Newspaper Page Text
W. F. SMSIH, Publisher,
VOLUME IX.
WOMAN GOSSIP.
Ad-Lydiam.
[There are twenty cases of measles laths college
and one In the Annex.— Advocate.)
Pretty maid of Annex fame,
How did you get the measles?
V' ns it in the Fine-Arts room
Among the busts and easels ?
Was it pcradventure in
Ihe hall of German eight,
Or in Chemistry, perhaps,
Or from a tete-a-tete?
Or have you a worshiper—
Some Junior, lot me say—
Who caught them from some friend of his
And gave them both away ?
I know not, pretty Annex maid,
But if you have a lover,
For his sake and your own I hops
That you may soon recover.
Harvard Crimson.
Hew Beauty Is Bated in Texas.
The young men have a way in Texas
of rating the girls as they do cotton. If
only moderate in stylo and appearance
slio is a good ordinary, if more than
usually attractive she is a good middling,
bid if superior in all the graces and
charms, then she is the highest grade
middling fair. Further West, in the
cal tie region, slio is a long horn if only
of moderate beauty, but a short horn if
of superior quality.— St. Louis Repub
lican.
Story of n lint.
'Twas at tko concert. She came bar
carolling down the aisle, with that mo
tion of hips and arms peculiar to Boston,
which is the quintessence of a homely
gait. He had carelessly left a now silk
hat in her scat. Sho sat on it, rose in
dismay, reached for her purse and of
fered him an X. Ho refused, but re
quested to kiss her hand. Sho refused
also.
“Then,” said he, “I will accept the
$lO, and say I preferred it to kissing
you. ” —Harvard Lampoon.
A Startling Costume*
Wo tnrst that none of our American
belles will follow the freak of fash
ion exhibited at tho races at Nice by a
fascinating Parisian actress. This ad
venturous young lady appeared on the
course in a toilet of light-colored Cicil
ienno, embroidered in a most artistic
manner with life-sized cats arranged
around the skirt. The bodice was plain,
with paniers, and at the back the mate
rial was so draped that two tabbies came
faco to face, and seemed to be engaged
in mauling each other in the most im
proved back-yard fashion. The effect
was startling, to say the least, and wo
venture to say that tho wearer was emi
nently successful in creating a sensa
tion. —New York Tribune.
A Man's Choice.
“Now whoover saw an old-gold
rose ? ” she cried, appealing to the mir
ror, “ or black asters, or brown lilies of
tho valley, or pea-green chrysanthe
mums ? It's just like a man ! Not the
least idea of taste ! And they’ll put any
thing on to him. Probably some old
tilings they had left over from last year,
and then stuck them together on a
child’s hat, and told Jack it was the lat
est stylo! And ho believed them, the
ninny! It’s just liko him ! Well, he
may wear it if he wants to, I shan’t.”
Jack arrived at this juncture, his face
beaming like a bran-new tin pan in the
noonday sunshine. Seeing the millinery
in the hands of his helpmate, he ex
claimed gleefully :
“So you’ve got it, Mary! A little
surprise, you kaow. It’s a stunner,
ain’t it ? ”
“I should say it was, Mr. Jack.”
It was tho tone of these words rather
than their intrinsic intelligence that
caused Jack’s face to elongate so sud
denly.
“Why, what’s the matter, Mary?’’
he exclaimed in alarm.
“Matter, Mr. Jnlk !” returned Mary,
holding the bonnet out at arm’s length,
as if it had been a recent occupant ol
the small-pox hospital. “ Matter, Mr.
Jack !” she repeated ; “I should think
you’d ask! Just look at it 1”
“Why,” said Jack, beginning to lose
confidence in his ideas on taste, “ isn’t
it pretty ?”
“ Pretty !” screeched Mrs. J.
With that she let the millinery fall
from her grasp, and then dropped all in
a heap on the nearest chair, and fell to
weeping like a force pump.
It was hard on poor Jack. He had
promised himself iio end of pleasure as
the result of his little surprise. “Mary
be so happy !” he had said to him
self. “Jt will come so unexpected, too 1
And how she will admire my taste 1”
Instead of this, that beautiful bonnet lay
neglected on the floor, and his wife was
on the verge of hysterics !
hat was he to do under these dis
Slit!® . towgia
Pewfed to Industrial Infer, st, the Piffthion ot Truth, the Establishment of Jnstiee, and the ['reservation of a People’s government.
tressing circumstances? Do? What
would any husband do in the presence
of tears ?
Oh, well, Mary,” he said, coaxingly,
if it doesn t suit you, of course you can
change it. I ought to have known that
a man isn’t fitted to pick out a bonnet.
There, dear, don’t cry any more ; but
put on your things and go right down to
1 lushington’s and pick one out yourself.
Now don't cry, dear. I’ve got to go to
the office ; but you’ll go to Plushing
ton’s right away, won’t you, dear ?’’
Mrs. Jack’s tears gradually dried,
though a great sob every now and then
showed the terrible anguish which still
rent her bosom. She deigned no answer
to her lord’s entreaties, excepting some,
thing or other about that “horrid
thing,” and was about to break out
again into fresh weeping, when Jack
begged her again to go to the milliner’s
right off, kissed her hastily and discreet
ly left her alone with her grief. When
the door was safely shut behind him—
the truth must be told—he did say some
thing that rhymed with lamb, but it is
certain that “lamb” was not the word
lie used.
It was wonderful how quickly Mrs.
Jack recovered from her sorrow. Hard
ly had the street door closed ere she was
herself again. There was now a look ol
triumph on her face. Hastily putting
on her street garments, she shoved the
despised bonnet into the band-box,
and a minute later was on her way to
Plushington’s.
It is needless to follow her thither.
If you are a woman, you know how a
woman disports herself in a millinery
shop; if a man, the less you know about
such places the bettor for your peace of
mind.
Tho next day was Sunday, Easter Sun
day, and as Mr?, Jack walked down the
broad aisle in her new bonnet—the bon
net of her own choice—she was su
premely happy. And Jack w r as happy,
too, to see his spouse in so heavenly a
frame of mind.
“ Well, I vum !”
Thus said Mrs. Jack, as she took her
seat; for right in front of her, in the
Bangupton pew, there sat Mrs. Bangup
ton—the recognized leader in the fash
ionable world—with a bonnet the very
counterpart of that “ horrid thing ”
which Jack had sent home as a surprise
to Mrs. J.
This is what Mrs. J. “ vummed ”
about.
There were the identical neutral
strings; the nondescript roses, chrysan
themums, lilies and asters were all
there; the “mean, scrimpy, night-cappy
thing ” was before her in every particu
lar.
It is safe to say that Mrs. Jack got
little edification from the service that
morning. Mrs. Bangupton’s bonnet was
mixed up with the hymns; it was every
where throughout the creed, collects,
prayers; the morning lessons were en
tirely devoted to millinery; the sermon,
from text to finish, was Bangupton and
bonnet; and the text was made up of tho
same übiquitous elements.
On her way home Mrs. Jack was not
so cheerful as when she started thence.
On the contrary she was taciturn, sad,
not to say morose. Jack saw that some
thing was wrong, but, being a discreet
husband, and having yesterday’s episode
fresh in his remembrance, he said
nothing. It was, no doubt, the wiser
course.
Upon reaching home, Mrs. Jack flew
up the stairs, but not until she was in
the solitude of her own chamber did her
sorrow find words. Clutching con
vulsively at the strings of her new bon
net, she pulled it off and then sank into
a chair and burst into tears.
“ I don’t care, there /”
This was her only exclamation. She
continued to weep and sob for five min
utes, perhaps. Then suddenly she dried
her eyes, took up her bonnet, scanned it
all over, and, with a look of satisfaction
rather than of joy, exclaimed :
“Well, I picked it out myself, at any
rate! None of his buying ! I’d a died
rather than have him buy my bonnet!”
And no doubt she would.— Boston
Transcript.
Small Talk.
Ohio claims the heaviest woman in
the world. She weighs 491 pounds.
A great modiste issues the following
directions for a new-style head-gear :
“ With this bonnet the month is worn
j slightly open.”
A Missouri girl wrote 2,378 words on
a postal-card, and then mailed it without
any address. The family didn’t get any
rest that night.
- ~Chicago had a “paper party” the
other day, with both men and women
INDIAN SPRINGS, GEORGIA.
dressed more or less completely in the
fragile material. There were no bad ac
cidents reported.
A Venetian glass manufacturer is
fabricating ladies’ bonnets by the thou
sands, and selling them, too. The glass
cloth of which they are made is shinier
than silk, has a finer color, and is none
the worse for a heavy shower of rain.
Pigeons are now used in Paris as or
naments for bonnets. At last a ray of
light appears. When this fashion gets
to this country a woman can snap her
fingers at the milliners and merely send
her husband out to shoot one of the
neighbor’s pigeons.
A well-dressed and good-looking
young woman entered a grocery store iu
Quincy, and called for a nickel’s worth
of eggs. The clerk gave her four eggs,
and they were devoured on the spot by
the suction process. The young woman
then wiped her mouth and walked off.
Of the Princess of coming
Queen.’it is said : “Her"tender care and
solicitude for her children are so well
known that her example has made it
fashionable among titled ladies to affect
a fondness for the presence and society
of their children, who otherwise would
be left to the care and companionship of
servants.”
At a late fashionable dinner parly in
New York, the dinner cards were in imi
tation of fans, and made of different:
woods, the back being used to form a
frame around the edge. On the handles
were pretty bows of satin ribbon, and
on each fan was painted the name of the
guest and an appropriate . design by a
well-known artist.
Miss Byrnes, of San Francisco, re
cently sued a barber for the value of a
switch he had furnished her. The bar
ber agreed to work over the combings of
her own hair, but, as a matter of fact*
she claimed, he furnished her with an
inferior article. His lawyer asked her
if it was not a better switch than she
could have got in tho city for the same
money. “I’ll show you, Judge,” she
answered, with a bewitching smile, “but
I will not let him see.” She laid aside
her hat and draped her head with
the switch. “Now, can’t you see for
yourself, Judge, it doesn’t match my
hair at all ?” His Honor moved back a
little, looked over his spectacles around
tho room, then at the defendant, then
at the lovely plaintiff kneeling before
him, and stammered out: “The court
renders judgment in her favor for $25.”
Feminine Smiles.
“Take back the heart thou gavest.”
He was a butcher, and she wanted liver.
They don’t speak now.
“No,” said she, “I’m not keeping
any servants just now. I have quite
enough to do to wait upon myself. ”
A young lady attending bails and par
ties should have a female chaperone un
til she is able to call some other chap
her own.
When a girl has been at school seven
years, and spells vaccinate “vaxinate,”
is it the fault of the school system, or
of the girl’s system ?
Fashionable spring bonnets will be
provided with step-ladders, so as to allow
people to step up to the roof and ex
amine the flowers.
Why do elderly spinsters have a predi
lection for parrots ? Well, they have no
man about the house, and they want
something round that can swear.
A North Country fish-wife went to
buy a dress. “None of your gaudy
colors for me,” she said-at once to the
man at the counter; “give me plain red
and yaller.”
A New Jersey woman who has been
divorced from three husbands says she
feels so discouraged that she doesn’t
think she’ll try marriage more than four
times more.
A scolding woman’s roughly planned
to fume and bluster and command.—
New York News. A patient man the
Lord did form to stand around and let
her storm. —TSt Louis Hornet.
They were seated on the sofa, where
they had been for four long hours.
“Augustus, do you know why you re
mind me of the Chinese?” “No, dear
est; why?” “Because yon won’t go.”
The meeting then adjourned sine die.
“O, Henry, aren’t his eyes lovely ?”
she murmured, gazing into the face of a
very homely poodle. “So liquid!” “]
thought he’d lick-wid his tongue,” re
plied Henry. The match was broken off
the dog gets all the petting now.—
Harvard Lampoon.
Conjugal amenities : “Do you know
what month of the year my wife talks
the least?” “Well, I suppose when
she catenes cold and loses her voice.”
“Not at all. It is in February.” “Why
is that ?” “ Because February has the
fewest days.”
Esthetic young lady—“ By the way,
Mr. Gosoftly, have you read ‘ Bascom’s
Science of Mind?’” “N-n-a-w, I’m
not reading much, nowadays. I pass
my time in original thought.” iEsthetio
young lady (with sympathy)—“ How
very dreary, to be sure.”
TOE AND THE ENGLISH POETS.
It is particularly irritating to th*
Americans to be told that, after so many
generations of accomplished and vigor
ous writers, the poetry of Edgar Poe
still remains the most individual poetic
product to which the United States
have given birth; Thi3 is
and they escape it by a direct negation—
Mr. Henry James, the typical literary
American, even venturing to speak o*
Poe’s “very valueless verses.” Such
men as Mr. James ask us if we are sin
cere in preferring these light tones of
music to the intellectual force and
severity of Bryant, to the humanity of
Longfellow', to the wit of Holmes and
Lowell. To this there seems an answer
which will hardly satisfy any but those
who have made poetry their principal
study. These will have perceived that
in the history of tlio world what has
really preserved the memories of waiters
of verse has not been intellectual force,
or the clear expression of love and pity,
or even wit, but a certain indefinable
felicity of style; a power of saying things
as they never were said before, and so
that they can never be forgotten. It is
a very remarkable thing that Edgar Poe,
who was not a man of much weight of
character, or even originality of intellect,
yet happened to possess, to a very high
degree, this extraordinary gift of style.
In this no American poet has so much
as approached him, and it is probable
that this will preserve his verse, like a
rose petal in a drop of glycerine, bound
to decay because of its ephemeral and
disconnected condition, yet never act
ually decaying.
Here in England, where every un
prejudiced thinker must admit that
poetry has flourished since the begin
ning of the century far more than in
America, Edgar Poe has taken his place
as one of the fashioners of style. Wheth
er his influence has been altogether
beneficial may perhaps be a matter of
reasonable doubt. But his influence is
not to be doubted. Long ago Mr. Ten
nyson came under the sway of his music;
Mr. Matthew Arnold, in the “New
Sirens,” and Mr. Rosetti, in more than
one piece of structural melody, have
felt it; Mr. Swinburne, though he has
so thoroughly conquered the notes and
made them his own, would scarcely have
begun as he did without “Ulalume”
and the “ Conqueror Worm.” But the
English writer who has most closely re
sembled Edgar Poe in his mournful and
mortuary temper, though he wore his
rue with a difference, was the late Mr.
Arthur O’Shaughnsssy, whose “Fountain
of Tears,” and “ Barcarolle ” threw more
light on the structure and value of Poe’s
verses than pages of the cleverest criti
cism. In France, where the cadence
and the verbal felicity were lost, the in
fluence of Poe, which was so strong for
a little time, seems to have faded away.
We do not hear now of the gentleman
who was spending years and years on a
translation of “The Raven,” and whose
version was expected by his friends to
be a greater masterpiece than the origi
nal Baudelaire’s beautiful paraphrases
and commentaries, in which he man
aged, while retaining the essential char
acteristics of Poe’s work, to infuse a
strong quality of his own, will always
be of interest to students of literature.—
Pall Mall Gazette.
POROSITY OF MATTER,
That granite is porous is shown by
placing a piece of it in a vessel of water
under the receiver of ai^air-pump and
removing the air. Little bubbles will
soon.be seen rising through the water.
These bubbles are the air contained in
the invisible pores of the granite. A
piece of iron is made smaller by ham
mering. This proves its porosity. Its
particles could not be brought into
closer contact if there were no intersti
ces between them. An experiment per
formed some years ago at Florence,
Italy, to ascertain whether water could
be compressed, proved that gold is
porous. A violent pressure was brought
to bear on a hollow sphere of gold filled
with water. The water made its way
through the gold and appeared on the
outside of the sphere. Water will thus
pass through pores not more than one
half of the millionth of an inch in diam
eter.
INFANT FOOD.
There are about twenty European
preparations styled infant foods, begin
ning with that of Nestle, and at least
twice as many American, all of which
profess to furnish a complete nutrition
for the infant during the first few months
of its existence, while yet the conversion
of starch into dextrine and sugar is be
yond the capacity of the untrained di
gestive function. The examination of
these with a microscope, assisted by such
simple tests as iodine, which turns
starch cells blue, and gluten (or album
inous) granules yellow, has engaged the
careful attention of Dr. Ephraim Cutter,
of Cambridge, and his results will star
tle most mothers who have relied upon
the extravagant pretenses set forth in
the circulars of manufacturers. Eliza
McDonough, who preceded Dr. Cutter
in this field, has been in a measure dis
credited; but it appears that her asser
tion—that the starch, so far from being
transformed into dextrine, was not suffi
ciently altered to render the recognition
of its source difficult, whether from
wheat, rye, corn or barley—was strictly
true, and that these pretentions foods
are, without exception, nearly valueless
for dietetic purposes. All of them con
sist of baked flour mainly, either alone
or mixed with sugar, milk or salts. In
some cases the baking has been very in
adequately performed, and the doctor
found one that consisted merely of wheat
and oats whose starch cells were proxi
mately in their natural condition. The
general result of Dr. Cutter’s examina
tion may be stated in brief terms as fol
lows : There was scarcely a single one
of the so-called infant foods that con
tained a quantity of gluten as large as
that contained in ordinary wheat flour.
That is to say, a well-compounded wheat
gruel is superior to any of them, partic
ularly when boiled with a little milk ;
and mothers are in error who place the
slightest dependence upon them. As
respects one very expensive artiole, pro
e ssing to possess 270 parts in every
1,000 of phosphatic salts in connection
with gluten, Dr. Cutter was unable to
find any gluten at all. The thing was
nearly pure starch sold at an exorbitant
prioe as a nerve and brain food, and a
great remedy for rickets. So all thtfough
the list. Semetimes a trace of gluten
was present; more frequently none at
all. In one case there were ninety parts
of starch to ten of gluten; but this was
exceptional, and the majority were less
valuable, ounce for ounce, than ordinary
wheat flour. Considering the semi-phi
anthropic pretensions which have been
put forth by the manufacturers of these
foods, some of them sustained by the
certificates of eminent physicians, the
report of Dr. Cutter is one of the drear
iest comments upon human nature that
has recently fallen under the notice of
the journalist. But if the revelations he
has made of fraud and pretense on the
part of manufacturers in this field shall
serve to protect mothers from further
betrayal, and to rescue infant life from
quack articles of nutriment, his work,
though giving a tremendous shock to
our sensibilities and to our faith in med
ical certificates, will not have been done
in vain.— New York Times.
DRINKING WATER.
No sensible person need be told that
pure water is as essential to good health
as pure air, and we can not be too care
ful of that part of this most -necessary
article of domestio economy to be used
jn cooking and for drinking. Water has
an immense absorbing capacity, and the
colder it is the greater the facility with
which it takes up impure gases. An
open vessel of water will render the air
of a room purer, but the water itself
will, in a few hours, be rendered totally
unfit for use by reason of the fact that
mosttall the carbonic-acid gas and am
monia, the result of respired gases, is
taken up by it. Hence, water for cook
ing or drinking should, if kept inside,
be in tightly-covered vessels. Where
well or cistern water is used the better
plan is to keep the drinking pail on the
outside.
Certain it is that no prudent house
wife, knowing these facts, will use water
that has stood uncovered, for any length
of time, in an occupied room. When
studying cleanliness and ventilation do
not forget the important adjunct to com
fort and health—pure water.
Young lady—“ My dear Professor, T
want to thank you for your lecture. You
made it all so plain that I could under
stand every word.” Professor—“lam
I trnly glad you did understand it. I
have studied the subject for about thir
! teen yearn, and am not clear that I un
derstand it yet”
Farmers compose one-third of the en
tire population of the United States.
SUBSCRIMTON--$1.50.
NUMBER 42.
PLEASANTRIES*
There are some promising young men
who are not careful about keeping their
word.
“ I see that winter is lingering in tb®
lap of spring. The horrid thing
Susan B.
A wit being asked, on the failure ot a
bank, “ Were you not upset ?” replied*
“No; I only lost my balance.”
Teacher to small boy; “ What doe*
the proverb those who live in
glass houses ?” Small boy: * ‘ Pull down
the blinds.”
“ Charity vaunteth not itself, is not
puffed up,” and yet some men expect a
puff every time they give $1 to an indi
gent old woman’s society.
A Russian proverb says: “Before go
ing to war, pray once ; before going to
sea, pray twice; before getting married,
pray three times.”
A returned East Indian was compli
mented on his genial disposition and
large heartedness. “Yes,” he replied,
“ I need less heart, but more liver.”
The Oil City Derrick thus sadly mor
alizes : “A great many men would
rather be a receiver of a*defunct insur
ance company than a door-tender in the
house of the Lord.”
It does aggravate a man to think that,
while his wife isn’t [afraid to tackle him
and nearly yank his head off, she is
madly terrorized by a oow that he can
chase out ot the yard at any time.
We look for the support of every old
woman in this oonnty when we boldly
assert that there are not three members
of Congress who know to within three
hours when soft-soap is ready to wax.—
Detroit Free Press.
From the the album of the Countess
deß.: “Men always say, f lf you do
not love me, I will kill myself.’ Later
on we say to them : *lf you love me no
longer I shall die.’ And, in the end,
nobody is buried.**
Admiration : “By shimminy, how
dot poy studies grammer,” was the re
mark of a German when his son called
him a “knock-kneed, pigeon-toed,
seven-sided, glazed-eyed son of a saw
horse.”
A minister at Richmond, Va., recent
ly swooned while marrying his old
sweetheart to another man. If his part
of the ceremony made him swoon, what
nerve the man who was married must
have had to stand up under it.— Boston
Post
A noted physician says many persons
simply by deep and rapid inhalations of
pure air, can beoome as intoxicated on
oxygen as if they had taken a draught
of alcoholic stimulants. Here is a point
for the man who lifts been walking rap
idly home from the club in the night
air.
“Well, Andrew,” a gentleman re.
marked to a Scotchman, who, with his
brother, was the only remnant of a nar
row sect, “I suppose you and Sandy
are the only bodies who will get to
heaven, now?” “Deed, sir,” replied
Andrew, shaking his head, “an’ I’m no'
sure about Sandy.”
These was a young lady in Worcester
Bo scared by a crow of a roroester,
That her mother cried, Hannah—
I’m surprised at yourmannah!
Why don’t you behave as you ucester?
A quiet young uian from Shanghai
Indulged in a piece of mince pai;
His life work is o’er ,
His form here no nioer
Will visible be to the ai.
At a whale exhibition, a youngster
asked his mamma if the whale that swal
lowed Jonah had as large a month as the
one before them why didn’t Jonah walk
out at one comer. “You must think
Jonah was a fool; he didn’t want to walk
out and get drowned,” was the quick re
ply of a younger brother, before the
mother could answer.
“Thrashing by steam,” murmured a
fond mother as she glanced at an article
in an agricultural paper. “What git
ups they do have nowadays. If I had had
one of those steam thrashers for my four
boys, my arms wouldn’t have been as
rheumaticky as they are to-day,” and
she dreamily thought of the past as it
might have been.
From time immemorial hairpins have
been accused of various idiosyncrasies,
but never, until lately, of actual crime.
This mediocre record has recently been
varied in Manchester, England, where a
hairpin has been found guilty of murder
in the first degree. A woman lay down
upon her bed to sleep, and presently
awoke a corpse, to all intents and pur
poses, for she lived only a few moments.
An examination showed that a hairpin
had been driven njore than two inches
into her brain.