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(StFof G® unary
WpEOPLE» J
Zeke Candler, representative from a
Mississippi, worships the Tombtgbee
river so fervently that in Washington ~
he is known as Tomhighee Candler and -
the stream Is called the Candler Tom- ~^.l
Encli year the treasury opens and fe
poors a mellow stream of gold Into the ■>, xw»>-, *
Tomhighee for improvement purposes, &
and each year, In praise of this gra- %W" /
clous act on the part of Uncle Sam, A , r
Tomhighee Zeke arises In his place on m
the floor of the house and sings a song V ,
of praise.
suggested Kick Longworth.
At this point Zeke Candler arose in his might and delivered the ultimatum
that if the Tomhighee was stricken from the bill the measure could not pass.
“Is that so?” said Jim Mann. “Well, the senate passed a hill the other day
where this river Is slurringly referred to as the Tom IJeckby. Now I want to
know whether the gentleman calls this the Tomhighee river or the Tom
Beckby, two names.”
“Even the senate of the United States,” replied Zeke with great dignity,
“If It were an august body of idiots, would not undertake to change the name
of the Tomhighee, because If they did it would change the history of the
United States of America.”
- ■ ■ Secretary Lane is nearly always
colored inhabitants, of the western part
JJJt* ' i confer citizenship on 18G Sioux In-
Mm&gM Yff"* diuns. He invented a brand new cere
yd monial and did things up brown, so to
name, handed a bow and arrow and
PjaPjSyffim\ That means that you* are no longer to
from this day forward to live the life
of your noble race, and of the pride you feel that you come from the first of
all Americans.”
The Indians were all given a badge of American citizenship and a United
States flag. To each of the women were given u work bag and a purse.
Representative Joseph Taggart of —————————————
Kansas Is quick to resent any slum at acy
the Sunflower state and bristles up
whenever one seeks to revive bewhis- Me
kered Kansas Jokes which were pop- B
ular (outside of Kunsus) a quarter of w
a century ago. Knowing Taggart’s re- f .
gard for the dignity of ids home state, j. _ J. „
several of his Colleagues on the house
There was a meeting before the i
committee, which Taggart was tumble
to attend, on the woman suffrage reso- |
generally and did not refer to any J ,
state now boasting equal rights. Tag- 1
part’s colleagues, however, told him l
the lawyer had lambasted Kansas. At OTEKsEr
the next meeting of the committee the G^gr
lawyer reappeared. Taggart was on
hand and grilled the New Yorker unmercifully. The lawyer defended himself
as best he could under the cross-examination.
When the meeting adjourned the lawyer asked Taggart why he had been
so severe. The congressman retorted that he would not permit any man to
belittle Kansfts. The lawyer insisted he Said nothing that could be considered
derogatory to the western commonwealth and, in fact, had a high opinion of
the people of the state.
Taggart at this moment happened to look around and caught his colleagues
smiling broadly. Explanations followed. Taggart apologized to the New
Yorker, but is awaiting an opportunity to get even with the practical jokers.
ESTHER CLEVELAND AIDS THE BLIND
' Miss Esther Cleveland, daughter
of the late Grover Cleveland and
« known in her early childhood as the
“White House Baby,” has been asso
ciated with Red Cross work and is now
aiding the work of the allies in the
care of the blind at St. Dunstau’s col
lege, Regent’s park, London.
Miss Cleveland was born in Wash
ington during her father’s term as
president and there have been many
blinded In the European war that assistance for those thus afflicted appeared
more desirable, and she devoted her time to learning how to instruct these
sufferers before she proffered her services.
TOMBIGBEE CANDLER
LANE AND THE SIOUX
CHAMPION OF KANSAS
THE DOUGLAS ENTERPRISE, DOUGLAS, GEORGIA.
A Scrap
of Paper
»
Bu HELEN CROFT
(Copyright, 1816, by W. G. Chapman.)
“It’s hard; it’s mighty hard,” said
Capt. Eli Holmes to the young woods
man.
Walt Blake had come down from the
Bangor region to the coast to develop
the Richardson tract. He had invested
the savings of ten years in the part
ownership of a sawmill, and saw
wealth ahead of him. He had lodged
with Captain Eli in the old sailor's un
pretentious cottage at Shreve. Captain
Eli had a daughter —Lida, a lass of
nineteen, who was the apple of his eye.
The young people had been mutually
attracted to each other. Then Walt
had spoken vaguely of selling out.
“What in thunder you want to sell
out for when the mill’s cleared you two
thousand this season, with tivlce as
much in view?” Captain Eli had asked.
Walt told him with simple frank
ness, and the two simple men dis
cussed the situation.
"She knows all about it?” asked the
captain.
Walt nodded. It staggered the cap
tain. He did not know how to meet
such a situation.
“Now here’s the facts,” he said
presently. “We’ll get the facts straight
first. Ten years ago, when you was
twenty-one, you was a clerk in a city
office. You married a gal in the same
office. You loved her, and she was one
of them flighty women like the summer
boarders we get here. Now after three
years when there wasn’t no babies
she got naturally restless and left you.
And went on the stage. And the life
. ■ - ■ 1 —**
“I Am Not Afraid to Have the World
Spit on Me."
she led as Miss Stella Blythe didn’t
seem to make it possible to take her
home again.”
“She wouldn’t have come,” said
Walt.
“Well, that’s settled,” the captain
went on, pondering between puffs of
his pipe. “She wouldn’t get no di
vorce, because she wanted to spite you.
Lord. I know them women! And she
wasn’t going to marry when she could
have a better time as she was. And
so you haven’t seen nothing of her for
seven years. And you’ve lived straight
and true, and tried to forget the past
by going into the woods, which is the
best place, next to the sea, whore a
man can get next to his own heart.
Well, sir. You loved my dnrter.
“You and Lida just took to each
other naturally, for which I can’t find
it in my heart to blame you. And this
love kind of surprised you, so that the
mischief was done before you was
aware of it. And you was for going
away. And Lida asks you why, and
you ups and blurts out the truth. And
you don’t believe in divorce, according
to your training. What are you to do?”
“That’s it.” said Walt. “I can’t di
vorce her. I'd feel that I'd thrown a
challenge into the teeth of God him
self. And I can't give Lida up now —
not after she says she’ll stand by me.”
“It’s a hard situation,” said Captain
Eli. “But my belief is this: Do the
right thing—and never mind the cost.”
The door opened and the girl came
in. She had evidently overheard the
discussion, for she came up to her
lover and put her arm about his neck.
“I am not afraid to have the world
spit on me,” she said, “if Walt isn’t.”
“It isn't that, my girl,” said Captain
Eli. “It’s having your own heart con
demn you.”
There was a long pause in the room.
The rising wind blew freshly through
the open window. Outside the wind
was moaning wildly.
“This Stella Blythe, now —how long
since you heard of her?” asked the
captain iiresently.
“Seven years since we met. But I've
heard of her, of course. She’s touring
the country with a theatrical troupe.”
“Well known?”
“Not very . Why do you ask?”
“She might get tired.”
“She’ll never tire of that life,” said
Walt with conviction.
“Now see here, my lad.” said Cap
tain Eli. “You’ve got two things to
do. Either do right or wrong. But
if you’re going to do what your heart
tells you God forbids, why not offend
him by getting a divorce, instead of
wronging him and my gal as well by—
what you proposed doing?”
There was a long silence. Presently
Lida broke it.
“I have been thinking,” she suid.
“and I have made up my mind. I am
going to say nothing. I am going to
let Walt decide. I know that I shall
never love anybody but Walt, and if
he chooses God instead of me, I shall
love him the rest of my life just as
I do now.”
Captain Eli paced the floor in agita
tion. “Walt,” lie said, “you did a man
ly thing in coming to me. It ain’t the
sort of situation that a man reckons
to find himself up against, and I ain’t
going to drive you to underhanded acts
by saying more than this: Do your
duty, Walt, and never mind the conse
quences.”
Walt looked from one to another.
It was, actually, one of those human
situations that are never written about,
because it was so dramatically simple,
lie recognized the fearful decision that
had been thrust upon him.
“Give me five minutes,” he said qui
etly.
The wind had risen to a gale. The
dust was whirling along the road out
side. It had nearly grown dark, and
lights had sprung up iu the cottage
windows.
A fragment of newspaper blown
along by the wind, fluttered upon the
window sill and dropped almost with
in reach of Walt’s fingers. He picked
it up absently and remained silent.
Gradually the ticking of the clock came
to dominate the room.
At lust Walt lifted up a haggard
face. “I’ve made my choice, now,” he
said. “I’m going to sell out; I'm go
ing north again. And I shall never see
you again,” he said to Lida.
She hid her face in her hands with
out answering, but Captain Eli
stretched out his great hand and
crushed that of the other.
“Light the lamp before he goes,”
whispered the girl. “I want to look at
his face again—so that I shall remem
ber him for always.”
The spurt of the blue flame illu
minated the little room. Then the
flame of the lamp shot upward. In
silence Lida and Walt looked at each
other.
Walt’s eyes dropped upon the piece
of newspaper which he held iu his
bund. Mechanically he read it.
“San Antonio, Texas,” he read. "An
inquest will be held tomorrow regard
ing the sudden death of the actress,
Stella Blythe, which occurred under
suspicious circumstances at her hotel
yesterday. Miss Blythe, whose name
was actually Mrs. Blake, is said —”
There the news ended with the tear
in the paper.
Walt laid the scrap down, and Cap
tain Eli took it up and read it. Then
he handed it to the girl.
“God has decided,” said the old sea
man gravely.
Outside the wind howled and raved.
But there was warmth and love inside
the cottage.
NEW CURE FOR DYSPEPSIA
Cowboy, Struck by Lightning, Revives
and Immediately Demands
Rea! Food.
According to Mike Keating, a cow
boy employed upon the ranch of J. H.
Boyce near Dalhart, Tex., no remedy
can begin to compare with a stroke of
lightning for curing stomach trouble
and restoring a badly impaired appe
tite.
Keating was standing by a wire
fence upon the ranch recently when a
bolt of lightning came along and
knocked him over. He was uncon
scious for several hours, and it was
thought for a time he was dead.
Finally he opened his eyes and
looked about him, and his first words
were:
“Say, you-alls, get me something to
eat mighty quick; I’m just about starv
ing.”
In the group around the cot was
“cookie,” who well remembered the
hard time he had experienced for
many months in trying to supply
Keating’s dainty appetite and not
arouse stomach pains, of which the
cowboy was eternally complaining.
“What’ll you have? A poached egg
and a piece o’ buttered toast?” in
quired “cookie.”
“I want some real grub. Bring a
stew of meat, beans and as much other
fodder as you can stir up.”
Keating ate the first big meal he
had been able to stow away for many
months, and what is more to the point,
he is keeping up the gait ever since.
Not This Time.
Suave and cordial, the variety agent
leaned back in his swing chair.
“Yes, that little show of yours should
go down very well,” he said, tapping
his plump, beringed fingers on the
table.
“It will be a thriller,” confidently as
sented the rather shabby-looking actor.
“I'm ’ sure you’ll not regret the day
Mr. Solomons, when —”
“Tut-tut! We'll see what the public
think of it.”
“Quite so. And the salary?”
“I thought we’d arranged that, my
boy.”
“Y< s, but —er —what about the con
tract ?”
“Don’t you worry about that,”
laughed the suave agent. “There's no
need for writing between you and me.
A verbal contract is quite sufficient.”
A cold, calm gleam shot into the
eye of the s. 1. a.
"Listen here,” he said, bending for
ward. “Let me see the writing. The
last time I had a verbal contract 1
drew a verbal salary.”-—Philadelphia
Inquirer.
;t v - , f
Ingenious Mr. Smith.
When Mr. Smith —your intimate
friend Smith—awoke the other morn
ing he was greeted by ids wife with
this:
“My sweet boy, do you know you
came home late last night, and that
you talked in your sleep?”
“Great Scott! No, did I?’ said Smith,
badly agitated. “What did I say? Tell
me.”
“I just couldn’t make it all out, but
it ended like ante-up-jackpot stake.”
“Oh, yes, yes, my dear, I was recit
ing a little Esperanto that a friend was
teaching me; I intended to tell it to
you when I came home. It means
‘How is my darling girl tonight?’ ”
SOAP IS STRONGLY ALKALINE
and constant use will burn out the
scalp. Cleanse the scalp by shampoo
ing with “La Creole” Hair Dressing,
and darken, in the natural way, those
ugly, grizzly hairs. Price. SI.OO. —Adv.
David Guessferd, thirty years
mourned as dead, recently returned to
his parental home in Townsend, Ind.
Before some preachers condemn a
sin they investigate its financial stand
ing.
What is Castoria
C ASTORIA is a harmless substitute for Castor Oil, Paregoric, Dropo
and Soothing Syrups. It is Pleasant. It contains neither Opium,
Morphine nor other Narcotic substance. Its age is its guarantee. It
destroys Worms and allays Feverishness. It cures Diarrhoea and Wind
Colic. It relieves Teething Troubles, cures Constipation and Flatulency. It
assimilates the Food, regulates the Stomach and Bowels, giving healthy and
natural sleep. The children’s Panacea —The Mother’s Friend.
The Kind You Have Always Bought, and which has been in use for over
30 years, has born the signature of Chas. H. Fletcher, and has been made under
his personal supervision since its infancy. Allow no one to deceive you in this.
All Counterfeits, Imitations and “Just-as-good” are but Experiments that
trifle with and endanger the health of Infants and /f _
Children—Experience against Experiment. A J'
Genuine Castoria always bears the signature of
SOMETHING FLY COULDN'T DO
Robbie Was Able to Point Out Its
Limitations When Called Upon
to Admire Insect.
In the opinion of some persons, the
new teacher was going almost too far
in her attention to nature study. How
ever, the children appeared to enjoy
it all, and, so far, no parents had made
open objection to the little talks on
birds, insects, and flowers with which
the teacher diversified the routine of
school work. So all went along quite
comfortably until the afternoon when
the fly and the flea were up for con
sideration.
Following the teacher’s lead, the
children had all grown enthusiastic
over the astonishing acrobatic abilities
of the fly—all except Robbie May, who
for some time had been staring mood
ily at his desk, casting only occasional
glances at the teacher, and those un
mistakably sullen.
It became so noticeable by the time
they were all admiring the fact that
the fly can walk on the ceiling, that
the teacher paused and turned to the
boy.
“What is the trouble, Robbie?” she
inquired. “Arent’ you listening?
Aren’t you interested in the talk?”
“Ye-es,” granted Robbie, reluctantly
polite. Then, warming up. “but I bet
a fly can’t hang by its knees, and
every boy in school can do it, all ’cept
Laurie Lee, and he’s had the dipthery!”
—Youth’s Companion.
What She Wanted.
Lydia Virginia was having her fifth
birthday prepared for her. Grandma
baked her birthday cake and made her
a little sample cake. Lydia Virginia,
on breaking the sample apart, ex
claimed : “Why, grandma, this is not
the kind of a cake I want.” Ques
tioned what kind she wanted, she ;.n
--swered: “Why, I want my cake when
you cut a piece of it to look like a
spotted cat.” Her grandma baked a
marble cake and when cut Lydia Vir
ginia was delighted, and said: “This
is it, grandma; this is the kind of a
cake I wanted.” —Cleveland Leader.
To Fortify the System Against
Summer Heat
Many users of Grove’s Tasteless Chill
Tonic make it a practice to take this old
standard remedy regularly to fortify the
system against the depressing effect of
summer heat, as those who are strong
withstand the heat of summer better than
those who are weak. Price 50c.
Something in His Favor.
“There’s one thing I will say for
that fellow whose mistakes cause so
much trouble.”
“What is it?”
“He doesn’t claim that his inten
tions were good, anyhow.”—Detroit
Free Press.
A bore is a person who has nothing
to do but sit around and visit.
Sties, Granulated Eyelids, Sore and Inflamed
Eves healed promptly by the use of ROMAN
EYE BALSAM.—Adv.
You might do worse than exaggerate
the goodness of your friends.
_ Buy materials that last
Certain-teed
Fully guaranteed ETfe £ • For aale by dealer*
re, possibility ■COOIIIig
General Roofing Manufacturing Company
World's largest manufacturers of Roofing and Building Papers
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MR. WEGE RECOMMENDS
LUNG-VITA
Mr. Leo D. Wege. manager of the Ideal
Laundry of Nashville, wrote: “I cannot
speak too highly of Lung-Vita and of its
results. I never used it myself, but I
bought four bottles of you to give to dif
ferent parties, and the results are remark
able. One case of asthma was entirely
cured. If they will take the medicine as
directed and stick to it, they will never
regret it.” Take Lung-Vita for consump
tion, asthma, whooping cough, > coids,
coughs, and bronchial troubles. If your
dealer cannot supply you, send $1.75 for a
thirty-day treatment today. Nashville Med
icine Co., Dept. B, Nashville, Tenn. Adv.
Got What He Was Looking For.
Jack —Mr. .Benedict is married.
Belle —Do you mean it? Why, he
used to say he would never marry un
less the girl w T as just so and so.
Jack —Well, he struck one who
sewed him up all right.—Judge.
A flirt usually begins to lose inter
est in a man after she gets him to ad
mit that he loves her.
Wright's Indian Vegetable Pills have stood
the test of time. Test them yourself now. Send
for sample to 372 Pearl street, N. Y.—Adv.
Comparatively little work can con
vince a man that he needs a rest.
Most Profitable “Ad."
Do you know what was the largest
harvest ever reaped from an adver
tisement?
It was the settlement in Pennsylva
nia of 100,000 German colonists.
We know that at Germantown, this
city, was made the first German settle
ment in America. We also know that
in fifty years double that many thou
sand Germans came to William Penn’s
colony.
Furthermore, history tells us that
wars and religious persecutions In
Germany caused this then unparalleled
exodus of men and women.
But what brought them to Pennsyl
vania and so made of this the German
commonwealth? An advertisement
written by William Penn himself and
distributed among the Germans alhng
the Rhine who had been stricken by a
thirty-years’ war.—Philadelphia Public
Ledger.
“Lickers” Worth While.
“My papa can lick your papa,”
boasted Johnny, aged six.”
“I don’t care, my mamma can lick
your mamma,” came back Johnny.
“Both of you make me tired,” chimed
in Sammy. “My papa and my mamma
can both lick me, and the worst part
of it is they take turns about doin’ it.”
—lndianapolis News.
COVETED BY ALL
but possessed by few —a beautiful
head of hair. If yours is streaked with
gray, or Is harsh and stiff, you can re
store it to its former beauty and lus
ter by using “La Creole” Hair Dress
ing. Price SI.OO. —Adv.
Some people go to church for the
purpose of obtaining a new supply of
gossip.
.—. A* for and Get <
Skinners
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BAKERY
CHATTANOOGA. TENN
TEACHERS WANTED
schools. WO to |75. (?) Ladles combining music and
common School, nnprecedented demand (3) Grade
and high sehooL Can place all qualified teacbera
for any of the above. Write today Southern
Teachers'Ag’cy,n-MCart>il>a Bait KM*
Start Your lord From the Seat. Get a Titan
Starter. Prevents backfire; guaranteed; fast
seller; agents wanted: liberal commission.
Cheidey Vincent, Dls., Talking Rock, Ga.