Newspaper Page Text
W. F. SMITH, Publisher,
VOLUME IX.
m **TT AM Mg.
on arms
That kold thalr labor duty
Acd baar tho burdens of ihe’honr
With cheerfuin eM and beauty 1
AH honor to the willing arms
That lift the poor and lowly,
And teach us by their kindness
A lesson pure and holy !
AMr.sh ttforUlee
nutdup with lortag
r of Joy and tendernesa
In hrjautiful completeness!
rest unt> the weary arms
That an*,, pining sadness
round our dear returning ones,
told thrill again with gladness 1
But sorrow for the longing arms
Where hopes, like birds, have nested:
God’S pity for the empty arms
Where darling ones have rested.
—George Cooper.
the beauties of nature.
BX A. L, VAN OSDEIi,
Beauty of every kpjd i 8 formed to cap
tivate. and there this peculiar advan
ago in contemplating the beauties of
vegetable nature, that we may permit
our hearts t< j be ensnared by them with
out apprehension of a dangerous or dis
honorable servitude. A. taste for the
DOftl xt'.es of nature is one of the best
m of perpetuating innooance and
’/urity of character. It diverts the at
tention from the turbulent scenes of
fashion and folly, and superinduces a
placid tranquillity of the mind highly
favorable to the gentle virtues, and to
the permanency of our most refined en
joyments, Rural scenes of almost every
hind are delightful to the mind of man.
-Tho verdant plain, the flowery mead,
the meandering stream and the warbling
ot' bird/i, are all capable of exciting emo
tions gently agreeable.
misfortune is that the greater
P' jrtion of mankind are hurried on in
Xhe career of lifo with too groat rapidity
to givo proper attention to the works of
'vegetable nature surrounding them.
Let them that prefer it live in the
city and mingle in the busy throng,
bustling their way through the crowded
thoroughfares, even though fortune at
tends them and they are permitted to be
leaders in the fashionable circle. Yet,
while 1 am permitted to penetrate
through the maze of the woodland and
can saunter over the farm (even though
we have our misfortunes and occasional
ly suffer pecuniary loss, caused by the
disaster oi floods and ravages of insects),
I will not repine that it is not my lot to
spend my leisure horns in tho picture
galleries of a palace.
It is obvious on tuition that nature
intended to please the eyes of man in
her vegetable productions.
She decorates the flowers that spring
up beneath our feet in all the perfection
of external beauty. She has clothed the
garden with a constant succession of va
rious hues.
From the snowdrop to the moss rose
the flower garden displays an iufiuite
variety of shapes and colors. The beauty
of color, though justly esteemed subor
dinate to that of shape, is found to de
light the eyes of man more immediately
and moro universally, but when color
and shape are united in perfection, he
who can view them with insensibility must
resign all pretensions to delicacy of per
ception. Such a union has been usually
effected by nature in the formation of a
flower; in fact there is not another single
object in all the vegetable world in
which so many agreeable qualities are
combined at once ; freshness, fragrancy,
color and shape. In almost every de
scription of the seats of the blessed,
both aucient and modern, the idea of a
garden seem to have predominated.
The word paradise itself is synony
mous with garden. The fields of ely
siurn, that sweet region of poesy, are
adorned with all that the imagination
oan conceive to be de delightful. Some
of the most pleasing passages of Mil
ton’s Paradise are those in which ho
represents the happy pair engaged in
cultivating their blissful abode.
The poets have given us vivid descrip
tions of flowers and rural scenery, and
though they are thought by some to
have exceeded reality, they have scarce
ly equaled it.
Enter a modern slirnbbery, formed of
a selection of the most agreeable flower,
ing shrubs, composed of an intermixt
ure of the lilac, the laburnum, the jas
samine, the magnolia, beside others of
equal beauty, too numerous to mention,
and consider whether there is anything
described in the Garden of Alcinous, in
the Fields of Elysium or in Milton’s
Paradise to be compared with it. Nat
ure is no less remarkable for the accur
acy and beauty of her works than for
variety and profusion.
Defects are always discovered in the
works of art when they are examined
through a microscope ; but the examina
tion of a flower is like takiug oft* a veil
from the face of beauty.
Stile feifgia ■. gtops.
Tho statement made in the inspired
works of God, “ that Solomon in all his
glory was not arrayed like one of these,”
may seem to the ignorant a forced ex
pression, but it is, in fact, one beauti
.lj rUO, Take Solomon’s most ad
mired purple, or take the finest fabric
manufactured by the utmost ingenuity
of modern skill, and, viewed through a
microscope, it becomes hideous ropes
and rags, while tho “ lily of the field,”
viewed through the same instrument,
becomes infinitely more exquisite in its
finish and beauty.
Flowers exhibit many powers and
properties which the science of man has
never been able to explain.
Somo will instantly close up upon the
slightest ■‘.ouch. Some will flutter, as
if in alarm, upon suddeu exposure to
light, and somo seem possessed of lim
ited powers of locomotion. Pea blos
soms always turn their backs to the
wind; tho heliotrope always faces the sun;
the tulip opens its petals in pleasant
weather and closes them during rain and
darkness, and the pond-lily clo.ses its
pure white leaves at night, as it lies on
its watery bed, but unfolds them again
in the morning. Some open and shut at
certain hours, and that so regularly as
to indicate the time of day, like the
sindrimal, a native plant of Hindoos ton,
which opens at 4 o’clock in the evening
and closes at 4 in the morning. Who
can explain the phenomena of flowers ?
Who but must see that the hand and
counsel of infinite wisdom are concerned
in the production of these vegetable
wonders ?
Tho taste of the florist has been ridi
culed as trifling, yet surely without rea
son, for who, upon this mundane sphere
is too wise to receive instruction from
the works of nature?
Charuey, the highly-gifted philoso
pher and statesman, while in prison by
the orders of Napoleon Bonaparte, was
converted from atheism into a belief in
a Supreme Being by a flower. When
he went into prison he did not believe
there was a God. One day, as he wa3
walking in the inclosed court or yard
adjoining his cell, he discovered a tiny
plant pushing its way up through a
crevice in the stone floor. How it came
there he could not tell. Perhaps the
seed was blown over the wall by tho
wind. Shut in by the prison walls,
away from all his friends, and not per
mitted to interest himself with either
reading or writing, he was glad to have
this little living thing to watch over and
love.
With a microscope he examined the
different changes in the formation of the
plant. Ho soon saw some buds. Ho
watched them as they grew larger and
larger, and when the flowers at length
came out he was filled with ]oy. They
were exquisite in finish and beauty;
had three colors in them, white, purple
and rose color ; and there was a delicate
silvery fringe all around the edge. This
serrated border in the petal of this flow
er displayed an accuracy of delineation
which no pencil could rival; its fra
grance, too, was delicious. He exam
ined this flower more than any he had
ever examined before, and the plant was
something more than a mere
pleasure to the prisoner. It
taught him some things he had
never learned before though he was a
wise man. Among his scribbling on
the prison wall he had written “ Ail
things come by chance.” But as he
watched the flower and contemplated
what wisdom, what power and what be
nevolence had been exercised in arrang
ing the chemical constitution and agen
cies of the plant, he felt convinced that
it could not be the work of chance, and
liis faith in a world of chance being
shaken, he added to the above described
sentence the word “perhaps.” Butin
time as he watched the varying changes
jn his flower, its phenomena, its sta
mens and pistils, how one contained the
germ of the seed, and the other the ele
ment of fertilization, so formed as to
shed that element thereon and perfect
the seed, which are the appointed means
to insure the reproduction of the species
when the plant dies. All this con
vinced him that there was a Deity,
and he said his little plant taught
him more than he had learned
from the wise men of the earth.
Hence, aside from the the pleasure de
rived from the sight and fragrance of
flowers, this illustration proves that a
lesson can be taught by a single plant
to the wisest men of the earth.
There is paradise in the works of
nature, when we sit and contemplate
the surrounding scenes and think, while
this planet is cycling on according to
Pooled to Industrial Inter, gt. the Diffusion of Truth, the Establishment of Justice, aud the Preservation of a People’s Government.
INDIAN SPRINGS, GEORGIA.
the fixed laws c t gravitation, emdless
forms most beautiful and most wonder
ful have been and are being evolved.
Nothing in form, function or consti
tution is defective in the floral creation,
nothing left to chance or acccident.
Fruitful lives, must flower in labor,
And the years, are like the bees,
Busy in the world of blossoms,
Building up their victories.
The Ready Letter Writer.
The third letter of the series, is that
of a yonng man asking for the position
of humorist on an English paper. It
should* be in about the following
language:
White River, Colorado, )
March 1, 1882. \
Editor of London Gurgle:
Bear Sir —lt is with some hesitation
that I address you on this occasion, rela
tive to the subject of securing a lucrative
position on your great journal as chief
humorist and pun promoter.
I am aware that my experience so far
has been somewhat limited in this line,
but I hope by patience and a proper
course of dieting to bring myself up to a
point where I may establish a reputa
tion both for myself and your paper.
1 have attempted several times to hold
down a like position on American jour
nals, but so far have not made that
mark which my ungovernable ambibi
tion seems to crave. I hope to strike
the popular gait in a few weeks so that
in England I would have no trouble.
My jokes are of a grhve and at times
almost sad complexion. They are a
style of grief tainted humor, which can
not but attract the kindly notice of your
people.
Heretofore I have filled the position
of undertakers’ foreman w r ith wonderful
success and could still hold the position
if I desired it, but it is too cheerful in its
nature. I want something that will
chasten amVsoften my rebellious nature.
I want something that will give me a
constant reminder of my dying condi
tion. What I want is to mingle with
woe and suffering. I feel as though life
should not be a holiday and a picnic.
It should be a groan, a shudder, or a
prolonged death rattle. lam fully im
pressed with the idea that we can only
be purified through suffering. No man
can fit himself for death if he glides
evenly through life.
It is therefore my desire to enter your
office and thrown in constant contact
with the corpse-like presence of your
jokes. I would love to mingle with the
bony relics of your staff and hear their
grim and awful puns.
Please do not turn me away, but give
me a chance to sit in the ghostly glim
mer of your smile.
I do not care for a large salary on the
start. All I would require would be the
wholesome contact I would be brought
into with the ghouls and wreckers of
human hilarity. My morbid longing for
the dead and decaying humor of forgot
ten years would then be put at rest.
This wild hunger for something acutely
sad and heart-broken would be stilled.
Please write me as soon as possible,
and believe me ever
Dearilv yours,
Somber O. Pall.
—Laramie Boomerana.
MALE POCKEJS.
The full-dressed male animal abounds
m pockets; he has coat pockets, vest
pockets, and pants pockets ; breast pock
ets, side pockets, hind pockets, hip
pockets pockets in the overcoat, his ul
ster and his rubber overalls; never less
than sixteen to twenty of these economi
cal hiding places for lots of articles—
cash in loose change, cash in bills, law
yers’ briefs, sermons, tradesmen’s ac
counts, doctors’ prescriptions, architects’
drawings, tax-gatherers’ blank books of
all sorts and sizes, enough to stock a
bookseller’s stall or a merchant’s count
ing-room. All kinds of pocket articles
are enumerated and defined in the dic
tionary—pocket comb, pocket compass,
pocket pistol, pocket money, pocket
knife, pocket glass, pocket volumes,
pocket inkstand, pen, pencil and the like.
A school-boy’s pockets are a curiosity ;
a repository for nails, balls, jack-knives,
gingerbread and apple cores, fishing
twine and angle-worms, and as he grows
older, billets from the girls, “excuses’,
from his mother and extra prob.
lems from his teacher. A female
lecturer of some celebrity said “ the
only thing for which she envied a
man was his multitude of pockets.”
A man in a sleeping-car on an Eastern
railroad kept people awake two hours by
propounding, about bed-time, the query:
“ What is the best thing to brush a hat
with ? ” And the whole crowd stayed
awake and guessed, and one man who
came to his station, and had to off
without hearing the answer, felt awful
ly. And, 4naliy, after they had all
given it up, the questioner thought the
best tiling to brush a hat with was a
hat brush. And it was painful to wit
ness the disgust of the crowd.
It was in Paris, and they were having
their midday breakfast One of the
guests arose, and, with wine-glass
in hand, said : “I drink to the health of
the groom. May he see many days lika
this.” The intention was good, but the
bride looked as if something had dis
pleased her.
HOW A WIDOW MOURNED.
She Grieved Ten Thousand Dollars' Worth at
■ the Start, but Weakened as She Greta
Older.
She was a handsome and wealthy
young widow, and had just lost her hus
band. Full of grief over the loss of her
beloved one, she sought a dealer in mon
uments, a friend of the dear departed.
Seeing the sympathetic face of her
husband’s friend, the tears burst afresh
from her eyes as she greeted, him.
“You have heard it then; George is
gone.”
Yes, he had heard it.
“ And now,” said she, “ I want to get
a monument, the finest and most im
posing monument that you can make. I
don’t care for the expense. You have
them costing as much as $10,011% do you
not ? ” she ventured.
Oh, yes’ he could build a splendid
monument for that. He would prepare
a design and submit it to her.
“ You will have it ready soon, will
you not?” she pleaded. “This even
ing ? ”
“No, not this evening,” he replied,
but he would hurry it up as fast as pos
sible and bring it to her residence. And so
it was settled, and she went away very
grateful for the ready sympathy and
anxiously expectant for the design.
And then the monument man got out
an old design and had it transferred to
a clean piece of paper, and in fifteen
minutes was ready for the widow, but of
course it wouldn’t do to show up for a
week or so. The long days dragged
out their weary length finally, and the
marble man, assuming an appropriately
funereal countenance, sought out the
widow and submitted his work. He
found her somewhat more reconciled to
her loss and a little inclined to be crit
ical, but on the whole she was pleased
with the design.
“But,” she said, “I have been talk
ing over the matter with my sister, and
she thinks $5,000 ought to buy a very
nice monument. Couldn’t you make one
like that for $5,000? ”
“No,” responded he, “but I can
build quite a handsome monument for
$5,000. Shall I make a design of one
for that figure ? ”
“Yes, I wish you would, please, and
I will come to your office and examine it
in a week or two. ”
“ I can make some alterations in these
plans and have it ready very soon,” he
urged. ‘ ‘ Indeed, I could bring it around
to-morrow just as well as not.”
“ Oh, no ; I won’t trouble you to do
so. There is no particular hurry about
it, and I will call upon you; it’s my
turn, you know,” and she smiled gra
ciously upon him as she bowed him out.
Well, what was a poor monument
man to do ? He could only wait, and lie
did wait, busying himself meanwhile in
getting up elaborate and really beautiful
designs. One day he met the lady on
the street, dressed in the merest apology
for half-mourning. Ho bowed obse
quiously and informed her that the de
sign was finished, and he thought would
not fail to be perfectly satisfactory.
“Oh,” she said, “I have been so busy,
don’t you know, with one thing and an
other, that I had forgotten all about it.
Let me see, how much was that to
cost ? ”
“ Five thousand dollars.”
“ Oh, dear, I really can’t afford to pay
that much. Now, couldn’t you ” —this
very bewitchingly—“make a real nice
monument for about SSOO ? I know 3'ou
can, and I will come around and see you
about it real soon; good-by.”
Then the monument man went to his
office and told his grief to a three-legged
lamb and a stone angel.
Some time after this the charming
widow, with a male friead, whom she
called “Charley,’’dropped in again.
“Doyou know,” she said, “Ifeel so
ashamed to think that I never came
around^ to look at your pretty designs.
Charley and I have concluded that those
great, costly ornaments are so foolish,
after one’s dead, you know. We think
it’s wicked, don’t we, Charley ?” Charley
allowed that it was. “But,” she con
tinued, “ those little white boards, such
as they put at the soldiers’ graves, Char
ley and I think they are very nice. So
neat and unpretentious. Couldn’t you
make one of them for me and put
George’s monogram on it ? His initials
make such a pretty monogram!”
Then the monument man’s cup was
full, and he spilled it over on them. He
told her that Charley could get an old
shingle and tack one of George’s busi
ness cards on it
Then she called him “ a horrid beast,’’
and Charley spoke of whipping him “for
half a cent,” and they sailed off.—Cin
ciHf .ati Saturday Night.
SET A THIEF TO CATCH A THIEF.
That the police in Louis Philippe’s
time had need of honest, or even half
honest, men is proved by one of M.
Claude’s anecdotes. It retains tho
marks of Vidocq’s influence, and his
moutons let loose on the scent of thieves
were hardly better than the same they
tracked. M. Allard was the first to do
justice to the odious prejudice that in
order to be well acquainted with the
ways and doings of rascals one must be
a bit of a scamp one’s self. He rightly
believed that to impress the enemies of
society with respect and apprehension it
was necessary to oppose to their vices
an absolute example of honesty, and to
face their shameless profligacy with an
irreproachable line of conduct. Before
Allard’s time there were certain indica
teursjwho received with one hand their
share of stolen booty, and with the other
their informer’s pay. It was not rare to
see an indicateur breakfast on the pro
ceeds of a theft, and sup with the money
paid for its discovery. As an instance
of the style in which things were done:
After a considerable theft committed in
the residence of a distinguished person
age, all the police agents de surete were
set to work to arrest the thief. He was
soon taken, and at once conducted to tho
house he had robbed, in order to give
an explanation of the way in which he
had operated. Two days after the con
frontation the master of the house per
ceived that an emerald set round with
diamonds, worth 10,000 francs, had dis
appeared from his bedroom. The fact
was communicated to one of the heads
of the police de surete, who suspected
that the author of the theft could be no
other than one of his own agents. His
object, therefore, was to discover the
perpetrator of the second robbery. New
Year’s day was close at hand. The chief
of the spy brigade assembled his men,
and addressed them in a language which,
if not classical, was to the purpose.
“You know, my lads, we shajl soon have
to go and wish M. le Prefect a happy
New Year. I expect you to clean your
selves up for that day, and to put on
your smartest bibs and tuckers. If any
of your jewelry is up the spout, or your
best portable property in your uncle’s
keeping, you will get it away for the
ceremony. I don’t want you to come in
a shabby turnout, as if you were only a
set of mangy canaille. ’Tis all very well
to go about town in deshabille, but our
superior ought to see what steady and
respectable coves we are. You under
stand me, I take the liberty of presum
ing. If any of you want money to get
your Sunday things out of pawn, you
have only to say so, and I will advance
it. Allez: Be off with you; make your,
selves scarce.” On New Year’s morning
the agents, fresh rigged from top to toe,
awaited their leader at the Hotel de la
Prefecture. The first thing which caught
the eye of that sharp-sighted genius was
the stolen emerald sparkling on the sus
pected agent’s shirt-front. “You are
an ass and a booby, monsieur,” ho
whispered, at the same time taking
forcible possession of the jewel. “There
are fire-eaters at the Bagne who are in
nocent compared with you. But I have
pity on yoor-family. Only let this teach
you a lesson;” and, sticking the emerald
in his own cravat with a dignity worthy
of Robert Macaire, he wore it in the
Prefect’s presence, omitting, in the in
terest of his agent’s honor, to restore it
to its rightful owner. —Bondon Society.
In 1854 there were 254 daily papers
published in the United States. In 1860
the number had increased J&o 887, in 1870
to 574, and in 1880 to 981. The circula
tion, which in 1850 was but 758,454,
reached over 3,500,000 copies in 1880.
The average circulation of the daily
newspapers is placed by the census com
pilers at 3,704, which must reduce the
actual circulation of a great many
dailies far below the paying point. The
average circulation of weeklies con
nected with dailies is 3,219, and of those
not connected with dailies 1,824.
Eight years ago there were only $120,-
000 invested in steamers on the St.
Johns, Fla. Now there are twenty
eight steamers plyirg on that river, one
of which cost $240,000, and to this fleet
constant additions are making. The
Indian river and South Florida lakes
and inlets are now dotted with sailboats,
carrying freight to and fro. In a very
short time these -will be supplemented
by steamers, and then anew region will
be opened of surpassing fertility and
beauty.
Felicity, pure and unalloyed felicity,
is not a plant of earthly growth ; her
gardens are akies.
SUBSCRIPTION-^!.50.
NUMBER 40.
FLEA SANTIi IES.
Pamphlets are hard to dispose of, but
books are bound to sell.
When a eouple make up their minds
to get married it may be called a tie
vote. —Somerville Journal.
Sir Walter Raleigh made his way
to fortune and fame by politeness. He
was not one of the Elizabethan ruffs.
The difference between a dmgglju
and a farm laborer, is that one is a
pharmacist and the other a farm as
sistant.
Irish epitaph: “Erected to the
memory of John Phillips, accidentally
shot as a mark of affection by his
brother.”
The ice-dealer’s little venture : “ You
may talk about fine buildings, but it’s
the ice-house that takes the cake.”—
Courier-Journal.
There is a story told of a fine old
Cornish Squire who only drank brandy
on two occasions—when he had goose
for dinner and when he had not.
Judging from the large number of
young physicians being ground out by
our medical colleges, we can no longer
sing, “This world is but an M. D.
void.”
PolkJeman, to group of small boys—
“ Come, now, move on, there’s nothing
the matter here.” Sarcastic boy—“Of
course there isn’t. If there was you
wouldn’t be here.”
Said the leader of the train-robbers
as he boarded the Pullman car : “Don’t
disturb the passengers, but seize the
porter. He’s got all tho money in the
crowd by this time 1”
The most horrible case of insanity in
the Massachusetts Asylum is that of a
man who imagines he is a Chicagoan.
He gets up in the middle of the night
to brag. —Boston Post.
Never despair. Many a boy who
goes around with a yellow patch on hig
blue pantaloons may some day write a
volume of poetry in blue and gold or
have a silver plate on his door.
Did you ever notice the fact—of course
you have—that a tramp who claims he
has a good trade, but can get no work
at it, in the winter is a brickmaker-and
in the summer a lumberman or an ice
sawyer ?
Miss Henrietta Dewoome —ln an
swer to your question about “ unkissed
kisses,” we may say that we are prepared
to unkiss any kisses we may have kissed
outside of the family for the last five
years.— Harvard Lampoon.
Bridget (looking over the mantel
piece)—“What’s thim, marm?” Mrs.
Dotonart —“Those are cherubs,
Bridget.” Bridget—“Cheerups, is it?
Mary Ann says as how they was bats,
and I says twins, barrin’ the wings.”
He came home the other night in a
drizzling rain, soaked inside as well ac
out. “ What excuse have you to offer/'
said his better half, “for coming home
in such a beery condition?” “None,
my dear,” was his answer, “ ’cept ’twas
a very muggy day.”
A member of a fashionable congrega
tion called at a music store and in
quired : “ Have you the notes of a piece
called the ‘ Song of Solomon ? ’ ” adding
“ Our pastor referred to it yesterday as
an exquisite gem, and my wife would
like to learn to play it.”
A house painter who is at work on a
scaffolding three stories from the ground
falls from it upon the sidewalk, where
he lies limp and apparently lifeless. A
crowd of benevolent folk surround him
and labor with him till his pulse returns
and eyelids begin to flutter, when a
Good Samaritan places a glass of water
to his lips. The sufferer (feebly)—
“ How many stories has a fellow got to
fall in this ward before he gets brandy,
dum ye? ” —Paris paper.
man’s a pool.
It is settled as & rule,
Man’s a fooL
When it’s cold he wants it hot,
When it’s hot he wants it cold,
Ever grumbling at his lot,
Man's a fool.
Ne’er content with what he’s got.
Always wanting what he’s not,
You may taka it as a rule,
Man's a fooL
An old toper complained to a doctor
that the ardent failed to exhilarate his
spirits. The doctor, knowing the inor
dinate nature of his appetite, told him
he had better try aqua fortis. A short
time afterward he was surprised by an
other visit from the individual, who told
him that the aqua fortis did very well at
first, but it was not strong enough. “I
say, doctor,” said he, “don’t you think
a little aqua fifties would about fix it ?”