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HOW fKISCILLA HOOKED HIM. Week before last young Simmy Plunkett left bis paternal's fann aiul Hocks at Hun tington, and came down to Brooklyn to see the elephant, and pay bis friend Peewit a short visit. . _ lie was a mild, soft, inoffensive youth, iust climbing over the fence of his teens, with reddish hair, bashful whiskers and manners, village cut raiment, and the first chance at the old man's property, being the only cliild. “ Here's a plum m the matrimonial nud din'. an’ I'm goin' to have the first dan at it. if I bum my lingers,'' mused Peewit's spinster aunt, on his arrival, and she bang ed her liair. powdered her face, tilted up i her bustle, puffed herself out with chest protectors, or whatever you call them, and wreathed her face with company smiles to receive him. That evening she planted herself next to him at the tea-table, dropped lumps of su gar into his tea. plied him with preserves and cake, ami ogled him with her mechan ical smiles. After supper she followed him in the extension, where lie had gone to have a quiet smoke, and said— “ Won't you let me come and sit with you?” ••Why, in course 1 will ma’am.” replied Sammy, taking afivc-cent cabbage-leaf out of his mouth. *• Oh, don’t stop smoking, for I love the smell of a good cigar as the little humming birds do the flowers of summer, and I know that must be a splendid cigar.’’ •• Wal, it’s just as good as the man had for five cents.” “ Oh. you selfish sybaritic young bache lor ! How 1 often envy you all your pleas ures. which our poof sex are debarred from enjoying.” she murmured, sinking into a seat close by him. “ I ain't much to hum ‘bout that syba ritic thing, but I'm the all-firedest best feller remind our country to hoe a tater patch or bull-whack a team of steers.” Then she changed the conversation, pro duced her photograph album, showed him the pictures and begged him to make her happy for life by adding his to the collec tion, promised to work him a motto, eat a philopena with him, hinted at a pair of slippers she was going to embroider, sighed and rolled her eyes around like a duck in a thunder storm. “ Wal, I swow, if that ere old lady ain't jest about as sociable an’ scrumptious as new milk and apple sass,” lie soliloquized that night, on retiring, looking around the company room, upon which the spinster aunt bad everlastingly spread herself fix ing up for him. The next morning. Mrs. Peewit being indisposed, she waited on him at the break fast tabic, sweetened his coffee till it tasted like syrup, simpered, giggled and question ed him about the farm. “ Wal, yes. ma'am, it's a purty consid erable big place,” he replied, in answer to a question if it was a large farm. ** Atad you fnave the pretty quiet cows running up to the churn to be milked, and the funny little pigs sitting around putting their tails in curl paper, and the cunning little liens and roosters laying their eggs all around you—oh, it must be too splen did for anything. 1 often think I'd rather be a farmer’s wife and live on a splendid big farm like yours, than be Queen of Eng land and India," she said, in a voice like a sick hand organ. Two or three evenings later young Plun kett returned home from a day’s sight-see ing in the metropolis ; she opened the door for him, laughingly chided him for his ab sence. informed him that Mr. and Mrs. [ Peewit had gone to prayer meeting, and j opening the parlor door, invited him to ; come in. i ‘•Mr. Plunkett.” she murmured, afteri he had been in the room a moment, “ I need a friend —a counsellor ; how bad only j this poor fluttering heart of mine can tell." “ Wal, I’ll begol darned —” “I knew it. 1 felt that your manly heart would at once propose to be that friend and guide,” she sighed, coming over and taking a seat by his side on the sofa. “ Yes’m only I can’t ’zactly—" “ You cannot guess the secret of my maidenly emotion, Sammy, you would say. J May I hot call you Sammy ?” she mur mured, drawing near to him. “ Jest as you like, inarm. I ain’t got no ’jections one way or t’other.” “ Oh, thanks —a thousand thanks, Sam my ; an’ you will call me Priscilla, and not that cold, formal, distant Miss, will you not?” . ~ , “ Sartainly, if it'll 'hlige you eny, he answered, wondering what the old lady was driving at. ~ . “ Sammy, lam unhappy. I often think that this trembling heart and delicate frame of mine was never intended to battle alone the storms of life,” she simpered, slipping her hand into his. “Aren’t strong, eh? Why don t you try a porous plaster?” “ 1. need not medicine so much as a kind word, a pleasant smile, a manly heart to confide in—some one whom I can look up to for advice and protection." “ Why don't you call in a policeman ? he suggested. . “ Hut when you are with me, Sammy, all seems changed, and the world seems bright and beautiful before me ; it is only when you are absent that my heart grows heavy and sad,” she whispered. ••Du tell! Mebbe catnip tea would hx you up all kicking. I’ve heard it was pow erful good for the liver.” “ This is a cold and cruel world for one of my sex to struggle through.” “ Well. Miss Priscilla, spring'll soon be here, and ’twont be so durned cold, be remembering the many little favors she had done him, he determined to ask her to come up and spend a week in the coun try during the warm weather, so he added. “ You see I was about tu propose tu you tu ” . . t . “ Take me, Saminy, I am thine.” she in terrupted. throwing her lean form into his arms, “thine; and thine only, forever more.” “ Beeswax ! I—l—only meant $1.50 A YEAR. “ I know you love me. and mean to be I good to me/’ she broke in again. ” Hold on, tarnation !” “ Hold on to your heart, yes, till death does us part; and I will make you such a nice little farmer’s wife, won't I■” she asked, cuddling close to him and drawing his arm around her waist. *• Wal. by jingo, 'pears to me there's an awful mistake somewhere ; I ” ”No, no, Sammy dear, I never was mis taken from the first in supposing you loved me ; and let us get married this week, and then return home together.” And she wound her bony arms around his neck, and was kissing him, when the door opened, and Peewit, his wife, and some of the neighbors, who had been at church with them, entered, beheld her in his arms, coughed and withdrew hastily. “ Wal, by the everlastin’ hokey, if 1 hcvn't gone an' dun it this time, I'ui a tar nal skunk,” exclaimed he, five minutes later, when he had made his escape from her embrace, and locked himself up in his own moui. Peewit’s spinster aunt says the marriage will take place next week, and young Plunkett is seriously contemplating a leap oil' a Fulton ferryboat. “ Sort ’o flood Like.*’ The Southern Presbyterian gives the fol lowing : An exemplary ministery of the gospel residing in Raleigh was busy at his sermon the other evening when a caller came to disturb him. It was a stranger, and he said his name was Dolsocker. lie extend ed bis hand for a shake, sat down as if in his own house, and presently began : “ I called to sec if you would give me a a little spiritual advice.” “ Certainly 1 will, and be glad to,” was the reply. “ Are you a professor?” “ No.” “ Then you are thinking of turning your feet into good paths. 1 hope?” ** Well, perhaps !” was the hesitating reply. “Don’t you want to be a Christian?” asked the good man. “ I'll tell you bow it is,” said the stran ger, after quite a lengthy interval, “I’ve got a ticket in a lottery, and 1 want to ask you if you think it would stand any better chance of striking the big prize if I was sort o’good, than it would if I kept on being sort o’ bad ?” The clergyman didn’t labor with Mr. Dolsocker very long. There is a good deal of real human na ture in that. Perhaps it does not often come out so candidly or show itself so boldly as in this case, yet it is there, llow often might a lawyer or physician wonder if he could not get more practice, or get along better if he were a member of this or that Church, and seemed sort o’ good like. The majority of the people in the town, village or neighborhood are mostly church members, and may be if he were sort o’good like they would employ him more readily. Or the merchant, or the laborer, or the mechanic, does he never hear a sort o’ whisper saying he had better be sort o* good like, as it would help his business ? Or the young man or woman desperately in love with one professedly pious, do they never think they might suc ceed better if they were sort o' good like? We have met with cases where it sort o' seemed like this was so. We fear there may be many Dolsockers in this world. A Mean .linn. Detroit Free Press. A doctor yesterday met, an ex-patient of his on State street, and called the man's attention to the fact that he had a bill against him for medical services. •• Can't pay,” replied the man. “ Do you want to pay?” sternly demand ed the physician. “ Of course I do, but I'd like a little time.” “ How much ?” “ About twenty years.” “ I'll sue this bill,” exclaimed the doc tor. “ Sue away, for I ain't worth hut a shirt and a half, and am growing poorer every day." •* Well, sir, you are a blamed mean man !” continued the doctor. “ llow mean am I ? Please state what grade of meanness you mean.” “ 1 mean,” said the doctor, as he got more color in his ears. “ I mean that you are mean enough to pretend to die, so as to spite your creditors and make your wife trouble. You are mean enough to let them bury you in due form. Then, if I came at night, dug you up and carried you on my hack for a mile and a half, you’d he mean enough to come to life, pick my pockets and want me to hire you to fill up the grave again !” “ Is that your candid opinion, doctor?” “ Yes, sir, it is !” “Well doctor, you may now drive on. If you have time during the daj r please write me out a chart, for you beat I owler on phrenology by a length and a half. Good-bye, doctor—seems like spring, don’t it?” Publish that which is good. Dr. J. 11. McLean's Strengthening Cordial and Wood Purifier is a life-saving remedy, imparts vigor, health and strength to the system, purifies and enriches the blood. Dr. J. 11. McLeau 314 Chestnut st., St. Louis, Missouri. HARTWELL, GA„ WEDNESDAY, APRIL 4. 187 T. Ttic Curly 4'ruciiM. C. C. in titribner. One night—'t was in a hot July— -1 slept at Farmer Brewster’s, But long ere sunrise lit the sky Was wakened by the roosters. At breakfast then I made a pun— The farmer couldn’t catch it, Although in serious matters he Was sharp as any hatchet. I said. “ My friend, at four o'clock Your screeching roo-ters woke us : Beneath your windows —though July— Vou raise the early rroir-cusn .” The C hild Violinist. BY AUSTIN DOBSON. ,V. T. Mimical He had played for his lordship's levee, lie had played for her ladyship's whim. Till the poor little head was heavy. And the poor little hram would swim. And the face grew peaked and eerie, And the large eyes strange and bright. And they said—too late— ** lie is weary ! He shall rest for, at least, to-night 1” But at dawn, when the birds were waking. As they watched in the silent room, With the sound of a strained cord breaking, A something snapped in the gloom. ’Twas a string of his Yiolincollo. And they heard him stir in his bed— “ Make room for a tired little fellow, Kind God !” —was the last that he said. A Street ('nr Incident. Boston (ilobe. Scene, a Highland street railway car; time, a little after three o'clock. The car in question was on its outward-bound trip, and contained hut nine passengers. When near Dover street, an additional passenger got on, who, as he opened the rear door, pleasaiitly hailed the conductor, and the latter's remark set T)k-former into a very pleasant frame of mind, his face, as he I took a seat beside a Globe reporter, be | trayed his recent acquaintance with the customary Thanksgiving turkey. He was a young man, not exactly handsome, hut ; pleasant-looking, was well dressed, even to the fashionable heaver which he wore. He was in a very happy frame of mind, as was quite evident from the pleased expression which played unconsciously about his mouth. Sitting still was evidently not his general custom, and. suddenly thrusting his hand deep into his pantaloons’ pocket, he pulled out a whole handful of bright silver coins, out of which he selected the necessary change with which to pay his fare to the conductor, who then passed by. With his face still wearing that happy look which almost proved infectious to other passengers, his eyes rested lingeringly on a little bundle of humanity fast asleep, curled up in the opposite corner, who, with one of her dimpled hands resting on her cheek for support, instinctively grasped with the other hand a little basket. Again the young man’s hand went deep into his pockets, and selecting a quarter of a dollar, he laid it carefully on the cover of the sleeping girl's basket. He was apparently not satisfied. Another quarter went where the first had gone. Again he seemed per turbed. A third visit to the little stranger, and this time two “halves” was the re sult. Again he returned to his seat, hut i this time only to go back with two more “halves.” Meanwhile his generosity had I attracted the attention of all the passen i gers. The young man appealed to a fellow I passenger for charity, saying : “ She is un doubtedly a poor girl! Thanksgiving comes but once a year. Please give me a quarter that 1 may put it beside that shin ing silver already on her basket, and when she awakes you will have the pleasure of seeing her utter surprise.” The gentle man yielded to his entreaty. The sleeping little girl had now at least three dollars. The gentleman who had contributed the last quarter told the generous young man to awaken the little girl. This he did. It was a long time before she could realize that she was the possessor of so much money. At last the young man left his seat and seated himself beside her. asking her at the same time how much money she had, and who gave it to her. All eyes were upon her great wandering eyes as she said : “ I don’t know, sir ; it is like the fairy stories which mamma has told me. Why (busily counting), I have three dollars and fifty cents. I wish I knew who gave it to me." 1 bless her, and 1 know mamma will when she sees all this inonev.” The young man suggested that perhaps the mild-eyed lady, who had just got out, had given all this money. “ Oh, I know," said the little girl, suddenly, when the young man looked into her face and laughed; “you can’t fool me any longer, you are the fairy and then she clapped her hands in such a happy, pleased sort of way that the young man acknowledged the generous spirit which had temporarily taken posses sion of him. and evidently becoming more and more interested in her. took out his pocket-book, which was stuffed with hank bills, took hack all the silver which he and the unknown friends had contributed, and gave her a five dollar hill in exchange. “Oh, oh, oh.” said the little girl, “all this for me? Oh, won’t mamma be happy, won't she bless you !” The car had pretty nearly reached the voting man's destination, and again taking from his pocket-book a bank bill, be arose, stepped to the door, opened it, and then, quicker than thought, he threw the bill into the girl’s lap, and was oil' the car be fore she knew it. The hank hill proved to be ten dollars, which added to the other, made fifteen dollars. The young mail's I parting injunction will probably ring in her ears, till next Thanksgiving. It was this: j “Try and remember me the next time you see me. Mind, don't forget.” Aud tier answer, which every one heard in thu car, was: “ Oh, no, sir ! 1 guess I shan't.” Ulio Known? Cur. SI. Luuir Christian Advocate. I suppose there is in every one a desire to know the truth, and when it is known, a desire to communicate it to others is, at least benevolent. There is also in almost every one a superstitious reverence for opinions that have long been entertained. This reverence is, no doubt, commendable to a certain extent; when with uplifted hands in holy horror it forbids our touch, then it becomes superstition, and its warn ing voice and frightful gestures should he disregarded. This superstitious reverence for old opinions has fettered the human mind long enough; and every lover of truth should rejoice that the present age has furnished a few men who have dared to make war against this monster; and who have done much to liberate thought from the degrading bondage in which it has long been held. “Ye know it hath been said by them of old time,” “ All attempts to explain the mysterv of the Trinity, or the manner in which three persons constitute one God, we would repudiate as vain ami futile.” Now if it lie true that the harmo nious union of all the prismatic colors con stitute light, may not the harmonious union of all God's attributes constitute love ? Then if we give to each person in the Trinity the same attributes, in the same measure, do ive not have three persons, each of whom is God '< and yet in a most important sense (just such a sense as the Scriptures require) the unity of the divine nature is preserved. “To us there is but one God ’ —Love. “ God is love.” Mankin. Esot'iil Recipes. To Cook Potatoes Puopekly.— Put them in a not with barely sufficient water to cover them; add salt; as soon as the skins begin to crack lift the pot from the fire and drain off every drop of water; then lay a cloth over the pot, so that the steam will escape; set the not close to the fire until they are thoroughly dry. Centennial Biscuit. Make good corn mush, just as if you were gomgto eat it with milk ; when it is lukewarm, take a quart of it. work in Hour enough to make a stiff dough, make it into biscuits, put in your cake pan and set it in a warm place over night; hake it in a very hot oven, and you have the best and sweetest biscuit you ever ate. Eat while hot for breakfast. Railroad Cake. —Break two eggs into a teacup, heat well, then fill the cup with sweet cream, one cup of sugar, one and one-half cups of flour, one teaspoonful of cream of tartar, and one-half teaspoonful of soda. Sponge Cake. —Two cups of flour, two cups of sugar, four eggs, one-half teacup of cold water, one teaspoonful of cream of tartar, and one-half teaspoonful of soda. The eggs must he fresh and the whites and yelks beaten separately. A Boy Emperor. Just think of it, little folks ! The Em peror of China is only six years old, and | lie is just getting ready to go to school. His Empire is a very large one, and he has over four million subjects. Now wouldn’t you feel curious if you had command of this vast number of people? The young Emperor is going to school just like other hoys, only lie will go to a very select school, i and funniest of all, he will have a young ! companion with him who must he whipped by the teacher whenever the young Kmpe | ror behaves badly. If you boys and girls had somebody to take whippings for you, you might be tempted sometimes to talk out in school, and do other things to annoy the teachers. Don't you feel sorry for that little hoy who has to he Hogged when i ever the Emperor chooses to throw paper wads, or put pins in the teacher’s chair or whistle out loud? We hope however, the Emperor will he a good hoy. just as we hope all our little folks will he good child ren at home and at school. Children should love and respect their teachers, for by so doing they do credit to themselves and their parents, and make their teachers love them. I*l ant Good Need. The labor of sorting the grain is light, and will cost hut a trifle per bushel; use the best seed for planting, and feed the re fuse to stock and poultry. Make a prac tice of this and in five yeass. with proper cultivation, the product will be fully fifty per cent. more. Every farmer should , write this mi the tablet of his memory. FUNNY tf.YYhVUS AND DOINGS. *~r - -* i i A strong minded woman vrill always be speaker of the house. All men aro not homeless, but some men gUe loss than ethers. On thir track vt the mlilky way—following tfe* <u)'* s home to vVnhai ( u.v*Jrd. Mrs Button is in Detroit divorce court, trying to get tm-Buttoned. Why aro some of our lawyers like a river? Because they are freat st at the mouth. “ I haven't another word to say, wife —I never dispute with fools.” “No, bus hand. you are very sure to agree with them.” A youthful Granger about to he chas tized \y his father the other day. called for his grandfather to protect him from the middleman. “Ah, parson, I wish 1 could carry my gold with me,” said a dying man to his pastor. “It might melt,” was the con soling answer. A St. Louis grocer had a pound of sugar returned with a note stjiting : “ Too much sand for table use, mid not enough for building purposes.” While a man was singing the other day, “There's a Good Time Coming,” another man arose and said, “ Would you kindly Vfix the exact date?” NUMBER 32. A Ycrmont mother remarked : “ Yes. I want my daughter to study rhetoric, for she can't fry pancake now without smo king all the house lip,” Josh Billings says he knows people who are so fond of argument that they will stop and “ dispute with a guidoboard about the distance to the next town.” If you are troubled with dyspepsia eat a peeled apple every night before going to bed. Should that fail to euro you try chops ping wood by moonlight. “Isn't there an awful strong smell of pigs in tin- air? asked Smith of Jones. •■ Yes,” replied Jones’ “that's because the wind’s from the sou'-west.” A Kentucky editor remarks that ninety nine out of a hundred people make a great mistake when they cutoff a dog’s .tail, in throwing away the wrong end. A fashionable young man. m a fit of economy and true benevolence, hail one of his high linen collars converted into three shirts, which he donated to the poor. Anew stove has been invented for the comfort of travelors. It is to be put under the feet with a mustard plaster on the head, which draws the heat through the whole system. Is it foolishness for a man to try to make game of a hoarding house chicken by look ing at it, under the impression t Hat a steady gaze of the human eye will make any ani mal quail ? An Irish gentleman, hearing of a friend having a stone coffin made for himself, ex claimed : “ By me sowl. and that’s a good idee ! Shore a stone coffin 'ud last a man a lifetime!” Clara Morris rode a very wild mustang the other day, and fairly conquered him. “I know all about riding.” she said, to begin with. “ You must first mount and then you mustang on.” “ What do yon get from iodine?” asked the medical professor. “We get—a—ah —usually get idiotic acid,” yawned the student. “ Have you been taking some?” quietly asked the professor. A school teacher gave out to the reading class the selection, “And, like great Caesar, die with decency.” The brilliant reader rendered it, “And, like great Caesar die with dysentery.” “Why, my dear fellow,” whispered a friend, “ I did not know you were so badly maltreated in the affair.” “Nor I neither, sobbed the victim, “till I heard iny lawyer a tellin’ thejury all about it!” A little girl showing her cousin about four years old, a star, said: “ That star you "gee over there is bigger than this world.” “ No, it isn’t,” he said, “ Yes, it is.” “Then why doesn't it keep the rain oil ?” “Amelia,” he said, “what delicious weather this is. llow the fervent billows of sunshine beat down through the blue j abysses of yonder sky.” “And oh. it feels so good, Eugene ; just as if somebody was pouring warm oil down your back.” “ What we want is new' men and new measures,” said a politcian to an old dark | ey. “ Yes, dat'sso. boss,” said tho ancient African; “de grocery man doesn't give ! us but ‘bout nine quarts to the peck, and f goes in for de new' measures, you bet.” At a recent convivial banquet given in J honor of a certain American (Governor, the | toast “ his Excellency the Governor,'’ was given, whereupon a very convivial gentle man cried out, “ Let’s drink the Governor , standing, as the Governor’s drunk sitting !” “ Now, my boy,” said the teacher, “if 1 have a pie. and give two-twelfths of it to John, two-twelfths to Isaac, two-twelfths to Harry, and take half the pie myself, wdiat would there be left ? Speak out loud so all can hear.” “ The plate !” shouted the boy. His last words to her in the morning were :“ Wrap up warmly, darling if you go shopping to-uay; the weather is very cold.” She said she would, and before she went out she had all her bustles weighed and put on the heaviest one. What will not a woman do for a man she loves ? A party of vegetarians who were board ing at a water cure establishment, while taking a walk in the fields, were attacked by a bull, which chased them f iriou lyout of his pasture. “ That's your gratitude, is it, you great, hateful thing !” exclaimed one of the ladies, panting with fright and fatigue, “After this I'll eat beef three tunes a day.’’