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PARAGRAPHS OF TM P,WIJOD. _ r Vfr-ji [I I iA*iipycar is none, mid many a poor devil in Iqft to hhivyr nUme, Why m a rluvken like a farmer? Ite c*u noth delights in a full crop. Africa, they say, is t ree tiinuaas dense ly populated as Aniurk a, and a great deal blacker. The man whose voice was taxed its ut most is required to cnll around and sec the mimfssor. 1 • 1 I • When a man has “seen his best days” there is one rip isolation, IJo has |ener seen his worst nfsA. Hopeless case; The*Adi grown'young man who calls his mother his ” maw” and his father his ” naw. We'wfsli no nodllv harm tfl onr subseril hers, hut hope that some of those hi arrears will he seined withjjnnnittciit fever. A Tennessee paper says the matrimonial harvest is'ripe. Well why in the thumier don’t you get your cradles ready and go to work ? , . ” liOok a-hnr.” rcinarked a granger to n Main Itreet r<-tnnrer last wsrek 11 sir. your coffee is O. K.. your linsli is about correct, but ain’t yopr eggs a Lectio too ripo?” Surprise i* said to be tiic essence of wit, blitJlt is diflifult to makT married mitt bclif 'e it af|cr lie li*s put on IbneWifc, and found flint there isn’t a collar button on any of them, A South James street man proposed to quit drinking liijuor fora year, if his wife would quit, scolding for a year: but she sifid lift* would hot he worth livirig If she mast rob hor home of pleasure. These are cold nights, anil you can’t bl®me a fellow if ho does keep drawing the bedclothes up a little closer and closer until he wakes trp in the morning and finds Ids apparel to consist entirely of a gigantic necktie. In enumerating the argument* in favor of •evolution, professor Huxley omitted to state that a man Jnvtpp to have his hack scratched as well as a lp>g. hill lie can’t express his satisfaction as keenly liecaus,) ho hasn't any tail to vm:. m A criminal gives no pity—the rohber would make his victim poor, the murderer stints not to make widows of wives and or phan! f innocent children. Whf. tlivnl shouhl criminals receive that which tluy iicyeitgjaoUpitry, • h® paragrajihlsf of the future will write such items as this: “A strong wind came through a window and overturned Mrs. Wecder's crematory jar yesterday forenoon. and her husband’s urmngs were Swept awav in a twinkling.” “What on earth are you doing, Maria?” he yelled, as he saw her whin tiff a roil of her fair false locks and dust them against the rosewood legs of the seven-octave. “I’m only playing inv,favorite hair on the many, dear. * was* all she answered, Tf you marrv, said a Roman consul to hi# son. let it he to a woman who has judg ment enough to superintend the getting of atNefcl of victuals, taste enough to dross hurself. pride enough to wash before break fast. and sense to hold her tongue when she has nothing to say, Tho day after the Presidential election, tho Legislature of Virginia would have abolished the office of adjutant general, made vacant by the death of the incumbent; biit now there is strong talk or electing Gen. Joseph E. Johnson, who has just taken up his residence in Richmond. ■The following is the answer of a new ly married man to the invitation of a Philadelphia friend, who wisbejl him to visit the Ueuteuuil : “ You are vyry\ipd, but since 1 married and lmiiw familiar with mysteries of a woman’s wardrobe, variety shows have lost their charm for me.” ”1 athi willing to risk ray reputation as a publjp man,” wrote Edward nine to the Liverpool Mercury , “if the worst case of smal 1-pox cannot be cured in three day*:, simply by the use of cream of tartar. One ounce dissolved in a pint of water, drank at intervals, when cola, is a certain remedy. It has cured thousands, leaves no marks, nor causes bliuduess. and avoids lingering." It seems unfortunate that the Centennial couldn’t have ufcteifdjtd over titos first'of •January. 'Phis leaves a man with no re sort when he sees a bill-collector coining, except the old one of stepping down into the cellar and leaving word that he has been called away to attend the funeral of a rich uncle out West. This does pretty well, ns wo ATT "Know, hut it is only generous to tUucjdUwWr that he should have a little noiatty now and then. The New York Sun calls attention lo the fit Jliat the London Thitts, the yrepre sentative of English capital and of the greatest interests of the world, manifests no distrust of .Mr. Tildenor the Democracy. The Republicans tried to make the point on him that he was distrusted by the cap italists of Europe. The Times concludes that he is elected and should he inaugura ted, showing that those who value stability, peace and commerce are assured that this country would bo most prosperous under Democratic rule. “ I have fully resolved,” he said at the breakfait,table yesterday morning, not to touch aklfop of the old thing this year, so help me gracious. 1 ' His wife looked pleased and all his friends congratulated him when they heard of the new departure. Last night \vnen he went home at 11 o'clock he was hurrahing for General Jackson and calling on the Louisiana Returning Hoard to throw him out if he ever touched a drop of the old thing in his life Subsequent de velopments revealed the fact that “the old thing” jra*> M’ • * No Moke Sneezing ov bad smells in your uose. Catarrh is cured by Dr. J. 11. McLean’s Catarrh Snuff. It soothes and re- irritation. Trial boxes, 50c. by mail. I>*. J. H. Me Loan, 314 Chestnut St., St. Louis. • . IVnrt < 011111 > lilriTlnrj. * COlJtlTt I*fICKIW. fbhiwnCp-A-'n-d. C. Hb-]Wi<-Don. Clerk Superior Court—C. A Wi>bb. MkerU—fo. A. H*dl4. r ■ Tax JUre\ter—l. M. TliornUm. Tax Collrftitr —K. T Vlrming. Trrasurrr—A. O. lletio. Surveyor —liuuli Mv-Utuu. Coroner—K- rhillliw. , Srtioal Commitrsioner —('ha*. W. SiHflrl. 1 rows ntricttK*. Mayor —John Ft. Skelton. Henretary ana IVeaenrer— ST T. Hrfland. Cnvueilawis—. l. 11. JVintoii, John I’ty-U, JaHii# W. Williuiurt, J. 11. Scott llnrt < omity Kcllkloidi lllm'lor). , MKTWOIHHT. Itr.v. W. TANARUS, Noion.vs. Pastor. in themla-A hi Sahbatli in ixM'li Month. Hartwell —ifnd •* mid Sat unlay la-fore. 1 .W. Xtim —Mil “ at 4 p. 111. Red, wine —It'd “ , MaeritoniA —3rd •* at 1 p. m. Frovidtt tee —4th “ Rev. E. Mitchki.l, Piwtor. fthiliiiiy 3rd Sabbath in each month. Itev. .lons qen.i.AS. Paator. Fellowship —.'lni Saliliatli in each mouth. UAPt^T. Itv. If, M. UaltToS, I’atitAr. Sardlt —tut Sflblmfri and Saltinllty iM-tmv, monthly. Hartwell —4l h “ Ui-y. .1, T. Vkh*<W. Piyloiv . MilUnwo —jd Sal.lmtli mid Satmsliiy before, innqitilV. ]{\ 1,. \V. Ft I'.i'iU'.Sh, Paator.. 1 I / /feAln/'s-f-'t Salami li and Sapedav Wt'mc hmatlin Jfev. .1 aMk* 11. MiMTi.i.rs: Pitahtr* * Fine—.'led Saldmtli and Saturday la-fore, monthly. tired t'rr.k - llli ' Rev. I. 11. Clean, Paator. Cross Hoad* —4tli Saliliatli and Saturday before. Itev. .1 oils I). Adams, Paator. Can no 71 'jp-Vd Sabbath and Satunlay la-forr. moiilhlyf Itev. .T. It. EaIII.K, Paator. Sardis— 2d Sabbath in each mouth. Itev. Thomas Chyme*. Shoal Creek—id Sabbatb ami Saturday before, mo'ly. I 'll KKBYTKRIA N. Rev. John It. Mokton. Paator. /‘loasant Hill—3rd Sabbath Mi’vaWi inontli. ( . All white miniatera in the County, of every denomination, are requeateri to aend in tb<-irap|Miiut menta for publieatioii. .Vo charge whatever. GUM HOTEL, COR. JACHNOX AXO BROAD STRF.ETN, AUGUSTA, GA. i l liorung lily Renovated. Iteinodcled and Kewly I'lirnliiliml. Located in the centre of business ; In convenient distance of the Railroads ; Near the Telegraph end Express Offices. And under the Present Management Will be NiirpuwMed by Mono iu the Smith. JOHN W. CAMERON, Prop’r. TiroS. M. BtxFOHD. Chief’’Clerk. The Augusta. Constitutionalist. OLDEST DEMOCRATIC TAPER IN THE STATE. Published ftnily. Tri-Weekly and Week ly, at Augusta, On. t' k, o-—<— CHEAPEST DAILY IN THE SOUTH ! DAILY: One Year SIX DOLLARS Six Months Three Dollars Tkroo Months One Dollar and Fifty Cents TRIWEEKLY: One Year Four Dollars Six Months .Two Dollars WEEKLY: One Year Two Dollars Six Months 7... .0ne Dollar ' Air Cash in all Cases. Full Telegraphic Dispatches from all points! Latest and must accurate Market Reports Interesting and Reliable Correspondence from all parts of Georgia, South Carolina and Washington! { \ GEOXCtfA. (Old CAItOJ.HfA and LOCAL PEWS A SI’MCIAZTY! Address, THE C< INSTITUTION A LIST, Augusta. Ga. If you love I’hun, Phaet and Phanev, send your ad diVss on a postal card to the publisher for a sample copy ol THE SUNDAY HERALD! Filled ••very Week with Sketches, Paragraphs, Fact arid Fancies. Arl, News.'and Literary Gossip, and the Quaint Savings of OLD ST Th famous eld dwß'y, whose veracious verities have green him a national reputation. The Hkk.u.p is edit**! bv Sam. S.HAU* whom the Louisville Cfutiet-fiumtl jireOfunSe* ti*' l>st*“ nigger talk writer ” tills country ever produced. Tf>ms, #2 per year. Address luunyks w. t sMjTH^ro.. BRIDGES SMITH’S PAPER. dJi \ FOR JL A \'EAR. X.. A live, newsy paper from the Capital, full of chat, gossip, original sketches. paragraphs and mentions of all kinds. Just the kind of a paper to drive away hhies and give the world a bright and cheerful look. A good agent wanted in every town in the South, to whom a liberal commission will lie paid. Send stamp for a specimen copy or enclose one dollar and receive the paper for one year. Address BRIDGES SMITH'S P.VrER. J * ’ Atlanta, Ga. HU DniinC Barge and small, for Dealers, Tea bnnUmUui Stores. Agents, etc. Twenty 9xll Chromos for SI.OO. T- ARGEST ASSORT MENT ill the world. George J and Martha Washington. Hone-Bins IX, Cmnic Subjects. Magnificent Crosses. Birds. Children, Fruit Flowers. Landscapes, etc. Two samples by mail. 20 cents. Semi stamp for superbly illustrated catalogue. J. I.ATIIAW A C.. Hkadouahtkk* fou Fuhkig.n * Amkbican Ciijiomob, \ 411* Washington Street; Box‘J, 154. • A ' (141 • Bahtou, Maes. A PENNY SAVED IS A PENNY MADE. We will send Tub Sun—usual price sl.so—and th Louisville COURIER-JOURNAL, Weekly edition—usual price #2.oo—postage prepaid on hoth papers, on* rear, for mmn pb i oto- o RAVE JCST RECEIVED the Urgent Stock of I) 11 ¥4io( U)S. HOOTS, SIIOKS t V ILVI’S. Ever hrouglit to thin market, which we an- determined to sell eery cheap fotJ imr niatinuera only. Those who ja\l tv pay us prompt* every year need hU apply *“ We have furnfahed you la provisions, Ac,, for this year and expect to di* ao agmu aa luj, an .mu aijiiaie p. 4 We are aelllng Good Homemade Brogans at $125 per Pair. Good Jeans , - - - -25 c per Yard, Ladies’ Wool Shawls - - SIOO. And Other Goods in Proprotion for CASH. Von need not haul your cotton to Toccoo, when you can get a better price in Hartwell raid pay your debta at t#e aanie time. / KtiMEMfibß THAT A GOOD NAME IS RATHER TO liE CHOSEN THAN GREAT RICHES. C T*s‘\y / l. & t. j. lindkr. A. K. CHII.OS. K. NICKERSON. Y. H. WYNN. C'IIILI>S, NICKERSON k CO., No. 13 Tronklln House RtilWllng. Athens. .. Wholesale and retail dealers in lIARIIWAHK Tiin Pfl'lNO ] 1 ff H f 'fff fs' IRON, STEEL, XA IRS, HOUSE and MULE SHOES . HORSE SHOE NAILS, AG RICU LTURAL IM PLEM ENTS, Leads, Oils, Glass and Varnish, Harness Leather, M I L B U R N WAGONS, COTTON , MANILLA AND JUTE ROPE. Carriage and Saddlery Hardware. Felloes, ’ Hubs, Spokes. Buggy Wheels. Axles. Springs, etc., Rubber and Leather Pelting. Mill Saws, Mill Findings, Anvils, Bellows, Vices, Hollow Ware, etc. Manufacturer’s agents for the sale of FAXRBANITS STANDARD SCALES. WINSHIP AND SAWYER’S CELEBRATED Cotton Gins, Cider Mills, Syrup Mills and Evaporators, Watt Plows, Farmers’ Friend Plow, Pumps, Circular Saws, etc. ■Sf” Ant/ etrtieN ttrour fine nnt in sfvvil. triff fh e>i Me'reTT v'fien <f<‘x i v i if) tH? hast possible delay. CALL AND EXAMINE OCR STOCK AND PRICES. 11 DRY GOODS ! J.-e.vas it. tfo.ir .!• Cos., ! AUGUSTA, GA. WE are now offering the Finest and Best Selected Stock of FALL DIIY GOODS, Ever shown in the South. Our splendidly assorted Stock of SILKS, DRESS GOODS, HOSIERY, NOTIONS, CALICOES, LINENS, GENTLEMEN’S GOODS and DOMESTICS, cannot be matched in Augusta. We have the Largest and Best Assorted Stocks of SUITS, CLOAKS, SHAWLS and UNDERWEAR ever offered in this market. Every department is replete with the Cheapest and Most Desirable Goods, and we invite the people of South Carolina —whether they want to buy or not —to call and examine them, and pronounce their own judgment. It has never been our custom to endeavor to impose on our Country Friends by low quotations on trashy and useless Goods ; we propose to give them honest value for fhoir money, and when quotations are made on standard or useful arti cles we are always ready to match and beat them. "We can do it and we will, toy Samples by mail free of charge. ' JAMES A. GfcAY & CO., 11 - 194 & 196 Broad Street, Augusta, Ga. BARGAINS IN FURNITURE! AT D e graain 147,1471 & 149 BROAD STREET, AUGUSTA, GA. UNDERTAKING IN ALL ITS BRANCHES. Sunday and Night calls 102 Greene Street. n SUBSCRIBE FOR THE SlI IST7. T HESD l PROSPECTUS. THE SUN will be a Democratic Journal, devoted to the interests of the People. / l . 7 A - Latest News will be funiished from all parts of the country, culled with care, and given in condensed form. General Reading Matter on Politics, Agriculture, Commerce, Finance, Lit erature, etc., will find due space in ov.r columns. Local Items will he sought assidu ously, and will be a distinctive feature. 111 fine, THE SUN intends to be a Paper for the People, and our objects in publishing this Journal are to grie the public reliable information and the latest news, together with political views in accord with their own, as also to furnish means of support and consequent com petence to those engaged iu the enter prise. THE SUN has been placed at the exceedingly low price of ONE DOLLAR AND A HALF. We commend THE SUN to your consideration, and bespeak your patron age. We hope to receive such encour agement as will compensate our en deavors. CLUB RATES: Clubs of Ten subscribers will be enti tled to an extra copy. BELCHER & McGILL, Editors and Publishers. GREENVILLE and COLUMBIA VX RAILROAD. On and .after MONDAY. MAY 29th, 1876, th Passenger Trains over the Greenville and Colombia Railroad will be run daily, Sundays excepted, by the following schedule: MAIN’ STEM. IT TRAIN NO. I—OOLEMMA TO GRKKXVILI.E. ia*ave Columbia at 7:45 a. m I.eare Alston 5:30 Leave Newberry 10:50 Leave Hodges 5:17 p. m Leave Belton LOO t Arrive at Greenville 5:35 down tt, a in 'so. 1 Wmtvvvn rto css, CMIU ' Leave Greenville at S:OS a. m Leave Belton .“. 9:55 Leave Hodge* 11:33 Leave Newberry 2:43 p in Leave Alston 4:20 Arrive at Columbia 5:55 ANDERSON BRANCH AND BLUE RIDGE R. R. DOWN TRAIN Leave Walhalla at 6:15 a. m Leave Seneca City s : 4O Leave I’erryville 7 : oo Leave Pendleton 7:50 Leave Anderson 8:50 Arrive at Belton at 9:40 IT THAIN. Leave Belton at ..4:00 p. H Leave Anderson 5 : 00 la-ave Pendleton 6:00 Leave Perryville 6:35 Leave Seneca City 6:45 Arrive at WallmUo a; 7 ; i5 Notice.—No Train will pass or leave a station tamed before the time specified, but tlie company do i ut guarantee their trains to leave or arrive at tho tme stated. Passengers must understand that they wll lie subject to such delays as may unavoidably otcur. THOMAS DODAMEAD, General Superintendent. Taiiez Norton. JR., General Ticket Agent. COUTH CAROLINA RAILROAD. Charleston. S. C., December 19. 1875. ! Change of schedule to go into effect on and after Sunday, December 20tli: DAT PASSENGER TRAIN. (Sundays Excepted.) leave Charleston at . .9:00 a. m Arrive at Columbia at 5:00 p. ni I'live Columbia at g ; 4O a. m Arrive at Charleston at... 4:20 p. m NIGHT EXPRESS—ACCOMMODATION TRAIN. • (Daily.) Rave Columbia at ’ 7 : 15 p. m A rive at Charleston at 6:45 a. m L ave Charleston at 7:10 p. m Arive at Columbia at 6:30 a. m Ciniden Trains connects at Kingsville daily (er ci'ilt Sundays) with Up and Down Day Passenger D;\ and Night Trains connect at Augusta with C,e*Ha Railroad, Macon and Angusta Railroad and Cent-a] Railroad. Comnbia Night Trains connect closely with the Greynille and Columbia Railroad. S. B. RICKKNS. Gen’l Ticket Agt S. H. Solomons. Superintendent. A T ANARUS; ANTA and RICHMOND AIR -AA LINE RAILROAD. Atlanta, Ga., June 4,1876. GOING EAST. I’assenpr Train. No. 1. AiTive. Leavo. Atlanta 3 00 pm Seneca . 7 54 p m 7 54pm (inTimle. 9 41 p m 0 44 pm Spartanlurg 11 05 p m 11 08 p m Charlott 2 03 a m GOING WEST. Passengi: Train. No. 2. Arrive. Leave. N. C. R.R. Junction 2 10 am Charlotb 2 IP a m Spartanbvg 5 11 am 5 14 a m GreenviU, 6 37 a m 6 40 a m Seneca... 8 31 a m 8 31 a m Atlanta.. 1 30 pm JOHN B. PECK, Sup’t. QEOtGIA RAILROAD. pa.sexoer trains schedtlf.. DAY. UP TRAINS. NIGHTI 8:00 am... Leave Augusta 8:20 p nr 2:55 pin... Arrive at Athens 6:50 a ra 4:00pm... “ “Atlanta 5:25am DOWN TRAINS. 8:00 a in...... .Leave Atlanta 10:30 p m 0:00 am ...Leave Athens 9:30 p m 4:00 p in.... ...Arrive at Augußta 7:35 a m S. K. JOHNSON, Superintendent, Augusta, Ga.