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ONE THOUSAND Readers Weekly, Guaranteed. FOR OUR COUNTRY AND HER PEOPLE, FIRST AND ALL TIIE TIME! VOL 14, No. 29 Drivers "\VJio Throw Tlielr Horses. “There ought to he a license system or some scheme to prevent such a fel low driving a horse,” declared a lover of horses as a heavy truck horse fell in Broadway the other day. “That ignorant blockhead made that horse fall. He turned the animal so quickly that he simply threw it oft’ its feet. Now several score of trucks will be blocked until the horse gets on its feet, and then the driver will take it out of the poor animal by jerking at the bit or beating it. “A man wouldn't trust an automo bile to a fellow who didn’t know bow to run the machine, and the law would not allow him to, but he will trust his horse to a boy who hasn't the first idea of handling a horse. Half the drivers of trucks and delivery wagons need some elementary lessons in how to drive, and most of the accidents on the streets are due to their ignorance and stupidity.”—New York Press. Generous UtaU Woman. A woman doctor went to Utah to practice. She was a pleasant lady as well as skillful, and her patients were very fond of her. “How 1 wish.” said one of them, “that I could convert you to our religion! If you would only marry my husband and come and live with us”— The doctor fled in horror to another friend to whom she told the story. fT.-r self respect began to revive and she felt comforted, seeing how the eyes of her listener blazed. “I don't wonder you fee! as you do,” replied the friend indignantly. "The idea! Vhy. that Mr. is perfectly horrid! What you want to do is to marry my husband and come and live with us.”—Plattsburg (X. Y.) Tribune. Tl:e First Iro Cream. A French chef, who prepared the dish for the Due do Chartres in 1774. is said to have made the first ice cream. Lord Bacon was aware of the process of congelation by means of snow and salt, but to him it was a scientific fact of greater or iess interest, and he had no idea of the delightful possibilities of this process on various eatables. Iced drinks and water ices were known to the Parisian epicures a cen tury and a half earlier, the dainties having probably come from the far east by the hand of some traveler who had tested sherbet. The English knew or cared nothing for such artificial re freshment till tlie present century. Even now they do not regard the “iced pudding” with especial favor. Appropriate. One day while ids apparatus for deep sea soundings by means of steel piano forte wire was being constructed Lord Kelvin entered Mr. White’s shop in Glasgow along with the great Dr. Joule, celebrated for his determination of the mechanical equivalent of beat. Joule’s attention was called to a bun dle of the pianoforte wire lying in the shop, and Thomson explained that he intended it for “sounding purposes.” “What note?” innocently inquired Joule and was promptly answered. “The deep C.” The House of Crony.. In France the family of Crony Chanel boasts of descent in direct line from Adam’s third son, Seth. They say at the time of the deluge Noah took their fam ily title deeds into the ark. At then chateau may be seen a picture of thu. event, wherein one of the drowning men waves a scroll above his bead on which is inscribed, “Save the title deeds of the house of Crony.** Throat Trouble. “You look bad, old man. What’s the matter?” “■Throat trouble.” “1 didn’t know you were subject to it.” “Yes. I am. This throat belongs to the newcomer in the next house, who practices singing at all hours of the night.” The StruKKle. An athlete is not made in an hour, and the giant oak is only a specimen of endurance after its hardy conflict with the elements. So it is wi f h the character of a man and of a woman. It is the struggle of the years that makes the heart heroic.—Schoolmaster. Hia loroinflrtcncts, Greene —Do you mean to say that Miss Felcher said I had no head on mo? Gray—Well, if she didn’t say that in so many words she said substantially the same thing. She told Daisy Brown yon were all heart. —Boston Transcript. • * . ! »*-•• your onros VL. r "'’ to : do not continually or. no iUrtttftlftft Wfl B*i*Mf! ■is w 4 C 'C' 4 i ■ ♦ The Sense of Smell. That we have not entirely lost the animal basis of judgment, the sense of smell, is proved by the fact we do tell ourselves very much of other peo ple by the nose, often unconsciously. The blind distinguish their friends hy the smell of handkerchiefs or coats. Unconscious sensations and uncon scious judgments have their field. Wo know far more by smell than is sup posed. Some classes have apparently become degraded in senses as well as habits, for their basis of social judg ment is below that of the animals. Those who have had their senses keen ly educated are accustomed to judge of persons hy odors. Australian children possess the doglike sense of trailing people by scent, and experiment re veals that this is to some degree pres ent in every one. Strong attachments are not so rigidly ideal as we like to suppose. There is a physical basis to all our likes and dislikes. It is this which underlies the demand of refined people that their friends shall be clean ly.—Open Court. Tiie Maittmotli Cave Rat. The cavern rat, found in the Mam moth cave of Kentucky, is of a soft, bluish color, with white neck and feet. It has enormous eyes, black as night, but quite unprovided with an iris. These eyes are perfectly insensible to light, and when the experiment has been made of catching a cavern rat and turning it loose in bright sunlight it blunders about, striking itself against everything, is unable to provide itself with food and finally falls down and dies. In its native depths, however, it is able to lead a comfortable enough existence, as its enormously long whis kers are so extremely sensitive that they enable it to find its way rapidly through the darkness. The principal food of the cavern rat consists of a kind of large cricket of a pale yellow color and. like most other cave dwell ers, itself perfectly blind. 7,3:; irimanial Promotion. The extent to which the lingo of the navy is used as slang in the families of naval odicers, particularly among the women, is instanced by a little story now going the rounds in Wash ington. The youngest daughter of a promi nent naval officer was entertaining t friend who had called to congratulate the eldest daughter, who lately had be come engaged to a captain in the same service as her father. The friend, re marking upon the engagement, sug gested , that the youngest daughter doubtless would miss her big sister, whereupon the girl addressed quickly replied: “Oil, dear, ves! But just think of it— I am advanced a number!” Queer Dreann:. A professor of mathematics dreamed that his son was under the radical sign, and he could not get him out. A Boston drawing teacher had a similar experience. She had been study ing perspective one evening, and dur ing the night her sister heard tier grop ing about the room and opening and closing bureau drawers. “What are you hunting for, Mary?” inquired the sister. “Oil. dear,” moaned the som nambulist, “I can’t find the vanishing point!”—Christian Register. Hard on the Miniwter’s "Wife. A Scottish ministdh lately returned hour)'-* from a long holiday trip on which he had h • a a ompanied by his wife. At a p-rycr meeting shortly afterward an <>•<.» i Top-d up thanks for the min ister's return, but unfortunately put his foot in it. “O Lord." he said, “we thank thee for bringing our pastor safe ho HQ, arid his dear wife, too, O Lord, for thou preservest man and beast!" Burfc nacinj. In tl is world, if you live long enough, you v ,l -grow tired of everything—of men an' 1 wc . mi. of yachts ami dinners, of poky**-* and money making—hut when f 'nation of the race horse gets into tl blood 1* never leaves. It is the gm: i s r - r and the poorest business ev t i tl- ad by man.—Pierre Loriliard Q:i< »<iinn of Time. “Do von i is*- ;b:> woman for better or worse" - : -an tlm clergyman. but before he could proceed further fie was interrupted. “It's to*- early to tell yet.” answered the groom. "You’ll hrrve to give me time, sir.”—Boston Post. If yon ■. -a it the object of your life to in a!; • y:> ■ ■.-•<■ ]f nsefnl and others happy, you will never ask yourself the ouestion. Is life worth living?—Max wc li’3 Talisman. Douglas, Ga., December 12, 1903. Jilv. !.<•<. Uy’.N Torveat «f S;>eecli. A very brilliant Irish lady some years ago arranged that Mr. l.ecky should meet an able and famous Irishman of very advanced opinions ill politics. It was intended that they should ex change' views and the Irishman had a good deal to say about Mr. Becky’s later work and was well able to put what lie had to say in the most ef fective language. The door opened and Mr. Becky was announced, lie was in troduced to the Irishman, and before the latter had time to say anything the historian began a political harangue which lie kept going without cessation the whole time ho was there. The Irishman at first tried to break in with a word, but he was swept away, as it were, in the unceasing flow of Mr. Becky’s language; so after a time he sat in amused bewilderment, waiting until nature gave out. But when Mr. Becky felt he was getting exhausted he rose from his chair, shook hands with the hostess and her guest, keeping on talking all the time. They came out with him to the top of the staircase, hut could not got a word edgeways even then, as he talked all Hie way down to the door and was oven in an unfinished sentence when the door was shut behind him. They looked at each other and roared.—Freeman’s Journal. The Soldier Ant. The lion is the king of beasis, but ail of his magnificent strength and feroc ity would avail him nothing when lie faced a more ant. But this ant is not the usual kind which peacefully goes about its domestic duties day by day. It is the terrible driver or soldier ant, said to be the most invincible creature in the world. Against those tiny enemies no man or hand of men, no lion or tiger nor even a herd of elephants, can do any thing but hurriedly get out of the way. Among the Barotse natives a favorite form of capital punishment is to coat the victim with grease and throw him before the advancing army of soldier ants. The quickness with which the poor wretch is dispatched is marvelous when it is considered that each ant can do nothing more Ilian merely tear out a small particle of flesh and carry it off. Yet in a surprisingly short time tiie writhing victim will have been changed into a skeleton. Waiting For tho Note, An English churchman tells the fol lowing: “At one of our cathedrals the minor canon was ill and could not sing. A suffragan bishop had a good voice and volunteered to sing the litany. ‘Go,’ he said to the verger, ‘and tell the organist that I will sing the litany and ask him to give me the reciting note.’ ‘Please, sir,’ said the verger to the organist, ‘tiie bishop has sent mo to you to say lie will sing tiie litany.’ ‘All right,’ said the organist. Seeing the verger remain, he said, ‘You need not stay.’ ‘Please, sir, the bishop ask ed me to ask you if you would give him a something—l didn't quite catch —note.’ ‘You mean the reciting note.’ ‘That’s it, sir; that’s it.’ Seeing the verger still remaining, he said, ‘You need not stay.’ To which tiie verger said, ‘Please, sir, shall I take it to his lordship?’ ” A Japnnr*e Wedding. A Japanese wedding is a quaintly pretty ceremony. The bride, dressed in a white silk kimono and white veil, sits on tiie floor facing her affianced husband. Near them are two tables, upon one of which are two cups, a bot tle of sake and a kettle with two spouts. On the other are a miniature plum tree, typifying the beauty of the bride; a miniature Ur tree, representing the strength of the bridegroom, and a stork stands on a tortoise, signifying long life and felicity. The bride and bride groom drink alternately from the two spouted kettle in token that they will henceforth share each other’s joys and sorrows. After the wedding the bride’s veil is laid away to be used as her shroud when she dies. Her Husband Was Not In. “Husband in?” asked the gas col lector cheerfully. “No.” answered the woman, “he isn't at home.” “Expecting him .soon?” asked the collector. ••Wei!.” the woman replied thought fully. T don't know exactly. I’ve been lookin’ for him seventeen years, and he hasn’t turned up yet. You travel about a good deal, and if you see a man who looks as though he’d make me a pretty good husband tell him I’m still await in’ anil send him along.” There is no law agaln«t laughter. Yon are here on earth and entitled to i’.J sunshine. Ant Robbed by LUnrd. While walking along the road on the outskirts of Bordigliera I noticed a strange looking insect moving across it in a peculiar way. On getting nearer I saw that what had attracted my notice was a black ant about an inch long with brown wings dragging a cricket bigger than itself. It held the cricket by the head, and us the aat moved backward it drew tbe cricket toward it. While doing so it entered the shadow cast by my umbrella and instantly re leased its hold and got out of tbe shad ow; but, finding there was no danger, it returned and seized its prey again by the head and recommenced its back ward movement. A low wall ran along side the road, and when the ant got within six feet of it a common brown lizard appeared on the top of the wall and evidently soon caught sight of tlie ant, for it ran quickly down tiie wall and to within two feet of it. where it crouched for a second or two like a cat ready to spring and then charged the ant, apparently hutting the cricket free with its head. Before the ant could re gain its liokl the lizard seized the crick et in its mouth and darted up the wall in the direction from which it original ly appeared on the scene, leaving the ant running round and round, moving Its wings in an agitated manner, vainly searching for its lost prey.—Nature. Tito Jill]KUicut of Hull Caine. Before tiie hand of fame dropped her laurels lightly on his brow, to speak poetically, Hall Caine was a publisher’s reader and in that capacity held in his hands the fate of many a book. That his good judgment was not altogether infallible is shown by the fact tmu he read and, so it is sa.d, rejected “The Romance of Two Worlds,” which soon afterward was published and became the success of the year. On one occasion a budding author managed to gain access to his office for the purpose of submitting a book to biin. Rail Caine took the manuscript from tbe man's bands and glanced over it for perhaps twenty minutes. Then he gave it back, with a few words of sug gestion and criticism. “I do not think, Mr. Caine,” said the ambitious writer, “that you should dis pose of my ideas in tin's summary fash ion. That book cost me a year’s labor.” “Indeed!” said Mr. Caine. “My dear fellow, an impartial judge would give yon at least ten!” Tin* Sensation of Hunger. The sensation of hunger has not been easy to explain. The new theory of a German physician is that it is due to emptiness of the blood vessels of the stomach, and it Is pointed out that hun ger is appeased with the rush of blood to the stomach following the taking of food and beginning of digestion. In many anaemic persons who have no ap petite when the stomach is empty the blood vessels are really congested in stead of being empty. Lack of blood in the stomach in health acts on a spe cial nerve, which is a branch of the same nerve trunk as the nerves of the mouth and tongue. A stimulus applied to the tongue, as by a spice, thus in creases appetite, while disease affecting the nerves of the tongue may produce loss of appetite even when the stom ach is empty. Wblppera. In the Press of New Zealand may be read this startling advertisement: “A father desires the services of a trust worthy lady to administer corpora! punishment to his three girls. State salary, reference and experience.” A year or two ago this Spartan par ent’s needs were anticipated by the following advertisement in the Ixmdon Standard: “A clergyman’s widow, strict disciplinarian, gives lessons to unruly boys and giris. Advice letter. ss; borne consultation. Os. Od.; cor poral punishment, from Bs. fid. Visits Mil parts. Terms according to distance, ltods supplied. Is. Od. eu«4t.” Inviting a ItejM-tltlon. One Rummy a teacher was trying to Illustrate to her small scholars the les son, “Upturn good for evil” To make It practical she said. •‘Suppose, chil dren, one of your s-.’ioo miaou should strike yon and the next day you should bring him an apple-- that would be one way of returning good for evil,” To her dismay, one iittle girl spoke up quickly. "Then he won In strike you again to get another app'-d” An Antlior Ftxolnlns. Mrs. Marigold—How do you happen to Ik* so much brighter tbtin other peo ple. Mr. Author? Mr. Author- Well—e •- you see. the criticisms of uiy Ixioks make me smart. Kansas City Journal. Lethal Organ • • • of • • • Coffee County. SI.OO per Annum Complicated Relationship!!. “It’s astonishing when you come to think of it bow the simplest appearing marriages may have complicated re sults,” said a philosopher the other day. “Of course when a man marries a young girl and his son marries the girl's mother the possible offspring have all sorts of relationships with their parents. But take a simpler case. A chap I know married his first cousin’s daughter some years ago and lias two children. Those olive branches are first cousins once removed to their grandfather and second cousins to their mother on tbe father’s side and first cousins twice removed to their father on their mother’s side. Then each is second cousin once removed to himself. A similar state of affairs occurs of course in the case of children of mar ried first cousins. “I think I’ve proved my theorem, haven’t I, that complicated results of ten follow simple enough causes?” Market Value* of Dead Rut*. A New England senator tells a story of n certain wealthy business man in Providence, 11. 1., whose reputation for tight fistedness in business matters is a matter ol' common knowledge even in neighboring states. Not long ago the man of strict busi ness principles engaged a professional ratcatcher to undertake the task of rid ding his warehouse cellars of the trou blesome rodents that infested them. The ratkiiler presented bis bill, show ing that tiie Providence man was in debted to the former in the sum of $lO. “Good gracious,” exclaimed the tight fisted man as he glanced at the bill, “$10!” Then after a second’s pause he anxiously asked: “Don’t I get anything for the rats?”— New York Tribune. Tli<* Secret of Harmony. Young Mrs. Mead, whose experience of married life bad been brief and happy, bad just engaged two servants, a man and his wife, for work at her place. “I am so glad you are married!” sho said to the man, with whom she had. made terms. “1 hope you are very, very happy, and that you and your wife never have any difference of opin ion.” i “Faith, ma’am, Oi couldn't say that,” replied the new servant, “for we iia ce a good inanity, hut Oi don’t let Bridget know of thim, and so we do be getting along well.” A Spider Ilnlloon. Tremendous spiders can be seen in the forests of Java, the webs of these creatures being so strong that it some times requires a knife to cut through them. A Texas spider weaves a balloon four feet long and two feet wide, which it fastens to a tree by a single thread, then marches on board with its little ones, cuts the thread, and away goes the air ship to some distant place to make a new home. Bitter. “No,” said Mr. Crabbp; “I certainly won’t buy you that extravagant bonnet. Isn’t there anything else you’d be satis fied to wear?” “Oil, yes!” replied his wife. “I saw a very plain and cheap one today that I'd be delighted to wear.” “Indeed! Well?” “Well, It’s a widow’s bonnet” —Phila- delphia Press. R<*B»mir«*<]. Angelina (anxiously * Are you sure, dear, that you don't regret It and that you don’t sometimes miss your life us a bachelor? Edwin (with cheerful conviction)— Not a bit I tell you what, Ang.v. I miss it so little that if ! were to lose you—a—l’m blessed If I wouldn’t marry again. The Safer iHethud. “Ray.” began the first man. nibbling his pen. “how do yon spell ‘gibbering’— with a •«’ or a ‘J ?’ ” “I don't spell it at all,” replied the other. "When 1 want to call a man that sort of nri idiot 1 Just say it. I'm not fool enough Jo put it in writing."— Washington Star. Th» Proper Ttilnsr. Miss Keedlck—Mr. Gilley actually of fered himself to Miss IJariey on a postal cant. Miss Gasket—What did she do? Miss Kcedick— Refused lilm. She said she preferred sealixl proposals. We find we can satisfy a fripnd w** have not seen l»«*foi*** rn tw -my yisiM by* telling him ir- doP , .»i't.,loo* a older, bpt if it years we.ha e to make It anr hour.A Atchison Globe