Newspaper Page Text
VO I, V. NO. 15.
K Discrowned.
While yet tli#* lagging Summer lifts the glow
Of her glad vintage, pledging all who
drink
A reign that's endleea, at the beaker’s
brink
The hug lee of the Autumn blow and blow.
Bo doth the lesguorod Bummer, startle!,
turn
To seo the traitor maples aflame,
An«l, as thongb hiding a repentant shame,
The cheeks of her disloyal ivies burn.
Then all adown the highways far and near,
The golden ro l and asters swift unfold
Besieging banners, mingled blue and gold
Till, straightway smitten with a sudden
’ fear,
iTeo aa she strives to arm her ’gainst the
fo *»
Again the windy bugles blow and blow.
—Lucy K Tilley, in Ifnrfier'e Weekly.
i A CLOSE SHAVE.
itv r. w. Thomson.
List summer, in tho club house of
the Kepoutohewan bait flsbers, a well
known Canadian lawyer told tho follow¬
ing story;
‘‘Borne yean ago, while out for an
afternoon's fishing with my son Harry,
who was then ton years old, I anchored
our skiff off tho northeast or lower end
of Gomoguk island, where ono division
of tho Bt. Lawrence runs in a deep
groove, much frequented by channel
catfidi.
‘’Steamers seldom passe 1 through the
channel where wofl on ted, though the
wash of upward bound boats disturbs
the surface slightly as they swing half
around, about three hundred yards
down river, to enter the southern and
•trnightcr, though shallower, channel,
which most pilot* prefer.
“Harry found the occasional rocking
by atcambont waves a pleasant varia¬
tion from tho scarcely procoptiblo mo
tion with which we drifted—only one
at our sixty-pound weights being out
as a bow anchor—against tho gentle
current, under tho pressure of a breezo
up stream. Tho sharp stern of the skiff
floated freo, and, ri ling with forty foot
of lino out, she swayed from sido to
sido of the doop water, which never
furnished me with better sport than on
that day.
Ii Tho big, dnu-backed, yellow
bellied, strong, cloau, tontaclod fish
took my minnow? engorly, nnd f&ught
in a highly satisfactory m mucr for thoir
own lives. Bo it wont*on, till Harry,
who had come out with emphatic as¬
severations that ho would gladly fish
till midnight, disclosod a kconor en¬
thusiasm for something to eat about
tea-time than ho did nbout the fish I
was catehiug, nnd often inquired anx¬
iously wlvcn I intended going homo.
“I lingered, however, for ‘jiut ono
moro bite,’—taking four fi*h by tho de¬
lay,—-till tho sun sank slowly behind
the island. Then glancing under my
eyebrows at Harry while stooping to
impale a now minupw, his woe-begone
little face gave mo a more distinct
^thrill of compuuctiou, and, flinging
away the bait, I said: ‘Well, small
boys mustn't be made too hungry, I
suppose. Wo will go home uow,
Harry.’
“I was rather astouished that his
face, which had brightened with my
words, suddenly clouded, as he looked
keenly down tho river. Then tho ex
planntion came.
(i i Oli, there’s another steamboat
coming up, father!’ ho cried. ‘Do stay
a little longer! I wish you would stay
till w« get her swell.’
“It was to me a striking illustration
of how curiously and wonderfully boys
•re made. .Here was a lad too hungry
to enjoy tho deep and phiiotophic pleas¬
ure of fishing, but not hungry enough
to forego an obsurd delight in being
'rocked by a half a dozen steamboat
rollers! However, his request coincided
with my inclination, and, putting on a
new bait, I engaged again in the most
■out-satisfying of human pastime?.
“I sat in tho How, with m j face up
stream, Harry watching, with big eyes,
the oncoming steamer, the intermittent
rumble of whose paddle-wheel became
momentarily more dUtinct, till the slap
»nd thrust of each float could be heard
close behind. Suddenly my little bov
j«mped up and excla med, in • tone of
much surprise: *
i« t Why, father, look at the atesm
boat!*
“I turned to see in the twilight the
big, white Theban, not three hundred
yards distant, not swinging into 4fih
•outh channel, but comiug, at about
half speed, straight at where we lay !
“Dszed, 1 sat silent for a moment;
then roared at her, ‘Ahoy, Theban,
•hoyl’ with all my power of lung,
searching mf pockets at the same time
fqr my clasp- knife to cut the anchor
ropa. Thera was no time to haul in the
weight; to cut aijrsy was the only chance
of escape.
“The channel qf the river, as I knew
well, was too narrow for the big boat
to give us more than the narrowest
berth, and there was no sign that her
pilot intended to yield us any. I could
•ee him dimly la the wheel-house, and,
THE ADVERTISER.
apparently, not another soul was on
board.
“She did not slow down in the least,
though I continued to yell madly. The
roar of her paddle-wheels was terribly
loud. , * -
“Harry’s childish treble shrieked
through my hoario shouts, but there
was no sign that we were seen or heard.
Yet it was impossible to believe the pi¬
lot unaware of tho boat in his courso,
lead-colored though it was, and deep
as were the shadows of tho island.
“On she came, during tho few sec¬
onds while theso observations went
through my mind, straight at us. The
swamping of our skiff in tho steamer’s
roll was certain now, even should she
sheer off as much as possible in passing;
certain, even if we had been suddenly
freed from the anchor lino.
“I had passed it through the ring of
the painter before tho bow, and secure 1
it to tho soat. This fastening I tore
away with ono jerk, but there were 50
feet more rope in the c >il lying at my
foot. To run that out through the ring
would require more time than we had,
and to row off rapidly with the rope
lagging across our bow was impassible,
even though many minutes had been to
spare.
“Feeling very helpless and desper¬
ate, I went through all my pockets for
tho knife, till it flashed on me that,
some time before, it had dropped from
the gunwale in which I had stuck it,
nnd was now lying out of roach under
iho footboard, Harry began to cry
loudly, calling, ‘Oh, what will mother
do?’
“The uudula’ion that precedes a large
steamer rocked us. Raising my eye?
from a vain endeavor to get a glimpse
of tho knife the steamer seemed almost
upon m. I never saw a vessel shoulder
up so monstrously at the distance! So
.close was sho that in the twilight I
could clearly sco the re l paint of her
run gleaming in tho water about her.
“With the quick devica and light-,
ning activity of despair I seized an oar,
and, kneeling on tho bow. with. one
downward drive of its handle knocked
tho staple that secured the ring clear
away, and with another motion hung
out the coil of ropo into the water.
“But tho bowsprit pf the Theban
was not five seconds away then. I
struggled madly to get soino headway,
hoping to escape tho paddle-wheels, but
my poor little boy, wild with fear, im¬
peded mo by clinging nbout my legs.
Using all my forco on tho oar a? a pad¬
dle, I did, however, manage to give
her a slight motion up stream, stem
first, but too late; tho next moment the
figure-head and bwclliug bow of the
Theban blotted out the sky, and sho
was upon us.
“Not with her cut-water, fortunately,
or we should have baen instantly
smashed down; it ran out twenty feet
boyond before we were touched. Had
she not been half slowed down to take
the windings of the caannel, we should
doubtless have been overwhelmed by
tho roll of water from her bow; but
somehow tho skiff rode this, and the
next moment was thrust against the
river, and crowded so hard against the
steamer where she widened that wo
moved on as if glued to her side.
“Obviously, this strange situation
could endure but for a few moments
aud then my little fellow and I mast be
drawn uuder and battered to pulp with
the remorselesi crash of the paddle
wheel so terrible and so near.
‘ To leapfarout for escape from them
was impossible. I had clasped Harry
in my arms with some unreasonable
imagination that my interposing my
body would save him from the crushing
blows of the floats. The hope to sink
beneath them did not flish among the
first-crowd iug thoughts of those despair¬
ing moments, not till my glance fell
on the fifty-si*" weight that still lay in
the boat.
“Instantly I stooped, seizel it with
ray right hand, aud, with ray little boy
close hugged, leaped desperately from
the boat into the water.
“The sensation of being sucked or
tiailed through an amazing current, the
jroar of tho battered water, the over¬
powering fear of the cru?l paddles—
how well I remember! Suldenly—it
was as though a wave had flung its mass
at me—my legs were swept down with
the water driven from the impact of the
floats, my hold was noarly j irked from
the fifty-six pounds of w.dght that I
held, then down, down, down u itil the
weight touched the rocky bed. I let
go and rose through twenty feot of
water with a ga*p, to see the Theban
roaring aw*y steadily oh her course. •
“Poor little Hsrry had nevjr cease 1
struggling; he struggled more violently
as now he caught a half-choked breath.
I tore his arm? from my neck with a
desperate motion a? we began to sink
again, and turned his back to me. We
rose again, treading water. I managed
to support his head out of the water
long enough to make him understand
that he must become perfectly motion
less if he wished me to save him.
FORT GAINES. GA.. WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 6. 1889.
“The poor little man behaved spleu
didly after that, but by several slight
immersions had lost his senses in a half
m
drowned faint before I manage! to got
ashore. 1 had, however, no great diffi
culty in restoring him. Fortunately
there was a house on the island, an!
there we spent the night.
“You may be sure that I lost no time
in investigating the conduct of tho
Thoban’s pilot. The man denied all
knowledge of tho occurrence, and I
could sec that he was really surprised
and shocked; but that he felt in some
degree guilty, I could also perceive,
Not one of the deck-hands, none of the
officers, would confess any knowledge
in the matter, and not till tho cr »ss-ex
animation of the crew on ray suit for
damages against the steamboat company
did tho truth come out. Then a clean
breast was made.
“Too pilot had secretly brought a
jug of whiskey aboard, and while tho
captain was below at his tea, the mate
and the whole watch, defying all tho
rules of the company's service, bad
taken occasion to flash the liquor. As
for the pilot, ho explained that he had
been ‘too drunk to do more ’n steer,
sir, and could jest on y see my land
marks. 1 took the north channel,’ he
conclu led, ‘because I wanted folk9 to
know that I was puffickly sober. « ii
Youth's Companion.
The Biggest Bicycle.
Jack Simpson, who ruus a ltdgiug*
house and restaurant in Bangor, M;.,
owus a bicycle which he declares is tho
largest in the world. This wheel is 86
inches in diameter. Simpson is an Eag
lishmnn, and for many years traveled
with circuses and other shows, having
been one of the three “Dacoma
Brothers,” famous a dozen years ago
for their aerial bicycle performances,
They gave exhibitonsat the Crystal Pal
ace, London, at the Cirque Ferando,
Paris, and at other amusement centers
in Europe and tho United States. On
ono occasion Simpson gave an exliibi
tion on his big wheel on a wire suspend
ed 80 feet above the water at lt^cky
river, Ohio, and it xvas called a very
daring performance. ' The big wheel,
which has been around the world, was
built a-t Birmingham, England,at a cost
of $300, and although its diameter is
so great, a double system of pedal
cranks enables a common cycler to rido
it. — Chicago Herald,
An Ornamental Uainp Shade.
The fancy lamp-shades, if at all
pretty, are so expensive to purchase,
that we all welcome a new desigu. A
fourtcen-ycars-old girl of our acquaint¬
ance has just made a very cheap and
effective one. Buy a wire frame, of tho
size to fit your lamp, and cover it with
coarse milliner’s net. Take a piece of
imitation lace of any pretty design, and
measure loosely around the bottom of
the frame the width of the lace from
the bottom. Then allow about a quar¬
ter of this for fullness, and gather it
slightly ou a piece of ribbon of such
length as will fit snugly ar< und the
frame at this point The r bbon is then
gathered to fit the top of the frame,
a narrow piece of lace fulled around to
stand up. A bow of ribbon is placed
at the side, and a fringe of embroidery
silk finishes the lace at the bottom._
American Agriculturist.
A Dog That Loves Chickens.
Mr. Brigham, the dyer, of Orlando,
Florida, has a beautiful and intelligent
little dog, to whom In is very much at¬
tached. He also has a hen. Not long
ago that hen hatched some chickens.
By some incomprehensible mental pro¬
cess that litttc dog imagined that she
wa? the mother of the c'lictens, and she
could not have been more affectionate
to a litter of her own puppies than she
was toward tho little chicks, She cud
dies and fondle? them every day, and
attempts to defend them from all in¬
truders. When taken away from the
brood she whine? cons tan tl /, and when
released at onci goes, back to them.
The hen i? cjmpletely honpiused, and
Mr. Brigham is almost a? badly puzzled.
The little dog and the chicks are the
only ones who seem to understand the
situation.—St. Louis Times Democrat.
The Stormy Petrel.
Stormy pstrels, or Mother Cary’s
chickens, as they are more commonly
called, follow the out-bound vessels in
large flocks, gathering about as soon at
land is lost to view and remaining un¬
til land is once again sighted, unless a
violent storm drives them away. For
the most part they feed on refuse thrown
overboard, but are never fat and always
hungry. Hovering over the food by
patting the water with its webbed feet
and quickly flapping its wings, it ap¬
pears to stand on the water and follows
the food as it drifts about. Sailors re
gard the bird with grear superstition,
biliering some calamity will follow its
wanton killing .—Popular Seienes Month-
UNDER WATER.
Ml the CL
ences of a Diver.
Meeting the Swollen Forms of
Drowned Men.
“Have you ever reflected ou the queer
nature of a diver's business?” says a
writer in 0 use a Week. “Hero, where
I live, thcro is a famous man in this
liue, whom we will call the captain. He
is helpful and big-hearted in his life
above water; and his body is big, too;
6 o large, that you would suppose he
would find it hard enough to walk and
work on land, without going to the
bottom of the sea for exercise, But a
chief part of his occupation is to sink
himself out of sight under the waves,
and go peregrinating about in thatmys
terious region which tho rest of us
never visit if we can help it. lie puts
on a huge, thick diving-suit, which is
water-tight and air-tight, with a big
helmet—containing glass eyes or little
windows—crewed on over his head;
the whole giving him tho air of some
fabulous monster, and swelling him up
to considerably more than his naturally
big bulk. Then he is lowered into tho
depths, with a tube attached to his
helmet, through which he gets air
enough to breathe, and a long
cord for signalling to those obovo
whondfe wants to be hoisted up agajn.
Thus prep trod, he ha? explored a large
part of the bottom of Long Island
Sound, where he once laid, far down in
the tide, the concrete foundation of
Race Rock lighthouse. He is also sent
for, far and near, to inspoct and raise
sunken ships. Imagine what strango,
alarming or ghastly sights he must en
counter in that dismal green world un
^ cr water, infested by clammy crawling
or swimming creatures; where perhaps
bc suddenly comes face to face with the
staring eyes and swollen forms of
drowned men, caught in cabin door¬
ways or jammed amid the wreckage of
lost vessels,
Most of us would hardly feel tempted
to remain in surroundings, But some
times there arc ea?icr j >bs for the div¬
ers; such as working around the piers of
bridges; and then the river bed may be
trausformol into an amusement ground.
I know of two diver? who were em
ployed on the under-water Construction
of some bridga piers in summer,
and they spent so much time
there—paid for by the con
tractors—that the matter had to be
looked into. It was found they had
inveuted a new sport. They caught
two crab?; mirked off a race-course on
the mud; and then, putting the crabs
on the starting-line, they laid bets, and
sent the clawed things erawiiug off side
wise in competition. But the captain
is much moro seriously occupied. And
he once went through a particularly
serious experience worth describing,
die had gone down in hi? d.ving suit,
to attend to some job on the bottom of
a harbor. It was a flue, sunshiny day;
and the captain could see the brightness
at the surface, above him, as we see the
li -ht glowing through a cloudy sky.
Suddenly he became aware of a heavy,
threatening shadow, which advanced
rapidly along the top of the water. He
realized instantly that a large canal
boat, in tow, was about to pass directly
over the air-tube which connected him
with his assistant's boat above. The
tube' was rather taut, and came
so near the surface ju^t there,
that the chances were the keel
of the canal- boat would cut
it in two. If that should happen, the
captain would be a dead man, and his
diviDg suit no better than a shroud.
He not dare to stir, nor even to signal
his assistant by means of the cord at his
waist; for the slightest moveme it in a
wrong direction would only hasten the
disaster he dreaded. On and on came
the shadow, swift and huge; and while
the captain wa ted to see whether it
would destroy him or not, it seemed to
him that years, instead of minutes were
elapsing. The big shadow came right
over him at last, and he felt his air
tube grating against the uneven edge of
the keel. Bcrape—scrape it went, here
and there, and once the captain thought
it bad surely caught on a projecting bit
of metal, or a bo t. If it had, it would
have been dragged a-under in a jiffy.
But, luckily, the tubj did not catch.
The awful shadow pa sed. Tne captain
pulled his cord, was raised to the sur¬
face—glad enough to bs in the air
again—in the world above the water!
It was a narrow escape.
Inviting Sympathy.
A little fellow between 2 and 3 year?
old was puniihed for some misdeed
when his pap? was at work. After cry
ing savagely for a few m>ments he ran
to the windnw, and, looking through
his tears into the street, caded out:
“Papa, papa, come la and see the baby
cry .”—Toledo B ade,
Riding on Elephants.
After a couple of comfortless nights
in the train we reach a small terminus
in India, from which a five-mile ride on
an elephant lands us in what is known
as the Nepal-terai. Tho elephant on
which wo ride is a small one, and is
supposed to shake tho rider as little as
possible, but to us novices tho shaking
is far from being a gentle one. At a
word from his “mahout”—a wild-look¬
ing creature who sits between tho ele¬
phant’s ears and pricks him with an
iron staff—he goes down on his knees,
and one climbs on to his back as best
one can, bolding on by his tail with
both hands and trying to get a footing
on his slippery quartors. At last one
manages to scramble up, and one finds
one’s self on a square cushion, almost
as slippery at the elephant’s back. Tho
first time, when tho great beast rises on
his fore leg?, then on his hind ones, it
is all one can do to hold on by tho ropes
which are fastened to the sides of the
pad; but practice makes porfect, and in
a short time one learns to adapt one’s
self to the curious motion. A good
small elephant will sliuffij along easily
at the rate of five miles an hour, climb¬
ing stoop,, ravines and other obstruc¬
tions, so that the rider often finds him -
self hanging on in an almost perpendic¬
ular position. No animal is so sure¬
footed as an elephant, He will climb
steep banks, and slide down into river¬
beds, with as much ease as an Irish
pony, but he particularly objects to a
bog, and let no one attempt to ride him
over one; for if he finds himself sinking
in, his first impulse is to drag tho rider
off and put him under his feet, by way
of having something to stand on—a
proceeding one would hardly approve
of .—Nineteenth Century.
Tlie Flood Cure for Baldness.
In a letter received by Dr. M. Mar
bury, residing at the corner of Inde¬
pendence avenue and Locust street, this
city, is related an incident which is in¬
deed marvellous, and, coming directly
as it does, is beyond all doubt true.
The letter is from Mr. Frank Marbury,
a cousin of Dr. Marbury, who is just re¬
covering from a frightful experience in
the-Johnstown flood. For seven long
hours he battled with the waters for his
life. Every hour seemed a day, but at
last he was rescued several miles from
tho place where the hotel had stood.
The strang j part of the story is yet
to come. Mr. Marbury is 38 years of
age, and for 12 years he had been en¬
tirely bald, and the top of his head had
become quite popular with the flies as a
summer resort. He had used the won¬
derful hair restoratives people read
about in the hopes of parting the hair,
but all to no purpose; it refused to
grow. Two days after the flood he no¬
ticed a downy substance all over the
hitherto bald head. As time passed the
down became hair, which grew remark¬
ably fast, and now has reached the
length of one inch all over his head.
Largest Fig Orchard in the World.
Tire largest fig orchar J in the United
States is about to be set out in Pomona
valley, Cal., between Pomona and Onta¬
rio. .It is to bo the property of a syndi¬
cate composed of two wholesale fruit
dealers in Chicago and one in Philadel¬
phia and two fruit growers in Pomona.
The laud has been contracted for, and
planting will begin next winter, when
the land will have been prepared.
The syndicate has had two men mak¬
ing experiments growing fig trees in
Southern California for nearly two
years, and is convinced that California
figs will in time crowd all foreign fig?
from the Eastern market. The orchard
will consist of 11,000 white Adriatic fig
trees and 5000 Smyrna fig trees, planted
eighty to the acre, on 200 acres. Later
a building will be erected for drying
and caring figs for market.— San Fran
cisco Chronicle.
Subsisting on Dried Coca Leaves.
The dried leaves of the coca plant,
which is cultivated on the slopes of the
Andes, form an important article of in
ternal trade am >ng the various native
tribe?. It is estimated that not less
; than 3,000,000 pounds are consumed
annually. Alter the morning meal
men and women alike take a mouthful
of the leaves mixed with a little lime:
fresh leave? are added throughout the
day, and without any additional food
the consumer is enabled to do a hard
day’s work.
A Maa of Family.
Prody. — “I hear you’ve been getting
married.”
Tooker. —“Yes.”
Prodley. — “Whomdid you marry?”
Tooker.—“MiLy Jones, her mother,
her step-father, and two maiden aunts.”
Division of Labor.
Natalie—On, Mr. Dec ou rev, I am tired
0 f this frivolous life! How fatiguing
to sit and hold one’s hands all day.
Mr. Decourcy— Why not have some
one to hold them for you?— Munuy’§
Weekly .
WILL B. GRAHAM, Editor and IManager
CHILDREN’S COLUMN,
DAISIES.
At evening when I go to bed,
I see the stars shine overhead;
They are the little daisies white
That dot the meadow of the night.
And often, while I’m dreaming so.
Across the sky the moon will go;
It is a lady, sweet and fair,
Who comes to gather daisies there.
For when at morning I arise,
There’s not a star left in the skies;
She’s picked them all and dropped them
down
Into the meadows of the town.
—The Independent,
SPEAK KINDLY.
A young lady had gone out walking.
She forgot to tako her purso with her
and had no money in her pocket.
Presently she met a little girl with a
basket on her arm.
“Please, miss, will you buy some¬
thing from my basket?” said tho lititlo
girl, showing a variety of book marks,
w atch cases, noedlo books, etc.
“I’m sorry I can’t buy anything to¬
day,” said the young lady. “I haven’t
any money with me. Your things
look very pretty.” Sho stopped a
moment and spoko a fow kind words to
tlic little girl; and then as she passed
she said again: “I’m very sorry I can’t
buy anything from you today.”
“Oh, Miss,” said the little girl,
“you’ve done me as much good as if
you had. Most persons that I meet say:
‘Got away with you!’ but you have
spoken kindly and gently to me, and I
feel a heap better.”
That was “considering the poar ”
#
How little it costs to do that! Let us
learn to speak kindly and gently to the
poor and suffering. If wo have noth¬
ing else to give, let us at least give
them our sympathy.
hay’s bank.
It was under a plank of the great
barn floor, a placo just large cuougb. to
hold the throo bushels of huzel-auts
which Ray had picked and carefully
hoarded there,—and this was tho bank.
“ ‘If folks save only a little every year,
they’ll have money to spend when they
aro old,’ papa says. So I’ll just not oat
all of my nuts right up, aud keep some
for next winter,” said Ray, sagely.
So he and the squirrels worked to¬
gether, through tho brilliant autumn
weather. Ho was as busy as they, and
hoarded his wiuter store as carefully,
so when the crimson aud gold leaves
turned to browu, las bank was full.
Every day he went to peep into it,
until he went with mamma to visit at
grandpa’s. They stayed two weeks,
and what a long time it was to the lit¬
tle boy with a bank to look after!
Grandpa’s nice, sweet apples and
grandma’s brown, twisted doughnuts
didn’t taste half as good as they gener¬
ally did.
Grandpa and grandma, and all of the
uncles and aunt*, worried and wondered,
and said he was surely sick,—but then
they didn’t know about the loose plank
in the groat barn floor, and tho store of
wealth under it, and what a care it
was!
It was the first thing Ray thought ol
when he got home, you may bo sure.
And this is what he found there—
empty husks!
As if somo one had filled his bank
with counterfeit money while he was
away.
His bank had failed !
“A family of chipmonks havo been
very busy here for a week,” said papa.
“I shouldn’t wonder if they were the
thieves, and 1 think that their bank is
under that old pine tree that I’m going
to cut to-day.”
And there it was! Under tho great
twisted roots he found another bank,
filled to the brim with the wealth of
his.
So he was more successful than some
bank officers, but he said, gravely, as
he stored his nuts away in a safer place:
“After all, papa/ I don’t b’lieve
banks are a sure, solid thing, do you?
Some men are as bad as chipmonks, you
j know. I b’lieve the best way is to try
and ’joy things as you go along, and
make folks happy a? you can,’stead of
putting lots of money in the bank to
lose, or be quarrelled over when you
are gone.”
Wise little Rty. — Youth's Companion.
An Island's Queer Plight.
* A queer state of affairs is described by
the Portland Oregonian: “Brown’s
■ Island, a few mi’es up the river from
i Salem, formerly belonged to Polk
County, but now the main channel of
the Willamette has changed and inse¬
parably welded the island to the main
1 land in Marion County. Some of the
J residents don’t appear to knew just
I where they should vote, pay taxes and
, send their children to school, but unless
tho river changes again they will have
| citizens bid Crowell in old Polk forever and to make all rights, the beat u
1
of it u» their new home, ”
The Stage Coach,
■nrnished and battered and old,
Heartlessly hidden away,
Left to the moth and the mold,
Darkness and dust and decay.
This was the pride of its day.
Now all its glory is o’er—
Faded and vanished for aye;
Gone ore the driver and fonrl
How shall its story be told?
What shall a song of it say?
Once it was brilliant as gold.
Once it was gilded and gay.
Fine in their festal array,
Mauy tho bride that it bore.
Now are they wrinkled and gray;
Gone are the driver and four!
‘Long through the heat and the cold.
Ever from May until May,
Over the highways it rolled
Time has now made it his prey.
Never a stately display,
Never a dash as of yore,
Never a swing or a sway;
Gone ore the driver and fourl
Over now roads that men lay
Rush wo with rattle and roar.
Only sweet memories stay;
Gone are the driver and fourl
—Bissell Clinton in Harper's,
HUMOROUS.
A police court might well be called a
fine institution.
A horso may pull with all his might,
but never with his mano.
When tho barber talks too much, his
stories aro generaly illustrated with
cuts.
A Michigan girl goes about smashing
window glass. There seem,? to bo no
record of any girl who has smashed a
looking-glass.
Beggar—A thousand thanks, my good
sir, for tho splendid coat you have givon
me; but I cannot wear it. It would
ruin my business—not a soul would give,
me a farthing f
A floating nowspaper paragraph says
that a lady, aged 80, has just been tak¬
ing piano lessons. Even tho old and
feeblo can got square with their neigh¬
bors when they go about it right.
Scone, the garden of a country villa.
—Passerby (at tho gate):
what is tho matter up at tho house—
that terrible screeching?’’ Gnrdener
putting his hand to his oar to listen):
“I can’t mako out exactly.. Either the
lady is practising singing, or some vile
animal has got into the hen-house.”
Aii Unavailable Vacancy.
A naval officer tolls a good story on
a certain retired admiral. Ho was a
chronic applicant, and as ho was not
thought to possoss sufficient wit, talent
or ability to fit him for any responsible
place, his wants were seldom honored
with tho giving. He applied for every¬
thing in sight, sometimes for two or
three things at once, and as he was
often on waiting orders around Wash¬
ington ho had good opportunities for
pushing his claims. He smelt vacancies
far ahead, and would often apply for
places months ahead of time. Oacethe
post of surgeon-general was vacant, but
not being a “doctor” tho admiral was
barred out. He was sitting in one o f
the navy department rooms one day
reading, hidden by a desk, when a pass¬
ing officer stopped to chat with the
clerk who abode there.
“Who’s to be made surgeon-general?”
he asked jocosely.
“Old Admiral-, of course,” was
the half laughing reply of the clerk,
ignorant of the presence behind him.
“By Jove!” cried that person him¬
self, springing to his feet. “You don’t
mean it. When was it done?”
It took some time to convince him
that ho had not been made a surgeon
general, despite his failure to make ap¬
plication.
On another occasion he was chatting
with a brother officer at the navy yard,
digesting the nows of the day, which
the other read out piecemeal from a
newspaper. Suddenly the reader started
and lowered nis paper.
“Heavens and earth!” he exclaimed to
his startled visitor, “here’s a vacancy
for you at last!”
“What is it?” was the excited re¬
sponse. “Quick, tell me Vhat it is f”
“The Empress of Russia is dead,”
the officer managed to ejaculate between
his shrieks of laughter.
The disgusted wanter never survived
the title of “the Empress.”— Washington L
Star.
His Heart on His Right Side.
Frank Havens, aged 38 years, dropped
dead recently at Council Bluff?, Iowa.
A post mortem examination disclosed
an abnormal arrangement of the vital
organs. The heart was on the right
side, the apex lying against the second
rib. About two quarts of blood sur¬
rounded the heart. The liver was on
the left.side of the abdomen and tha
stomach on the right. His lung* were
only one-third the normal size, and
were pressed upward. How the man
could have lived any length of time
after birjtb seems a mystery to the sur¬
geons. -The coroner’s jury returned a
verdict that death resulted from a rup¬
ture of the heart.
t ■