits. He used to say that, when a boy, he prom ised his mother that he would never indulge in the use of strong drink or tobacco, and that he had literally kept his promise life. HOW TO DISTINGUISH SMALL-FOX A New York surgeon says that “whenever you see pimples depressed in the center you may take that as a sign of small-pox. Small-pox pustules ap pear first on the face, then on the nock and hands, and afterward on the body. At first they are the size and have the solidity of small shot, but a layman would not be able to judge of them un til on and after the fourth day, when they become depressed in the center and surrounded by a circle of pink that turns a dark crimson. These pimples are often so thick that they run together. There is an odor accompanying the disease that, once noticed, cannot be forgotten. A Brooklyn girl of 18 died the other day from the effects of having her ears pierced. A few days before Christmas she was told that she was going to have a pair of ear-rings for a present, and, in order that she might wear them on tfte holiday, she immediately had her ears pierced by her brother-in-law. Unfort unately she caught cold, erysipelas set in, which was followed by meningitis, and after lingering about a week ohe died. SUBSCRIPTION — SI.SO. NUMBER 31. TLEASANTRIX* Shocking disaster—An earthquake. Ghosts must come from gnome man’a land. Smelling salts—Sailors trying to dis cover a place where whisky is sold. The Arabic for eat is “git,” That ought to be the English of it, too— Git too? Personal— John, come back; all is forgiven ! Pa kicked the wrong man. He did not know it was you. Stella. Some one who has been there remarks that a young author lives in an attio because one is rarely able to live on his first story. The reason that a baggageman re cently hurled himself from a fourth story window was that he was insane, and thought he was a trunk. “ What makes you look so deathly sick, Tommy?” “Well, the fao’ ’f the matter is, I’ve been taking my first chew, and I am only an amachewer.” • A Dublin newspaper contained the following: “I hereby warn all persons from trusting my wife, Ellen Flanagan, on my account, as I am not married to ter.”. “No,” said the cashier, “I didn’t need the money. I wasn’t speculating. I liaa no necessity for stealing it. But, hang it! I didn’t want to be called eo centric.” Not too funny; “Dwo vas sohoost enough, budt dree vas too blendty,” re marked Hans, when his best girl asked him to take her mother along with then to a dance. Niagara falls is so brilliantly illum inated by tlie eleetrio light every even ing that, after paying the haokman, yon call easily see whether there is anything left in your pocket. It is rather unpleasant to hear a pub lic speaker remark, “My friends-ur, I wish to say a few words-ur on this occa sion-ur,” etc.; but then we must remem ber that to ur is human. An Eastern man started a gergeous “ billiard parlor” out West, but neglect ing a liberal supply of spittoons it was said liis establishment did not come up to the public expectoration. The New Haven Register gives the following excellent directions as to how to tell a good onion ; “Hire your best girl to eat it raw, and then call upon her. If the onion is good your stay will be short.” It is feared that the enormous manu facture of wooden toothpicks is utterly destroying the forests of America; but, then, the young man who spends all his salary for good clothes must have some thing to eat. A French writer remarks, “if a lady says to you, * I can never love you,’ wait a little longer ; all hope is not lost. But if she says, * ‘No one has more sin cere wishes for your happiness than I,* take your hat.” A South American plant has been found that cures bashfulness. It should be promptly tried on the man who leaves the hotel by the back wirfQow be cause he is too diffident to say good-by to the cashier and clerk. A-Farmer living not many miles from Toledo has the following warning con spicuously posted on his premises: “If any man or woman’s cows or oxen gits in this here oats, his or her tail will be cut off, as the case may be.” An aged negro was one day showing the scars of the wounds inflicted by the lash when he was a slave. “What a picture I ” exclaimed a sympathizing looker-on. “ Yes,” responded the col ored brother, “ dat’s de work ob one ob de old masters.” “The Bible says, *Love your neigh bor as yourself,’ ” the parson remarked; '* but, of course, we must not take this literally. If you manage to love your neighbor one-hundredth part as muoh its you do yourselves, many of you, it will be all that can be reasonably expect ed of you,” Commissioner of Pensions Dudley thinks the payment of pensions to In dians should be made in silver dollars. Such pensions are paid to the Cherokees, Creeks and Seminoles, and have hereto fore been paid by means of checks, which were subjected to heavy discount. Gen. Grant and U. S. Grant, Jr., each paid SI,OOO for a pew at the auc tion sale of the pews in Dr. Newman’s new churdh in New York. Thebe are within a few miles of Los Angeles, Cal., 256,135 bearing orange feces.